Man, I Miss the Kitties
by DaniZaraki
Summary: Sequel to Consider Yourself Kitties: Alice and Kat are in the Naruto world with the evil and yet strangely lovable Akatsuki. Throw in some criminals, even more ninjas, chaos, lots of sarcastic battles and you've got yourself some interesting situations.
1. Chapter 1

_Well guys, here it is._

_So many of you reviewed and demanded one._

_I actually got a pretty scary death threat..._

_Lol I'm not big on dying any time soon so I gave in._

_I'm starting it off with the last chapter from _Consider Yourselves Kitties_ just to give you all a review of what's going down._

_So, enjoy._

_I still don't own Naruto.  
_

* * *

"Alice! Get your ass down here and eat or else I'll come up there and eat you!" Louis shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

I sighed and pushed away from my computer. I'd been staring at the same picture for over an hour. It was a picture of Kisame and Itachi. It was my favorite.

It was July now; six months have passed since they left. And to be honest, life sucks shit without the Akatsuki. It felt so empty and boring.

I had drifted deeper into my long-term state of depression.

Very few things stood out to me now.

I went to one of Louis's classes with him when Brett got sick back in June. His therapist jumped down my throat after about ten minutes in. When he asked me how long my depression had been going on, I answered him honestly. I'd technically been depressed since 8th grade.

He wanted to throw me in a loony bin, but that only forced Louis into a psycho spree. He flipped out and almost killed the guy. He does not take kindly to anyone trying to take me away from him. I was rather touched.

Kathryn had become more like me in multiple ways.

She rarely talked to anyone anymore. I felt bad about it because some people blamed me for her drastic change in behavior, and I honestly couldn't bring myself to tell them it wasn't my fault. However, she always tells me she's more than happy to just have me.

Her mom was concerned and she came to me about it. I just told her that she was worried about me. Her mom didn't question this because she knew my personality.

Our lives were filled with half-assed emotions and uneventful days.

A few good things did happen in those six months. Kathryn and I both scored 5's on all of our AP tests and we both graduated from high school a year early. I was now done with that death trap.

I got no satisfaction out of any of it.

My night terrors were now a once a week thing. I no longer slept in my room now. I slept in Brett and Louis's bed with them. Even in Louis's protective embrace and Brett's overly-loving one, I never felt happy. I was never secure.

Maybe we over reacted a bit, but when you're socially unaccepted and you get accepted by other social outcasts, a bond forms. A very strong one…

I frowned as Louis shouted for me again though I was at the bottom of the stairs.

"Alice, do not make me come up there!" Louis growled.

Walking into the kitchen I hit him in the back of the head. "Oh shut up you raging homo." I snapped.

He pouted and kissed my cheek, wrapping his arms around my neck in a loving gesture. "She's so sexy when she's feisty."

"And you're a pervert." I retorted.

Brett giggled. "You have a guest sweetie."

I looked towards him without interest to see Kathryn sitting beside him. She smiled at me. I could tell it was a half-assed smile. I expected to see her there. We were always together.

"Hey Kat." I said, returning her smile. "When did you get here?"

"Just now." Kathryn admitted with a shrug. "Louis demanded I come over. I'm not sure why though."

"You two need to get laid. You're both being sourpusses and I hate it." Louis announced as he plopped a plate of food before me.

I rolled my eyes. "You're being a perverted asshole and I hate it, but I never said anything."

"Alice." Brett scolded in a tone of disapproval. "Don't be rude."

"Yes mommy." I sighed, resting my chin in my palm.

Louis glared at me from across the table. "You haven't been sleeping."

"What else is new?" I questioned.

"Alice, don't make me fucking hurt you." Louis snapped. "You've been forcing yourself to stay awake so you don't have nightmares. I know you are because I wake up and see you doing it." He pointed his knife at me. "Knock it off."

I sighed again and nodded. "Sorry Lu, but I can't help it. I hate the feeling."

"Get over it." Louis growled. "You're hurting yourself more by not sleeping at all."

"Alright, alright, I get it. I'll stop." I said defensively, raising my hands in defeat.

Kathryn looked at me sadly. "Alice, you should get help about those."

I frowned. "No thank you. Louis already flipped a shit on one therapist; I don't need him doing that to another one."

"Nobody touches my Alice and gets away with it." Louis snarled. "She's only allowed to leave if I say she can." He kissed my forehead. "Right cutie?"

"Right." I said absently, not really hearing him.

I ate about three bites of the food he made me and suddenly felt full. Louis always gave me the smallest portion because I was never hungry and couldn't finish my plate if there wasn't a small amount. This time, I didn't even eat half of it.

"Alice, are you okay?" Brett asked, reaching across the table to feel my head.

"I'm fine Bee, I don't feel very well today." I admitted. "I have a migraine. And I'm not hungry." I looked at Louis. "I'm sorry Louis, I can't eat all this."

He frowned at me. "It's fine, don't make yourself sick."

"Now that you mention it, my head hurts really badly too." Kathryn announced.

I looked at Louis and raised my eyebrows at him. "Maybe it's your cooking."

"Hey, fuck you Alice." Louis snapped with a smirk. "You and your sarcasm can just suck my cock. Your insults are not appreciated."

"Neither is your cooking apparently." I muttered under my breath, loud enough for him to hear. Brett was snickering in his spot.

"Oh, just overdose on your painkillers." Louis growled, chuckling at my sarcasm.

"Louis!" Brett scolded. "Alice, why don't you go and take some of your pills. Give Kathryn some too. Please don't overdose."

"I wouldn't dream of it Bee." I told him, getting up from the table. "Hey Kat, come here."

"Kay!" She said, still giggling about me and Louis. She got up from her seat to join me by our medicine cabinet. I had about half the pills I did six months ago, thanks to a certain awesome female with blue hair.

I reached up to grab said bottle of pills when suddenly, I blacked out.

**Third Person!**

Brett and Louis both exchanged a worried glance when two clouds of smoke suddenly surrounded Kathryn and Alice. Both men instantly jumped to their feet and hurried over to where they should be.

Brett's eyes widened when he noticed all that was left in their stead was a small scroll. Frowning, he picked it up and opened it.

Louis peeked around him to look, his eyes narrowing in confusion when he saw what was written on the scroll was in Japanese. He nudged his lover. "What's it say?"

Brett's eyes closed after he finished reading the scroll and a smile found its way onto his face. "It says that Alice and Kathryn aren't going to be living with us anymore. It seems that our old cats missed them and summoned the girls to live with them. It's signed by the Akatsuki." He kissed Louis's cheek. "On the bright side, Alice and Kathryn won't be sad anymore."

"Oh those little fuckers are _so_ getting it if I ever see them again!" Louis growled despite his smile. He was internally happy for Alice and Kathryn.

**First Person Alice!**

I winced as I sat up, rubbing my head.

A bird tweeted, instantly gaining my attention.

I looked around in confusion when I noticed I was in the middle of an open field. "What the fuck…?" I questioned, glaring around as if it was the field's fault I was alone and confused. "Where in the shit am I?"

When the grass and bugs didn't answer me, I tried a different approach.

"Am I dreaming?" I smacked myself in the face. "Nope, but my face hurts now."

I stood and looked around again as if the landscape would change if I changed my positions. "Well I'm not getting any answers just sitting around here. I'll just follow this lovely little dirt trail and see where the fuck I'm at."

I followed the strangely out of place dirt trail through more field to see more grass, more dirt, an occasional tree, and a fucking village.

That's right I said village.

Right smack dab in front of me was an old school village. I instantly assumed this was some terribly directed M. Night Shyamalan movie so I punched myself in the leg just to be sure. When I knew I wasn't dreaming, dead, suicidal and no weird creatures were coming to eat me because I was wearing a red shirt, I continued on my way.

It was around the time I almost reached the village when a huge explosion caught my attention.

Now normally I'd probably join the screaming hysterical people running away from the explosion, but I was lost, confused, pissed, and I wanted some fucking answers.

So you know what I did?

Yeah. I walked straight to that fucking explosion to see what was going down.

My eyebrows met in a V when I saw men wearing some very… familiar silver and black clothing and armor with strange animal masks. Oh hells to the fucking no. I did not just get transported at some anime convention. This would totally ruin my mood.

"KATSU!" A loud, powerful, ,_**familiar**_ voice shouted.

"Wait just one damn minute! I know that voice!" I yelled, running in the direction of said voice. And that is when I saw them.

Two men wearing black cloaks with red clouds were finishing off the last two of the ANBU ninja. One had long blond hair that covered half of his face and was partially up in a high ponytail. He was the one blowing shit up.

The other one was short and had a long metal tail thingy that resembled a scorpion's tail poking out of its butt. Said scorpion tail impaled the last two ninja easily.

Is it just me or does someone else see fellow social outcasts?

"DEIDARA!" I shouted, sprinting at the blond.

Said terrorist turned to look in my direction, raising a blond eyebrow in confusion. He had just enough time to cock his head to the side and say my name as if he was wondering what I was before approximately 160 pounds of teenager tackled him to the ground.

"Alice?" Deidara demanded with excitement in his voice.

"Oh Deidara you don't know how much I fucking missed you!" I told him. "I'm willing to get over my anger and confusion about being here because I missed you like crazy!"

"What are you doing here, un?" Deidara demanded, standing up with me. I was still hugging him because I'm pretty sure if I let him go, he'd disappear.

"Ah! The verbal tick! It's so refreshing." I said dreamily. "I do not know the answer to your question because I'm just as confused as you are."

"Is Kathryn here, yeah?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. She was with me before I woke up in that accursed field." I informed him. "She's probably around here somewhere."

"You really should keep track of your friends." A deep, raspy voice told me. I grinned.

"Yeah well you're just a puppet." I snapped, grinning at Sasori through Hiruko.

"We haven't seen you in months, and that's the best comeback you can give me?" He said in a disappointed voice. "I'm so disappointed."

I glared. "When we get somewhere safe, I want a fucking hug because I missed the shit out of you guys. That means no Hiruko." I smiled. "Only then will you get sarcastic comments from me."

"You know about Hiruko?" He questioned.

I scoffed. "Bitch please. I know _everything_ about you guys. Your absence only gave me more time to completely stalk you."

"Fair enough." He sighed.

I smiled happily. "Let us go! I want a hug." I pointed in some random direction.

"We should go back to base Danna, un." Deidara told Sasori. "Maybe someone else knows why Alice is here, yeah." He gave me a one armed hug. "Not that I'm complaining, un."

"I am." Sasori grumbled, retracting his super fantastic tail before he started off in a different random direction than from where I pointed.

"How far we going?" I asked after kicking Hiruko. Sasori tripped me with his tail a second later, only to laugh when I fell. Deidara helped me up so he could answer me.

"Not far, un." Deidara told me. "We only came out here to get something for Leader-sama." He showed me some scroll thingy.

"Ah." I nodded.

**Third Person!**

Kathryn rubbed her head as she sat up.

"Ouch, what the hell happened?" She asked no one in particular.

"Holy fuck, it fucking worked!" A familiar voice said loudly with a laugh.

Kathryn froze and her eyes snapped open. She saw she was in what appeared to be a spacious cave that was dimly lit. Her eyes searched for the owner of the voice until they landed on the speaker.

"Hidan?" She questioned.

"In the fucking flesh you skinny bitch!" Hidan said obnoxiously.

"Hidan!" Kathryn screamed. She was instantly on her feet, barreling into the Jashinist, knocking him off his feet. "Hidan I missed you so much!"

He frowned. "Ouch you fucker, that hurt. I missed you too but damn. Warn a guy would you?" He rubbed his ass as he picked her off the ground, standing.

A deep chuckle came from beside Hidan. Kathryn's attention snapped towards the owner and she squealed just as loudly as before when she glomped Kakuzu.

The miser caught her easily and allowed her to hug him and kiss his masked face.

"Kakuzu I missed you! I promise I'll never make fun of your obsession with money again!" She said with happy tears in her eyes. "I will rob people for you!"

"Thanks…?" Kakuzu asked with uncertainty and amusement in his voice. "However, where is Alice? We summoned her with you."

Kathryn shrugged. "She's probably around here somewhere."

"Aren't you concerned?" A slightly raspy, deep, playful voice questioned.

"Kisame!" Kathryn yelped. She dropped from Kakuzu to tackle-hug the shark. "Oh my Jashin I missed you guys like fuck!" She let him go in favor of hugging Itachi who returned it gently with a small smile.

"Itachi!" She said happily to his chest.

"Tobi missed Kathryn-chan!" A cheerful, chipper voice announced.

"Tobi, you crazy little bastard, get over here and hug me!" Kathryn ordered, releasing Itachi. She and Tobi met in the middle, jumping around as they held each other.

"**How did anyone miss that?** Oh be quiet, I think it's nice. I missed Kathryn and Alice.** No one asked you.** You did. **It was a rhetorical question!**" Zetsu growled.

"ZETSU!" Kathryn cried, hugging the plant man. "I'll become a carnivore now! I don't care! I just missed you!"

His white half chuckled and greeted Kathryn with kind words while the black half told her she was strange and he was going to eat her if she didn't go away.

"Danna, you're being really mean you know, un. It's not like she meant for that to happen. Though, it was pretty funny." A deep, voice said randomly in a pout. Kathryn's head snapped around suddenly to search for the source.

"Dei?" She questioned desperately. Her attention was locked on the entrance to the room she and the others were in.

"I _told_ you she was fucking somewhere around here Sasori. Now you can't be such an asshole." A sarcastic feminine voice snapped. "Move your ass Deidara, I have hugs to dish out!"

"They're both so energetic." Sasori's voice sighed.

**First Person Alice!**

I stepped out of the way smartly with Sasori just seconds before Deidara went flying back with the force of Kathryn's hug. I giggled before striding into the room she emerged from like I owned the place.

"Alright you murdering criminals, I want some answers." I said in mock anger. "But first, I'd really like hugs." A smile broke out on my lips.

"Alice." The sexiest voice in the world said.

I smiled and closed my eyes. "I've missed that sexiness." I turned to look at the most drool-inducing male ever created. "Hi Itachi."

He was instantly beside me, wrapping his arms around me in the hug I needed for six months. It was the best thing ever.

That was until he added a kiss.

Cue heart attack!

It was perfect. It was filled with his happiness and relief at being with me once again. His love swirled in me from the gesture. I gladly relayed the same feelings back to my most favorite weasel. Oh how I missed him…

"Itachi, I know you're overjoyed to see her and all, but I want a hug!" Kisame's amazingly amazing voice came from somewhere in the distance.

Itachi just flipped him off and kept kissing me.

I started laughing, along with the others.

Itachi let me go with a genuine smile and watched me patiently as I skipped over to my favorite shark. He lifted me off the ground in his arms, spinning me in a circle.

"I missed you Kisame!" I said with a relieved sigh.

"I missed you too, kid." He told me, resting his head against mine as I buried my face into his neck.

There is _nothing_ better than a Kisame hug.

I went around, hugging Kakuzu and Hidan, which I will admit was like lifting a huge weight off my shoulders. I missed the two immortals so much it was unreal. I'd even deal with Hidan's perverted behavior for the rest of my life if it meant I got to keep them.

I was tackled by Tobi which I returned happily before I mugged Zetsu with love. His black side didn't threaten to eat me, but he did tell me I was a weirdo. I took his word for it since I assumed he would be a good judge.

"Alright, someone give me Konan and Pein because I miss them too." I ordered, searching the room for the leaders. I found them just as I finished my sentence. "AHHA!" I scurried over to them and threw a hug on Konan.

"Konan, you have no idea how much I needed your female presence in my world. All I had was Kathryn since we both went emo." I told her, squeezing the life out of her.

She giggled. "I missed you as well Alice. It wasn't much better here since I don't even have the gift of Kathryn." She kissed my cheek. "It's very good to see you again."

"Likewise." I said. "You're officially my BFF." She just smiled in response.

"Pein-sama~!" I called, skipping over to the leader. I stopped about two feet from him and allowed my right eye to twitch before I bobbed my head once and flared my nostrils.

"Did you just say you saw a hippo eat your water bottle?" He asked in confusion.

"Yes I did!" I cheered. "You remembered!" I hugged him, breaking all of his bones with my embrace of love and affection.

He chuckled and patted my head. "How could I forget?"

"Because you're the leader of a criminal organization and the leader of a village and all together a very busy man that shouldn't spend his time remembering random stuff such as a code you formed with a teenager." I said. All in one breathe.

Damn I'm good.

He smiled and shrugged. "Our code is very important to me."

I awed and hugged him again. "Thank you Pein."

"You're welcome Alice." He said good-naturedly.

I let him go and turned to Konan. "You trained him well."

She giggled and gave me a convincing wink. "I learned from the best."

"Tobi?" I asked, knowing she meant me. She laughed.

I turned around to see Kathryn positively strangling Sasori, kissing the entirety of his face while Deidara nursed his swollen lips, watching her with a smile. If it was possible, Sasori would be suffocating. I assumed he would be extremely annoyed with Kathryn. However, he's sweet at heart and tolerated Kathryn's exuberance.

"Okay ladies, it's time to give me some answers." I announced, walking over to Itachi and taking his hand. He kissed the side of my head and brought me closer to him. I didn't mind. "Why are we here? I'm not complaining in the slightest, but I'd like to know."

"Well Uchiha and Dei-chan were being total pussies without you." Hidan informed me. "They just moped around the fucking base and lashed out at everyone."

"They only lashed out at you for calling them pussies." Kakuzu reminded his partner. "Hidan missed you both two. He was rather well-behaved because he missed you both so much."

"I was surprised." Konan chimed. "Even Tobi wasn't as hyperactive."

"Well I'm touched." I said, hugging Itachi. "Kathryn and I were downright useless without you guys too."

"Sasori was twice as bitter as he usually is." Kisame added.

"Is that possible?" I asked, throwing a smirk at the puppet master.

He glared. "Don't even start."

I just smiled and turned my attention to Pein as he broke in.

"So, by deciding that it would benefit the organization, I summoned you both here, to live with us." Pein explained. Hey… That kind of rhymes…

"Well I'm a pleased banana." I told him. That was an understatement of my feelings.

"Thank you Pein-sama!" Kathryn said, hugging him happily after she released Konan. "Alice and I are so glad to be back with you guys again! I can't even describe my happiness!"

"I concur." I nodded.

"So you agree to stay?" Konan asked.

"Hells yeah!" I cheered. "I'm not leaving you guys again! Besides, you can use my infinite knowledge in the future."

"What knowledge?" Sasori questioned. "The words 'Alice' and 'knowledge' don't even belong in the same sentence unless one is commenting on your lack of knowledge."

"Oh it is _on_ puppet man!" I snapped, turning dramatically to face Sasori and launch our sarcasm battle into action. "Sarcastic people pride themselves on their abilities to insult others with single words or phrases. Obviously you've been slacking, Danna." Sasori rolled his eyes.

Itachi chuckled and kissed me. "I love you Alice."

I looked up from sending my insult at Sasori to kiss him back. "I love you too Itachi."

Maybe living in the Naruto world with my gang of social outcasts wouldn't be so bad.

* * *

_Yeah, the second chapter will be up soon._

_This is basically just a recap._

_I'm listening to the Macarena right now guys. It makes me happy._

_Also, I want you guys to give me suggestions and stuff for this._

_If you guys draw fanart and stuff for this as well, you'll be my best friend and I'll make a chapter or oneshot especially for you. Any characters, any plot. I'm not doing Yaoi in this story, so don't ask for that. Anything else though you're more than welcome to._

_It doesn't have to be good. Just attempt it. I suck at drawing anyways._

_My DA account is on my profile... At least I think it is. Idr. It's the same name as this account.  
_

Because I Never Got Over It_,_ Starpelt-the-Saneless _and _Akatsuki's a bang_ had the scariest threats. So you can give them partial thanks._

**_All of your guy's reviews made me happy. _**

XxXMiiDNiGhTXxX _gets a special YaY from me because her reviews always make my day. _Emopanda522: I love you too. In a totally non-lesbian/creepy way._  
_

_Anyways, I'm only going to do this sequel as long as you guys want it. If it gets to be over done or start being boring, I want to hear about it._

_I don't want to over do it which is why I asked for your guy's opinion._

_Thank you all so much for reviewing the first part of this story. I couldn't get enough of your praise and... interesting... reviews.  
_

_Well, rant is over._

_Review my loves. If not on this chapter, then the others.  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_Kinda boring, but it's only the first chapter. Don't worry, It'll get better._

_But I'm got impatient with this chapter and I wanted to give you guys _something_ so I'm posting it like it is._

_Enjoy as much as possible I guess._

_I don't own Naruto.  
_

* * *

I sighed loudly as I threw myself on Itachi's bed. After a day of reuniting with the crazy ten people I loved oh so much, I was worn out.

That didn't stop me from creeping on Itachi though. I love doing that.

"Is it bad that I feel like a winner because now I get to sleep with you in _your_ bed?" I asked, giving the stoic Uchiha a suggestive smirk and eyebrow-wiggle.

He chuckled and discarded his cloak as he made his way towards the bed. "Not at all. In fact, I rather glad you feel that way. Because I share the same feelings."

"I hate the fact that you're so fucking hot, Itachi." I pouted. "I won't be able to control myself forever. As perverted as that sounds…" He smirked at that and reached the edge of the bed. He crawled onto it and to me, crawling over me to hover.

"Who said you had to control yourself?" He questioned, kissing me.

Cue jaw drop!

Oh he was just too fucking sexy for his own good!

"How in the world did I ever get so damn lucky?" I demanded between his kisses. He chuckled and rolled to the bed beside me, pulling me into a loving embrace.

"I ask myself that question every time I look at you." He whispered.

"Awe!" I awed. "It's so cute!" I latched onto him. "It's a pity Kisame can't join this love fest though. My inner fangirl totally died from disappointment when I found out you partners don't share rooms."

He rolled his eyes. "My apologies."

"Oh well. That just gives us more privacy." I shrugged, nuzzling into his neck. "I get to do all sorts of perverted things to you and no one can come and save you."

He smiled and kissed me before hugging me tighter. "If it makes you feel any better, Kisame's room is connected to mine."

"Yes!" I cheered with slight enthusiasm. I stifled a yawn. "I'm just glad I have you guys back. I was like a zombie without my weasel."

Itachi kissed me again. "I was lost without you, Alice. I'm overjoyed to have you back in my arms. I missed you beyond belief." I smiled and kissed him before replying with the same.

He smiled at my second yawn. "I think it's time for bed, Alice."

"Awe, no sexy time?" I questioned with a mock pout.

His eyebrows rose and he gave me an extremely seductive look. The weird thing is, I'm entirely sure he meant it. "I don't think you have enough energy for that right now."

My jaw dropped again. "Oh my Jashin…! You're a pervert!" I started laughing.

He chuckled and squeezed me. "Go to sleep Alice. You look tired."

"Chyeah." I scoffed. "Don't leave me, okay? I don't want to lose the love of my life again. Promise me you'll stay with me forever." There was no way I was losing him twice.

"I promise. I wouldn't dream of leaving you. For any reason." He whispered.

I smiled tiredly, suddenly fighting sleep. "Good."

I snuggled up to him as he extinguished the lights. "Good night Alice."

"Night 'Tachi." I muttered tiredly, nuzzling into him as we cuddled in his bed.

"I love you." He breathed in my ear.

"I love you more, bitch." I grumbled into his neck, kissing it before I passed out.

One thing that is going to piss me off about living with the Akatsuki: We have to wake up so fucking early its ridiculous! Pein enjoys torturing us. That asshole…

I felt something soft press against my lips. "Alice, it's time to wake up."

I grumbled about how sexy weasels were as I rolled over, trying to delay waking up.

"Wake up my love." A sexy voice said with a chuckle.

"Too tired." I retorted. I felt something soft and slightly wet press against the side of my neck. Kisses to the neck this early in the morning are so distracting!

"Alice, if you don't wake up, I'll force you to take a shower with me." The voice threatened. I scoffed. As if that was a threat.

I opened my eye to see it was Itachi. "Well if that's the case I definitely ain't getting up."

He chuckled. "Alice, please wake up."

I rolled onto my back, grabbing Itachi before I continued rolling, pinning him to the bed with me. "You go back to sleep. You're too sexy to be up this early."

"Alice, I have to get up. I want you to come with me. I don't want to leave you." Itachi pouted, kissing my face. It… was… so… CUTE!

I died a little on the inside.

Cuteness overload…

"You sir, are being OOC. Stop it!" I whined. I bit his nose. "I don't even have any clothes to change into or anything." My nose biting got rid of the pout.

"Was biting my nose necessary?" He questioned. I nodded stubbornly.

"You stupid, sexy weasel you. I'm not tired anymore!" I pouted, sitting up. "And by the way, you taste good."

He shook his head and sat up with me. "Seeing as you're not Zetsu, I suppose I should take that as a compliment and not be afraid for my life."

I laughed. "Yeah." I looked at him. "Alright, I'm up. Let's get rolling Mr. Sexy-pants."

"The names you come up with never cease to amaze me." He muttered, getting off the mattress before offering a hand to help me.

"Awe shucks." I said with a smirk. I took his hand and he pulled me from the bed and to the door. "Where are we off to?"

"Kitchen. It's my turn to make food." He stated.

"I'll make it!" I proposed.

He shook his head. "You just got here."

I scoffed. "Bitch please. The kitchen is my territory. Besides, it'll be just like old times. Let me make breakfast. You'll just have to teach me what is what because I don't know what kind of shit you guys eat here."

He chuckled. "Just make what you know how to."

"Yes sir." I saluted at him before I walked into the kitchen and paused, gawking around the room. "How the fuck do you work these appliances?"

"Prepare the food and I'll work the appliances, Alice." Itachi stated. "I'll teach you how as we do it."

"Deal." I smiled, throwing a hug on him. I got caught up in his cuteness and kissed him.

We both got caught up in the kiss.

"Oi, can't you two save that for your bedroom?" My second favorite voice asked. I broke away from Itachi to grin at Kisame.

"Good morning my most favorite shark." I sang.

He smirked and rumpled my hair. "Good morning, Alice." He threw himself into a chair at the table. "What's for breakfast?"

"Whatever I can make." I told him. I started snooping around the kitchen while Itachi and Kisame watched me. I found what _seemed_ to be the ingredients for pancakes. So that is what I made. I set about preparing the batter.

"We're having pancakes." I announced to the two partners.

"Sounds good." Itachi commented. "I'll help you make them when you need me."

I nodded, humming to myself as I worked.

About twenty minutes later, Itachi and I had those pancakes ready and waiting.

"OI! YOU BITCHES GET YOUR ASSES IN THE KITCHEN SO YOU CAN EAT!" I shouted. Itachi and Kisame sighed and rolled their eyes at me.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP ALICE! I'M TRYING TO FUCKING SLEEP!" Hidan shouted back. Oh hell no. I just made that ass food and he yells at me.

It was on.

"DON'T MAKE ME COME IN THERE HIDAN!" I hollered.

"BRING IT YOU CRAZY BITCH!" He retorted.

I looked to Itachi. "Where is his room?"

He sighed and smiled at me. "It's down the hall, last door on the right." He instructed, pointing in the direction of the Jashinist's room.

"Yes!" I cheered, running out of the room towards Hidan's. I ran passed Kakuzu on my way there. He rolled his eyes at me as I sped by.

I kicked Hidan's door open and jumped on him. He was still lying in his bed, completely nude except for a pair of baggy shorts. He shouted in surprise when I attacked him.

I began biting his shoulder.

"You crazy bitch! Let the fuck go of me!" He yelled. He rolled over, knocking me off his person before he pinned me to the bed. I fought him without result, trying to get free.

"Hidan you're almost naked! Let me up!" I whined. I did not appreciate partially naked men that weren't Itachi hovering over/sitting on top of me.

"Like what you see?" He questioned with a smirk. "I can show you more if you'd fucking like. All you have to do is fucking ask."

I paused and stared at him flatly. "I'd rather eat dirt."

He scoffed and got off me. "You're fucking insane. I hope you know that."

"Yeah, because you have a lot of room to talk." I snapped before something caught my attention. "By the way, your scythe is awesome!" I ran to it and began gawking at it.

"Hell yeah it is." He said from somewhere behind me. Suddenly I was thrown over his shoulder as he carried me back to the kitchen. He tossed me to Kisame. "I think this fucking thing belongs to you."

Actually, I belong to Itachi. Get it right, Hidan.

"I have a name you asshole." I barked, cuddling into Kisame. "He's so mean, Kisame. He hurt my feelings." I pouted.

Kisame glared at Hidan. "What did you do to her?" Still as protective as always I see. Good to see he hasn't changed. He was perfect the way he is.

"I didn't fucking do nothing!" Hidan snapped. "She fucking attacked me and started biting me." I snickered when Kakuzu chuckled at his partner's expense.

Kisame looked to me for an explanation.

I grinned at him. "He tried to rape me. He was pretty much naked when he pinned me to the bed and started being perverted."

Kisame punched Hidan in the back of the head as the Jashinist scoffed and busied himself with the massive amounts of pancakes I made. Hidan swore under his breath at Kisame as he ate and nursed his now throbbing skull.

Kakuzu, Kisame, Itachi, Hidan, and Zetsu were devouring the pancakes with such rage and viciousness I could have sworn they had either been starved or they were teenagers.

**BOOM!**

A squeal ripped through the post-explosion silence. "Yippy! Explosions!" Kathryn's voice said from off in the distance. "You're so sexy when you blow things up!" I heard another squeal before something better happened.

"Damn it Brat! Stop blowing shit up so early in the damn mornings!" Sasori's very irritated voice scolded. "It's fucking annoying!"

"Does this happen often?" I asked, looking at Kisame whose lap I was still sitting in.

He sighed and nodded. "Every morning."

I laughed. "Shut up Sasori! Your voice is more annoying than the explosions!" I shouted. I grinned and waited for a retort.

I was awarded with a pissed off puppet marching into the kitchen to kill me.

"AH! Pinocchio is angry!" I whimpered, running away from Sasori to hide behind Itachi.

Sasori pointed at me. "I'll make sure you're in the line of fire the next time the brat decides to insult the world of art."

"Deidara makes puppets too?" I questioned, grinning at him.

Itachi glared at Sasori when he made to walk towards me and kill me. Sasori didn't challenge the sexy Uchiha. He settled for glaring at me from across the room until Kathryn and Deidara decided to join us.

"Morning guys!" Kathryn cheered, skipping in whilst clutching Deidara.

"Morning." A few responded while others grunted.

Kathryn frowned at the pancakes. "I didn't know you guys ate pancakes."

"Alice kindly made them for us." Kakuzu informed her.

"**It's better than anyone else's cooking.** No one other than Itachi or Tobi can cook." Zetsu added. "It's good that Alice is here to cook for us now."

Hidan laughed. "It's a fucking good thing you guys wanted to stay too." He pointed at Kathryn and I. I cocked my head to the side.

"Why?" I asked.

"We didn't bother to learn how to send you guys back if you didn't." He stated. "You guys are fucking stuck here."

I shrugged. "Works for me." I looked at Kathryn. "You don't mind do you?"

"As if I'd leave Deidara!" Kathryn said in an appalled tone, latching onto him as if someone was going to try and steal him. "You'd have to kill me."

Deidara chuckled. "I'd never let you leave, un."

Kathryn squealed. "It's so fucking cute!" She glomped him happily, bouncing all the while. She's so enthusiastic sometimes.

Breakfast went on without much more disturbances. I didn't even make Sasori want to kill me which was kind of a plus seeing as he was scarier in his world than he was in mine. I think it was a record. I couldn't threaten to turn them into kittens anymore so I had no means to get my way.

Yet…

"AH!" I shouted, holding the most wonderful thing in the world other than Itachi. I was in his room, waiting for him to get out of the bathroom so I could go watch him train.

"Alice, what's wrong?" He demanded, suddenly at my side.

I held up my iPod. "My iPod came with me! I'm so happy!"

He sighed with relief. "Don't scare me like that, please. I thought someone was attacking you or something."

"Sorry sweetie." I said, hugging him. "I was happy though."

He kissed my head. "I'm glad."

"You're so cute." I told him seriously.

"Thank you." He said kindly. "You're beautiful."

I rolled my eyes at his cheesiness. "Yeah whatever. Let's go kick Kisame's ass." I suggested, jerking a thumb over my shoulder.

He smirked and nodded. "Let's go." He grabbed my hand and pulled me from the room, heading towards the training grounds or wherever the hell he was leading me. I didn't know. This place was fucking huge!

I was led outside to a large open valley hidden in the shadow of a mountain and a shit load of trees and hills. It was actually quite pretty. Despite the excessive rain…

I blame Pein.

"Where are we?" I questioned, gawking at the landscape.

"We're at our base in Ame." Itachi informed me. He kissed my cheek. "Stay here. Kisame and I are going to train now."

I nodded. "Yes my love."

"I love you." He said with a smile.

"I love you more." I told him.

He shook his head. "That is impossible, Alice."

"Obviously it's not because I do." I told him. "Now go train so I can win this argument."

He grabbed my again and kissed me full on the lips, dazing me with his sexiness instantly. I ogled at him when he pulled away.

"I love _you_ more." Itachi said firmly before walking away. Damn him for getting the last word. Oh I was totally not losing this.

I would wait until he was vulnerable and then attack.

My opportunity came when he was extremely absorbed in fighting Kisame. The duo was locked in hand to hand combat, both getting really into it.

"ITACHI UCHIHA I FREAKING LOVE YOU THE MOST!" I declared. He and Kisame both paused in their fight to stop and look at me. I grinned at their confused expressions.

Kisame snickered and smirked at Itachi teasingly. "Well now."

"I love you as well Kisame." I assured him. "Very much so."

He shot a sharped-toothed grin at me. "I love you too Alice." I whooped.

Itachi sighed and wiped his hands together. "Alice, must I tell you again? I love you more." He said seriously.

"And I will tell you that you're insane because I clearly love you more." I snapped.

Itachi made to open his mouth and retort but was stopped by Kisame. "Okay, both of you knock it off. You're both so mushy it's getting weird." He snickered at Itachi's glare. "I think we're done for today ne, Itachi?"

Itachi sighed and nodded in agreement. "I agree, Kisame. We're done."

Suddenly I was being whisked away by a sexy Uchiha back into the base and through the hallways back to our now shared room. I didn't even register what happened until Itachi was kissing me passionately.

I could totally get used to this.

* * *

_Oh I bet you could, Alice._

_Well?_

_Let me know what you think in a review._

_And as always, suggestions as always welcome._

_Ta-ta for now.  
_


	3. Chapter 3

_I know it took longer than with _Consider Yourselves Kitties, _but I've been busy._

_You guys will probably get another one tomorrow.  
_

_Enjoy the somewhat filler chapter._

_I don't own Naruto  
_

* * *

I actually woke up early the next morning. I was proud of myself because I got to see Itachi's sleeping face, and that just made life worth it in my eyes.

He was precious. So cute.

I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and stroking his extremely perfect face. I ran my fingers through the stray hairs that fell onto his face as well. He always wore his hair down when he slept. That just made him sexy.

His hand grabbed my hand a few minutes into my petting and I blinked out of my sexy-boy induced trance to look into his eyes. They were open tiredly and he was gazing at me still half asleep with a small smile.

"Good morning." I said, smiling at him. "Sorry if I woke you."

He kissed my nose, which was all he could reach without having to move. "I don't mind." He released my hand and curled his arm back around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"You're so cute." I informed him. "I couldn't hold back the urge to pet you."

He smirked. "I love you."

"I love you too." I assured him.

He kissed me gently. I don't think he was awake enough to do more than just a small one. That and we both had morning breath and neither of us wanted the other to suffer such torture.

Morning breath sucks.

I cuddled into his chest as he squeezed me tighter. Itachi tucked my head under his chin to limit the distance between our bodies without being sexual. We both sighed contently in unison. There was nothing better than cuddling with the sexiest guy in the world.

Our happiness, however, was short lived.

A loud explosion sounded from the other side of the base, followed shortly after by Hidan's pissed off shouting/swearing.

"Damn it all." I sighed. Itachi chuckled at my tone and pulled away from me to roll out of bed like the super sexy beast he is.

"I think that is our cue to wake up." Itachi said calmly as he shuffled tiredly to his dresser/closet. He was shirtless so that's what my attention was on.

I sighed and rolled out of the bed. I hurried to the bathroom to get my stuff over with so he could do what he needed to do. He came in as I was brushing my teeth to go ahead and just do his morning routine. He kindly saved the morning potty break until after I left.

I totally did not need to see that.

Once we were both ready, we were summoned to the kitchen.

"Come and get breakfast!" Kakuzu called. "If you don't, you can starve."

I smiled at his indifferent tone. "He's so caring."

"He always is." Itachi chuckled. "Let's go."

"Yes sir." I said, jumping up from the bed to join him at the door. He took my hand and we walked to the kitchen together.

We were cut off by Tobi and Zetsu.

"Tobi thinks breakfast should be later in the day. Tobi doesn't like getting up so early." He said dejectedly, walking towards the kitchen in a slump. He had his arms hanging uselessly at his sides as he bent over dramatically.

He's so goofy.

"If it was later in the day, it'd just be lunch Tobi. **Yeah moron. You can't change the meals around because then you'd be in the exact same situation as you are now.** Be nice to him. Tobi's a good boy." Zetsu bickered.

"Morning guys." I said, smiling at them.

"Good morning Alice-chan!" Tobi said in a slightly happier tone. He threw a hug on me and rumpled my hair.

"Good morning Alice." Zetsu told me. "**Morning brat. Hello Itachi.**"

"Zetsu." Itachi said with a small dip of his head. "Tobi."

"Itachi-san!" Tobi chirped, squeezing me again before releasing my body for a more comfortable hold on my hand. He pulled me down the hallway, leaving the more stoic men behind us in his new haste to get breakfast.

"I thought he was tired. **His attention span is too short to be tired.**" Zetsu said as he watched me and Tobi disappear down a different hallway to get to the kitchen.

I smiled at Tobi's enthusiasm. He really did love breakfast. It was cute.

"I love you Tobi." I assured him.

He turned his masked head to me. "Tobi loves Alice-chan too!" He crushed me with the intensity of his now fully awake Tobi-hug before basically carrying me to the kitchen. He deposited me in a chair once we arrived.

I smiled at Kakuzu who was sitting diagonally across from me. "Good morning Kakuzu."

"Hello Alice." He said calmly, resting his chin on his hand.

"Where is Hidan?" I asked.

Kakuzu sighed. "He's probably trying to kill Deidara still. He did not appreciate the explosion this morning."

"I don't think anyone other than the owner of said explosion did." I sighed. "Kathryn probably did too, but that's because she's an idiot."

"**You can say that again.** Oh be nice to Kathryn. She's really nice. **She eats plants.**" Zetsu growled.

I smiled. "Actually, she's been starting to eat meat again. She can't eat too much or she'll get sick. But she's trying to get herself off the veggie food for you, Zetsu."

"**Good. She's not an idiot anymore then.**" Zetsu said with a dip of his head. I laughed.

Itachi smiled as he took a seat beside me. He kissed the side of my head before piling food onto his plate that was set up on the table.

Tobi had disappeared to eat his food without revealing his face.

"So where is Kisame?" I wondered. "Isn't he usually up before everyone else?"

"I'm right here." Kisame said from the doorway. He walked in and sat beside Itachi after rumpling my hair and giving me my good morning hug. "I usually am, yes. Kathryn asked me to help separate Deidara and Hidan though. They had started to get a bit too violent."

"Idiots." A sarcastic and annoyed voice said from the doorway. I looked up to see Sasori walk inside the room. Kathryn bounced in after him with Deidara following after her a second later. He had a split lip. Whether it was from Hidan or Kisame I didn't know.

Sasori took a seat beside Kakuzu and directly across from me. First off, I'd just like to mention that this table was huge. It could easily fit everyone in the base inside it. Two people could sit at each end and there were four seats along the length of each side.

Kathryn took her seat between Sasori and Deidara. She smiled at Itachi who across from her before smiling at Kisame who sat across from Deidara. She stuck her tongue out at me with a happy wink. I just stared at her for a minute in response.

Hidan shuffled into the room a few seconds later to sit at the head of the table beside Kakuzu. "Shut up puppet fucker. He fucking started it by blowing shit up."

"Art is an explosion, un." Deidara snapped, glaring at Hidan.

"Shut up Brat." Sasori growled. "Art is eternal."

Deidara made to open his mouth and retort but was cut off.

"**Shut up. Both of you.**" Zetsu sighed, sitting beside Hidan.

Tobi skipped back into the kitchen and placed his plate into the sink before sitting beside me, taking the last seat on our half of the table. "Tobi agrees with Zetsu-san. Deidara-senpai should shut up!"

"I'll kill you Tobi, un." Deidara growled.

Kathryn giggled. "You guys all totally love each other."

"**No we don't**!" Everyone other than Tobi and myself snapped. Itachi kind of just said it calmly along with Kisame and Kakuzu. Hidan added a cuss word, Deidara added his verbal tick. Sasori added a smack to the back of her head. White Zetsu had remained silent, content with just giving Kathryn a glare while his black half yelled at her.

She pouted. "Assholes." She rubbed the back of her head where Sasori hit her. "So mean, Danna."

"Don't hit her Danna, yeah." Deidara scolded, glaring at his partner as he kissed Kathryn's head. "You could hurt her, un."

"I didn't hit her hard, Brat." Sasori sighed, rolling his eyes. "I just swatted her. She's fine." Kathryn stuck her tongue out at him and he shook his head at her antics.

Deidara glared at his Danna. Kathryn took notice of this and squealed.

"He's so cute when he's being protective!" Kathryn said shrilly. She latched onto him from her seat and kissed his cheek. "Such a cute glare!"

"You do realize that the opposite of what he was going for right?" I asked, leaning back in my chair to raise my eyebrow at Kathryn.

She grinned. "Yep."

Deidara's glare dissipated and he smiled at Kathryn, kissing her forehead gently. She totally brought out the good boy in him. He was always so sweet and gentle around her. When he was causing chaos with me, he was a typical teenage boy ready to blow all kinds of shit up. I loved both of him.

"You're such a pussy Deidara-chan." Hidan scoffed. "She's totally made you a fucking wimp." He crossed his arms and stared at Deidara.

Deidara glared. "Just because I have enough restraint not to act like you in front of Kathryn doesn't mean I'm a wimp, un. You're just barbaric, yeah."

"You wanna fucking say that to my face, Blondie?" Hidan snapped.

"Come over here asshole, un." Deidara snarled.

Kakuzu smacked Hidan in the back of the head. "Stop picking fights with people, moron." Hidan pouted under his assault but didn't argue.

Sasori sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I swear it's like this organization is full of children. What has happened to the Akatsuki?"

"You happened to the Akatsuki." I said with a smirk.

He looked at me and narrowed his eyes. "I blame you."

"I accept your accusation." I replied. "It very well might be my fault. But it's also your for letting it happen."

"She has a point you know." Kisame said, gesturing at me lazily as he held his head off the table boredly.

"Shut up Kisame." Sasori grumbled.

Kisame snickered when I snorted.

"I believe our changes are for the better." Itachi commented. "We've never been this cooperative together. Not to mention, we know more about the future for our plans now that Alice and Kathryn have joined us. Nothing bad has come from their arrival."

"Awe, that's sweet of you love." I said with a smile, kissing his cheek.

Kathryn beamed at him. "You're so nice Itachi!"

Itachi dipped his head politely at Kathryn and grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently. He was so sweet. It was ridiculous.

"One thing hasn't changed about you guys." I pointed out.

"And what might that be?" Zetsu asked.

"Pein and Konan are still anti-social." I admitted. "What do they _do _all day?"

Everyone around the table besides Tobi and Zetsu shrugged. Madara I'm sure wanted to keep his cover but just decided not to comment. Zetsu probably knew.

"I bet they're making out." Kathryn smirked. "They totally love each other."

Sasori and I smacked our foreheads in unison.

"You two are so alike!" Kathryn giggled. "You both think the same way."

"No we aren't!" Sasori and I said together.

She grinned in response and a few of the others chuckled.

Sasori and I exchanged a look and we both shrugged. I stuck my tongue out at Kathryn and got up from the table and left the room. I was bored and I really wanted to do something entertaining. However, nothing came to mind. I traveled to the living room, racking my brain.

My thought process was rudely interrupted by Kathryn.

I heard fast footsteps pounding behind me and I ducked just in time for Kathryn to go flying over me. She crashed into the couch with a loud thump.

I laughed at her. "You're such an idiot Kathryn."

"Shut up!" She pouted. "That totally wasn't fair!"

"Whatever. I dodged your sneak attack. It was as fair as you can get." I scoffed.

"Are you sure you're not an ninja?" She demanded.

I rolled my eyes. "Bitch please, I taught these guys everything they know."

"That is not true in any way shape or form." Sasori said from directly behind me.

I turned around to give him a look. "You're gay."

His eyes narrowed. "Don't make me kill you."

"I'm terrified." I said with a mock shiver.

"You should be." He growled.

It was at that moment that Tobi decided he wanted to prove I wasn't a ninja. He came sprinting into the room, tackling me. We crashed into a random potted plant and I was instantly covered in dirt. Tobi was too, but he was telling me how good of a boy he was.

"Ouch." I sighed, lying on my back in the spoil. Pieces of the pot were digging into my back but I didn't even care right then. I was just trying to keep my composure from killing Tobi.

Kathryn was cracking up at me while Sasori was chuckling his head off.

Dicks.

Itachi and Kisame stood over me, looking concerned.

"Are you alright, Alice?" Itachi asked, kneeling beside me to help me up.

"I'm trying to keep from killing Tobi." I told him calmly. "And I really need a shower now. Damn lollipop of doom."

Zetsu came into the room. "What happened? **You killed it.**"

"Tobi tackled me into this damn plant." I growled. "Control your subordinate/partner please Zetsu. I'm sorry about your plant, but I can't help it when 123 pounds of hyperactive lollipop tackles me into it."

He kind of just stared at me before his white half started laughing.

"How did Alice-chan know how much Tobi weighs?" Tobi asked.

"Bitch, I know everything about you." I grumbled. "Now, I'm going to go and take a shower. If anyone else wants to tackle me, do it now while I'm already a mess. If you make me dirty once I'm clean, I'll cut your dick off. Kathryn, I'll just let Zetsu eat you."

She pouted. "Meany."

"I know." I sighed.

* * *

_Yeah this chapter was kind of uneventful but hey, some are._

_I've got a bunch of bigass projects to do, so don't expect me to update as soon as I did._

_I'll try to though._

_And I really want some suggestions from you guys._

_It'll be a bit before I get to my story line, so I'm wanting to throw in some randomness into the lives of the Akatsuki, Alice, and Kathryn._

_Anyways, review and whatnot.  
_


	4. Chapter 4

_Yeah, so I lied when I said I said I'd post this yesterday._

_I went to a party with "Kathryn"_

_Then we stayed up until like 5 this morning so I'm still super tired._

_Oh well._

_Sorry for any possible typos. I'm too tired and lazy to fix them._

_So deal with it:)_

_Enjoy._

_I don't own Naruto.  
_

* * *

"I need clothes." I pouted as I exited the shower. I had not but a towel on as I plopped my partially wet butt on the counter in the bathroom. I really didn't want to get back in the clothes I'd been wearing for two days. That just sounded yucky.

Plus now that they were covered in dirt thanks to a certain good boy, I refused to wear them. I'd go out in a towel.

A knock on the door gained my attention. "Alice, are you alright?" Itachi asked.

"I'm fine Itachi. But I think we have a problem here." I said with a sigh. I heard the door click and Itachi walked in, pausing when he saw me only in a towel.

He stared.

I just smirked at his slightly nervous expression, waiting for a response.

"I…" He began.

My smirk increased. "Use your words, Itachi."

"I didn't know you weren't dressed yet. I'm sorry." He said quietly, still staring.

I laughed. "You've seen me naked before, Itachi. I don't care that you're in here." I said, shrugging off his apology. "Don't be embarrassed. Besides, I'm wearing a towel."

He nodded, swallowing his nervousness. "Very well."

"Come here." I ordered, motioning with a finger for him to come closer. He obeyed, walking just close enough for me to touch him. I sighed at his politeness and grabbed his shirt, jerking him to the counter so I could kiss him.

"Don't be so nervous Itachi." I stated. "I'm not going to get mad at you."

"Right." He said emotionlessly. I wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing him closer. He put his hands on my cloth-covered waist and stared at me with his gorgeous eyes.

"Now about my problem…" I began.

"What is it?" He asked, kissing my cheek.

I sighed. "I need clothes. I can't wear the same thing for my entire life."

"You're quite right." He said absently, moving to my neck. I smirked at his eagerness. He was so cute when he was like this.

"What should we do about it?" I asked.

He licked the sensitive skin of my neck, earning a slight shiver from me. He smirked at that. "We will have to get you some clothes. I'll ask Konan if you can borrow some of hers so you and I can go to the village to get you some."

"I won't fit in Konan's clothes." I informed him. "She only fit in mine because they were big on her. My boobs are too big for her clothing, I'm taller, and I'm slightly bulkier."

He pulled away from my neck to look at me. "Then you'll have to settle for borrowing mine or wearing yours until you and I can purchase you more."

"Works for me." I told him. "We should take Kathryn too. I bet she's in a similar bind."

He nodded. "Would you like some of my clothes then?"

"Very much so, yes." I nodded, giving him a smile that resembled a child asking for a treat. I loved messing with him.

"Come then." He stated in his sexy voice. He scooped me up in his arms and carried me to his bed. He set me on the edge before searching through his closet and dresser for clothes that would fit me.

I was very upset that Itachi didn't have bras in stock when I realized I'd have to wear my dirty one to keep my girls in check. The rest of his clothing fit me quiet well though. It was a little long for me seeing as he's taller than me but otherwise I was fine.

"You look very attractive in those clothes." He whispered in my ear.

I shuddered. "Please don't be any sexier than you already are." I kissed him. "Let's go get Kathryn so we can get clothes. I'm going to have to make it up to Kakuzu when this is all over with. Poor guy."

"He'll get over it." Itachi told me with a chuckle. He took my hand and led me down a different hallway before stopping at one of the first rooms. He knocked on it.

"I'll get it!" Kathryn's voice said happily. The door was ripped open and Kathryn stood there in nothing but a towel.

I covered Itachi's eyes when he looked shocked. I glared at Kathryn. "Put some damn clothes on you whore." I snapped. "Don't taint my weasel's eyes with your lack of ass."

She pouted. "You're so mean." She looked over her shoulder at Deidara who was lounging on his bed, twirling a kunai absently. "Dei, do you have any clothes that I could borrow?"

"It'll only be for a bit." I told him. "Itachi is taking us to the village to get clothes." I turned Itachi around so he wouldn't have to have my hand pressing over his eyes anymore. He settled for hugging me and shielding his eyes with my neck and hair.

Deidara shrugged. "She can wear them as long as she wants, un." He stood and started searching for clothes for Kathryn to wear. "Here Kathryn. Go in the bathroom and put these on, yeah. That way Itachi doesn't have to hide, hmm."

Itachi frowned into my shoulder. "Excuse me for not wanting to see an innocent teenage girl partially naked when I'm happily in a relationship."

"He's so cute." I smiled, patting Itachi's head. I looked to Deidara. "I'm sure you don't want him seeing Kathryn like that either."

Deidara nodded. "You're right, un. I don't want Itachi looking at what's mine, yeah."

"That's cute." I said without emotion. "And slightly irking considering Kathryn belongs to me. I'm just sharing."

"Yeah right, un." Deidara scoffed. He smiled at Kathryn when she joined us once again, now clothed in his much too big clothing. "You look so cute, un."

She blushed. "Shut up! You're making me blush."

"It's cute when you blush, yeah." He told her with a grin, kissing her. She squealed about his cuteness and kissed him back.

"Alright you two, let's get this show on the road." I barked. "You can look now Itachi. She's decent."

Itachi detached himself from me and looked at Deidara. "Care to join us, Deidara?"

Deidara nodded. "I'll go, yeah."

"Score!" I cheered happily. "Now let's go get money from Kakuzu so we can go get clothes." I said, pointing in a random direction.

"Actually, we don't need to." Itachi stated. "We discussed this before we summoned you. Konan had Kakuzu give me the funds beforehand. We just needed you and Kathryn to pick out what you want."

"Awesome!" I said with a smile. "Let's head out then."

Itachi dipped his head and scooped me up in his arms just as Deidara did the same with Kathryn before both ninjas flew through the base and to the outside world.

It was still fucking raining.

"Hey! Pein! Cut the rain will you? I just took a damn shower! It's cold!" I snapped, glaring up at the sky. We had made it to the city and we were now walking to our first stop which was a bit further in.

It started raining harder.

"You asshole." I grumbled. I could feel him laughing at me. That stupid jerk...

Kathryn was pouting. She instantly caught Deidara's attention as we walked through the city. It was so gloomy with all this rain.

"What's wrong, un?" Deidara asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

She pouted. "If Pein-sama is making it rain all the time, I can't dance naked in it." She shuddered. "He would be watching me like some pervert."

I snorted when Itachi and Deidara both faltered slightly at her statement. God I hope Pein heard that. I bet he's glaring at something.

"At least it's not Hidan." I soothed. "Pein at least has some restraint."

She nodded. "That's true." Her attention snapped around. "Hey, is that the shop we're looking for, Dei?"

Deidara snapped back to reality at her address. "Uh, yeah un." He confirmed. "Let's go in, yeah." He grabbed Kathryn's hand and led her inside as Itachi and I followed in after them.

I was snickering at his behavior while Itachi watched me with a small smile.

Kathryn and I quickly picked out our clothing. I got mostly black clothes while she decided to be weird and get anything that caught her eye. These consisted of mostly red, black, white, gray, blue, and a few purple items. She's so random sometimes.

We got some womanly clothes too. Since we both needed bras and panties in this new world. I kicked Itachi and Deidara out of the store while Kathryn and I bought what we needed to because they looked awkward following us around.

"We're done." I told them as Kathryn and I joined them in the constant rain. I made a mental reminder for myself to be sure to kick Pein's butt when we returned to the base.

"Hey Alice, do you know how far in the series we are?" Kathryn questioned from Deidara's back. He was giving her a piggy back ride. She looked very sleepy.

I frowned. "Good question." I looked at Itachi. "How long has it been since Sasuke joined Orochimaru?"

"I'd say it's been just a little over two and a half years." Itachi guessed. "Why?"

"So you guys started collecting the tailed beasts?" I nodded when Itachi confirmed my assumption. "That's good. You guys will need my help when you decide to go after Gaara."

"My Dei and Danna will not suffer now that I'm here." Kathryn whispered firmly.

Deidara leaned his head back to press against hers. "I won't leave you, un." She smiled tiredly and buried her face into his neck.

"But you two aren't putting yourselves in any danger." Itachi said firmly. "I won't allow it." He squeezed my hand. "No matter what, your lives are priority."

I rolled my eyes. "Over protective weasel."

"Damn straight." He said firmly. Deidara and I exchanged a look and we both started laughing. Neither of us expected Itachi to say something like that. I was surprised Kathryn didn't join us, but then again I think she had finally passed out.

Deidara and I finished our laugh around the time the base came into view. Once we made it inside, Deidara dipped his head at us in farewell as he disappeared further the base with Kathryn, Most likely heading for their room.

I looked at Itachi. "There are two things I want to do right now."

"And those are?" He asked, raising a perfect eyebrow.

"One: I'd like to change my clothes." I said, holding up one finger. "Two: I have a leader to kill." I held up the second finger.

He raised his other eyebrow. "Why are you killing Pein?"

"He's making it rain." I informed him. "This is unacceptable unless the song 'It's Raining Men' by the Weather Girls is playing. I do not hear this song. Therefore, it cannot be done." I smiled at him when he looked utterly confused. "Shall we change, my dear?"

"What goes on in your mind?" He asked me, taking my hand and leading me back to our room so I could change. His expression never changed from looking slightly disturbed.

I looked at him seriously. "You don't want to know."

He nodded. "Somehow, I believe that."

I grinned. "Damn straight."

He chuckled.

It took us another minute to get to the room and about five minutes for me to change. I was humming the song previously mentioned as I went around the room, gaining an amused, yet confused look from Itachi.

"Do I even want to know what the song is about?" He asked.

I laughed. "Probably not, though it's such a good song. It was made before I was born, but I still love it. That generation had all kinds of good songs."

"I see." He nodded. "What is it about then?"

"It's about men raining from the sky. Like legitimate guys falling from the sky like rain for the enjoyment of us females… And gay guys but we won't go there right now."

He raised an eyebrow. "That sounds exceedingly disturbing."

"In a way, yes." I agreed. "Though, if _you_ were raining down from the sky, I'd be a pleased banana." I smiled at him. "Now let's go kill Pein."

He sighed. "This is not going to end well…"

I snickered and grabbed his hand, pulling my weasel from the room. "Oh Itachi, don't be such a downer. It'll be fun!"

I forced him to show me where Pein's location was and I knocked loudly on the door. I threw it open when I received a firm: "enter" from the stoic man. He was sitting at a desk doing paperwork when I entered.

"Alice, is there something wrong?" He asked.

I stepped further into the room, flashing a smile at Konan who was standing by a giant window thing. "Why yes indeed there is something wrong, Pein-sama."

"And that would be?" He questioned.

"Your _rain_," I pointed towards the outside for emphasis, "is getting outrageous."

He raised an orange eyebrow. "How so?"

"You know for a fact that you made it rain harder when I asked you to stop it!" I protested. "Don't you pull the innocent act with me, young man!"

He stared at me. "Did you perhaps consume sugar this morning?"

"I most certainly did." I confirmed. "But your analysis of my behavior isn't going to work, sir! I do not get hyper on pancakes."

"Alice, you know why I make it rain, correct?" He questioned, setting down a piece of paper to humor me. I could see slight amusement in his eyes despite his irritated mannerisms.

"Of course I do." I told him. "I even know what jutsu it is and the hand signs you use to stop said rain." He looked semi-impressed. I would be freaked out honestly.

"Then you can see why I don't stop the rain unless it is necessary." Pein pointed out.

I sighed in defeat. "Fine. But when I go outside, make it a drizzle please. Rain fucks up my hair and I don't like it." He chuckled.

"You know, I didn't peg you as the sort of girl that cared about their appearance." Konan said, smiling at me.

"You're right. I don't." I nodded. "However, when my hair gets all humidity and wet and gross, it makes me feel dirty and greasy and then that just makes me irritated."

"Oh, I see where you're coming from now." Konan said in understanding. She's a girl; she totally knew where I was coming from. Kathryn did and I'm sure Itachi and Deidara knew what I meant. They had super awesome long hair too.

"Very well Alice, I'll keep it at a sprinkle when you're outside." Pein compromised. "However, bear with me if I am too busy to change it."

"Of course my fearless leader." I said with a mock bow. He rolled his eyes and I flared my nostrils in response. His eye twitched and he bit the corner of his lip. I scratched my chin and flexed the muscles of my left arm.

We just communicated.

We are so awesome.

"Bye Pein, I'll leave you alone now." I said happily, breaking the silence.

He smirked slightly. "Goodbye Alice. Be good, alright?"

"Yes sir!" I saluted, heading for the door. I walked outside before I noticed Itachi wasn't with me. Apparently Pein had taken advantage of my absence to talk to Itachi about me.

"-I see then. Very well, you may go too, Itachi." Pein said. "Just make sure she lays off the sugar. I can't have her coming in here to scold me every time she's high on sugar."

"STOP TALKING ABOUT ME, PEIN!" I shouted into the room.

"I would never." He said innocently.

I glared. "Liar." I looked at Konan. "He needs lesson number two again."

She laughed. "I'll get right on that."

"You're such an excellent female." I praised. She just faked a blush. "Now come along Itachi, I want to go and annoy Sasori."

"Yes Alice." He said in a voice of tolerance. I waved goodbye to our wonderful leaders once again before skipping down the hallway with Itachi following behind me calmly.

"Are you sure you're not high on sugar?" He asked with amusement in his eyes.

"Absolutely." I confirmed. "I'm just happy."

His expression softened. "I'm glad you're happy, Alice."

I wheeled around and threw a hug on him. "Thank you. You are partially the cause my lovable weasel."

He patted my hair and kissed the top of my head. "Come, let's go annoy Sasori."

"Yes!" I cheered. I took his hand and we traveled through the base until we reached the hallway in which Deidara's room was. Itachi pulled me down it and stopped in front of the room beside Deidara's.

"Sasori is in here." He informed me.

"Score!" I enthused in a whisper. I glanced at Itachi. "If you don't want to die, you can go and do what you want. I know how to get back to the room now."

He kissed me. "Well, I do have to go and do something for Pein, so I'll see you later."

"Okay." I said with a smile. "I love you Itachi."

"And I, you." He stated, kissing me again.

I shooed him away and waited until his disappeared before "sneaking" inside Sasori's room. He was sitting with his back towards me, reading something.

"Does that thing have pictures, Sasori?" I asked.

He shot a glare at me over his shoulder. "No Alice. It doesn't."

"That's funny; I didn't know you could read." I said with a smirk. "Or are you just acting like you can. It's not good to lie to yourself, Sasori."

"You're hilarious." He deadpanned.

"Awe, you're so nice Sasori." I said happily, skipping into his room. "Teasing aside, what _are _you doing?"

"I'm reading." He said, his eyes locked on the book yet again.

"Thank you, Captain of the Obvious." I said flatly. "Because I couldn't tell what you were doing from just looking at you."

"Then why did you ask?" He questioned.

I sighed. "I meant: what are you reading about, Sasori?"

He looked up at me from his book. "Plants. I need to make a new poison."

"I see." I nodded. "That sounds awesome."

He raised his eyebrow at me. "You are aware that you just said poison is awesome right?" I raised an eyebrow at him in response.

"Yes. I know what I said. What's wrong with that? In the anime, your poison was like super duper strong and lethal. It was awesome." I informed him. "Not to mention, you seemed so much more badass before I actually met you. Now you're just a loser."

"And this is coming from the girl who tripped over the doorframe this morning." Sasori nodded. "Somehow I don't consider your words as an insult anymore."

"You sir, are cruel." I pouted. "I swear Tobi is out to get me. He totally tripped me."

"He was across the room." Sasori scoffed. "Don't blame others for your own stupidity."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't get mad at me because you suck."

"I am not mad at you; therefore your argument is invalid." Sasori stated shortly.

"I have a vagina; therefore your argument is invalid." I mimicked in a very annoying voice. He shot a look at me.

"What do your womanly organs have to do with this conversation?" He questioned.

I gave him a serious look. "They have _everything_ to do with this conversation."

"Somehow I think that is illogical and unreasonable." He informed me.

"So is your face but I never said anything." I snapped.

He sighed and set his book down. "I'm never going to get anything done with you and Kathryn here am I?"

"Nope." I said proudly. "You just have too short of an attention span because you're a dumbass."

"Alice, need I remind you that I am twice your age?" Sasori sighed. "It's a given that I am smarter than you are. Though, that's not saying much."

"Need I remind you that you're a loser?" I asked. "It's a given that I am more awesome than you are. Though, that's not saying much at all."

He narrowed his eyes. "You're being immature."

"You're being temperamental." I stated, sitting beside him on his bed.

His retort stopped when something caught both our attention.

Someone was whispering.

"How long do you think it'll take for them to notice us?" Kathryn asked from the door connecting Deidara's room to Sasori's.

"Good question, un. They'll probably argue for an hour again like last night, un." Deidara stated. "They've both been deprived of sarcasm, yeah."

I looked at Sasori and he rolled his eyes, basically telling me that this should be expected because it's Kathryn and Deidara. I nodded at him knowingly and we stared at Kathryn and Deidara's heads in the doorway, waiting for them to realize we knew they were there.

"That's true. Alice was always saying how much she missed Sasori's sarcasm." Kathryn nodded. I smirked and looked at Sasori who was looking at me with amusement.

"Danna missed her as well. He always told me how disappointed he was with me when I did something he thought was stupid, yeah. He then would always say how he missed having intelligent conversations with Alice, un." Deidara chuckled. I grinned at Sasori and he rolled his eyes and told me not to get full of myself. I quietly told him to practice what he preaches.

He smacked me in the back of the head. Asshole…

"They're so alike." Kathryn giggled.

"No we're not!" Sasori and I said in unison.

Kathryn and Deidara yelped in shock before darting back into the safety of Deidara's room. Sasori and I exchanged a glance that clearly said we weren't amused before he chuckled and I giggled.

I missed his smartass-ness.

* * *

_I did too Alice. I did too._

_Gotta love Sasori's smartass-ness. It makes the world go around._

_I've been going through a Nnoitra phase guys. I think I may be mentally unhealthy._

_Thanks for all the reviews and views thus far lovelies._

_I love you guys in a purely platonic way._

_Have a good life.  
_


	5. Chapter 5

_I have bubble wrap._

_Which has been occupying my free time for the past two days._

_That and massive amounts of homework._

_Anyways, enjoy._

_I don't own that Akatsuki. I sold them for bubble wrap._

* * *

"Alice, Kisame and I are going on a mission." Itachi told me randomly. He had just returned from a meeting with Pein to find me sitting on the back of the couch, forcibly petting Hidan. Said Jashinist was doing his best to ignore me.

I think he really liked it though.

It was just _so_ shiny.

I raised my eyebrow. "What are you doing on said mission?"

He watched me calmly before glancing at Kisame who was standing beside him. Kisame winked at me. "We can't tell you Alice. Pein wishes for us to keep it classified. Unfortunately, we are not allowed to take you with us like Deidara and Sasori took Kathryn. Our mission is a lot more dangerous."

"So when will you be back?" I wondered.

"It depends." Itachi informed me.

I shrugged. "I understand. I'll just annoy Hidan the entire time."

"Fucking bitch." Hidan growled. "Don't you even dare."

I smirked and kissed the top of his silvery head. "Oh don't be scared my lovable Jashinist. It will be most fun. We can annoy Kakuzu too."

He raised his eyebrows at the prospect.

He's evil.

Itachi smiled at me. "We won't be gone long, but I am leaving you in the care of Hidan and Kakuzu. Zetsu will also be here to keep you company. If Hidan proves to be murderous, seek refuge with Zetsu or Kakuzu. I've… requested that they take good care of you in my absence."

"So basically you threatened to kick their asses or Mangekyō Sharingan their faces if anything happens to me." I said offhandedly. Kisame snickered.

Itachi smirked. "I prefer to look at it in a kinder way."

"Of course you do my adorable weasel." I got off the couch after hugging Hidan and latched onto Itachi. I kissed him fully. "Hurry back to me, okay?"

"I intend to." He assured me, kissing me again. He wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face into my hair/neck. "I love you Alice."

"Awe, I love you too, Itachi." I said as seriously as I could with him being extremely adorable. Which I am now 1000000 percent sure is impossible for him… "Be safe."

"I will." He pulled away from me and kissed me again before allowing me to latch onto Kisame.

"You don't get to make-out with me, but you do get a hug and a kiss." I informed Kisame as I kissed him on the cheek and hugged the shit out of his neck when he picked me up to hug me. He was just so damn tall.

"Thanks." Kisame snickered.

"I love you Kisa. Be good and look after Itachi for me. Keep yourself safe okay? I would destroy the world if anything happened to my shark… or my weasel for that matter." I kissed his cheek again. "You need to hurry back to me too. We can terrorize people when you return."

He chuckled. "I look forward to it. I love you kid. Behave please."

"I'll try." I smirked. He set me back on the ground and I hugged and kissed Itachi once more before watching them turn around and head towards the exit of the base.

I turned towards Hidan and grinned. "So… Hidan… how are _you _today?"

"Don't even start trying to annoy me bitch. I'll kick your ass. Pretty boy isn't here to fucking protect you." Hidan snapped.

I looked confused. "But you_ are_ here Hidan."

He glared once he picked up on the fact that I indirectly called him a pretty boy. "Not fucking funny."

"Oh I just love you Hidan!" I said happily, sitting beside him on the couch and latching onto him. "You're so cute."

"Fuck off." He growled.

"Am I really that bad?" I wondered, raising my eyebrow at him.

He gave me a flat look. "Yes."

I pouted. "Fine. I'm telling Kakuzu you're being mean to me." I released him and marched out of the room to go and find the miser.

I found him in the kitchen. He was drinking something, while reading something else. He looked up and gave me a head nod in recognition when I walked in. He did a double take when he saw my pout in place.

"What happened?" He asked. Awe, he really did care. I love Kakuzu.

I walked over to him and pulled up a chair beside him. I sat in it and rested my head on his massively muscular arm before hugging it. "Hidan is being mean to me."

"No I fucking am not!" Hidan snapped. Apparently he had followed me into the kitchen.

Kakuzu gave Hidan a look. "Leave Alice alone, moron."

"She fucking started it." He snapped.

I glared at him. "I did no such thing. I asked you how you were doing today and you copped an attitude with me. I _should_ kick your ass, but I don't want to bother Kakuzu with having to reattach your limbs. I love him too much to want to put him through that torture. Unlike you, who I find to be a huge asshole right now."

Kakuzu sighed. "Is this your way of compensating for your lack of Sasori to annoy?"

Damn it. He caught me...

"Sort of. Why? Am I annoying you Kakuzu?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

He paused to consider my question. "Not yet. But I have a feeling you will end up annoying me. Much like my idiotic partner does continuously."

"I promise I will refrain from annoying you. You've always been one of my favorites. I wouldn't want to upset you." I assured him. It was true. Kakuzu was like my 3rd favorite Akatsuki member. The hugely tall and muscular fetish I have definitely is contributing to my opinion of the dear stitched miser. That and he's just so fucking badass it makes my head spin.

"Thank you." Kakuzu stated. He looked at Hidan. "Be nice to Alice."

I stuck my tongue out at Hidan. "Asshole. Listen to your pimp."

Hidan's glare turned murderous. "You little bitch. The second you're away from the dickhead, I'm sacrificing you."

"Jashin will save me before he saves you fucker. He likes tits better than dicks." I said seriously, pointing at my boobs and then in the direction of his genitals. "Though, I think you're lacking both."

Kakuzu snorted into his drink and Hidan launched ninja weapons at me. I eeped in fear but Kakuzu deflected them all with his hardened hand of badass-ness. "Hidan, do not hurt Alice." He snapped, glaring at Hidan.

Hidan frowned. "Fucking bitch deserves it."

"You're just jealous because my non-existent penis is bigger than yours." I smirked. Kakuzu put his hand on my head, still glaring at Hidan in warning.

"Alice, perhaps you should stop irritating Hidan. As amusing as I find his misfortune, I'm busy and I don't feel like deflecting his attacks when you piss him off." Kakuzu sighed.

I saluted. "Roger Captain." I looked at Hidan. "I'm sorry Hidan. I'm sure you are completely normal. I just enjoy your expressions when you get angry." His glare lessened.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and I kissed his cheek before slipping out of the kitchen through one of the many doors. The base was huge so there were multiple exits from the kitchen so one didn't have to go through the entire base just to enter through one door.

I traveled through the base on my own for a time. I didn't really know where I was going, but I found out where I was when I found me and Itachi's room. I stood in the doorway for a bit, staring at his bed.

I missed him already.

Jashin I was pathetic.

I could already tell I wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight. If I did, I'd surely have a night terror. I never could sleep when Itachi wasn't beside me. Even when it was in the middle of the night and I was in a dead sleep, if Itachi left even for a minute, I'd start getting really bad nightmares and most of the time wake up until he returned.

My body and mind were so attached to that weasel it was embarrassing.

And yet I couldn't bring myself to care.

I enjoyed being with him in any way, shape, or form and he loved being with me. This just gave us both an excuse to stay with each other forever. Not that either of us needed one.

I loved him, and he loved me.

Win.

"**What the hell are you doing?**" A familiar, skitzo voice asked from behind me. I turned around from staring at Itachi's bed to see Zetsu standing behind me.

"Hey Zetsu." I said with a smile. "I was just thinking. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Are you okay? You look a little down. **It's probably that time of the month.**" I shook my head at Zetsu's antics before shrugging.

"I'm fine. I'm just thinking. What are you doing?" I asked.

"**Checking on you. **Itachi asked us to watch you." Zetsu informed me. "**You'd think you were a small child because of how protective he is over you.**"

I shrugged. "Hey man, I'm not complaining. I get to have a nice conversation with you now." I patted his cloaked shoulder. "You should hang around more, Zetsu. You're actually very nice to talk to."

"Thanks. **Kathryn annoys us every time we show up.** She does not. We just have a lot of stuff to do." He smiled at me. "He really does like Kathryn. **Shut the hell up.**"

I smiled. "You make me happy Zetsu." I looked around. "Is Tobi here?"

"Yes. I'm not sure where though. **Probably annoying someone or wrecking havoc.**" Zetsu stated. He patted my head before rumpling my hair. "Well Alice, we have to keep surveillance around the base. So we'll see you later. **See you brat. Behave.**"

"Check ya later Zetsu." I said, watching him phase through the wall. Once he was gone I shut the door to Itachi's room and wandered to the living room again. I threw myself on one of the couches and waited for something fun to come to mind.

Nothing came for like four hours I kid you not. It came with Hidan walking back into the room. He paused for a second when he saw me lounging on the couch before taking a seat beside my head. He couldn't have sat on the other couches. Nope. He had to sit with me.

He patted my head. "What the fuck is up with you, bitch?"

"I have a name Hidan." I sighed.

He nodded. "I know."

I shifted in my spot, pulling my stray hairs from under him because he basically sat on me. I then adjusted my position so I had my head resting on his lap. It wasn't awkward or suggestive or anything because I never even thought about it like that. I don't think Hidan did either. Even though he's an idiot 99% of the time, he could still tell I was kind of upset.

He just patted my head again and allowed me the contact of laying on him. I don't know why, but sitting here with Hidan was making me feel better. I was sad about Itachi and Kisame being gone, and I didn't have the distraction of Kathryn.

"Thanks Hidan." I sighed.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "For what?"

"Being here." I said with a shrug, closing my eyes. "I love you."

"I know you do, bitch." He teased. "I like you too."

I smiled. "I know you do."

He started petting me. He didn't mean anything by it. I could tell by how he was doing it. It was just a soothing gesture. He might be a psycho religious asshole, but he could be really nice if he wanted to be. Hidan definitely was a sweetheart when he tried.

"You know Hidan; you're really nice when you want to be." I told him.

He smacked my forehead gently. "Shut the hell up or I'll cut your damn head off."

I laughed. "That's my boy."

Hidan chuckled. "You're not an annoying, crazy bitch when you try."

"Shut the hell up or I'll bite your damn head off." I threatened.

He smirked. "That's my crazy bitch."

We have fucking moments together.

It's nice.

"You know, if anyone walked in here right now, they'd be so fucking confused about this situation." I said with a smile.

He snickered. "Sucks for them then."

"Good response." I smirked.

"So what are you fucking moping about? If you say it's because you miss the pussy Uchiha I'm going to hit you." Hidan stated.

I sighed. "So hit me."

He rolled his eyes. "You're both so far up each other's asses that I'm surprised we can find either of you."

"That's a nice mental image." I said, narrowing my eyebrows, trying to rid my mind of the image. "Thanks asshole."

He chuckled. "You're welcome bitch." He paused in his petting to pat me. "But seriously though, he's been gone for a few fucking hours and you're moping about it."

"Forgive me for being emotionally attached to someone." I said with an eye roll. "Sorry that I miss the guy I love."

"Don't get pissy, I'm trying to make you fucking feel better." Hidan sighed.

"I know. But you're doing a shitty job." I stated.

He shrugged. "This isn't my profession. This is Konan's fucking job."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever Hidan." I smiled after a minute. "Thanks though."

"Don't mention it." He said, closing his eyes and resting his head against the back of the couch. "You survived for six months without any of us. I think you can handle a few days."

"Yes I can, but it still doesn't change the fact that I miss him." I sighed. "I don't have Kathryn or Sasori to distract me. You're not as easy to tease as he is. Or as fun. You'll actually hurt me when I tease you. Sasori just insults me back. Kathryn just pouts and tells me I'm mean." I smiled thinking about the various times I annoyed all three people.

He scoffed. "Damn right bitch. I'm not a pussy like that puppet fucker."

"Not even in the same category." I agreed sarcastically. Sasori, in truth, wasn't even close to being a "pussy". He was just too nice/lazy/calm/intelligent/awesome to physically fight me. He just resorted to verbally fighting me. I responded to his challenges more than willingly.

They were fun.

"On the bright side of your little moping session, Deidara-chan, the skinny bitch, and the puppet fucker will be back sometime tomorrow."

I smiled. "Good. But for now, I'll just enjoy the alone time I have with my most favorite Jashinist."

"Damn straight you crazy bitch." Hidan smirked.

We bonded for the rest of the day. I left him alone when he went to do his rituals. During that time I bonded with Kakuzu and Zetsu who were both hanging out in the kitchen. That was nice too. I love Zetsu and Kakuzu.

I made them all dinner which was around the time Tobi decided to be hyperactive and present. He occupied me for a time before he departed with Zetsu to go and gather supplies for Pein. I didn't really see either of them after that.

I spent some more quality time with Hidan and Kakuzu before I deemed it was bed time. I was worn out from my moping and from Tobi. He has enough energy to drain everyone else's. Hidan and Kakuzu copied me a few minutes later. Tobi had the same effect on them.

Especially since Tobi thought it would be funny to torment Hidan while he was here.

That was amusing.

Anyways, I grudgingly entered Itachi's room and flopped in on our bed. I curled up alone and pathetically in the middle of the bed and latched into one of the pillows. I did fall asleep unlike what I had predicted earlier.

But I didn't sleep for long.

I had a night terror. It wasn't a bad one where I woke up screaming, but it was bad enough for me to be scared enough not to want to go back to sleep to deal with that again.

Without even thinking about what I was doing, I got up from the bed and left the room. I trailed through the base until I reached my undetermined destination. I entered said room and went straight to the bed that was occupied by a man who looked slightly confused at seeing me.

"What the hell are you doing?" Hidan asked when I rolled into the bed with him and went koala on him.

"I had a night terror." I told him with a sigh. "Just ignore me being here. I'll make you breakfast in the morning."

He raised his eyebrows at me before shrugging and letting it go. He allowed me to cling to him.

"You really are fucking attached to that guy." He sighed.

I nodded. "I know. Sorry about this Hidan. I just kind of came in here subconsciously."

"Whatever. Don't fucking worry about it. Just don't fucking tell anyone I'm doing this or your damn Uchiha will throw a bitch fit on me." Hidan grumbled.

"It'll be our little secret." I assured him.

He nodded and closed his eyes, preparing to sleep.

"Thank you Hidan." I sighed.

"Go to fucking sleep." He growled. I smiled.

His growl had no meanness to it. Whether it was from his tiredness or the fact that he was actually a nice guy sometimes I wasn't sure. I didn't care either way.

* * *

I woke up before everyone else and snuck out of Hidan's room. I went straight to the kitchen and made breakfast. I did my absolute best to make Hidan's favorite breakfast food from our world. He liked bacon and sausage and thankfully they had stuff that was very close to it.

I promised him I would make him breakfast for being nice to me.

I made some pancakes as well and what I assumed to be French toast.

At least I think it was toast... I'm not entirely sure about some of the food and stuff these guys have in this base.

Most people would consider some things questionable...

But I made them whatever I could. *Insert smiley here*

Yeah, I love these guys.

Don't judge.

Kakuzu was the first one up.

"I prefer this alternative to a wakeup call." Kakuzu sighed tiredly as he went to the table. I piled food onto a plate for him so he didn't have to get up and set it before him.

"You prefer this to what?" I asked, giving him some chopsticks.

Chyeah. That was definitely a plus about this world! I _LOVE_ chopsticks.

"I prefer this to Deidara blowing shit up and Hidan yelling." He told me with a yawn. "At least I benefit from this alternative."

"I'm glad I could help." I said with a smile. He rumpled my hair before focusing on eating. I swear men care only about food and sex from the time they wake up until its bedtime. Well, Kakuzu had money in there, but I think food took priority right now.

"What do you want to drink Kakuzu?" I asked. If I recall correctly, they have stuff other than water in this kitchen. I never drank any of it because I didn't trust it.

Just like half the food.

I think this may be a reoccurring theme here.

The kitchen is trying to tell me something I just know it.

"Water." He said, lifting his eyes away from his food to look at me. "Thanks." He added when I gave him a glass.

I smiled at him. "No problem. I'm going to go wake Hidan up."

"Good luck." Kakuzu scoffed.

Giggling at his tone I left the kitchen to go and wake the Jashinist. Because he was nice to me yesterday, I wasn't going to be mean and wake him up rudely. I'd be super duper nice.

I walked into his room and went around to his side of the bed. I grabbed his shoulder and shook it gently. "Hidan, wake up. I made breakfast."

He opened one eye to glare at me. "Fuck off."

"Oh don't start that Hidan." I sighed. "I made your favorites. Get up so you can eat it while it's still hot. Before Zetsu and Kakuzu eat it all."

"I hate you." He told me with a tired groan. He rolled out of the bed and trailed after me as I led him to the kitchen. Once I set food in front of him, he devoured everything I set before him like he'd been starved.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes at his partner and greeted Zetsu when he entered. Tobi came in a few minutes later, skipping happily whilst whistling a tune. Tobi hugged me and thanked me kindly for the food before gathering himself some and disappearing to eat privately.

"Good morning Zetsu." I said once I was given a chance to breath.

"Good morning Alice. **Morning twerp.**" Zetsu told me. He was always so partially kind.

Kakuzu looked at Zetsu. "Anything going on today?"

"Sasori, Deidara, and Kathryn will be here in the next ten minutes." Zetsu informed us. "**An explosion and a squeal was enough to tell us that. **Anything other than their return, I know of nothing going on."

"Of course it was." I sighed in relation to the explosion and squeal he mentioned. I could just imagine that situation.

I fell silent with the others and waiting for the approaching members to arrive.

"Hurry Danna! I want to see Alice!" I heard a voice say about ten minutes later.

I looked at Zetsu. "Good call." He chuckled in response.

"Then go and see her brat. Why the hell are you still riding my back? Go and annoy your boyfriend." Sasori's voice grumbled.

I smirked. "Oh, I can already smell the sarcasm brewing in that gingery head of his."

"I heard that Alice." Sasori snapped, sticking his head into the kitchen.

I smiled at him. "I missed you Pinocchio."

"I cannot say the same." He sighed, entering the rest of the way into the kitchen with an eye roll. Kathryn skipped into the room after kissing him on the cheek.

"Danna is so cute." Kathryn announced. She skipped to Hidan and hugged him. She kissed Kakuzu's cheek and forcibly hugged Zetsu and kissed the white side of his face before attacking me with her love and affection that wasn't already drained for Deidara and Sasori.

"Alice!" She said happily. "I missed you mommy."

"I missed you too Kathryn." I assured her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yep. Dei and Danna kept me very safe the entire time. I even got to ride in Hiruko with Danna!" She giggled. "It was fun."

"I bet it was." I laughed. "I bet he enjoyed it."

"He threatened to kill her more times than I can count, un." Deidara said as he entered the room smiling. "She was annoying the hell out of him by singing."

Kathryn giggled manically. "That is what Danna gets for being a butthead and tripping me with his metal tail."

"He did it to you too then?" I scoffed. I looked at Sasori when he entered. "You're just all kinds of assholish aren't you?"

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever Alice."

I smirked before turning my attention to the blonds who were cuddling in one of the chairs together. Deidara was whispering what I'm sure were sweet nothings in Kathryn's ear who was trying to contain squeals about his cuteness.

"Dei, Kat, if Hidan, Zetsu, and Kakuzu didn't eat everything, there is breakfast you guys can have." I looked at Sasori. "You're more than welcome to eat too Sasori."

He rolled his eyes. "You're so considerate."

"I try." I said with a smile. "Be prepared because you're getting all kinds of teasing. Itachi and Kisame left on a mission, so I have nothing to keep me occupied from bothering you."

"In their absence, I am able to punish you for annoying me though. So think wisely before you decide to annoy me." Sasori threatened.

"Touch her and die." A raspy voice growled. I looked towards the door to see Kisame standing there with his toothy grin clearly plastered on his face.

I attacked. "Kisame!" He lifted me off the ground in a hug.

"We were only gone for a day, Alice." He said with a gentle chuckle.

I pouted. "It was a day in hell."

"Did anyone harm you?" The sexiest voice in the world asked.

I dismounted from the shark to latch onto weasel. I hugged him, too relieved to see him than to actually do anything extreme right then. I was content just being near him.

"Alice?" Itachi asked with concern in his voice.

"No one did anything." I assured him after a minute of hugging him. "I just missed you and Kisame. I couldn't annoy Sasori so I was bored and alone the entire time. Hidan, Zetsu, and Kakuzu were fun to hang out with though."

Itachi nodded and kissed me. "I missed you too, Alice."

"AWE!" Kathryn squealed, squeezing Deidara. "They're so cute!" She shook Sasori. "Look at how cute they are Danna."

Sasori just rolled his eyes while I blocked out the others and focused on loving my weasel. He did the same, more than willingly.

We were ridiculous in all forms and meanings of the word.

* * *

_Alice and Hidan have bonding time!_

_And no, Alice and Hidan aren't intimate. It's a purely platonic relationship._

_She just needed a buddy. Trust me, if she wanted someone other than Itachi, it'd be Kisame._

_A little Hidan OOC, but I believe he has a heart somewhere in his stripperness. He just never showed it in the little screen time he had. _

_Which is BS btw._

_He kind of reminds me of my friend Brent. And Brent can be nice when he needs to be._

_Anyways, love to hear from my dear readers._

_You don't even have to review. You can message me._

_:) But yeah, my older brother just danced to Caramelldansen with me._

_He's the best. _

_Toodle-oo!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Obviously I'm not updating as much as I used to._

_I fear I've become busy._

_That and I have had a constant migraine for the past week._

_It sucks shit if I do say so myself._

_Anywhozal, yeah, here's the next chapter._

_Sorry for the wait guys._

_I love you. Lots._

_I don't own the Akatsuki or the rest of the wonderful world of Naruto._

_Damn...  
_

* * *

A few weeks into living with the Akatsuki in the Naruto universe, I found myself in Kakuzu's room with Hidan. Both of us were getting scolded about how floors cost money to clean and that Hidan's blood stained the floors.

Basically he was telling me not to stab Hidan with his scythe unless it was in one of the rooms he was allowed to bleed in.

How was I supposed to know Hidan had rooms he was allowed to bleed in? I've only been here for a few weeks. And how was I supposed to know I wasn't allowed to stab Hidan because he made fun of me for running into a poorly placed wall.

That thing came out of nowhere.

I swear these hallways are like the stairways in Harry Potter. They like to change.

Currently I was sitting in a chair beside Hidan, trying to pick the caked on blood from my leg. Hidan was ignoring Kakuzu, watching me work in a trance.

"Hidan are you listening to me?" Kakuzu growled.

"Yes I fucking was, dumbass." Hidan snapped, looking back up to Kakuzu.

Kakuzu frowned, clearly not trusting him. "Then what did I just say?"

"Some shit about how blood stains carpets." Hidan sighed.

I smirked. "He said that like ten minutes ago." I laughed when Hidan's jaw dropped at me. "He was telling you that if you got blood over the floors again, you'd have to clean them with your toothbrush."

Kakuzu looked at me. "I'm surprised you were listening."

"Of course I was. I only ignore Hidan and Sasori." I informed him. "Well, and Kathryn when she's being especially annoying but that's beside the point…"

"Very well Alice, you may go." Kakuzu stated. "You're done with your lecture." He turned his glare to his partner. "You however are not done."

"What the fuck Kakuzu?" Hidan demanded. I laughed openly at his misfortune and punched him in the back of the head before running from Kakuzu's room to escape his wrath.

I ran straight into Zetsu.

"Hey there Zetsu, how are you?" I asked from my spot on the ground. I had bounced off of him and fell over.

"I'm fine Alice, how are you?" Zetsu questioned. "**Watch where you're going next time you dumbass. **Hey be nice! **She ran into us! **She didn't mean to."

Such conflicting personalities…

"I'm fine. I didn't mean to run into you by the way. I apologize for that. However, I was running from a psycho." I informed him as I got to my feet.

"**Which one?**" He asked. "**This place is full of them.**"

I laughed. "Excellent response Zetsu." He smirked. "I was running from Hidan. I punched him in the back of the head so I expected him to run after me."

"That would make sense." Zetsu mused. "Didn't you stab him earlier?"

I nodded. "He made fun of me so I stabbed him with his scythe. Kakuzu was scolding us but I got out early for good behavior."

"**Must you make it sound like prison?**" Zetsu asked.

"Have _you_ ever been lectured by Kakuzu?" I said skeptically putting my hands on my hips as if to make a point. Obviously I did.

He paused. "**Good point.** So Hidan is still in there I presume?"

"Yep." I looked behind me as the door was jerked open and Hidan marched out. His eyes lit up when they landed on me. "But now he's not so I have to go!" I took off down the hallway. "Bye Zetsu! See you later!"

"OI! Get back here!" Hidan shouted, running after me.

I was booking it through the base. Hidan was right on my tail. He may have been one of the slower Akatsuki members, but he was hell of a lot faster than I was.

I glanced over my shoulder in my escape attempt to see him running after me with his scythe very much in his hand. I yelped in fear and increased my speed, calling out to my saviors.

"KISAME! KISAME HELP ME! HIDAN'S BEING A PSYCHO!" I shouted, my voice echoing through the base.

After a few seconds of no shark aiding me, I tried a different approach. "TOBI! TOBI, COME BE A GOOD BOY AND HELP ME!"

A few seconds later I called for my next helper. "KAKUZU! SASORI! HIDAN'S TRYING TO KILL ME!"

"Just let him! It'll be a lot quieter!" Sasori's voice called from in the distance.

"FUCK YOU SASORI YOU ASSHOLE!" I retorted. "GO PLAY WITH YOUR FUCKING DOLLS YOU JERK!"

"Don't make me come over there!" He threatened.

"BRING IT PUPPET-BITCH!" I snapped.

I heard a loud thud behind me to see Kathryn had lunged from an intersecting hallway and tackled Hidan. She was now on her feet, kicking the Jashinist who was still in shock about what happened.

Nobody ever suspects Kathryn.

This is why she gets away with just about anything…

Except for when I'm around. Then I get her.

"Run Kathryn!" I warned. She eeped in fear and ran at me, grabbing my hand and pulling me along with her. We both fled for our lives, from Hidan who had recovered. He was now throwing curse words at us as he chased us.

"KISAME!" I tried again. I grinned as my shark entered the hallway a few feet ahead of us, grinning at me. Kathryn and I sidestepped him and skidded to a halt, waiting to see what he'd do to Hidan who was still sprinting after us.

"IF ANY BLOOD GETS ON MY WALLS OR FLOORS, I'M COMING AFTER YOU TWO ALICE AND HIDAN!" Kakuzu's deep voice sounded through the long hallway.

Hidan and I exchanged a look as he stopped on a dime to face off against Kisame.

"I don't want to be attacked by the miser." I muttered, hugging Kathryn.

She patted my head reassuringly. "Don't worry, I'll vouch for you. It was all Hidan's fault." She shot him an evil smirk. She was so crafty sometimes it made me shiver in fear.

Jashin I love her.

"Hey fuck you, you skinny bitch!" Hidan snapped. He glared at Kisame. "You're too over protective of her! The bitch is crazy!"

"I don't want to deal with an angry Itachi." Kisame explained. "Plus, I love little Alice." He reached behind himself to pull me and Kathryn into a hug. "And Kathryn."

"Awe, we love you too Kisame." Kathryn said happily, hugging the shit out of him with me. We both clung to him and stuck our tongues out at Hidan. Said Jashinist rolled his eyes and returned his weapon to his back.

"Whatever, I'm going to do a fucking ritual." Hidan growled, turning to stalk down a hallway to a room he was allowed to bleed in no doubt. "I'll get you back later, bitch."

"Bring it asshole." I snapped.

He glared at me before disappearing down the side hallway.

"Hey Kisame, have you seen Kathryn, un?" Deidara's voice asked. Clearly Kisame's large muscular form was positioned perfectly to block Kathryn's tall, utterly skinny form from Deidara's view.

"I'm here Dei!" Kathryn exclaimed happily, detaching herself from Kisame so she could skip to Deidara. She latched onto him and kissed his cheek. "I missed you."

"You probably didn't see him for like ten minutes." I sighed.

"They were a very sad ten minutes too." Kathryn pouted. "I just love my Dei-Dei." She hugged him and started nuzzling him like a cat.

Deidara chuckled. "I missed you too Kathryn, un." Kathryn squealed about his sweetness before kissing his hand-mouth. She jumped up and down with excitement when it licked her.

"That's so awesome and strangely sexy!" She cheered. "Let's go make babies!"

Kisame and I, who had been watching the two blondes in confusion and disturbance, turned to each other and exchanged a look.

"What is going on?" He asked.

"They're blondes. Don't question what's going on in their minds. You won't like what you find." I stated seriously.

He gave me a concerned look before patting my head. "Let's leave the two love birds alone then shall we?"

"Sounds good." I nodded. "Keep your pants on Kat." I threw in as Kisame and I walked away from her and Deidara. They were currently cooing at each other like love-struck teens.

Well I guess they kind of were…

"That's no fun Alice!" Kathryn pouted. I heard Deidara laugh.

When Kisame and I entered what posed as the living room for the Akatsuki I instantly glomped my weasel. He just looked so cute sitting there on the couch by himself.

"Itachi!" I said dreamily, hugging him.

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me, allowing me to take a seat beside him on the couch. "Everything is so much livelier with you and Kathryn here."

I grinned. "I try babe." I paused. "Is it just me or does anyone else feel a wanna-be puppet burning holes into them?" I turned my attention to one of the other couches to see Sasori glaring at me with the desire to maim or brutally slaughter.

Basically his glare reminded me of Hidan.

"Is something wrong my dearest Loofa?" I asked.

His glare intensified.

Ah! More Hidan!

"Use your words Loofa. I only talk to Pein in silence." I sighed.

The correct term would be "in code" but Sasori wasn't encoding his message right now. It was clear by his expression that he wanted me to be eaten by an alpaca.

… Definitely…

"You're an annoyance." He growled.

"And you're a puppet. But we don't get all pissy at you for that. We accept your differences." I said, lifting my finger in the air to make a point.

"Alice, let's not make Sasori want to commit murder. Shall we?" Itachi asked, giving Sasori a look. It must have been scary because Sasori stopped willing my head to explode.

"Yes my love." I smiled. I looked to Sasori. "My apologies, Loofa dear."

He sighed. "You're not even worth the argument."

"Awe, that's so sweet of you dearest Pinocchio." I smiled.

"Alice!" Kathryn called.

I raised my eyebrow. "Yeah?" I hollered back, wondering what she wanted.

"Come here! I need your help with something!" Kathryn begged.

I sighed and kissed Itachi's cheek before doing the same to Kisame and Sasori. "I'll be back my dearest criminals." Sasori glared at me while Kisame grinned and Itachi smirked.

I skipped through the base to Deidara's room. When I got there I knocked, waiting to be allowed inside.

Kathryn threw open the door and grinned at me. "Yippy, you listened. Get in here. I need you to help me do something."

"Okay…" I said with a raised eyebrow. I smiled at Deidara who was standing near the bed and he smirked in response. "What do you need?"

"I need you to help me put my necklace on. Deidara's hands keep licking me and the tongues get in the way when he helps. I can't do it by myself." She pouted. "Please?"

I sighed. She always asked me to do shit like this for her. Because she was so tall and skinny, her hands were big and rather weak. She couldn't get her fingers to work with the clasp so I had to do it. She usually never took it off, but I guess she did just now.

"Yeah, I'll help you. Sit on the bed, you're too tall for me to do this standing up." She complied, sitting on the bed and I quickly adjusted her necklace. She thanked me with a high pitched thank you and a loving hug.

"Thank you!" She said happily, hugging me. She then released me to glomp Deidara. "I got this necklace because of you, sir." It was a necklace with a silver owl with two blue gems as its eyes. It was on a chain and had Deidara's name and her name carved into the back of it. I had specially ordered it for her for our anniversary.

What? You guys don't have an anniversary with your best friend to celebrate the very day you became best friends? I'm the only one?

Don't call me weird. I love her.

"It's beautiful, un." Deidara assured her with a sweet kiss to her forehead. He smiled before he finished his compliment. "Just like you, yeah."

I awed, but it was drowned in Kathryn's squeal. She kissed him fully on the mouth, wrapping her arms around his neck as she bounced in her spot.

"You're so cute!" She said, hugging him. "You're the best boyfriend ever. You're so sweet. Oh gosh I just love you! Dei!" She kissed him repeatedly, rapid fire.

"I love you too, yeah." He laughed. He smiled at me when he was able to breathe. "She loves it when I say gooey stuff, un." He chuckled and hugged Kathryn lovingly. "She gets so excited, hmm."

"Yeah, she's a goofball." I agreed. I was genuinely pleased Kathryn was so happy. Then my world froze as something came to mind. My eyes widened in horror. "Kathryn."

"What?" She asked, her smile faded as she looked at me with concern because of my sudden change in behavior.

"What day is it today?" I asked in a whisper.

She raised her eyebrow. "Tuesday?"

"NO!" I said in despair, my world coming to an end.

Deidara and Kathryn both paused in shock as I fell to the ground in a faint, face-planting into the floor.

Itachi was crouching beside me in an instant with Kisame and Sasori right behind him. He placed his hand on my head.

"Alice. Alice, what's wrong?" Itachi demanded in a worried town. "What happened?" He shook me gently. "Alice."

"I can't believe I didn't notice this before!" I covered my face with my hands and cried invisible tears. "Oh the horror!"

"What happened?" Itachi demanded in an utterly calm and sexy tone, glaring at Deidara.

Deidara put his hands up in defense. "I don't know, un. She asked Kathryn what day it was and then fell to the ground after shouting. I don't have a clue what just happened, un."

"Oh I'm so depressed!" I whined. "Someone just kill me now."

"With pleasure." Sasori grumbled. He stopped when Itachi glared at him and Kisame smacked him in the back of the head.

Itachi stroked my hair gently. "Alice, what's wrong?"

"I can't watch Bleach in this world! Nor can I keep up on Naruto!" I pouted. "My life has ended! I will never be the same!" I shuddered. "Ah! The withdraws are starting!"

Kathryn face-palmed and so did Sasori. Itachi sighed with relief and Kisame started laughing. Deidara just kind of stared at me in confusion.

"Alice, please don't scare me like that." Itachi said with a sigh, helping me sit up.

"This is a dire situation Itachi. I don't think you see the torture I'm going to be going through until my body cleanses itself of my addiction." I said seriously, giving him a look.

"I am sorry for your inconvenience, Alice." Itachi said with slight amusement in his voice. "But I'll be here to help you get over your addiction. It's as simple as a distraction."

I perked up at this. "Oh yeah? And how do you intend to do that?"

He grabbed my chin and kissed me. "I'll show you when the need arises."

I smirked. "I accept your challenge."

"Her attention span is insulting." Sasori sighed, walking out of the room. Kisame chuckled and left as well, saying something about going to see Pein.

"Your face is insulting!" I shouted back.

"I don't care!" He called before his door slammed.

I frowned. "Fucking sourpuss."

"I can hear you!" He shouted from the next room.

My frown phased into a grin. "Good! Stupid doll!"

"Don't make me kill you." He snapped from his bedroom.

"Bring it bitch!" I barked. "You're less intimidating than Kathryn!"

The door connecting his room and Deidara's opened and he poked his head in. "That was below the belt, Alice."

I smirked in victory. "I win this round."

"I don't even have a response to that." He sighed. "I admit defeat."

"YES!" I cheered, glomping Itachi. "I will remember this as the day that Sasori actually admitted defeat. Usually when I win, he just starts another round."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "This has gone to her head. She'll be ranting about it for the next hour." He turned back around and disappeared into his room, shutting the door behind him.

I turned to Itachi. "He's just pissy because I won."

"Indeed he is." Itachi chuckled. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me from the room, leaving Deidara and Kathryn, who had resorted to making out while Sasori and I battled, alone.

We exited the room and _I _ran straight into a shark. Itachi probably knew he was there.

Damn observant ninja…

Kisame had been standing right outside it, his cloak on and Samehada on his back. He looked at Itachi when I righted myself and after giving me a grin.

"We have a mission, Itachi." Kisame stated, handing him a scroll.

Itachi nodded. "Give me ten minutes." He scooped me up and we were back in his room within the next few seconds.

"So does that mean you're leaving me?" I questioned, watching him bustle around the room. He had left his Akatsuki cloak and most of his things in the room while lounging around the base. He didn't really need it while inside.

He looked around at me as he gathered his ninja gear. "That depends on the nature of the mission." He looked at the scroll, his onyx eyes zoomed across the paper. "It doesn't seem all that dangerous, though I'd have to talk to Kisame."

"Well don't do anything you're not comfortable with. I'll just annoy the fuck out of Hidan and Sasori if I stay here." I said with a shrug. He chuckled. I didn't want him to leave me, but I'd understand if he had to. I'd gone on a few missions with him and Kisame since Kathryn and I came here. Itachi never wanted to leave me, especially after the first mission he went on when we got here. Apparently he missed me just as much as I missed him.

"I'll talk to him once I finish preparing." Itachi told me. "It might be wise to let Konan and Pein-sama know as well."

"Just talk to the rain." I muttered. He smirked and picked me up again, now fully in his Akatsuki ninja attire. I have to admit, he was still damn sexy in that uniform; especially when he was carrying me and running.

Yummy.

Okay, that just makes me sound creepy.

I've been hanging out with Zetsu too much.

"Kisame." Itachi stated as he set me down on the ground beside him. "Would you be comfortable with taking Alice again?"

Kisame shrugged. "Sure. I don't mind. Though, she has to be very careful."

Itachi nodded. "She knows." He looked down at me. "You can come."

"Score! I get to have more alone time with my favorite people!" I said in approval. For some reason, I had a feeling this mission would be different than the others. "Let's roll."

Itachi looked over his shoulder. "Is that alright with you, Konan?"

Konan slipped from the shadows and smiled at us. "Sure it is. But she better not even get a scratch. I'll kill you both if she gets hurt."

I smiled. "I love you too, Konan. Usually I'm the over protective motherly one." She smiled at me sweetly. "It's nice to have someone do the same for me."

"Alright." Itachi stated, bidding farewell to Konan who disappeared shortly after in a flurry of paper. "Let's go."

Kisame gave me a piggy back as they sped away from the base, heading for fire country.

* * *

_Oh dern, what's going to happen?_

_Well that depends. Either intense shit, or nothing._

_Throw in some ideas. Or else you'll be stuck with whatever shit my lazy-ass procrastinating mind comes up with.  
_

_You know, I was going to put a chapter before this one, you know, give you guys more funny events and stuff, but I got REALLY lazy._

_So I decided not to._

_To make up for it, I'll try and update more._

_As always, suggestions are helpful and fun to read._

_Oh and I got another threat from my lovely reviewer _Kibathedemoness_. I thought it was hilarious so thank you._

_Back to the issue at hand..._

_Idr. So leave a review, enjoy the story and talk to me._

_I hit a writers block while writing one of the chapters I'm working on._

_But yeah, have a nice day._

_bye~  
_


	7. Chapter 7

_Here's the next chapters my lovelies. I had most of this done throughout the course of the day,_

_but I'm not posting it until now._

_I know, I'm evil.  
_

_I don't own Naruto._

_Enjoy  
_

* * *

"So, what are we in fire country for?" I asked, resting my chin on Kisame's shoulder.

Their running had stopped a while ago, and now we were just walking along a dirt road, taking our sweet ass time to complete this mission. I was still, however, riding Kisame.

It was fun.

What can I say, it made me feel tall.

That feeling is hard to come by when all of your friends are monsters.

"We're meeting with an informant about the tailed beasts." Itachi explained.

I raised my eyebrow. "You could just ask me you know." I stated. "I bet I know more about all of the tailed beasts than this guy knows about himself."

Itachi cocked his head to the side. "I never thought of that."

"So, do you still want to go talk to this guy or do you want to ask me." I wondered.

"I suppose there is no reason to talk to our informant since we've got you." Kisame mused. "We should probably let Pein know though."

Itachi glanced at Kisame. "I'll contact him now."

We stopped walking so Itachi could concentrate. He closed his eyes and made a hand sign of concentration as he attempted to contact Pein. We were no longer being pelted by constant rain. Thank Jashin.

"He said that was acceptable." Itachi muttered about ten minutes later, disrupting Kisame and me. We had been growling at each other for some unknown reason. It just kind of happened.

I had been playing with his incredibly awesome blue hair when he glanced at me over his shoulder and gave me his adorable/sexy/awesomely-awesome smirk. Some strange urge possessed me and caused me to growl at him. He responded with a growl without missing a beat and it kind of escalated from there.

We're so strange.

But Jashin do I love this freaking shark.

"However, he requested that we go on a bounty for Kakuzu." Itachi stated, raising his eyebrows at us. "Since we're already out here, he wants us to go ahead and get it done."

"Is it safe enough for Alice to come with us?" Kisame asked, chuckling at Itachi's questioning eyebrow. Kisame had been enjoying our growling episode.

I did too.

Itachi shrugged. "It should be. As long as she stays with us and does exactly as we say, no harm will befall her." He looked at me. "What were you two doing a few minutes ago?"

"Nothing…" I said with a smirk.

"I see." He stated, raising an eyebrow again.

I snickered. "You wouldn't understand."

"I'll take your word for it." Itachi deadpanned. "Shall we, Kisame?"

Kisame nodded and started walking again, adjusting me on his back. Samehada would wiggle every now and then beneath me. Though his sword was extremely awesome, it was kind of creepy that it moved on its own while I was basically straddling it.

That and it looked like a tampon-popsicle.

"Who are we going after?" Kisame asked.

"A man by the name of Sora." Itachi informed him. "He has white hair and a long scar that splits diagonally down his face." He looked at me. "Do you know him?"

"Not a clue." I stated. "How old is he?"

"About thirty." Itachi stated.

I nodded and covered Kisame's eyes. "Oh god! Can't see!"

Kisame chuckled. "You are aware that I don't need my eyes to know what's going around me right, Alice?"

"Of course!" I said with a smile. "You wouldn't be my badass shark if you were hindered by something like this."

Kisame chuckled and gave me a toothy grin.

That sweetness just required that I hug the shit out of his neck and kiss his cheek.

"Itachi when we have kids, we have to name at least one of them after Kisame." I said, smirking at Itachi. "I just love this giant shark-man so much!" Kisame rolled his eyes but smiled.

"As you wish, Alice." Itachi said with a small smile.

We walked another fifteen minutes in silence before Kisame broke the quiet.

"Alice, when we fight this guy, you have to do exactly as Itachi and I tell you." Kisame said seriously. "If we tell you to run, you have to run. If we tell you to hide you need to hide."

"If you tell me to kill the bastard, I kill the bastard." I continued. "I get it Kisame, I won't do anything stupid. I'm not exactly big on dying after I just got here."

"I'm serious, Alice." Kisame sighed.

"I know you are." I smiled. "Trust me Kisame. I'll do as you ask. I won't give you guys a reason to worry about me any more than you already do."

"Good." Itachi praised. "If you decided to make this difficult, you would be grounded to the base."

I gasped at him. "You wouldn't!"

"Oh I would." He assured me. "I'd also be sure to administer the appropriate punishment, especially if you decided to try and escape during your quarantine."

"He's so evil." I whispered into Kisame's ear, loud enough for Itachi to hear me. Kisame laughed and Itachi smirked.

We traveled for what seemed like forever until Itachi and Kisame both decided it was time to make camp. So, once we found a secluded little spot in the woods, we made camp. Itachi disappeared to go and get wood to make a fire while Kisame went to go kill something so they could eat. I just sat in my designated spot and waited for them to come back.

While I waited, I internally wondered where this Sora guy was. What if he was in Konoha? That would be fucking awesome. I wanted to see Kakashi because he was one of my favorite characters along with Itachi and Sasuke.

I think I have a Sharingan fetish…

Damn it. That would mean Kathryn was right…

But then when I think about it, seeing the Konoha ninja would mean I would have to leave Itachi to do so, or there would be a big ass fight. Honestly I wanted to avoid both. However, I believe it's going to be inevitable to avoid a fight.

That's how the ninja world is.

Great. Now I sound like one of the characters harping on about peace and the hatred in the world. Though, it truly is everywhere.

Even back in my own world…

I jumped when a big wave of fire ignited a pile of sticks in front of me.

"Ah!" I gasped. "What the hell?" I searched around for the source.

Itachi appeared at my side in an instant. "I'm sorry I scared you, Alice. I had assumed you knew I was back. I did walk right in your line of sight."

I sighed and ran a hand over my face. "Yeah, I was lost in thought. It's okay Itachi, I'm fine. You don't have to worry."

He smiled at me and kissed my forehead. "You're so inattentive sometimes." He sat beside me and pulled me closer so I was leaning up against him. "So what were you thinking about?" I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Just things. Basically I was reviewing my knowledge of this world." I stated. "Where's Kisame?"

"He's still hunting for food." Itachi told me, running his fingers through my hair.

I nodded. "How long do you think it'll take for us to find this guy and get the bounty?"

"It depends." Itachi shrugged. "Pein told me he lives in a village south-west of Konoha. We should reach it by noon tomorrow if we pick up the pace a little."

"So what am I supposed to do while you guys are killing people?" I asked.

Itachi looked at me from the corner of his eye. "Kisame will most likely being doing it. If he does not need my help, you may stay by my side. However, if he does, I will hide you somewhere safe and then come back for you."

"Sounds good." I sighed, kissing the part of his neck that I could reach.

"We wouldn't want anything bad to happen to little Alice." Kisame's voice added from the darkness of the trees. Seconds later his body followed his voice, carrying two deer carcasses over his shoulder as he joined us by the fire.

"I'm not little." I grumbled. Though, I really was in comparison to his giant ass.

Kisame snickered. "Sure you're not, squirt."

"Do you want to fight Bruce?" I growled, glaring at Kisame.

He grinned at me. "Bring it on munchkin."

I made to get up and attack him but was stopped by Itachi who constricted his arm that was around my waist, successfully holding me in place.

"Itachi, I have to go beat up Kisame." I said calmly.

Itachi shook his head. "I'm not done with you."

I stared at him for a second longer before shrugging and allowing myself to be cuddled. I looked back at Kisame. "You're lucky he's holding me back, punk."

"I'm so scared." Kisame teased.

"I'll get you while you're sleeping." I promised.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm scared to go to sleep now."

"You should be." I pouted, hugging Itachi. "He's picking on me, Itachi."

Itachi chuckled. "I'll make him regret it later."

I stuck my tongue out at Kisame. "Ha, take that Bruce." He chuckled good-naturedly at me. He's lucky I love him so freaking much. That and the fact that Itachi's holding me back.

The night went smoothly after Kisame and I finished our playful bickering. We ate some deer meat which I was a little apprehensive about. However, Itachi assured me it was completely fine for me to eat so I took his word for it.

It was pretty good.

When we finally decided to get some sleep, Kisame took first watch while Itachi and I went to sleep. I volunteered to stay up but I was reminded I was a chakra-less teenage girl who wasn't even close to being a ninja.

Damn their logic.

So in the end I ended up curled up in a ball on the forest floor, cuddling with a very sexy weasel. Kisame sat beside me, allowing me to latch onto his leg whenever I rolled over to face him in my sleep. Which was often seeing as my bad back was tearing in two because of the uncomfortable ground. This is one reason why I didn't like camping.

"Alice." Itachi said, rousing me calmly. I opened my eyes and glared at him.

"What?" I demanded.

He chuckled at my hostility. "It's time to get up. We need to start moving."

I sat up, grumbling about how he was lucky he was sexy. "You don't expect me to move quickly this early in the morning do you?"

"No." He said truthfully. "Kisame is carrying you again."

I looked towards the shark and eyed his back hungrily. "I accept."

Kisame snickered and picked me up before swinging me around to his back. I was basically sitting on Samehada as I wrapped my arms around Kisame's neck. He could use his hands now that Samehada was holding me up.

"Good night." I yawned, snuggling into Kisame's neck.

He patted the side of my face gently as he turned to Itachi. "Shall we?"

I opened my eye to look around the camp site and Itachi. If I hadn't known any better, I wouldn't have known we stayed here. There wasn't a trace of our stay anywhere other than the fact that we were still standing in the area.

Itachi nodded, his eyes lingering on me. "Yes, let's go."

"Ah! Fast movements!" I gasped, locking onto Kisame. He chuckled at me but didn't slow. Itachi watched me for a moment after my exclamation to make sure I wasn't going to fall.

He's so sweet and considerate.

We made it to the tiny little village by noon, just as Itachi had predicted. It was pretty small, around the size the village I saw when I first came here was. However, it was close to Konoha so we had to be careful.

"If you guys don't want to make a scene killing this guy in the middle of the village, I can lure him out here to you." I mused, giving Itachi raised eyebrows.

He shook his head as he concentrated on his crows which he had sent out to find Sora. "There will be no need. I can use my Sharingan to lure him away from the village if necessary."

"I think we should just hurry up and kill the guy so we can go home." Kisame stated. "I'm already bored of just standing here."

"Me too." I said with a smile. "I'm getting bored of Kisame standing here."

He shot me a look over his shoulder.

"I agree with you!" I said, holding my hands up in defense. "But I'm not standing; therefore I couldn't say the same thing."

He rolled his eyes. "Sure."

I hugged his neck and kissed his cheek. "You know me so well Kisame. However, I'm only a bitch to Sasori and Hidan. I'd never be one to you."

"Well thanks." He said with a smile.

"Kisame put Alice down. I've found him. You'll need to focus so we can finish this quickly. We need him recognizable though so we can collect the funds." Itachi stated, turning to look at us.

Kisame helped me off his back and pushed me towards Itachi who I latched onto happily. He gave me a small smile in recognition before looking at Kisame. "I'll lure him out here; you must be ready to kill him."

"Got it." Kisame nodded, grabbing the hilt of his sword with excitement in his eyes. I shivered in anticipation. I'd finally get to see Kisame in killing mode in person. I had to admit, I was both excited and slightly afraid. Kisame was just too badass.

"So…" I mused. "What now?"

"You and I will watch from a safe distance." Itachi explained, wrapping an arm around my waist without taking his eyes off the village. "Kisame will take him out."

I nodded. "Sounds like a plan." I looked at Kisame. "Kick his ass for me Kisame."

He grinned eagerly. "Will do."

I kissed Itachi's cheek. "I await your orders my love."

He tore his gaze from the village to give me a smirk and a raised eyebrow. "There he is, Kisame. Wait until he gets a safe distance from the village before you engage him in combat."

"Alright Itachi." Kisame stated, pulling Samehada off his back to rest it on his shoulder. Itachi dipped his head at him before testing his hold on my waist and jumping away with me to go and stand a safe distance away from Kisame.

I stared, extremely interested.

"You seem engrossed." Itachi stated, watching me.

I scoffed. "Of course I am. Kisame _is_ my second favorite character. I would only be more interested if you were the one fighting. I'm looking forwards to the badass-ness that is Kisame."

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. "I'm sure he would appreciate your enthusiasm and compliments." His eyes darted back to Kisame as something caught his attention.

Kisame had engaged the Sora guy. This guy had really spiky white hair and a giant ass scar slashing across his face. He had somewhat of a beard going on too. His clothes were rather dirty and he had a long sword attached to his hip.

"Oh a swordsman." I commented. "This ought to be intense."

Itachi just dipped his head, too interested in watching what was going on to really listen to me. I felt a slight change in his mannerisms when Kisame started fighting the guy.

He, by the way, looked confused as hell at being out there.

He did take to fighting Kisame with misplaced aggression. Maybe he was angry about being out there with no purpose coming to mind?

I don't know. I'm not a ninja.

Anyways, I was watching this fight exactly how I watch wrestling.

To be honest, I hate going to sporting events of any kind, but Kathryn's younger step-brother wrestles and I've gone to a few of his meets. Personally I think they're boring and I hate going, but I'm pretty much a member of the family so I was kind of required to go.

Now, while I'm watching the wrestlers, I have a very different method of dealing with everything going on. This exact method could be applied to how I was watching Kisame.

I was getting into it.

I wasn't like shouting "go for his leg!" at him or anything like that. And I certainly wasn't trying to do moves to the air or on Itachi while he fought.

I just stared at him, muttering under my breath about how I was afraid Kisame was going to get hurt. I have severe anxiety when it comes to stuff like this, which is another reason why I hate watching competitive sports or stuff like Kisame's fight.

I feared for his life and his wellbeing.

I'm pretty sure I was irritating Itachi, though he'd never admit it.

He was watching me with mild interest as I clung to him, staring at Kisame with fish eyes and an agape mouth, gasping ever so slightly when Sora got even an inch closer to him. I would shake him or break his arm in my death grip every time I thought Kisame's safety might be an issue. I wouldn't blame him if he knocked me out for his own sanity.

What can I say? I love my shark to the point where I act like an over protective mother watching over her children.

Kisame was my little…big… boy… shark… man… thing…

He was my Kisame and I loved him.

Though I was scared for Kisame, I couldn't help but be impressed by his skill. The way he moved with Samehada just seemed so… natural. I mean yeah, I've seen him spar with Itachi, but it wasn't the same. When he was with Itachi he usually didn't have Samehada and he wasn't in the mind to kill his partner.

But now that he was actually set on killing someone, it just seemed so Kisame. It flowed naturally for him, like he was breathing rather than trying to make ribbon curls out of the guy's flesh with his big ass sword.

It was extraordinary.

"Alice, you're breaking my arm." Itachi said calmly. "You need to relax. Nothing will hurt Kisame. He'll be fine." He soothed, stroking my hair with the still alive arm.

I broke my grip. "Oh, I'm sorry Itachi." I apologized repeatedly, tearing my eyes from the fight to look into his red orbs. Kisame had just landed a very powerful hit on Sora, probably breaking the guy's legs.

"It's alright Alice, you just need to calm down." He smiled.

I nodded. "You're right. I just get really worked up over intense stuff like this. I'm just twitchy with worry over Kisame." I hugged Itachi's waist.

"It will not last much longer." Itachi informed me as Kisame cracked Sora in the head with Samehada. "Our target is close to death."

"The sooner the better." I sighed. "I take back what I said before about being excited for this fight. I don't want you or Kisame to fight ever again. It's too nerve-racking to watch you guys putting yourselves in danger like that."

Itachi chuckled. "We're ninja, Alice. It's our way of life." He kissed the top of my head again. "There aren't many people out there that could kill us. We are S-class criminals."

"Yeah, but I still worry." I stated.

He smiled. "You of all people should know how powerful we are. I thought you knew everything about us."

"I do." I nodded. "But I've also seen both of your deaths. And let me tell you, both incidents were probably the saddest things I've ever seen. I'm not a crier, but your death and Kisame's death made me tear up." I scoffed. "Of course, that was before I found out you were real. Now if you two died, I'd destroy the world then myself."

Itachi's expression became slightly pained as he listened to me rant. "I'm sorry, Alice." He kissed my forehead and pulled me into a hug. "But I promise you: I'll never leave you."

I smiled into his embrace and rested my forehead on his chest. "Good."

"It's good to know that you two trust me enough to hug and stuff while I'm fighting." Kisame cut in. I looked around to see him holding Samehada on his shoulder with Sora, obviously dead, thrown lazily over the tip.

I detached myself from Itachi and glomped Kisame. He caught me with one arm and hugged me back as I clung to him.

"What brought this on?" He asked with a smirk, raising an eyebrow.

I shook my head. "I love you Kisame."

"I love you too, Alice." Kisame stated. He looked at Itachi over my shoulder in question to which Itachi just shook his head ever so slightly.

They thought I didn't notice. But I did. I just decided not to comment.

Instead, I hugged the soul out of Kisame.

Thinking of their deaths just made me sad and I wanted to give them as much of the love I could dish out. It wasn't a much as they deserved. It wasn't possible for me to give them that much love, but I was sure as hell going to try.

* * *

_So, I'm getting kind of bored with just blabbering on these notes,_

_so I'm gonna start asking you guys nifty questions,_

_and you can either answer them or tell me to shut up._

_I don't care either way._

_:)_

_I want you guys to know that "Kathryn" makes fun of me daily for writing these stories. _

_She's never read them, but I talk about it to her all the time and she just laughs at me and shakes her head._

_She totally loves me._

_And Sethy-Poo wants you all to know that he is "Awesome". I'm writing this at school and he's watching me do it.  
_

_Anywho_

_QotC(Question of the Chapter): What was your favorite "event" in either this story so far or _Consider Yourselves Kitties_?_

_Let me know in a review or message:D_

_Good day lovelies.  
_


	8. Chapter 8

_Thank you my dears for reviewing. :)_

_Here's the next chapter:P_

_I do not own Naruto_

_so enjoy.  
_

* * *

It's times like these that make me thankful that Kisame and Itachi aren't like Kakuzu.

If they were, we'd be stuck inside that creepy room full of dead bodies while they counted the money that the bounty guy gave them. And I would have thrown a temper tantrum. Especially because the guy running the place kept giving me creeper looks.

It was extremely disturbing.

"I'm so glad we didn't stay in that place for a long time." I sighed, hugging Kisame's neck. "He creeped me the fuck out. Like, more than Orochimaru does."

Kisame snickered as he leapt from tree to tree. "He must have been quite creepy then."

I laughed. "Extremely."

Itachi glanced back over his shoulder at us, seeing as he was leading the way through the trees. "You know Orochimaru, Alice?"

"Unfortunately." I nodded. "The creepy pedophile snake rapist…"

"Are you aware of his bases?" He questioned.

I shrugged. "I guess I could find a few if I needed to, but not off the top of my head. I don't know the landscape of your world that well, just the general position of things."

He nodded. "I see."

I smiled at the back of his head. "So, how long do you think it'll take us to get back?"

"We should reach the base sometime tomorrow." Kisame informed me. He glanced over his shoulder to look at me from the corner of his eye. "Tell us about the tailed beasts, Alice."

"Which ones have you guys already caught?" I wondered.

"We've captured and sealed the seven-tails and the five-tails." Kisame stated.

I nodded. "So you guy's will be after Gaara next. The one-tail is your next target, right?"

"Correct." Itachi confirmed.

I crossed my arms. "In the show, Deidara and Sasori are sent to capture him. Deidara loses one of his arms to Gaara before he incapacitates him for you guys to seal. However, Konoha Shinobi and an elder from Suna track you guys down. You guys do end up sealing the beast, but in order to try and capture Naruto who comes to try and save Gaara, Deidara loses his other arm and Sasori dies."

"How do we prevent this?" Kisame wondered.

I smirked. "Leave that to me. Ever since you guys became humans back in my world and I knew you weren't going to kill me, I've been thinking up plans to prevent each of your deaths."

"Impressive." Itachi commented.

"Of course I'm not as smart as you guys and I'm not a ninja, so you guys will have to edit my plans to fit your particular talents. Not to mention the situations that may occur." I told them.

I had some plans thought out, but I wanted to have the input of smarter, more experienced people. I was certain that Pein, Konan, Deidara, Sasori, Kakuzu, Hidan, Itachi, Zetsu, and Madara could think of better ways to keep themselves and each other alive than I could.

They are ninjas after all. I was just a teenage girl with too much free time.

* * *

"I spy with my little eye, something black." I stated.

Kisame rubbed his chin in thought as trees zoom past us in a blur. They run so freaking fast its mindboggling. "Is it one of our cloaks?"

I shook my head. "Nope. Try again."

"Is it my hair?" Itachi guessed.

I grinned. "You're getting closer."

"It's my headband." Itachi stated.

"Correct!" I confirmed. "Now what?"

"I don't know. I think we've run out of things to use in this game." Kisame sighed. "Got any other games in mind, Alice?"

I frowned, resting my chin on his shoulder. "I got nothing."

"Think." Kisame urged.

"Well, we could play 20 questions or Geography…" I mused. "We could play 'never have I ever' but we don't have any alcohol present."

Itachi glanced over his shoulder at me. "Aren't you a bit young to be drinking, Alice?"

I smirked. "You're right. That's why I usually don't except for on occasions or when Louis used to practically force me to. I don't really like alcohol."

Kisame chuckled. "Well, since you're underage, let's play one of the other two games."

"Yes sir." I nodded. "You guys pick either 20 questions or Geography."

"What is the Geography game?" Itachi questioned.

"Well, the youngest, that's me, picks a category and says something that is in said category. Whatever word I say, the next youngest, Itachi, says another word inside the same category that starts with the last letter of the word I said." I explained.

Kisame frowned in thought. "Alright, let's play it. You go first Alice."

"Okay, the category is the Naruto Universe." I smirked. "Ninja."

"So that means my word begins with A, correct?" Itachi wondered.

I nodded. "Yep, pick a word Itachi."

"Akatsuki." He said calmly.

Kisame frowned in thought for a second before smirking. "Itachi."

"Inuzuka." I said without missing a beat.

"Akasuna." Itachi continued.

Kisame raised his eyebrows. "ANBU."

"Uchiha!" I cheered.

"What is with you and A words, Alice?" Itachi wondered.

"Damn… E is a hard one." Kisame swore.

I laughed when Itachi raised his eyebrows. "I don't think he meant for my name to be his word, Kisame."

Kisame raised his eyebrows in response. "Why wouldn't he? You are a part of our world now. Ain't no going back."

"Fair enough." I laughed. "Go Kisame."

"Earth?" Kisame asked.

I nodded. "That counts. You could mean a lot of things with that." I scratched my chin in thought. "Hidan!"

"Naruto." Itachi stated boredly.

"Orochimaru." Kisame chuckled.

"Damn, more U's." I sighed. "Ukon?"

"Who the hell is Ukon?" Kisame asked.

I laughed. "Oh yeah, you guys don't know everyone like I do. Ukon is a deceased henchman of Orochimaru."

"Nara." Itachi continued. "How do you know all of these people, Alice?"

"I stalk the shit out of your universe." I stated. "You should see my knowledge of Bleach. I could have written the damn story."

"Ame." Kisame stated. "I know you know a lot about our world, but I didn't expect you to know just about everyone."

"Damn, more E's." I sighed. "Eight tails. I didn't know Sora."

"Sasori." Itachi continued. "That's rather impressive though, Alice. Your knowledge will be very useful to the organization."

I smiled. "That's why I'm here sweetie."

"Ino?" Kisame guessed.

I raised an eyebrow. "How do you know Ino?"

"I watched the first season with you and Kathryn back in your world, remember?" Kisame reminded me. I dipped my head, remembering.

Those were fun times.

"Obito." I stated.

Itachi glanced at me over his shoulder and I shrugged.

"Oto." He said, returning his attention to the landscape ahead of him.

"One-tails." Kisame said.

"Sasuke!" I said cheerfully. "You gotta love Sasuke when he doesn't pull dick moves."

Kisame raised his eyebrow at me while Itachi seemingly ignored my outburst. Instead his eyes darted around cautiously before he glanced at Kisame. "Kisame."

"Kisame doesn't start with 'E' Itachi." I said in a mock tone of disapproval. He rolled his eyes at me but glanced back at Kisame all the same.

"I know." Kisame nodded. "What do you want to do?"

Itachi stopped on a dime and Kisame copied him an instant later, landing on the same branch as his partner. Itachi glanced at me before looking at Kisame. "I sense quite a few Shinobi pursuing us. I won't be able to sit out this time. We need to get Alice somewhere safe."

"So what's the plan?" I asked.

Itachi looked at Kisame before making a… crow clone? "Give Alice to me, Kisame. I'll take her somewhere safe." Itachi number two said.

Kisame removed me from his back and offered me to the Itachi-clone. He held me bridal style before shooting off in a different direction. Itachi and Kisame watched me go for a minute before turning about to face our quickly approaching enemies.

I was silent as Itachi's clone carried me away. He stopped when he reached a tree that had a large, cave like thing in the trunk. Since we were a safe distance, he gently set me inside, watching me for a minute.

"Make sure you stay here, Alice. Keep yourself safe. I seriously doubt anyone will find you here." Itachi stated.

I raised my eyebrow. "And in the event that they do? What do you want me to do?"

He sighed. "I'm going to leave that decision to you. I trust you. Just make sure to keep yourself alive and safe." He stroked my cheek gently. "Make sure they do not realize you're in a league with us, nor how much you know about our world."

"I promise." I told him. He smiled at me and made to leave. "Itachi." He paused to look back at me. I took advantage of his pause to grab the collar of his cloak and pull him closer to kiss him. "You and Kisame be careful okay?" I said when I released him. "I love you."

He smiled at me gently. "I love you as well, Alice." He kissed my forehead once more. "Stay safe." And with that he disappeared in a flock of crows.

I sighed and adjusted my position, trying to get comfortable.

That comfort was short lived.

Damn those ninjas.

Apparently sitting in the hole in a tree isn't normal around here? I don't know about where you live, but in my world, finding a tree as awesome as this one with a cave like thing was like winning the lottery. It basically required that you crawl in and hangout inside it.

Not here though.

I was just sitting there, minding my own business and waiting for my shark and weasel to come back to me when three Konoha ninja zoom by the tree. At first I was relieved because I assumed they had missed me but no. One of them just had to super observant and notice me.

Suddenly I was looking out of my cave to see three ninja standing there watching me. I mentally slapped my forehead, cursing the irony of them finding me. Itachi totally jinxed me.

The irony of this situation was blowing my mind.

And honestly, I wanted to punch fate in the face with brass knuckles.

I did recognize the ironically present ninja though.

It was Asuma, Kakashi, and Gai.

Strange team. I know it startled me too. They must have meant serious business.

I swallowed my fangirl nature at seeing Kakashi. He was just so awesome. Asuma looked pretty badass in person too. And Gai…

Well he looked creepy and goofy as always. But he did rock the bowl cut pretty well.

"What are you doing inside the tree?" Kakashi asked. Ah! The voice of excellence! It wasn't as good as my murderers' but it was pretty nice.

"I'm sitting." I said, cocking my head at him as if it was obvious. Damn, my attitude that I used with Sasori was coming out.

He raised his visible eyebrow at me. "Why are you sitting in the tree?"

I shrugged. "It just seemed like a nice shady place to sit." I smiled at him. "What are _you _doing?" _Stop it Alice, you're digging your own hole._

"Ah! I can just sense her youth!" Gai said cheerfully. I resisted the urge to drop my jaw. He really does freaking relate everything to youth. I was slightly appalled.

And yet it was so strangely satisfying.

Like the fact that he was exactly how his character is portrayed was a relief.

I guess it kind of was…

Nobody likes OOCness.

"It's kind of dangerous to be out here all alone, kid." Asuma told me. "There are bad ninja roaming around."

"Really?" I asked convincingly. I shoved my sarcasm away. "I never even gave it a thought. I've been out here for a while. I essentially live out here and I've never had a problem with ninja." _Yes lie me! Use your convincing lies!_

"How old are you, kid?" Kakashi asked, looking curious.

"Seventeen." I informed him. "I just turned seventeen about a month ago."

Asuma lit a cigarette. "What village are you from?"

"Ohio." I said, resisting a smirk.

Gai raised his giant eyebrows. "Ohio? Where is that?"

"It's really far away from here." I admitted. "I came here with my family, but they were killed long ago. I've been on my own since." Ah! More lies!

Kakashi exchanged a look with Asuma and Gai. "Are you a ninja, kid?"

I shook my head. "Nope. I never bothered to become one." Bitch please, I'm about as ninja as they get.

"Kakashi, maybe we should take her back to the village. There are Akatsuki out here." Asuma suggested. "It's not safe for a kid who isn't a ninja to be living alone out here."

I sat there, hoping to god they didn't take me. Itachi and Kisame would flip shits and I'm pretty sure all of the Akatsuki would attack to get me back. Well… no they wouldn't. Pein has a brain and he would use it to devise some sort of plan to get me back and benefit the organization in the process.

"Is there a problem gentlemen?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

Inspiration struck.

I had a fucking plan.

Win for me if I actually executed this correctly!

Hopefully the opportunity to execute this plan actually came though.

Kakashi looked down at me. "It's an organization of bad Shinobi. They're very dangerous."

I raised my eyebrows. "That sounds like a problem."

He smiled beneath his mask. "Yeah."

"What are we going to do, Kakashi?" Gai wondered.

Kakashi sighed and scratched the back of his head. "I guess we'll take her back to the village with us." He looked at me seriously. "Will you come with us? It's for your own safety."

Shit.

I didn't think about this…

He got me.

My brain was working a mile a minute trying to think up a good excuse to tell them I didn't want to go. I couldn't think of any. If I just blatantly denied without an excuse, they'd become suspicious of me.

I had no choice.

I mentally begged for forgiveness from Itachi. I ripped off one of my wristbands and dropped it on the ground behind me without them noticing before I stood. "If you insist." I shrugged. "I'm not really worried about it either way, but I will if you think it's for the best."

"You're not scared of ninja who would kill you without giving it a second thought?" Asuma wondered, raising his eyebrows.

I shrugged again. "They would gain nothing from killing me. Not to mention, I'm not a threat. Besides, I'm not afraid to die." I smiled. "So, we're going to Konoha?"

"We're going to Konoha." Kakashi confirmed. "Since you're not a ninja and you probably don't know how to mold chakra, I'll have to carry you. Will that be okay?"

"Uh, sure…" I said awkwardly. I didn't like being carried. The Akatsuki were an exception though. They were my family. Kakashi was just some awesomely awesome guy who didn't know me. I knew him though.

"Alright." Kakashi stated. He pressed his hand to his ear. It was then that I noticed a radio was attached to him. "We're returning to the village. How are things on your end?"

I heard a response but I couldn't make out what it said.

Kakashi nodded before he realized they couldn't see him. "We'll see you at the village then."

"What's going on Kakashi?" Gai asked.

"The Akatsuki retreated. It was Itachi Uchiha and Kisame Hoshigaki." Kakashi told him. He looked at me before picking me up bridal style. I didn't even respond. I was having a mental flip out. Nothing about this situation was good.

_Damn! Damn! Damn! They're probably on their way here!_

I didn't want there to be a fight. That would _not_ be good.

"Let's go." Asuma said, breaking me out of my panic attack.

Kakashi and Gai voiced their agreement before shooting off towards Konoha. I yelped quietly and clutched onto Kakashi, not expecting them to be moving so fast so suddenly.

"It's alright. I won't drop you or anything." Kakashi assured me.

I nodded. "I just wasn't expecting that."

He chuckled. "What's your name, kid?"

"Alice." I said without thinking. I didn't really care if it sounded like a strange name. At this point I was just hoping that I didn't just dig my own grave.

Kakashi looked at me as he carried me. "So how did you know we were going to Konoha?"

"Secret." I said, giving him a smirk. I laughed when he raised an eyebrow at me. "Your headband was kind of a giveaway sweetie. Not to mention, Konoha is the only village I know of around here that has ninja."

He nodded and focused his attention on the landscape before us.

He totally knew something about me was different.

I am really starting to hate perceptive people…

* * *

_Chyeah, yesterday Sethy-Poo sang Wannabe by the Spice Girls with me._

_Just for funzies._

_He's so manly._

_My favorite event is probably Alice and Sasori sarcasm battles, their little escapade in the park in CYK, or Alice and Pein being all secretive with their code.  
_

_QotC: Who do you guys think my favorite character to write is? It could be any character. Tell me who you guys think and I'll let you know next chapter. :D_

_Toodle-oo dears~  
_


	9. Chapter 9

_So my teacher totally made fun of me for being colorblind in class today._

_So I made her look like an idiot with extreme sarcasm._

_I'll be surprised if she doesn't find a way to fail me._

_**Please excuse any typos and grammatical errors. I will fix them, but I'm kinda busy at the moment.**  
_

_:) Anyways, here's the next chapter._

_I don't own any of these peeps except Alice and Kathryn. I also do not own the setting._

_Enjoy_

**

* * *

Third Person!**

Itachi frowned as he looked at the empty tree cave that he left Alice in. He had felt familiar chakras heading in Alice's direction which is why he and Kisame retreated, but he never expected anyone to find her.

"They must have taken her." Kisame stated as he knelt beside the tree. "She left one of her wristbands." Kisame stood and offered the black band with red clouds out to him. It was Alice's Akatsuki wristband. She never took it off. It was one of the three she always wore.

"It was wise of her to remove it if she was taken." Itachi said calmly. "This would have been a dead giveaway to the Konoha Shinobi that her allegiance is with us."

Kisame nodded and watched Itachi slip the wristband inside his cloak. "What are we going to do?"

"We need to report to Pein. We should hurry. I don't want to stop until we get back to the base." Itachi stated firmly. "Let's go Kisame."

Kisame dipped his head and shot after Itachi who made a beeline for the base. "What about Alice?"

"She'll be alright for now. She's a smart girl; she can take care of herself." Itachi told him. "When we get back to the base, we'll devise a plan to get her back."

"Let's just hope she doesn't act like she does with Hidan and Sasori." Kisame sighed. He chuckled. "She'd end up pissing someone off."

Itachi smiled slightly. "She'll be fine."

The duo made it to the base by dawn the next day. Without having to slow down to try and make it more comfortable for Alice, they were able to quicken their pace and go through the night. They made it back to the base in good time.

Itachi and Kisame immediately went to Pein's office.

Pein ordered them to enter when they knocked. He turned around from looking out the window to give his attention to them.

"Where is Alice? I did not sense her with my rain." Pein stated, his eyes narrowing.

Itachi stepped forward. "We ran into some trouble after getting the bounty. Konoha Shinobi caught up to us. I hid Alice somewhere so she wouldn't be hurt in the fight, but Kakashi Hatake and a few others found her."

Pein raised his eyebrow. "You know she was taken?"

Itachi showed him Alice's wristband. "She took this off and left it in the spot I hid her in. She went with them to avoid suspicion about being with us. I'm sure she has a plan. She does know a lot about our world."

Underneath the mask of calm Itachi always wore, he was quite worried. He knew Alice could take care of herself, but he didn't want to risk her wellbeing. Not to mention, he hated being away from Alice. After growing so close to her, he felt empty without her at his side.

Pein nodded. "I agree. She'll be fine. Alice is smart. She can handle herself." He walked to his desk and sat behind it. "I shall devise a plan to retrieve her. For now, you two go and rest. Be sure to give Kakuzu the bounty."

"Sir." Kisame and Itachi said together. They both bowed to their leader before leaving the office. Kisame looked at Itachi when they were almost to the living room.

"I'll give the money to Kakuzu if you tell Kathryn." Kisame said.

Itachi sighed. "Very well."

Kisame nodded and patted Itachi's shoulder before turning down a separate hallway to go and find Kakuzu. Itachi continued down the one they were on, heading straight to the living room where he could sense Deidara and Sasori.

As he expected, Kathryn was with the artists. She was sitting in between both of them, leaning her head on Deidara's shoulder and holding Sasori's hand. Sasori was busy reading and Deidara was playing with his clay.

Sasori looked up as Itachi entered the room. "Welcome back Itachi."

"Sasori." Itachi said in greeting. "Deidara. Hello Kathryn." Deidara dipped his head.

Kathryn beamed at him. "Hi Itachi." She cocked her head to the side. "Where is Alice?"

Itachi sighed. "Alice was taken by Konoha Shinobi. We were being followed so I hid her in a safe place so she didn't get hurt in the fight, but Kakashi Hatake found her."

Kathryn's eyes went wide. "They didn't hurt her right? She's gonna be okay isn't she?"

Itachi nodded. "Alice will be fine. There was no sign of a struggle. She left her wristband behind to let me know she had gone with them willingly and they didn't force her." He showed it to Kathryn, Deidara, and Sasori. "Pein is thinking up a plan to retrieve her now."

Kathryn's lip stuck out in a pout. "If it was anyone other than Konoha, I'd probably flip out. But Alice knows them just as well as she knows you guys. She'll be okay."

Sasori stared at Itachi. "How come you let them take her? You could have set up defenses around her. What if they find out she's with us?"

"They won't. Alice would never be stupid enough to let something like that slip, un." Deidara intervened. "Don't worry Danna. If Itachi and Kathryn aren't worried, then we shouldn't either. Alice will be fine, yeah."

"Deidara is right." Itachi agreed. "I regret not putting defenses around Alice, but I was almost certain she wouldn't be found. However, I didn't take Kakashi into account."

"Alice must be pleased. Kakashi is one of her favorite characters." Kathryn giggled.

"That girl loves people with the Sharingan doesn't she?" Kisame snickered as he entered the room with Kakuzu and Hidan.

Kathryn nodded and nuzzled Deidara. "She does. I always tease her about having a fetish for the Sharingan. She loves Sasuke when he isn't being an emo little asshole and hurting our favorite people in the world." She hugged Deidara.

"Emo?" Itachi said, raising his eyebrows.

"He thinks the world is against him and that he's on his own. You really fucked him up, Itachi." Kathryn stated. "Though, he's still pretty badass. His hair looks like a duck's ass though."

Kisame laughed and Itachi just rolled his eyes. Deidara chuckled too.

"I'm going to change." Itachi said after Kisame stopped laughing. "I'll see you all at dinner." And with that he left the room.

Kisame left a few minutes later to do the same. Hidan mumbled something about Jashin and he too left the room a few minutes after Kisame.

Kakuzu watched his partner leave before he looked at Kathryn. "You know, I'm surprised you aren't having a panic attack about Alice being taken."

Kathryn smiled at him. "Alice can take care of herself. She might not be up to ninja standards, but she's really smart so she can talk her way out of bad situations."

Sasori scoffed. "She can talk her way into them too."

Deidara snickered. "You love it, Danna, un."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes before patting Kathryn's head. "She'll be fine kid. We'll get her back in no time."

"I know we will." Kathryn smiled. "Thanks Kuzu."

He glared at her. "It's Kakuzu."

"I know." Kathryn grinned.

"I'm going to count the bounty money." He grumbled, rolling his eyes at Kathryn.

Kathryn shrugged and latched onto Deidara. "He's so serious sometimes."

"That's Kakuzu for you, un." Deidara chuckled. He kissed the top of her head and curled an arm around her. She leaned into him before grabbing Sasori's hand.

Sasori shot her a glance but didn't comment and instead kept reading.

"I love you Dei." Kathryn said nuzzling his chest.

Deidara smiled down at her. "I love you too, Kathryn, un." He tilted her chin up so he could kiss her. She giggled when the tongue from his hand licked her chin.

She squeezed Sasori's hand. "I love you Danna."

"I know." Sasori stated, squeezing her hand back.

She smiled. "Danna, are you worried about Alice?"

"No." Sasori deadpanned. "I just don't want her blabbing our secrets."

"Don't lie Danna, un." Deidara frowned. "You're worried."

"I am not." Sasori repeated.

Kathryn poked Sasori's head. "Danna, we won't tell. I'm worried about Alice too, but I know she'll be okay."

Sasori set his book down and looked at Kathryn. "I am not worried about Alice."

"Liar, un." Deidara muttered. "I can totally tell you are, yeah."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Whatever Brat."

**First Person Alice!**

Konoha could be summed up in two words:

Fucking. Awesome.

It was just like the manga and anime showed. The Hokage faces were awesome. Everything was exactly identical to how it should have been. I was having a fangirl moment on the inside.

Kakashi set me down just before we reached the big ass gate. I walked between him and Asuma into the village. I saw Kotetsu and Izumo sitting in that stall thing beside the gates. They waved at Kakashi, Asuma, and Gai when they entered.

Ah! This is so kickass!

"We need to report to the Hokage." Kakashi stated to Gai and Asuma.

Gai said something about how Kakashi was his enemy and his youthfulness would prevail over Kakashi's coolness. I'm not entirely sure what he said because my attention was locked on a dog.

Did you guys know I have an _extremely_ deep love for dogs?

Well I do. And it was taking everything I had not to attack said dog with the love and affection every dog deserves.

Kiba, Akamaru, and Shikamaru were walking over to us.

Cue fangasm!

Asuma stopped when Shikamaru called his name. Kakashi and Gai stopped as well, waiting to greet the boys.

"Hey Shikamaru, hey Kiba." Asuma stated.

"Asuma. Kakashi-sensei. Gai-sensei." Shikamaru said dully. Oh god he's so awesome! Kiba greeted the Jōnin while Akamaru barked.

"Yo." Kakashi said, waving his hand. Gai greeted them enthusiastically.

I watched Akamaru with a smile. I loved dogs. They were a branch of my passion. Wolves were my favorite thing in the world, and dogs were right below them. Hence the deep seated love for them and the hard pressed resistance not to smother the canine with love.

The beautiful animal cocked his head at me and sniffed me curiously. I grinned in victory when he nudged my hand with his nose. Taking the hint, I immediately started petting him.

"Such a cute dog." I cooed as I knelt down to get closer to him. "I would keep you if I could." It was around that time that I noticed the ninjas were watching me.

I looked up at them. "What? You've never seen a teenage girl petting a dog?"

"I've never seen Akamaru warm up to strangers that fast before." Kiba stated, watching me with what could be classified as cockiness, slight shock, and interest.

"He knows a good person when he sees one." I teased before I raised my eyebrow. "He's a beautiful animal."

"He likes you." Kiba commented with a grin when Akamaru licked my face.

I smiled as I pet Akamaru. "I have a deep seated love for dogs. They usually like me."

"Who is she, Asuma?" Shikamaru asked, looking at me with his hands in his pockets.

I looked at him. "Hello Shikamaru." Kakashi looked rather interested in how I knew so much about Shikamaru if I didn't know him.

It was only his name. And Asuma had mentioned it before.

"Her name is Alice." Asuma informed him. "She's new to the village. We found her alone in the forest with Akatsuki running around. It was too dangerous to leave her there."

That was true in a sense.

"She isn't a ninja." Kiba stated. "I don't smell any chakra around her. It's like she doesn't have any."

That was also true.

"I don't." I said calmly. "That's a reason why I never bothered to be a ninja." I stood, but still kept petting Akamaru. "I take it that not having chakra is strange. Otherwise you all wouldn't be looking at me as if I was a monster."

"Very strange." Kakashi commented. "Everything has chakra. But you don't have any."

I shrugged. "I can't do anything about that."

"What are you going to do with her?" Shikamaru wondered.

That sounds slightly creepy and dangerous.

Like they intend to torture me or rape me or something.

But hey, if it's Kakashi, it may or may not be rape…

…

Just kidding. Itachi's the only sexy Sharingan user for me.

"We're going to take her to the Hokage." Kakashi stated. "Asuma, Gai, I can handle it if you have other things to do."

Asuma nodded. "Shikamaru and I have things to discuss."

What things? The "King"? Let me witness the flashback in real time!

"I have to go train with Lee! His youthfulness gives me the drive to train harder!" Gai said loudly before bounding off.

I stared after him. "Is it bad that I find him slightly disturbing and creepy?"

Asuma and Kiba laughed. Kakashi chuckled and Shikamaru smirked.

"You're not the only one." Kiba assured me. He looked at the other ninja. "Well Akamaru and I gotta go find Hinata and Shino so we can train. We'll see you guys later." He said. "Come on Akamaru."

Akamaru barked and licked my hand before running after Kiba. I watched them go, missing the puppy. My attention however snapped to Shikamaru and Asuma who bade Kakashi and I farewell before going off in some random direction.

Kakashi looked at me. "You ready to go and meet the Hokage?"

"I was born ready." I said with a smirk. He chuckled and beckoned me to follow him. I obeyed and we traveled through the village, to the Hokage tower.

It took us like five minutes from the time we entered the Hokage tower to get to Tsunade's room. When we finally reached it, Shizune and Pinky were already in there with her.

Bitch killed Sasori.

"Ah, Kakashi, how did it go?" Tsunade questioned. Then her eyes fell on me. "Who is that?" _Well someone is rude._

Okay, I'm going on an Alice rant here.

If she would have said "who is this?" I wouldn't have considered it rude. But she referred to me as "that" which kind of implies that I'm nothing more than a thing. And the tone she used was totally uncalled for.

Alice is _not_ okay with rude.

In fact, it's one of the things I hate most in this world.

Rant OVER!

Kakashi bowed slightly. "It went well. The Akatsuki retreated. From what we gathered, the Akatsuki were just collecting a bounty. It doesn't look like they were looking for Naruto." He glanced at me. "This is Alice. She was alone in the forest with the Akatsuki swarming around. It was too dangerous to leave her there so we brought her back here with us."

See? Kakashi used "this" which is a lot kinder in my opinion than "that".

"Hello Tsunade." I said kindly, waving my hand with a friendly smile. Hey man, I might dislike some of these girls and their rudeness, but I sure as hell wasn't going to take Tsunade on. I had enough self-preservation to not be rude to her despite her rudeness to me. Besides, I had nothing against her. Just Pinky…

Bitch killed my sarcasm buddy.

Tsunade returned my smile. Adults like me. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm really respectful. I don't know. "Welcome to Konoha, Alice. I'm the Hokage, Tsunade."

"It's an honor to meet you." I told her. Oh I was laying it on thick. It was pretty cool to meet Tsunade though. I've been told I resemble her in both personality and bodily frame.

Meaning I have similar, womanly proportions in my chest. And I have a short temper.

Either way, she's pretty badass in my opinion. Unlike Pinky…

"Where did you come from, Alice?" Tsunade questioned.

"I came from Ohio." I told her.

She looked confused. "Ohio? Where is that? I'm not familiar with that village."

"It's in a land far, far away." I said. _Don't you dare start quoting Star Wars, me._

"So what brings you to the fire country?" She asked.

I rubbed the back of my head. "Well, I came here with my family a long time ago when things in my homeland got too harsh, but they were all killed shortly after our arrival. I've been living on my own in the forest since." I sighed. "I was the only survivor."

"That's awful." Sakura gasped.

I shrugged. "It's in the past. You can't change what has already occurred."

Kakashi looked back at me. "Do you know who did it?"

"They wore headbands similar to yours." I stated. I had to lie, that way they couldn't try and blame it on the Akatsuki. I know it was rather strange for me to say something like that, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

I guess I could blame it on Orochimaru…

No, I won't do that.

"Their headbands had the leaf symbol?" Kakashi wondered, looking shocked.

_If you can call that a leaf…_ "Yes. I remember them clearly." I nodded.

"I apologize profusely." Tsunade stated. "I don't know why anyone from our village would kill innocents, but I do apologize."

I shrugged. "Don't worry about it. It's not like you were the one who did it." I smiled at her. "Shit happens."

She smiled back. "You seem to be very wise for your age."

"I try." I said with a smirk. She seemed to appreciate my sarcasm.

"How old are you exactly?" Sakura asked.

I looked towards her. "Seventeen." I was not happy with her for killing Sasori. That and she's pretty much worthless. However, I was a civilized human being so I wasn't going to act coldly towards her or anything. Besides, she never did anything bad to _me_.

Other than killing my puppet…

"Sakura, perhaps you could show Alice around the village." Tsunade purposed. "She's a new member of our village now."

I could tell that she and Kakashi wished to discuss me.

I hope they know it's not nice to talk about others when they're not there.

That is also rude.

Sakura looked at me as if asking if it was okay. "Would you like me to?"

I shrugged and smiled. "Sounds like fun."

She smiled at me. "Good. Let's go!" She kind of… skipped… towards me and grabbed my hand before leading me from the room.

"Check ya later Kakashi." I said, waving a hand in farewell. "It was nice meeting you Tsunade." I wasn't into using the honorifics, so I wasn't going to unless they asked.

Sakura grinned at me once we left the Hokage tower. "Where to first?"

I looked at her. "I don't know. You're the tour guide, you tell me."

"Come on, I'll introduce you to some of my friends." She said with a laugh. She grabbed my hand and pulled me again. I was getting a little annoyed with her tugging, but she kind of reminded me of Kathryn when she acted like this so I dealt with it.

"Sure." I agreed. I allowed her to lead me through the village to go and meet people I already knew.

* * *

_Yeah, Alice is starting to have rants now. It's all that pent up frustration because she can't openly injure Hidan without Kakuzu attacking because of his floors._

_Eyes Wide In The Dark__ and Kiba win because they guessed my favorite character to write._

_Sasori is my favorite character to write. I've made his character extremely sarcastic because I believe he probably was._

_And sarcasm is like the best thing in the world._

_My second favorite would have to be Alice though. Her sarcasm makes me happy too. _

_Zetsu is probably the most difficult because of his two different personalities and most of the time I'm too lazy to bold his darkside._

_**QotC:** Who are your top three Akatsuki characters and why?_

_I love your reviews guys and I appreciate that you take the time to read this poor excuse for literature._

_So thank you, and you have my platonic love._

_:3_

_Hasta luego mis amigos:D Ten un buen dia!  
_


	10. Chapter 10

_Yeah, I'm updating a day earlier than I have been._

_Why? Because today is a day for celebration._

_I got a job._

_However, that means that I won't be able to update as much as I should. At least during the summer._

_I work at Kings Island now. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's an amusement park._

_Anyways, enjoy the story. Just remember that I do not own Naruto.  
_

**

* * *

Third Person!**

"So that's the plan?" Kathryn wondered, sitting at the long table in the meeting room. Pein had just explained his plan to get Alice back to them.

Pein nodded. "Indeed. I would send you inside to retrieve her alone, without supervision, but since you're not a trained Shinobi, it's too risky. You will however play a major role in this plan, so make sure you do as I explained, Kathryn."

"Yes Pein." Kathryn said with a smile.

"We will go for her when it comes time for the rest of you to switch bases. I will accompany you to Konoha in order to play my role of the plan, but you all will move onto the next base without me." Pein continued. "It's a temporary move until the threat of the suspicious ninja is gone. So don't get _too_ comfortable there."

"Sir." They all said in unison. Kathryn and Konan remained silent.

Deidara kissed Kathryn's head. "It'll only be a few days before we get Alice back, Kathryn, un."

She smiled and hugged him from her seat. "Yeah."

**First Person Alice!**

"Oh! Hey Alice!" Kiba said excitedly as Sakura and I approached. Akamaru had barked and bounded over to me to greet me. I'm such a dog person.

"Hey." I said with a smile, petting Akamaru. "Hello Akamaru." He barked.

Sakura raised an eyebrow at me. "You know Kiba and Akamaru?"

"We met when I first came into the village. It was a chance meeting." I said shrugging. "I met Shikamaru too."

Kiba walked over with Shino and Hinata. I preferred Shino's appearance now over his original outfit in the original Naruto. Especially when he was laughing uncontrollably…

*Shudders*

"Hi Sakura." Hinata said quietly. She smiled at me. "Kiba was telling us about you. You must be Alice."

"That's me." I nodded, straightening up from petting Akamaru.

"I'm Hinata." Hinata said kindly.

Shino stood creepily behind her. "I'm Shino."

"It's nice to meet you guys." I said with a smile. I looked over at Sakura. "You guys went to the academy together."

"We grew up together. But yeah, we went to the ninja academy together too." Sakura explained. "How did you know that?"

I shrugged. "It's a gift."

Shino cocked his head at me beneath his hood. "My beetles cannot sense any chakra coming from you." He looked at Kiba. "I guess you were right."

Kiba nodded proudly. "I told you Shino. She doesn't have any chakra."

Sakura looked confused. "You don't have chakra?"

I shook my head. "Nope. I'm chakra-less if that's the correct term. It's a big deal apparently." I sighed. "I don't really see what's so strange about it."

"I've never met anyone without chakra before." Hinata said, using her creepy vein eyes to look for the nonexistent chakra within me.

"Oh, Byakugan." I nodded with approval. "Very nice."

"Even the villagers who aren't ninja have chakra. It's not as strong as a ninja's but it's still there." Hinata. "I didn't know anyone existed without chakra."

"Well now you do." I told her with a smirk. My attention caught something else. "Oh god, it's the creepy youth-obsessed man again."

They all looked confused before looking around to see Lee, Neji, and Tenten walking towards us. Kiba started laughing and Sakura giggled.

"That's just Lee." Kiba laughed. "It's not Gai-sensei."

I raised my eyebrow. "Are they clones? Their resemblance is shocking." I shook my head. "Please tell me he isn't creepy like Gai."

"He's not creepy." Sakura assured me with a smile. "He's just extremely enthusiastic."

I nodded. _Uh huh. Sure he wasn't creepy._

I actually do like Lee and Gai but they kinda creep me out.

"Hello my fellow ninja!" Lee said cheerfully. "What a glorious day for training it is!"

"Hello Lee." They said in response.

Hinata smiled at Neji and Tenten. "Hello Neji Nii-san. Hello Tenten."

"Hello Hinata." Tenten and Neji said in unison.

Neji's eyes landed on me. "Who is this?" NOT RUDE!

"Alice." I said with a lazy wave. "I'm the new kid."

Lee was inches away from me in seconds. "It is very nice to meet you Alice-san! I'm Rock Lee! Gai-sensei mentioned you earlier!"

"Just call me Alice. I'm not into the honorifics, Lee." I sighed. I knew he was going to do this. Honestly, honorifics annoyed me except for when Tobi used them. But that's because it was Tobi and I loved Tobi. He'd gone on a mission a few days before Itachi, Kisame, and I left.

I miss Tobi…

I miss all my Akatsuki.

"But it would be rude to address you without san, Alice-san!" Lee exclaimed.

My eyebrow twitched in irritation. "Trust me Lee; it'll only be annoying if you use honorifics with my name. Just refer to me as Alice."

"If that is what you wish, Alice!" Lee said loudly.

So many exclamation points…

I raised my eyebrow to look at Kiba who was my favorite at this point though in all honestly, Neji was probably my favorite out of the Konoha 11. Kiba, however, I was more familiar with in this world right now.

"Is he always like this?" I asked.

Kiba laughed. "Pretty much, yeah."

I shrugged. "Fair enough." I looked at Lee's teammates. "So, what are your names?"

"I'm Tenten and this is Neji." Tenten told me. "It's nice to meet you."

I smiled. "Likewise." I glanced at Sakura. "You got anymore friends? Because I might have to start writing these names down..."

Sakura laughed. "Just Shikamaru, Ino, and Choji."

"If only Naruto were here." Lee said proudly.

"Isn't he out training with Jiraiya?" I asked.

Sakura paused to look at me. "How did you know that?"

I smirked. "Secret." When she gave me a raised eyebrow I smiled.

You guys remember the plan I mentioned earlier?

Yeah, it was for now.

Cue long explanation!

Or lie. Call it whatever you'd like.

Don't judge me. I'm in a situation!

"Well, where I come from, not having chakra is actually common." I explained. "However, a special ability you guys would call a Kekkei Genkai is inherited by some of the people in my land. It was very strong in my family, much like the Byakugan or the Sharingan. However, it's a bit different."

Okay, maybe it wasn't that long…

^…That's what she said…^

Now I'm being perverted… Great.

"What is it?" Neji wondered.

I smirked again. "Well my dearest Hyūga, it is an ability that people from my land call Ukato**(1)**. This is not a jutsu since my people don't have chakra, but rather, an ability we are born with that develops as we age. It's not something we can control."

"What does it entail?" Shino inquired.

"I can see the memories, thoughts, and facts about each and every one of you just by looking at you." I stated. "Creepy huh?"

This makes me sound like a stalker…

COOL!

The looks I was getting told me they didn't agree with me. Or believe in me for that matter. I sighed at their stubbornness.

"Don't believe me?" I asked.

Sakura gave me a look that was apologetic.

I raised my eyebrow. "Want me to prove it?"

"That would be helpful." Hinata said with a smile.

I looked at Sakura. "Naruto is a member of your once three man squad. Team 7. You were trained by Kakashi. Sasuke Uchiha was also a member but he defected from Konoha."

She looked down sadly

I patted her shoulder. "I get it. I know what it's like to lose a friend. I've lost a lot in my time." I smiled at her. "Don't let it get you down though. Just keep on fighting with said friend in mind." She really needs to get over Sasuke. The guy's probably being raped by a snake right now. Now I love Sasuke, but I mean, come on. Really?

If Kathryn ever acted like Sasuke or Sakura, I'd kick her ass.

She looked at me and smiled with a strange look in her eyes. "Thank you, Alice."

I patted her on the back. "No problem Sakura."

I turned to Neji who seemed the one I'd have to fight with. "Your name is Neji Hyūga, you're cousin is Hinata. Your birthday is July third, you are 17 years old. You weigh about 119 pounds, you're 5'6" in height and your favorite food is herring soba. You dislike pumpkins and you don't have a tolerance for spicy food."

He was gawking as I went on.

Yes bitches, I just made Neji gawk!

Victory is _mine_.

"You also wish for a rematch with Naruto who beat you in the Chūnin exams." I finished, crossing my arms with a smirk of victory.

"Impressive." Shino stated with a bob of his head.

I grinned. "Why thank you Shino."

"Your ability is both impressive and dangerous." Tenten stated.

I nodded. "That's exactly why I try and hide my knowledge of others. I think I can trust you guys, so you're an exception." I gave her a wink. "So, what do you guys do for fun around here?" I looked at Lee and gave him a blank expression. "And don't say train because I can just tell that's what you're going to say."

Kiba laughed. "But that's what we do. I mean, we can show you around, but there isn't much to do around here."

"Are you kidding? This place is huge. You've gotta have _something_ fun to do." I sighed. "Even if there isn't a set thing to do, you could always improvise."

"Improvise?" Tenten questioned.

I nodded. "You know, like play games and stuff to just relax and have fun."

"Such as?" Shino asked.

I raised my eyebrow. "Do you guys know what Red-Rover is?" They all looked extremely confused so I sighed. "It's a game people play back where I came from. Sure it's a bit immature, but it can actually get quite fun. And it's challenging. I broke my wrist playing it."

"It sounds dangerous." Hinata said apprehensively.

Oh you have no idea, Hinata…

"Only if you play it like a moron like I did." I laughed. "We don't have to play it, but I'll explain it to you." They nodded, watching me with curiosity. "You all spit up into two teams and stand facing each other." I grabbed Kiba's shoulders and made him stand facing me. "Like this. Now, once your team has been chosen and you're facing the opposing team, you hold hands with your teammates."

I grabbed Hinata and set her beside Kiba and forced them to hold hands before I grabbed Lee who was closest to me and held his hand. "Just like this. Now, there will be other people if you play, but this is the general set up." I noticed Hinata was blushing like mad and Lee looked extremely enthused by this entire situation. Kiba seemed indifferent.

Though, I think Lee is enthused by any situation so you can throw that description out the nearest window.

"Once you're all separated and holding hands, you recite the lines: 'Red-Rover, Red-Rover we call so-and-so over'." I told them. "You have to call someone from the other team and the goal is to get the person you call over on your team. However, for the person being called over, your goal is to break their entwined hands by running through them." I grabbed Sakura and made her take my place in holding Lee's hand.

Yeah, I did that just for him.

Fanservice~

Or should it be "Leeservice~"?

"For example: Say Kiba and Hinata called me over. I would be trying to run through their arms and try to break the line." I said, making a mock run over to their arms. It was nice. In slow-motion and everything. "If I don't make it through, I'm on their team. If I did, I'd get to go back to my team and then we'd go and do the same, trying to get someone on our team."

They all nodded, seemingly understanding what I was trying to explain.

"Do you guys get it?" I wondered with a smile.

"I get it." Neji stated. "However, people where you came from must have a lot of free time."

"You have no idea." I deadpanned.

"What other games did you guys play?" Kiba wondered, appearing by my shoulder with a grin. Akamaru was by his side, wagging his tail happily.

I shrugged. "We have a lot. There's tag and freeze tag, there's baseball, football, soccer, rugby." I informed them. "The list goes on."

"I understood tag, and that was about it." Sakura said with a laugh.

I smiled. "I prefer freeze tag. Oh and we have pickle."

"Pickle?" Shino wondered. "Like the food?"

I sighed. "Technically, yes, like the food. However, the game has nothing to do with the food." I crossed my arms absently. "It's called pickle because if you're not one of the throwers, you're in a pickle or a tricky situation. Playing it with ninjas would be so much more intense than playing it with normal people."

"How do you play it?" Tenten asked.

"There are two people who act as the throwers and they toss a ball between each other while the rest of the players stand at one of the thrower's bases which is placed behind the thrower. If you're on the base, the throwers can't get you. If you step off it though, your free game. Basically the objective of those on the base is to run in between the thrower's line of fire to get to the opposite base without being pegged by the ball." I smiled when Kiba and Lee grinned at the idea of the game. "The throwers' goal is to tag the runners with the ball."

I sighed after my explanation. I was getting sick of explaining games to them.

"Your land must have been a strange one." Kiba commented.

I nodded. "Yeah, it was weird. But hey, it did pretty well."

"Do you miss it?" Hinata asked.

I frowned as I considered her question. The only thing I missed with Brett, Louis and some of my other friends. And the ability to destroy my brain with anime, but that's in a category of its own. "I miss some things, but otherwise, no. I don't."

"What things?" Tenten asked.

"Some of the people." I told them. "I left behind my friends, and some of my family." I smiled when Itachi's face flashed through my mind. "But I'm better off here."

"Well we're glad you're here, Alice!" Kiba said, patting me on the back. "Akamaru agrees, right boy?" He barked and licked my hand.

I smiled. "I freaking love dogs." I sighed dramatically and knelt to his level to hug him. "Cats can't even hold a candle to the awesomeness that is canines." I started petting Akamaru.

"It looks like you found a dog lover, Kiba." A voice said from behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see Ino and Choji walking towards us with Shikamaru. I assumed Choji was the one who spoke seeing as neither Ino nor Shikamaru sounded like that.

I scoffed. "As if I could love anything else…" I straightened up. "Yo Shikamaru."

"Hey." He said dully. "This was the girl I was telling you guys about."

I waved at Ino and Choji.

"I'm Ino and this is Choji." Ino said kindly.

She reminded me of Deidara.

I miss my blond terrorist.

As well as my blond idiot Kathryn.

"Alice." I said with a smile. I glanced at Sakura. "Is this it?"

She laughed. "Yeah, this is it."

"Awesome." I smirked. "Lots of new faces. Some more talkative than others." I shot a meaningful glance at Hinata, Shino, and Neji. "You guys need to talk more."

"I like listening." Neji said calmly.

I smiled at him. "I do too, but I also like to add in sarcastic comments every now and then. Me and one of my friends always had drawn out sarcasm battles."

Now I miss Sasori.

Okay me, you didn't see them for six months. You can handle a few days.

Even if it is torture…

Neji smirked.

"So it is true you don't have any chakra?" Choji asked.

I nodded. "Yep."

Neji activated his Byakugan to make sure. He looked shocked. "I sense none."

"That's because there isn't any to sense." I reminded him. I looked over my shoulder as a poof sound came from behind me. Kakashi was standing there. "Hey Kakashi."

"Alice." Kakashi stated. "Would you like to see where you'll be staying?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Uh, sure. Why not?" I looked over the present Konoha 11. "I'll see you guys around. It was nice meeting you all."

"Bye Alice." A few of them said while a couple of the others waved or dipped their heads in my direction. I tossed a wave over my shoulder as I walked back towards the buildings with Kakashi. I hadn't even noticed it was dark yet. Sakura and I must have wandered for a long time.

"So, did you and Tsunade talk about me?" I wondered. "I suppose I do seem kind of suspicious." He looked slightly shocked about my words, but he quickly suppressed it. "Did you know Sakura is still torn up about her teammate's defection?" I slipped my hands into the pocket of my black pants. "She seemed sad about it."

"You seem to know quite a lot." Kakashi pointed out.

I raised my eyebrow at him. "You heard about my ability no doubt? I'm sure you were listening." He seemed rather upset that I caught him.

I had been guessing…

Damn I'm good.

Kakashi glanced at me. "His name was Sasuke. He defected from the village a while ago. Sakura and Naruto were quite close with him. They were under my tutelage."

"I know." I sighed. "I can tell by your memories." He nodded slightly. "Sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I was just curious. His name is Sasuke Uchiha correct?"

Kakashi looked interested in me now. "Indeed."

"I've met him." I lied. "If you're worried about his wellbeing, I assure you when I saw him for the brief time I did, he looked completely fine." I knew it was bad to lie, but I knew Sasuke was fine. I mean, I basically knew the future for this world. I could ease the guy's troubles a bit.

He looked shocked. "Where did you see him?"

"I was just wandering around and I kind of ran into him. He was practicing some lightning thing. He thought I was an intruder and was going to do me in or whatever but he realized I wasn't a threat a second later." I shrugged. "Not entirely sure where it was."

"How long ago?" Kakashi asked.

"A month I'd guess." I said, shrugging again.

He nodded. "Thank you for telling me."

"No problem. I didn't realize he was a rogue." I stated. "I doubt there was anything I could have done though. He looked pretty strong. You trained him well."

Kakashi dipped his head and smiled beneath his mask. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." I smiled. It was around that time that I noticed we had made it to the Hokage tower. "Are we going to see Tsunade or something?"

"No. You get to stay in one of the guest rooms in the tower." Kakashi explained. "Unless you don't want to of course…"

"No, that's fine. I appreciate it." I said gratefully. "Thanks Kakashi. For all you've done thus far."

He smiled again. "You're welcome Alice." He led me to the second floor and to a room at the very end of one of the hallways. "This will be your room."

"Got it." I nodded. "Thanks again Kakashi."

He patted my shoulder. "Good night, Alice."

"Night." I told him. I watched him leave before I opened the door to my room and walked inside. I took one look at the bed and I suddenly realized how tired I was. With just kicking off my shoes, I flopped onto the bed and quickly crawled under the covers seconds before I fell asleep.

* * *

LINE!

* * *

I woke up at dawn, shaking and breathing heavily, sitting straight up and clutching my pillow as if it was my lifeline.

I had another night terror.

Still shaking in fear I fell back on my back and curled into a ball, hugging my pillow. I concentrated on evening out my breathing and my heartbeat as I shook.

I hate night terrors. It really is one of the worst feelings in the world.

There was no way I was going back to sleep.

I didn't feel secure without Itachi. I was surprised that the night terror wasn't bad enough to wake everyone up. I mentally thanked Jashin for that.

I missed Itachi.

I missed all of my Akatsuki and Kathryn. I couldn't wait until the second when I saw them again. I promised myself that I would hug the shit out of all of them.

I lay in that pathetic position for a long time, just missing my criminals and Kathryn. It wasn't until a knock sounded on my door that I was ripped out of my self-induced trance.

I rolled out of the bed, checking briefly to make sure my hair wasn't a wreck. It was straight and neat as always. Satisfied with my hair's obedience, I went to the door and opened it.

Kiba was standing there with Akamaru, Sakura, and Hinata. He grinned at me. "Hey Alice, do you want to go get breakfast with us?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Sure."

I pet the guy's dog and suddenly I'm his best friend.

Works for me.

"Great." Sakura smiled. "Get ready and meet us at the front of the building."

I nodded. "I'll be there in a second." I watched them walk away before shutting my door and going to the bathroom. I noticed there was a tooth brush and other toiletries.

Thank Jashin!

I quickly got ready and made sure I smelled decent before slipping out of my room and hurrying out of the building.

You remember how I was a klutz?

Well I still am.

I tripped over air and fell forward, only to be caught by Kiba. He looked at me with a cocky grin. "Watch yourself, Alice."

"Thanks Kiba." I told him. "I'm a huge klutz. Sorry about almost unintentionally tackling you." He laughed at me and patted my head once I was soundly on my feet.

"Don't worry about it." Kiba said, waving off my apology. I noted his cockiness before looking around. Sakura, Hinata, and Kiba weren't the only ones going to eat with us. Choji, Ino, Shikamaru, Lee, Tenten, Neji, and Shino were also there.

Damn. Talk about a large group.

That waitress is going to be pissed.

"Are you okay, Alice?" Hinata wondered.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Shit like that happens to me all the time. I'm genuinely surprised I didn't face plant three times on my way out here."

She giggled and a few others laughed.

"Well, now that you're on your feet, let's go get some breakfast!" Sakura announced.

"I've never seen anyone so excited about breakfast before." I said loud enough for her to hear me. They laughed.

_Except for Hidan and Tobi. They _love_ breakfast. Especially when I make it._

I miss my psychos.

"So Alice, what do you want for breakfast?" Lee wondered.

I glanced at him and raised my eyebrow. "I don't care. You guys pick. I'll eat just about anything." I would eat just about anything, just in small portions.

Neji glanced at me. "What kind of food did people in your land eat?"

I shrugged. "Everything. We had a large variety. We had food like you guys have here. We have food like pancakes, Pop-Tarts, tacos, and lots and lots of other stuff."

"Pancakes?" Hinata wondered.

"They're basically really fluffy, sweet, pieces cake you can eat for breakfast." I said with a shrug. "They're really good. I could make them for you guys someday. I'm actually a really good cook."

"I want to eat Alice's cooking!" Tenten said dreamily.

Ino nodded. "I agree! You have to let us try some of the food from your homeland."

I smiled. "Absolutely. I'd be more than happy to."

Shikamaru sighed. "She can make us breakfast another day. As of right now, we'll eat breakfast at one of the restaurants."

"Sounds like a plan Shikamaru." I said with a small shrug. "Lead the way oh lazy leader!" He shot me a look while a few of the others snickered.

I missed my fearless leader.

I miss our code.

As much as I love the people from Konoha, I missed my Akatsuki criminals so much more. I can't wait for them to come and get me.

If they even did.

"Hey, Alice, are you okay?" Sakura wondered. "You look a little down."

I looked up at her. "Yeah. I'm fine. I guess I'm just a little homesick. You guys remind me of the friends I left behind. It's a good thing though so don't feel bad."

Kiba curled his arm over my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. "It'll be okay Alice. You got us now! We're your friends." Though it was kind of awkward, I actually appreciated the contact Kiba gave me.

It was kind of like when Hidan decided not to be a psycho asshole.

But I loved it when he was being a psycho asshole too.

I smiled at him. "Thanks Kiba."

Lee skipped forward to walk backwards in front of me. "Kiba-kun is right! We are all your friends now Alice! The bonds of our youthful friendship will never be broken!"

"Sounds good Lee." I laughed, watching him almost bump into Neji. He received a glare from his teammate. "Same here. I'll always consider you guys my friends. Even if something happens to me to make me go insane or something. I'd never hurt one of you." I smiled, knowing that someday, I'd probably see them on different terms. "No matter what the situation. I swear."

"Good to know." Choji stated.

Eventually they led me into some random restaurant. I sat between Kiba and Hinata. I was cool with it. Across from me was Sakura and Neji. Lee sat on their side with them too. Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji sat to my left and Shino sat to my right with Akamaru.

I thought it was kind of funny.

I had no idea what to get so I had Hinata order for me. She'd get me something good and I'd believe in her taste buds over Kiba's just about any day. He'd have me eating kibble.

Whatever she got me was pretty good. I don't even know what it's called and if I tried to spell it, I'm pretty sure I'd be insulting someone.

If I didn't already have a perfectly wonderful, dysfunctional family somewhere else, I'd be more than happy to stay here with these guys.

I haven't even met the main character yet either…

* * *

_Yeah, I'll fix the typos and stuff later. I'm too lazy right now._

_My answer to last chapter's question: 1) Itachi because I have a Sharingan fetish. Plus, his character is just so interesting. I mean, he's the secret hero of everything. Plus he has a heart of gold. 2) Kisame. I just like his character in general. Plus I love hugely tall muscular guys. He has a good heart too. I mean, his last words before his death to Itachi honestly are heart-wrenching to me. To be quiet honest, if Alice wasn't with Itachi, she'd be with Kisame. 2) Kakuzu is my third favorite Akatsuki member. I like his character. His attitude and his treatment of Hidan are entertaining. His sexiness is also a factor. I don't know. There's just something about that stitched miser that I'm drawn to. The next few numbers are kind of mushed. I love all of the Akatsuki, but those three stand out._

_Those of you able to go to Kings Island should come and see me when it opens. Not to sure how you'll find me, but hey, maybe you will._

_Again: I will update whenever possible because I love you guys._

**(1):** _reverse the letters for a special surprise!__  
_

**QotC:**_ I'm thinking about making a flashback chapter, just for funzies. What do you guys think? It won't be the same events. It will be an entirely new one that I thought up recently.  
_

_Let me know in a review or message. I don't care which._

_:) Bye~  
_


	11. Chapter 11

_Be aware of some mild Sasuke insults. Nothing too bad though.  
_

_I **love** Sasuke, but I had to do it._

_I'd also like to say that I love Japan and I pray to Jashin that they make it through this without anything else happening to them._

_Because it's terrible to see that kind of thing happen to anyone. Let alone such an awesome country that makes incredible shows. :)_

_But seriously, it's awful. One of my friends lost some of his family in all that mess.  
_

_Anyways, Enjoy this sad excuse for a chapter._

_I don't own Naruto.  
_

* * *

"I'm telling you right now guys, you're digging your own hole." I said with a sigh. Sakura and Ino were bombarding me with questions about Sasuke because obviously Kakashi informed Sakura that I had seen him.

I HAD BEEN LYING YOU ASS!

Though, I did know just about everything about that chicken's ass.

I guess me lying to him came back to bite me in the ass. Even though I was just helping...

Anyways, we were sitting on like a picnic table thing in the middle of a park looking area. Lee was bouncing around us, fighting Neji and Kiba. Shino was in the mix too but I'm not too sure what he was doing. Sakura and Ino sat across from me and Hinata while Tenten sat at one end of the table by Ino and Hinata.

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked.

I raised my eyebrow at her. "He ain't coming back. I've seen the guy's thoughts and memories and I'll tell you right now, that asshole isn't coming home unless you kill him." Though, Naruto intended on doing that later in the series anyways…

"You don't know that." Sakura said stubbornly.

"Yeah I do." I deadpanned. "Even if he gets revenge on his brother, he'll still be striving for the darkness. He's consumed by revenge. You can't talk sense to people like that." I sighed. "If he gets revenge on his brother, he'll want revenge on something else. And the cycle will continue until he is nothing but a shell of hatred. Face it dear, your friend is a nut job."

Ino glared. "You don't even know him."

"I can guarantee you that I know him better than you." I stated calmly.

"Okay then, what's his brother's name?" Ino questioned.

Really?

Does she want me to go on a rant about Itachi?

Because I certainly will.

"Itachi Uchiha. Itachi is five years older than Sasuke." I informed her. "Sasuke is currently 16 which makes Itachi 21." Bitch please. Itachi is the love of my life. "His mother was Mikoto and his father was Fugaku."

Ino crossed her arms. "What are his favorite foods?"

Bitch, that question is easy. His food preferences are quite close to my own.

"Sasuke likes tomatoes, omusubi with okaka. He dislikes natto and anything sweet." I sighed. "Don't quiz me on people Ino. I can tell you just about everyone's life story."

I love tomatoes and I hate sweets except for very rarely.

Sakura looked at me. "You say he might never want to come back, but that won't stop Naruto from trying."

"Yes, he does seem like the persistent type." I nodded, resting my chin in my hand as I sat across from her at our table. "Believe it."

I can't believe I just said that.

I hate myself now…

"Can you blame Sasuke for wanting revenge? I mean, his brother did kill his entire family." Tenten said quietly.

My eyes narrowed. "I do not understand Sasuke's desire for revenge. I sympathize with him, don't get me wrong. But he wants to kill his own brother." I frowned. "I don't know about you guys, but I would kill for my brother. I have an older brother as well back in Ohio. I don't care if he killed every single person I knew, I would still love and defend him with my entire being." I scoffed. "Maybe it's different for you guys, but I would never want to hurt my brother."

"Were you close to your brother?" Hinata asked.

"Before or after he left?" I asked.

"Before." She stated.

I nodded. "Just as close and Sasuke and Itachi were to each other. So extremely."

"Did your brother kill your entire family?" Tenten wondered.

"No. But even so, he's family." I told her. "It makes no difference. My brother is my brother. Family is family. You can't replace your brother. If he killed off everyone so it was only me and him, I'd hang onto him because he is the only family I had left. Not dedicate myself to kill him because I'm an emotionally confused child."

Yeah, I know he's going to say he'll slaughter everyone I care about so I can taste his hatred, but Sasuke can choke on a dick for all I care. Everyone I care about could kick his ass or their in a different world.

I really do like Sasuke.

In fact, he one of my favorite characters and I love him.

Hell, I'm dating his brother.

But sometimes, I want to punch him in his adorable face.

"It's a bit different for us ninja." Sakura stated.

I nodded. "I understand that. I was just stating my opinion. I have nothing against Sasuke. He's never done anything to me, but from what I know of him, he's made some idiotic moves in his life. Like leaving you guys, the ones who actually care for him, behind so he can be selfish and evil is disgusting." I shrugged. "But hey, who am I to judge?"

"I'm not going to give up trying to get Sasuke back." Ino said firmly.

"I never said you should." I said with a smirk. "In fact, I want you guys to do everything in your power to get Sasuke back. Maybe one of these days you will get through to him and he'll see the error of his idiotic was and return. Hell, I'll help you."

Hinata giggled. "You're not very girly are you Alice?"

"Hell no." I laughed. "I've been around guys my entire life. The only female contact I've had is my younger sister Kathryn and a few girls from school. But that was rarely. This situation here," I motioned to the five of us sitting at the table, "is new to me."

Sakura raised her eyebrow. "You don't have girl time?"

"Not really no." I admitted with a shrug.

Tenten leaned closer to me, down the table. "Hey Alice, is that a necklace you're wearing?" Did anyone else think that question was sort of random?

I looked down with raised eyebrow. "Why yes it is."

Shit.

How was I going to explain this necklace?

It was my Uchiha clan necklace.

I had forgotten all about it up until she said something.

I wear it so much that I kind of forget it's there sometimes.

Kathryn had gotten it for me at the same time I had gotten her hers. It was specially ordered, just like her owl was.

The necklace was adorned with the appropriate jewels for the right colors. It was awesome looking. It hung from a silver chain and it had me and Itachi's names carved into the back. I loved it. I swear I gave Kathryn a four hour hug when she gave it to me.

Sighing, I pulled it out of my shirt and showed it to the girls. "My sister Kathryn got it for me. I've never taken it off."

"It's so pretty." Sakura cooed.

Yeah, it is.

"They symbol looks really familiar." Ino said in confusion.

Because it is you moron…

I shrugged. "I my land, this symbol is one of many worn by those with Ukato."

"Wait, isn't that the Uchiha clan symbol?" Tenten wondered.

Ding! Ding! Ding! What do we have for her Johnny?

Anyone seen Liar Lair with Jim Carrey? Well if you haven't, you should. It's an incredibly funny movie.

"It is!" Sakura said curiously. "I never expected to see it on a non Uchiha."

"Weird." I commented. "People with Ukato wear different symbols according to how strong their ability is or in what direction it is leaning towards. For example: I have a friend named Brett back in Ohio who has Ukato, but he wears the symbol of Alchemy."

He has a Full Metal Alchemist necklace.

It's pretty freaking sweet.

It's his second favorite anime right behind Bleach which is tied with Naruto.

"He wears it because his ability allows him to know everything that has to do with Alchemy." I was telling only part of the truth, but hey, I didn't want to have to explain my life story to these people.

That would be awkward.

And just plain unnecessary.

"That's pretty weird." Sakura said as she considered it.

I nodded. "Extremely."

"So what is yours leaning towards?" Tenten asked.

"Slrignaf." I informed her. "It's probably the most powerful form of Ukato." I internally smirked. Fangirls are deadly to any and all objects of their love, affection and obsession.

Watch out Itachi.

"So Alice, tell us more about Ohio." Sakura pressed. "I think it's really interesting."

I shrugged. "What do you want to know?"

"How hot were the guys?" Ino questioned. The other four smiled and nodded in approval at her question.

"Some were pretty damn hot." I said. "I know a few that are back in Ohio. I went to school with some, and I lived with two. But, for every hot guy, there were two ugly ones. Not just in appearance. Some had ugly personalities."

Uh hello? Have you _seen_ the men I live with now?

Talk about sexy.

"So just like here?" Tenten asked sarcastically.

"All the guys I've met here in Konoha are awesome." I stated. I looked towards the guys to see Lee and Kiba having a glaring contest while Neji stood near them with Shino, sighing and shaking his head at their antics.

"See?" I asked for emphasis, jerking my thumb in their direction.

The girls laughed.

**Third Person!**

"ATTACK THE DANNA!" Kathryn yelled, jumping over the back of the couch to tackle Sasori. Sasori sighed and dodged her assault, allowing her to plow straight into Hidan.

"Ouch!" Hidan shouted, his face buried into the floor under Kathryn. "The hell you skinny bitch?" Kisame snickered from his spot on the largest couch.

"Hi Hidan." Kathryn said sweetly. "I was just trying to tackle Danna, but he moved. So I landed on you."

"Get the fuck off!" He barked.

Kathryn pouted as she stood up. "Fine asshole. Go suck Jashin's cock."

"What did you just say?" Hidan snarled, turning on Kathryn who had walked away from him, her nose in the air. Sasori just sighed and introduced his palm to his forehead.

"Go and suck your make believe god's cock, asshole!" Kathryn snapped.

Fire erupted in Hidan's eyes and he grabbed a pike off his belt before charging at Kathryn. "TAKE IT BACK YOU SKINNY BITCH!"

Kathryn yelped and ran from the room. "AH!" She sprinted through the kitchen, startling Tobi, Zetsu, and Kakuzu who were in there talking calmly. When none of them helped her, she continued on her way, running for her life.

She started throwing random turns into her escape route to throw the livid zealot off her path. "HELP DEI! HELP DANNA!"

"Hidan! Leave her alone!" Sasori shouted from the living room.

Kathryn screamed even louder when Hidan continued after her, turning the corner and appearing in the same hallway she was on. She darted into the first room she saw. She sighed with relief when she saw someone who would protect her. "Itachi!"

Itachi raised an eyebrow when Kathryn jumped over his bed and hid behind him. "Are you alright Kathryn?"

"Hidan is trying to kill me." She whimpered.

Itachi sighed and closed his eyes before looking up when Hidan burst into his room. "Where the fuck is she?" Hidan demanded.

"Hidan, get out of my room." Itachi said calmly. "You are not allowed to hurt Kathryn."

"She insulted Jashin-sama!" Hidan roared.

Itachi narrowed his eyes. "I do not care what she did. Get. Out."

Hidan's angry expression wavered under Itachi's death glare accompanied with a pair of blazing Sharingan. He lowered the pike and returned it to his belt. "Fine. Fucking pussy Uchiha." He then turned and left the room, grumbling under his breath as he did so.

Kathryn sighed with relief. "Thanks so much Itachi. I owe you."

"Not at all, Kathryn." Itachi said with a shake of his head. "You are quite welcome." He looked at her. "I ask that you try and refrain from enticing Hidan into his murdering sprees."

Kathryn giggled. "Alright." She cocked her head to the side. "Are you okay? I haven't seen you all day."

"I'm fine." Itachi assured her. "I've just had things on my mind and I wished to stay in the peaceful enclosure of my room."

"You miss Alice." Kathryn concluded. "Don't worry Itachi. She'll be home soon. I know you miss her, and I'm sorry you're sad. I'm here if you want to talk." She hugged him. "Try and be happy for her. She'll be mad if she thinks you were being emo because she wasn't around."

Itachi watched Kathryn for a moment before patting her head gently. "Thank you, Kathryn. I appreciate your concern."

She grinned and released him. "Yep! Come, you need to socialize. And I need a protector until Deidara gets out of the shower."

"Where is Sasori?" Itachi wondered as Kathryn grabbed his arm and dragged him out of his room and down the hallway.

"He's in the living room. The only thing he does is yell for them to stop. He's too lazy." Kathryn informed him.

Itachi chuckled. "That sounds like Sasori."

"Yeah." She skipped over to said puppet when she and Itachi made it to the living room. "Hi Danna."

"Brat." Sasori said absently. He looked up at Itachi's arrival. "Itachi."

"Sasori." Itachi stated. "You should show more concern for your charge, Sasori."

Sasori frowned. "She's Deidara's."

Itachi rolled his eyes. "We both know Deidara would starve if you weren't there to make sure he fed himself. He cannot be in charge of himself, let alone anyone else."

"This is true." Sasori nodded. "Though, had Hidan actually been a threat to her, I would have stopped him."

"He was scaring her." Itachi stated.

"Perhaps she'll learn to stop messing with him." Sasori sighed.

Kathryn giggled and shook her head. "Nope. Too much fun."

"See?" Sasori deadpanned. "Besides, I'm not Kisame. I don't injure the others merely because she asks me to."

Kisame looked up from his spot on the couch. "Hey, fuck you Sasori. I don't like it when Hidan's mean to Alice."

"My point has been proven." Sasori said, gesturing towards Kisame. "Alice has made Kisame her guard dog."

"Then that means you're my lap dog!" Kathryn cheered, hugging Sasori.

"You just love degrading me don't you?" Sasori growled.

Kathryn nodded as she nuzzled him. "Yes. You're such a cute puppy!"

Kisame snickered. "Alice would love this. She would be teasing you to no end right now Sasori."

"I know." He deadpanned. "That's why I am somewhat glad she isn't here to witness this."

"I'll be sure to tell her." Kathryn assured him.

"You'll do no such thing." Sasori snapped.

Itachi shook his head. "You may say Kathryn is an annoyance, but you seem quite fond and protective of her regardless."

"Shut up Uchiha." Sasori grumbled.

Kathryn frowned. "Don't be mean to Itachi, Danna. He's just being truthful."

Sasori sighed. "Whatever."

"That's Sasori's way of admitting to something without damaging his pride." Kisame chuckled. "Itachi does the same thing. He just uses 'Hn' instead."

"Shut up Kisame." Itachi and Sasori said in unison.

"Why are we picking on Kisame, un?" Deidara asked as he entered the living room. He smiled when he was glomped by Kathryn. "Hey un."

"My guard dog!" Kathryn cheered.

Deidara raised his eyebrow and looked at the others for an explanation.

"Don't ask." All three of them said in unison.

**First Person Alice!**

I don't know what caused it, but something made me want to tease the hell out of Sasori. I also had a strange urge to hug the shit out of Kisame.

I must remember to do those things when I see them next.

* * *

_Yeah, I don't really like this chapter._

_But hey, it shows Alice's bonding with the Konoha kids._

_As for the flashback chapter, it won't be for a while. And it won't be anything extreme. It'll be about a time in our world that Alice just happens to remember._

_Exciting I know..._

_Anyways, how are you?_

**QotC:**_ Who are your top 3 favorite Anime Characters in general? Doesn't have to be Naruto, but it can be.__ Like always, I will answer next chapter._

_Btw, you guys can recommend questions, events, anything. I really don't care. I love hearing from you guys. It doesn't even have to be a review. Messages make me just as happy._

_Or you can email me or attack my DA page.  
_

_As most writers I've talked to, hearing from your readers is even better than writing a story._

_Well, I hope you enjoyed it as much as possible. I'll probably update later because I honestly don't like this chapter all that much. The next one I do though. I already have most of it typed. I'm editing._

_Ta ta my dears.  
_


	12. Chapter 12

_I have this huge ass bruise on my hand, and I have no idea how it got there..._

_I'm 90% sure it's from when I got blood taken..._

_10% goes to hitting it on the desk at school when I was going to deflect a blow from Sethy-Poo._

_I WAS going to upload this like 3 days ago, but hates people apparently and I kept getting the Error Type 2 thing.  
_

_Anywhozal, enjoy the chapter of which I only own Alice, Kathryn, and plot. And you. I own that too.  
_

* * *

"Hey Alice, are you okay?" Kiba asked. "You look kind of tired."

I raised my eyebrow threateningly at him. "Do I? Do I really?"

He nodded, looking slightly intimidated by my hostility. "Yes."

I sighed. "That's probably because I am." I turned around and leaned on the counter in Kakashi's apartment. Apparently word of my cooking skills got around and Kakashi offered to let me use his kitchen as long as he got some.

Hey man, I wasn't complaining.

I _love_ Kakashi.

"Why are you so tired Alice?" Lee asked with his misplaced enthusiasm. It was too early in the morning to be so excited about anything. Back in my world, I killed people that acted like him first thing at school.

Not really.

But I plotted their demise.

"I have what people in my land call night terrors. It's just a sleeping disorder." I explained. "It's worse than usual because I'm in a new place and I'm not used to it yet." I crossed my arms over my chest. "So what do you guys want to eat?"

"Make whatever you can." Kakashi stated.

I raised my eyebrow and a smirk played on my lips. "You got it Kakashi."

"Why do I feel like I'm going to regret saying that…?" Kakashi wondered aloud.

I laughed. "I won't do anything ridiculous, I promise." Turning around, I set about making everything breakfast-y I could make with the ingredients Kakashi had. Yeah, I went all out for sure.

I'm going to have to make it up to the guys.

Hidan has clearly told me before that I'm not allowed to cook for anyone other than them. His comment would have sparked a whole bunch of sexist jokes from my guy friends at school. Kathryn made a few for my enjoyment when he said it to make up for it.

Alice is going on a rant again.

Now, I think women should have every single opportunity men have. I'm all for equality and everything. Like if I hit a guy, I _want_ that guy to hit me back. I deserve it just as much as he does. The whole "don't hit a girl" thing goes against equality. If you don't want to get hit, don't do shit to entice a punch in the face.

However, the hardcore feminist bullshit annoys the fuck out of me. I mean really? Shut the hell up. Yes I think guys should have to do everything a woman has to and vice versa. But don't bitch about being stuck in the kitchen. I do it willingly because I'd rather cook edible food rather than let some guy who doesn't know what the hell he is doing burn the damn house down.

Some girls at school get bitchy about the sexist jokes but I think they're hilarious. I even join in the antics and throw in some of my own. They're just jokes. Words are words. Get over it.

Rant over. Back to reality.

Breakfast was soon made and I dished out healthy, generous portions to everyone surrounding the table. Yeah, Gai, Kurenai, and Asuma came too. It was a full house. I'm surprised Kakashi's little kitchen could handle it.

I honestly think he stole someone else's kitchen…

I wouldn't put it past him.

Once the food had been distributed to those present, Kakashi went and ate in the next room to give the others more room.

_I_ think he just wanted to pull a Madara and hide his face.

Gai, Lee, and Kiba ate everything that wasn't nailed down… Like honestly, I don't think they were able to taste anything. They just inhaled it. I was almost disgusted. However, Hidan and Deidara eat like that too so I couldn't judge.

Neji, Hinata, and Shino picked at their food. Itachi ate like that when he was tired. Pein ate like that too. So did Konan and Tobi, but Tobi did it so he could sneak food through his mask. I bet Kakashi does the same thing.

Choji shoveled his food into his mouth. Like he unhinged his jaw and just shoveled the food inside it. His elbows were out to his sides as if he was guarding his food from the others. Kisame, Zetsu, and Kathryn do it too.

The others ate normally. I can't really pick anything strange about Kakuzu's eating habits or Itachi's when he isn't dead tired. Sasori doesn't eat so I can't lump him into any category. Though, Kakuzu's posture and facial expression always depended on how annoying Hidan was being. He was usually very annoying.

But damn did I miss him.

I missed all of those crazy sons of bitches.

"Your breakfast was very delicious Alice!" Lee exclaimed.

"I feel my youth has been restored!" Gai cheered.

I smacked my forehead before sighing and giving Lee a smile. "Thank you Lee."

"Aren't you going to eat Alice?" Tenten questioned.

I shook my head. "Nah, I'm not hungry."

"You're _never_ hungry." Kiba protested.

"That's true." I smirked. "Besides, you guys attacked the food like ravenous animals. I've since lost my appetite." Sakura and Ino both burst into giggles.

They managed to look guilty. "We are sorry Alice!" Lee pouted.

I laughed. "I was just joking." I looked towards Kakashi when he entered the room once again. "Hey Kakashi. Was it worth letting me use your kitchen?"

"Extremely worth it. I'm going to have to have you make my breakfast from now on." He said with a smile beneath his mask.

"I agree!" Ino concurred.

I scoffed. "Good luck with that." Hidan would eat my face. I looked over the others. "So what's the plan for today?"

"Train." Half of them said.

"Mission." The other half added.

I rolled my eyes. "Well you guys definitely have a lot of different activities to choose from." I sighed when they all looked confused. "You guys are new to sarcasm aren't you?"

"What else would we do?" Neji questioned.

I smacked my forehead. "Wow. You guys have been deprived!" I shook my head. "In my land there we so many different things to do, people didn't know what to do with themselves."

"In Ohio?" Shikamaru pressed.

"Yes, in Ohio. Wow it is weird hearing you say that." I confirmed. He looked confused at my last comment but I waved it off.

Choji looked curious. "Like what?"

"Well school was the main thing for people our age." I stated. "You went to the damn place for 13 years of your life. Possibly more. I went less because I was considered intellectually advanced." I crossed my arms. "From the age of like 5 to 18, you were basically stuck in that hell hole learning all kinds of stupid shit."

"That doesn't sound too fun." Asuma said with amusement.

I looked at him without emotion. "You have no idea." I deadpanned.

"Did your land have ninjas?" Kurenai asked.

I scoffed. "I'm about as ninja as people get." When a few of them look shocked I nodded in mock disappointment. "I know, it's like a big punch in the face isn't it?"

"What did your village do for protection?" Shikamaru wondered.

"We had the kickass army." I stated. "We had the Marines, the Navy, the Air Force, the Military and all the rest of that jazz." I crossed my arms. "We were the shit."

Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow.

"We were one of the most badass nations out there." I smirked. "You can't get much better than the good old U.S. of A." I said proudly. I wasn't all patriotic saying America was the best country out there, but I wasn't a dumbass. I knew the country had its faults, but we also had some kickass aspects too.

_**Just like everyone else.**_

"Impressive." Neji stated.

I shrugged. "It was home."

But now my home was here, in this fictional, yet not-so-fictional world I lived in.

Yeah, ignore that contradiction.

I don't even know what I'm saying anymore…

Don't tell Sasori.

That asshole will tease me to no end.

**Third Person!**

Sasori frowned. "I have a feeling Alice is thinking bad things about me." He crossed his arms and looked at Kathryn who was brushing Deidara's hair. "I blame you."

Kathryn looked up from her task. "Danna! That's mean!" She pouted. "I'm just brushing Deidara's voluptuous locks." She grinned when Deidara turned around slowly to give her a questioning look at the word she said.

Kathryn was sitting on the couch beside Sasori and Deidara was sitting on the floor in between her legs. The two artists and their… companion of sorts… were in the living room with a reading Itachi and an almost napping Kisame.

"Did you just insult me, un?" Deidara said with uncertainty in his voice.

Kathryn giggled. "I would never Deidara. In fact, it was a compliment. I wish I had hair as epically epic as yours." She ran her fingers through it gently. "It's so awesome."

Deidara smirked. "Thanks un."

"Itachi's is almost as awesome." Kathryn added. "But his isn't as thick. And he's not a blond. Therefore, not as awesome."

Itachi looked up. "I am sorry to disappoint you, Kathryn."

"Not at all my dear Uchiha." Kathryn chimed. "Alice _loves_ guys with dark hair. She thinks your hair is one of the sexiest factors about you. I don't disagree, but I'm obligated to love Deidara's more." She giggled when he rolled his eyes and went back to reading.

She looked to Sasori. "Your hair is sexy too Danna." She winked. "Redheads are hot."

Sasori looked down at her and rolled his eyes. "Thanks."

"You're welcome!" She chirped, hugging him. "Danna is so cute. Isn't he Dei?" Deidara just raised his eyebrow and shook his head at his love's behavior.

Satisfied with hugging Sasori; Kathryn put Deidara's hair back up in it typical half ponytail before hugging him from behind. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed the side of his cheek that wasn't covered with his hair.

"Let's go fuck with Hidan baby." She whispered. "Then we can have some 'alone' time."

Deidara grinned and turned slightly to kiss her. "Sounds good, un."

"What are you two doing?" Sasori asked, raising his eyebrow at his brats as they stood up to leave the living room. "Nothing irritating I hope."

"We're just going to spend some quality time with Hidan." Kathryn told him with a grin.

"Translation: They're going to annoy the hell out of him so he'll flip out and annoy the rest of us." Kisame grumbled into his pillow.

Kathryn giggled and kissed Kisame's cheek. "Correct! Kisame wins a prize." She skipped to the door and waited for Deidara to join her before taking his hand. "We'll try to keep him out of the living room."

"I hope so." Itachi commented.

Deidara chuckled and scooped Kathryn into his arms, taking her shock as an opportunity to kiss her fully as he carried her bridal style down the hallway to where Hidan was.

She responded eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck to deepen the gesture. He smiled into the kiss when she grinned. He loved everything about the girl in his arms and when she smiled, he had no choice but to return it.

She broke away from him. "I love you Deidara."

"I love you too, un." Deidara said seriously, smiling at her gently. "I love you more than anything. A lot more than my art, un."

Kathryn gawked. "That's A LOT!" She hugged him again. "I love you a shit ton more than you love your art too." She grinned. "Un."

Deidara frowned in mock anger. "Don't mock me yeah, un."

"I would never, hmm." Kathryn smirked, kissing him lightly.

He smirked too. "I think you are, hmm."

She shook her head. "Nope, yeah." She giggled. "Oh you're just so cute!"

He chuckled. "You're adorable, un."

"The mushiness is so endearing!" She squealed. Her kissing assault on Deidara's face ended as soon as they entered the kitchen to see Hidan sitting in his usual spot, cleaning one of the pikes he used for his ritual.

A crafty, evil grin broke out on her face as she stared at the zealot. "Oh Hidan~!" Kathryn sang. Hidan looked up from his cleaning and looked around to stare at her.

"Why do I get the feeling you're going to annoy the fucking shit out of me right now?" He questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Because I am!" Kathryn said cheerfully, removing herself from Deidara's person to go and annoy Hidan.

Sasori sighed as Hidan's cursing sounded from the kitchen. "I'm already annoyed."

"You'd be better off just tuning them out, Sasori." Itachi commented. "That's what I do."

"You don't have to listen to make sure your brat and his woman aren't dying." Sasori stated, looking at the Uchiha.

Kisame snickered. "Yes he does. Alice is usually the one that goes to shut them all up. He has to worry for everyone else, not just her." A boom sounded from the kitchen, followed by a crash. "That sounds rough."

"Kakuzu is going to be furious." Itachi sighed. "Let's just be glad that Tobi hasn't joined them yet."

"DEIDARA-SENPAI!" Tobi yelled. "TOBI WANTS TO PLAY!"

"NO TOBI, UN!" Deidara cried, quickly followed by another crash and laughter from Hidan and Kathryn.

"I stand corrected." Itachi said rolling his eyes.

"You just had to say something…" Sasori grumbled.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME THERE KATHRYN!" Hidan shouted.

Sasori, Itachi, and Kisame looked towards the doorway of the living room, appearing both disturbed and concerned.

"THAT SOUNDS DIRTY!" Kathryn giggled. "WE AREN'T RAPING HIDAN, DANNA!" Sasori stared at the door for a second longer before sighing and rolling his eyes.

"WHAT THE _FUCK_ HAPPENED IN HERE?" Kakuzu's booming voice demanded.

"SHIT! RUN!" Hidan laughed.

Kisame snickered. "Kakuzu is back."

"GET BACK HERE HIDAN!" Kakuzu shouted.

Sasori sighed. "It's the same damn thing every day. I don't see why he gets so shocked. We really need to childproof this entire base for Hidan, Deidara, and Kathryn. It's like we've started babysitting."

Itachi smirked. "The usual babysitter is temporarily on leave. It makes you appreciate Alice's way with the morons, doesn't it, Sasori?"

Sasori chuckled. "That it does."

Though few of them would admit it, they were actually missing the violent female.

And Alice was missing their antics.

* * *

_Do not fret my dears, Alice will be rescued soon enough._

_I'm in a very Pein mood today. I don't know why..._

_Anywhozal... My crazy psycho aunt that lives with me is throwing a bitch fit about her plants dying..._

_She doesn't even take care of the damn things. Zetsu would be disappointed._

**Answer:** _Kenpachi Zaraki(Duh): Freakishly tall, love his character, love his past. His personality makes me happy. His blood lust is entertaining and he's just an awesome character. Itachi Uchiha: Refer to chapter ten for my reason for loving him to death. Nnoitra Gilga: Pretty much the same as Kenpachi. And I love the fact that he looks like a spoon. Santa Teresa is also freaking badass._

_Someone asked me when I was going to update _Snatched_. Yeah, I don't know really. I know it's the second chapter and stuff but I really lost interest on it... I might just redo the whole damn thing. But I DID start on a new fanfiction. It's Naruto/mostly Akatsuki again. It's different.  
_

_I'm going to stop rambling._

**QotC: **_What is your favorite Anime/manga?_

_Again, I'll answer next chapter._

_BTW! 110+ REVIEWS IN 12 CHAPTERS? That's freaking awesome. You guys are the best and I love you forever._

_TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT AS A GIFT! You deserve love. And lots of it._

_But seriously though, thank you guys SOOO much for following this piece of crap. I really appreciate it._

_So does Alice. She would high five you if she could._

_Byee~~  
_


	13. Chapter 13

_Here numba 13 is ladies and possible gentlemen._

_Do any guys read this? If so, you should tell me because you would be well respected in my eyes._

_Anywho, I don't own Naruto_

_Kinda wish I did. But since I don't enjoy.  
_

* * *

**Third Person!**

"Such rage." Kathryn giggled, watching Hidan tackle Deidara. She was sitting on the couch with Sasori, watching her love and Hidan attack each other.

Deidara had slipped a clay bomb under the Jashinist's pillow while he was sleeping and used it to wake him up this morning. Kakuzu had to stitch Hidan's head back on. Kathryn thought it was hilarious, which surprised some of them because they thought it would shock her. She however assured them she was utterly amused.

"Just ignore them kid." Sasori sighed, trying to tune out his partner and the zealot. His gaze drifted to Kathryn when she giggled and rested her head on his shoulder. "What are you doing brat?"

"Laying on my Danna." She said sweetly. "What are you doing Danna?"

Sasori rolled his eyes and patted her head. "Nothing."

"Hidan, Deidara, that's enough." An authoritative voice said, slicing through the bickering men. Deidara and Hidan broke apart at their leader's orders and looked up to see him standing there with Kakuzu, Itachi, Kisame, Tobi, Zetsu, and Konan.

Kathryn lifted her head off Sasori's shoulder. "Is it time to go get Alice?"

Pein dipped his head. "Indeed. We leave as soon as you all are ready. Be sure to get anything you'll be taking with you to the next base." He looked at Itachi. "I'm going to need Alice's wristband."

Itachi nodded and handed over the wristband he had kept on his person nonstop during Alice's absence. "Here sir."

"I'm already ready. I've been ready ever since the meeting." Kathryn stated. "I want to go and get Alice as soon as possible. I miss her."

Deidara looked up at Pein as he got off the floor. "We already have things at the other base. I think most of us are ready, un."

Konan glanced at Itachi. "Did you pack Alice's things?"

"I did it earlier this morning." Itachi nodded.

"So is everyone ready to depart?" Pein questioned. He noted the nods and murmurs of confirmation from his subordinates. "Very well. Come, we head for Konoha."

Kathryn jumped on Deidara. "Shotgun!"

Deidara laughed and hugged her. "If that's your way of asking me if I'll carry you, then my answer is yes, un." He kissed her forehead and swung her around so she was in a piggy back.

"Forward my valiant steed!" Kathryn said in a hyper tone pointing into the distance/at the wall since she was in the living room.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "That's going to get annoying."

"Shut up Danna." Kathryn grumbled.

"Make sure you all do exactly as I said at the meeting. The success of this mission relies upon your abilities to play your rolls exactly as I stipulated." Pein said seriously. "It will take us about three days to get there if we hurry."

"That's without fucking stopping too." Hidan sighed. "Alright, let's get the crazy bitch back. It's kinda lonely without her yelling at the puppet fucker." Sasori glared.

"She yells at you too, moron." Kakuzu reminded him.

Kisame snickered. "Well, the sooner we leave, the sooner she can continue yelling at all of them." He elbowed Itachi. "And the sooner Itachi can stop moping."

"I am not moping." Itachi deadpanned.

Kisame chuckled. "Whatever you say Itachi."

"Awe, he just misses her Kisame." Kathryn pouted. "Be nice to him. You miss Alice too." Itachi dipped his head at Kathryn in silent thanks.

Kisame nodded. "You're damn right I do. I miss that little squirt."

Konan smiled at the other members. "Well then, shall we Pein-sama?"

"Yes." Pein agreed. "Let's head out." And with that he led his subordinates through the halls and out of the base, straight to Konoha.

**First Person Alice!**

Okay, so I like Kiba and all, but he was getting a little too friendly. I was starting to get kinda creeped out.

Currently I was sitting beside him, watching Lee and Neji train together. He had just got done training with Hinata before sitting aside with me to watch the other two boys train.

However, he was sitting a little too close for someone who was just a friend. I didn't mind Akamaru being as close as he was because he was an adorable dog. However, it was a bit different with Kiba.

"So how do you like Konoha, Alice?" Hinata asked. I focused on her for a minute, trying to push away my irritated thoughts that made me want to attack Kiba with dog shampoo and a hose. I couldn't exactly tell him I was taken unless I was okay with telling him it was Itachi.

That would not end well.

"It's pretty cool." I said shrugging. "Everyone is pretty nice."

She smiled at me. "Well that's great. I'm glad you're enjoying it here."

"Thanks Hinata." I said with a smile. "You really should talk more. You know, be more assertive. You have a wonderful personality and you're actually really pretty. You just need to have more confidence in yourself. I bet you'd be one of the best ninja out there if you weren't so kind." I smirked. Maybe this would cause her to grow enough balls to fight Pein later on. "Not that there's anything wrong with that. You're cool just the way you are to me."

She looked down in embarrassment. "Um, thanks…"

I giggled. "You're welcome." I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck. "I'm going to go walk around for a bit guys. I'll see you around."

"Do you want us to come with you?" Kiba questioned.

I shook my head. "Nah. I kinda just want to walk around on my own." I smiled at him and placed my hand on his shoulder as I stood. "Check ya later."

He and Akamaru both cocked their heads at me in confusion as I walked away from them. Hinata watched me with slight concern.

I missed Kathryn. To be honest, I'd never gone more than a day without contacting her in some way. Since we couldn't text, call, or message each other in this world, we were pretty much separated in every way shape and form. I didn't like it.

I missed her and the guys.

It was starting to get really shitty being here without them.

Most of the Konoha Shinobi were good company, but they only quelled the pain for so long. And some of the things they did reminded me of the friends I missed dearly. In the end it just became a lot to bear.

That and my lack of weasel and idiot criminals were increasing my night terrors. I've had one every day since I've been here and I was sure to have another one tonight. I am contemplating not sleeping tonight.

I sighed as I left the training fields. I traveled through the village absently, just kind of letting my feet lead me where they may. I waved at Asuma, Shikamaru, Choji, and Ino as they called a hello after me. They had just walked out of the flower shop.

My mind wandered from one thing to the other. I smiled every now and then as I remembered some fun times with my social outcasts. I really needed a sarcasm battle. I needed my Itachi and Kisame fix. I wanted to vent on Hidan and I had urges to annoy Pein and Kakuzu. I really wanted to irritate Sasori with Deidara and screwing around with Tobi to annoy Zetsu sounded like so much fun. Mostly though, I just wanted to wreck havoc with Kathryn.

I stopped suddenly, my feet halting by themselves. I raised my eyebrows in question until I shivered involuntarily. I could feel someone watching me.

Looking around I saw a guy with glazed over eyes and brown hair standing a few feet behind me, gazing at me. At least, he seemed to be gazing at me. His eyes weren't focused and he kinda just stood there, looking in my direction.

My first thought almost made me laugh.

_HOLY SHIT! ZOMBIE!_

Under closer inspection, it just looked like a guy whacked out of his mind on drugs.

Not that there was much of a difference…

At least with a zombie I could get away with killing it.

"Do you have a problem bud?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at him. He didn't have a ninja headband. Besides, I wouldn't be afraid of him even if he did.

The man stepped closer to me and pressed his index finger to his lips, still not looking at me. I was kind of freaked out, but something told me not to flip a shit on this guy.

I saw him reach into his pocket and pull something out of it. He showed it to me, still pressing his finger to his lips to tell me to be quiet.

My jaw dropped slightly as I recognized what he was holding.

It was my wristband.

I looked up at the guy in shock. He pointed up at the sky and suddenly it started to rain.

I frowned at the rain. It would start raining randomly like this.

However, something about this rain seemed different. As if there was someone with me in the rain besides the guy standing a few feet away from me. That's when it clicked.

"Pein." I whispered, looking up at the sky.

I saw the guy nod and he slipped my wristband back into his pocket.

Remaining ever silent, he stared at me, twitching and motioning in a random sequence. I caught on immediately, realizing that he was speaking in me and Pein's code.

"_We'll come and get you soon, Alice. Keep your affiliation with Akatsuki inconspicuous until the time comes. I'm sending one of us in to help you out. Leave the village tomorrow morning at the very latest and follow the member I'm sending in._" He said silently. "_Said member will arrive shortly._"

Ah translations!

I replied with a coded "_Yes my fearless leader_" and a bow before the guy nodded at me once more and walked away. The rain stopped a few minutes later.

I smiled up at the now clearing skies.

I'd be going home with my family soon.

Turning around and walking in the opposite direction, I silently came up with a different plan to get out of the village without anyone getting hurt with each and every member. I had no idea who he was going to send, so I silently considered each option.

I was ripped out of my thoughts as I ran headfirst into Kakashi.

He always pops up at the most convenient moments...

But hey, he's utterly badass so it's okay.

He caught me as I bounced off him and about fell. "Wow Alice. Are you alright?"

"Oh, yeah I'm fine. Sorry about bumping into you Kakashi. I was lost in thought." I said apologetically. "I didn't mean to."

He smiled at me kindly under his mask. "It's alright."

He's freaking adorable too.

Okay, back to reality Alice.

Once I was done mentally hugging the shit out of Kakashi's adorableness I noticed Sakura was with him.

"Hey Sakura." I said with a smile.

She grinned at me. "Hey Alice. Do you want to come with me and Kakashi-sensei to go and eat out with the others for Tsunade-sama's birthday?" She wondered.

"Sure." I said. I had said happy birthday to her earlier. She was surprised I knew so instead of going through the giant explanation of my "ability" I just told her I asked around. She believed me. I actually knew all of their birthdays.

"We're going to meet everyone by the restaurant we ate at a few days ago. It's Hokage-sama's favorite. Shizune is going to bring her when we're all there." Kakashi informed me. "Let's get going."

We had just made it to the restaurant with everyone else and their brother when Shizune brought Tsunade onto the main street from an intersecting one.

It was around the time they made it to our massive group when my life got both complicated and awesome at the same time.

"ALICE!" A high-pitched squeal sounded from towards the entrance of the village. I looked in the direction of the shouter to see Kathryn sprinting at me at full speed.

"Kathryn?" I said in a confused tone, raising my eyebrow in confusion and excitement at the same time.

She squealed happily when she tackled me head on. I caught her full momentum and was knocked back a few feet but I awesomely didn't fall. She latched onto me, hugging the life out of me while I kind of just stood there in confusion, holding her.

Pein sent Kathryn?

_Kathryn?_

Of all people to send, why in the hell would anyone in their right mind send Kathryn for something as serious as this?

But Jashin was I happy to see her.

"Alice I missed you so much!" Kathryn squeaked in my ear.

I patted her. "I missed you too you nutcase. But was tackling me really necessary?"

She released me to look me over. She smiled after a minute of looking over my entire body. "Why yes it was."

I sighed. "Fair enough." I smirked at her.

Kiba, Neji, Sakura, and Kakashi were suddenly in the picture, looking at Kathryn curiously. "Who is this Alice?" Kakashi asked.

Kathryn turned her attention to him and latched onto me as soon as she realized who he was. "Oh he is _so cute_ Alice!"

I sighed and smacked my forehead. "Shut up Kathryn."

She pouted before she got over my scolding and smirked at Kakashi.

"This is my younger sister Kathryn." I lied. Kathryn took it all in stride. She knew I was the thinker so she would follow my plan to the T.

"Your sister?" Sakura asked. She looked shocked.

I nodded. "Trust me Sakura; I'm surprised to see her too. She must have left Ohio to come and find me."

Kathryn nodded proudly. "Yep. All by myself." She hugged me. "I missed my Alice."

Lee appeared on the scene, greeting Kathryn enthusiastically. "Hello Kathryn-san. I am Rock Lee!"

"That's right Lee! The youthfulness of these young kids brings me joy!" Gai said proudly. I could tell Kathryn was fighting a jaw drop.

She looked at me. "He's _so_ awesome!" She bounced. "I love him already!" She grinned at Lee and hugged him. "Can we keep him?"

I sighed. I had missed this? That must have been a lapse of intelligence on my part. "No Kathryn, we cannot keep Lee. Let him go."

She pouted but released him. "I'm very sorry Mr. Green-bean." I smacked my forehead.

"Uh, I'm going to take Kathryn aside and talk to her for a bit. You guys go ahead without me." I suggested.

"Are you sure?" Kiba asked. Hello Mr. Reluctant tone.

"Yeah. It's Tsunade's birthday. You guys go and eat. I'm going to talk to Kathryn for a while." I nodded. "I'll be fine. I promise."

Kathryn hopped up and down. "Where is Tsunade?"

"She's right there." I sighed, pointing at her. I grabbed the back of her shirt as she made to go and tackle the Hokage. "She will not appreciate a happy birthday tackle from you, Kathryn." I looked at Tsunade. "You're lucky I caught her. She was seconds away from attacking you with affection. She is a very friendly and loving person. But she means no harm. She's actually an extreme pacifist." I looked back at Kathryn. "Keep your hands to yourself."

Kathryn stuck out her lower lip in a pout. "Fine. Happy Birthday Tsunade!"

She looked thoroughly disturbed. "Thanks." Kakashi chuckled at Kathryn's enthusiasm.

"He's just precious!" She giggled staring at him. I sighed, shaking my head at her antics.

"Is she always like that?" Choji asked.

"Damn straight." She smirked.

I nodded. "Yes. She is. Just ignore her. That's what I do."

"Hey! That's mean!" She said sadly.

"Yeah whatever. Come here so I can talk to you. You can attack them with love later." I sighed, dragging her away from the restaurant. I watched the others shrug and enter the building before addressing Kathryn. "How the hell am I supposed to get us out of the village if you come barging in here like that?"

She smiled.

"Honestly. What was Pein thinking? Sending you in here?" I sighed and shook my head. "Well, I have everything I came in here with. I think now would be as good a time as ever."

She looked at me. "Good. Because I want to get to our check point before I forget where it is." She grabbed my hand. "Come on. Everyone misses you so much."

I smiled and held her hand, hurrying to the exit of the village.

I wanted my dears.

I didn't notice however, that we were being watched.

I didn't account for that.

* * *

_Don't you worry Alice, no one ever does._

_Are we glad Alice is going home? I am._

_Hooray for the code._

Answer to last chapter:_ My favorite anime is actually Bleach. I just think that the Akatsuki are easier to write about though I hope to write a Fanfiction about Bleach eventually. My second favorite is Naruto obviously. Third... probably a tie between FMA and Kuroshitsuji. There are so many good shows and manga out there though that it's hard to pick..._

_Anyways_

**QotC:** _What do you guys think about Brett and Louis? If you don't recall, they're Alice's old house-buddies.  
_

_If any of you guys are still having trouble uploading your stories, simply change the word "properties" in the URL of the Error Type 2 thing to "Content" and then you'll be able to post updates. You can google a solution of you ain't picking up what I'm putting down._

_See ya!  
_


	14. Chapter 14

_Chapter 14._

_Kinda lame, but hey, what can you do when you're sick?  
_

_As always, these disclaimer things are so annoying._

_I hate admitting that I don't own the Akatsuki._

_It's like a swift kick to the face._

_Enjoy my lovelies.  
_

* * *

"So who is stop number one?" I asked.

She grinned happily, swinging our hands together in between us. "Dei and Danna of course!" I could tell she was going to be excited to see them again, even though she's probably been latched to them all hours of the day. She was so lovable. It was cute. "By the way, that code you have with Pein is so confusing. I was trying to decipher what he was telling you, but I got lost after the third nod."

"Two things." I said calmly. "One: don't try and use big words while walking Kathryn. You might choke. Two: you're not smart enough to understand our code. No one except for Pein and I could possibly understand it."

She rolled her eyes. "Well he _should_ be waiting for you with the others. Everyone came to get you back Alice. We all wanted to get you as soon as possible."

"Good. I miss them. All of them." I sighed, squeezing her hand. "I missed you too, Kat."

She smiled at me and hugged me. "Don't leave me anymore okay? I had Alice withdraws."

"That sounds good to me." I smiled. "How much longer will it take until we reach Deidara and Sasori?" I questioned.

"You reached us quicker than we expected, un." A familiar voice said from above me. Deidara dropped down from a tree just as Sasori appeared from the shadows.

"I appreciate you not making me wait." Sasori said calmly.

Anything for _you_ Sasori.

Impatient puppet.

"Hey guys." I said with a smile. "Jashin have I missed you guys." I latched into Sasori. "I missed my sarcastic puppet and my idiot terrorist very much."

Deidara chuckled along with me and Kathryn's giggling as Sasori rolled his eyes at me latching on to him. "We missed you too, Alice un."

Sasori glanced at me. "I didn't miss you."

"Liar." Kathryn coughed. Sasori glared at her.

I hugged Sasori tighter. "Oh I missed you too, Danna. Very much so. I was like a little emo kid in the corner without you there to fill my life with excessive sarcasm!"

He finally chuckled and patted my head. "I'm glad you finally see reason, Alice."

"I learned from the best." I assured him. "So, where to now?"

Deidara looked at the sky. "We go and meet up with the others. They aren't far, un."

"Well then, lead the way Mr. Puppet and Mr. Terrorist." I said with a smile, pointing in some random direction. I yelped when Sasori picked me up suddenly as Deidara lifted Kathryn into his arms. Both ninjas shot into the woods a second later.

We reached the others about a good fifteen minutes of badass-ninja-running/jumping-through-trees. It was intense. I already had Sasori threatening to drop me by the time we found the rest of the Akatsuki.

As soon as Sasori let me go, I latched onto Itachi. "My weasel." I whispered, nuzzling his chest and hugging the shit out of him. If he was anyone other than a badass ninja, I think I might have broken him with the intensity of my hugs by now.

"Alice." He said quietly, returning my embrace and burying his face into my hair. Jashin I missed this guy. Even being in the same vicinity with him is soothing. Nothing about Itachi could possibly make me feel less than perfectly happy.

I frowned as I felt something fucking with my wrist. Reluctantly pulling away from Itachi I looked around him to see Kisame doing something to me. He saw me raising my eyebrow at him and grinned. He released my arm to show me that he had replaced my wristband.

"Thanks Kisame." I said, smiling at him. "I kind of missed this thing."

He smirked and rumpled my hair as I hugged him. "Don't mention it kiddo."

"Speaking of my wristband, where are Pein and Konan?" I wondered. I wanted to praise him for using our code for a situation as serious as this.

"They left when Pein was sure Sasori and Deidara had you." Itachi informed me, pulling me closer to his person. I didn't complain. I rather enjoyed it.

"So where did Zetsu and Tobi go?" I asked, looking around for that lollipop of joy and fun, as well as the amazingly awesome flytrap of cannibalism and amusing skitz-arguments.

"Pein had another mission for them." Hidan explained, rubbing the back of his head boredly. He totally wasn't entertained by this situation. He needs more blood, gore, and violence to be the crazy happy Hidan we all know and love.

Well at least _I_ love him.

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed at me and at first I thought he read my thoughts. But that was before he turned his glare to Sasori and Deidara. "You were followed. How did you not notice them beforehand? Alice and Kathryn at least have an excuse of not being ninja!"

Itachi picked me up and dodged some kunai that flew out of the veil of trees. His Sharingan flared as he glared at our enemies.

Kiba, Hinata, Neji, Lee, and Tenten were the ones who emerged from the trees to confront the Akatsuki.

Hidan snickered evilly at them and brandished his scythe.

"It looks like Jashin-sama is going to get some mother-fucking sacrifices tonight." Hidan cackled. He had the typical look in his eyes that told me shit was about to go down.

My eyes widened as I realized that he was probably going to kill them. That would _not_ be good. I broke away from Itachi and grabbed Hidan's hand, holding him still.

"Hidan, no. No killing." I scolded.

He glared at me. "What the fuck do you mean no killing?"

"I mean exactly that. You cannot kill them. I'll talk to them and then we can go home. You are not allowed to hurt any of them." I said firmly. "Please?" I gave him my pouting, begging face that I knew worked on him when he was in a good mood.

I know. I was surprised anything worked on this guy to sway him from killing people. But something about me making the puppy-dog eyes and a pouting lip mixed with begging worked. I honestly thought something was intensely wrong with him when it worked the first time I tried it.

Hell, I even checked his temperature and went on a rant about how Hidan was sick and was going to die from his new sickness.

Kakuzu told me I was a certified idiot.

Jerk…

His glare intensified. "Whatever you bitch."

I hugged him, seeing that he was going to listen to me. "Thank you Hidan."

"You owe me." He growled, returning the gesture slightly.

"And I will repay in full." I promised. Itachi was at my side instantly as I took a step closer to the Konoha Shinobi. He wrapped his arm around my waist to make sure I stayed as close to him as possible just in case.

"Guys, go back to Konoha. You don't stand a chance against these ninja." I said seriously. "Trust me. Just turn around and go back."

"Alice, they're the Akatsuki!" Kiba barked. "They're murderers and criminals! We can't just let you get taken by them!"

I sighed. "Kiba, these guys are my family." I gestured at Itachi. "Believe it or not. They may be dangerous, but they'd never hurt me."

Neji looked like he didn't believe me. "Alice, they kill people for a living. How do you expect us to believe that? You're nothing to people like them."

I frowned at him. "Now that's rude. They're people too you know. They're just asked to do mean things." I crossed my arms. "They're actually really good people."

"Fuck that." Hidan muttered. I hid a smile.

"I know who they are and what they do. However, those facts don't bother me. I promised you guys I'd never hurt you and right now I am trying to do just that. If you insist on fighting them, I won't be able to stop them. Most of them are very protective over Kathryn and I." I informed them. Itachi and Deidara's protective embraces on Kathryn and I were proof.

"I just fucking want sacrifices." Hidan grumbled.

I smiled. "Look. I know this may seem bad and it may seem like I lied to you, but believe me when I say I didn't. I told you guys the truth about me. I just neglected to mention I live with the Akatsuki." I saw Sasori adjust himself into an offensive stance. I had to do this quickly.

Someone was going to get hurt if I didn't separate these ninja soon.

"But Alice, they might just be lying to you!" Lee proclaimed.

I shrugged. "They do a damn good job of doing it then." I squeezed Itachi. "They're my family, Lee. Just do me this one favor and go back to the village. Some of them are getting rather irritated with standing around here. I promise we'll see each other again someday. Hopefully it'll be on better terms though."

"You could have betrayed us to get information for the Akatsuki. We can't let you leave." Neji said firmly. Okay, he was starting to get really annoying.

"Neji, I know more about you guys than you think. I knew about you guys before I even came to the village. My abilities should have told you that much. Trust me, if they wanted information on Konoha, they wouldn't even have bothered sending me. The only reason I came to Konoha is because Kakashi found me and I wanted to avoid suspicion." I sighed.

"And that is exactly why we can't just let you go." A new voice added from the shadows of the trees. I mentally throttled myself for not thinking about him showing up as I recognized the speaker.

Kakashi and all his awesomeness slipped through the trees to stand before the Akatsuki. He crossed his arms and stopped beside Neji. "Alice, would you care to explain this?"

I smiled. "It's actually a really long story and I'm fairly certain you wouldn't believe me at all." I noticed all of the Akatsuki tensed at Kakashi's arrival.

They totally were going to kill him.

"Try me." He said calmly.

Sasori clicked his tongue in annoyance. "I don't have the patience for this. Just let us kill them Alice."

"No." I said firmly, glaring at Sasori. "You aren't allowed to hurt them. Just let me talk to them. Please wait just a bit longer. I'll make it up to you. I promise."

His eyes narrowed at me. "Somehow I doubt that brat."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up ya damn puppet." I looked back at Kakashi. "Look, go back to the village. You'll only die if you challenge them here."

"She's right you know." Itachi stated. "None of you are going to be a challenge for any of us." He looked down at me. "She is trying to protect you. Heed her words and return to the village. We will let you return unharmed because Alice cares for you."

"So go now, before we change our minds." Sasori growled. "She is the only reason we haven't already killed you. Listen to her."

"Guys, maybe we _should_ listen to Alice." Tenten proposed.

Kakashi frowned. "So when you said you lived in the forest by yourself?"

"I lied." I sighed. "I was with Itachi and Kisame at the time. We were going home but you Konoha Shinobi caught up with us so Itachi hid me so I would be safe. I had to act like I didn't know who they were because obviously, you all hate the Akatsuki."

"They're after Naruto." Kiba stated. "How could we not hate them?"

I rolled my eyes again. "Well besides the fact that you don't even _know_ them enough to have a righteous judgment on them, they're also not here for Naruto. I know he is out with Jiraiya. They were here for me and me only."

"How did you meet them Alice?" Kakashi asked. "Itachi is a master at Genjutsu and you could be under his control."

Itachi's eyes narrowed. He would never do something like that to me and the thought that someone would accuse him of that obviously made him angry. "You know nothing, Kakashi."

I patted his chest. "It's okay Itachi, he's just being cautious." I looked to Kakashi. "I met them when they needed my help. I took them in and cared for them, shit happened and I joined the family." I gestured over my shoulder. "Would people who care nothing for me really be positioned protectively around me and Kathryn? Would they actually listen to my request of not killing you guys?"

"I'm actually surprised Hidan did." Kathryn said with a giggle.

I looked back at her. "I am too actually." I looked at Hidan. "You will receive a reward for being a good boy Hidan."

"Don't fucking treat me like a dog you crazy bitch." He growled. "Hurry the fuck up because I'm getting sick of standing here listening to this bullshit. Just let me kill the heathen bastards and then we can go the fuck home."

"So many curse words…" I sighed. I shook my head and looked back at the Konoha ninjas. "Please Kakashi, go back to the village. I don't want you guys to fight each other because all of you will die. You can't take them all on together."

"Alice, hurry this up." Kakuzu growled. "Or we will have to."

"You hold too much information." Kakashi told me.

Kisame elbowed me gently. "Why can't we kill them?"

"You can't kill them because it will be detrimental to the story line Kisame." I hissed. "I would explain it to them but I'm trying to hurry this up so the more short tempered members don't snap and destroy everyone."

Itachi kissed the side of my head. "You will have to be more forceful then, Alice."

I frowned. "Go back to the village." I pointed in its direction. "Please go."

Kakashi shook his head. "Alice, we cannot do that."

"Do you want to fucking die you dumbass?" I snarled. "If so, come over here and give Hidan a hug because he'll cut your damned head right off."

Hidan snickered. "Hell yeah."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Her mood swings give me whiplash."

Deidara chuckled. "That's Alice for you, un."

They looked shocked by my outburst, but I didn't care, I wanted them to go before they died by the hands of some pissed off murderers.

"Alice, do you know who these people are?" Kakashi demanded. "The one with his arm around you killed his entire clan in a single night."

I sighed and looked at Itachi. "Is he really asking me if I know about you?"

Itachi chuckled and looked at me with gentle eyes. "I suppose he is."

I looked back at Kakashi. "Don't get me started on my knowledge about these morons." I gestured over my shoulder at the guys and Kathryn. "I know just as much about them as I do about you guys."

Lee gave me what appeared to be a pouting face. "Alice! Come back with us!"

I sighed. "Honestly… for the love of Jashin and all his creation…" My patience was growing thin. "Go back to that damn village before I throw you back! I am not kidding when I tell you they _will kill you_ if you engage them in a fight. You wouldn't last a second against any of them! So get going before I make you."

Everyone in the clearing looked surprised by my most recent outburst.

Well, except for Kathryn. She knew me better than anyone.

"My patience is gone." I snapped. "Use the brains I know you have and realize that fighting the Akatsuki would be the stupidest move you could possibly make. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Now turn around and go back."

Kathryn snickered. "Alice hates stupid people. She's angry."

"I'll say, un." Deidara chuckled. Sasori, Kakuzu, and Hidan did as well.

Kisame rumpled my hair with a grin. "You're so feisty." Itachi just kissed the side of my head in response.

"It's not that easy, Alice." Kakashi said firmly.

"Yes it is that fucking easy you dumbass." I glared. "Turn your ass around and run back to that damn village before I let them kick your asses." I sighed. "I would rather do just about anything to keep them from hurting you, but Jashin damn it if you don't heed my warning then it's your own damn fault."

"Alice is right." Hinata said finally. "Let's go back to the village."

Tenten raised her eyebrows. "How do we explain Alice's absence?"

"We'll just tell the others she left the village with her sister. It's true enough." Kiba stated with a reluctant shrug. Akamaru barked loudly.

I sighed. "It's about damn time. I told you, you should be more assertive Hinata."

She smiled at me. "Good bye Alice."

"See you guys. Take care of yourselves." I said with a lazy wave. The others stared after me for a moment before muttering their goodbyes and turning around to go back to the village. Kakashi remained where he stood.

"Look Kakashi, I'm sorry for being mean, but I really don't want anything bad to happen to you guys, and most of the Akatsuki aren't known for their patience." I threw a meaningful look at Sasori who just flipped me off without even looking at me.

He sighed. "Fine. Hopefully we will meet again when the situation is not so hostile. You were fun to be around Alice. It will be a lot quieter without you around."

"Oh he has no idea." Kisame snickered.

"He's delusional." Sasori scoffed. "You're a little pain in the ass."

"Love you too Sasori." I sighed. I looked back at Kakashi. "Bye Kakashi. Take care of yourself and the others okay?"

He nodded and smiled at me beneath his mask before taking off towards the village.

I smiled once they were all gone and the present Akatsuki members relaxed. "Sorry about my flip out, guys." I hugged Itachi. "Jashin I missed you all."

Hidan smirked at me. "Good to fucking see you've accepted Jashin-sama as your god."

I scoffed and slipped away from Itachi to hug Hidan. "Hidan my dear, Jashin is the only god for me." I smiled when he chuckled at me. "Thanks to you, I'm a fellow Jashinist now. Though, I'm not going to get all into it."

He shrugged. "Not everyone can be as fucking devoted to Him as I am."

"Thank god." Kakuzu muttered. Thank Jashin Hidan didn't hear him or else he'd go off on one of his rants.

"Exactly." I agreed. I moved back to Itachi. "Itachi is the god of sexiness- I mean what?"

Itachi chuckled and kissed the top of my head. "Let's go home Alice."

I sighed with relief as he said that. "Home with the Akatsuki…" I grinned. "Sounds fun."

* * *

_You guys give me too much credit._

_In your reviews and stuff you guys were saying really intense and possibly cool happenings._

_I'm not that cool or creative guys. Lol, Kakashi wasn't even originally going to be in this._

_But I added him in because I love him._

Answer to last chapter_: I like Brett and Louis's characters because they are modeled after two of my friends who are exactly like them. Sure Louis doesn't walk around with a gun, but that's because he isn't allowed to have one because of his lack of mental stability. And Brett is ten times more perverted._

_As you can see, I'm running out of questions which is bad because this is going to be really long..._

**QotC:** _What is your favorite Fanfiction you've ever read? And don't say this one unless it's actually the truth. If it is, well then awesome. If not, then still awesome:)_

_One more thing I want to address: Some of you, both in messages on here, reviews, and a few messages to my DA account and stuff asked for a lemon/lime between Alice and Itachi, and one was for Kathryn and Deidara. I want you to know that I'm considering it. It will not be posted in this story because that doesn't fly with me, but I suppose a oneshot or whatever will be doable. Never done one before, and it probably won't be good because I hate serious situations. Even in my own life. And I can just image Alice being sarcastic and shit with Itachi while they're doing their thing..._

_But if you want one, don't be embarassed to ask or anything, I like knowing your opinions and I do my best to please you because I'm an easy whore. In a manner of speaking. I actually have good morals._

_Anyways, let me know what you think. And you don't have to read it if I decide to do one. So don't get pissy._

_Btw, my dog is freaking adorable. I want all of you to know that._

_Toodles.  
_


	15. Chapter 15

_Finally, someone agrees with me that this is going a little slow._

_But don't worry, things will be starting to move quicker once I clear some shit up._

_I have a lot going down right now in my personal life so I'm just trying to get everything done._

_Bear with me for a bit people. I apologize for the shittiness that is my work._

_Anyways, I don't own Naruto._

_So enjoy.  
_

* * *

My eyebrow twitched in irritation.

I was going to kill someone. Brutally.

"If they come down this hallway, I'm killing them." Itachi grumbled, burying his face into my hair to delay waking up.

I smiled tiredly and sighed. "I'll help."

"STOP FUCKING MAKING EXLOSIONS DEIDARA!" Hidan yelled.

"ART IS AN EXPLOSION!" Deidara shouted. A loud boom sounded a second later.

Even being in a new base, nothing fucking changed.

AT ALL!

My tolerance level snapped. "Alright, that is fucking it. I'm going to kill him." I wiggled out of Itachi's arms and rolled off the bed ungracefully. I marched to the door and threw it open before stalking down the hallway towards Deidara's room.

I ignored the smoke filling the living room as I passed it and reached Deidara's room. I kicked his door open. "Alright you little fucking shit, you woke me up. It's time to die."

"NO!" Kathryn's voice said shrilly from somewhere in the room. That was the only warning I had before she jumped on my back and started softly hitting me. Deidara was standing in the middle of the room looking terrified of either my murderous aura or Kathryn's behavior.

"OFF!" I barked, grabbing her by her shirt and throwing her over my shoulder. She hit the ground with a light thud. Once free of the first idiotic burden, I turned to the second. "Deidara, if you blow up one more damn thing, on any morning while I'm still sleeping, I swear to Jashin I'll kill you."

He nodded as he hid behind Kathryn when she got up to protect him from me.

"If you don't think I'll be able to accomplish it, I'll get Hidan and Itachi to help me." I snapped. "Do not piss me off when I'm tired."

"Sorry Alice, un." He muttered, hugging Kathryn as if she was going to protect him. I glared a second longer before turning around and stalking back to my room. I shuffled to the bed when I made it back and threw myself on the mattress before rolling over to Itachi and cuddling with him. He responded willingly.

"Bed time." I muttered.

He chuckled tiredly and hugged me before going silent.

A moment later he sighed. "I can't fall asleep."

I sighed too. "Yeah, me neither."

"I am content with this situation though." He told me, kissing my forehead.

"I agree." I agreed, kissing him. I could reach his lips without having to look down too far to do so.

"BREAKFAST!" Kisame called from the kitchen.

I pouted. "Damn it all."

Itachi rolled his eyes. "I think we should skip breakfast."

"I concur." I nodded in agreement, giving him a suggestive smirk.

"ALICE! DANNA IS PICKING ON ME!" Kathryn squealed.

My eyebrow twitched in irritation.

"GOOD!" I shouted back, turning my face away from Itachi and covering his ears so he didn't suffer from my yelling. He smiled at my methods.

I turned back to him. "Now where were we?"

He smirked and leaned in to kiss me.

"ALICE! STOP HAVING SEX WITH ITACHI AND COME AND EAT!" Kathryn shouted. I could hear Hidan, Kisame, and Deidara laughing.

"IT'S TOO LATE FOR YOUR COCK-BLOCKING!" I called back.

"USE PROTECTION!" Kisame hollered.

I smirked when Itachi sighed and rolled his eyes at his partner. "WE'RE OUT!"

The door was thrown open a second later. Kathryn barged in. "Don't take her innocence Itachi!" She paused when she saw us lying in each other's arms, partially/fully clothed and not having sex. "Awe! You guys are so cute!" I say partially because Itachi didn't have a shirt on.

"And you're ruining it." I grumbled. "And what the fuck do you mean innocence?"

"Well then get up and come eat breakfast with us." She grinned. "You guys can screw later." I smacked my forehead and Itachi shook his head in at her antics.

I looked at him. "We might as well. There is no way I'm going to be able to fall back asleep with these idiots roaming the base."

"I resent that comment!" Sasori called.

"I resent you!" I retorted. I heard him chuckle.

Itachi kissed my forehead. "Let's go."

I nodded and rolled out of bed. I grabbed Kathryn by her shirt and tossed her out of the room. "Out."

"But why?" She pouted.

"I need to change." I told her before shutting the door.

I changed quickly while Itachi kind of just lazed in the bed. He was much too lazy right now to actually get up and do anything. Plus he was super tired. It was so cute.

I looked around at him once I finished getting ready. He was lying on his stomach with his face in the pillow. His hair was down and covering the upper half of his back. To be honest, it was kind of sexy. But Itachi is always sexy so that's no surprise.

I ran my fingers gently through his silky black hair that made me super happy before kissing his head. "Come on my love."

He sighed and lifted his face out of the pillow. "Hn." He got off the bed sexily and grabbed my hand so I could lead him to the kitchen.

I led him to the table once we entered the room and he took a seat. I gathered him some breakfast while he just kind of sat at the table half asleep, oblivious to everything.

I set his plate in front of him and made to sit in the chair next to him but he pulled me onto his lap before I moved an inch. He sighed contently and rested his chin on my shoulder before picking tiredly at his food.

"He's so cute when he's tired." I said with a giggle, turning my head awkwardly to kiss his. He really was extremely adorable when he was tired.

Just like he is in every other situation…

Yes I realize I comment on Itachi's appearance **a lot**. But you're going to have to deal with it because I speak nothing but the truth and it is fucking true.

So bite me.

Kisame raised his eyebrow at me from beside Itachi and I. "He's more tired than usual." I shrugged my unoccupied shoulder and nibbled on a piece of toast or something close to it. I didn't know Japanese food except for the stuff you see on menus at restaurants in Ohio.

And the food in this base is even more questionable than the food at the other base.

Besides, Kisame made it.

I know him well enough to know that he just threw things together and hoped it was good enough for everyone else.

He is such a man.

"Itachi! You're not supposed to sit at the table without a shirt." Kathryn said, holding her finger in the air as if trying to make a point. "Some could find it offensive."

How _anyone_ find that sexiness offensive was beyond me…

It just wasn't possible in my eyes.

Itachi's eyes were all that moved as he gazed at her. He just stared at her, continuing to chew his food calmly and tiredly. She pouted under his glare and clutched onto Deidara. "Your weasel is crabby when he's tired."

I glared. "Leave him alone." I patted Itachi's face gently. He kissed my neck in response.

"What the fuck is up with Uchiha?" Hidan questioned, raising a silver eyebrow at me.

"He's tired." I said simply, half-shrugging at the Jashinist.

"From what?" He inquired.

I smirked. "That's none of your business."

Everyone's jaw dropped except for Kakuzu's and Sasori's who really didn't seem to care. They probably knew I phrased it like that to get a reaction from the more emotional members. Itachi was just tired from lack of a good night's sleep. Itachi chuckled quietly, smiling slightly.

"What?" Kisame asked in disbelief.

"Why do you think I said we're out?" I wondered, raising my eyebrow at him.

Kathryn frowned at me. "You whore."

I shrugged my shoulder that wasn't holding up a weasel. "I learned from the best."

"Danna?" Kathryn wondered. Sasori smacked her in the back of the head.

"Nope. Hidan." I said with a smirk, both at her pouting and Hidan's glare. I smiled after a second. "He's honestly just tired. He hasn't slept well since I've been gone. I had night terrors every night I was in Konoha. That's why I'm tired too. We didn't have sex or anything. Get your minds out of the gutters, perverts."

Kisame chucked and kissed the side of my head. Itachi's head was not in his path so the task was easy. "I thought you were joking. But you pulled that off well. I was almost fooled."

"I'm a natural." I said with a smirk. "That and Danna's been training with me."

Sasori raised his eyebrow at me. "Danna?"

"I'm too tired to even try and attempt to say your name right now." I informed him. "If I did, I'm sure it'd come out like gibberish."

He nodded. "I understand." Then he smirked. "That's why I always address him as brat. I'm too lazy to say his actual name, and he is a brat."

"I am not, Danna un." Deidara pouted.

Kathryn giggled. "So cute." She kissed Deidara's cheek before kissing Sasori's.

Hidan rested his chin on the table with a loud sigh. "I'm fucking bored."

"You're always bored, moron." Kakuzu deadpanned.

"Shut the hell up Kuzu." Hidan grumbled.

Kakuzu smacked him in the back of the head. "Don't call me that dumbass."

Hidan opened his mouth to retort but was cut off. "Shut the hell up." Itachi growled. "You're annoying me."

My eyes widened and I smiled hugely, holding back a laugh at his crankiness. Sasori chuckled and Kakuzu smirked under his mask. Kathryn buried her face into a gawking Deidara, trying to hide a laugh. Kisame snickered openly at his partner.

"Hey pussy Uchiha, why don't you pull that pole out of your ass and stop being a shithead." Hidan snapped, glaring at Itachi.

Itachi calmly moved his black orbs to glare at Hidan in return. "Try me, Hidan." His Sharingan flared menacingly an instant later. "I dare you."

"Okay, be nice." I intervened. "Hidan, shut up and leave Itachi alone. Itachi dear, be nice. I know you're tired but you can't kill people at the table just because they annoy you."

He sighed and deactivated his Sharingan. "Hn."

Hidan scoffed, resting his chin on the table again. "Stupid bitch."

I raised my eyebrow. "Excuse me? I just stopped him from kicking your ass Hidan and you call me a bitch. I'll let him take his frustration out on you. Don't test me this early in the morning _bitch_. I have ways to hurt you."

"Bring it." Hidan challenged, sitting up in his chair.

I picked up Itachi's knife and threw it at him. He managed to dodge it, but it did cut some of his hair. I actually have really good aim when I want to kill someone.

"You missed." He teased.

I gave Kisame a pout and he smirked knowingly before punching Hidan in the chest, sending him backwards in his seat.

"No I didn't." I said firmly. Kisame received a loving kiss of thanks on his cheek.

I have connections bitch.

He rolled away from his knocked over chair and jumped to his feet to glare at Kisame. "You asshole. Don't fucking help her!"

"Why wouldn't I?" Kisame wondered. Hidan had no response to this.

"You want more food Itachi?" I asked, seeing that he finished his plate.

He shook his head. "No. Just sleep."

"Then go back to bed. I'll cut out Hidan's vocal cords so his yelling doesn't bother you and I'll cut off Deidara's hands so he doesn't bow shit up."

"Hey un!" Deidara protested.

"Shut up Blondie." I said, flashing Deidara a smile.

Itachi smirked and kissed the side of my head. "It's fine. I won't be able to fall asleep anyways. I might as well be somewhat productive today."

"How are you doing that?" Kisame asked.

"I have to help Alice make sure that you guys don't kill each other." Itachi said calmly.

I pouted. "I feel like your guys' mother sometimes. With the exception of Kakuzu, Itachi, and Sasori it's like I'm babysitting and not getting paid."

Sasori smirked. "Sucks for you."

"Hey puppet, you have to deal with it too. You're partner is the worst one in the mornings. Kisame behaves very well. Hidan's one of the worst as well." I reminded him. "Kathryn is the worst all day. And she's basically your problem now. Deidara's your bitch and Kathryn's his making her yours as well."

"I thought I was your bitch." Kathryn said, tilting her head to the side.

"I sold you to Deidara. I needed him to do me a favor and you were payment of that favor even though he did it more than willingly." I informed her.

Kathryn raised her eyebrow. "What was the favor?"

"It was replacing Hidan's scythe with a clay duplicate that exploded." I said calmly. "That's why his room exploded when he was doing a ritual."

"That was you?" Hidan demanded, pointing dramatically at me.

I nodded. "Yep."

"Why didn't you realize it was her and Deidara before?" Kakuzu wondered, giving his partner a "you're an idiot" look. "Who else blows shit up?"

"He was knocked out shortly after it exploded." I stated.

"How?" Kisame wondered, chuckling.

I smirked. "Sasori was working on a new poison, and wanted to see how it would work airborne in an enclosed room. So, he asked me to think of a way to do it." I explained. "I thought of the explosion scythe thing. Hence needing Deidara to make a scythe shaped bomb to fool Hidan." I looked at Sasori. "Did it do as you wished? I never asked."

Sasori shrugged. "Had it not been Hidan, I think it would have killed anyone else."

"Why the fuck would you agree to something like that?" Hidan demanded, glaring at me. "And why the fuck did you decide on me?"

I smiled. "Four reasons." I held up one finger. "One: It gave me a chance to torture someone." I held up a second finger. "Two: Deidara and I had a shit load of fun doing it." Deidara laughed and agreed happily. I put up a third finger. "Three: Sasori asked me nicely." I held up the last and final finger in my listing. "Four: You acted like a huge dick to me the day before and I wanted the revenge I promised you I'd get."

"Fucking bitch." Hidan growled. "That hurt!"

"I'm sure it did." I nodded. "But aren't you glad you're immortal? Surviving Sasori's poison has increased my respect for you my dear fellow Jashinist."

"Don't fucking try to suck up to me." Hidan snapped.

I rolled my eyes. "I wouldn't dream of it Hidan."

Itachi squeezed me from behind and kissed the side of my neck. "Alice, I'm going to take a shower."

"Okay." I said with a smile. I got off his lap when he released me and let him up. He kissed my cheek before he left the kitchen, running a hand through his hair with a yawn.

Kathryn jumped to her feet. "Alice! Come! We need girl time!" I rolled my eyes but smiled at her enthusiasm.

"Alright." I agreed with a shrug. She grinned excitedly and skipped to the door. She waited for me to meet her there before grabbing my hand and pulling me from the kitchen.

I heard Hidan ask the others: "What do you think they're doing?" in a somewhat hushed voice. However, we were still like right outside the kitchen so it was fairly easy to hear him.

I allowed Kathryn to drag me through the new base. We went down extremely randomly placed hallways and up some stairs before she decided on a random room, pulling me into it.

"Is it necessary to come here for 'girl time' Kathryn?" I asked, taking a seat on a chair that was in the room.

She nodded with a smirk before sitting on the bed. "It was."

"Okay. So what did you want?" I asked.

"I need to discuss things with you." She told me. "It's important."

I dipped my head for her to proceed. "Shoot."

"What are we supposed to do for our transformations into werewolves?" Kathryn wondered. That was code for our menstrual cycle. That or "the reds are in town". The reds were a baseball team in Ohio. They were fairly decent… sometimes.

I rolled my eyes at her. "We'll ask Konan when the time comes."

She nodded with a loud "Oh!" as if I reminded her of Konan's existence.

"Is there anything else?" I wondered.

"Yeah." She said quietly. "What are we going to do about the deaths of the Akatsuki members?" She shuddered. "I don't think I could handle it if Deidara or Sasori died." I knew right then that Kathryn was serious. She never addressed Sasori by his actual name unless she was utterly serious.

"I've got a plan for all of them, Kathryn." I assured her. "I promise you that you won't lose Sasori or Deidara. Kakuzu, Hidan, Kisame, Konan, Pein, and Itachi won't leave us either."

She looked at me. "How do you intend on doing that?"

"I'll tell you when the time comes." I stated. "I'm still working on the possible bumps in the road. I've wanted to discuss it with Pein. Possibly Madara. I know both of them would be more than capable of keeping the guys from dying. Even themselves."

"Will Madara be okay about you possibly telling his secrets to Pein?" She asked.

"I wanted to talk to him alone." I clarified. "That may be an idiot move on my part, but I really don't think he'll hurt me if what I have to say is beneficial to him."

"That's true." Kathryn agreed. "What about the others?"

"I'll discuss it with them personally." I said with a shrug.

Kathryn looked down as if she was going to confess something to me. "I wish there were other ways to go about all this. I don't really want Gaara to get killed. But I'd rather keep my Dei and Danna than lose them for him."

"I've been trying to think of ways to save Gaara too. I've thought of a few. The only one I can't really prevent from dying is Asuma." I sighed. "I'll admit that it sucks that he dies, but it's kind of vital to the balance of this world that he dies. I mean, it makes Shikamaru emo and badass. Not to mention a load of other reasons."

"What about the deaths of Danna and Deidara?" Kathryn asked.

"I'm more than willing to risk the balance of the world for them." I said shortly. "All of them are more important to me than the damn storyline."

She grinned. "There's the Alice I know and love."

"Damn straight bitch." I smirked. "You know what?" I asked, something coming to mind.

I can't believe I hadn't been planning for this for forever and a day.

"What?" Kathryn wondered.

"Kakuzu's birthday is in 12 days." I grinned. "We need to plan something for him. It can't be anything expensive because he'll throw a bitch fit. So we need to do it from scratch without spending any money."

"What are we going to get him for presents?" Kathryn asked in horror.

I grinned. "Leave that to me."

* * *

_This chapter may seem a bit pointless, but it kind of foreshadows later chapters._

_But it's still kind of pointless..._

_Anways, back to Authors note..._

_It's storming like a bitch outside. I love it._

Answer to last chapter: _My favorite Fanfiction is _Scrumdidileeumptious _by BitterSweetCrimson. I love it. I also love _Child of War _by homesweethomicide13. If you haven't read them **READ THEM!** There are so many good ones out there. Attack my favorites, all of those are great. I read through all of the responses to last chapter's question and I read the ones you guys mention if I hadn't before. All of them were awesome too._

_So, I went to a specialist for my shoulder because my collar bone sticks out an inch further than my other one and my shoulder blade is like three inches further than my other one, and now they think I might have cancer in it. Weird place to have cancer... I know._

_But on a brighter note I got new pants. They're black. :) Because you all care and want to know.  
_

**QotC:** _What are your top three favorite movies? They can be animated, live action, musical, anything as long as they are movies. I'll answer next chapter like usual.  
_

_Well, have a nice life my lovelies. _

_See you next chapter._


	16. Chapter 16

_Here's chapter 16. Sorry it's a bit late._

_I've been up at Ohio State University all day._

_:/_

_Anywhozal, enjoy the chapter if at all possible._

_I don't own Naruto.  
_

* * *

Now that Kathryn and I were done with our girl talk, we ran into another problem.

We were currently standing outside of the room Kathryn had dragged me to, looking around in utter confusion. Neither of us knew where in the hell we were. Damn the Akatsuki for having an unnecessarily big base.

In other words, we were lost.

"You don't remember how to get out of here do you?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

She shook her head and smiled proudly. "Nope. Not a clue."

"Damn it Kathryn. You had to bring me all the way over here to talk about stupid things didn't you? Damn moron." I sighed, smacking myself in the forehead.

She pouted. "But I know how to find a way back." She grinned evilly.

I knew that grin.

And I hated everything it symbolized.

My eyes widened. "Don't you even _dare_, Kathryn Lynn!"

It was too late. I had enough time to cover my ears and that was all.

"DANNA!" Kathryn screamed as shrilly as she possibly could. Honestly, it sounded like someone was ripping her skin off and torturing her.

Why she screamed for Sasori, I'm not entirely sure.

But I certainly knew one thing.

Sasori was going to be _pissed_.

**Third Person!**

Sasori sighed, resting his chin on his palm while he propped his head up with his elbow. Deidara and Hidan were flicking food at each other now and Itachi had returned in a noticeably better mood. It was so much more boring without Alice and Kathryn with them.

He closed his eyes in annoyance when part of Hidan's food found its way to his shirt. Sasori's annoyance at the Jashinist didn't last long however. His eyes snapped open in horror a second later as a loud shill scream pierced the near silence of the base.

"DANNA!" Kathryn screamed. He and Deidara exchanged a worried look at the urgency in Kathryn's voice. Kisame, Itachi, Hidan, and Kakuzu looked shocked as well, realizing that Alice was with her as well. And if one was in trouble, _both_ girls were in trouble.

Sasori was on his feet in seconds. The other members were right on his tail as he sprinted through the base, trying to find Kathryn.

"What the hell is going on?" Hidan demanded, making sure his scythe was ready.

"I don't know." Sasori called over his shoulder. He sprinted up the stairs, searching for Kathryn and Alice's presence.

"They're two hallways over." Itachi stated, his Sharingan activated. He and Sasori charged forward with Deidara and Kisame coming up next. Kakuzu and Hidan brought up the rear. All six men were filled with worry.

**First Person Alice!**

I sighed at her methods. "You're such a dumbass. They're going to be pissed when they see nothing is wrong."

She shrugged. "But something is wrong. We're lost. I'm scared of being lost."

"Okay, but when Sasori kills you, I'm not helping." I told her, crossing my arms.

She smiled. "Danna won't kill me. Don't be mean; I just saved us from wandering around for the rest of our lives."

"Idiot." I sighed. I heard fast footsteps and looked in their direction to see all six present Akatsuki members sprint into the hallway.

I was instantly in Itachi's arms. He glared around, searching for the danger that wasn't there. His heart was beating extremely hard. Damn Kathryn for scaring him like that.

"Kathryn." Sasori said seriously. "What happened? Are you alright?"

She pouted and clung to Deidara who had pulled her into a hug the second he saw her. "I was scared. Alice and I got lost."

Sasori paused. "What?"

The mood of the area changed drastically within a second.

Sasori was so mad.

I rolled my eyes. "Dumbass over there got us lost, and her method of finding a way back was to scream and get you guys to come running. I told her you would be pissed. She doesn't realize how worked up you guys get. Fucking idiot."

Sasori turned around slowly from staring at me to glare at Kathryn. "You almost gave me a heart attack you idiot child!"

"I'm sorry Danna." Kathryn said sadly. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You couldn't have just called for us?" Sasori growled. "You had to scream as if you were being tortured?"

Deidara frowned at Sasori. "Danna, it's over and done with, un. Leave her alone, yeah."

"Shut up Brat, I'm angry." Sasori snapped.

Itachi sighed into my hair. "So you two really are okay, right?"

"Yeah. We're fine. Sorry about that Itachi, guys." I hugged my weasel. "Sasori, she really didn't mean to upset you."

Sasori glared. "That's doesn't change the fact that she did." He turned back to Kathryn. "If you ever do something like that again and it's not because you're being tortured or something, I'll lock you in a fucking iron maiden." He looked at Deidara before returning his attention to the girl he held. "And you won't be allowed to see anyone for a month."

Kathryn gawked. "Danna!"

"I mean it, Kathryn." Sasori snapped. "And that is the bare _minimum_ that I will do to you." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before turning around and stalking out of the hallway.

I looked at Kathryn. "I told you he would be pissed."

"Shut up Alice." Kathryn pouted. "Danna is mad at me."

I rolled my eyes. "Really? I couldn't tell."

Deidara kissed the top of her head. "It'll be okay, Kathryn. Danna was just really worried. We all were, un." He squeezed her and sighed in relief. "Don't do that anymore. I thought you and Alice were being kidnapped, un." He was scared too.

"You've got some fucking lungs, you skinny bitch." Hidan laughed.

Kakuzu sighed. "I'm too old for this." He ran a hand over his face before turning around and following after Sasori. Hidan shrugged and trailed after him, engaging him in a game of their usual insults and arguments over money and religion.

Ah typical Hidan and Kakuzu.

Kisame rumpled my hair. "I'm glad you kids are truly okay. I've rarely, if ever seen Sasori act like that. He must really care about you, Kathryn."

She stuck her lip out further and looked up at Deidara. "Dei, I wanna go apologize to Danna." She tugged on his shirt gently.

Deidara smiled at her. "Okay Kathryn, I'll take you to see Danna, un." He wrapped his arm around her waist and began leading her back towards the main part of the base. Back to their Danna.

I sighed and rubbed the back of my head. "So, what's up with you two?"

Itachi raised his eyebrow at me. "What were you and Kathryn doing all the way over here?" He looked around. "Nobody uses this part of the base anymore. Well Hidan does, but that's because he does his rituals over here so no one will bother him."

I rolled my eyes. "Kathryn wanted to talk to me privately so she dragged me all the way over here." He nodded in understanding.

"Hey guys, Kakuzu's birthday is soon." I told them. "Can we do something for him?"

Itachi smiled at me and kissed the side of my head. "Of course we can Alice. What did you have in mind?"

"Anything really. As long as it's nothing that's going to cost him money, I don't care." I said with a shrug. "You know he'd be pissy if it did."

"Ah." Itachi nodded. "Well we have some time. We'll think about it more as it approaches. For now, Kisame and I must go and train."

I dipped my head. "Okay. I'll come with you."

I followed them to the _underground_ training grounds. That's right; we had a damn basement at this base. Insert maniacal laughter here.

At Itachi's polite request I took a seat along the wall to watch them. It went by pretty quickly considering I was extremely interested in watching them train. It wasn't scary like watching them fight because I knew they wouldn't hurt each other.

But, while they were training, I took some time to contemplate on shit.

Firstly: Talking to Madara and Pein.

I wasn't particularly scared of Madara or anything. We had kind of an understanding of each other. I knew how the guy's mind works so I was aware of how to act and what to say so I didn't make him angry or irritate him. However, he's unpredictable and ultimately, a scary badass evil murder so I had to exercise caution with him even though I doubt he would hurt me.

Plus, if he did, his Tobi aura would probably be blown.

Pein would be easy. I wasn't worried about that at all. I love Pein and we both respected each other for our… abilities? I don't really have abilities, just knowledge. He does though. Anyways, Pein wouldn't be an issue. All I had to do was talk to him and arrange a time to go over stuff when he wasn't particularly busy.

Secondly: Planning.

I had to make sure I thought all of my plans through. Every detail had to be inspected. Basically I had to pull a Shikamaru. I also had to decide whether or not I should fake their deaths to keep the storyline on a roll, or if I should just kick the main cast in the teeth and tell them to suck on something.

So I had to make a plan for each option. Shouldn't be too hard with all the free time I have here. It's not like we _do_ anything.

We are all so lazy.

Three: Kakuzu's birthday.

What was I going to get him? And how was I going to get it? I may not look like much, but I could surprise some people with some of the sneaky tricks I had up my sleeve. Louis basically taught me how to become a low grade criminal. I wasn't Akatsuki level by any stretch of the imagination, but I was decent enough with my own crime committing abilities.

Kakuzu was going to get special treatment on that day regardless, and I would obviously make him anything and everything he wanted to eat. He'll I'd be his footrest if he wanted. I spoil the shit out of people I love on their birthdays.

Except for Kathryn. We have our own little agreement on that subject.

So basically, the only thing I had to worry about from this point on was the lives of my loved ones, Kakuzu's birthday, and talking to two men who were the leaders of a bunch of murdering criminals.

That's nothing I can't handle.

I'm Alice, bitch.

Back to reality: Itachi and Kisame's training.

They ended their training with Itachi stopping his crow clone assault on Kisame. I jumped to my feet, realizing they were finished.

"Itachi! Wait! Don't dispel your clones yet!" I called. He paused in doing so to look at me with curiosity as I hurried over to him.

He raised his eyebrows at me along with Kisame as I made it to them.

"I need to do something. I need your clones to do it." I told him.

"Very well." He said with uncertainty in his voice.

I grinned at him and kissed his cheek before grabbing him and positioning him. I did the same with the other four clones he had created until they were in a circle surrounding me. I looked at Kisame once my circle of hotness was created. He was already grinning at me.

He knew me so well.

"I'm surrounded by sexy Itachi's. My life is complete." I said contently, hugging myself. Kisame started laughing at me when Itachi cocked his head to question my sanity.

He started chuckling after a minute and his clones disappeared. I pouted sadly before the real Itachi wrapped his arms around me with an utterly content smile on his face. He kissed my forehead and then my lips.

"I love you Alice." He told me.

"I love you too Itachi." I informed him, resting my forehead on his chest after kissing him back. I was more than pleased with this situation.

**Third Person!**

Kathryn crept into Sasori's room after she assured Deidara she would be fine. Her Danna was sitting at his workbench, staring blankly at the joint of a puppet in his hand.

"Danna." Kathryn said quietly, tiptoeing to his workbench.

Sasori's eyes narrowed before he shot her a glare over his shoulder. "What do you want, brat? I'm busy."

Kathryn stuck out her lower lip in a pout. "I'm sorry Danna." She stopped a foot away from him when she reached him. "I really am."

Sasori glared at her. "Sorry doesn't solve everything."

"I didn't mean to scare you Danna. It was a mistake on my part and I understand you're mad at me, but I really am sorry that I worried you. I didn't want to upset you. I did it without thinking."

"Obviously." Sasori snapped, looking away from her. "Go back to Deidara. I'm busy."

Kathryn looked down; her chest went heavy with Sasori's tone. "I'm sorry Sasori."

Sasori looked up at Kathryn's address, the anger in his eyes gone. Both her tone and the fact that she addressed him by his actual name startled him. She looked like she was going to cry.

Sasori sighed. "It's fine. Go back to the brat."

Kathryn accidentally allowed an apologetic tear to fall when she looked up at Sasori. The puppet master took note of this.

"Look kid, what you did was stupid and it pissed me off, but I'm not mad at you anymore. It's fine. It's nothing to get so upset about." Sasori said calmly, setting down the puppet joint and turning on the bench to look at Kathryn.

Kathryn shook her head. "I don't want you to be mad at me Danna. I'm so very sorry."

Sasori sighed again. "Come here." Kathryn walked the last foot between them to stand beside Sasori. He pulled her onto his lap and into a hug, something that he rarely ever did. "I'm not mad at you anymore Kathryn. You just scared me."

"I'm sorry." Kathryn said, latching onto her Danna.

"It's fine. But I swear if you ever do something that stupid again, I will hurt you." Sasori growled, getting back into his usual character.

Kathryn gave him a serious look. "I swear I won't do it again unless it's an emergency and life threatening. I promise you Danna. I don't want to scare you or Dei like that again."

Sasori nodded. "Good. I can handle that. Now go back to the brat. I'm working."

Kathryn hugged him tighter and kissed his cheek. "I love you Danna."

"I know." Sasori said, patting her head gently. "Go on."

She hopped away from him obediently and skipped to the door separating her and Deidara's room from Sasori's. "Have fun making your art Danna."

"Get out." Sasori sighed. Kathryn giggled at his tone before obeying.

Sasori rolled his eyes when the door shut behind Kathryn. "Smug little brat."

* * *

_Kathryn's getting some love._

_And this chapter does have a purpose! It's not just here for funzies._

_It gives you a little insight on what is going on in Alice town. Also, a bit of foreshadowing happening._

_:( Yes, I know it's going at a slow pace and I'm sorry. I'm trying to speed it up, but I don't want to rush anything. Plus, I've got a lot of shit on my plate right now._

_Oh! Ew! I saw the guy who Adam was modeled after at the mall yesterday. If I hadn't been with like five other guys, he probably would have mugged me..._

_With his penis..._

_Hahaha too much information and nasty mental images!  
_

_On a good note, I don't have cancer:). However, they now have no fucking clue what's wrong with my shoulder._

_Back to square 1. Again._

_This has been going on for the better portion of four years._

_Yeah, doctors suck. I've seen three specialists. None of them know what they're doing._

_Not so special are they?  
_

Answer to last chapter:_ My three favorite movies are all of the Lord of The Rings, Star Wars, and Harry Potter's. Not to sure on which is number one and such but I know they are my favies. Animated movies... Probably Advent Children, Balto because I love wolves/dogs, and... I don't know; Bleach: Fade To Black? All I do is watch movies and anime, read, and write. I'm a loser._

_I'm starting to run out of shit to talk about..._

_BTW: You guys all watch freaking awesome movies. I read through the reviews and stuff and I've seen all of the movies mentions and I have to say, I'm impressed by the variety. Good work kiddies._

_Kudos to you.  
_

_My dogs are snoring. In unison..._

**QotC:**_ What are your top three favorite bands/musicians? Let me know:]__  
_

_Bye sweeties:D_


	17. Chapter 17

_Holy _shit_ you guys are **awesome.**_

_200+ reviews in 17 chapters?_

_I love you all. Seriously._

_Thanks so much for all of the reviews and stuff._

_However, I still don't own Naruto._

_Enjoy my dears  
_

* * *

You wanna know what's really comfortable?

Kisame.

Currently he was laying on his stomach on the largest of the three couches in the living room. I was lying on my stomach on top of him, utterly content with our situation. It wasn't suggestive for two reasons.

One: He's gigantic to the point where any suggestive parts of my body weren't touching any of his suggestive parts. I was basically only on his back. Two: Though I found him excessively adorable and incredible in every way, I wasn't "attracted" to him like I was Itachi. I loved him with my entire soul, but I wasn't in love with him. It was a different kind of love.

Anyways.

I was playing with my phone and Kisame's hair. We had no service or anything so it was kind of pointless for me to be playing with it, but I was holding onto the shred of hope that possibly we could pick up service or at least internet in this world.

Being deprived of anime was harder than I thought.

"What are you two doing?" Sasori asked with a raised eyebrow as he and Kakuzu entered the living room.

Kisame and I both looked up at being addressed by the puppet.

"Laying here." I told him with a shrug before returning to my task of running my fingers through Kisame's hair and fucking with my phone.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Obviously. But why are you on top of him?"

Kisame shrugged beneath me. "I've honestly stopped questioning what Alice does. Besides, it's not like she's bothering me. Quite the opposite, in fact."

"You're sweet Kisame." I told him. "I love you." I looked away from my phone to the two men standing in the doorway. "Kisame is extremely comfortable."

"I love you too Alice." He informed me. He looked to Sasori and Kakuzu. "What are you two doing?"

Sasori sighed. "I'm looking for the female brat. She stole a bag of my tools to try and get me out of my room. I was working on my art but apparently it's unacceptable."

I snickered.

"I'm just coming in here to sit." Kakuzu informed us. He showed Kisame and me a book before lounging on one of the other couches.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Have you seen Kathryn?"

I shook my head, still not looking at him. "Not since breakfast this morning. Look for Deidara. She's probably with him. If not, search for Tobi or Hidan. Quite possibly Zetsu, they've been growing closer since we've arrived." I glanced at him. "It's not my day to watch her."

"What are you doing to your phone?" Sasori wondered, noticing my lack of sarcastic comments and eye contact. I always make it my business to have direct eye contact with whoever I address. It was polite, after all.

I had my reasons for not doing it today.

And Sasori being the overly perceptive person he is, would totally notice what I was trying to hide.

Though I think he noticed something was up anyways.

I looked away from my cellular to him. "I'm trying to get the internet on it. If I can, I will be able to watch anime. _That_ and I'll be a pleased banana."

Sasori stared at me for a minute, silently wondering if I was insane. After a moment, he obviously decided I was because he sighed and shook his head at my antics before leaving the room. I snickered at his behavior, returning my attention to my phone.

"So where is Itachi?" Kakuzu wondered.

"He's making himself food." I stated. Usually I'd be glued to Itachi's side. But I gave him room to eat so I could cuddle with Kisame. My shark needed love too.

That and standing/walking around didn't sound like fun.

"Ah." Kakuzu nodded.

I nuzzled Kisame to get his attention.

"What is it kid?" He asked.

I pouted. "I miss Pein and Konan. They need to be social and come and join us here."

"Pein can't. He has his village to run." Kakuzu stated.

I rolled my eyes. "He's a silly man. The next time I see him, I'm forcing him to hang out with us. Konan can join too because I love her."

Kisame snickered. "You love everyone, Alice."

"Not true." I said, holding up a finger to make a point. "I just love my murderers."

"And we love you." Itachi's super sexy voice said from the doorway. I saw him raise an amused eyebrow at me and Kisame's position.

"Ah, hello Itachi." I said with a smile. "I bet you are curious about this position, yes?"

He gave me an amused look. "Indeed."

"Well, I walked into the living room and Kisame was lying here, looking bored and alone, so I decided to brighten his day by smothering him with affection." I explained. Kisame grinned the entire time and Kakuzu stared at me like I was an idiot. "However, I didn't take into account that for someone my size, smothering someone as big as Kisame with only affection is very difficult."

"Is that so?" Itachi said with a smirk.

"Indeed. So while he was lying here, I crept over and climbed on top of him. As dirty as that sounds… He questioned why I was here, and he got an explanation. It just kind of settled down from there."

"I see." Itachi said with a nod. "Are you comfortable?"

"Quite. Would you like to join me?" I asked. Kisame started laughing, shaking me with his deep chuckles.

Itachi's amusement faded and was replaced with his seriousness. "No thank you."

I smirked. "Ah, that's too bad. I wanted to cuddle."

A second later I was off Kisame and on the unoccupied couch and in Itachi's arms. "Then we shall cuddle." I was okay with this situation.

And with the fact that someone as badass as Itachi said "cuddle"…

"Score." I said with a smirk. "Kisame, come join!"

He raised his eyebrow at me. "I think I'm good, Alice. I'll leave it to you, Itachi."

"Wise decision." Itachi told him with a smirk. Kisame chuckled and rolled off the couch.

"I'm actually going to go and get something to eat." He rumpled my hair and kissed the top of my head before leaving.

I smiled goodbye at him before looking at the last occupant of the room. "Kakuzu if me and Itachi bother you with our cuddling, you just let us know. We can take this elsewhere."

Kakuzu looked up from his book at me. "Whatever."

I stared at him for a minute before shrugging and giving Itachi my full attention. "Now Mr. Weasel…" I latched onto him lovingly and cuddled into his sexy drool-inducing muscles.

He chuckled gently and squeezed me, pulling me onto his lap to close the distance between us. He nudged my cheek with his nose before kissing me. We stayed just like that for a bit, utterly content with the set up. But of course _someone_ in this damn organization always has to fuck it up.

That fucker-upper was Kathryn.

She came sprinting into the room and jumped over the couch Itachi and I were sitting on, begging for us to hide her.

I sighed and looked over Itachi's shoulder and the back of the couch to stare at her. "What did you do?" I wondered. She looked up from her makeshift fetal position.

"I did _nothing_. It was fucking Hidan and Tobi. But _I_ get blamed for it. Now shut up and hide me." Kathryn said urgently.

I rolled my eyes and sighed as I looked at Itachi. "I'm not getting involved. She probably pissed off Sasori." Itachi chuckled and nodded.

Sure enough a few minutes later Sasori comes stomping into the room. "Where is she?"

"Who?" I asked.

"Brat number two." Sasori snapped.

"I'm not answering that question. Why?" I stated. "What did she do this time?"

"That _child_ decided it would be funny to write 'doll' on all of the puppets in my bedroom. I have yet to check my workshop, but if they're marked as well, she dies." Sasori growled. "When I find her, she's in so much trouble."

"Are you sure it was Kathryn?" I wondered. "That sounds like something Tobi or perhaps Hidan would do. Possibly even Deidara."

"Deidara is helping me look for her." Sasori growled. "Tobi and Hidan are in the kitchen with Kisame. Besides, Hidan said he saw Kathryn hurrying out of my room snickering."

Kakuzu looked up from his book. "And you believed Hidan? _Hidan?_ What the hell is wrong with you?" I had to laugh at his tone.

"He has a point you know." I agreed. Sasori rolled his eyes at me.

"Have you seen her Itachi?" Sasori wondered. "I'll just painfully interrogate her to find out the truth."

Itachi shook his head. "I have not seen Kathryn for a bit. But I believe you should torture the immortal for the truth before you harm a helpless teenage girl."

"As much as I appreciate you helping me out Itachi, I am not helpless!" Kathryn said stupidly, standing up to point at him dramatically. She froze when Sasori locked eyes on her. "Oh shit." She sprinted out of the room, begging Sasori not to kill her.

I smacked my forehead. "Dumbass."

"So you did know where she was." Sasori growled.

I rolled my eyes. "Why yes we did. But like I said, I'm not getting involved. And I believe I never answered that question so you cannot say I lied to you. I was just sitting here minding my own business, cuddling with my weasel when she barges in here and ruins it."

Sasori looked at Itachi, curious as to why I was ranting.

Itachi shook his head at Sasori. "You and Kathryn irritated her. You reap what you sow Sasori."

"Hey, don't talk about me." I said, breaking out of my rant. "Control your brats, Sasori. And you know what? Torture all of them except for Deidara and Kisame. They aided in this."

Sasori raised his eyebrow at me before shrugging. "Alright."

"Good boy." I said with a nod of my head. "Now shoo."

He glared at me as he left the room.

Itachi chuckled and kissed me. "You're cute when you're angry."

"You're cute _all_ the time." I said seriously, kissing him back. I ignored Kakuzu's scoff at our mushy conversations. "Kakuzu is just jealous because he doesn't get to cuddle with you."

"You caught me." Kakuzu deadpanned sarcastically.

I laughed. "Good response, Kuzu my dear."

"It's Kakuzu." He growled.

"Oh I know." I smiled at him. "But Kuzu is just so much easier to say."

He sighed. "I'm not even going to try arguing with you. I don't have the patience for it."

"Really? Your partner is Hidan. Though, I guess that might be a contributing factor towards your lack of… Interesting. I'm going to think on this and get back to you with a good conclusion." I said, thinking. He just stared at me for a bit before sighing and getting up.

"I'm going to the kitchen." He said dully.

"I made him leave." I said in a pout. "Do I just have that affect on people?"

Itachi smiled at me. "No you don't Alice. Trust me, they all love you. Just nowhere near as much as I do."

"Awe, it's cute!" I said happily, kissing him fully on the lips. "Well, on the bright side, I get this whole big room alone with the love of my life."

"That certainly is the brightest side." Itachi agreed, kissing me back.

"HA! SEE I TOLD YOU DANNA!" Kathryn shouted from a distance.

"You know what, I hate all of them. I don't care if they love me." I growled.

Itachi chuckled and gained my attention again by kissing me.

His kisses were so gentle and yet so passionate and loving. He had a way of conveying every single emotion he felt even into the smallest kiss. I don't know, maybe it's an Itachi thing. But hey, I'm not complaining. He was the best kisser I've ever had the pleasure of kissing.

I could do it all damn day.

If I had a choice to that is…

But apparently I didn't.

"Alice! No sex!" Kathryn said from much closer. "Especially not in the living room! That's gross! We live in here."

"You're about to die in here too." I snarled, pulling away from Itachi.

Kathryn was standing in the doorway with Deidara. She yelped at my threat and glare and hid behind her terrorist. "Protect me Dei!"

"If one more person interrupts me while I am loving my weasel so help me I will fucking sacrifice their ass." I snapped.

Itachi chuckled and rested his chin on my shoulder. "She's adorable when she's angry."

Kathryn squealed. "Awe, they're so cute! Look at them Dei!"

"I see them, yeah." Deidara chuckled, pulling Kathryn into a hug. "We should leave them alone. I don't really want to get sacrificed, un."

"Alice wouldn't dare." Kathryn said seriously.

"Do you want to bet?" I threatened, raising my eyebrow challengingly at her.

She stood tall. "Bring it bitch."

"Alright." I said just as defiantly. I got off Itachi and marched towards her. Apparently she realized that I was seriously going to fight her because she yelped and hid behind Deidara again. I stopped just before him. "Move Deidara. She challenged me and I accepted so we are fighting this out."

"I can't let you hurt her, un." Deidara said seriously despite his smile.

"Then I'll fight you to get to her." I growled.

He looked over me to Itachi who was sitting on the couch, watching calmly. "Itachi, control your woman, un."

Itachi shrugged. "Kathryn challenged her. It's not my fight."

"What the hell Itachi? I thought what we had was special!" Kathryn whined from behind Deidara. Itachi just chuckled.

"You'll have nothing in a minute." I promised her. "Now come here and fight me."

"No!" She said stubbornly. "I was just playing around! You'll kick my ass!"

"You're damn right I will." I assured her. "That's what you get for challenging me though. You're going to suffer the consequences."

"Brat, what are you doing now?" Sasori's sarcastic voice sighed from the hallway behind Kathryn. He saw me standing there looking pissed off. "Oh yes, I forgot to tell you that Alice was in a bad mood so you should leave her alone."

"I am not in a bad mood." I told him. "Though, it's slowly changing to one. I'm just very annoyed." I looked back at Kathryn. "She challenged me to a duel and now she's chickening out. This is unacceptable."

"I agree." Sasori agreed. "If you're going to start something, you need to finish it, brat."

Kathryn looked appalled. "Danna! You're supposed to protect me like Deidara is!"

"I agreed to no such actions." Sasori said calmly.

"That's right bitch, Sasori's on my side this time." I sneered. Sasori chuckled at my words. "All you have is your fellow blond." I crossed my arms. "I'll give you three seconds to get out here and fight me before I take you _and _Deidara out."

I began my countdown but was stopped by strong arms wrapping around my waist soothingly. Lips pressed against my neck in a calming, loving kiss.

"Alice, I don't think Kathryn can take you fighting her. Consider this strike one and let it slide." Itachi whispered in my ear. "You wouldn't want to hurt her anyways."

"You don't know that." I deadpanned. He chuckled at my tone but he knew that he was right. So did I. I wouldn't really want to hurt Kathryn when it came down to it, but right then I was going to because she wanted to fight me.

"Alice." He muttered.

"Alright fine. I'll let the pain in the ass off the hook this one time." I said in defeat. I pointed at Kathryn. "Consider yourself lucky that Itachi cares for your wellbeing."

Kathryn smiled at him. "I love you Itachi! Thank you."

"You're welcome Kathryn." Itachi said politely. He looked at me. "Come with me. We'll leave Kathryn and the artists alone."

I scoffed. "The only artist here is Sasori." Sasori chuckled and nodded at me. Yeah, I complimented him. I was in a weird mood today and I felt like I should side with Sasori since he sided with me for once.

"Hey un! Art is an explosion!" Deidara shouted after me.

"Art is eternal." Sasori growled.

"Art is me!" Kathryn said cheerfully, throwing her hands in the air for emphasis.

Both artists paused in their argument to stare at her. I laughed and walked away with Itachi to the kitchen.

When we entered I plopped myself into a chair beside Kisame who was chatting with Zetsu, Tobi, Kakuzu, and Hidan. I put my forehead on the table and sighed into the wooden slab. I wasn't having a very good day if you haven't noticed.

"What the fuck is up with you, bitch?" Hidan asked.

I rolled my head to look at him. "Hn."

"Hn is not an acceptable response Alice. **We don't need another Uchiha.**" Zetsu told me. I started laughing considering they had enough anyways.

They had Madara, Itachi, and later on Sasuke.

"What is Alice-chan laughing about?" Tobi asked.

"Not a thing Tobi. Trust me, its better that you don't know." I assured him, giving him a smile. Itachi sat beside me and cocked his head at me.

I gave him my attention, feeling his stare. "Alice, what's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"You've been rather cranky today." Zetsu stated. "**She's probably PMSing.**"

I sighed. "No Zetsu, I am not PMSing. Thank you for narrowing down the possibilities though. It's appreciated."

Kakuzu chuckled at my bitter sarcasm. "He is right though. You've been in a bad mood."

I closed my eyes. "It happens."

Itachi placed his hand on my back. I buried a wince but his damn perceptiveness caught it. "Alice? Are you okay?"

"I'm absolutely fine." I assured him.

He frowned. "Then why did you wince when I touched you?"

I raised my eyebrow. "I'm practicing my impersonation of Sasori when he looks in a mirror…" I smiled at him hopefully but he gave me a blank stare.

Damn… He knew I was lying.

"You're hilarious." Sasori growled, entering the kitchen. I smirked at him and he rolled his eyes. Leave it to him to be the only one to appreciate my comment.

And leave it to Itachi to still be staring at me expectantly.

I closed my eyes and sighed at the fact that Itachi had caught on. "My arthritis in my back is starting to get bad. I don't have my meds in this world." I shrugged. "It's been getting worse for a while. But it's really bad today. I'll be fine though."

"You should have said something." Itachi said shortly. "We can't help you if you remain silent, Alice."

"Alice doesn't like it when people worry about her." Kathryn cut in from the doorway. "I've been wondering when it would catch up with her."

I glared at her. "Shut up."

Kisame patted my head gently. "That explains the twitching and wincing you were doing earlier. You really should have told us Alice."

"I'll be fine guys." I said stubbornly. Kathryn was right. I didn't like it when people fussed over me. There were people out there worse off than I was. I didn't want or need the attention or the sympathy.

"I suppose this was something Konan couldn't fix." Itachi mused.

"It wasn't. She asked." I told him. "I don't mind though. She fixed my shoulder and that's good enough for me. It took a quarter of the pain away. Now I don't want to die."

Zetsu cocked his head to the side. "You know, I have plants that can act as painkillers. I could try and whip something up for you, Alice. **It'll cost you though.** It will not cost her! She's in pain. **Calm down. I was just teasing.** Be nice please."

"Are you sure it'll work?" Itachi asked.

"I have some ingredients that could work as well." Sasori added. "If Zetsu's plants alone don't work, the serum I can make would. If you don't trust it, we can always test it on Hidan."

"Hey! Fuck off!" Hidan snapped, glaring at Sasori. His eyes went back to me. "If it's for the crazy bitch though then I might consider helping. But I had better fucking benefit for it!"

I sighed. "You guys are dumb. But I love you." I pressed my head back on the table. "I accept your challenge Zetsu and Sasori. If it gets rid of the pain in my back, I'd take a puppet body." I heard Sasori chuckle.

"Ew!" Kathryn protested. "Don't do that! Only Danna can be a puppet!"

I sighed. "You're an idiot Kathryn." Sasori smacked her in the back of the head. "Good job Sasori. Give her one from me too." He chuckled.

"I'll work on a serum for you as soon as I go back to my room, Alice." Sasori assured me. "It shouldn't take me too long."

"**We'll help you Sasori.**" Zetsu added.

I smiled. "I love you guys. You're the best organization of criminals one could ask for."

"The hottest one too." Kathryn agreed.

"Absolutely." I nodded. Something Kathryn said reminded me of a task I needed to accomplish. "Uh Tobi, can I talk to you privately? I need your opinion on something." I looked at Itachi. "You can come too."

Time to talk to Madara.

I decided to bring Itachi with me.

Why?

I decided to bring him for two reasons.

One was because I was extremely irritable and I didn't want to accidently go off on Madara for saying something that might set me off. Itachi would be able to restrain me because he knows the signs now.

Number two is because Itachi is really helpful and smart. And he knows Madara.

"Tobi will talk with Alice-chan because Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi announced.

Itachi watched me carefully for a minute before nodding and getting to his feet. I lifted my sorry ass from the chair and walked out of the room, Tobi and Itachi right behind me. "Okay, where is a secure room where no one can hear us?"

"Come with me." Itachi said calmly. He led Tobi and I through the base until we reached a room in the middle of nowhere. He opened the door for me and Tobi and slipped inside after us, closing the door behind him.

Once we were in the room I looked at Tobi. "Now don't get mad at me for addressing the real you, Madara. I really do need your opinion on some important topics. Since you're probably one of the smartest guys I'm going to find, I assumed you were my best bet."

The Tobi aura completely vanished and it was replaced by the powerful, lethal aura of Madara, the primary and most badass antagonist of the story.

I smiled at his mask and sat on one of the chairs in the room. "You can keep your mask on and you can do basically whatever you want. I just need you to help me out." I looked at Itachi. "I brought Itachi because I know he would be of some help too."

"Sure Alice. Explain to us what you need." Madara stated, all teasing an amusement gone from his voice.

Yeah, he was intimidating as fuck.

* * *

_I'm in a Kakuzu phase guys..._

_There was something I was going to talk about, but I completely forgot what it was..._

Answer to last Chapter: _I have a large variety of music. My iTunes holds over 4000 songs from techno to classical. And because of my wide taste of music, my favorite bands change depending on my mood. Today it would probably have to be Rammstein, Asking Alexandria, and probably either Avenged Sevenfold or Maximum the Hormone. I'm feeling a little Pink Floyd today too. My most listened to song on my iTunes is Flow by Sign._

_I want you guys to do something for me. Everytime you get a fortune cookie and you read your fortune, I want you to say "in bed" after you read it. I gets quite a laugh. I had one today and my fortune was: After the raging storm is tranquility(in bed). Sethy Poo's was: Always listen to another person's offer(in bed)._

_*snicker*_

**QotC:** _What is your favorite Naruto opening. You know, the opening theme song for like 20 episodes. If you can't pick just one, give me your top 2. :)_

_All of you go to youtube and type in: Falcon Thrust! New Dance! or something like that. It should be the first video. It's freaking hilarious. Me and my brother watched it for like fifteen minutes just laughing our asses off._

_Again, you guys are amazing and I love you all._

_I mean really? 200+ reviews in 17 chapters? That's freaking awesome._

_You all deserve a piece of my soul and I give it willingly._

_Oh and btw, that lemon some/most of you wanted/asked for is in the shop. Which means I'm working on it._

_I've got the general outline done, I just need to add some Alice touches in and the finer details._

_My dog sheds so much. I swear you could make twenty other dogs with her amount of fur and she'd still have some to give. The other two are labs so they aren't bad._

_Getting off topic._

_Alright my loves, thank you all soooo much._

_And have a nice life._

_:D  
_


	18. Chapter 18

_Yeah, my laptop has a huge virus on it, so I'm really surprised I'm able to post this._

_It's literally only through luck._

_I haven't been able to get on my laptop since I posted last time._

_So yeah, enjoy dears. I don't own Naruto  
_

* * *

"I'm sure you know that I know the future of the Akatsuki and your plans." I said calmly. "For a while now I've been using my knowledge to try and come up with different plans for the members who die in the show to live."

"Go on." Madara urged in a calm tone with a dip of his head in my direction.

I sighed. "I'm not a ninja, and I don't know everyone's capabilities to their fullest extent. Plus I'm not all that knowledgeable with battle plans and whatnot. So, I wanted your opinion on my plans." I crossed my arms and gestured at Itachi. "Of course with the more 'in depth' battles that show secrets, like Itachi's, I intended on going over with the one battling personally."

"What secrets?" Madara questioned.

Hello Madara, it's not a secret if you share it!

"Like maybe Sasori doesn't want you guy to know how freaking adorable he was as a kid. I'm pretty sure Itachi doesn't want all his secrets blabbed to the world. I know you don't want your info to be announced. And I'm fairly certain Kisame wants to keep his past on the DL." I explained.

Itachi raised an eyebrow. "DL?"

He was really, really cute. Like super cute. Like I wanted to rape him where he sat cute…

Okay I'm getting off topic. Focus me!

"Down low. In other words, it's meant to be kept quiet." I stated.

Madara dipped his head. "I see. And how do you intend on discussing these plans of your with the others?"

I'm just going to think about it really hard and hope they pick up on my brain waves Madara. How do you think I'm going to discuss it?

Passing notes like kids do at school might be fun too…

I'll have to look into that.

Bad Alice! Focus!

It's my lack of medication that is making me insane right now.

The pain is making me crazy.

"I pretty much have the entire show on my iPod." I informed him, pulling said contraption out of my pocket to put on display. "If I show the others their deaths and battles, they can formulate their own plans as well as edit my own. Not to mention they can avoid situations that arise in the show and manga." I sighed.

I really need to stop this sarcasm business. It's going to get me killed one of these days.

Either by someone evil or Sasori.

Not that there's much of a difference…

Itachi looked at me. "So who fights first?"

"Deidara fights Gaara first and loses his arm in the process. Kakuzu fixes him up though so it's not really _that_ big of a deal. Though I'm sure everyone would want to avoid that as much as possible." Madara nodded. "Sasori dies in a battle soon after, facing off against Sakura and his grandmother. Deidara loses his other arm to Kakashi's Mangekyō Sharingan that he gains at some point before their battle."

"And what sort of plan have you made up?" Madara wondered. I swear this would be so much easier if he took that damn mask off! Then I could see his face, make eye contact, and read his expressions. But no! He has to keep the constant appearance of a damn lollipop. How am I supposed to take him seriously if he reminds me of a hyperactive piece of candy?

INFURITATING!

Distracting!

…Okay. Rant over.

I need mental help…

**Third Person!**

"So what do you think Alice wanted to talk to Tobi about, un?" Deidara asked. "I mean, it _is_ Tobi. What can you talk about, yeah?"

Kathryn crossed her arms and looked at her lover thoughtfully. "I don't know Dei. Not much about Tobi is known by us Naruto lovers. Do you guys ever think that maybe he's actually the brains behind all this? You know, like maybe his hyper idiotic behavior is just an act?"

Hidan stared at Kathryn as if she was insane before frowning. "You can't fucking fake being that fucking stupid."

"Hidan's right brat." Sasori nodded. "His intelligence level is an insult."

She shrugged, hiding a smile about how little they knew. "I guess you're right. But wouldn't it be funny?"

"I'm not sure what I would do, un." Deidara chuckled. "I wouldn't know how to react, yeah." He smiled and shook his head.

Kathryn grinned. "You're so handsome." She ran her fingers through the thick fringe covering his eye and kissed him. "We need to make babies."

Deidara laughed when Hidan spit out his drink at Kathryn's words. Kakuzu and Sasori stared at her with disturbed expressions while Kisame just snickered.

Kathryn noticed Sasori's stare. "What Danna?" She asked, looking innocent.

He frowned. "What the hell is wrong with you? Don't talk about stuff like that at the table you idiot."

She pouted. "So mean Danna." She looked back at Deidara before grinning evilly and looking at Sasori again. "Are you jealous Danna?" She caressed his face which had morphed into a blank, slightly annoyed expression. "You can always join us Danna. I like redheads too."

Sasori stared at her. "No thank you."

Kathryn pouted. "Fine. Hidan can take your spot."

Hidan shook his head and looked at Deidara. "You need to fucking keep an eye on her."

Deidara chuckled. "She's just joking around un." He nuzzled Kathryn's face lovingly. "Besides, she's mine. I'm not sharing, yeah."

Kathryn looked around at Deidara, slightly shocked. "You wouldn't share with Danna?"

"Nope, un." Deidara said with a smirk.

"You wound me Brat." Sasori deadpanned sarcastically.

Deidara chuckled. "Sorry Danna, un."

"I don't know if I'll ever recover." Sasori sighed in mock sadness. His voice was dripping with sarcasm as he stared at Deidara with an expression that clearly wasn't amused.

"It's okay Danna. You can be my secret lover." Kathryn said with an eyebrow raise and a wink. "It'll be fun."

Sasori mocked enthusiasm by twirling his index finger in a circle. "Oh joy."

Kathryn snickered at his behavior. "You're cute Danna."

Her Danna rolled his eyes.

Hidan sighed. "I'm fucking bored. We need to fucking do something."

"You're always bored." Kakuzu said calmly, looking down at his partner who was resting his head on the table.

Hidan grumbled under his breath about Kakuzu as he glared at the ground. His grumbling stopped when his eyes fell on something. "What the hell is that?"

"What?" Kakuzu asked, raising his eyebrow.

Hidan got up from his chair and picked up something black off the floor. It was a small little black thing that had red buttons and what appeared to be a screen. A picture of Kisame and the crazy bitch making faces was on the screen.

"This thing." Hidan said, holding it up. "What the fuck are you doing in this picture Kisame?" Hidan asked, showing the shark the photo that took up the screen.

Kisame laughed. "Alice and I did this a while ago. This was back when we were in their world." He smiled as he took the phone from Hidan. "It's Alice's cell phone."

"Really? It's different from the one she had when we first fucking met her." Hidan said.

Kathryn nodded. "Yeah. She bought herself a new one for her birthday. She transferred the photos over when she got it. We both have the same one. Mine's red though." Kathryn announced, holding up a phone identical in all but color.

Hidan took it back from Kisame and started poking buttons. He raised an eyebrow when it beeped loudly at him. "What the fuck does that mean?"

Kathryn laughed and got off Deidara's lap to go and inspect it. Her eyes widened when she saw the familiar background of Google presenting itself proudly on Alice's phone.

They had internet.

"ALICE!" Kathryn screamed.

**First Person Alice!**

My eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "I swear if she wants me for something stupid, I'm going to kill her. Slowly." Madara chuckled at my violent mannerisms. Itachi just smiled.

"WHAT?" I hollered back.

"COME HERE! HIDAN JUST GAVE US LIFE!" Kathryn called. I raised my eyebrow and looked at Madara.

"Uh, well I've said all I needed to say. Are you good Madara?" I wondered.

He dipped his head. "We're finished Alice. Be sure to discuss the plans with the members when it draws closer to the time for their battles."

"I will." I assured him. I looked to Itachi. "Come on Itachi. You're going to need to hold me back if I end up wanting to kill her."

He chuckled. "Of course Alice." I took his offered hand and we walked to the door. Before we reached it I paused and looked at Madara.

"I've always wanted to ask you something, Madara." I said, looking at the masked man.

"What is it?" He wondered.

I smirked. "Why on earth do you act like Tobi if you're so badass? I mean… it's a bit much you know. Don't get me wrong, I _love_ the Tobi part of you just like I love you, but damn."

Madara chuckled. "I don't want my true identity to be revealed."

That's dedication.

"Well I want you to know that it was very hard for me to take you seriously after some of the things you did in the show. Once I realized you were Madara, I wasn't sure if I should laugh at you or fear you for the longest time." I snickered. "It's a good think I know now."

He chuckled and disappeared in a swirl after winking his Sharingan at me. I shrugged and looked at Itachi before leading him back to the kitchen.

When we entered, Kathryn was hunched over my phone which I swore was in my pocket. It must have fallen out.

"What are you doing Kat?" I asked. "And what did you want? I was busy."

She grinned and ran over to me and showed me the screen of my phone. "We have internet! Hidan did something and we have it now!"

I gawked before I had a massive flip out. I'm certain everyone was scared of me because I about destroyed the base with joy. I attached my person to Hidan's and smothered him with well deserved love. He was disturbed.

"Did she just switch bodies with Tobi?" Sasori asked.

I turned to glare at him. "Bitch, I just was reunited with my addiction." I paused and looked at Kathryn who was also latched onto Hidan with me. "How the hell is this possible?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. But I'm not questioning it."

I nodded, squeezing Hidan. "You're right. It is a gift from the almighty Jashin-sama." I looked at the silver haired man I clung to. "Hidan, the next time you do a ritual or a sacrifice, I want you do another one for me and pray for me. Thank our Lord for this gift. Hell I'll even go with you to go and find some sacrifices."

He chuckled. "That's what I like to hear you crazy bitch."

I smiled. "We'll go soon. We must thank him thoroughly."

"Why are you so enthused?" Kakuzu asked.

I turned to him, giving him a glare that Hidan and Sasori would be proud of. "Multiple reasons, my dearest Kakuzu!" I held up one finger. "I can get my anime fix." I held up another. "I can increase my already ridiculously disturbing amount of knowledge on all of you guys and your world. Plus, the internet is like my life source. Other than a sexy weasel who happens to be standing in the doorway right now." I looked at Itachi and gave him a grin.

He returned my grin with a gentle smile.

"I think she might have a problem." Sasori said calmly.

I smirked at him. "Dear, tell us something we don't know. Besides, it's not like you're any better." He raised his eyebrow at me.

"What are you going to do when it dies?" Kisame asked. "Doesn't that thing have a limited battery or whatever."

Kathryn smirked. "Ah, but leave that to me my lovely fishy." She pretended to crack her knuckles. "I was summoned here with my cell phone charger and my iPod charger in my pockets. I always go to Alice's house with my necessities."

"I freaking love you." I told my best friend seriously. "I think your brilliance calls for a best friend hug."

"I couldn't agree more." Kathryn said cheerfully. "We can stop creeping on Hidan if we follow through with our hug of friendship."

"Let's do it!" I said firmly. We detached ourselves from Hidan at the same time a second before she glomped me. We hugged each other just as best friends should. It was full of sisterly love and I'm pretty sure if it was possible, little hearts would be floating around us.

Sasori raised an eyebrow at this. "Is anyone else as disturbed as I am about their situation?" Kakuzu and Hidan raised their hands. Deidara and Itachi just smiled tenderly at us. Kisame snickered at our embrace.

"Shut up Sasori. You're ruining the moment." I snapped.

"Touchy." Hidan commented.

We detached ourselves from each other to glomp our loves. She basically tackle-hugged Deidara while I walked calmly over to Itachi. I settled for curling an arm around his waist as he curled his around my shoulders.

"Things are always so much livelier with you and Kathryn around." He told me before kissing me.

"Yeah. I know." I said with a smile, kissing him back.

What can I say? Kathryn and I were the life of the party in this world.

* * *

_Hooray for the wonder that is internet!_

_Hidan has no idea what he has just done. lol_

Answer to last chapter: _My favorite opening is Sign by Flow. It's the sixth opening for Naruto Shippuden for Itachi vs Sasuke and Jiraiya vs Pein. Second favorite would probably have to be Hotaru no Hikari by Ikimono-gakari. It's the fifth one for the Kakuzu and Hidan arch. The one for the Pein arch is up there too._

_Alright, so now that that's over... Yeah I don't know._

_I'm having withdraws from not being able to use my laptop. Also, I have a big ass paper to write and I cannot write it while my laptop has gone to shit._

**QotC:** _What is your favorite Naruto ending? Again, top two if you can't just pick one. I'll answer next chapter.  
_

_So yeah, I might update again sooner rather than waiting the usual four days because you guys have given me so many reviews that I feel you deserve more._

_If I can update that is.  
_

_Thank you all. Really._

_Now I have to go and fight this virus off._

_So check ya later. :)  
_


	19. Chapter 19

_You guys get a short chapter early because I'm nice and today is a day of celebration._

_I finally curb-stomped that virus that was eating my laptop._

_So my beautiful computer for my lap is now virus free:)_

_This is a short chapter, but that's because I'm still updating in... 2 days because I love you that much._

_I had to count the days..._

_Don't judge me._

_I own **NOTHING!** Except Alice and Kathryn.  
_

* * *

I was occupied.

Extremely occupied.

So occupied to the point where I didn't even respond to Sasori's teasing.

Yeah. I was _that_ occupied.

I was watching my anime. And I'd be damned if I was disturbed after so long of not watching any. Oh I knew what was going on around me. I could still hear them, but I was focused and I refused to answer.

"What the hell is she doing?" Hidan asked, walking into the room after cleaning up the blood and shit from his ritual.

Sasori sighed. "She's watching anime."

"Don't even try to talk to her right now. It'll be a waste of your time. No one can interrupt her when she's watching her anime. That's why she knows so much more about just about any anime than I do about one. She's obsessed and she has a perfect photographic memory." Kathryn explained to him, looking away from playing with Deidara's hair.

Said terrorist was laying long-ways on the couch with his head in her lap. Kathryn didn't mind. In fact she squealed loud enough to where I verbally abused her for disturbing me. Sasori sat at the end of the couch I was sitting on.

He was bent over the table in the middle of the room with numerous papers around him. He was doing as he promised and trying to figure out the necessary ingredients for the serum he was making me.

Sasori is such a sweetheart. So is Zetsu.

Zetsu was apparently giving Sasori endless information on plants and herbs he could use. Not to mention being his supplier of said plants and herbs.

Now it sounds like Zetsu's a drug dealer...

Though, I wouldn't put it past him.

GETTING OFF TOPIC!

They both are so awesome it can even be described.

"She hasn't blinked for like five minutes…" Kisame said with a snicker. I knew he was talking about me so I widened my eyes just for him before blinking rapid fire. He laughed. "She heard me."

"I can hear you. I'm just busy. Now shush." I said quickly. If they didn't hear me then it sucks for them. They were lucky they got anything at all. It was a pretty dull part of the episode I was watching anyways so it was okay to talk to them for a second.

"Has she been doing that all fucking day?" Hidan wondered, flopping on the couch after smacking Deidara's legs to make him move them so he could sit.

"No. She only started once Itachi left with Tobi and Kakuzu to get things from the village nearby, un." Deidara explained, putting his legs on Hidan's lap just to irk the Jashinist. "She's taking advantage of his absence, yeah."

"Well he's back so it won't be for much longer." Zetsu stated. "**Unless she wants to bore him by picking her shows over him...** She wouldn't do that. **I think it would be funny if she did. He'd be pissed.**"

"Better watch out Uchiha. The crazy bitch is leaving you for animated shows." Hidan said with a cocky grin as Itachi walked into the room with Kakuzu and Tobi.

Itachi rolled his eyes. "She has a name, Hidan. Use it."

"What the fuck ever." Hidan scoffed.

Itachi's eyes found me and me smiled at my focused mannerisms. "How long has she been doing this?"

"Since you left." Kisame told him.

He walked over to me and sat beside me.

"Watch it Itachi. She about broke Kathryn's neck when she disturbed her earlier, un." Deidara warned. "She even snapped at Kisame, yeah."

Itachi chuckled and curled his arms around my waist before kissing my cheek.

Sensing something better than anime, I paused the video, locked the phone and took out my headphones before turning to Itachi and kissing him lovingly. "Hello my love. Welcome back." I said kindly, hugging him.

Kathryn gawked. "Oh my Jashin! How did you do that?"

Itachi looked away from me to raise an eyebrow at her. "Do what?"

"Distract her from her anime and live!" Kathryn clarified.

I sighed and nuzzled my weasel. "Itachi is the one distraction I will always welcome. He is better than anime."

Itachi nuzzled me back gently. "I'm glad you think so."

I looked at Kathryn and pointed to Itachi. "That sexiness would gain my attention over anything."

"Guys, Pein wants us gathered for a meeting. **Report to the meeting room now.**" Zetsu said with authority.

I hopped up from the couch and pulled Itachi after me. I was eager to see Pein and Konan after so long of not seeing them. The others followed behind us as we went straight to the large meeting room where the holographic forms of the leaders were waiting.

"Ah, my fearless leaders!" I sighed contently. "Hi Pein, hi Konan!"

"Hello Alice." Konan's form said sweetly. Pein dipped his head at me in greeting.

"Hey fuckers!" Hidan said loudly.

Pein and Konan stared at him without response.

"Hi Pein-sama and Konan!" Kathryn cheered when she saw them. She let go of Deidara long enough to wave at them happily.

"Hello Kathryn." Pein and Konan said in unison.

"What did you want us for Leader-sama?" Kakuzu asked.

Pein dipped his head. "I'm having you all come back to this base. The ninja that were suspicious of our dwelling here have dispersed and are no longer an issue so it is safe to return. Also, we must prepare for our hunt of the tailed beasts. It will be easier to do so if you're all here where we can discuss this personally." His ringed eyes drifted to me. "I received your message, Alice. We can discuss it further when you return. Your knowledge of this world and your help will be very useful in our plans."

I saluted. "With pleasure Pein."

"Konan also appreciated the written letter of affection you sent her." Pein said. I could see a hint of amusement in his eyes.

"It was very nice Alice." Konan said, smiling through the hologram thingy.

I laughed. "I'm glad you liked it. I made it just for you. And I assumed Pein would read it so I threw in some stuff for him too."

"I got it." He said calmly. "Now, back to the matter at hand: Now that the potential threats are gone, you will have five days to return to this base. Once you have returned, we will discuss our plans further. Alice and Kathryn will help you to create a sound battle plan that will prevent your deaths."

Sasori raised his eyebrows. "When did you talk to Leader-sama?"

I looked at him. "Tobi helped me send the message. I bribed him with sweets."

Actually, I just gave Madara candy and I made him cookies. He has a sweet tooth.

Like more so than Itachi.

"What plans is he talking about, un?" Deidara wondered.

"I thought up plans since the moment I met you guys so you wouldn't die if you ever returned to your world. Now that I'm here, I intend to make sure that none of you die." I explained. I saw Kathryn cling tighter to Deidara while she grabbed Sasori's hand.

He squeezed it in response.

Kakuzu nodded in consideration. "Well that is helpful."

"Damn right it is." I said with a smirk. He chuckled. "So I think the situation right now is: When do we leave?"

"We leave once we're ready." Itachi explained. "We can't all leave at the same time or it'll be noticeable."

"We also cannot all go the same way. We have to take different routes to get back to base." Kisame informed me. "Partners will be traveling with partners of course and you and Kathryn will be with Itachi and Deidara respectively."

"Fair enough." I nodded.

Pein nodded as well. "Very well men. Prepare for your departure and return here as soon as possible. You have your orders. Meeting dismissed."

He and Konan disappeared with a fizzy sound.

I smirked. "He's so serious some times."

"That's Pein for you, un." Deidara chuckled. He looked at Sasori. "Let's go and pack Danna, yeah." He then suggested the same thing to Kathryn who nodded happily.

Sasori dipped his head. "You're right brat." He looked to the others. "We'll see you back at headquarters."

Itachi wrapped his arm around my waist once Sasori, Deidara, and Kathryn left the room. "Let's go pack our things, Alice, Kisame." He looked to his partner when he addressed him.

Kisame shrugged and complied, leading the way out of the room behind Hidan and Kakuzu who decided to leave the room then too. Zetsu exited after us. I stayed with Itachi and Kisame as each team and member separated once they reached the general location of their rooms.

Packing was easy. It took no time at all to gather all of my things into a manageable bag and set it beside Itachi's so he could store it inside a scroll for later. I kept my phone and iPod on me so I could use them if need be.

Kisame did the same a moment later, joining us at the back exit so we could take the most direct route back to base.

"We're the second group to leave." Kisame stated. "Sasori, Deidara, and Kathryn have already taken off. You know how Sasori doesn't like making people wait."

I snickered.

Itachi smiled at my snickering before looking at Kisame. "Let's go, Kisame."

The shark nodded and picked me up, setting me on Samehada like he had done before. I latched onto him happily just before both ninjas took off towards home.

* * *

_Woo! Time to go home!_

_There is a very serious topic(s) I'm going to discuss today. That's another reason why I'm posting early. Because I just love your opinions._

_Anywhozal. I was discussing this story and it's prequel with Sethy-Poo, my friend Brandon, Kathryn, and a few others(Hoot too). And they wanted me to make like a behind the scenes "story" about the Akatsuki's time in Aliceland(our world). You know, like a deleted scenes type of thing. Sethy-Poo, Hoot, my friend Blake, and Brandon actually read this because they're amazing friends and they don't get grossed out by all of the mushiness and they want me to do it. _

_Jashin I love them so much._

_Anyways, I was thinking it over and I'm going to leave it up to you guys to help me decide. I'll probably do it anyways for the guys and for my own entertainment. But your opinions count too because I love you. :) Weird thing, my cousin and her boyfriend read it too. I didn't know until she showed me it and I was "AH! I WROTE THAT!" She flipped. I love my family. *sometimes*  
_

**QotC:** _What do you think about me doing a deleted scenes type deal about the Akatsuki's time in our world(or possibly even if they wouldn't have left so soon. I haven't decided yet.) It'll be fun._

Answer to last chapter: _I totally didn't think of response to this... IMPROVISE! GO! I like U Can Do It by Domino. It's one of the more recent one. I like Shooting Star by Homemade. I love the song for the previous ending, but the video makes me want to punch a baby. I don't like it._


	20. Chapter 20

_Hooray! Huge ass paper for my English class is complete!_

_12 pages in less than four hours!_

_And it is complete and utter bullshit._

_But it's good bullshit._

_Anywhozal, enjoy this... sad excuse for a chapter._

_I don't own Naruto! But I do own a huge thing of red yarn. And it's all tangled so that's been occupying my time for the past few days._

_I'm pathetic...  
_

* * *

"Wait. What are we doing?" I asked Konan, looking around from making breakfast for everyone. She had entered the kitchen to talk to Kathryn and I. The others were all doing something. I don't really know.

And to be quite honest, for some of them, I didn't _want_ to know.

I've seen Sasori make a puppet before and let me tell you, it's fucking disgusting.

I've also walked in on one of Hidan's rituals.

Also scarring.

The others…

Not as bad.

Konan smiled. "You, Kathryn, and I are having a girls' day out. I need some girl time and since I have you and Kathryn to do it with, I intend on doing just that."

"I see." I nodded. "So when are we doing it and what are we doing?"

Kathryn jumped away from the table and hugged Konan gently. "You're so nice Konan. You really are the nicest person I've ever met."

She hugged Kathryn sweetly. "Thank you Kathryn. We leave once you're done making breakfast and when you're both ready. We aren't going to be doing much really. We're going out to eat together and then we'll decide as we go but not a lot or we'll draw suspicion." She grinned. "I asked Pein-sama to stop the rain for today."

I punched the air. "Score! No rain!" I returned to my task of piling pancakes on a plate for the guys to devour together. "Alright. I'm almost done so we can leave in a minute."

"Are you ready?" Konan wondered.

I nodded. "I get ready first thing in the morning or I'd be in my bed clothes all day." I glanced at Kathryn. "Are you ready?"

She nodded. "Danna woke me and Dei up early today so I got ready a while ago. He wanted me to show him information on your arthritis so he could work on that serum."

Konan looked saddened. "So it's bothering you still?"

I shrugged. "I don't have my meds in this world. If I did, it wouldn't be an issue."

"It got to the point where she couldn't move." Itachi's voice said from the doorway. He and Kisame entered the kitchen together.

"Sasori and Zetsu are helping." I stated. "It won't be an issue. I'll be fine."

"Is that why you guys were late?" Konan wondered. "You're normally the fastest group, but you guys even came back after Hidan and Kakuzu."

Kisame nodded and rumpled my hair from behind. "She insisted that we carried on, but even the smallest movement almost had her in tears."

"I didn't cry." I said firmly. "They're just over protective. I would have been fine."

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "Just drop it guys. Alice get's really stubborn when it comes to herself. She doesn't like people fussing over her."

"Shut up." I sighed. I turned to Konan. "So, I'm done. We can go whenever you're ready." I saw Itachi and Kisame raise their eyebrows in confusion.

Konan smiled. "Alright, we'll leave now."

"Where are you going?" Itachi wondered.

"None of your business." Konan said firmly. "I'm taking Alice and Kathryn out with me. Don't worry about them. I'd never let anything happen to them."

Itachi opened his mouth to comment but was cut off by the blue haired woman.

"No Itachi." Konan scolded. "You can't know where we're going." She grabbed me by the back of the shirt and pulled me away from the weasel I was hugging before she grabbed Kathryn and pulled her from the kitchen.

"This is going to be so fun!" Kathryn said in excitement.

Konan grinned. "I know."

I smiled at their enthusiasm. "I have a feeling this is going to get complicated."

They both laughed as we left the base, heading for the city not too far away.

Breakfast was fun. Kathryn, Konan, and I chatted away. She was actually more bearable than Kathryn usually was. Kathryn adored her because Konan liked to insult my negativity with her. They both had so much in common. Konan had a calmer side like I did too though.

But she could get hyper though.

Not that I didn't love that side of her as well.

Currently we were sitting in what appeared to be a tea house or something. I was drinking water while the other females with me drank tea.

"So Kathryn, how are things with Deidara?" Konan wondered, smiling a crafty smile at Kathryn. She wanted to gossip.

Typical girl.

Kathryn grinned widely. "Everything is amazing. I've dated a few guys back in my world, but they're _nothing_ compared to Dei. He's so sweet to me and his personality is incredible." She hugged herself. "I'd never trade him for anything."

I smiled into my drink at her happiness while Konan grinned. "That's wonderful Kathryn. You two are both so cute together too. Your personalities are perfect for each other. Hell, everything about you two is perfect for each other." Konan stated, grabbing Kathryn's hands.

I was genuinely happy for Kathryn. I was glad she found someone she liked as much as she likes Deidara. And I was even happier for the fact that Deidara was such a good guy. Most of my friends were guys, so I knew shitty ones when I saw them. And Deidara was far from.

He was also so nice to her. Both of them were so happy and loving together. It was nice to see the person I considered a sister finding love with someone awesome like Deidara, even though he did bad things for a living.

What's life without some explosions?

"I know it isn't nice to kiss and tell, but have you… you know, done anything with him?" Konan wondered smirking slightly.

Kathryn smirked as well. "We've done a bit. But we haven't had sex _yet_. Neither of us want to rush anything. Not to mention, I've never done it before so I'm a bit nervous."

I watched Kathryn carefully as she spoke. She had always been nervous about talking about possibly losing her virginity, especially after my whole escapade with Adam. And if Deidara would rush their relationship and force her into stuff, I'd kill him. So hearing that he didn't want to rush anything made me feel better.

Yeah I'm protective, leave me alone.

"What about yours and Itachi's relationship, Alice?" Konan asked. Kathryn looked at me with her, nothing but a smirking grin was plastered on her face. Both of them sat together across from me. I sat with my back against the wall on my bench so I could see the entire tea house. That and so I could lean against the wall for my back.

I calmly set my drink down before looking at them. "I've never been happier if that answers your question. Though, that could also be contributed to the fact that I have the rest of the Akatsuki as my house buddies." I saw Kathryn roll her eyes at my slight diversion from the question at hand. "But to better answer your question: Itachi is everything I could ever ask for. Things probably couldn't get any better." Then I frowned as something occurred to me. "Besides the fact that every time we get a chance to spend alone time together, someone ruins it."

My glare turned to Kathryn.

"That someone is usually you." I stated calmly. "Fucking cock-blocker."

Kathryn winced. "Sorry."

I shook my head, shooting down her apology before turning to Konan. "So Konan, how are things with Pein?"

She blushed deeply. "Nothing."

"Oh don't pull that shit with me." I said pointing at her with a smirk. "I can read you like a book. Spill it. I know you two have something going on. There's no way you couldn't. You're both adorable together."

Konan was adorable.

Even though I was totally straight, I will openly admit that.

I mean come on! Look at her! She's freaking gorgeous! And she's so sweet.

How anyone could not love that blue haired woman was beyond me.

She's like a ten times nicer, million times prettier, more feminine version of me.

And Pein was sexy.

I'd openly admit _that_ any damn day of the week.

Perfect.

Her blush increased. "Since we've returned to our world, our relationship has become intimate…" She smiled and looked down when I grinned and Kathryn squealed.

"Congrats Konan!" Kathryn said with a squeak, throwing an encouraging and loving hug on the blue haired woman.

"Thanks guys." Konan smiled. "I'm glad I get to share this kind of stuff with you guys now." She hugged Kathryn back. "I never really had any girl contact."

"She was really my only source for a while." I assured Konan, pointing at Kathryn. "Now that she and I are here, you can use us for any girl issue you might have. I don't care when or where it is. We're here for you now." I smirked. "This goes especially for our situation in a base full of testosterone driven males that severely lack any knowledge on females for the most part."

"They're manly men." Kathryn grinned.

"And yet they're not." I laughed.

Konan giggled. "You're both so awesome. I needed this day to bond with you girls."

"To tell you the truth, I needed it too." I told her. "I'm okay with things like this with girls I can stand. I love you and Kathryn."

"We love you too Alice!" Kathryn squealed.

**Third Person!**

"Where are Kathryn and Alice, un?" Deidara questioned, walking into the kitchen. Itachi and Kisame were sitting at the table eating a well made breakfast, courtesy of Alice.

Itachi glanced up at him. "They went out with Konan."

"She abducted them." Kisame added.

Deidara raised his eyebrow. "Where did they go, yeah?"

"Probably to the village." Itachi said with a shrug. "Konan never told us. She said we weren't allowed to know."

Deidara nodded in understanding before helping himself to breakfast.

"Why is it so quiet?" Sasori wondered asked as he joined them in the kitchen. He looked at Deidara and was surprised Kathryn wasn't latched onto him. He was likewise surprised not to see Alice attached to Itachi's side.

"Alice and Kathryn went out with Konan, un." Deidara informed him after swallowing a huge mouthful of what Alice had called bacon many times before.

Sasori raised his eyebrow. "Is that safe?"

"Nothing will harm them. Konan is an exceptional ninja." Itachi stated. "Alice and Kathryn are perfectly safe with her."

"I was worried about _Konan's_ wellbeing. She _is_ lugging around Kathryn after all." Sasori clarified. Kisame started snickering.

Deidara looked up. "Hey, un!" He glared at Sasori. "Don't talk about Kathryn like that Danna, un."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "You know it's true. Don't deny it Brat."

"I don't believe Kathryn will be an issue. Alice is there to supervise. She can keep Kathryn under control." Kisame stated with a chuckle. "I'd be more worried about Alice beating the shit out of Kathryn. She's been in a bad mood the past few days. So if Kathryn annoys her, Alice will take her out."

"She's been in pain." Itachi said calmly, looking at his partner. "She's been trying to hide it, but it's evident in her body language and in her eyes."

"I've seen it too." Sasori agreed. "She isn't arguing with me like she usually does."

"That is a sure sign that Alice is in pain." Kakuzu's voice said from the doorway. He walked in with Hidan behind him. "Pein said Konan took Alice and Kathryn out to get a break from all of us men."

Hidan scoffed as he sat beside the stitched miser and Deidara at the table. "So that's why it's so fucking quiet."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Back to the topic at hand," he looked to Itachi. "I've just about completed the serum for Alice's back. I just need Zetsu to give me one other thing before I can test it on Hidan."

Hidan scoffed again. "Little bitch better appreciate this."

"She probably already does, Hidan." Itachi stated. "Alice is very considerate and appreciative. You know that."

"Yeah I know. Crazy little bitch." Hidan said, shaking his head at the thought of Alice.

Kisame grinned. "She is crazy, but she's a good kid."

Sasori shook his head and sighed. "She's a pain in the ass. Kathryn's worse though." Deidara glared at his Danna

"The skinny bitch is more easy-going about shit for the most part though." Hidan commented. "Alice get's angrier about shit easily while Kathryn just kind of fucking laughs about it and hugs Deidara."

"Alice is less annoying though." Kakuzu stated. He cared for both girls, but Kathryn was too exuberant for his tastes.

"And I think it's hilarious when she gets angry. She's so feisty. Especially towards Sasori when he pesters her." Kisame chuckled.

"**Do you guys ever notice how much more peaceful and quiet it is when Alice and Kathryn aren't here?** I think it's kind of boring and lonely. **I think it's nice.**" Zetsu said as he phased into the kitchen.

"It _is _quiet, un." Deidara stated. "But I wouldn't call it peaceful, yeah."

"I would." Sasori and Kakuzu deadpanned.

"I don't fucking like it." Hidan said, agreeing with Deidara. "I already fucking miss arguing with the crazy bitch. And watching the skinny one piss the puppet fucker off."

Sasori sighed. "That brat doesn't piss me off as much as she annoys me. But, I find her entertaining most of the time so she's bearable."

"Whatever Danna. You love Kathryn, un." Deidara challenged.

"You also are very close with Alice." Itachi added. "Deidara is right. You all hold more affection towards our newest additions than you admit." He dipped his head at Kisame. "Only Kisame, Deidara, and I are truly honest in our opinions of Alice and Kathryn."

"**I think they're both stupid.** No you don't. I think Alice and Kathryn are very nice. **Nobody asked for your opinion. **You're an asshole." Zetsu argued.

"That doesn't change the fact that it's fucking boring here without them!" Hidan protested. "What the hell are they doing anyways? They need to hurry the fuck up!"

"What _are_ they doing, un?" Deidara questioned.

**First Person Alice!**

"So what do you guys want to do now?" Konan wondered as we left something akin to a mall. I didn't know they had stuff like that here in this world. But it was awesome.

I shrugged. "I'm up for anything. I don't care what we do."

Kathryn skipped around us. "I don't care!"

It was around that time that something new caught my attention.

Now I had just been looking around, curiously inspecting the village surrounding me when my eyes fell on something wonderful and promising.

There was a sign that had the typical "Free Puppies to good home!" in front of a more spaced-out part of the city. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped slightly at my discovery.

"Alice?" Konan asked. There was concern in her voice at my sudden stop and shocked gaze. She shook me gently, trying to break me out of my trance.

Kathryn had obviously followed my gaze because she sighed a second later. "Oh no."

"What?" Konan questioned. "What's wrong with her?"

Kathryn pointed at the sign. "Alice has an unhealthy obsession with wolves, puppies, dogs, and essentially anything else canine. Wolves are her favorites but this sign says puppies. I think she'll be staring at it until she finds something more distracting or we go and see the puppies." Kathryn explained.

"Shut the hell up Kathryn." I said, still staring at the sign. "Don't judge my love for dogs. Or I will judge your love for owls. It's extremely misplaced. How can you not love such a perfect animal? Canines are just fantastic. There is nothing better."

Konan laughed. "We can go and see the puppies, Alice."

"We're never going to be going home unless you get her one." Kathryn sighed. Konan grabbed my hand and led me towards the house with the gift from any and all gods.

Puppies.

Now, don't get Kathryn wrong. She loves dogs just as much as anyone else, but she is more of a cat person. Her favorite animal is an owl though, hence her necklace. Her love for dogs however cannot come close to mine.

I have a problem.

I love dogs almost as much as I love Itachi.

And that is fucking saying something.

"Awe, they're so cute." Kathryn said from ahead of us. She was crouching beside a small fenced-in portion of a yard. "Alice is going to eat you with affection little puppies!"

I scoffed as I made it to the little fenced in area with Konan. "As if I could ever hurt something so precious… That's like asking me to punch Itachi in the face."

Kathryn raised her eyebrow. "And you call me weird?"

"Shut up." I growled, stepping into the puppy arena to sit with them. Konan and Kathryn followed me and sat in separate corners. "At least I'm not childish or obsessed with owls."

"I'm not afraid of escalators. Nor am I extremely obsessed with anime and dogs." Kathryn challenged.

I glared. "Leave escalators out of this."

She smirked. "Then don't be mean."

"You started it." I countered.

Konan giggled. "You two are so goofy. Stop arguing and focus on our little friends. They really are adorable." She stroked the fur of a white puppy.

"Puppies." I muttered. I smirked in victory when I noticed half of the six puppies were around me. Two had gone to Konan and Kathryn was greeted only with one. Ha! Dogs totally had good judgment of character. They know dog people when they see them.

I felt kind of weird about sitting on the hard ground playing with these random puppies. Something was in the back of my mind, telling me I would regret sitting here, but I ignored it in favor of petting the little balls of wondrous joy.

I should have listened to the nagging in my mind.

Though, I should have expected this.

Damn my defective physicality.

* * *

_So yeah, I've decided to do the deleted scenes thing as an early birthday present for my lovelies._

_It will **not** be added to this story. It'll be it's own little one as deleted scenes from the original (possibly this one later on). Nothing special though. It's mainly just a way for me to relax and rant without messing up this storyline too much. _

_I'm stressed people._

_But that means that you guy can throw in as many little ideas and stuff that you want. I always welcome those. And I **might** consider adding in an OC for one chapter depending on my mood, the OC, and the situation. Since you guys obviously love this story so much, I'm really considering it._

_But, it all depends on what's going down in Dani's town. (That's my actual name btw if you didn't know).  
_

_Anywho, Brandon, Sethy-Poo, Blake and I are having an all nighter Naruto and Bleach Palooza at Brandon's house, just for fun._

_And for those of you who read Snatched, I've been thinking it over, and I'm going to try working on it some more. TRY. No promises that it will be good._

_My dog smiles and it looks like she's snarling._

_It's cute. I call her Fat Dog._

_Anyways, thanks for your reviews. I love you all. Obsessively..._

_That's creepy. I'm done. lol_

_No but really, thanks.  
_

**QotC**_: I'm running out of questions so BLAM! Favorite animal? And why is it your favorite animal?  
_

_Well, I'm done right now. I can't think up any fun things to talk about._

_So toodles my dearies.  
_


	21. Chapter 21

_Happy Easter guys._

_Not a lot to talk about other than my entire family is here._

_Sorry for typos and stuff. I'm kinda in a hurry.  
_

_Have a nice day and enjoy_

_I own nothing except for the Ocs  
_

* * *

"Come on you two. I think it's time we head back. Though this is supposed to be our day off, Pein and I have a mission to go on tomorrow morning so I can't stay out too late." Konan said with a smile, getting to her feet.

I had been becoming increasingly aware of a searing pain somewhere in my body. However, I had become so numb over the past few days that I couldn't pinpoint the location.

That wasn't good.

Kathryn got up as well and offered a hand to help me up.

Smiling at her, I accepted her hand and allowed her to pull me to my feet.

Yeah. Bad mistake…

Pain shot throughout my body and essentially made my legs give in. I went to my knee the second I moved from my sitting position. I would have fallen over had Kathryn not caught me a second before I hit the ground.

"Alice?" Kathryn asked.

I shook my head, biting back whimpers of pain.

She noticed.

"Your back." Kathryn whispered. She knelt in front of me and helped support me. She looked up at Konan when I locked my jaw. "Konan, Alice isn't going to be moving any time soon." She stroked the hair on my head gently. "She's in pain."

"I'm fine." I growled. Kathryn sighed and shook her head as she pet me.

Konan knelt beside me as well. "What do we do? I could carry her?"

"You don't need to do that." I sighed. "Just give me a second. I just need to adjust to the pain, and then I'll be fine."

Kathryn frowned. "Alice, you're in no condition to move. Let Konan help you."

I sighed again. "Fine."

Konan curled her arm around my shoulders. "You'll need to stand up."

I tried and went even further down than before. The second I fell on my ass, my composure of holding back pain broke slightly and a small gasp of pain broke through. Kathryn's eyes widened with worry.

"Alice! Are you okay?" Kathryn demanded. "Konan, I don't think she can move on her own. At all. Should we call the others?"

Konan nodded, pressing her hand gently against my back. I saw her pouring chakra into my back as she tried to ease some of my pain.

"Don't waste your energy, Konan." I sighed. "How are we supposed to call the others?"

"I can summon them with my chakra." Konan stated. "I'll do it right now."

I watched her make a hand sign of concentration as I sat, wincing at the throbbing of my entire body that was stemming from my back.

**Third Person!**

Itachi frowned and raised his eyebrow as he felt an unnatural flare of Konan's chakra. He looked at Sasori who sat beside him. "Did you also sense that?"

Sasori had stopped recording the results of testing the serum on Hidan to look towards the direction of Konan's chakra. He glanced at Itachi when the Uchiha addressed him. "I did."

"It's flaring unnaturally. It's like she's trying to gain our attention." Kakuzu commented from the couch across from the two men.

Itachi narrowed his eyes. "I think a few of us should go to check it out. No more than two though. It will draw suspicion if all of us go."

Kisame looked away from Hidan and Deidara arm wrestling to stare at his partner. "Me and you go then?"

Sasori nodded. "That would be wise." He looked back to Itachi from Kisame. "Go and make sure everything is alright you two. Flare your chakra if you need backup."

Itachi dipped his head and stood in one fluid motion while Kisame heaved his large form off the couch and towards the exit of the room. Once beyond the confines of the living room, Itachi and Kisame sped through and from the base with all speed.

"This is a strange part of the city to be hanging out in." Kisame commented as they neared Konan's chakra source.

"Indeed." Itachi agreed.

The duo fell silent as they approached the threesome. Within a few minutes, Itachi's eyes found Konan and Kathryn crouched beside Alice. All three women were sitting in a fenced in area filled with puppies. Those puppies were crowded around the girls, tails wagging.

Konan and Kathryn looked up at Itachi and Kisame's arrival but neither woman moved to greet them. His eyes narrowed further when Alice didn't move at all. She sat between Kathryn and Konan with her face buried into her hand while Kathryn hugged her front gently, petting her head as if trying to soothe her.

"What's wrong?" Itachi wondered. "Why did you flare your chakra Konan?"

"I need your help." Konan confessed. "Alice can't move." She motioned down to the brown haired girl beside her.

Alice scoffed but winced in the same instant. "I'm fine. You're blowing this out of proportions." Both Itachi and Kisame could hear the strain and pain in her voice.

"She can't even get up." Kathryn told Itachi, completely ignoring Alice. "Her back is giving out on her."

"Don't say it like that. It makes me sound old and brittle." Alice sighed.

Itachi approached and knelt in front of Alice. "Alice, tell me the truth. Is your back the cause of your pain?"

"Yes." Alice stated. "But I'll be okay. It's my own fault. I shouldn't have sat here in this position. Don't worry about it."

"I already am." Itachi assured her. "Kisame, will you carry Alice back to base?" He glanced at his partner. "Your arms are bigger than mine and you're stronger so you'll be able to support her better. You must be very gentle though."

"Got it." Kisame nodded. "I'd never be anything less than extremely gentle with little Alice." He walked over to Alice and Itachi and knelt beside them. "You okay kid?"

**First Person Alice!**

If one more person asks me this question, I'll kill them.

"I'm fine Kisame. Just a bit sore." I sighed. "How are you?"

Itachi sighed. "Alice…" He kissed the side of my head. "Kisame is going to pick you up. Brace yourself okay?"

"Roger." I said. Kisame curled his arm around my shoulder blade and tucked his other under my knees before he lifted me off the ground as gently as possible.

I swallowed the whimper of pain and hid the wince.

My back was more trouble than it was worth.

Itachi tore his eyes from me to look at Kathryn. "Kathryn, I will carry you back to the base so we can get back quickly."

Kathryn nodded. "Okay." Itachi picked her up bridal style. After a silent conversation with Konan and Kisame, all three ninjas took off in the direction of the base.

Running with Kisame wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but it was still pretty bad. I shouldn't have sat there like that. It was an idiot move on my part.

We made it back to the base within a few minutes. After making sure I was going to be fine, Konan departed to go and discuss her upcoming mission with Pein.

Itachi set Kathryn down when we made it inside and led her, Kisame, and I through the base and straight to the room he and I shared. He looked at Kisame once we reached it and gestured to his bed. "Set her there, Kisame."

Kisame did as he asked and gently set me on the bed. I kissed his cheek before he pulled away. "Thanks Kisame."

He smiled at me and kissed my forehead. "Don't mention it kid."

Kathryn looked at Itachi. "I'll go and get Danna."

Itachi dipped his head. "That would be appreciated. Thank you Kathryn."

She smiled at him before throwing a worried look at me as she ran from the room.

Itachi sat beside me on his side of the bed while Kisame sat at my other side. Itachi ran his fingers gently through my hair as he rested his forehead against mine. "Alice, are you alright?" When I opened my mouth to speak, he silenced me with a kiss. "I want the truth."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "I'm in pain, but I'll be alright."

A knock on the door caught all of our attention. Itachi called for whoever was there to enter and Sasori walked in with Deidara, and Kathryn.

Kisame got up when Sasori got closer and allowed the puppet master to sit beside me on the bed. I gave him a sarcastic smirk which he rolled his eyes at.

"You're ridiculous." He told me.

I nodded. "You would know." He chuckled at patted my forehead.

"I finished the serum. I tested it on Hidan while you were gone and it should work." Sasori stated. "Since you seem to be in so much pain, now is probably the best time to give it to you." He reached into a small bag he had brought with him.

I stopped him by grabbing his hand. "Wait." He raised his eyebrow. I motioned for him to come closer to I could whisper in his ear. Once he did, I questioned him. "Is it an injection?"

He nodded, looking confused. "It is."

I dipped my head and looked at Kathryn. "Hey Kat, will you go and get me a glass of water? I'm kind of thirsty."

She smiled and nodded. "Of course I will Alice."

"Thank you." I told her. She saluted me before skipping from the room.

Sasori raised his eyebrow at me. "What was that about?"

"Kathryn has a really bad fear of syringes. It's worse than my fear of escalators." I told him. "If you're going to give me this, you have to make sure she doesn't see it or she will freak out. So keep all of them out of sight. Even if it's just lying there, she'll break down into a fit."

"I see." Sasori stated. He looked at Deidara. "Make sure she isn't coming yet."

Deidara nodded and went to stand in the doorway. He watched both the hallway outside of Itachi's room and me as Sasori withdrew a syringe filled with a blue liquid. The puppet master cleaned the injection site before sticking me with the needle.

I watched with moderate interest as he stuck me in the arm with the needle and injected the blue shit into my body. Once the syringe was empty, he pulled the needle out and hid it back in the depths of the bag he brought with him.

"It should start working in the next few minutes." Sasori told me. "If you feel weird or strange, come and see me. I made something to counteract the serum just in case. Since Hidan is different than you, I had to be sure I had something that could help you if it was too strong."

I smiled. "You're so considerate Sasori."

He rolled his eyes.

"Thank you." I told him. "Really."

He patted my forehead again. "Don't mention it."

"Alice!" Kathryn's voice called. I looked towards the doorway with the others to see Kathryn skip into the room. She kissed Deidara's cheek before hurrying to the bed. She kissed Sasori's cheek as she offered me the glass of water. "Here you go Alice."

"Thanks Kathryn." I told her. "Can you set it on the table, I can't really sit up to drink it right now." She pouted at my inability to move before obeying.

"Did you give her the serum Danna?" Kathryn asked.

Sasori nodded. "Yeah I did." He pet Kathryn's hair when she hugged him. "What were you three doing out there?"

"Nothing~!" Kathryn sang. She kissed his cheek again before attacking Deidara. She nuzzled him. "Let's go make babies Dei."

Deidara chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "You're cute Kathryn, un."

She giggled and hugged him tighter. "We were just having some girl time Danna."

"How did you come to be in this condition Alice?" Itachi wondered.

I looked at him. "I sat in a bad spot for too long. I didn't even notice. My body has become numb over the past few days."

"How didn't you notice the position was bad for your back?" Sasori questioned. "That's an idiotic move on your part Alice."

"There were puppies." I explained looking at him.

"Puppies?" Itachi wondered, smiling at my excuse.

Sasori raised his eyebrow at me. "You allowed your condition to worsen because there were puppies?"

I gave him a serious face. "I _love_ puppies."

Kathryn giggled. "She really does Danna. Alice is obsessed. She loves them almost as much as she loves Itachi."

"And that is saying _**A LOT**_." I informed him.

Itachi chuckled and kissed me. "You're so strange."

I smirked. "I try." I looked at Sasori. "That serum is working. The pain is fading. Good work sir."

He scoffed. "Of course it's working. I made it."

I laughed. "Good point. Though, you probably poisoned me."

"I was tempted." He assured me with a smirk.

"I bet." I said, giggling. "I wouldn't put it past you."

Sasori chuckled and stood. "The serum I gave you should last for a while. If you need more, feel free to ask me. I have more. And I can always make some if we run out."

"Sounds good." I said with a smile. "Thanks Sasori."

"Thank you, Sasori." Itachi agreed, looking at the ex-Suna-nin.

Sasori nodded and waved away our thanks. He bid us farewell before he left with Kathryn and Deidara.

Kisame left a few minutes later saying that he wanted to give Itachi and I some "alone time". He was snickering about it as he left the room, telling us to be responsible.

Damn fish.

He's so lucky I love him.

Itachi sighed and shook his head at his partner's antics as the door shut behind him. A second later he curled his arm around my waist and positioned himself so he was looming over me from beside me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, kissing me.

I kissed him back as I thought over his question. "I feel a hell of a lot better. That serum Sasori made is doing a great job. There's a bit of discomfort still, but there's no more pain."

Itachi sighed with relief and kissed me again. "That's good." He nuzzled my face with his nose. "I was worried."

"I know you were." I told him. "I'm sorry."

His eyes narrowed. "Don't apologize for something you cannot help, Alice. I don't blame you in the slightest. It's not your fault."

"I still don't like to worry you." I stated.

"Too bad." He told me in a stubborn tone. He smirked and kissed me again.

Now, there are a lot of fantastic things in this world. Hugs are now probably my second favorite, and Kisame wins the hug-factor with his Kisame bear hugs. However, kisses are my new favorite and Itachi wins this factor.

By far.

I could feel his love and happiness with the gesture. And I responded with the same emotions since those were the main two I felt around Itachi.

Other than an intense desire. But I felt that from him too so I wasn't alone.

Like so many times before, I permitted his tongue into my mouth when it prodded my lower lip, seeking entrance. And like always, he was always so gentle. He didn't try to shove it down my throat, nor did he try to attack my tongue with his even in his most "excited" state.

I'm not sure if that's the right word to describe Itachi. He got into kissing me, but he was always so stoic, I don't ever think I could call it excitement. Maybe just "into it"… Perhaps eager would be the closest term I could get to being accurate.

I'm not going to go into detail with our kissing since it's rude to kiss and tell, but I will say that it was amazing, and we were both getting into it.

Itachi threaded the fingers of one of his hands in my hair while the other kept my face connected to his. My hands were likewise on his face and in his hair. Both of us were preventing separation. I almost laughed at our eagerness, but this was a serious situation so I held it in.

Itachi removed his hand from my face as he rolled on top of me. He used the hand on my face to help prop himself up so he wouldn't have all of his weight on me. The hand in my hair fisted more as he kissed me passionately.

Yeah. My life was perfect.

* * *

_How can life not be perfect when you have the Akatsuki in your life?_

_Anyways, gotta go to my uncle's funeral tomorrow so yeah..._

Answer to last chapter: _Wolves are my _absolute_** favorite** animal. I like Tigers too, but wolves take the cake. They're just so cute and incredible._

**QotC: **_Who is your least favorite Naruto character and why?_

_(btw, things get interesting soon. Give it 2 more chapters.)_

_Have a happy easter. And if you don't celebrate it, have a nice day anyways._

_I 3 u! (Not in a creepy way)  
_

_Bye~~  
_


	22. Chapter 22

_Yeah, two updates today._

_It's a holiday so I'm giving you this as a gift._

_I don't own Naruto.  
_

* * *

I pouted in my sleep as the warmth around me shifted slightly.

I grabbed around me until I found the source of my comfort and pulled myself against it. A deep, sexy, tired chuckle was my reward before a kiss to my forehead was given.

"Good morning, my love." Itachi said groggily to me.

I smiled at both his tone and his voice in general. "Morning."

He kissed me again. "It's time to get up."

I shook my head. "Nope. Too tired." I opened my good eye to look at him. "I know you're tired. So sleep."

He chuckled again and kissed me, nuzzling my cheek with his nose as he pulled me into his embrace. "I am a little tired too, but we can't sleep all day."

"So don't sleep. Just lay here with me until we get interrupted like we always do." I told him, kissing him back. Fuck morning breath. I wanted my weasel.

"We didn't get interrupted last night." He reminded me.

I hid a blush with a smirk. "This is true."

"Did you enjoy it?" He questioned, kissing away at my neck.

"I've never enjoyed anything more." I assured him.

He kissed me on the lips. "I could say the same."

"Good." I smiled. "Because I could do that forever."

He smiled and shrugged. "Though I doubt either of us has enough energy for that, it would be fine with me."

"Damn right it would be." I muttered. Something flashed through my memory and prompted giggles.

Itachi raised his eyebrow at me. "What's so funny?"

"We threw Kisame's warning out the window." I snickered.

He chuckled as well. "It'll be our little secret."

"Fair enough." I shrugged.

He kissed my nose. "How is your back?"

"There's no pain. I'm fine." I told him. "Sasori is good at making me drugs."

Itachi sighed and hugged me. "That's good."

"ALICE! HIDAN IS PICKING ON ME!" Kathryn shouted from somewhere in the base.

I sighed. "Damn it." He chuckled. "I guess this means we should get up."

He smirked. "That would be wise. It might be pretty awkward if one of them barged in here when we're like this."

I looked between us and started laughing. "Alright. We'll get up." Kicking the covers off, I rolled out of bed and went to the closet. I extracted my clothes and pulled them on before I noticed Itachi was watching me.

I turned around to look at him. "What?" He was lying on the bed, still in all of his naked glory, watching me with a look of content perverseness.

Typical man.

He shook his head. "Nothing. You're just so pretty."

I gave him a look. "Get dressed you pervert."

Itachi chuckled at my tone before getting up. I raped him with my eyes as he gathered his clothing. Tearing my eyes away from him, I went to the bathroom and did everything else I needed to do before going out to being babysitter.

I waited for Itachi to be ready before we both set out for the kitchen. When we got there, I instantly smacked my forehead.

Hidan was on the floor, cussing under his breath while Kathryn sat on his back proudly. Sasori was sitting at the table, dusting his hands off. Deidara was gawking at him with pure amusement and shock on his face. Kakuzu was watching boredly, unfazed by the situation. Kisame was laughing as usual. He always finds the amusement in every situation.

That's why he's so lovable.

"What happened in here?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

Hidan looked up at me. "Don't fucking ask." He grumbled to himself as Kathryn hopped away from him to join Deidara at the table so she could eat.

"I'm asking." I stated.

Kathryn giggled. "Hidan was being mean to me, so Danna beat him up for me."

I looked at Sasori.

"He admitted to writing doll on my puppets." Sasori stated. "The fact that he was picking on the brat was just another excuse to injure him."

I sighed and shrugged. "Whatever."

Itachi chuckled and followed me to the table. I looked around at the food on said table and raised my eyebrow. "So, who made breakfast today?"

"Zetsu." Kakuzu said boredly.

I shuddered. "I think I'm going to skip breakfast today. I have a feeling I might be eating human if I eat whatever he made."

Kathryn and Deidara both paused mid-bite. They made disgusted faces and slowly put the food back on their plates. I started laughing at their identical reactions.

Hidan paused to look at the piece of what looked like sausage he was eating. He stared at it for a minute before shrugging and continuing to eat.

Kathryn frowned at Hidan before leaning over to Deidara. She cupped her hand around her mouth and whispered into his ear. "I bet he's eating the penis."

Deidara spewed the water he had just took a sip of and burst out laughing. He buried his face into his arms on the table, trying to muffle his laughter. Kathryn giggled beside him and watched him with nothing but adoration and love in her eyes.

Normally I would have found it funny, but Deidara spewed his water across the table.

On me.

Dumbass.

"What's so funny brat?" Sasori asked, raising an eyebrow at his partner.

Deidara started laughing again. His body shook with laughter and he shook his blond head that was still buried in his arms, letting Sasori know that he couldn't talk about it.

Kathryn giggled. "I made Dei laugh." She hugged him around his middle and kissed the part of his face she could reach. "He's so freaking adorable."

"Deidara." I said calmly. My tone, though calm, was laced with irritation.

Deidara lifted his head up, still chortling, to look at me. His laughter faded when he took in my irritated expression and annoyed eye twitch. "Yes Alice, un?"

"You should cover your mouth." I said with a sigh. I grabbed a napkin and used it to wipe the water off my face. "That was disgusting."

"Sorry Alice, un." He snickered. "Kathryn said something funny and I couldn't control myself, yeah. I really am sorry about that, un."

I nodded. "It's quite alright Deidara. It was funny, but I lost all amusement when I was sprayed with water." I sighed again and looked at Kathryn. "If that's true, I will never let him live it down."

She giggled and gave me a high five me over the table. "I'll help." Deidara started snickering again.

"What are you three laughing about?" Kakuzu asked.

I smirked. "You remember my comment about breakfast being made from human?" When he nodded I continued. "Kathryn said that Hidan was eating the penis of the potential person since he didn't stop eating after my comment."

Kakuzu chuckled and rolled his eyes. Sasori just sighed. Kisame snickered and Itachi raised his eyebrows with a tiny hint of amusement on his face. Hidan glared.

"Fuck you bitch. It's not a fucking penis." Hidan snapped.

"You would know, wouldn't you?" I teased, giving him a smirk.

He slammed a knife in the table and got up to kill me. "That's it. I'm fucking killing that crazy bitch."

"Kakuzu~! Control your bitch!" I whined, hiding behind Kisame and Itachi.

Kakuzu grabbed the back of Hidan's cloak and forced him back in the chair. "Behave you moron."

"Fucking bitch." Hidan grumbled, throwing death glares at me as he obeyed his partner.

I cracked my knuckles, making a show of it before flipping Hidan off, and skipped around the table until I was beside Kakuzu. When I reached him, I threw a hug on him, wrapping my arms around his neck and giving him a gentle, loving kiss on his masked cheek.

"Kakuzu my dear, what is your favorite breakfast food?" I wondered.

"I don't care." He sighed. "Why?"

I smirked. "I'm taking a poll. Now answer the questions. I want to know your meal of choice for all three meals."

"I honestly couldn't care less. You know my favorite food. So why are you asking?" Kakuzu growled.

I sighed. "You're so difficult. I'm making breakfast tomorrow, and I want to know what I should make. Plus you saved me from the asshole, so you get spoiled."

"Make what you always make." Kakuzu stated. "That's good enough for me."

"Boring." I pouted. In truth, I already had a bunch of food planned for tomorrow. It was Kakuzu's birthday so I was going to do whatever I could to make it nice for him. Even if I had to knock Hidan out and lock him in a closet.

Hey, he'd get the same special treatment on his birthday.

I don't play favorites.

That much…

* * *

The next morning I woke up before anyone and slipped out of bed. I quickly got ready for the day. Once I was done, I snuck out of my room, leaving a sleeping Itachi to his dreams.

I crept to Deidara and Kathryn's room and snuck in. Kathryn was up, just as planned. Deidara was passed out on the bed, his shirt off and his legs and arms sprawled about randomly. His hair was down and strewn about the pillows as he snored with his mouth agape.

Exactly how Kathryn slept…

They are so alike.

She smiled at me from her spot beside Deidara's things and lifted a belt with two bags up. She snickered evilly before running to me. We both fled from the room silently, taking Deidara's clay with us so he didn't wake everyone up with explosions.

She and I hurried to the kitchen and I began my all out breakfast. I had been watching Kakuzu like a hawk the past few days to try and see what kind of breakfast foods be preferred. I noticed usually went for the meat, so I worked extra hard on that stuff.

I made EVERYTHING. I had enough food for an army and just enough for the Akatsuki. Kisame, Zetsu, Deidara, and Hidan ate anything and everything that wasn't nailed down. Kakuzu ate a lot too, but he didn't eat like a ravenous animal that had been starved the better portion of a year. I swear some of these guys are bottomless pits.

Kisame, as usual, was the first one up. Sasori didn't sleep, but he never comes out of his room until Deidara gets up, and he was usually the second to last out of his room.

Hidan's always last.

Lazy bastard…

Anyways, Kisame walked into the kitchen and raised his eyebrows at me, Kathryn and the plethora of food we were making. "What's going on in here?"

I grinned at him. "It's Kakuzu's birthday."

"Is it?" He wondered, kissing the top of my head. "I forgot what day it was." He gave me a one armed hug and ruffled my hair when I glomped him.

"Alice and I got him gifts too." Kathryn said cheerfully.

Kisame grinned. "I hope you didn't spend too much money on them. He'll flip out."

"We didn't spend any." I assured him. I winked. "You'll see."

Kakuzu came in the kitchen about ten minutes later. Second to the kitchen like usual.

"Happy birthday Kakuzu!" I said happily, throwing a hug on him. Kathryn copied me a second later. Kisame sat at the table, chuckling at our enthusiasm.

Kakuzu raised his eyebrow at us. "Thanks?" He looked around the kitchen before looking at me. "Your questions were for this weren't they?"

I nodded. "You're so smart." He rolled his eyes and patted my head before going to the table. He sat in his usual seat and watched me make him a plate and a drink.

"Happy birthday Kakuzu." Kisame stated, smirking. "They've been up for a while making all this for you."

Kakuzu dipped his head. "Thanks." He said when I gave him his food.

"We stole Dei's clay so he didn't wake you up with explosions too." Kathryn chirped.

Kisame snickered. "They're dedicated."

I rolled my eyes. "We'll give you your presents later."

Kakuzu looked at me. "I hope you didn't spend any of my money on them."

"None." I stated with a smirk. "We didn't spend anything at all."

"I'm gonna go and get Danna and Dei." Kathryn said a few minutes later. She skipped from the room, leaving me with Kisame and Kakuzu.

I sighed. "I'm going to get Itachi. I'll let Hidan sleep so he doesn't annoy you, Kakuzu."

Around the time Itachi and I had returned the kitchen, Hidan had decided to get up. He shuffled in, yawning hugely.

"Happy birthday you greedy fucker." Hidan yawned, going straight for the food.

I smiled at their relationship before looking at Kakuzu. "Kathryn and I got you presents. You can have them now because I'll probably be spending all day with Pein. He and I have plans to review."

Wonderful timing Pein… Arranging a meeting with me on Kakuzu's birthday.

He's lucky I love him…

However, it was because of our little meeting that I wouldn't be able to do something _big_ for Kakuzu. He probably wouldn't like it anyways. Kakuzu's more of a laid back kind of guy. He doesn't like to be the center of attention or anything and he likes peace and quiet.

He liked food and money.

Simple things really.

I did bribe Hidan to leave him alone all day though.

He shrugged. "Whatever."

I smirked. "First know that I got you a shit load of liver that you can eat for dinner and whenever else you want it. I can make it for you at anytime. All you need to do is ask." He glared at me but didn't speak as I held up my hand. "Don't worry. I stole it."

A few of them look surprised.

"Your security is nothing like it is back in my world. I know how to get by ours too. Louis taught me everything he knew." I informed them. I looked at Kathryn. "Go and get him your present. I hid mine in the cabinets before I came and got you this morning."

Kathryn disappeared as she ran from the room, only to return a few minutes later. She dropped a large bag before him on the table. "Happy day of birth!"

He rolled his eyes and withdrew the contents. Kathryn had stolen him some ninja tools and a _very_ large wallet. She then handed him a paddle looking thing. She said it was for him to discipline Hidan with. The others thought it was pretty funny. Kakuzu even chuckled and rumpled Kathryn's hair.

"Thanks kid." He told her.

His favorite gift was Hidan's swear jar. Every time Hidan swore, he had to give Kakuzu a single coin. Kathryn and I got the idea from skimming the internet so technically it was from both of us.

Once Kathryn's presents were over and done with, I set my bag of gifts in front of him on the table. I got all of this stuff while we were out with Konan as well as the few trips we took to villages since I returned from Konoha.

His eyebrow rose when he saw a bunch of other wallets. "More wallets?"

"Open them silly." I said with a sigh.

He did and grinned beneath his mask when he saw large sums of money stuffed in each one. "You stole these?"

"Pickpocket." I confirmed. "Louis told me I was a natural." I smirked. "I commit crimes for you guys. Appreciate it." There were also a few "one free favor" cards. One for each year he was alive.

He was getting a lot of free favors.

Old man.

He chuckled. "I do." He rumpled my hair too. "Good work kid."

"Ah! Appreciation and praise!" I said dreamily. I looked at Sasori. "Don't worry Sasori, I appreciate you. Don't feel left out."

"You're hilarious." He stated.

I laughed, patted his head and gave him a quick hug. He glared at me but I was too busy dishing out love to the others. I kissed Kakuzu and Kisame's cheek. I hugged Deidara and Hidan before kissing Itachi fully.

"I'm going to see Pein now." I announced. I hugged Kathryn before darting from the kitchen. I paused and poked my head back into the kitchen. "If anyone is mean or rude to Kakuzu on his birthday, I swear I'll brutally injure you. I'll lock you in a closet with Tobi after I feed him an entire bag of sugar. So be nice to him. Hidan, that means you."

And with that, I skipped through the base to our dearest leader's office.

Pein and I had some planning to do.

* * *

_Things are going to get a little intense next chapter._

_Sorry for Kakuzu's lame birthday. However, I see him as a quiet, I-don't-want-anything-special-because-I-don't-want-to-clean-up-the-mess kind of guy. Plus, parties = money and Kakuzu loves his money._

_Oh and I'll be putting up the ItachiXAlice lemon soon. It's not good because I suck at serious situations. So be sure to tell me how bad it sucks when it's up.  
_

Answer to last Chapter: _My least favorite characters are Kabuto and Danzo. I hate both of them with a burning passion. Kabuto is a little fucker who messes with the dead. Danzo is just a little thieving asshole. My least favorite female would probably have to be Karin because she annoys me because her head is halfway up Sasuke's ass throughout all of her screen time._

_Because I'm running out of good questions to ask, I'm going to start giving you guys little fun facts. It's about anything I can think of. But for a while, it'll be about Alice and Kathryn._

_**Fun Fact**:_ _Alice is partially blind. She can see only blurs in her right eye. That's why she always says "my good eye"._

**QotC: **_Favorite color? Also why is it your favorite color?/What does it remind you of? We'll go with top three favorite colors if you can't pick just one._

_Again, have a nice Easter._

_And I hope you enjoyed the gift chapter._

_Adios  
_


	23. Chapter 23

_Chapter 23._

_300+ reviews in 23 chapters is redonk guys._

_I love you. And I owe you tons._

_So thank you all for your love._

_I appreciate all of you who have stuck with me since the beginning and I thank all of you who read through this long ass story to catch up._

_Really, thank you._

_Btw, I'll probably update early because this chapter is short.  
_

_I don't own Naruto.  
_

* * *

Staring contests can be quite difficult.

Usually I pride myself on my ability to give a glare or blank face in any situation, sometimes not blinking at all. However, I was going to lose this one.

Pein was totally going to kick my ass and he didn't even know we were having a staring contest. I just started it out of the blue because I swear I haven't seen this guy blink since I came in here like five hours ago.

"Alice, is there a reason you are staring at me like that?" Pein asked.

"Do you blink?" I wondered, looking at him properly.

He blinked as if to prove me wrong. "Yes I do. What made you think otherwise?"

"You haven't blinked at all since I came in here this morning." I informed him.

He chuckled. "I have Alice, blinks are fast though."

I leaned back in my seat and gave him a skeptical look. "I think you're lying just to pacify me." He rolled his eyes and I grinned. "So, anything else you wanna add to the plans?"

He shook his head. "You and I will discuss this with Sasori and Deidara when it gets closer to the time for them to go after the one-tail. When that time comes, you will also show them the episodes of their battles."

"Got it." I nodded. "You're done with me then?"

He dipped his head. "I am. Thank you for your help, Alice."

I smiled at him. "Of course Pein. I'd go out there and collect the tailed beasts myself if it was a way to keep you guys safe."

He chuckled and moved in a random sequence of twitches and small movements.

I snickered and twitched my eye before cracking three of my knuckles on my left hand. He chuckled in response. Now that our conversation was done with, I made my way towards the door. I was ready to see my weasel again.

"Alice, before you go, I have something for you, Kathryn, Sasori, Deidara, Itachi, and Hidan." Pein stated. I paused and looked back at him to see him withdrawing a scroll. "This contains orders for all six of you."

"Right-o my fearless leader!" I said cheerfully, taking the scroll from him. He rolled his eyes at my teasing title. "Check ya later boss."

"I'll see you later, Alice." Pein said calmly.

I saluted at him before marching out of the room. I opened the scroll curiously to see it was written in Japanese. I sighed. I didn't know Japanese so this was just pretty pictures for me to stare at stupidly. I'd have to have Itachi or one of the other guys read it to me.

"Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, Kathryn, Hidan!" I called as I walked towards the living room. "Get your asses over here! We have business!" I smiled when I saw them already there, lounging around. "Good kids."

Sasori rolled his eyes at me. "What?"

"Have patience my dear Pinocchio!" I said, waving my finger at him. "You will soon know." I looked at Itachi and handed him the scroll. "Pein has orders for me, you, Kathryn, Sasori, Deidara, and Hidan."

Itachi opened the scroll and read it quickly before handing it to Sasori so he could do the same. "He wants us all to go to the village and gather supplies. However, the groups he has requested are a bit strange."

"How so?" I wondered.

Sasori looked at me. "You're babysitting the brats and Hidan. Itachi and I are together."

"Ah." I said. "That seems weird. Oh well, it's Pein. What can you expect?"

Kathryn latched onto Deidara. "Awe, we're together Dei!"

He chuckled and kissed her head. "I wouldn't have it any other way, un."

Kathryn squealed.

Hidan scoffed. "Fucking pussy."

"You have to deal with that." Sasori said calmly, jerking his thumb in their direction. I laughed and shrugged. I've dealt with worse.

"When do we leave?" I asked.

Itachi looked at me. "As soon as everyone is ready."

All I needed to do was get some shoes and say bye to Kakuzu and Kisame. Zetsu and Tobi were gone again. Separate missions though. Tobi was being Madara while Zetsu was spying on people.

They better be getting paid overtime.

Itachi and I got scolded by Sasori for taking a long time to get ready. We were actually just in our room, loving each other.

Not sex you perverts.

We were hugging and kissing and being loving and gooey. Basically we were confessing our love to each other yet again. We didn't get to do it often without interruption so we did it whenever we could.

I would do it every second if I could.

Once we were all ready, we departed to the village in our separate directions. Hidan was carrying me while Deidara carried Kathryn. Itachi and Sasori went to a different side of the village alone.

Village time with Hidan, Deidara, and Kathryn was both fun and annoying.

It was fun because Hidan and I had a shit load of fun teasing Kathryn and Deidara as well as making fun of people who was passed by on the street. He shares my hatred of people too so we had a good time planning deaths for everyone.

Deidara and I also had fun annoying Hidan though. Both boys were my partners in crime. Deidara was there for annoying, mischievous fun while Hidan was there for evil and violent fun. Kisame fit the bill for all the other areas. Though, he was Kathryn's preferred partner in crime other than Hidan when he wasn't teasing her with me.

Every single member had their own special way with the two of us. And I enjoyed every second with each one of them.

It was annoying because Deidara and Kathryn loved on each other the entire time and I had to keep shooting them glares to make sure they didn't stop to make out in the middle of the street. I also had to keep Deidara and Hidan from killing each other a few times too.

Fun times.

Anyways, once we had collected all but like three items on our half of the list, our little group left the village to go to a farm further away to gather the last three items. It was around the time we finished getting everything that Hidan started getting pissy.

And when Hidan gets pissy, he gets mean.

And he was directing that meanness at Kathryn.

I wasn't really listening to what he said, but something about his insult hurt her feelings and caused her to run away from our group after punching him in the head.

"Way to go dumbass, un!" Deidara snapped, turning on Hidan to kill him.

"Fuck off Blondie, I was only fucking teasing!" Hidan growled.

I sighed and shook my head at them. "Kill each other while I go and check on Kathryn." I walked away from them, leaving them on the road to go and see if Kathryn was alright.

She was pouting on a tree stump a good fifteen minute power walk beyond the tree line. She looked legitimately sad so I popped a squat beside her on the stump and pulled her into a hug. She accepted it by hugging me back.

"Just ignore Hidan. He always gets meaner when he's complaining." I soothed. "Who cares what he thinks anyways?"

She nodded. "I know. But he's such a jerk sometimes." She sighed. "I guess I overreacted a bit." She released me and looked down.

"You punched the shit out of him though." I said with a laugh. "That was a damn good hit. You're getting better." All the while we were here, the Akatsuki had still been training Kathryn and I self defense.

It wouldn't do much against a ninja, but against normal people, we'd at least have a chance and it made them feel better. So hey, why not?

I really wish it would do well against ninja, because if it did, our lives wouldn't suck so badly right now.

"Alice, I wanna go back to Danna. He'll beat Hidan up for me." Kathryn pouted.

I smiled. "Deidara's already doing it. I swear you have those two wrapped around your fingers. They both love you to death."

"Itachi adores you. So does Kisame for that matter. I'd never thought I'd see the day when an Uchiha was so happy." Kathryn giggled. "You two are so cute together."

"You and Dei are too." I told her. I stood up and grabbed her hand. "Let's go back."

She stood up and we both took a single step back towards Deidara and Hidan when the coldest chill I have ever felt in my life shivered down my spine.

I froze and looked around. "Kathryn, go back to Deidara. Run. I don't like this…"

She paused and looked at me in confusion before her eyes widened at something over my shoulder and she froze. Her jaw dropped and I saw pure fear in her eyes.

I turned my head slowly to look at what was scaring my friend so badly.

The last thing I ever wanted to see was looming behind us looking extra creepy.

I honestly regret looking.

"Oh fuck." I swore.

* * *

_Uh oh._

_What's going to happen?_

_First person to guess what's up gets a virtual hug from me._

_For those of you reading Snatched as well, I might actually do yaoi instead. I'm really too lazy to add in a bunch of characters. But my mind changes every day. I'll let you know though._

_**Fun Fact:** Alice is not Alice's first name. It's her middle name. However, no one outside her family other than Kathryn (and me of course) know what her first name is._

Answer to last chapter: _My favorite color is red. And yes, it's because it's the color of blood. Call me insane but I honestly have a fascination with it. Plus it's gorgeous and deep. I love red. Second favorite is black. I'm colorblind and black has never led me astray. It reminds me of evil and I love evil. I'm insane, I know. Third favorite is probably silver because I love shiny things. :)_

**QotC:** _What is your country of origin/what country do you live in? I'm curious to know. Do you like it there and why? Also, if you could go to some other country, where would you go?_

_I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'll probably update soon._

_Thank you all so much for all of the views and reviews. 300+ so early along is impressive. It makes me happy._

_I'm a pleased banana._

_You all contributed to that and I love you for it._

_So good day my loves.  
_


	24. Chapter 24

_Well, I'm updating today. These are short chapters so they can be together._

_I hope you liked the cliffy that lasted a few hours._

_A lot of you get hugs. First person to actually guess correctly reviewed as () so if that was you, hooray for you._

_Parenthesis..._

_I don't own Naruto. Enjoy.  
_

* * *

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" The slithering voice of probably the creepiest guy in all of Naruto hissed. I shivered subconsciously and turned around completely to face him. I placed myself protectively in front of Kathryn.

If this was really happening, I'd be dead before I let anything happen to Kathryn.

Though that was very likely now.

We were so screwed…

"Kathryn, run to Deidara." I stated. My top priority was getting her out of danger. Mother mode always kicks in around Kathryn. "Go. Hurry."

She started backing away but was stopped when another presence blocked her path. I looked around her and swore internally when one of the two characters I actually hated in the series came into view.

"Alice." Kathryn whispered. I could hear the fear in her voice but I made sure to keep mine calm, cool, and collected.

I'm known for not showing weakness.

The only emotions I show are those associated with anger.

And you better believe that I was getting ticked off.

"It's okay." I told her. "When I give the signal, go plan C." I whispered. She nodded and I knew she would do just that when I ordered it.

The fucker stepped closer to us with a creepy grin on his face. "Now what are two girls such as yourselves doing out here? And when you say Deidara, do you mean my replacement?" He chuckled at my glare. "You seem to be close to Sasori if the words you said are true."

"That's none of your business you pedophile snake." I snapped. "Go slither back in your hole." I saw the corner of Kathryn's mouth twitch. She was fighting a smile at my insults.

"It seems she has no idea how to act in a hostage situation." A voice that I classified as wonderful said. However, he was probably the last person I wanted to see in these circumstances. "If she's important to Itachi as they say, I want her alive, Orochimaru."

"You've gotta be shitting me." I sighed. I looked at Sasuke. "Aren't you a little old for revenge?" He glared and I rolled my eyes.

"Alice, now isn't the time to piss them off." Kathryn whispered. "You can't act like you do with Danna with these people. They won't appreciate it like he does."

"No one can possibly be up to Sasori's standards when it comes to sarcasm battles." I sighed. "But you're right." I glanced at her. "Go plan C!"

I covered my ears as Kathryn belted out her screech.

"DANNA! DEI!" She screamed.

I'm honestly surprised Kabuto's glasses didn't shatter.

"I don't care what you do with the tall one, but I want the short one." Sasuke stated.

"I am not short you asshole!" I shouted, pointing at him. "I am above average!"

I WAS!

5'6" was totally above the average height for an adult female in the U.S.

So Sasuke can bite me.

I fucking hate being called short. I just hang around very tall people.

"Orochimaru-sama, if we're taking them, now would be a good time, I sense people coming." Kabuto said with a worried glance over his shoulder.

I glared. "Shut up bitch." I looked at Orochimaru. "Touch me and I'll bite the shit out of you. Disgusting reptile."

"DANNA! DEIDARA!" Kathryn shrieked again.

Any fight or rescue we would have had was unknown and lost to me. Sasuke appeared behind me once Kathryn finished belting out her call for help and knocked me out.

My world went black as his fist connected harshly against the back of my head.

I'm totally going to feel that later.

**Third Person!**

"You may have been teasing Hidan, but Kathryn's sensitive, un!" Deidara snapped. He hit the Jashinist in the back of the head again. Kathryn was his woman and he did not appreciate anyone being mean to her. Hidan was on the top of his shit list for hurting her feelings.

"Alright fine! I'll fucking apologize. Damn." Hidan shook his head. "Where the fuck are they, anyways?" He looked around for them.

Deidara opened his mouth to comment when Kathryn's shriek pierced the air. At first he thought they had gotten lost again but then he remember that she swore to Sasori and him that should wouldn't do it unless it was an emergency.

"Shit, un." Deidara swore. He looked around in shock before he located the direction of the call for help. He and Hidan set off for the scream around the time a second one sounded. "Hold on babe we're coming, un." He hissed.

Sasori sighed as he and Itachi made their way towards Deidara and Hidan's chakras. The two stoic ninja had finished their gathering of the supplies early and didn't feel like waiting for the others to meet up with them. So, to cure their boredom, they headed over to meet with the others, following the familiar chakra signatures.

"I bet Alice has already injured one or all of them." Sasori stated.

Itachi chuckled at the thought. "It seems very likely."

Sasori opened his mouth to agree when he heard a familiar screech.

"DANNA! DEI!" Kathryn's voice called from the distance.

He first assumed she was playing around again until he recalled that Kathryn had sworn that she wouldn't scream like that unless it was an emergency. He knew she wouldn't lie about something like that so fear for the girl instantly clawed at his heart.

"Alice." Itachi stated. He looked at Sasori before shooting off in the direction of the scream. Sasori darted after him just as a second scream filled the area.

"You better be okay you idiot brat." Sasori grumbled.

He and Itachi stopped in a small clearing of the forest to see Hidan breathing heavily. Deidara was unconscious by his feet which had been sliced off. Alice and Kathryn were nowhere to be found.

"Hidan!" Sasori said in alarm. "What the hell happened here?" Sasori knelt beside his partner and worked on reviving the blond.

Itachi searched around the clearing, hunting for any sign of the love of his life. He saw none and instantly fear and worry gripped him like never before.

He glared at Hidan, his Sharingan already whirling. "Hidan, what happened? Where are Kathryn and Alice?" He looked around again, hoping he missed something before.

"Sasori, Itachi." Hidan sighed. "The snake fucker took Alice and Kathryn."

Sasori and Itachi gawked.

"What do you mean the snake fucker took them?" Sasori demanded, his head snapping around to glare at Hidan. "You had better not mean Orochimaru!"

"Who the fuck else could be called a snake fucker?" Hidan snapped. "I lost my fucking legs you shit or else I would have killed all three of those assholes before they took Alice and Kathryn! Deidara got knocked out trying. It was a total cheap shot!"

"Three of them?" Itachi wondered.

"Yeah, some fucker with glasses was with him and another little shit with the Sharingan. He had Alice over his shoulder. She was already unconscious when we got here. Seems the little fucker with the Sharingan was more interested in her than the skinny bitch, but they took her too. She was putting up a fight trying to get away, but they cracked her in the damn head and knocked her out before they took off." Hidan growled. "Jashin my damn legs hurt!"

"We'll get Kakuzu to put you back together when we get back to the base." Sasori stated, glancing at a worried Itachi who was glaring off into the forest.

How dare Sasuke take Alice?

"Danna, un?" Deidara mumbled. Sasori had finally succeeded in bringing the bomber back to reality.

"Wake up brat. We have to go back to the base." Sasori said with a sigh. He was smothering his anger at Orochimaru for taking his brat and Alice.

He would kill his old partner if he had the chance.

No one takes his brat.

Deidara sat straight up. "Kathryn!" He glared around but stopped when his head began pounding. "Ouch, un." He hissed in pain, grabbing at the source of the throbbing.

Sasori looked at the lump on the back of his head to find it bleeding. "You got hit pretty hard, brat." He sighed. "I guess I'll have to carry you. Itachi can you carry Hidan?"

"Of course." Itachi said absently. He collected the Jashinist's legs and ordered him to hold them before picking him up and tossing him over his shoulder. "You're cleaning my cloak."

"Shut the hell up Uchiha. Let's just go the fuck home." Hidan snapped.

Sasori sighed as he picked up Deidara. "Hang on Deidara, we'll get Konan to check out your head, and then we'll worry about getting Alice and Kathryn back."

"Sorry Danna un." Deidara winced. "We ran in head first because we were worried, yeah. Alice was already out. They took her out first, un."

"She must have been a larger threat." Sasori stated. It was true. Alice was both smarter and stronger than Kathryn was.

Not to mention, she was ornery when she was angry and she would fight until the other person gave up. Even Sasori hated trying to force her to do something she didn't want to do.

Deidara looked at Itachi. "Your little brother is an asshole, un."

For once, Itachi agreed with that statement.

* * *

_Yeah, Sasuke can be an asshole, but I love him anyways._

_You guys remember that kid who wore the Akatsuki beanie? The one that I attacked? I told you about him in the last story. Yeah, he's in the English classroom before my class and he sits at my seat. He draws little symbols from anime on the desk. He drew the Uchiha clan symbol today and I flipped out in the middle of class when I found it. My teacher stared at me for like five minutes._

_**Fun Fact:** Kathryn is actually 6 feet tall. She towers over Deidara and Sasori by more than half a foot. Dei is 5'4" and Sasori is 5'3". Cute right? Lol Alice is taller than them too._

Answer to last chapter: _I live in the US. I'm rather happy to live here even though I hate people and we're being overrun by illegals. Grr. I actually wanna got to a lot of places, but my top four are Japan because they make awesome TV shows. Germany because that is my family's country of origin plus it's awesome. And Canada. Canada, if countries were really people, would be like the sweet, quiet, little kid that everyone loves. The UK would be awesome too. I know it's not one country but I'd like to go to all of them. Antarctica is also top on my list. It is my goal to live there one day._

**QotC:**_ I'm running out of questions. What's your favorite thing about Deidara? If you don't like Deidara (you should be shot), tell me your least favorite thing about him._

_Well, ta dears.  
_


	25. Chapter 25

_I'm warning you right now: Beware of extreme mood swings, violence, and lots of swearing._

_And it's not Hidan this time._

_Enjoy this chapter if you can._

_I apologize ahead of time for typos and grammatical errors. I proof read like three times before I post, but I still miss some._

_Honestly it drives me up a wall, but hey, what can I do?  
_

_I don't own Naruto.  
_

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

My head was killing me.

I was going to fucking kill whoever woke me up.

My anger stopped as soon as I saw it was Kathryn. She had tears streaming down her face and she was holding onto me as if I was her lifeline. Her eyes were locked on something in the distance and she was whimpering quietly.

"Kat?" I whispered.

Her eyes snapped down to me and she sobbed once before hugging me. "Alice! You're okay!" She shuddered. "You wouldn't wake up! I couldn't get you up."

Memories of what happened before I passed out flooded my brain and I shot up, looking around the room. We were in a room with an iron door. I looked at Kathryn after glaring at every inch of the offending cell. "What happened?"

"Sasuke knocked you out." Kathryn whimpered. "Dei and Hidan showed up a minute later but Orochimaru knocked Deidara out and Sasuke cut Hidan's legs off. I was knocked out just after that." She shivered. "I woke up an hour ago."

"Has anyone come in to see us?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No." She squeezed the fabric of my shirt as she clung to me. "I'm scared Alice. What are we going to do?"

I pacified her with a soothing hug. "Don't worry Kathryn. I'll get us out of here. Just give me some time to think up a plan. I promise I'll get you back to Deidara."

She nodded and hugged me tighter. "Thank you Alice. I'll help you."

I patted her head. "Yeah." I sighed. "My head hurts. That fucking Uchiha is going to get it when I see him. Damn chicken-asshole."

Kathryn giggled. But her giggle and smile faded when the lock on the door clicked and it swung open. Kabuto entered and pushed his glasses up when he saw us.

"What the hell do you want? We're having a moment here." I snapped.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "Orochimaru-sama would like to see you."

"I don't want to see him. Tell him to try back later." I growled.

"You're quite feisty aren't you?" Kabuto questioned.

I glared. "It's only okay when Kisame says it!" I pointed at him. "Keep your mouth shut you wannabe pedophile."

His eyebrow flattened and he walked towards us. He forced me to my feet and Kathryn obeyed when he gave her a look. "You should be more obedient like your friend."

"She's not obedient, she has self preservation. I do not." I explained as he practically dragged me down the hallway. Kathryn walked alongside us in silence. He had a strong grip on her arm just in case.

She wouldn't run away unless I told her to though.

And that is why she is _my_ bitch and not Deidara's.

Kabuto released us when we entered a large room. He then went to sit at Orochimaru's side like the bitch he is.

At least Kathryn did things with dignity.

My eyes fell on Orochimaru when they adjusted to the different lighting and then I found Sasuke. My short temper hated me today because I wanted to choke him with that ridiculous bow he wore around his waist.

"You little piece of shit!" I snapped. I marched towards Sasuke to kill him but was restrained by a generic henchman. "I'm going to brutally murder you. First I'll shave off your hair and then I pluck your damn eyes out! I'll stab you in the forehead with the dullest object I can find. I'll rearrange your vocal cords with my bare hands. I'll gouge out your pretty little eyes and force you to eat them, then I'll rip your head off and shove my fist down your throat. You will be sacrificed to Jashin in the most brutal ways possible it will make Hidan look harmless!"

"You have a temper." Sasuke said stupidly.

"Really? I had no idea." I growled sarcastically. "Little bastard."

He crossed his arms. "Do you hate me because of my brother?"

"Itachi has _nothing_ to do with this. I'm pissed at you because you gave me a migraine you prick. I fight my own battles and I don't take on others'."

Sasuke frowned. "Who are you to him?"

I raised my eyebrow. "Who are you to anyone? Asshole."

"Alice, now is not a good time to be sarcastic." Kathryn whispered. "Don't give them a reason to kill you. Please?"

I glanced back at her to see the fear in her eyes. I sighed. "Fine. Whatever." I glared at Sasuke. "I am nothing more than a good friend of the Akatsuki. Itachi just so happens to be my babysitter if you will."

Yeah, I'm a liar.

But I'm also an angry liar.

Don't mess.

"Babysitter?" Sasuke questioned.

"Indeed. You see, I'm not a ninja. I'm just a helper. I cook and clean for them." I informed him. "I even go and get supplies. That is what we were doing when you caught us."

"I think you're lying to me." Sasuke stated shortly.

I raised my eyebrow. "What would I gain from lying to _you_ of all people?"

Orochimaru crossed his arms, raising his eyebrow at me. "So what was this we heard about you and your little friend being in love with Itachi and Sasori?"

I smirked. "A girl can dream can't she?"

"Dream?" Orochimaru asked.

"Hello!" I scoffed. "Have you _seen_ Itachi? He's fucking gorgeous! All of them are!" I shook my head. "Guys are always so oblivious to the obvious."

"All of the Akatsuki are what you call gorgeous?" Orochimaru questioned with amusement in his tone.

I cleared my throat. "Correction. All of the _present_ Akatsuki members are gorgeous. And I mean all of them." I smirked. "We love them, but our feelings are one-sided."

Forgive me Itachi and Deidara.

"How do I know you're not lying?" Sasuke wondered.

"How do you know I am lying?" I asked. "Everything you say to me, I can turn around and use right against you. You can't win in an argument of words with someone like me. I possess sarcasm that would make you shiver."

"I can use my Sharingan on you to figure it out." Sasuke stated.

I smirked. "False. Itachi has already tried to use Tsukuyomi on me and it did nothing. Since I have no chakra, your Genjutsu does not on me." I said proudly. That was a lie. Itachi wouldn't even consider using such a dangerous technique on me just in case it did work. However, since I had no chakra, Genjutsu didn't work on me. A few of the others who are quite good at it tried and failed.

"You know of Tsukuyomi?" Orochimaru asked. He seemed kind of impressed that I knew. Well yes, considering I live with the master of the Sharingan.

Well both of them anyways...

I scoffed. "Bitch, you should know that Alice knows all."

"Is that so?" Snaky hissed

"Indeed." I confirmed. "Can you get the generic henchman off me?" I looked over my shoulder at him. "I mean really? I bet you don't even have a name." He grunted at me. "I'll take that as a confirmation of my assumption."

Sasuke sighed. He was obviously getting tired of my sidetracks. "So, if you are a servant as you say, you must know a great deal about my brother."

I nodded. "You would be correct in thinking that."

"I assume you have a lot of information on my brother you could tell me then." Sasuke stated, giving me a serious look over.

I glared. "You know what happens when you assume things?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"You make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me', Sasuke." I told him. Then I snickered. "Get it? Because that's how you spell assume. Ass, u, and me."

Mood swing.

Because I'm not in the mood to explain my mental deficiencies, I'll just blame it on the teenage hormones.

That's always a good excuse.

"Alice, now isn't the time to be telling jokes." Kathryn sighed. "Can you please restrain the sarcasm?"

"Can't." I assured her. "I've tried. Trust me."

"Look girl, I don't feel like listening to your comments." Sasuke snapped. "You will tell me what you know of Itachi or I'll kill you!"

"Do it." I snapped, focusing my attention on him again. "I _dare you_."

"Alice!" Kathryn yelped, staring at me in warning. I sighed and closed my eyes.

I couldn't just leave Kathryn here alone. I at least had to save her from the snake.

"Alright, fine. I'll cooperate." I stated. I saw Sasuke's emo aura dissipate a bit before I hid a smirk at what I was going to tell him.

He was going to kill me.

"Tell me what you know." Sasuke stated.

"I know he likes sweet food. His favorite color is red. He's a really fast swimmer and his hair is really silky. He gets really cranky when he's tired but it's actually quite adorable. His room is neat and tidy. He likes classical music because he thinks it's calming. His hobbies include going to traditional Japanese cafes and enjoying the weather." I heard Kathryn holding back giggles and Sasuke was getting angrier and angrier as I continued ranting.

"He likes to train with Kisame and he loves teasing Hidan and Deidara because they give the most enthusiastic reactions. He reads a lot. He turns a lot in his sleep. He has to sleep with his shirt off and his hair down or else he isn't comfortable. His best friend out of the Akatsuki is Kisame and he is closest to Sasori after Kisame because Sasori is mature. Itachi is also probably the most attractive male I've ever seen." I smirked and looked at Sasuke. "You'd be really cute too if you didn't scowl and act like an asshole all the time."

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?" Sasuke snarled.

His attitude was pissing me off.

My mood swings are ridiculous…

Bitch was going down.

I raised my eyebrow at him. "I believe I'm talking to a hormonal teenager who has some misguided and stupid desire of revenge against his only brother. You're a piece of shit Shinobi who decided he would rather get raped by a fucking snake instead of living his life to the fullest with the people who care for you the most in this world." I was glaring at him by the end. "Did I miss anything?"

"You forgot his hair." Kathryn whispered.

I nodded. "Ah yes. Your hair makes you look like you taped a chicken to the top of your head." I stared at him without amusement in my face. All that was there was irritation.

"You think my desire for revenge is misguided and stupid?" Sasuke demanded.

"I do." I nodded.

Sasuke frowned at me. "You don't even know what fucking happened!"

I scoffed. "Bitch I know more about the massacre than you do. You are trying to kill your _brother_. That's ridiculous. If my older brother killed my family, I'd still love him just as much as I do now. He is family. I don't care what he did or how he did it, he'd still be my brother and I'd still love him."

"You know nothing." Sasuke snapped.

"I know _everything_." I growled. "You may think you're doing yourself justice by wanting to kill Itachi, but in the end you're just going to regret it and sink into insanity. _You_ know nothing and you certainly don't know a damn thing about your brother or me."

"Alice, don't make him mad." Kathryn stated.

"Shut up Kathryn, I'm not done." I snapped, looking around to silence her. I turned back around to glare at Sasuke when a sword was pressed up against my throat.

Sasuke looked angry. "Yes you are done. Say one more word, and I will kill you."

"I'm not afraid of you, Sasuke." I said calmly. "There's nothing you can do to me that would make me scared of you."

He glared at me before grabbing Kathryn who stood a few feet away from me and jerking her closer. I watched him with narrowed eyes as he shooed the generic henchman away and curled his own arm around my throat.

"If you won't talk, I will just ask your friend." Sasuke told me. He changed his sword for a kunai that he held to my face before looking at Kathryn. "You will answer whatever questions I ask, or I'll slice her to pieces right in front of you."

Kathryn's eyes widened and she made to come towards me but Kabuto grabbed a hold of her and held her still. She gasped in slight shock and fear at his sudden arrival.

"Get your filthy hands off her, four-eyes." I snarled.

I do not like it when people touch what is mine.  
Kathryn is mine.

Protective mother mode just kicked in.

Kathryn shook her head. "It's okay Alice. He's not hurting me." Kathryn soothed. "He honestly just shocked me. I wasn't expecting him." She looked at me. "It's okay."

"It is not okay." I glared at Kabuto. "Do not touch her. She's done nothing wrong."

Sasuke pressed the kunai against my mouth to shut me up. "Be quiet." He looked at Kathryn. "Alright girl, tell me, who are you two to Itachi and the other Akatsuki? I want the truth too, so don't even try lying to me."

"Don't tell him anything." I told Kathryn. The kunai split one of my lips, but I was too worried about Kathryn to notice.

Kathryn closed her mouth since she had opened it to answer Sasuke. She looked at me with sadness. Kathryn was actually a very strong girl when it came to will power and mental stability, but she didn't want anything to happen to me.

Sasuke frowned when Kathryn clamped her mouth shut. "Wrong decision." He pulled the kunai away from my mouth and pressed it against the side of my face, just below my temple. With a slow slice, he dragged the kunai down my face creating a bleeding line to my lower jaw.

"Alice!" Kathryn yelped. "Don't hurt her!" She stared at me while I kept my composure. Though it hurt, I've been through so much worse. I will admit that it did hurt. I'm not going to act tough and say it didn't, but it wasn't enough for me to scream my head off. I've dealt with pain that could break a person for the greater majority of my life.

This was _nothing_ compared to that.

"Then speak." Sasuke snapped.

"Don't." I stated.

Sasuke punched me in the face. "Shut up!"

Yeah, being hit in the face by a ninja doesn't feel good.

I don't recommend it to anyone.

Especially if you can't keep your composure as well as I can.

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that it hurt.

Kathryn bit her lip to swallow her worry. "Alice I'm sorry. I'm not going to let him hurt you if I can help it though. Itachi would be pissed if he found out." She sighed. "I'll tell you anything. Just don't hurt Alice anymore." She looked at me again. "I'm sorry Alice."

"Don't be." I sighed. "This guy punches like a fucking 6 year old girl." I looked at her and smiled. "Do whatever you want." I looked to Sasuke. "How dare you punch the mother of your future niece or nephew?"

All three men looked utterly shocked and I couldn't help it. I started cracking up laughing. I couldn't believe I just made Sasuke, Orochimaru, and Kabuto gawk. It was pretty freaking hilarious if I do say so myself.

"Your faces are priceless!" I laughed. Kathryn looked rather shocked too. "I couldn't help myself. That was just too funny!" I started laughing again until Sasuke clamped his hand over my mouth to shut me up.

"Are you serious?" He growled. He released me a second later so I could speak.

"Not at all. I am not pregnant." I stated. "You think my attitude is bad now? Imagine my mood swings and attitude if I was hormonal and pregnant. You guys would be _dead_."

Sasuke rolled his eyes at me before addressing Kathryn. "Tell me who you are to them. Before I kill your friend for annoying me…"

"Aw, you're so mean Sasuke-Poo." I pouted.

She looked at Sasuke and opened her mouth but was stopped when Kabuto spoke first. "Know that I can tell if you're lying. So tell the truth or your friend will get it."

Kathryn gave him a glare that I was so proud of. She really did give good glares when she needed too. "Alice is Itachi's lover. I'm Deidara's."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "You're lying."

"Actually she's not." I stated. "I have a hickey. I can show it to you if you'd like."

"Ew! Really?" Kathryn demanded with a grin.

I snickered. "Yep. He was getting into it."

"It's okay, I can't judge. Dei gave me one too." Kathryn said with a pleased smirk.

I nodded and looked at Sasuke. "Your brother is a really good kisser too. I know he's a genius and everything, but I was impressed."

He glared. "Shut up. That's disgusting."

"It's not that bad." I stated with a shake of my head. "Now if I started describing sex and stuff then _that_ would be disgusting." I sighed. "Grow up Sasuke-Poo. You're a big boy now."

Then I grinned.

I looked at him in shock. "Are you perhaps _jealous_, Sasuke?"

"Don't mock me." He growled. I laughed

"I'm not." I told him. "Trust me, you would know if I was." I looked at him. "Question number two. Go for it."

"Where is the base?" Orochimaru questioned, appearing beside us like the creeper-baby-boy-raping snake he is.

He alerted my creeper beeper.

"I can't tell you that." Kathryn stated. When Sasuke held the kunai to my face she hurried to elaborate. "I physically can't. Leader-sama put a jutsu on us that prevented us from speaking about the base's location."

"I can lead you there if you want me to though." I said with a smirk. "Can't guarantee I'd come back with you though."

"Nice try." Orochimaru sneered.

"Glad to see my attempt at getting away from you guys is appreciated." I said with a nod.

Orochimaru smirked. "I must appreciate them while they last. Soon, you won't be able to even attempt escape."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm terrified."

"You should be." He stated in the creepiest voice I've ever heard. My attention turned to him as he began walking towards me with a hungry look in his eyes.

Suddenly, I believed him.

Orochimaru wasn't kidding.

Fuck.

* * *

_See? Lot's of swearing. Alice's mood swings are ridiculous. She's mentally unstable if you haven't noticed._

_Updates might not be on time this week. AP tests are in the very very near future and I'm studying like a bitch to get ready for them._

_Questions, comments, concerns?_

_**Fun Fact:** Alice is in the top five percentage in the nation for her skills in every subject except Math. She can't do math to save her life._

Answer to last chapter: _I love everything about Deidara. There isn't anything I don't like about him. He's a pyro which I dig. His hair is awesome. His eyes are beautiful and his personality displayed in the manga/anime just makes me happy. The verbal tick rocks my world._

**QotC:** _What is your favorite thing about Zetsu? If you don't like Zetsu(I hope he eats you), tell me your least favorite thing about him._

_Well ladies and possible gents, that's all I have for you today. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Let me know your opinions and answers in a review or message._

_Have a nice day~  
_


	26. Chapter 26

_So this is a little chapter about what's going down in Kathryn's world without the extremely short attention span._

_Don't get too excited though because it's not that good._

_Anyways, enjoy the chapter._

_I own your soul. But not Naruto.  
_

* * *

**Third Person!**

Kathryn stared at the door to the cell, begging it to open. She had been taken back to their cell by Kabuto when Alice was taken away by Orochimaru and Sasuke. Alice assured her she would be fine, but Kathryn didn't believe her.

Kathryn knew Alice better than anyone.

She saw the slight, almost nonexistent fear in Alice's eyes.

Alice was scared even though she refused to show it.

"Alice." Kathryn whispered, grasping the charm on the necklace tightly in her hand. The gift she got from her one and only best friend. "Please be okay. You're the only one I have."

Kathryn knew she could probably hold her own for a time. And she could probably come up with a plan to escape seeing how she was just as smart as Alice in academics, but Alice had common sense and street smarts that Kathryn couldn't compete with.

Alice spent most of her time before they met the Akatsuki in her room on her laptop doing countless research on anything and everything. The other portion of her time was spent with Louis who was constantly drilling her and training her to hold her own both physically and mentally in just about any situation.

This didn't account for ninjas though.

Alice and Kathryn were geniuses, but their smarts could only get them so far and neither of them had the physicality to be a challenge for any ninja. She knew it wasn't realistic to fight them. Hell, it was damn near impossible, but Alice had determination.

Normally she was very level headed and calm.

But when it came to some things, and if she was angry enough, Alice would do anything to win. She was the definition of stubborn when she wanted to be.

Alice would die fighting rather than do the sensible thing and just give in.

Kathryn was rational, Alice took chances.

"You crazy bitch, if you leave me here I'll never forgive you." Kathryn pouted, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Don't try and protect me so much. That's all you ever do. That's all you've always done."

Alice had always gone out of her way to protect and defend Kathryn. Both girls were fiercely loyal to each other. Kathryn would do all in her power to keep Alice safe while Alice would go above and beyond her personal power to keep Kathryn out of any and all trouble.

Kathryn's head snapped up when the door opened and Kabuto entered with Alice in his arms. He set her down on the cot against the wall before immediately leaving the room. Kathryn gasped and hurried to her feet, scurrying over to Alice's side.

"Alice! Alice are you okay?" Kathryn demanded, kneeling at her friend's side.

Alice blinked, gazing up at the ceiling blankly before Kathryn's voice registered in her head. She moved her eyes and smiled slightly when they landed on Kathryn. "Kat."

Kathryn whimpered, pressing her forehead to Alice's collarbone. "Alice." Alice's voice sounded so weak. It wasn't hoarse so Kathryn knew she didn't lose it while screaming, but she could tell Alice was in more pain than she was willing to admit.

"You okay?" Alice sighed. Her eyes remained locked on Kathryn but they were heavy and pained.

She nodded. "I'm fine. Are you alright? What did they do to you?"

Alice smiled. "Good. I'm okay. Just a little tired. They just questioned me. I didn't tell them anything so we're good." Her eyes drifted closed.

"Alice! Stay awake. Please don't go to sleep on me." Kathryn begged. "We need to think up a plan to get out of here."

Alice forced her eyes open and stared at Kathryn without really looking at her. "Do you have your phone?"

"Yeah." Kathryn confirmed, withdrawing the red contraption from her pocket. "What do you want it for?"

"Have them track us by your phone." Alice sighed, fighting to keep her eyes open. "Text them or call them. Electronics are your area of expertise."

Kathryn had discovered that Alice and her phone were still able to call and text. However, they could only text and call each other. It was enough though. Alice had left her phone back at the base with Kisame.

"Will they be able to do it?" Kathryn asked.

"You're awesome at stuff like that, Kat. You always have been. I know you taught Hidan and Sasori. Itachi insisted that someone learned just in case. I told him about how good you were at doing stuff like that." Alice said with some amusement in her weak voice.

Kathryn smiled. "I've had a lot of practice." She looked at her cell phone and ran her fingers over the buttons in thought before dialing one of the many numbers she knew by heart.

"Good girl." Alice praised. "I'm leaving it to you, Kat. I'm tired." She sighed and closed her eyes. "Just make sure that Sasuke and Orochimaru never find out about your phone." She yawned. "Wait a while before you call them. Just in case."

"I know." Kathryn whispered. She grabbed Alice's hand when Alice started to drift off. She held the phone up to her ear after a while of just holding onto Alice's hand, pressing the call button and listened to the well known ringing.

**More Third Person But With Akatsuki!**

Kisame sighed and rested his chin on the palm of his hand. He was sitting in the kitchen, watching Sasori and Konan tend to the huge wound on Deidara's head now that he was finally awake again. He had passed out soon after Sasori had brought him back and he had been out most of the day.

Now he was up and demanding they go after Alice and Kathryn.

Kisame didn't disagree with him. He didn't want his Alice or Kathryn anywhere near that snake. The fact that Orochimaru had taken them pissed the shark off to no end.

It was nothing to how irritated his partner felt though.

Itachi had been deathly silent since they returned. He said nothing as he gave Kakuzu Hidan and his legs. He also remained silent and emotionless every second since. Kisame was worried that Itachi would snap.

The closeness and depth of his partner's relationship with Alice was both surprising and relieving. Kisame was glad that Alice and Itachi were so close and attached, but he was surprised by just how attached and close they were.

"I wanna go get Kathryn, un!" Deidara said for the hundredth time in the past hour. Sasori sighed and jabbed at his head slightly harder with the antiseptics as he cleaned the slice in the blonde's head.

"Shut up Brat." Sasori sighed. "We all want to go and get them. We cannot just run into this blindly though. We have to think it through."

Deidara pouted. "But Danna! Who knows what that snake bastard could be doing to them?" He shook his head. "I'm worried about them, un!"

"We all fucking are Deidara." Hidan snapped from his spot beside Kisame. Kakuzu sat next to the Jashinist on his other side, sighing tiredly. "Alice is probably fucking driving him up a fucking wall though. She gets so fucking bitchy when shit doesn't go her way."

Kisame chuckled. "That's true. I bet she's using sarcasm that would make you proud, Sasori. Though, Kathryn's probably driving them crazy too. You all know how hyper she gets."

He saw Itachi close his eyes from the seat on his other side.

Itachi really missed Alice. You could practically feel the worry radiating off him.

Konan opened her mouth to comment but was cut off by a loud ringing coming from Kisame's pocket. Frowning, the shark withdrew the offending ringer out of his pocket.

It was Alice's phone. The contraption had been silent the entire time he had it, but now it was ringing loudly. He raised an eyebrow curiously as he looked at the screen to discover the cause of the noise.

His eyes widened. "It's Kathryn."

"ANSWER IT, UN!" Deidara shouted. He would have lunged over the table if Sasori hadn't held him still.

Kisame complied immediately, bringing the device up to his head to listen.

"Kathryn?" Kisame wondered.

A sigh was his first reply. "_Kisame._" Kathryn whimpered. "_You don't know how good it feels to hear your voice._"

"Put it on speaker." Sasori stated. He pressed a button on the side and Kathryn's voice suddenly sounded through the kitchen. "Are you alright, Kathryn?" He demanded. Concern for his brat could be heard in his tone.

Kathryn whimpered again. "_I'm okay Danna._" Her voice shook as she sighed. "_Alice isn't. I don't know what they did to her._" She pouted. "_She's so weak right now. She finally fell asleep about an hour ago. She told me to call you guys._"

Itachi stared at the phone, his usually stoic face was clearly shocked and worried. "What happened, Kathryn?"

"_I'm sorry Itachi. She was protecting me. Orochimaru was going to torture me too, but Alice talked him out of it._" Kathryn stated sadly. "_Sasuke and Orochimaru questioned us but Alice's sarcastic answers pissed them off. She went off on Sasuke. It was actually pretty funny._"

"Kathryn, they didn't hurt you did they, un?" Deidara questioned.

"_No Dei. I'm fine._" Kathryn assured them. "_Alice said she was fine before she passed out, but I know she was lying._"

"_I was not fucking lying. I am fine._" A rather weak voice that was unmistakably Alice's snapped from somewhere. "_You're just going to make Itachi flip out. Shut the hell up. I'm tired as shit. You talk so damn loud._"

"Alice." Itachi stated with a sigh. Kisame snickered at Alice's feistiness.

"_See what you did? He's worried now._" Alice sighed. "_I'm fine Itachi. Don't worry. It'll take a lot more than that to hurt me. Your brother punches like a six year old girl by the way._"

"Sasuke hit you?" Itachi demanded.

"_Yeah. I pissed him off._" Alice stated. "_Not too hard to do though. He's worse than I am sometimes._"

"I find that fucking hard to believe." Hidan scoffed.

Alice laughed, showing all of the present Akatsuki just how weak and in pain she was. "_Hey Hidan._" Kisame saw Itachi wince at her pain. Alice wasn't fine. That much was obvious.

"_Alice was all for sacrificing Sasuke to Jashin earlier. He gave her a migraine from when he knocked her out._" Kathryn said with a slightly more cheerful tone.

"Good fucking work you crazy bitch!" Hidan praised.

"_We can praise me later. Right now however, we need to tell you guys something. We'll need Hidan and Sasori first off._" Alice said calmly. "_Kathryn is going to talk to you now. I don't think I'm going to be very useful right now. My head is fucking pounding._"

"_She needs to sleep._" Kathryn told them. "_Danna, Hidan do you guys remember what I taught you how to do with Alice's phone? Do you remember how to track my phone?_"

Sasori nodded but then realized Kathryn couldn't see him. "I remember. Why?"

"Because we can track Kathryn's phone using Alice's so we can find them and get them back from that fucking creepy snake bastard." Hidan stated.

"_Hidan's right._" Kathryn stated. "_We can't talk for too long just in case they come in here to get us. We can't let them know we have contact with you. It's too dangerous, plus we'll lose the phone if we do. Don't call us unless you need to. We'll call you whenever we can._"

"Wise decision." Kakuzu commented. "There's no telling Orochimaru's reaction to that kind of information about you two. Keep the phone hidden, Kathryn."

"_We will Kakuzu. And I'm really sorry for getting kidnapped on your birthday._" Kathryn pouted. "_We have to go. You guys know what to do now so we leave the rest up to you. I love you guys. Dei, listen to Danna please._"

Deidara chuckled but the amusement in the gesture was replaced with worry. Sasori squeezed his partner's shoulder reassuringly a second later, sensing Deidara's worry.

"I promise, un." Deidara stated. "We're coming to get you as soon as possible, yeah."

"_I know._" Kathryn whispered.

"Kathryn, is Alice awake?" Itachi wondered.

"_Yeah._" Kathryn confirmed. "_'Tachi wants you."_

"_Yes?_" Alice wondered.

Itachi stared at the phone on the table. "Alice, please refrain from angering your captors. Do not give them a reason to hurt you."

"_That's easier said than done._" Alice sighed.

"Alice." Itachi said in a serious tone.

"_I know Itachi. I'll do my best. But I'm not letting them hurt Kathryn. I don't care if it means I'm nothing but a stump._" Alice said firmly. "_No scolding me. You can stare at the phone as much as you want Itachi Uchiha. I win this argument. Now, I love you guys. But we need to go. So we'll see you when we see you._"

Sasori sighed. "She's so straight forward."

"_You know you love it Sasori._" Alice joked. Her voice was suddenly a whisper. "_Gotta go. Someone's coming. Bye._"

Kisame frowned when the line was cut and the call ended abruptly. "So when are we going to get them?"

"You may all go sometime after you all get a good night's sleep. _If_ Deidara is better by that time." Pein's voice said from the doorway. "I will not have you rush into Orochimaru's lair while you're tired and distracted. You'll be nothing but useless."

"But you don't know how long Alice and Kathryn will fucking last!" Hidan protested. "What if the snake bastard is already set on fucking killing them?"

"He won't." Pein assured him. "Orochimaru is probably interested in them because they have no chakra. Not to mention Sasuke will probably try to use Alice against Itachi."

"That much is true." Sasori frowned. "How would he know of their relationship though?"

"He probably tortured Alice in front of Kathryn to get it out of them. Or Orochimaru did." Itachi stated. "Alice wouldn't let Kathryn get tortured. She said that herself."

"That would make sense." Kakuzu stated. "We should get some rest now. That way we can go and get them as soon as possible."

"I'll work on tracking Kathryn's phone." Sasori stated. He picked up Alice's phone and began fiddling with it. "Kathryn taught Hidan and I how." He looked at Hidan. "Get some rest. I might need your help with this."

"You got it puppet fucker." Hidan said with a smirk. He got to his feet. "Let me fucking do it if you can't do it yourself." Kakuzu followed his partner out of the room with a sigh.

Sasori sighed. "Come on Brat, let's get you some rest. You need to heal up if you're going to go with us."

"Yes Danna, un." Deidara obeyed with a pout.

Kisame and Itachi rose too. Itachi was certain he wouldn't get a lot of sleep but Pein was right. He needed to be at his best so he could save Kathryn and Alice.

Alice needed him.

"Sasori, I'll ask Zetsu to go and scout the area once you've found their location." Pein stated. "Let me know when you've found it."

"Sir." Sasori stated obediently before ushering Deidara out of the room. "I'll find them quickly." _Just hang on brats._

* * *

_Next chapter will have a bit of a show of Alice's "questioning". It's not going to be too gruesome because that's not what this story is about. If you want some darkness, go and read something that's not sarcastic. I love gruesome things, but I'm not going to put that in here._

_So my psych class is doing projects on serial killers and Kathryn and I are doing it on Edmund Kemper. That guy is fucked up. He's huge for one. And some of the shit he did is just warped. However, as I was reading about what he did, I was cracking up laughing about it. My psych teacher sent me to the counselor's office because I couldn't stop laughing about it. So now my parents and teachers think I'm insane. I mean, the guy used his mom's skull as a dart board. That's fucking hilarious and I don't know why._

_On a side note so you guys don't start questioning my sanity(you probably already do) I was playing the lava game at school with my entire Spanish class and my friends from the class next door came over and played it with us. It was fun and totally worth it. Our teachers were playing it too._

_**Fun Fact: **Kathryn is in the top ten percentage for her academic skills except for in History. She knows wars and that is it._

Answer: _I adore everything about Zetsu. I love his split personalities. Cannibalism is a little weird, but hey, he rocks it. I personally wish he had more screen time because he's awesome. But in general, I love Zetsu as a whole._

**QotC: **_Favorite thing about Kakuzu? If you don't like Kakuzu, you should be tentacle raped. But you can tell my your opinions anyway. :)_

_I know I said I probably wouldn't be updating for a while. But I typed this bitch out in my business class with Sethy-Poo cheering me on. He was actually playing games on the laptops we have in the classroom and occasionally looking over my shoulder. My brain is fried so my chapters might suck for a week or so. I literally think AP History 24 hours a day. I had a dream about the Revolutionary War just for fun last night. Weird thing was that Hidan was in it. I woke up and looked around my room like "wtf?"_

_I'm a strange individual. But I'm rambling so I'm gonna stop._

_Bye my dears. Thanks for all the reviews and views. (Expect that lemon up in the next few days)_

_XD  
_


	27. Chapter 27

_Update. Yeah... My AP History is now over with. I think it was pretty easy._

_But yeah, here's an update for you lovely people._

_I adore you. I truly do. :)_

_We're back to Alice. Enjoy if at all possible._

_As always, thank you for all the reviews and whatnot. I appreciate it._

_I don't own Naruto._

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

I looked up as Kathryn shoved the phone back into her pocket. A few moments later the lock on the door clicked and it swung open to reveal Kabuto and Sasuke.

Damn, they're already back.

"I see you're still awake. Impressive. I assumed you would be out for a few days at least." Kabuto stated. "It seems you aren't all talk like you seem."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever Kabuto. What the hell do you want?"

"Orochimaru-sama had so much fun playing with you that he's eager to continue. We were going to take your friend if you were unconscious, but since you're awake it looks like you get to continue." Kabuto explained.

"Awesome!" I said with poor enthusiasm. "Bring it on."

He chuckled at my brazenness before entering the room. He picked me up. I would have fought back, but I was way too tired to do that. I seriously felt like shit. It was worse than my incident with Adam. But I knew nothing was broken this time.

"Hey Sasuke-Poo." I said with a smile as Kabuto carried me from the room. Sasuke stared at me with narrowed eyes before entering the room with Kathryn, shutting the door behind him. My eyes narrowed too.

"Don't worry. He's not going to hurt her. He's sick of your rude comments though so he's going to question her instead." Kabuto stated.

I scoffed. "I can't wait for Kathryn to annoy the shit out of him." Sasuke was her favorite character outside of the Akatsuki. Just like me.

My chest tightened when Kabuto turned into the weird room I was in before. Orochimaru was standing beside a metal table with a menacing looking scalpel in his hand. A huge hungry grin was plastered on his face as Kabuto set me on said metal slab.

"Ah, I'm glad you could join us again my dear." Orochimaru hissed. I gave him a flat stare, showing him that I wasn't afraid of him.

"Wonderful isn't it?" I asked sarcastically. "So, what's the plan now snaky?"

"I'm interested in your lack of chakra. So, I might get some information on that subject while I interrogate you for Sasuke-kun." Orochimaru told me.

I scoffed. "Good luck with that. You'll be just as successful as you were the first time. I'm not telling you shit." I said defiantly.

"We shall see." The Sannin mused.

I'm not entirely sure what he did to me, but I know my body went numb after the first two hours. I simply refused to give them the satisfaction of knowing that it hurt me. Because that torture certainly did hurt.

A lot.

And I felt _everything._

The tiny little incisions he made in random places throughout my body. The needles sliding into my body as he injected me with all kinds of drugs and shit. Some were made to torture, others were made to prevent me from possibly fighting back.

He didn't give me an opportunity to black out the pain. He made sure that I was suffering. I'm pretty sure that if I would have cooperated, he would have calmed down at bit since he told me he would.

Fuck that.

I'm the most stubborn bitch you will find.

I kept my composure, even giving sarcastic comments to some of the more stupid things he said, but I didn't show pain. It was hard. I almost caved a few times, but in the end I just stared at the ceiling while he tore me up.

I would never give in to someone like him.

I had too much at stake.

In the end I just stared blankly up at the ceiling with my jaw locked firmly. I think he got bored eventually because I soon didn't feel anything other than the lasting pain.

And boy did it fucking last.

"She's stubborn." Kabuto commented as he ripped a needle out of my knuckle.

Orochimaru nodded. "Her will power is impressive, but everyone cracks at some point." He ran his fingers over the cut Sasuke made on my face. "We'll just have to figure out what will make her break." He looked at Kabuto. "Take her back to the room."

"Yes Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto obeyed. He unlocked my hands and ankles from the restraints holding me to the table before lifting me carefully and carrying me back to the cell.

Kathryn was sitting on the floor in front of Sasuke who was sitting on a chair a few feet from her, looking at her seriously. They both looked at Kabuto and I when we entered.

"Alice." Kathryn whispered, looking at me in shock.

I wanted to tell her I was fine, but no matter how much I tried, I couldn't bring myself to form the words. If I did open my mouth, it would probably be a whimper of pain. I wouldn't give them that. My mouth stays shut until I adjust to the aching.

Kathryn made to move towards me but stopped suddenly with fear in her eyes as Kabuto withdrew a syringe from his pocket and injected something into my arm. She began shivering violently. "That will stop the bleeding." He said.

Sasuke was watching Kathryn carefully. She was frozen stiff in fear at the sight of the syringe. She crumpled to her knees when Kabuto pocketed it, ignoring her behavior, and left the room without another word.

Sasuke raised his eyebrow at Kathryn. "Are you alright?"

Kathryn shuddered and swallowed what must have been a scared sob. She nodded as she slid back to the floor. She wrapped her arms around her middle and shivered.

I wanted nothing more than to soothe her, but I couldn't move my body no matter how much I tried. I was useless.

Damn it…

"Are you afraid of needles?" Sasuke questioned. I saw Kathryn nod and Sasuke smirked. "That's kind of a pathetic fear."

Oh I so wish I could talk or move.

I'd kick his fucking ass.

Nobody says shit like that to Kathryn in front of me and gets away with it.

"I can't help it." She whimpered. I don't know when, but at some point she got enough courage to come over to me and sit beside me on the cot/bed thingy. She put her hand on my forehead, bringing me out of my fantasy about killing Sasuke. "Alice."

I moved my eyes to look at her. She was moving really fast. I don't remember her being there. I gazed into her always beautiful bluish-green eyes and silently attempted to tell her I couldn't speak.

She pouted. "Alice, say something. Please say something."

Sasuke scoffed. "Orochimaru just got done torturing her. It's a wonder she's still alive. I'm impressed she's even awake."

Kathryn glared at him. "You don't know Alice. She's dealt with worse."

No, I haven't.

This is the worst.

I've never had to endure pain like this.

And I hope to Jashin that I never have to again.

I wouldn't wish that upon _anyone_. Even people I hate. And I hate a lot of people.

No, scratch that. I want Danzo and Kabuto to endure that.

Fucking bastards.

I will never admit this openly if anyone asks, but I wished for death during that torture so many times I can't even remember half of them. Kathryn and Itachi will never know. I won't let them or anyone else worry about me.

"I find that hard to believe." Sasuke stated.

Yeah but that's because it's not true.

Kathryn's expression softened. "She isn't responding to me. Alice, please say something. Please." I looked at her and twitched my eye.

Damn. She doesn't know me and Pein's code…

"Itachi is going to eat my face." Kathryn pouted. "He told you not to let yourself get hurt. You need to listen to him if you're not going to listen to me!"

"Is Itachi close to her?" Sasuke wondered.

My eyes drifted to him and back to Kathryn and I blinked twice to tell her not to speak to him. She didn't understand obviously because she nodded.

"She can't sleep without him and he can't sleep without her. Itachi loves her." She smiled. "You should see the way he looks at her. They're usually always together."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "How did you two come to befriend the Akatsuki?"

"Alice found them when they really needed someone's help. She took care of them as long as they needed her. I helped, but she was basically taking care of me too. Once they were back to normal, Alice and I went back with them." She smiled. "Itachi and Deidara already fell in love with us and we fell in love with them." She giggled. "Not that we don't love the others too." She stroked my hair absently.

Sasuke scoffed and stood. "Whatever, I'm going to sleep. Stay in here and don't try to escape."

"Alice can't even move dumbass. I'm not leaving her here." Kathryn snapped.

Ah! Snappiness!

I'm so proud of her!

Sasuke glared for a second but didn't comment as he left the cell, locking us in. Kathryn climbed into the bed beside me and hugged me, begging for me to be okay.

It hurt to see her so worried.

That is why I don't like it when people worry about me.

It hurts to see them sad because of me.

She fell asleep an hour later, still latched onto me. She had a rough day. I'm surprised she lasted as long as she did.

Kathryn never ceases to amaze me. She doesn't see it, but she so much stronger than I am. I'm glad she my best friend. She has no idea how much I rely on her to keep me in one piece whether that be physically or mentally.

I need her more than she needs me.

* * *

I opened my eyes to the annoying feeling of poking. Kathryn was sitting beside me, poking my cheek. When she saw I was up she smiled brightly and hugged me as gently as she could so she didn't hurt me.

"Alice!" She sighed with relief. "Are you alright now?"

I sighed and tensed when pain shot through my entire body. I nodded and looked around the room. Sasuke was back and he was sitting there watching me. So I watched him back.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." I snapped. Damn, did my voice really sound like that?

Kathryn noticed.

"You're in pain." She pointed out. It wasn't a question.

"Just tired." I told her. "I'm alright." I looked at Sasuke who was _still_ staring at me. "Do you have a problem buddy? Because we can take this outside."

His stare formed into a glare. "You're in no condition to threaten anyone."

"Who said anything about threats? I was giving you an option." I stated. "Now kindly quit staring at me. I'm not a zoo. I'm not here for you entertainment bitch."

Kathryn sighed. "You're so aggressive."

I rolled my eyes. "Normally I would be utterly fine with him, but he's staring at me rudely." I glanced at Kathryn. "How long have you been up?"

"A few hours." Kathryn stated. "Sasuke and I have been talking. Well, he's been listening and I've been talking. He's quiet just like Itachi is." She smiled. "Not that there's anything wrong with that Sasuke."

He rolled his eyes. "The stories of your homeland are interesting."

I glared at her. "Don't tell him stuff like that."

"I haven't said anything important. I've just been talking about school and our friends." Kathryn pouted. "I'm not an idiot."

"I know." I sighed, wincing at the pain it caused. "Just be careful. You can't trust others so easily."

"You've been telling me that since we were six." Kathryn stated.

"And I will until we die." I told her. I looked at Sasuke. "Sorry about the attitude. You caught me in a bad mood. I'm not the most cheerful person out there."

"So I noticed." He said.

I smirked. "Ah! It knows sarcasm! Most excellent!"

He rolled his eyes again. Sasuke does that a lot.

"Are you going to be cooperative for once?" He questioned, looking at me.

And I took advantage of this situation and jabbed him in the forehead. "Sorry Sasuke, some other time okay?" Kathryn's eyes widened and Sasuke looked livid.

Snickering about his anger, I suddenly felt drained even though I only moved on limb. Damn this torture is really fucking up my stamina and shit.

"So where's Orochifuckyou?" I wondered. "I expected him to be shoving a knife down my throat." I looked around as if expecting him to be in there.

"He's not going to torment you until later today. He, Kabuto, and I are going to inspect the next base before we transfer over there. We have to make sure it's secure. So we're planning for the departure today." Sasuke explained, his livid expression calming after a moment. "You two will be coming with us when it's time for us to move."

"Oh joy!" I said dully. "Moving time!"

Shit. The Akatsuki had better find us before it's too late.

None of us noticed the tiny difference in the room.

The two golden dots on the ceiling of the cell, staring down at us went unnoticed.

* * *

_Uh oh._

_Does anyone else think Kabuto and Orochimaru suck? Because I do._

_Anywhozal. That ItachiXAlice oneshot is up. Go and read it if you'd like._

_I'm tired as fuck._

_**Fun Fact: **Alice lived with Brett and Louis for three years before moving in with the Akatsuki. Before that, she alternated between living with Kathryn and Adam._

Answer: _What is there to not like about Kakuzu? He loves money and because of that he's loaded. His tentacles are freaking awesome. His voice is sexy. He is sexy. I love his eyes and his stitches. He's a total badass. I love him with a burning passion. He's my third favorite Akatsuki member for a reason._

**Q****otC:** _What is your favorite thing about Pein (Deva Path, not Nagato)? If you don't like Pein (ALMIGHTY PUSH YOU OFF A CLIFF!) tell me what you don't like about him. :D_

_Thanks for all of your support/views/reviews and stuff guys. I honestly appreciate it with all of the emotions I harbor in my sarcastic shell._

_I heart all of you._

_Good day.  
_


	28. Chapter 28

_You guys are lucky I love you._

_If I didn't, you'd have to wait four days for this._

_But, because I've been updating a lot this week, trying not to suck so bad, I'm going back to the usual schedule._

_So enjoy._

_I don't own Naruto._

* * *

**Third Person!**

"They're close." Sasori stated, reading the screen on Alice's phone. Kathryn's phone was a little blinking dot that they were quickly approaching. Night was now upon them and Alice and Kathryn were getting ever closer according to the tracking device.

"Hold on guys, it's Zetsu." Kisame called, coming to a halt. Said spy phased out of the tree a head of them.

"You're almost there. **It's about damn time.** The entrance is literally about five minutes away. Right behind a waterfall. **Alice is in pretty bad shape, Kathryn is fine though.** **Both of them are roomed together.**" Zetsu stated.

"Do you know what happened to them?" Sasori asked.

Zetsu shook his head. "No. **But Orochimaru is clearly the cause. She can barely move.** The only time she moved is when she was being moved to the room where Orochimaru interrogated her. **The guy with glasses carried her to and from.**"

Hidan growled and cracked his knuckles as he clenched his hands. "That asshole better not have fucking done anything permanent to her."

Kakuzu nodded in agreement with his partner before looking to Sasori. "Alright, you, Hidan and I will hold off Orochimaru and the brat with glasses while Deidara, Kisame, and Itachi go for Alice and Kathryn."

Sasori nodded. "Correct. Zetsu, you'll have to lead them to Alice and Kathryn." He stated, gesturing at Itachi, Deidara, and Kisame. "Just in case they can't read the tracker." He looked back around to see the duel colored man nod.

"Got it. **Let's hurry the hell up and do this.**" Zetsu said.

"I agree with Zetsu, un." Deidara agreed. "Let's go and get Kathryn and Alice, un!"

Sasori nodded. "Alright, come on." He shot forward with the others following behind him. He called them to a halt five minutes later when they reached the waterfall Zetsu explained. "Kakuzu, Kisame."

"Right." Both giant men said. Kakuzu's hand hardened and Kisame brandished Samehada before they both swung. Kakuzu punched and Kisame struck, breaking the door into rubble. An empty cavern lay before them now.

"Split up." Itachi stated shortly. "Kisame, Deidara, come with me."

Sasori handed Itachi the cell phone. "Kakuzu, Hidan, come on." He and the zombie twins darted into the darkness of the cavern seconds before Itachi and his group followed.

Itachi followed after Zetsu as he phased quickly through the walls of the hideout. He stopped on a dime when Zetsu stopped before one of the rooms. He raised his eyebrow, ready to question the plant man when something stopped him.

"ZETSU!" Kathryn's voice shrieked.

"I think we found them." Kisame snickered.

Deidara laughed, his chuckle lined with relief. He followed Itachi inside when the Uchiha opened the door to see Kathryn smothering Zetsu.

"Kathryn, you need to let Zetsu breathe un." Deidara chuckled. Kathryn dropped from Zetsu to turn around and face Deidara. Her eyes began watering as she glomped the blond terrorist.

"Dei!" She sobbed, kissing him repeatedly. "Deidara."

He smiled as he held his love in his arms. "Kathryn, un." He nuzzled her. "I'm so glad you're okay. I missed you so much yeah."

She just continued muttering his name into his chest as she latched onto him.

Itachi looked away from the blond duo to the cot. The love of his life was laying there, eyes closed. She would look peaceful if not for the cuts and bruises lining her face and visible flesh.

Anger gripped at his heart as he gazed at Alice.

"Alice." Itachi stated. He walked over to her and sat beside her. He put his hand on her face before he rested his forehead against hers. "Alice, please wake up."

Alice shifted beneath him and her eyes opened slightly. "I'm telling you right now, if that's not Itachi you had better back the fuck up or so help me you will lose your genitals." Though the threat was obviously there, her voice had no bite and it sounded weak and strained.

"Alice, it's me." Itachi whispered. "I'm here."

She visibly relaxed as his voice and words registered in her head. "I'm glad." She blinked. "Hey babe?"

"Hmm?" He wondered, kissing her forehead with a sigh of relief.

She smiled slightly. "Make sure Kathryn gets out of here okay?"

"We're getting both of you out of here." Itachi assured her. "Just stay with me for a little longer and then you can sleep."

Alice blinked tiredly. "I'll try."

He sighed. "Thank you."

"Just kiss me asshole." Alice sighed, a smile on her face. Itachi obliged, kissing her gently. She responded weakly, not having enough energy to kiss him back.

"We should go." Zetsu stated. "**Sasori, Hidan, and Kakuzu have engaged the others. We need to go.** It was only supposed to be a temporary distraction. We'll have to meet up with them before we can leave. They moved in front of the exit."

"Itachi, do you want me to carry her?" Kisame asked.

Itachi shook his head. "I've got her." He lifted Alice into his arms. "I'll let you know if I need your help, Kisame."

Kisame patted Itachi's shoulder before leading his partner, Deidara and Kathryn out of the room and through the base, following Zetsu's chakra. Deidara had Kathryn in a piggyback so she didn't have to try to keep up.

"I guess we're getting close un." Deidara commented. "I can hear Hidan."

"I could hear Hidan from the room." Itachi deadpanned. "But we are getting close, it should be just around the next turn."

Itachi was right. As they turned the corner, they ran straight into a fierce battle between the three Akatsuki members, Orochimaru and his lackey as well as Sasuke. He tightened his grip on Alice absently when his eyes fell on Sasuke.

"Come on you three, we have Alice and Kathryn. We did not come here to fight them." Itachi stated. "We need to return to the base."

"Right." Kakuzu grunted. "Come on Hidan."

"Damn it." Hidan swore. Sasori nodded silently and began to fall back.

Sasuke looked around at his brother's voice and frowned when he saw just how gently and yet securely he held Alice. Itachi sent him a glare before he disappeared, darting after his giant blue partner.

The Akatsuki didn't slow their pace until they were a good hour run from Orochimaru's hideout. Once they were, Itachi kissed Alice's forehead gently, smiling when she gave him a smirk in response.

"Go to sleep Alice. We'll be home soon." Itachi whispered. Her smirk changed into a smile and her eyes closed slowly.

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

"How long as she been out?" A familiar voice said. Kisame? When did he get here? My brain must be teasing me. I guess this is a result of Orochimaru's drugs.

"Since we got back last night." The sexy voice of the man I love replied. Really mind? I fucking hate you! This is worse torture than Orochimaru's.

"Her breathing has changed. Is she awake?" A dull voice dripping with hidden sarcasm said. Sasori? Come ON mind!

I felt something touch my forehead and I twitched in response, hissing in pain when my body seared at the sudden movement.

"Alice, are you okay?" Itachi's marvelous voice questioned. "Alice please wake up."

I sorely wished I could. But, I was certain I was dreaming. The sound of his voice was painful because I knew when I opened my eyes, he wouldn't be there.

"Alice, wake up." Itachi stated. "Please get up. At least say something."

I winced at his pleading tone but remained silent.

I felt something press against my lips and suddenly my eyes flew open. I backed away from whatever was touching me to glare at the offender. I was still with Orochimaru so I instantly assumed it was someone disgusting. Kathryn was the one person I could attempt to accept but anyone else was going to die.

"Alice?" Itachi wondered with concern in his voice.

I frowned when I saw Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Sasori, Kathryn, Hidan, and Kakuzu in me and Itachi's room, looking at me with confusion and concern.

I swore. This was a damn good dream. "Fuck. This is worse than the damn torture."

Itachi raised a perfect eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"It must be a side effect of whatever Orochimaru injected into me." I sighed, rubbing my head. "I must be dreaming."

"Alice, you're not dreaming." Kathryn stated. "Don't you remember yesterday at all? The guys came and saved us. You even threatened Itachi."

I stared at her. "Prove it."

"How?" She wondered.

"Ouch!" I growled. I looked towards my side to see Hidan pinching my arm. "You little fucker! Wait until I can get up. I'll kick your ass!"

"Good to see you're back to normal." Sasori chuckled, gaining my attention. "You know you're not dreaming now."

I stared at him for a minute before grabbing Itachi's face without breaking my gaze on Sasori. I pulled the weasel to me and kissed him. I broke my gaze with Sasori to close my eyes and kiss Itachi fully on his lips.

I felt him pause in shock for a second before he smiled and returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer to him.

This was good.

I missed this.

"Alright you two; breathe will you?" Kisame snickered.

Itachi and I broke apart and I smirked at Kisame. "You're getting a hug when I get up Mr. Shark. In fact, all of you are." I stated. "So brace yourselves."

"You're not moving anywhere for a while." Sasori told me. "Not until we figure out what Orochimaru did to you." He crossed his arms. "Start talking. Tell us what happened."

"Can't Kathryn do this?" I wondered. "I kind of want to rape my weasel right now."

"Talk, Alice." Sasori said firmly. "Kathryn was waiting for you to get up."

I sighed. "Demanding puppet." He rolled his eyes but I saw the amusement in them. "What do you want to know?"

"What happened?" Sasori stated. "I want to know everything. Especially what you can remember of the torture you underwent."

I sighed. "Really? Come on Sasori, you just like to fucking torture me."

"That's correct. So don't waste my time, get it over with." Sasori growled.

I rolled my eyes and explained everything I knew and everything I remembered about our time in Orochimaru's clutches. I left out the level of pain I went through though.

They didn't need to know that.

"Wait, you told them you were pregnant with Itachi's child?" Kisame asked, fighting back snickers.

I shook my head, smiling. "No, I joked about being pregnant. You should have seen their faces." I giggled. "It was priceless. I never knew Sasuke could look so shocked."

Itachi smiled at me and kissed my forehead. "I love you Alice."

"I love you too, Itachi." I told him, smiling at him. "Oh and when Sasuke found out about our relationship, I grossed him out by telling him how good of a kisser you are."

Itachi chuckled and ran his fingers over the healing scab on the side of my face, courtesy of his little brother. "You are a bizarre person. But I love it."

I grinned. "Hell yeah I am. You better."

Kathryn smirked. "She accused him of being jealous when he told her to shut up. He got really frustrated."

"Alice is a professional at making others frustrated." Sasori deadpanned. He patted my head. "So no strange liquids were put into your system?"

I shook my head, resisting the urge to associate that to a dirty topic. "No. Orochimaru explained everything he injected me with and nothing he tortured me with was meant to last more than a few hours. So I'm pretty sure I'm good."

I heard Itachi sigh a quiet sigh of relief before he pulled me into his arms and rested his forehead on my shoulder in the crook of my neck. "Thank god."

I melted into his relief and returned the hug he had me in, resting my head against his. I closed my eyes and sighed, enjoying his delicious scent and wonderful presence. Being around Itachi was always so soothing for me.

"You guys are fucking pathetic." Hidan scoffed.

I opened one eye to glare at him. "Fuck off Hidan. If you don't like it, leave. I'm loving my weasel." I heard Itachi chuckle but he made no move to move.

He rolled his eyes and shrugged before heading towards the door. "She's always so bitchy when she's being mushy with the pussy Uchiha."

"You're bitchy all the time, Hidan." I snapped. Kakuzu chuckled and agreed which caused Hidan to retaliate, thus resulting in an argument. Thankfully they left our room to bicker and argue.

Kisame put his hand on my head gently before kissing my forehead. "I'm glad you're okay Alice. We were all worried for you and Kathryn." He patted Itachi's shoulder. "I'm going to go and get some sleep. It's kind of late."

"You should sleep too Kathryn, un. You've been awake since we got back yeah." Deidara said gently, stroking Kathryn's face lovingly.

Kathryn yawned. "Now that Alice is okay, I can sleep. Let's go to bed Dei." She looked at Sasori. "Coming Danna?"

"Yeah, I'm coming brat." Sasori nodded. He patted my head again before following Kathryn and Deidara from the room. The door closed behind them with a quiet click.

As soon as the click sounded Itachi had me completely in his arms on the bed in a comfortable position. He was kissing me gently as if afraid he would break me. But it was awesome and filled with his passion and love.

That's the Itachi I know.

He pulled away after a moment and kissed my forehead. "Why were you so reluctant to wake earlier Alice? Why did you shy away from me?"

"I thought I was dreaming." I stated. I looked down, feeling terrible for possibly questioning that he would rescue me, but I couldn't help it. It was too good to be true. And if I actually am dreaming, waking up is going to kill me.

"So why didn't you believe us when we told you that you weren't?" Itachi wondered.

I sighed. "I didn't remember you guys saving us. I instantly concluded that being with you again so soon was too good to be true so it must be a dream. If that was the case, then being with you in a dream and not in reality was going to be painful."

He gave me a sympathetic look and kissed me. "Never doubt that I will come for you Alice. I swear we will always be together."

I smiled at this and kissed him back. "I don't doubt you Itachi. I love you so much."

"I love you too Alice." Itachi told me. "More than anything."

I hugged him. "Can we stay like this forever?"

"I sorely wish we could." Itachi said with a gentle smile, returning my embrace. He ran his fingers gently through my hair. "However, I _will_ stay by your side forever."

"Good because I intended on gluing myself to yours." I told him firmly just before yawning. I was so drained from all that torture and defiance. He chuckled and buried his face into my hair, hugging me closer. "I love you Itachi." I yawned again.

He sighed in content. "Sleep my love. I'll be here."

I was out as soon as he finished his promise.

* * *

"DEIDARA-SENPAI!" A cheerful Tobi screamed, ripping me from my sleep. A loud crash sounded as Tobi obviously tackled Deidara. Wherever in the base they happened to be…

Hey, at least Deidara didn't blow anything up.

"DAMN IT TOBI, UN!" Deidara replied a second later. I heard a tired/still sleeping sigh from somewhere beside me and smiled, instantly recognizing who it was.

I'd know that sexiness anywhere.

I opened my eyes to see I was cuddled into Itachi's back. Smirking, I poked my head over his shoulder to see he was still sleeping. Inspiration struck and I nibbled on his ear, just for funzies. He twitched in his sleep at that which enticed an even larger smirk. Other than the twitch however, he didn't respond.

I nuzzled his face and kissed the side of his neck before nibbling on his ear again. He shivered and I saw him smile.

I win bitch.

"Morning babe." I whispered in his ear. He opened his eyes and looked at me out of the corner of his eye, still smiling.

"Good morning, Alice." He said. He rolled to his back and curled the arm on my side around me, pinning me to his chest. He probably wasn't even trying. That's how fucking strong he is. Damn ninja…

He raised his eyebrow at me before kissing me lightly. "What brought this on?"

"I love you." I said simply with a shrug. I ran my fingers through his bangs before gently stroking his face. "Yeah, I love you a lot."

He smiled and brought my face to his, kissing me. "I love you too." He kissed me again. "A lot."

I smiled at him and started kissing him. Now it wasn't anything extreme since it was still early in the morning, but it was enough to start getting into it.

And I say start, because, as always, we were interrupted.

By everyone except Kakuzu, Zetsu, and Sasori. They're the only ones who _don't _interrupt Itachi and I. Tobi decided to take their place though.

I swear it's a fucking conspiracy!

The door was flung open and Itachi and I didn't even break apart because we both _knew_ this was going to happen.

"Alice! No sex! It's too early in the morning!" Kathryn protested.

Kisame snickered. "You two are ridiculous."

"Damn Uchiha, I didn't know you were such a fucking morning person." Hidan laughed.

"Alice-chan is trying to eat Itachi-san!" Tobi cried.

Deidara sighed. "That's so gross, un."

I opened my eyes to see Itachi watching me, our lips still together. He smiled at my obviously annoyed expression and allowed me to pull away from him slowly to glare at the intruders.

"Get. Out." I snapped, glaring at them. "Now."

Kisame smirked at me. "Don't you miss sleeping with _me_ Alice?"

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Not when you interrupt Itachi and I."

"Interrupt what? You were just fucking kissing." Hidan said stupidly. "Now get the fuck up and make me food."

I glared. "Make your own fucking food. You can starve for all I care."

"You're going to make us starve?" Kathryn questioned with horror. "You're a bad mommy, mommy."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes. Learn to feed yourselves. Get out. Daddy and I are trying to make more siblings for you to play with."

Itachi chuckled when a few of them paused in commenting to stare at me with extremely disturbed expressions. I couldn't see Tobi's expression so he wasn't included.

"Alice, you make the best food. Please?" Kisame asked, kneeling on my side of the bed and giving me his cutest pouting face.

Oh he was breaking out the big guns.

I tried looking over his shoulder to try and not be swayed by his heart wrenching expression but I couldn't take my eyes away from it. It was too sweet and heart breaking.

Kisame meant business.

"Oh Kisame don't make that face!" I pleaded. "Please don't make that face."

His pout intensified. "I'm hungry Alice."

Okay, I think Kisame was aiming to kill me.

I pouted in response and hugged him tightly, basically pulling him onto myself since I was still lying in bed. I stroked his hair as he pouted into my shoulder and looked at Itachi. "It's so cute!" I kissed the top of his head. "I can't take the Kisame-pout."

Itachi glared at Kisame. "Don't make her feel bad, Kisame."

Kisame looked up at Itachi. "But Alice makes the best food."

Itachi frowned. "That is true, but you can't guilt her into making you food."

"I'll do anything as long as Kisame stops looking so sad!" I said firmly. "Please don't make that face Kisame. It breaks my heart."

He chuckled and hugged me back, lifting me off the bed. "I won't if you make me breakfast. You don't even have to make the others anything."

"Oi!" Hidan barked.

I nodded. "Okay, I'll make breakfast. You gotta let me get up and get ready though. It might be a bit."

"Yes un!" Deidara cheered. "Good job Kisame, yeah!"

Itachi sat up in bed and glared at the members I wasn't hugging. "You planned this, didn't you?"

They all looked at each other before running out of the room, begging for him not to kill them. He sighed and shook his head before heading to the bathroom. When the door closed behind him I turned my head to Kisame.

"That adorable face of yours is a weapon of mass destruction." I told him seriously.

He chuckled. "I think you're the only one it works on."

I smiled. "That's because you're my Kisame." I hugged his neck again. "Can I get off the shark now?"

"Pity, I was enjoying this." He said in mock disappointment.

I nodded. "I bet you were. I was too." He snickered and set me down.

I would just like to let everyone know one important fact:

The world fucking hates me.

Apparently, my body reacts differently to serums and shit than it should. I don't possess chakra, so when Orochimaru says a drug should affect my mobility for at least a day; it means more than that for me.

So as soon as Kisame lets me go and leaves me to stand on my own, my legs give and I basically crumble to the ground like a piece of paper.

My life sucks.

Kisame, being the ninja he is catches me before I fall, looking worried and concerned. "Alice, are you alright?"

"I think so. I feel kind of lightheaded. And my limbs feel a bit sluggish and numb." I said in confusion. "Did you guys drug me or anything?"

Kisame shook his head and picked me up bridal style. "Itachi, something's wrong with Alice!" He called, looking towards the bathroom.

By the time he finished his sentence, Itachi was standing beside us, looking over me with extreme concern in his eyes though his face remained composed. "Alice?"

"I'm okay. I'm just recovering from Orochimaru's drugs and stuff slowly." I soothed. "Honest to Jashin I feel absolutely fine other than I'm slightly lightheaded and my limbs feel a tiny bit numb and slow." I put my hand on Itachi's face. He covered up my hand with his own and held it there. "I'm okay Itachi. I swear."

"Kisame, can you go and get Sasori?" Itachi asked, taking me from the shark. He kissed my forehead when I was in his arms. "You'll be back to normal soon, Alice."

I rolled my eyes. "Got it."

Kisame disappeared from the room and returned a few minutes later with Sasori and surprisingly Zetsu. I didn't know what he was doing either.

Maybe he was here just for funzies?

"Hey Zetsu, hey Sasori." I said with a smile.

Sasori patted my head and soundlessly checked my vitals and other things as soon as he reached me. Zetsu watched carefully after giving me a smile and a wave.

Once the puppet was finished trying to be a doctor he looked at me with narrowed eyes. "You shouldn't be feeling like this for so long. It should have been out of your system yesterday."

I shrugged. "Maybe it's because I don't have chakra."

He paused, cocking his head to the side as he considered that possibility. "That might be the reason. I never thought of it like that." He crossed his arms. "Though, even without chakra, you should be better later today. I think eating something and taking a shower will help you out."

Zetsu stepped forward and pulled… a vial… out of his cloak, offering it to me. It was filled with what looked like a red liquid. "If you drink this, you'll feel better faster. **There are herbs that negate the serum that snake bastard used.**" Zetsu told me.

I raised my eyebrow. "Thanks Zetsu. I appreciate this."

"Don't mention it. **Seriously, don't. We don't need people bothering us for herbs.**" His black half said seriously while his white half smiled. I laughed and watched him phase out of the room shortly after saying goodbye. Apparently he and Tobi had to chat with Pein.

They're always working.

Pein better be paying them overtime.

I'll kick his pierced-ass if he isn't.

Though, Kakuzu probably would if he did…

DILEMMA!

Sasori looked at Itachi and smirked. "Looks like you're going to have to help her shower again, Itachi. She won't be standing on her own for a few hours."

I snickered. "Sweet victory!"

Kisame heard me and snickered while Sasori rolled his eyes. Itachi chuckled.

"I'll help her get ready." Itachi stated. "Kisame, let the others know they won't be eating breakfast for a bit. If they are that desperate for Alice's cooking, they'll have to wait."

Kisame saluted. "Yes sir!" I laughed, especially when Itachi glared at him.

Once I was nice and clean and ready for the day, I felt a shitload better just like Sasori said. That and I had taken the vial Zetsu gave me and I could tell I'd be just fine very soon. I could stand on my own now, but I couldn't really move all that well.

And my reflexes had gone to shit.

Hidan tried to flick me in my forehead which he does every time I'm within touching distance. Usually I'd dodge it the first time and he comes around and gets me the second time. However, I had no chance to dodge. I didn't even realize he flicked me until a few seconds after he did it. Needless to say, he and Sasori made fun of me for it.

Kisame punched Hidan for it though.

Muahaha! I have a shark protector!

So, once I was slightly functional, I made breakfast with Itachi's help and I got the others to shut the hell up and leave me alone. That was nice. It was like being rewarded.

"Thanks for breakfast Alice." Kisame said sweetly, kissing my forehead.

"Thanks mommy!" Kathryn chimed.

Deidara smiled at me from across the table. "Thanks Alice, un."

"This food is terrible." Sasori added, clearly not eating. He had only been in the kitchen for about fifteen seconds when he said that too. Fucking asshole…

He got toast to the face. "Boom! Headshot!" I said loudly. He glared.

The others laughed and Kisame rumpled my hair while Itachi chuckled calmly, kissing my cheek lovingly just like he always does. He's sweet as hell.

"Thanks." Kakuzu grunted after his chuckling ended.

"Crazy bitch." Hidan said with a dip of his head, holding a piece of pancake in my direction to salute me. Yeah, I don't know if that should be considered a thanks either.

It _is_ Hidan. I suppose it could be accepted…

If you looked _really_ hard.

Hey man, I don't expect thanks from him. He's my favorite rude Jashinist.

And I love him exactly the way he is.

Just like I love the others exactly the way they are.

* * *

_Get ready, because soon the actual story line of the show will begin._

_Then shit happens._

_We have almost 400 freaking reviews. Holy shit that is awesome. You all rock._

_I am the most pleased banana that has ever existed._

_**Fun Fact:** Alice and Kathryn met in kindergarten. They became best friends by Kathryn sliding down the slide and crashing into Alice. Shit started from there. :) (PS, that's exactly how the real Kathryn and I became best friends)_

Answer: _Pein? Is there any way to describe his awesomeness in mere words? He's just so epically epic it's amazing. From his hair to his piercings and his adorable face in general, I heart him. The only thing that I could possibly think of that is not perfect about Pein is the fact that in the anime in his fight with Naruto, his animation is so fucking goofy sometimes._

**QotC:** _What's your favorite thing about Nagato? If you don't like Nagato, (I don't know how you couldn't) let me know._

_Prom for my school is today but I'm not going because I'm antisocial and I hate people. Plus, I have a fucking huge ass migraine._

_Almost 400 reviews. That is about 40 times more than I ever expected. I'm utterly impressed and touched. I love you all. You're awesome and you deserve oodles and oodles of love._

_You deserve gifts and love! Tell me what you want!_

_But as for now, toodles. I'm going to go to sleep/probably work on the next chapter!_

_Check ya later~  
_


	29. Chapter 29

_Kind of a filler chapter, but it's leading up to the non-fillers. :)_

_So yeah, enjoy._

_It's hot as shit outside right now and it's humid. I _**HATE**_ it._

_My authors notes are way too long. You guys really should tell me to shut up so I quit ranting.  
_

_But, I don't own Naruto. Enjoy the chapter._

* * *

You guys know what's actually really easy to make?

Nerf guns.

All you need to make one is a little help from a Sasori who is in a good mood, knowledge of the general function of a Nerf gun, and some bullets.

Once you have all of that, throw it in the oven and you've got yourself a Nerf gun without the Nerf.

You see, in this world, we don't have the materials they make Nerf guns out of so Sasori and I used other materials. Also, there is no Nerf in this world so we used other things for bullets.

He was enjoying the task. All he needed was my information and outline of instructions. Soon, he had constructed the most _badass_ Nerf gun I had ever seen. And it was all mine. This was his payment to me for helping him numerous times in the past.

We have a business relationship.

Among other things…

Plus it gave us an opportunity to insult each other for a few hours, only to finish the day by torturing the other members of the wonderful organization known as Akatsuki.

So totally worth it.

All I needed now was a target.

Snickering evilly as I left Sasori's room, I headed for the living room where I knew some of the guys and possibly Kathryn would be. Who would be in there I wasn't entirely sure, but I knew I'd have fun shooting them.

Five people were off limits.

Sasori was off limits because he helped me make the damn thing. If he ever got hit by one of the bullets, I had given him permission to destroy whoever shot said bullet. He agreed willingly.

Pein was off limits because he was the leader. He was much too busy to have me screwing around and distracting him. Plus, he was my behind-the-scenes-partner-in-crime. We had a partnership and it was wonderful.

Konan wasn't an option because I love her. She's usually with Pein so I couldn't really shoot her without annoying Pein. Plus, if I shot her, she would be inclined to retaliate and I don't think I could handle her awesomeness.

Kakuzu was another member I wouldn't shoot. Kakuzu was much too serious and short tempered to deal with my antics. He would rip my face off and eat it if I shot him. If I really wanted to hit him, I'd make Hidan do it.

Zetsu was the final member off limits. He was actually very helpful in every situation and he and I had a mutual respect for each other. And he had told me that he would give me insight on my potential targets if he wasn't busy.

Everyone else was free game.

And my first two targets were in the living room along with "Unshootable Number Four" A.K.A. Kakuzu. Said stitched miser was sitting on one of the couches by himself, doing his job as the treasurer.

Target number one: Big Blue was lounging on one of the other couches, twirling a kunai lazily around his finger with his eyes closed. He was oblivious to me as I took aim with my huge, modified Nerf gun and fire.

It collided with the side of his head.

Now, before I continue, I'd like to give you some information on my Nerf gun.

It was massive but lightweight. Sasori had done wonders with this weapon. However, it was also fucking powerful. We had tested it in his workshop and it kind of hurt. One of the conditions for him helping me make it was that he got to shoot me with it. I complied.

But damn was it strong.

It was really pretty too. We painted it and shit. It was black with red and white symbols strategically placed about it so it looked awesome. These symbols included the symbol of Jashin, the ANBU symbol because I love it, and the Uchiha fan. It had little Akatsuki clouds positioned about it as well. They were numerous.

Yeah, all in all, it was Bad Ass.

Snickering at Kisame's reaction to the shot, I hid behind the corner of the hallway leading to the living room.

"Ouch! What the fuck was that?" He demanded.

"What are you talking about?" Kakuzu asked with a slightly annoyed tone in his voice.

Peeking around the corner, I saw Kisame glare at him. "Something just hit me in the side of my head." He rubbed the side of his head. "It scared the shit out of me."

Those stealth lessons with Zetsu were paying off!

None of them had noticed me yet.

"I believe you are overreacting Kisame." Target number two said. Target number two: Sexy Weasel was sitting on the last and final couch, reading. With a grin as big as ever, I took aim at his stomach and fired.

It hit the mark.

Itachi's head snapped away from his book and he looked around with his Sharingan, glaring. "I was just hit too." He looked down at his stomach and picked up my bullet. It was like a Nerf bullet, except stronger. "This is what hit us."

Kisame raised his eyebrow. "What is that?"

"I'm not sure." Itachi said calmly. "But I'll find out if we get hit again."

Smirking, I snuck away from the living room and hurried to the kitchen. Target number three: Psycho Grandpa Stripper was standing by the fridge, his back to me. I took advantage of his open position and shot him right in the ass.

Hidan jumped to the ceiling, grabbing his ass, shouting a loud obscenity before wheeling around to glare at the others. "What the FUCK was that?"

I covered my mouth to hide my laughter at his reaction.

Target number four and target number five managed to look innocent considering they were. "What(un)?" They asked.

"Something just hit me in the fucking ass!" He growled. "Don't fucking act innocent, I know one of you fucking hit me with something!"

"Hidan, I don't know what you're talking about." Target number four said. Target number four: Blond Skinny Moron had her back to me as she sat beside target number five: Blond Bomber Moron.

I took aim on her and fired, hitting her in the back of her head.

"Ouch!" She yelped, holding the back of her head.

Hidan pointed at Kathryn. "See! Something is fucking attacking us!" Hidan glared at Deidara. "I fucking bet it's you!"

"No it isn't, un!" Deidara said with slight panic in his voice. I shot him in the forehead just as he finished. He instantly grabbed at it, whining about the pain in his forehead.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Hidan demanded.

Kathryn pouted. "I want Danna! He'll protect us!" I shot her again just for fun and she started fake crying.

Laughing quietly, I gathered my weapon and hurried back to Sasori's workshop. I walked inside and started laughing loudly. He turned around and gave me a smirk.

"I trust it went well?" He asked.

I grinned. "It was fucking awesome. Thank you so much Sasori. You've got to come with me next time. You can shoot them yourself. I got Deidara in the forehead for you." I told him.

He chuckled. "I appreciate it."

"I got it all on film." I said with a smirk, showing him my cell phone.

"Show me." He stated. Complying eagerly, I hurried to his side and replayed the video of shooting Kisame and Itachi before I showed him the hits I made on Deidara, Hidan, and Kathryn. He enjoyed each reaction greatly.

"Danna!" Kathryn cried from somewhere in the base. "Danna! I need your help!"

Sasori chuckled. "You can shoot the others while I go see what they want."

I nodded. "Got it." I watched him leave the room before waiting a moment. Soon after, I went towards the living room where I could hear commotion.

"I got fucking hit in the ass!" Hidan said loudly. "It fucking hurt!"

"I got hit in the forehead, un." Deidara admitted, looking at Sasori. "It didn't hurt that bad, but it didn't feel good either, yeah."

Kathryn pouted. "Something hit me in the back of the head and in the boob."

"I was also hit in the stomach by this." Itachi stated, holding up the Nerf bullet. "Kisame was hit in the side of his head." He crossed his arms. "Do you know what it is Sasori?"

Sasori took it from him, looking genuinely curious as he inspected it. He was such a good fucking actor. "I don't have a clue what this is. Are you sure this was it?"

"Positive." Itachi stated. He opened his mouth to continue but was cut off when I shot Hidan in the balls.

"OUCH! MOTHER FUCKER!" Hidan shouted.

I don't know how he did it, but Sasori managed to seem concerned rather than intensely amused. I was doing my best to smother my laughter.

It was at the moment as I was looking for my next target that I noticed target number six, standing beside Deidara. Target number six: Pumpkin Lollipop of Doom was fussing over Hidan. Grinning evilly, I took aim and shot him.

It hit his mask directly where his other eyehole should have been.

Boom! Headshot!

At the tip of the bullets, there was a suction cup. It stuck to his mask. Kathryn screamed when it hit him and hid behind Deidara.

"Who is doing it?" Kathryn pouted. "I don't want to get shot!"

"I believe I know the culprit." Kakuzu said calmly.

They all looked at him expectantly.

He sighed. "Who is the only person in the base capable of fooling a great majority of you idiots? This person also happens to be the only one not present in the room."

"Who the fuck are you talking about?" Hidan demanded.

Itachi's eyes widened as he caught on. "Alice." He said in shock.

All of the others looked at him in horror.

"ALICE YOU CRAZY BITCH!" Hidan shouted. "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?"

I started laughing loudly and took off away from the living room. I ran to Itachi's room and slipped through the door that connected his to Kisame's before hurrying to the shark's bathroom. I could hear Hidan, Kathryn, and Deidara hunting for me, but I hid in my cabinet after stashing my weapon and waited.

**Third Person!**

Itachi looked at Sasori as Kathryn, Deidara, and Hidan took off after Alice who he heard laughing as she ran away from the living room. He smiled hearing her laughter. "Sasori, how did she hit us with those things?"

Sasori smirked. "They have a thing in their world called a Nerf gun. She taught me how to make one and I did, adding a few modifications of my own. She's been running around shooting you guys for a bit. She filmed it with her cell phone too. It was quiet amusing."

Itachi chuckled. "I honestly never suspected her."

"She was very sneaky about it." Zetsu said as he entered the room. "**She's been having stealth lessons with me for the past few days now too.** She's doing well. She learns fast."

A crash sounded and Kathryn's laughter was heard. "Hidan!"

"What happened?" Sasori called.

Kathryn was still giggling. "We're okay! Hidan just tripped and crashed into the wall!" Deidara was heard cracking up from somewhere near her. "It was hilarious!"

"I suppose we should help them find her." Itachi said with a sigh. "They'll bring the base down with their stupidity." He looked at Kisame. "Let's go, Kisame."

"Got it." Kisame snickered. "Coming Sasori?"

"Might as well." Sasori shrugged. "You know where she is Zetsu?"

Zetsu nodded. "**Of course I do.** But I'm not telling."

Sasori rolled his eyes and followed Itachi and Kisame from the room.

"Itachi!" Kathryn cried, running towards the weasel. "Can we search your room? She isn't in any of the others."

Itachi smirked and nodded. "Yes you may Kathryn. Just don't touch any of our things. I'm directing that order at _you two_ Hidan and Deidara. I actually trust Kathryn to be careful."

"Fucking Uchiha!" Hidan snapped. Deidara rolled his eyes but didn't comment as he and Hidan barged into Itachi's room. Itachi helped the trio look, only to discover that Alice wasn't hiding in there.

"Where is she, un?" Deidara asked.

"I'm not sure." Itachi commented. "If you guys checked all the other rooms, then she couldn't be anywhere else unless she's been avoiding you guys."

"Alice has been memorizing the layout of the base for the past few days." Kathryn stated. "It's like she planned this."

"Did you guys check my room?" Kisame asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Which room is yours?" Kathryn wondered.

Kisame pointed in its direction. "Right next to Itachi's."

Hidan smirked and exchanged a look with a grinning Deidara. "We've fucking got her!"

Kisame chuckled as led them into his room though the door connecting his and Itachi's quarters. He looked around before frowning. "Nothing is out of place."

"Bathroom?" Sasori suggested.

Itachi was already at the door. He opened it and looked around before opening the cabinet. He smiled as his eyes fell on Alice who was curled in a ball, grinning at him.

"Hey there Sexy Weasel." She said with a grin. "You're looking exceptionally handsome today just like always."

He chuckled. "Come on out, Alice. I won't let them attack you."

"Protection!" Alice said with a giggle. She climbed out of the cabinet and latched onto Itachi. "You smell good by the way." She added as an afterthought.

He smirked. "Thank you, Alice."

She nodded. "You're very welcome."

**First Person Alice!**

"You guys love me." I said with a smirk. "That was so fucking funny. I got it all on film. I even gave you guys code names."

"What, un?" Deidara asked. "How far ahead did you plan this?"

"Just this morning." I admitted with a shrug. "Before I went to Sasori to help me build my weapon, I went around and filmed you guys minding your own business. I gave you guys code names while I was doing that."

"What were they?" Kathryn wondered.

I grinned. "I'm not telling until I get out of this bathroom. There are too many people who might kill me for their code name. I'm too vulnerable here."

We quickly went back to the living room when Kakuzu gave me an appreciative head dip. He thought it was amusing.

Who could blame him?

"Alright, tell us our code names Alice." Hidan ordered, sitting beside his partner. I sat in between Kisame and Itachi while Kathryn sat in between Sasori and Deidara on the last couch. Tobi sat next to Hidan and Zetsu phased in the wall like a badass plant.

He's so awesome.

I grinned. "Deidara was: Blond Bomber Moron. Kathryn was: Blond Skinny Moron. Hidan was: Psycho Grandpa Stripper."

"OI!" He barked, pointing at me. "Not fucking funny!"

I rolled my eyes and continued. "Itachi was: Sexy Weasel. Kisame was: Big Blue. And Tobi was: Pumpkin Lollipop of Doom."

"How come you didn't shoot Danna or Kakuzu?" Kathryn asked.

"They were Unshootable Number One and Unshootable Number Four." I told her. "Zetsu was Unshootable Number Five." I smirked when Sasori rolled his eyes at their names. "I can't shoot Sasori because he helped me make the damn thing. And Kakuzu is too intimidating to infuriate. Zetsu has been my stealthy buddy and partner in crime for like the past week."

"That reminds me…" Itachi stated. "What were you taking stealth lessons with Zetsu for? And why are you memorizing the layout of the base?"

I shrugged. "Just for something to do. Plus, it can't hurt to be stealthy. Besides, it will be useful since I'm going with Sasori and Deidara when they go to capture Gaara. We've already discussed the plan with Pein and its all set."

"What the hell do you mean everything is already set?" Hidan questioned. "Isn't it a little bit fucking dangerous for you to out there with the puppet fucker and Deidara?"

I raised my eyebrow. "Hidan, could you perhaps be _worried_ about _me_?" I asked in sarcastic disbelief. "I didn't know you cared."

He glared. "I don't damn it! I just don't want to have to deal with the pussy Uchiha or the skinny bitch bitching and moaning about you fucking dying."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll be fine Hidan. I'm just going to make sure Sasori and Deidara avoid death and injury. I trust Sasori and Deidara. I'll be safe with them."

"So, is Kathryn going with you?" Zetsu questioned.

That was a damn good question.

* * *

_Well? Is she?_

_You'll have to wait and see next chapter._

_I really have no idea what to talk about._

_**Fun Fact:** Alice got into a fight at school at least once a semester. She's never lost and half of them she never started. But, she finished all of them because she's batshit crazy._

Answer: _Ah Nagato... What can I say about him that isn't obvious? He's awesome and that's just the icing. He's freaking adorable as a child. The only thing that kind of puts me off about him is that he's stuck on that weird machine thingy. But, that just proves how powerful and badass he is._

**QotC: **_What is your favorite thing about the lovable puppet master Sasori? If you don't like him, (tits or gtfo) tell me what you don't like about him._

_Btw, I did get into a bit of a scuffle today at school. Some dick freshman was pushing my friend Matthew around so yeah, his face met the locker. Then Matthew finished him off by busting his eye. I freaking love my friends. And Matthew is like the sweetest guy out there so I was shocked._

_Anyways, that's enough of my pointless ranting._

_If you haven't noticed, Alice is bipolar. Her personality comes from mine as well. She just lacks the extreme depressive state I fall into every now and then._

_This is actually a way for me to vent/get my mind off shit._

_But, on a happier note, I love you. You guys are awesome. 410+ reviews in 29 chapters is utterly shocking to me. Thank you._

_I hope you continue to enjoy this story and if not, let me know so I can fix whatever needs fixing._

_I enjoy criticism of any kind._

_And so, good day dears.  
_


	30. Chapter 30

_30 chapters my dears._

_And to be honest, this story is going to be much longer._

_But, as of now, enjoy the 30th chapter of this story._

_I do not own Naruto. If I did, the story would focus around the Akatsuki, not Naruto._

* * *

Recap:

_"So, is Kathryn going with you?" Zetsu questioned._

_ That was a damn good question._

End Recap

I scoffed. "Of course she's going with us."

"Wouldn't she just be in the way?" Hidan asked. "She doesn't have any fucking skill in hiding herself. You at least fucking thought ahead."

I raised my eyebrow. "Okay, _you_ try telling Kathryn she isn't allowed to be with Deidara and Sasori while they might possibly be getting up close and personal with death."

He looked at Kathryn to see her eyes widening with horror. "Good point."

"So when are you leaving?" Itachi wondered, curling his arm around my waist and kissing my cheek.

I looked at him. "The end of next week." I stated. "Now that Kathryn knows she's going with us, Deidara and Sasori are going to have to teach her more Taijutsu and Zetsu is going to have her work on her stealth." I smirked at Itachi. "I told you last night, but your mind must have been elsewhere."

He managed to look unaffected. "It was."

I snickered. "Pervert."

Kisame grinned at me. "Do I even want to know?"

Itachi looked at him seriously. "No. You don't."

I laughed and shook my head. "Alright Kathryn, you need to let go of Deidara. I've got to explain the plans to you so come with me." I got to my feet and turned to look at her.

"Shouldn't we all explain it to her?" Sasori asked.

I smirked. "I have to put it in Kathryn terms. If I tell her, she'll be able to understand it completely, she won't ask ridiculous questions and I won't have to repeat myself. Not to mention, Kathryn's probably got some good ideas herself. She's actually really smart."

"Could have fooled me…" Kakuzu muttered.

"HEY!" Kathryn pouted, pointing at him dramatically. "That's mean Kakuzu!"

He chuckled and patted her head. "I was teasing kid."

She grinned. "Okay. I forgive you." She hugged Deidara. "Bye Dei, I'm going to go with Alice!" Kathryn then skipped over to me, grabbed my hand and pulled me from the room. I went with her before dragging her to a secluded part of the base.

I tugged her into a room that was never used. "Alright Kathryn, listen carefully because this is very important." She nodded, her expression going serious. I knew Kathryn would do exactly what she needed to do from this point on. She would never risk Sasori's life. And Deidara even getting hurt was completely out of the question.

She truly loved the two artists with everything she had.

"Get up brat." Sasori stated, watching Kathryn breath heavily into the ground. "Get up and try again."

Sasori, Deidara, Kathryn, and I have been outside all day every day for the past week. Kathryn and I have been working intently on our hand-to-hand combat. She was getting a lot better, but her skinny body was probably her biggest weakness. She was too tiny.

Kathryn had a lot of hidden muscle now, and her punches hurt like hell, especially because of her bony hands. But that was the issue. She was too bony and skinny. Her body was slightly awkward because of it. However, she was getting better.

All thanks to Sasori's rigorous training.

And the rest of those damn criminals.

_All_ of them chipped in and helped train us.

Some were more brutal than others.

*cough* Hidan! *cough*

"Danna, I think that's enough for one day, un." Deidara said with concern in his voice. "She's done really well for someone without chakra, yeah."

Kathryn stood up and smiled at Deidara. "I'm okay Dei. I want to keep trying." She grinned at Sasori. "I'm ready Danna."

Sasori gave her a smirk which I could only describe as one of pride and encouragement despite the obvious sarcasm in it. "Good girl."

Kathryn ran at him again and gave it her all to hit him and block his lazy attacks. I sat beside a worried and concerned Deidara on top of a few boulders that were positioned in the secluded valley beside the base that served as training grounds.

He and I were taking a break from totally trying to kill each other. We had gotten so into it that we tackled each other and were like scraping. Sasori literally had to pry us apart when it started getting too violent.

It was fun. I liked training with Deidara.

I watched Kathryn bite her lip to swallow the pain when Sasori landed one of his blows. He grabbed her retaliating blow and called her to a stop with a frown.

"That's enough for right now brat. Rest up." Sasori stated. He looked at me. "Your break is over. Get over here."

I laughed and hopped down from the bolder. I pulled Kathryn into a gentle hug when I reached her though. "Good job Kathryn. You're doing awesome. You might be able to kick my ass now." I squeezed her lightly. "You definitely have more drive than I do. That gives you an advantage."

She giggled. "Yeah. I still want to beat Danna though." Leave it to her to still be extremely positive and happy-go-lucky in her tired and beat up condition.

I released her and allowed her to walk to Deidara who immediately pulled her into a hug and started kissing her lovingly. I smiled at their behavior before turning to my opponent.

"Sasori." I said. "What are we doing?"

He crossed his arms. "Well your skill is obviously more advanced than Kathryn's, but that can be contributed to your build. I suppose we'll work on your endurance and strength." He smirked. "You're running until you drop."

I made a face. "I hate running."

"You hate everything." Sasori said with a roll of his eyes.

"False." I said holding up my finger. "I don't hate any of the Akatsuki."

He shook his head with a sigh. "Whatever. Come on." And with that he took off towards a trail that he has made me run on so many times it's a tad ridiculous.

Because of this, however, I was able to run for forever without getting tired. Mind you, I was still lazy as shit. More so then Hidan is. I was just lazy with extreme stamina. I had a shit load more muscle than I used to as well, but that's from a few weeks of intensive training. Every time one of the members was available, I trained with them. I even trained with Pein once.

That was _so_ difficult. He just mopped the floor with me.

And he was having fun doing it too.

He kicked my ass in seven different directions and in so many different ways.

Back to my explanation of my improvement.

Now, I was built differently than most girls. I was made to be muscular. It runs in my family. My dad has shoulders like a gorilla. I obviously inherited it. My brother is a tank. I have the same build as both of them. Wide shoulders and thick limbs that were made to hold muscle.

Now I've never been _fat_ but I've never been skinny either. I've always had larger than average boobs and my stomach had never been flat, but I've never gotten to the point where it's been an issue on my health. I don't do anything. How could I not have a couple extra pounds?

Anyways, the thick limbs and wider shoulders were now only muscle, meaning I have an impressive amount of muscle now for a girl my age. And I _was_ actually as skinny as I could get with my physique. However, I was short and I had physical problems with my own body such as my back.

That's what comes from having the Akatsuki as your trainers.

Though it sucked shit as it was going on, the results were worth all of the crap I went through. Now I actually feel extremely healthy and I can kick any normal person's ass.

Win!

Kathryn had the body of a model, and she had super strong legs. Hers were long and powerful where mine were shorter and strong. She could kick the shit out of people and run long distances with super long strides. Her arms could pack a punch, but they were also a weak point.

All in all, we were basically even when it came to power. Sasori and Deidara made sure Kathryn was a force to be reckoned with because neither artist was willing to lose their nutcase skinny blond to anyone.

They would be damned if she couldn't kick my ass.

However, Itachi and Kisame would be damned if _anyone_ could kick my ass.

They basically taught me all kinds of intense shit. Hell, Kisame even taught me how to fight with a sword. I had a katana to prove it. Sasori had given me one of his spares.

In skill, I had more experience than her.

I was a 7th degree black belt in Karate and I knew some Taekwondo from Louis before I even met the Akatsuki. Louis, being the paranoid nutcase he is, made me learn so many different ways to defend myself that it was ridiculous. He used to pull an Isshin Kurosaki every now and then and kick the shit out of me or try to.

Kathryn had natural instinct, but she had never really fought before. I had always been there to fight for her. So naturally, I was better than her. She had reach on me whereas I had skill. She was faster than me because of her legs, and I was stronger.

Pretty evenly matched.

Back to what's going on around me.

Running with Sasori.

He ran with me to make sure I wasn't slacking; which he had caught me doing once. It was not fun. He beat the shit out of me when we trained as punishment afterwards.

I looked at him as we ran beside each other and smirked at him. He obviously felt my stare because he looked at me a few seconds later and raised his eyebrow. "What?"

"So how long are we doing this asshole?" I wondered.

"We're doing it until I'm satisfied, bitch." He stated.

I sighed. "You're really being a cunt today."

He smirked. "It is what you get for being a dumbass and slacking."

"You're being an egotistical fucker." I snapped as trees whizzed by us.

"Fucking lazy whore." He retorted. We passed a few rocks.

"Girly-man." I stated. More trees and rocks disappeared behind us.

He rolled his eyes. "Is that all you have, hooker?"

"Not at all, ignorant dickhead." I said calmly.

"Jackass." He stated.

Shit. K was a hard letter. "Kathryn beater." Jashin, that one was lame.

Sasori obviously agreed. "That one sucked lame-ass."

"It's true though motherfucker." I retorted.

"Nagging slut." He sighed as we passed more trees and rocks.

"Obese cock-sucker…" I commented, smirking at him again. We passed a creek. That was different.

"Prick." He said coolly. Ah, there's a big mound of dirt…

"Queef." I grinned.

He raised his eyebrow. "Ew."

I laughed. "Go! It's your turn!"

"Shut the hell up you reject." He growled.

"Stupid shit-face." I stated with a shake of my head.

"Thunder-thighs." He said with a smirk.

I started laughing. "That was cold, uncle-fucker."

"Vile fool." Sasori chuckled. "That was rather harsh. But I was only joking."

"Good to see that you're mind goes directly to such mean insults you withered, worthless, wannabe artist." I said with a grin in his direction.

His eyes narrowed. "You're asking for it." He sighed. "X is a hard one."

"I know!" I agreed. "That's why I hate getting it. Just think up something."

He ran a hand through his hair to get it out of his eyes as we ran through the trail cutting through the forest. "Xavier can run faster than you."

"Ouch." I winced. Seeing as he was in wheelchair… "You damn Yahoo." That means he's loud, insensitive, crude, and stupid! Win!

"Zhopa." He growled.

"Hey! I taught you that one!" I said with a laugh. Zhopa was Russian for asshole. Or at least that's what Brett told me. He is fluent in Russian, Japanese, and German. Obviously English too, but that's his native language.

He chuckled and nodded. "It was quiet useful, thank you."

"You're such a loser." I said with a smile.

"Alright Alice, we can go back. I want to work on your fighting too." He told me. "But we're sprinting the entire time back."

I sighed. "Damn it all!"

He smirked and increased his speed. I did the same and ran beside him as fast as I could, back to the valley. He was obviously using no chakra or anything so he wouldn't leave me in the dust, but it was still hard to keep up with him.

Damn ninja…

When we reached the valley once again, Sasori stopped in the center, but I saw something much better and kept running until I collided with it.

"Ah, hello my love." I said with a tired sigh, nuzzling the part of Itachi's chest my face rested against. "Hmm, you're just perfect aren't you?"

Itachi chuckled and looked down at me with a tender smile. He wrapped his arms around me and returned the hug, kissing the top of my head just to make us both feel better. "Hello Alice. How is your training coming along?"

I shrugged my arms around him. "Eh, it's alright. Sasori's training me right now. It was fun earlier when me and Deidara went all out and tried to kill each other."

Deidara chuckled. "That was really fun, un."

I smiled at him over my shoulder before looking back up into Itachi's beautiful Sharingan eyes. "What are you doing out here dearest?"

Itachi kissed my forehead. "I just wanted to come out here and see how you were doing."

"Alice! Get your ass over here!" Sasori barked. "Stop making me wait. I don't want to be out here all damn day."

I shot him a look over my shoulder. "I am hugging Itachi. This takes priority over you, puppet fucker."

Sasori narrowed his eyes. "I'll just cut your arms off then."

"Dick." I sighed.

Itachi chuckled and kissed me on the lips this time. "Go and train with him. It's for your own good, though Sasori does tend to be rather rough with you. I'll have to talk to him about it." He kissed me again. "You can spend all of tomorrow with me. If you still want to train tomorrow, I will train you."

"Deal." I said with a smirk. I kissed him extra long before hurrying back to Sasori. He gave me a sigh and a shake of his head before he addressed me.

**Third Person!**

Itachi took a seat on the boulder beside Kathryn and Deidara. Kathryn was sitting on Deidara's lap and they were both watching Alice and Sasori with intense interest.

"Deidara, what exactly is your plan of action?" Itachi wondered. "I sincerely hope you're not putting my Alice into danger." He glanced at the girl the bomber's arms. "Or Kathryn for that matter."

Deidara looked away from Alice and Sasori who were now trying to hit each other. "Alice and Kathryn aren't in any serious danger. Obviously because we're going into enemy territory there will be some risks, but it's nothing Danna and I can't handle, un." He kissed Kathryn's cheek. "I wouldn't let anything happen to Alice or Kathryn yeah."

"I certainly hope not." Itachi stated. "So what is your plan?"

Deidara frowned. "I don't really think we should do this, but Alice insists that we try and talk to the Kazekage beforehand. She's going to talk to him so there's no bias, un. If that doesn't work, then we go into fighting just like the show, but with our own twists so Danna doesn't die and I keep my arms, un."

Itachi nodded and looked at the blond duo. "I'm sure that it will go according to plan. I trust both you and Sasori to stay alive and keep our newest members safe, Deidara." He gave Kathryn a tiny smile when she beamed at him.

"Ouch! Jashin damn it Sasori!" Alice snapped. "You stepped on my toe you asshole."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Then watch your feet." He shook his head. "I swear, sometimes you're more uncoordinated than Kathryn is."

"Danna! That's mean!" Kathryn pouted. "You're a jerk Danna!"

Alice snickered and smirked at Sasori. "Ha, see? Serves you right you puppet asshole."

Sasori grabbed Alice and flipped her on her back. "Don't antagonize an opponent that's stronger than you."

Alice scoffed. "Because that's not 90% of the people in this world. Last time I checked, just about everyone was either a ninja or a samurai."

Sasori smirked. "There's nothing I can do about that."

Alice grabbed his wrist and kicked the back of Sasori's leg at the joint before pulling him down to her level and resting her elbow threateningly against his heart container through his cloak. "Don't underestimate someone who knows all of your weak spots and flaws."

He chuckled. "Good. Use your knowledge to your advantage. Talk them down if at all possible. If not, outwit them."

"I could do that with my eyes closed." Alice snickered, letting Sasori get up. "Though, hopefully I won't need to."

"Hopefully." Sasori said with a dip of his head as he got to his feet and dusted himself off. "Kathryn and I finished creating two spare chargers for your cell phones and music players."

Alice nodded. "Good. We'll need them. We need two to go with us and at least one to stay here. Kathryn is leaving her phone here with the guys. Hidan already knows how to work it and everything if the others don't." She crossed her arms. "I am bringing my phone with me to keep up on my knowledge as well as to contact you and Deidara or the others if need be."

"And I have Kathryn's touch screen music player that can receive messages just in case you need to contact us and we aren't with you." Sasori concluded.

Itachi appeared at Alice's side and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind her. He gave her a gentle kiss on her cheek before looking at Sasori. "It seems you've all thought this through. I am relieved." He kissed Alice again. "I think that's enough training for one day, Sasori. You've kept these two out here since dawn. It is almost nightfall."

Alice scoffed. "Bitch please. I've kept _him_ out here. He wanted to quit long ago, but I beat him into submission and kept him out here."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Don't delude yourself, Alice."

"I would never." She smirked before she turned around and latched onto Itachi. "But he's right. I could go on for longer, but I think Kathryn's pretty much spent for the day."

Sasori nodded. "I suppose you're right. You did well, Alice."

"COMPLIMENT!" Alice said loudly, pulling away from Itachi to point at Sasori. "Did anyone else hear that? It's a sign of the apocalypse!" She went into a defensive stance in front of Itachi. "Don't worry Itachi; I'll protect you from this fake!"

Itachi chuckled and pulled Alice into a hug. "You're so lively."

"It happens." She said with a smile. "Thanks Sasori. You did too."

He sighed. "I'm honored." He patted Alice's head without another word as he walked to Kathryn and Deidara. He put his hand gently on Kathryn's head and gave her a small, proud smile of encouragement. "Good job brat."

Kathryn smiled at him. "Thank you Danna."

Deidara picked up Kathryn and held her bridal style. "I'm going to take her back inside so she can take a shower and go to bed, un." He looked down at Kathryn fondly and smiled at her. "She worked hard and I'm sure she's tired, yeah."

Kathryn squealed about his sweetness before hugging him in a vice grip. "You're so sexy when you're being considerate and caring!"

Deidara chuckled and Sasori sighed and shook his head at her antics. The two artists then disappeared inside the base, leaving Alice and Itachi alone.

* * *

_Only a few more chapters before the actual storyline comes into play._

_Are you ready? I am._

_**Fun Fact:** Both Kathryn and Alice are extremely OCD. Alice has to have things in pairs and do things evenly while Kathryn can't stand anything out of order or not even. For example, if you hit Alice twice on her left arm, she'd tap herself twice on her right arm. All of Kathryn's things are arranged by color, size, shape, and if they have letters on them, they are alphabetized._

Answer: _I love Sasori in general. I don't really like Hiruko because he's ugly, but I love Sasori. He's sexy, I imagine him to be sarcastic, he was adorable as a child, and he's a badass puppet who works with poisons._

**QotC:** _What is your favorite thing about Madara? NOT TOBI. If you don't like Madara, tell me what you don't like about him._

_I think I might be switching my updating days to Fridays and Mondays. Good way to end the horrible day that is Monday for me and a good way to start off the weekend. _

_Oh, and I'm a Betareader now. So if you want me to be your beta or whatevs, just ask I guess. I don't know. A friend of mine on here suggested I become one so I did just for the hell of it._

_My ribs hurt like a bitch and I don't know why... Possibly because of the position I'm in. I'm sure if I move, they won't hurt anymore._

_Anywhozal, We're watching Inglorious Bastards in my AP History class. I feel like a winner because my teacher has a heart attack every time they say Fuck. XD  
_

_Happy Friday the 13th, I hope none of you get brutally murdered by a psycho killer:) _

_Toodles._


	31. Chapter 31

_Ah, hello dears. Here is another chapter for you. Semi-big authors note at the bottom because I'm in a story telling mood today. Hence why this chapter was nine pages long...  
_

_I actually enjoyed writing this one. But, because I'm lazy, I'm not really in the mood to look for typos and stuff._

_So deal with it._

_Anyways, enjoy the chapter this fanfiction of a manga/anime that I do not own._

_Yeah... 'bout dat...  
_

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

I woke up early the next morning. I'm not too sure why. I just didn't feel like sleeping right then. That for me, is really, really weird.

The first thing I really noticed was the godly body of the most wonderful man in the world, lying next to me. Itachi slept in his usual bed attire which is probably the third sexiest thing I've seen him in. He wore nothing but baggy pants. His hair was down and he was shirtless, teasing me with his sexiness.

Second place would be a towel. When he gets out of the shower and he's in nothing but a towel, I drool and eye-rape him.

First place would have to be nothing.

Now _that_ is sexy.

Anyways, before I creep myself out with my own perverseness, I'm going to get back to the reality that is happening inside me and Itachi's bedroom.

He was laying on his back, his head turned in my direction. I had woken up to see that I was using his shoulder as a pillow and we were holding hands. My inner girly-girl squealed at the cheesy cuteness.

However, my inner pervert and Alice was enthralled by his muscles. They were absolutely perfect. I've seen nice bodies in my time. Hidan pretty much flaunts his around 24/7 and Kisame was a muscle guru. But Itachi's body takes the cake.

His abs and pectorals were perfectly formed for his physical build. They weren't ridiculous and immensely prominent, but they certainly were there and there was no way you could mistake them for anything else.

He was yum all around.

I couldn't stop my hands from wandering over his torso.

I wasn't groping him if that's what you're thinking you perverts. I was touching him. I wasn't trying to molest a sleeping man, I was just marveling at his goods. The contours of his muscles were mesmerizing. Itachi was just an impressive man.

I had just made it back up over his abs to restart the process of running my hands over them when his free hand grabbed mine out of nowhere. To be honest, it scared the shit out of me. I almost freaked out and had a heart attack.

I looked up into his face to see him watching me with lidded eyes and a small smirk.

"Enjoying yourself?" He asked.

I nodded. "Very much so in fact."

He chuckled. "I could tell. You looked so focused before I grabbed your hand. Your expression was adorable."

"You're always adorable." I told him. He rolled his eyes but kissed me all the same.

"I love you Alice." Itachi stated. "More than anything in this world."

I smiled and kissed him back. "And I love you more than anything in any world."

He stroked the side of my face. "I'm so happy I found you."

"Correction." I said with a smirk. "I found you. If you recall, the first time we met, you were about five inches tall, black and fuzzy. You had whiskers and a tail and you were in a box on my doorstep."

He chuckled. "I remember." He nuzzled my face. "I should have known I would fall in love with the fiery girl who was intent on raping me before I had even met her."

"It's destiny bitch." I said kissing him. I opened my mouth to say more, but as fate would have it, Deidara decided to be difficult like he usually is.

Every damn morning…

"ART IS AN EXPLOSION, UN!" He shouted. A second later, a loud boom shook the base. I just sighed and shook my head, my eyes narrowing further when Kathryn's excited squeal sounded a second later.

"I hate them both." I sighed. I looked at Itachi when he chuckled. "Wanna get up?"

"We might as well." He stated.

Once we both were prepared for the day, the instant I enter the kitchen, I get attacked by Kathryn. She grabs me and wrenches me away from Itachi to whisper urgently in my ear.

"Alice, will you go with Kisame to the neighboring village to get some woman supplies?" Kathryn begged. "Please!"

I frowned. "Why can't you do it?"

"Because Kisame is your partner's partner." Kathryn pouted. "Plus, I'm turning into a werewolf." She sighed. "Konan asked me to ask you to go for us because she needs said woman supplies too. She's too busy to go and get them. Will you? Please?"

I sighed and smacked my forehead. "Fine. I'll go. But you owe me." She nodded happily and glomped me. I rolled my eyes and threw her off my person before I looked to Kisame. "Hey Sharky, I'm going with you to the village to get supplies."

He raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

"We girls need our monthly necessities." I stated. "Konan wants me to go for her because she's too busy." I turned my attention to my weasel. "Is that okay my dear?"

"That is acceptable." Itachi nodded. "I won't have to worry about your wellbeing with Kisame." He kissed my cheek when I walked to his side. "Just be careful."

"Roger." I said with a dip of my head. I glanced at Kathryn, pulling out my cell phone to make a list of what she needed. "What all do you want?" She listed off a bunch of items to me and then said some food item for her cravings.

Apparently she had some strange Japanese food item when she was traveling with Deidara and Sasori once and all she wanted as of now for her cravings was that particular food. I don't even know how to pronounce it or spell it.

"Alright, how do you spell it?" I asked, looked at Kathryn.

"I.T." She told me with a smirk.

I sighed, closing my eyes. "Ha, ha, ha, you're funny. Let's see how funny you are after I punch you in the face!" I mock laughed, my annoyed expression turned into a glare as my voice rose with my threat.

She whimpered and hid behind Deidara. "Don't hurt me."

I rolled my eyes and looked to Kisame now that my list was completed. "When do we leave my most lovable Kisame?"

He rolled his eyes but grinned. "Now. I want to be home before it gets dark so Itachi and I can train you some more."

I sighed. "Fine…"

And without further delay, Kisame and I departed for a village a few miles in the opposite direction of Ame. Apparently we have to go to different villages to avoid suspicion. It's actually a smart plan.

The weird thing was that it was Hidan's idea…

I know. Shocking right?

Back to reality.

Kisame and I were walking into the village, and about five minutes in, we started getting bored. And you know what happens when Kisame and I get bored without supervision?

No?

Well you will soon find out my friend.

Kisame sighed for the fifth time in the past minute. ( Exaggeration) So, in order to cure his boredom and mine, I smirked and elbowed the giant man's side. "Hey Kisame?"

He looked down at me curiously. "Yeah?"

I pointed to some random villager. He was wearing a straw hat, sandals, shorts, and a brow shirt. Yeah, he was beach ready. "You see that guy over there with the straw hat?"

Kisame looked in his direction and raised an eyebrow. "What about him?"

"He's actually a secret agent that can shoot bananas out of his eyes." I stated with something close to an impressed tone.

Kisame stared at me for a minute before laughing. "Is that right?" I nodded. "Do you see that kid right there?"

I followed his finger to see a little girl wearing a pink dress skipping after her parents. "Yep. What about her?"

"She's actually a firefighter. Her sandals are jet packs." He explained.

He watched way too many movies with me back in my world.

I laughed. "Excellent." I searched the crowd for our next person. "That old man is a former Pokémon master. He has heat vision and can only live on Twinkies."

"You come up with the weirdest shit…" Kisame snickered.

"Hey man, I'm just telling you how it is." I smiled, putting my hands up defensively.

Kisame directed my attention at a stall vendor. "That guy actually has ten nipples that produce different flavors of Hawaiian Punch."

Because that shit isn't weird. I never knew Kisame had it in him.

But damn was I impressed and proud.

I snorted and gestured at a rather large fat man. "That fat guy was actually an exotic dancer that went by the stage name of Candy Cane. He let himself go because his boyfriend, a large chunk of igneous rock, rejected him after six years of an abusive relationship."

Kisame laughed. "That's excellent."

I grinned as my next victim presented itself. I pointed Kisame in its direction. "You see that handsome man? He's a shark ninja. And you know what?"

Kisame sighed as he noticed I was pointing him at a mirror. "What?"

"He's my best friend, best of all best friends. Do you have a best friend too?" I sang, dancing as I did so "It tickles in my tummy. He's so yummy, yummy. Hey! You should get a best friend too!"

Such a good song. It describes my relationship with Kisame perfectly.

Kisame stared at me, looking utterly disturbed. But I could see the amused smirk hidden beneath the fear. "Alice, what are you doing?"

"Singing about my best friend." I stated. I curled my arm around his and pulled him along after me, still singing the wondrous song about my best guy friend.

He chuckled at me. "You are so strange."

Hello Captain of the Obvious.

"But you love it." I reminded him.

He nodded and kissed the top of my head. "That's true." He looked down at me. "Do you need money to get the things Kathryn and Konan need?"

"I shouldn't." I said with a smirk, holding up my winnings. "Pick-pocket."

"I know Itachi would disapprove of me encouraging your criminal activities, but good work Alice." Kisame said with a rumple of my hair.

I laughed. "Kakuzu and Hidan already encourage me enough. Your praise is just icing on the cake Kisame my dear."

It was true. Kakuzu took me out a few times with him to pick pocket people for him. Hidan encouraged it, saying I was getting closer and closer to Jashin.

They are _terrible_ role models.

Such a bad influence…

Kisame and I eventually split up to buy said supplies. Kisame looked really awkward as he followed me around while I bought lady products so I sent him away to get the other things. I promised him I would meet him by the entrance to the village we came in through.

You guys know what's really awkward?

Well, running into your good guy friends that you left to be with your bad guy friends is pretty awkward. And they were only here by chance.

Damn you fate. Damn you…

Here I am, sitting on a log, waiting for my shark when a big white dog that looks awfully familiar comes bounding over to me, barking happily.

Now I am ecstatic to see any dog. And it's only after I make the connection that his master is also nearby that I realize I'm in a predicament.

"Hey Akamaru." I said gently, petting the beautiful animal lovingly. "How are you boy? It's been a while." I kissed his big fluffy head just as a familiar voice sounds from somewhere in front of me.

"Akamaru! What is with you boy!" Kiba called. "I'm sorry ma'am. He won't hurt you. He's just being friendly." Kiba apologized.

Wow. He really is an idiot.

"Hey Kiba." I said with a smirk. I smiled at Hinata and Shino as they joined Kiba. Hinata looked shocked and yet pleased to see me while Shino just dipped his head in my direction.

Kiba did a double take and gawked. "Alice?" He grinned when he realized it was actually me. He picked me up in a big, awkward bear hug. "I'm so glad you're okay! How have you been?" I can't believe he's a ninja with that brain of his.

I smiled at him when he released me. "I'm fine. I'm just waiting on my babysitter to finish getting some supplies for the base." I cocked my head to the side. "How are you guys? Are you alright?"

If he randomly hugs me like that again, I'll cut his arms off.

Or one of the Akatsuki will…

Either way, he's losing his arms.

"We're fine." Hinata assured me. "So you're alright? They haven't hurt you right?"

I shook my head. "Nah. Though, Sasori left a big ass bruise on my foot from training yesterday." I smiled at her. "You guys truly don't have to worry about me. The Akatsuki would never hurt me. They owe me."

"Owe you?" Shino asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. Awhile back, the Akatsuki were in an extremely vulnerable situation. I took them in and cared for them until they were able to take care of themselves. Things happened, we grew close and I became a member of the family."

Kiba frowned at me. "Then what is that giant scar on your face from? Training?" He pointed at the scar Sasuke had left me.

"Actually that's from Sasuke Uchiha. He and Orochimaru kidnapped me and Kathryn shortly after I left Konoha." I said calmly. "He wanted to use me against his brother."

"Sasuke did that?" Hinata asked, shocked.

"Yep." I nodded. "Sad story, I know."

Kiba frowned again. "See? Being with the Akatsuki is dangerous for you. You should come back to Konoha. It's safer there."

"I can't go back to Konoha with you, Kiba." I sighed. "The guy I love is a member of the Akatsuki. Besides, he would bring Konoha to rubble if I was taken away from him."

"Who?" Shino wondered.

"Itachi Uchiha." I said with a smile. "He really isn't how Sasuke made him out to be."

"Sasuke's older brother?" Hinata asked with slight shock in her voice.

Hey man, I'd be more jealous if I was anyone other than myself.

Itachi is fucking awesome.

"That's the one." I said proudly. "He's sexy and awesome." She giggled.

"You've obviously been put in a Genjutsu." Kiba said, shaking his head. "It's too dangerous for you to be with the Akatsuki. Come back to the village with us."

I narrowed my eyes threateningly. "Kiba, I'm not going back with you guys. Konoha will be in extreme danger if I did. You guys are awesome and I love all of you Konoha ninjas, but I love the Akatsuki more. I stay with them."

"You're in a Genjutsu." Kiba persisted. "They're feeding you lies. That Uchiha is keeping you under control for your ability. For your own safety, and for the info you have, we have to take you back with us."

"Try it. I dare you." I said firmly. "I'm not going back. You're just going to get yourself killed. The member I'm with right now happens to be one of the most protective ones."

Kiba grabbed my wrist. "Then we'll just leave so we don't have to fight him." He looked at Hinata and Shino. "Let's go guys."

"Kiba, maybe we should listen to her…" Hinata said quietly.

"This is for Konoha. With the info she has on all of us, it's not safe for her to be running around with the enemy." Kiba stated. He began pulling me away from the village. He looked at me. "Don't fight Alice. I don't want to have to knock you out."

You see normally I would have fought him, but something else caught my eye.

Something huge.

And the huge thing that caught my attention was behind Kiba. "Oh shit."

Kiba frowned at my worried expression and turned around only to have a face full of large blue man. Kisame towered over the kid, looking furious. His hand shot forward and he picked Kiba up by the collar of his shirt.

Kiba was forced to let me go as Kisame lifted him like three feet off the ground to glare at him. "Do not touch her."

I think Kiba might have just shit his pants.

I know I would have if I was in his situation.

Kisame is fucking intimidating when he's angry.

"Kisame, don't hurt him please." I said with a sigh. Kisame looked at me for a second before tossing Kiba over his shoulder and walked to my side. He curled an arm around my shoulders and narrowed his eyes at the Konoha ninjas.

"Alice is with us. She's perfectly happy and safe with us." Kisame growled. "If it wasn't for the fact that she cares about you brats, I'd have already shredded you to pieces."

I smiled and shook my head. "Hinata, take them back okay? Honestly, don't worry about me. It'll be alright." I looked in Kiba's direction to see him sprawled comically on the ground with Akamaru standing beside him. "Make sure he's alright too."

Hinata nodded. "Bye Alice. Be careful."

"You too." I smiled. "Oh and Shino, Naruto isn't going to recognize you when he sees you after he returns from training with Jiraiya. Don't be too disappointed. He'll be back at the village soon so watch out."

"What?" He asked, looking confused.

Laughing, I shook my head at him. "You'll know what I mean when you see him next." I looked to Kisame. "Shall we best friend?"

Kisame gave me his amazing grin. "Yep."

One of the best things about Kisame: He's never mad at me. He's too sweet.

He scooped me into his arms and in the next second we were heading towards the base at an impressive speed. We took a few detours to make sure no one was following us, but soon we were back inside the safety of the massive hideout.

I instantly latched onto Itachi once I deposited the female necessities on Kathryn's lap in the kitchen. He smiled at me and kissed my forehead lovingly. "Welcome back my love."

"Hello smexy man." I smirked. I kissed his lips. "Let's make babies."

Itachi chuckled and squeezed me in a hug. "Perhaps we will later."

"Score!" I said in victory with a fist pump. I laughed when I noticed Kathryn, Deidara, and Hidan staring at me. Sasori and Kakuzu didn't even bother. Zetsu just kind of rolled his eyes and chose to ignore me. Kisame was snickering.

"Alice!" Kathryn gawked. "Since when do you say stuff like that?"

"Bitch, I'm the one that corrupted _you_." I reminded her. "You're only the way you are because of me." I looked at Deidara. "You're welcome."

Deidara chuckled. "Thanks yeah."

Kathryn giggled. "He's sweet."

"I now know who to blame for Kathryn's stupidity though I should have figured. She gets it from you." Sasori stated calmly. Kathryn pouted.

"And Tobi gets his from you." I said firmly.

"Ouch." Zetsu laughed. "**She got you there Sasori.**"

Sasori smirked at me. "Fair enough."

I laughed and looked at Itachi. "Training? Or are you going to love me and let me skip it today?"

"Nice try." Kisame said with a chuckle.

"Damn it." I sighed.

Itachi kissed my cheek and lifted me up with him as he stood. "We'll take it easy today."

I stuck my tongue out at Kisame before following him and Itachi out of the room. Kisame made to grab my tongue but I bit his hand. He pouted at my biting so I had to glomp him to apologize. Itachi just watched us with an amused expression.

Well, as amused as a stoic Uchiha's expression gets.

That's not very amused.

But hey, we'll go with it.

I started singing "Best Friend" by Toybox again while latched into Kisame as he kind of carried me to the training grounds. The only thing that kept me from falling was the fact that I was latched into him like a koala and the fact that my leg had gotten caught in Samehada's holder thing.

So when I had to let go of Kisame, I was basically hanging onto him by my leg. He laughed at my expense while Itachi kindly helped me get free, chuckling at me the entire time.

Asshole.

It's not _my_ fault Samehada's holder thing loves my limb.

Itachi wrapped his arm around me once I was on my feet and stable. "Kisame wants to work on your swordsmanship." Itachi informed me.

I smiled. "Alright Kisame, let's do this."

He chuckled. "Do you have your sword?"

"Chyeah!" I told him, tearing my sword from its sheath on my back, feeling like a super badass. "I never go anywhere without this thing after you threatened to eat my toes when you caught me without it."

Kisame cocked his head at me. "You have to always be prepared."

Itachi shook his head at our antics. "You both are so strange."

"You love it." Kisame and I said in unison.

Ah, Kisame has learned well.

I readied my badass katana that had a really cool black hilt with red threading shit on it. It was awesome for sure. Red and black were my favorite colors. *Cough* Sharingan! Akatsuki! *Cough*.

Like I said, I drew said sword and got ready to get my ass kicked by Kisame. I was only decent against people who didn't use a sword. The only moves I knew before I started training with Kisame were the moves I memorized from frequently watching Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and other moves with extreme sword/lightsabre action in my time.

I have a photographic memory and I'm an otaku. Not too hard to memorize things like that. I know I have problems. You don't need to tell me.

Kisame told me I had improved once he finished wiping the floor with me. He said had I been fighting anyone other than one of the seven swordsmen, I would be fine.

Yeah… fuck that.

Once I was done with Kisame, I moved on to Itachi. He wanted to work on my hand-to-hand combat again. And so we did.

I had just deflected one of his blows when he paused and grabbed my wrist, holding it gently in his hand to look at it. His eyes narrowed. "What happened to your wrist?"

I raised my eyebrow. "What's wrong with it?"

He showed it to me. "There is a red mark on it in the shape of a hand. It looks like it's going to bruise. I know I have not grabbed you so roughly." He glanced into my eyes. "What happened?"

I shrugged. "I honestly don't have a clue what happened." I didn't. The only explanation would be from when Kiba grabbed it earlier. But it didn't hurt or anything.

Odd.

Kisame walked over, noticing we were checking out my wrist. "What's up?"

"Alice's wrist is bruising." Itachi stated. "Are you aware of why that is?" His voice was almost threatening. Like he suspected Kisame or something.

I frowned. "Kisame didn't do it Itachi. It must have been Kathryn when she grabbed me this morning. Or Sasori from last night."

Kisame's eyes narrowed. "It was probably that Konoha ninja from earlier."

Itachi's eyes flashed to me. "Konoha ninja?"

"That's probably it." I said with a nod. "I didn't even think about it until you said something. It's weird though. He didn't hurt me or anything. It doesn't hurt now either. I wouldn't have noticed if you wouldn't have said anything Itachi."

"What happened in the village?" Itachi asked.

"Kiba, Hinata, and Shino were on a mission in the village." I said with a shrug. "We ran into each other, exchanged some pleasantries, Kiba was convinced you had me in a Genjutsu to lie to me. He got defensive and tried to make me go back to Konoha with him for my safety." I sighed. "Kisame got there just when he grabbed me and made Kiba shit his pants in fear. Nothing too exciting."

Itachi sighed. "Alright." He looked at me. "We can be done for the day. You've been training nonstop for the past few weeks. You can take it easy for one day."

I shrugged. "Fair enough." I hugged him, kissing him as I did so. "I loves you."

He smiled. "I love you too, Alice."

I directed my attention to Kisame once I kissed Itachi again. "I love you as well Kisame."

"Me too kid." Kisame smirked. He patted my head gently before announcing his leave. Once he returned to the base, Itachi and I just stood there for a while, holding one another. It was peaceful. I was content.

But then it started raining.

Damn you Pein.

"Pein, I'm going to rip your awesome piercings out of your beautiful face if you don't cut the rain!" I shouted up at the sky.

And you know what he does?

It rains even harder than ever.

"Alright, that's it. I'm killing him." I growled. "Let's go Itachi."

He chuckled at my hostility but followed me all the same.

When we got to Pein's office, he was standing there, looking at the door and waiting for me with a smirk on his face. Konan was giggling at his side, smiling at me.

"Time to die, my fearless leader!" I barked. I ran to his side and started poking the shit out of him with both hands. He kind of stood there, watching me with a raised eyebrow. Itachi just smiled at my idiocy while Konan giggled.

"Alice." Pein stated. "Is this your attempt at killing me?"

"I can't kill you silly!" I scoffed. "Where would Konan get manly love if I did that?"

He sighed and shook his head and Konan snorted. Itachi raised a disturbed eyebrow but remained silent.

Pein did a random sequence of twitching and I responded with my own. We high fived a second later and did a nifty little handshake. It ended with Pein acting like he was smoking a blunt which is all around win in my opinion.

He's so fucking awesome.

Konan and Itachi questioned our sanity once we finished our handshake and random motions. I grinned at him proudly and he smirked at me. He patted my head approvingly.

"Well done Alice." He told me.

I scoffed. "It was all you Pein."

He chuckled and shook his head. "You have such a short attention span."

"And you're a butthead." I pouted. My pout changed into a smile. I hugged Konan, bowed and saluted to Pein who I had dragged Konan over to before skipping back to Itachi. "Shall we leave the love birds alone my darling weasel?"

He raised an eyebrow at me but complied, giving a small bow to Pein and Konan. We left the newer couple alone to go and spend some nice quality time together. I would be leaving him in two days to go with Sasori and Deidara to get Gaara.

* * *

_I want you to know, that I laugh my ass off thinking about Pein smoking a blunt. lol..._

_there's some kid from a neighboring school outside on the street in front of my house laughing like a mad woman._

_It's starting to freak me out. I might either A) Set my dogs after her. B) Go outside and tackle her myself. or C) Run outside with a knife and scare her away. I shall in form you next chapter of what I do if she doesn't stop by the time I'm done typing all this._

**_Fun Fact:_** _I'm running out of fun facts. Alice is actually allergic to cats. I am too actually, but we have two of them because my aunt is a crazy cat lady and she wants to kill everyone._

Answer:_ There isn't a way to describe my love for Madara. He's just so... awesome. Though, I would prefer he still looked like he did in his pre-Konoha phase because that, was sexy._

**QotC:** _What's your favorite thing about Tobi? (How many of you saw this question coming?) If you don't like Tobi, tell me what you don't like about him?_

_So, my grandma decided she wanted to repaint her "show room" which is essentially a sitting room you would see in like a magazine that no one (besides me and the dogs) ever goes in. And my crazy aunt was in there arranging flowers or something, (I honestly don't know what she does, she's insane) and she knocked over a thing of paint onto the carpet. Now, I want you all to know that I saw her do it. She sees her mistake, hurries from the room, and leaves it there._

_Now me being the good grandchild I am, (Fuck that) I say "Hey, someone spilled some paint." My grandma is like "Aunt Crazy, did you do that? I heard a crash when you were in here." My aunt blames it on the damn dog. I'm sitting there laughing my ass off at the entire situation. It's just ridiculous how stupid some people are. This is why I hate the human race. Everyone is so quick to blame shit on others._

_Enough of my ranting. Enjoy the chapter. Tell me what you think._

_Toodles loves._


	32. Chapter 32

_It's Friday._

_The seniors did their pranks today. They were kind of lame. The best was the mice they released._

_Kathryn stole one and carried it around with her all day in a wooden box she had._

_She named it Fredrickson..._

_Anyways, here's the chapter. Excuse typos/Grammar issues I'm tired and sick._

_I own black socks, but not Naruto._

* * *

Did you guys know Kathryn can draw?

I know she says she can only draw stick figures and shit, but that's because she actually hates drawing. But when she has something to draw, she can.

Don't believe me because of that shitty stick figure drawing she did back in our world?

Well she can. She's freaking awesome at it. She got all kinds of awards and scholarships for her drawing skills. And that isn't even what she wanted to do. She prefers photography. Plus, she's just extremely lazy and doesn't like to apply herself to anything that doesn't involve a blond bomber.

Also, I think the fact that she was drawing with Tobi fucked up her abilities…

Tobi has that affect on people.

Anyways, back to Kathryn's drawing.

We were having our last training lesson with Zetsu before we left for Suna, so he was giving us a task to do. We had to put something in each member's room without getting caught. We were allowed to work together. All that mattered is that we got it done before nightfall.

Kathryn was drawing said items we were putting in their rooms. We both had shooed our lovers away and were silently plotting in a room far away from everyone else. She was drawing her last picture that we would put in Pein's office.

Pein and Konan were out on a mission, so we didn't have to worry about them for a while. They were going to be spot number one. She only drew one picture for the two of them to share. The other members got their own picture.

And do you know what those pictures were?

Yaoi.

Hardcore fucking yaoi.

Kathryn drew a yaoi scene for each partner. We were both giggling our heads off as we thought about their reactions.

Would you like an appropriate description?

Hidan's picture: He was getting pounded from behind by Kakuzu. A pool of blood was beneath them and random knives and shit were sticking out of Hidan. There was also a banana peel in the corner of the picture for some reason. Kathryn's little flair I guess.

Fuck, we even got colors for these pictures.

We went all out.

Kakuzu's picture: Hidan was on his knees in between Kakuzu's legs, sucking on Kakuzu's "third leg". No blood and gore was in this picture, but Kakuzu was sitting on a throne made of stacks of money. There was no banana peel, but Kakuzu was wearing a pimp hat.

The money throne was my idea.

The pimp hat was hers.

Sasori's picture: Deidara was putting his hands to good use on himself while Sasori had his way with the blond bomber. There were a couple puppets that looked more like dolls aiding in the smexy act. Again, Kathryn added a little flair of putting the puppets in dresses.

Sasori was going to be pissed.

I couldn't wait.

Deidara's picture: He was being taken by his Danna on his clay dragon. Sasori was wearing a pirate hat while Deidara wore an eye patch. Clay birds were flying around them, making hearts in the sky. Deidara had a speech bubble that had him begging for more from his Danna. Kathryn drew some penis shaped clouds for my enjoyment.

We were totally going to die.

They were going to kill us.

Kisame's picture: He was going at it with Itachi. He was seme like we both preferred. They were underwater with sharks making hearts around them. A few fish were swirling around the pair too. Kathryn threw in a scuba diver looking extremely confused in the corner.

Kisame might eat us.

We'll be sleeping with the fishes soon enough.

Itachi's picture: Kisame and Itachi were having passionate sex in Itachi's Tsukuyomi. A few weasels could be seen in the Genjutsu watching the pair. Itachi had a bow around his neck and was lovingly kissing Kisame who had a spiked collar on. Yeah, I don't know either. The best part was the fact that not only did Itachi have Kisame's member in his rear, he also had Kisame's hand on his other sexual body parts. And Samehada was asking Kisame what happened to their relationship.

If Itachi could use Tsukuyomi on us, he totally would.

He was going to go Mangekyō on our asses.

Zetsu's picture: He had split in two. His white half was deflowering Tobi while his black half had his joy stick in the eye hole of Tobi's mask. It was actually very disturbing. Kathryn did it all by herself. I had no part in it. There was a Venus flytrap in the corner of the picture, asking Zetsu to take him back because he missed their bond.

Yeah, a bit extreme.

Zetsu actually would eat us.

Tobi's pictures: On the front there was a picture of Tobi riding Zetsu with a cowboy hat on while Zetsu had vines holding Tobi to him. On the back, Madara was making Zetsu his bitch. Kathryn gave Madara a whip and leather clothes and everything. It was fucking amazing.

He might also kill us.

We were going to die.

Pein and Konan's picture: Pein and Konan sat beside one another sweetly in a beautiful park while their children, the Akatsuki members in children form, ran around and played together. Kathryn drew me and her with binoculars in the bushes, watching them like weirdos.

It was excellent.

Konan would love it because her and Pein looked adorable and lovey.

"Alright Kat." I said with a smirk, snickering my head off. "Shall we?"

"Plan A?" She asked.

I nodded. "Let's go." We gathered the drawings and departed. We split up to cover more ground and do this right. I took Pein/Konan's, Zetsu's, Tobi's, Itachi's, and Kisame's. She took Sasori's, Deidara's, Hidan's, and Kakuzu's.

I took more because I was better at sneaking than her. From what I knew, all of the Akatsuki were in the kitchen and living room other than Pein and Konan who were gone. So, I went to our leaders' office first.

That was actually pretty easy. Once the picture was hanging on the wall right behind Pein's desk, I left his office to go to Zetsu's room. It was the closest where Kisame's was the furthest.

As expected, Zetsu was gone. I quickly hung the wonderful work of art on the wall next to Zetsu's bed before sprinting from the room. I hurried to Tobi's next. I could hear him fucking with Deidara on the other side of the base so I hurriedly hung the picture from the ceiling above his bed so it could rotate in the air.

I was going to fucking die.

Sneaking from Tobi's room, I went straight to me and Itachi's room. I stuck the picture on Itachi's dresser and slipped into Kisame's room. I stuck it on his closet door without alerting any of my targets to my actions.

Leaving Kisame's room, I met Kathryn in our designated meeting place. We met in a closet near the kitchen. I hurried there, making sure no one caught onto me. Kathryn was already sitting inside waiting for me.

Grinning at her as she stifled giggles, I grabbed her hand and dragged her to the kitchen to find Zetsu. He was standing beside the fridge thing. I waved him over when his eyes locked on us and grinned at him when he approached us.

"We're done, Zetsu." I told him with a smile. "Task completed."

He managed to look impressed. "Odd, I didn't even sense you moving around the base. **You two have gotten better. What did you put in their rooms?**"

"You'll see." I smirked. Kathryn giggled and pulled me down the hallway. "We left something for you too."

"GO CHECK YOUR BEDROOMS!" Kathryn yelled. She was much too eager to see their reactions. We made it safely inside one of the solitary rooms on the opposite side of the hideout that no one ever used. Once we hid ourselves securely, we waited.

**Third Person!**

"What the hell is she talking about?" Hidan asked Zetsu.

Zetsu smirked. "Alice and Kathryn were sneaking around the base putting things in your rooms. **We told them to as a task. We don't know what they put in there though. **It could be anything. **You might want to go check.**"

Sasori frowned. "I have a feeling I'm going to want to kill them." He turned and left the kitchen, heading straight for his room.

**First Person Alice!**

I grinned into the darkness as I waited for a reaction I knew I would hear.

And hear it I did.

"DAMN IT ALICE AND KATHRYN! I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!" Hidan shouted. I heard Kathryn giggle loudly from an empty cabinet in the bathroom. I shushed her quickly just in case Hidan was on the hunt.

"WHAT THE HELL UN!" Deidara yelled. "KATHRYN! ALICE!"

I snorted and Kathryn giggled.

"BRAT, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Sasori hollered.

Oh Jashin, he was ready to kill.

"Alice!" Itachi called. "I believe you have some explaining to do!"

I bit my lip to hide the laughter.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Kisame demanded. "THAT SHIT IS GROSS!"

Poor, poor Kisame.

"**WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS?**" Zetsu roared. "ALICE AND KATHRYN!"

"TOBI DOESN'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT! BUT THIS PICTURE IN HIS ROOM IS DIRTY!" Tobi called. I could hear a different tone in his voice.

Uh oh, Madara was angry.

"ALICE AND KATHRYN, I'M GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF BOTH OF YOU!" Kakuzu shouted.

Damn we are so screwed.

**Third Person!**

Pein and Konan walked into the base to find all eight present members hunting for something, looking extremely angry. Pein raised his eyebrow in question.

"What's going on?"

"Leader-sama!" Hidan shouted. "I'm going to fucking kill those bitches!"

Konan frowned. "What did they do?"

"They drew disgusting fucking pictures of us!" Hidan growled. With that, he marched out of the room intent on hunting Kathryn and Alice down.

Zetsu stepped forward. "They probably drew one for each of you too. **It's disgusting.**"

Konan raised her eyebrow and walked to Pein's office. She grinned when she saw the picture hanging on the wall behind his desk. She took it down and smiled at it, giggling at the detail. "What's wrong with it? I think it's cute."

Pein rolled his eyes when she showed it to him. "Very nice."

"You guys were cute as kids." Konan stated. "Who drew this?"

"Probably Alice." Itachi stated. "From the one picture Kathryn drew for Deidara back in their world, she cannot draw." He looked at the picture when Konan handed it to him. "This is nothing like what she drew for us."

Pein frowned. "What did she draw for you guys?"

"You don't want to know." Sasori growled. "Don't worry, you'll get to see. Once we find those brats, I'm going to make them admit to each drawing under torture."

Konan rolled her eyes. "It can't be that bad."

"KONAN! PROTECT ME FROM HIDAN!" Alice shouted, running into the room with Kathryn beside her. Hidan ran into the room a second later with his scythe very much in his hand and ready to slay.

Kathryn hid behind Konan while Alice saw Pein as the better protector and hid behind him, shaking him at any Akatsuki member that came too close.

**First Person Alice!**

I hid behind Pein with a death grip on his cloak, watching all of the angry Akatsuki members who looked like they wanted to kill me. And I knew exactly why.

Konan giggled at us. "Are you two causing trouble?"

"No pretty lady." Kathryn pouted. "We just wanted to share the love."

"THAT IS NOT FUCKING LOVE!" Hidan shouted.

"Technically it is love…" I mumbled into Pein's cloak. Kathryn snickered.

Sasori frowned. "I agree with Hidan." He crossed his arms. "You both will pay for those… drawings." He shuddered as he thought of it.

He probably fucking loved it.

Konan showed us the picture Kathryn drew for her and Pein. "This is cute. I love it."

"I'm glad." I said with a smile. "I knew you would love it."

Pein sighed. "Alright, show me why you're all throwing temper tantrums. I don't have time for this so hurry up."

Hidan thrust his picture in Konan's face. It was in a frame…

"You framed it?" I asked in slight disbelief.

"NO! THAT'S HOW I FUCKING FOUND IT YOU BITCH!" Hidan yelled.

"I bet you actually framed it because you like it and intend to keep it." I challenged. "You sick pervert."

Kathryn giggled. "I put it in the frame." I gave her a high five as Konan took the picture and looked at it. We both watched her jaw drop and she gawked at Kakuzu and Hidan before looking at Kathryn and I.

"Oh my god." Konan said in a shocked tone. She handed it to Pein who instantly cleared his throat and handed it back to Hidan.

I buried my face into his back as I laughed my ass off at their reactions.

Fucking priceless.

One by one all of the Akatsuki members showed their drawings to Pein and Konan and each other. Pein frowned at the Madara side of the picture and glanced at me with disapproval in his eyes. I just shrugged and gave him a smile.

Then it was time for the rest of the Akatsuki to see. Obviously someone did something about Madara's picture because no one said anything about it. I saw Itachi's eyes widen at it but that was about it.

Whether it was because it was Madara's or because of Madara in the picture I didn't know. But does it matter? It was funny as shit.

"Alright you two, which one of you drew these?" Pein asked.

Kathryn grinned. "I did."

"Don't lie brat." Sasori snapped.

"She's not." I told him. "She's actually awesome at drawing. But she only does it when she really wants to. She prefers to draw stick figures because it's easier than drawing things like… that."

Pein shook his head and sighed at our antics. "Very well. None of you are permitted to physically harm Alice or Kathryn. Alice and Kathryn, I ask that you refrain from posting such lewd images around my base."

"Yes sir." Kathryn said with a smile.

"Blame Zetsu. He's the one who told us to put stuff in your guys' rooms." I stated, pointing at the offending plant man.

Zetsu frowned. "I did indeed tell you to put something in their rooms. **But we didn't tell you to put **_**those things**_** in their rooms. You put them in ours too!** We were testing you on stealth, not drawing abilities. **I fail you at the last part.**"

"I take they passed their stealth test then?" Konan wondered.

Zetsu nodded. "I didn't even notice them wondering around the base. Their lack of chakra is beneficial to them. They did it perfectly. **Even though it was gross.**"

"Hidan wouldn't have found us either had Kathryn not fallen out of the cabinet laughing her ass off at all of your reactions." I sighed.

Pein nodded. "Good." He looked at me. "You two make sure you're rested and ready to go. You two depart with Sasori and Deidara first thing in the morning."

"Right-o my fearless leader." I said with a salute and a bow. I hugged Konan, high fived Kathryn and then skipped to Itachi. "Let's go have goodbye sex!"

Itachi just rolled his eyes at my joking antics and followed after me.

We left the others alone with their pictures to enjoy them.

While we left to enjoy each other…

DIRTY THOUGHTS!

* * *

~~~Line~~~

* * *

"Alice you need to get up." Itachi stated. "You're leaving with Sasori and Deidara soon."

I pouted in my sleepy haze and latched onto him. "I don't want to leave you."

He chuckled and kissed me. "I don't want you to leave me either my love, but it is necessary. I'll be waiting here for you."

"Come with me." I begged pitifully, opening my eyes to pout and kiss him lovingly. "You can hide in my pants. They'll never find you."

He smiled. "I wish I could come with you. I don't think I'd fit in your pants though."

"You want me to make a sexual comment don't you?" I asked flatly. He smirked and kissed me, hugging me to his person securely.

"I've had my sexual fill of Alice for the time being." He told me.

I laughed. "Okay you pervert, let me up so I can get ready to go." He shook his head and pinned me to the bed.

"I'm not ready to let you go yet." He whispered in my ear.

I smiled and rolled my eyes. I took off my Uchiha clan necklace that Kathryn had gotten me and put it around his neck. "I'll be back for this. I've never taken it off since I got it, so be sure you keep it safe. Just like yourself."

He looked at it and smiled before kissing me. "I expect you to hurry back to me to get this and me." He hugged me. "I love you, Alice."

"I love you too Itachi." I told him, closing my eyes as I enjoyed his soothing presence. "I'll be back as soon as I can without any casualties. But now I need to get ready or Sasori is going to eat my face. And if they walk in here right now, they'll see a very sexual situation and I really don't feel like dealing with that awkwardness."

He nodded. "I'll get ready with you. I don't want to let you go yet."

"Sounds good." I said with a smile.

We both got ready together. And since Itachi wasn't ready to let me go, he certainly didn't. There wasn't a point during our "getting ready session" were he wasn't holding onto me in some way.

Once we were both clothed and clean and ready to rock, we sat on his bed and held onto each other. It was going to be so hard to leave him. We were leaving them Kathryn's cell phone as promised and he could talk to me when he wanted to, but otherwise I wouldn't be seeing the love of my life for a long time.

Our cuddle session was interrupted by a knock on our door. Neither of us looked up as whoever it was entered the room. From the "Awe" I knew it was Kathryn, but I chose to ignore her. I just wanted my weasel.

"Alice, Danna and Dei are waiting at the exit for us." Kathryn stated. "I'm sorry Itachi."

Itachi looked away from me to stare at her. "Just make sure both of you come back safe." He kissed my forehead. "Come, let's go to the entrance."

I nodded and stood, holding his hand. He switched his hold on me to curl his arm around my shoulders. I curled my arm around his waist and together we walked to the entrance to the base with Kathryn leading the way.

All of the Akatsuki were there waiting for us. Kathryn walked to Deidara when we got close enough. I however stayed locked to Itachi's side. Both willingly and because he showed no signs of letting me go.

"This is going to be a dangerous mission." Pein stated. "All of you stick to the plan, and come back safely." He looked at Sasori and Deidara. "I expect you both to watch over Alice and Kathryn." His gaze drifted to me. "Help Sasori and Deidara. You know much about our world."

"Got it." I said with a smile. I yelped in shock when I was lifted into the air. Kisame had picked me up and pulled me into a hug. I smiled and hugged him back. "Bye Kisame."

"See ya kid. Take care of yourself and the other kids too." Kisame stated.

I nodded and kissed his cheek. "I'll miss you. Please watch out for Itachi for me. And keep yourself safe too." I whispered into his ear.

"I will." He assured me. He set me down and I was stable long enough before Tobi tackled me.

"AH! TOBI!" I yelped.

"Tobi will miss Alice-chan!" Tobi cried dramatically. "Be careful kid." Madara whispered into my ear. I smiled and hugged Tobi/Madara back.

"See ya Tobi." I said. "I'll miss you too."

I grabbed Itachi's hand once Tobi helped me up and skipped away. Still holding onto my weasel I hugged Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Pein, and Konan. I said my goodbyes to most of my criminals before saying my final one.

"Sorry Sasori, last one." I said with an apologetic smile.

He nodded in understanding. "It's fine."

I smiled at him again before hugging Itachi. "Bye Itachi."

He hugged me back lovingly. "Please hurry back to me, Alice."

"I will." I assured him. "Take care of yourself and please try to sleep and stuff. You can call me or whatever whenever you want. I'll always answer." I kissed him. "But I have to go. Sasori has already extended his patience enough."

He chuckled and kissed me. I responded with another. "I love you Alice."

"I love you too." I squeezed him once last time before breaking away from him. I said goodbye to everyone else without taking my eyes off Itachi. I followed Deidara, Kathryn, and Sasori from the base and my eyes never left his until the doors rumbled shut.

I sighed once he was out of sight and walked beside Sasori as we walked away from the base. He patted my shoulder and smirked at me when I gave him one.

Me and Sasori, by ourselves with our two main sources of insults…

This was going to be battle central.

I could already tell this trip would be dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh no, un." Deidara sighed. "I know those looks yeah."

Sasori and I turned around slowly at the same time to smirk at Deidara and Kathryn. "What looks?" We said in unison.

Kathryn giggled. "You two are so alike!"

"No we aren't!" Sasori and I barked. We paused and looked at each other, shrugging after a moment.

Deidara sighed and shook his head. "We're going to have to kill them if we plan on surviving, Kathryn, un."

Kathryn smiled. "They're totally best friends."

"We are not." Sasori stated. "I am not friends with Alice."

"I don't have friends as stupid as Sasori is." I said calmly. "You're the dumbest I'll go, Kathryn."

Sasori smirked at me. "That's saying a lot considering you're dumber than she is."

"Ouch." I winced. "That hurt." I sighed. "You don't have much room to talk, Sasori."

Deidara frowned. "You guys are mean, un."

"Shut up Brat/Deidara." Sasori and I said in unison. We looked at each other again before looking away a second later to focus on the road ahead of us.

"Deidara, do you have those birds ready?" Sasori asked. "We need to reach Suna soon."

"Yes Sasori no Danna. They're ready, un." Deidara stated. I watched his hands spit out the birds after he formed the clay they spit out a few minutes before into two owls. Kathryn grinned in excitement when she saw they were owls.

"OWLS!" Kathryn said dreamily. "I love owls."

"That's why I made them, un." Deidara assured her.

I smirked. "Deidara, do you know what your name stands for?"

Kathryn jumped up and down, her hand in the air. "I know!"

"I know you know. I want to see if Deidara does." I stated.

Deidara shrugged. "No, what does it stand for hmm?"

"It stands for: Dangerously Explosive Idiot Doing Amazingly Reckless Art." I informed him, smiling as I did so. He was smirking at me.

"You've certainly got the 'Dangerous idiot' part right." Sasori agreed.

"Thanks Danna, un." Deidara deadpanned.

Sasori smirked. "You're welcome Brat."

Kathryn jumped on Deidara's back. "Let's ride the birdies! I wanna go!"

Deidara chuckled. "Alright yeah. Danna, you and Alice get to ride together, un. Me and Kathryn are riding this one yeah."

"Fair enough." Sasori shrugged. He wrapped his arm around my waist before he jumped onto the owl. Deidara copied him, grabbing Kathryn and springing onto his bird. Once all of us were settled, he readied the birds and they flew off, leaving the Akatsuki base far behind us.

* * *

_Soon Gaara will come in to play._

_I lied at the top. The best "prank" was the fact that the seniors turned the lunch room into the great hall and sorted us into houses. I was put in the Griffyndor table until my brother demanded I join the Slytherin house._

_Other than that, I don't have any nice stories for you today..._

_**Fun Fact:** As you can see from this chapter, Kathryn is incredible at drawing. Her best drawings are of animals (owls), but she draws good people too. _If anyone wants to draw those, feel free_  
_

Answer: _Tobi, Tobi, Tobi. What can I say about Tobi that isn't obvious? He's an adorable idiot. What's not to love?_

**QotC:** Favorite thing about Konan. If you don't like Konan, tell me why.

_I've been sick for the past few days. :( It sucks. I've felt like death and I've just wanted to sleep but I haven't slept in like 4 days because I cough up pieces of my lungs every five minutes._

_Oh and as to what I did to that weird girl... I walked outside with the hose and strayed her the hell down. There were other little kids on the road at that point too so I hosed them as well. My neighbors hate me. Except for the old people. Which just so happens to be 80% of my street._

_Well toodles my dears. I'mma go take sleeping pills and chug some cough syrup and take a nap._


	33. Chapter 33

_I want to point out the fact that we are almost at 500 reviews. And because of that awesomeness, I'm going to update early. Possibly even twice today._

_It depends on how busy I am though. I'm still sick. Again, please excuse any typos and stuff. I'm not in the mood to edit/fix anything. That's why this chapter is lame.  
_

_And it's only getting worse. I now have no voice at all. I sound like a 12 year old boy going through puberty._

_I have the cracking voice and everything. It's beautiful._

_Anyways, enjoy if you can. I don't own Naruto._

* * *

"I have a feeling this is going to suck really bad." I sighed as the four of us entered the sandy desert that we knew Suna was located in.

"What makes you say that, un?" Deidara asked.

"I fucking hate the heat. Why do you think I kept my condo like negative 10 degrees all winter?" I sighed again. "Why couldn't we have gone to the tundra instead of a fucking desert?"

Kathryn grinned. "You can work on your tan, Alice. You're pale enough as it is. Your legs are like ghostly white because you haven't worn shorts since we were in 5th grade."

"I like pants." I growled. "And I burn more than I tan."

Kathryn shrugged. "I tan."

I rolled my eyes. "We aren't all former models are we?"

"Not everyone can be as amazing as I am." Kathryn said sadly.

Sasori frowned. "Thank god for that."

I snorted. "Sasori is right, Kathryn."

"Shut up Danna!" Kathryn pouted. "Be nice or I'll get Dei to beat you up."

"I'm terrified." Sasori deadpanned.

"Just ignore them Kathryn, un." Deidara said sweetly. "They're just jealous yeah."

Sasori and I exchanged a look before looking at Deidara. "Of what?" We asked in unison.

Deidara pouted. "Shut up, un."

Kathryn and Deidara departed into the pity corner while Sasori and I relished their misfortune and suffering.

"So Sasori, how long is it going to be before we reach Suna?" I asked.

"We should be there by tomorrow night." Sasori stated. "And that's without a break and at this pace."

Kathryn frowned. "You know, that kind of rhymed…"

"You're an idiot." Sasori and I said together.

Okay, we really need to stop doing that.

It's getting a bit ridiculous.

Anyways… As we strolled leisurely through the desert, I whipped out my cellular device and messaged the others.

_This text message is for Itachi. Hidan, give him the phone. You can't look. Itachi! I love you babe. (: you make me super happy. You're adorable too. I want you to know that I'm getting ready to annoy the shit out of Sasori. Hidan, if you're still reading this, I want you to know that I taped the picture Kathryn drew of you and Kakuzu on the ceiling of your bedroom before we left._

And I locked the device, waiting for a response. Following my original plan, I picked up my pace slightly until I reached Sasori's side. Once I did, I looped my arm through his and looked straight ahead, with a completely straight face.

"What are you doing?" He asked, staring at me with an expression that was blatantly not amused. Sasori is _never_ amused unless it's at another's expense.

I don't blame him.

I raised my eyebrow and looked at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Why did you lock arms with me?" He questioned.

I looked at him like he was crazy. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about Sasori." I pointed at the sky with my free hand. "I think the sun is getting to you."

"Alice, you're annoying me." Sasori sighed.

I frowned. "Why are you being mean? I haven't even done anything. I just walk beside you and you start picking on me." I pouted. I could hear Kathryn and Deidara snickering from behind us.

Sasori extracted his arm from mine. "Stop being an idiot. I already have to travel with two of them. I don't need a third."

"I already have three." I commented with a smirk. He chuckled.

"Well played." He complimented.

I nodded. "Thank you sir."

I jumped when my phone sounded from my pocket. A second later, another noise erupted from the communication mechanism. I ripped it out of the confines of my pants and read the first message.

_I fucking hate you bitch. When you get home, I'm going to kick your fucking ass._

Laughing, I replied.

_I love you too Hidan._

Going to the second message I smirked as I opened it.

_I love you as well Alice, very much so. Be sure not to entice Sasori into killing you. I would much rather not destroy him._

I smiled and sent him a smiling face.

"What are you doing Alice?" Kathryn wondered.

I glanced back at her. "I'm messaging Hidan and Itachi. I told Hidan about the picture I taped to his ceiling. What he doesn't know is the second picture is on his shower curtain which he never really looks at. He doesn't even know the design on it."

Deidara shuddered. "Those pictures were totally scarring, un."

"I agree." Sasori agreed. "Utterly unnecessary."

"Whatevs, you both loved them." I scoffed.

Kathryn smiled and hugged Deidara. "I drew them as a gift. Do you not like my gift Dei?" She turned her smile into a pout.

Deidara melted slightly at her pout. "I appreciate the thought Kathryn, un. But I would rather you leave Danna out of any sexual pictures you draw, yeah."

"So Hidan would be a good substitute? Perhaps Kakuzu?" I wondered, smirking over my shoulder at him. "I've seen some pretty cute pictures of you and our favorite stitched miser."

"I hate you Alice, un." Deidara growled.

Sasori chuckled. "You're cruel."

"And you're a puppet." I reminded him. "Both of these things are known facts. Why announce them to a world that is not ignorant to them?" I smiled. "Though, our traveling buddies aren't exactly intelligent."

"You're a bitch Alice." Kathryn frowned. "A huge one."

"I know." I nodded. "I'm proud of it too. Hidan reminds me every day."

Kathryn pouted. "You don't have to prove him right."

I laughed. "Kathryn, I'm just teasing. I know how smart both of you are. Sasori and I just like to fuck with you."

Deidara rolled his eyes. "Obviously, un."

"We only do it because your reactions are amusing." Sasori informed him. "If you don't want us to pick on you, then stop reacting."

"Easier said than done Danna." Kathryn muttered.

I rolled my eyes. "Looks like it just the two of us Sasori."

"The torture…" He mock shuddered.

"I'm none too happy about it either asshole." I informed him. I looked down at my phone when it vibrated in my pants. "Ah! Vibration in my pants!"

"DIRTY!" Kathryn shouted, pointing at me.

Sasori and Deidara both looked deeply disturbed.

Laughing at the reactions, I opened the message.

_Whatever. Hurry your ass up with the mission. I'm fucking bored as shit._

"Hidan said for us to hurry up. He's bored." I sighed. I prepared to send a reply.

"Alice, un." Deidara called.

I looked back at Deidara when he called my name. "Yeah?"

"Tell Hidan to shut the fuck up un. We can't rush something as important as this, yeah." Deidara requested/ordered.

_Don't hold your breath Hidan. We're in the fucking hot ass desert right now. I HATE the heat so I am not a happy camper right now. Go and entertain yourself. Deidara said to shut the fuck up by the way. He called you a gay little pussy. Do me a favor and give Kisame the phone._

I sent that text before sending Kisame a picture of him and me making extremely disturbing faces at the camera. He had wide eyes and was sort of growling at it. I had narrowed eyes and a really disgusting expression on.

Jashin we are weird.

With the picture, I added: _I loves you Kisame! This picture is a symbol of our love._

Well once I was done sending Kisame the picture, I looked at Sasori. "Shall we go over stage one of the plan?"

He nodded. "Brats, catch up to us. We've got discussing to do."

Deidara and Kathryn nodded obediently and quickly made a four person line with us.

"Jashin damn it, if any more sand gets in my shoe, I'm going to have to kick some ass." I growled, hopping on one foot as I got rid of the sand that decided to invade my shoe when I stepped on a particularly large pile of it.

"Fighting inanimate objects?" Sasori sighed. "And I had hoped you had already hit rock bottom. I suppose I was wrong to assume you could sink no lower."

I glared. "You know what happens when you assume shit Sasori?"

He raised his eyebrow. "What?"

"You make an ass out of you and me." I snarled. "Besides, _you're_ an inanimate object. Stupid fucking puppet…"

Sasori glanced at Kathryn who walked between me and Deidara. "Are you aware of what caused this drastic mood swing?"

"The heat." Kathryn said pointing up at the sky. "Alice gets moody when she's in the heat. She hates it."

"You're damn right I do." I sighed. "I'd rather live in a block of ice the rest of my life than spend one more day in the Jashin-damned heat."

"That's a little extreme Alice, un." Deidara chuckled.

"You don't know me. You don't know what I've got." I stated.

Kathryn grinned, getting my reference. "She doesn't have anything to show you though."

I smiled. "Good work Kathryn."

We high fived.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Anyways, getting back to the plan…"

"Ah yes." I said with a small nod. "We infiltrate just like you guys did in the show. Before Deidara kills anyone important, he'll stop on the Kazekage tower with me and Kathryn. I will then attempt to persuade Gaara to allow you guys to extract the tailed beast without a fight."

"If that doesn't work, we fight him." Sasori stated.

I sighed. "Yeah. If that doesn't work we fight him. I'd rather not hurt Gaara, but there might not be another alternative."

"I hope we don't have to hurt Gaara." Kathryn pouted. "I like him a lot."

"Me too Kat, but I _love_ Sasori and Deidara a lot more." I stated. "Anyways, after we capture Gaara, Naruto and his posse will probably show up. If that happens, you two are not allowed to separate yourselves. You must fight them together if there is not chance to retreat. I know retreat isn't high on your list of favorite things to do, but Kathryn and I are going to be with you, and we'll probably be targeted."

"Not to mention I don't want you guys to fight. I don't want you to risk your lives." Kathryn stated.

"We just need you guys to fight long enough for me to signal the others." I recounted.

"If the mission is to go astray, try to keep to the plan." Sasori stated. "If it's not possible, remember the various scenarios Alice and I went over with you and pick the best alternative." He looked at me and Kathryn. "You two are to stick together if you cannot stay by us."

Kathryn looked at him. "And you two are to stay alive and unharmed." She squeezed Deidara's hand as she held it. A smile broke out on her face when his hand licked her.

"We will un." Deidara assured her. He kissed the side of her head.

The four of us traveled in a comfortable almost silence. Every now and then one of us would start up a small conversation, but nothing much. We mostly just traveled in silence through the way-too-hot-desert that I hated.

By the time night came, we had gotten far ahead of schedule. That might be contributed to the fact that Deidara and I pissed off Sasori and he chased us through the desert in an attempt to kill us. Since I have super stamina now, I was able to run with Deidara for a really great distance. Sasori had Kathryn as a burden which is why he didn't catch us in like 15 seconds.

How did we piss Sasori off you ask?

Well Deidara and I did like half of a list of "Ways to piss off Sasori".

They really do freaking work.

Did I mention that he also hates it when you poke his heart container? Well he does.

Deidara almost lost his hand after I had triple-dog-dared him to do it.

I meant serious business.

Anyways, since we were so far ahead of schedule, Sasori and I were willing to stop and make camp for the night. So we found a nice and cozy little cave type thing and bunkered down in that. It would protect us from any sand in the wind.

I sprawled out towards the entrance of the cave to keep Sasori company while Kathryn and Deidara cuddled in the back. He wasn't going to be sleeping since he's a puppet and all, so I decided that he would be my entertainment until I got tired.

I tucked my arms under the back of my head and turned my head to look at Sasori. He was sitting beside me, his back against the wall of the cave. The moonlight was shinning directly down on him and since we were basically at the mouth of the cave, the sand off in the distance was visible too.

His expression was calm, almost like he was thinking everything through. The moon reflected in his muddy brown eyes and it gave a sort of glow to his crimson hair. To be honest, Sasori looked really cool like that.

It was deep.

Like one of those deep, emotional paintings or portraits that you see on ads and in art shops and shit.

As life has it, Sasori noticed my gaze and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

I shook my head. "Just looking. As creepy as that sounds…"

He chuckled and patted my forehead. "You should get some rest Alice. You haven't slept much since we've left the base."

"Yeah." I sighed. I glanced towards Kathryn and Deidara who were close to sleep. "I don't think that's going to be very easy."

"Itachi?" He asked.

I nodded. "Partly."

He nodded and leaned back against the cave wall. "Deidara was the same way when you and Kathryn were taken by Orochimaru. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't even sit still."

I smiled and turned back to face Sasori. "I'm glad he feels that way about her. Kathryn is my best friend, other than you of course Sasori." He rolled his eyes. "So I couldn't be more pleased with her having Deidara as her boyfriend or whatever. I've never seen her so happy."

"I have never seen the Brat so happy either." Sasori agreed. "Not even when he's practicing his sad attempt at art." He smirked and looked down at me. "But then, I've also never seen Itachi as emotional as he has been. You two bring out a lot in all of the others."

"You're included in all of that, Sasori." I said with my own smirk. When he frowned at me I rolled my eyes. "It's a good thing Sasori. I love you guys. I don't know what I would do without you all to fill my life with problems; especially you and your excessive sarcasm."

He chuckled. "You love it."

"With all my heart." I assured him. He smirked for a moment before a silence fell over us. It wasn't uncomfortable though. It was kind of natural.

He broke it though.

"Alice, you should sleep." He told me. "At least try."

I didn't really want to sleep. I didn't want to have a night terror. However, I knew that I would be of more help if I was well rested and ready to go. I didn't want to possibly hold Sasori or Deidara back, especially in this delicate of a situation.

I nodded. "Alright. Night Sasori."

"Good night, Alice." Sasori told me, giving me the tiniest of smiles. I rolled over on my side, putting my back to him and the moon. I was out sooner than I thought.

* * *

_I know, no Gaara. I'm sorry. He won't be in the next one either. But he'll be here quite soon._

_As an apology for lack of the redheaded Kazekage, I'll update quickly because I feel bad. (not really)_

_Jashin I have a migraine..._

_**Fun Fact: **Alice wears only black sweatpants and other black pants similar to those. She hates jeans and she despises shorts. She likes to feel comfortable and she doesn't care about her appearance because she doesn't dress to impress. (Alice is essentially me. Notice, she has all of my weird habits and shit. Though, I made her smarter than me.)_

Answer: _Konan's fucking adorable. I'm about as straight as they come, but she reminds me of my friend Carrie and Carrie is the epitome of cute and sweet. Konan doesn't get enough screen time and I sorely wish she did because she would be the most badass female ninja in the whole show. Not to mention, she has the hottest gang of criminals to drool over.  
_

**QotC: **_What is your favorite thing about... Kisame? If you don't love my lovable fish, (tits or gtfo) tell me why you don't like him. I might fight you though. XD_

_Btw, we had a box of baby raccoons. They were on top of my neighbor's camper and when they moved said camper, the mommy raccoon booked it. So I put the babies in a box and set them near the tree I saw her run up. They were so cute. If the mom had been like hit by a car or something I'd have taken care of them. But, I'm glad they get to be with their mommy. :) My dog Dolly absolutely fell in love with them. She's so good with small things._

_Anyways, enough of my rambling. I'm sick, sue me._

_Good day dearies. Oh and THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE REVIEWS AND STUFF! Nearly 500? That's beyond awesome. Thanks so much. If you want something done, you ask for it and I will do my best to deliver! You all deserve gifts!_

_Now I really mean it. Good day._


	34. Chapter 34

_Here's chapter 34 my lovelies._

_Excuse any missed typos and errors. I'm still sick and I don't feel like looking through it.  
_

_Enjoy it. I still do not own Naruto._

* * *

I woke up, shaking violently and breathing heavily.

However, just after I noticed that, I noticed a more important fact.

I was in Sasori's lap. He had my body pinned to his own so I wouldn't thrash in my sleep and my head was tucked under his. He didn't say a word, even when I woke up. All he did was relax his iron grip on me slightly and rub my shoulder soothingly.

"Sorry." I whispered.

He felt him shake his head. "Don't worry about it."

I shivered again and closed my eyes. "How bad?"

"You split open your knuckles when they hit the cave floor while you were thrashing. I picked you up shortly after that to keep you still." He informed me calmly, his chin still resting on the top of my head. "I woke you with chakra before you got too loud."

I leaned into his embrace. Even though he wasn't Itachi, Sasori's contact was nice. It could never compare to Itachi's, but it was as close to Kisame's as I've ever felt. And other than my weasel, Kisame was the closest to me.

"Thanks Sasori." I sighed.

He nodded once, still not making any eye contact with me. He didn't need to. I think eye contact would have ruined the soothing mood he was conveying. "Yeah." He patted my shoulder. "Go back to sleep Alice. It'll be okay now."

I nodded tiredly. "Sorry." I murmured.

I didn't hear his reply, but I'm pretty sure he told me to shut up. I was too far gone.

Sasori shook my shoulder gently the next morning, waking me up. "Alice, we're going to be heading out soon. Help me wake up the brats."

I opened my eyes and looked at him. "Alright." I sat up from where I had fallen asleep the first time before getting to my feet. I stretched and cracked the joints and points in my body that needed to be cracked before I could really move. Once that was over, I joined Sasori.

He was currently kneeling beside the two love birds. He was shaking Deidara's shoulder. "Brat, get up. We're leaving soon."

Deidara cracked open his eyes. "Five more minutes Danna, un."

"If you make me wait even one more minute, I'm going to bring out some of my puppets." Sasori growled.

Deidara and Kathryn's eyes both snapped open at his threat and they both were on their feet seconds later. Sasori smirked in victory as he looked back around at me. I raised my eyebrow and smiled but didn't question his methods.

"Now that you little brats are up, eat something and then let's get a move on." Sasori stated. He glanced at me. "How are your knuckles?"

I raised my eyebrow and looked down at my hand to see it wrapped in bandages. "Uh? Fine? I can't feel them if that's what you're asking, but I can move my hand perfectly fine."

Sasori sighed and walked over to me. He took my hand in his and began unwrapping it. Kathryn and Deidara watched in confusion, wondering when in the hell I hurt my hand.

"What happened to your hand, un?" Deidara asked.

I glanced at him at the same time Sasori did. "I punched Sasori in the face for second basing me." I lied.

Kathryn's eyes widened. "DANNA YOU DIRTY OLD MAN!" Deidara made a disgusted face and put himself between Sasori and Kathryn like a barrier.

Sasori frowned and glared at me. "Why would you tell them that?"

I had to laugh. "Sorry Sasori. I couldn't resist."

"I did not touch her inappropriately brat, calm down." Sasori snapped. "She split her knuckles open last night when she had a night terror." He nudged a rather sharp looking rock sticking out of the floor of the cave with his foot. "On this."

I winced. "Ouch. How did I not wake up from that?"

Sasori shrugged around my hand and frowned as he inspected my wounds. "I cleaned them and then bandaged them up when you fell asleep the second time, but I had to give you more of the pain killing serum."

"So that is why I can't feel the rest of my body…" I mused. When he gave me a look I grinned. "Just kidding. It's just my hand."

"I know it is. I isolated it in your hand so you wouldn't be numb and loopy all day. I can't deal with you when you overdose." He shook his head. "I never want to relive that nightmare ever again."

Kathryn and Deidara snickered. "We thought it was funny." They said together.

I rolled my eyes. "So what's the damage Pinocchio?"

"You won't be using your hand very much for a bit." He told me. "I learned some medical Ninjutsu from Konan over time, and I can speed up the healing process. However, I can't do much. Hopefully I can heal it enough to where you can use it if you need to."

"Looks like you can't masturbate anymore Alice." Kathryn giggled.

I looked at her. "You caught me?"

She looked grossed out. "Ew no! Do you actually…?"

"Kathryn, are you aware of my opinion of such actions?" I questioned, frowning as I did so. Though, such things were considered natural I found it disgusting. I refuse to partake, but this is starting to get a little awkward so I'm moving on.

"Oh… Yeah I get it." She nodded.

I nodded. "Then don't accuse me of things like that, and learn sarcasm you brainless bimbo." I sighed and looked at Sasori. "So are we wrapping this fucker up?"

"Indeed." He nodded, giving me a strange look.

"Say one thing Sasori and I'll punch the shit out of your heart container." I growled.

He just chuckled and withdrew some bandages from his cloak. He wrapped them carefully around my knuckles and within a few moments, I was set and ready to go.

"Alright, un!" Deidara said excitedly. "Let's move out yeah!"

Kathryn giggled. "He's so cute when he's excited."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "This is what I have to deal with every day."

"It ain't that bad." I told him. "You should see her slap happy. It's worse than me on painkillers."

He shuddered. "Hopefully I never do."

"What's fun though is when we're both slap happy together." Kathryn added as she and Deidara followed after Sasori and I back out into the _early_ morning of the desert.

And so we continued on our way. I'm not going to ramble on about our travels, but I will give you a little overview.

Our trip consisted of Kathryn and me singing stupid songs for the enjoyment/annoyance of Deidara and Sasori. Sasori and I had at least fifteen sarcasm battles that got really, really mean. But they were fun so it was okay.

Deidara and I decided at the _same exact time_ that it would be fun to attack each other. So I tackled him as he tackled me, completely at random, and we wrestled and fought each other for like ten minutes. Sasori and Kathryn had to pry us apart and we were both put in time out on opposite sides of our traveling party.

Hey, it was fun.

Deidara, Sasori, and I had to chase Kathryn around for like fifteen minutes because she was bound and determined to find either a cactus or a camel since we were in the desert. Thankfully she ran in the right direction or I think Sasori would have killed her.

Kathryn and Deidara decided it would be fun to tackle me and Sasori while we were having a sarcasm battle whilst also going over the plan. Needless to say, Deidara and Kathryn were severely punished by us.

Kathryn and I had a sand war which was ended by Sasori throwing me over his shoulder while Deidara was forced to hold Kathryn. They carried us for like an hour because Sasori got mad when Kathryn hit him in the face with a big pile of sand that was aimed for me. The wind had caught it and it just blew straight into the face.

It was hilarious.

Anyways, once all those shenanigans were over, we finally reached Suna. Kathryn and I shared a fangirl moment of squealing and bouncing up and down whilst hugging. Sasori and Deidara were successfully creeped out. They both stared at us with frightened expressions on.

Totally worth it.

According to Sasori, we were a bit ahead of schedule, but that was a good thing. I was surprised because of all of the shit that we were doing on the trip. But hey, that's why he is in charge and I'm not.

Unfortunately, in order for us to infiltrate the village, we had to kill all of those guards and stuff but Sasori used his handy dandy helper Yura to do it for us. By this time, Sasori was already inside Hiruko which prompted me to make a bunch of jokes about it.

He tripped me with that damn tail of his.

Fucking asshole…

Whatever.

Once all of the defense ninja on the wall were dead and it was time for us to infiltrate the village, we met up with Yura. He jumped in front of us just as we about entered the thing. I looked over Sasori's hunched form at him curiously while Kathryn played with the bell on Deidara's hat.

I looked around the area, frowning when I saw the bodies covering the trench thingy. Yura also had some blood on his face.

"Dead bodies and splattered blood… Yummy…" I said, crossing my arms.

"Shut up Alice." Sasori grumbled. "Good work Yura. You remember me I presume."

Yura bowed like an idiot. "How could I forget Lord Sasori?"

I snorted and started snickering. "Lord Sasori. I bet you love that don't you?"

"Alice, don't make me kill you." Sasori sighed.

"Bring it puppet bitch." I whispered with a smirk.

"Of course he remembers." Deidara stated, bringing us back to the issue at hand. "It wouldn't be much of a jutsu if he didn't, hmm."

"They're still loyal servants after regaining their memory." Sasori grumbled in his gross Hiruko voice. Kathryn and I exchanged an eye roll but we both remained silent.

At some unspoken signal, Yura stood and motioned for us to follow him. I noticed he gave Kathryn and me a curious look especially when he noticed Kathryn holding Deidara's hand. Anywhozal, we followed him further into the trench of sandy awesomeness, skirting around the dead bodies which made Kathryn whimper quietly.

"This is delicious. I'm totally eating dinner in here." I muttered, stepping over one of the bodies Sasori walked over. I was walking behind him.

"That's disgusting Alice." Kathryn whispered. I rolled my eyes.

A few minutes of walking, we broke passed the trench thingy and entered the village. We stopped a decent distance in and Deidara's hand spit out a glob of clay that he quickly formed into a bird.

"Come here Alice, un." Deidara stated. He wrapped his arm around Kathryn's waist and did the same with me when I reached him before jumping onto the big ass awesome bird before him. Once he was on it, he turned to Sasori. "Wait here Danna; we'll do this quickly, yeah."

"Jashin I hope this fucking works…" I sighed. "Check ya later Sasori."

"Stick to the plan. And be careful." He growled.

Kathryn beamed at him. "Bye bye Danna!"

Sasori dipped his hat-covered head at us just seconds before Deidara smirked at him.

"What do you think of my art, Danna, un?" He asked.

"Don't keep me waiting Brat." Sasori stated.

Deidara chuckled and urged the bird into flight, lifting the three of us off the sand and into the sky.

* * *

_Gaara's coming. I'm still going to update on Friday. This one is early because I love you._

_**Fun Fact: **I'm running out of fun facts on my characters so I'll just start doing random ones. The scientific name for Wolf is _Canis Lupus_._

Answer: _Uh hello? How can someone not love Kisame? He's freaking awesome. He's a shark, he's sexy, his teeth are pointy, he's **blue**, he's Itachi's partner, he's tall, he's a swordsman, etc. There's no way to describe my love for Kisame. He's just insanely awesome. And, like always, I love freakishly tall guys. Nnoitra and Kenpachi **Zaraki** are other examples_

**QotC:**_ What is your favorite thing about Hidan? If you don't like the most lovable Jashinist, tell me (why you aren't in an asylum yet.) why you don't like him._

_I'm so tired. I don't have anything nice to talk to you about._

_Oh, Kathryn smacked me in the head today for no reason and I about snapped and killed her. Hoot had to hold me back from punching her in the mouth. I do not like being hit in the face. She knows this, which is why she did it. She just didn't think i would react so violently. It just proves she's an idiot._

_But, I have to love her. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thanks for the reviews and whatnot. I appreciate it._

_Have a nice life my dearies._

_Ciao._


	35. Chapter 35

_I'd like you all to welcome Gaara._

_And to accept my love for all of your reviews and whatnot._

_Thank you. :)_

_Enjoy the chapter. And still, I don't own Naruto._

* * *

We flew around for a bit as Deidara searched for guards with his little scope of badassery. He huffed after a long pause of silence.

"What is it Dei?" Kathryn wondered, lifting her head off his shoulder to look at him.

"They only have three guards watching the sky. How disappointing, un." Deidara sighed.

"This is more like the show than I'd like to admit." I stated. "Hopefully we can change that once we meet up with Gaara."

Deidara nodded, but I knew he only partially heard me. He was in the zone. "You can't help but appreciate the architecture of this village. It's so… artistic, un."

"Just another reason why it's truly worth destroying." I said with him. He added his un but hey, I don't have a verbal tick.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "How did you know I was going to say that, yeah?"

"Deidara, I know you." I told him. "And I know your art. It's not hard to figure out."

He was quiet for a moment before shrugging.

"Dei, this is kind of romantic." Kathryn cooed. "You and me flying on a pretty birdy in the sunset over a pretty village." She nuzzled him. "It's kind of sexy."

"I'm a third wheel." I sighed. "Keep your pants on Kathryn; we have a job to do."

She kissed Deidara as he rummaged in a small bag of his. "Whatever Alice."

Deidara was grinning like a child as he withdrew his clay spiders from the bag. We soared to the left as he did so. "Time for a little covert action un."

Deidara waited for the quickly disappearing sun to finally go down before releasing his spiders. As they fell, he did a hand sign and they came to life. He chuckled as they landed near their targets and watched carefully.

He was quiet for a time before he frowned slightly. "They're not weird they're perfect un." He growled. Kathryn giggled about how cute he was as she hugged him lovingly.

He was focused though. "Look at those fools Kathryn, un. They have no appreciation for art. You have to feel art. Don't you babe, yeah?"

"Oh boy, here it comes." I sighed. Kathryn just grinned brightly.

"True art, is an explosion un!" Deidara barked. He made the hand sign and the clay spiders exploded.

"I love seeing peoples' faces explode." I stated.

Deidara was grinning happily. "Perfect, un."

After taking out the guards, Deidara decided he wanted to celebrate his victory by making out with Kathryn.

Yeah, idiot.

So, we flew around for a bit so Deidara could get off his explosion high.

"Deidara, now is the time." I informed him, nudging his side. He nodded and wrapped his arms around me and Kathryn securely before urging his bird into a steep descent.

Once it was a good distance away, he jumped off it with Kathryn and I safely in his grasp. He landed carefully a second before setting us down.

"Thanks Dei." Kathryn said, kissing him.

He smirked and kissed her back. "You're welcome babe, un."

I rolled my eyes. "Alright you two, focus please." I looked around. "Infiltration successful. But, we still need to be cautious."

Kathryn's eyes widened at something over my shoulder and I sighed as I turned around, knowing that it was Gaara.

I stared at him for a minute before I lost control and darted over to him. I hugged him. "Awe he's so freaking adorable! Look at him!"

Deidara raised his eyebrow at me while Kathryn giggled madly.

Gaara looked utterly shocked. He looked at me as I pet him and nuzzled his face. "What are you doing?"

I squealed. "He's so cute and sexy at the same time! That voice is epic!" I smiled at him. "Hi Gaara, I'm Alice and it is a great pleasure to meet you."

"I'm Kathryn!" Kathryn said sweetly, waving at him. "Hi Gaara."

"What are you doing?" He repeated.

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm giving you affection. You're freaking adorable. How could I not?" I paused slightly. "I don't know why your sand shield isn't eating my face right now, but it's worth the risk because you're so cute."

Deidara frowned at me. "Alice, you can attack the Kazekage later. We have stuff to do right now. Restrain your inner fangirl and come back over here, un."

I sighed and released Gaara. "My bad Gaara, I couldn't help it. You're so cute."

"I'm afraid that this is as far as you go." He grumbled.

"Ooo." Deidara said. I half expected him to say "tough guy" but he didn't."

I started laughing. "I fucking hate you Deidara. You just took the seriousness out of this situation."

"Because you hugging him didn't, un." He said with an eye roll.

I stopped laughing. "Good point." Straightening up and looking at Gaara with a finally serious expression I sighed. "Look Gaara we have a reason for being here. It's not exactly a peaceful one, but it can be if you hear us out. I know you're not a monster and I know you actually care about others so just listen to what I have to say okay?"

"Why should I trust you?" Gaara asked. "You're with the Akatsuki."

"While this is true, I'm also a good friend of Kakashi, Sakura, and the rest of the Konoha people." I stated. "Plus, I really do like you so I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

Gaara frowned. "You know the Konoha Shinobi?"

"Very well in fact." I confirmed. "I also know everything about you as well."

His eyes narrowed. "How?"

"I come from a land very different from here." I told him. "Kathryn also comes from the same place. The place we lived was called Ohio. In our land, people have an ability known as Ukato which allows the user to know everything about someone. I now have access to every single thought or memory you've ever had." I sighed. "Kathryn has the same ability as I do, but hers isn't nearly as advanced as my own."

"Prove it." He stated.

"Your hobbies include battle and cultivating cacti." I smirked. "The second bit is a little strange but hey, it's alright. You have two elder siblings named Kankuro and Temari, the latter being the eldest. Your father was the previous Kazekage. He was killed by Orochimaru and your mother was Karura." I smiled when he started looking shocked. "Need I continue?"

He just stared at me.

"Look Gaara, we didn't come here to talk about my strange abilities, we came here to talk about you." I stated. "I'm really sorry about putting you in this position, really I am, but you're going to have to make a decision."

"What decision?" He asked.

"I feel like a bitch for doing this." I sighed. "I'm going to give you two options and you have to pick one of them. I'll give you reasons why you should pick one and not the other as well. Hopefully you pick the right one."

"Tell me." He said calmly.

"Choice number one: you come with us peacefully and allow us to extract the thing inside of you which has led to you being discriminated against and hated by a lot of people. No harm will come to anyone if you go with this choice. We also have a way to make sure you survive the extraction, but it's going to need the help old Lady Chiyo." I held up a second finger. "Choice number two: You refuse offer number one. He fights you and defeats you and the village suffers extreme damage from his art." I jerked my thumb towards Deidara.

I know that Gaara saves the village from Deidara's attack, but I wanted him to come with us peacefully so I lied a bit. Sue me!

"Problem with choice number one is that Lady Chiyo might refuse to revive you and you will die. Choice number two is just all kinds of problem. You die, your village suffers, and there's no possible way for you to be revived." I added.

"How do you intend to convince Elder Chiyo to help me?" Gaara asked.

"By allowing the pieces to fall where they may." I informed him. That meant that we were going to fake fighting Gaara and kidnapping him. That way basically everything would happen like the show/manga.  
He raised his not-so-visible eyebrows. "And what if I defeat him rather than him defeating me?"

"Trust me bud, you're no match for him." I assured Gaara. "Deidara is a lot more powerful than he looks."

Kathryn smirked. "And he looks pretty good."

Deidara rolled his eyes but smiled.

I rolled my eyes and continued. "Not to mention, I know the future. I have already seen this fight play out which is why I want to change it for the better. Trust me Gaara."

"And who are you two to the Akatsuki?" Gaara asked.

"We're just members of the family." I stated, smiling. "Gaara, I'm sorry for putting you in this situation, but I don't really have a choice. They were just going to charge in and take you by force, but I persuaded them to let me try and do this peacefully."

"I cannot just give in to the Akatsuki so easily." Gaara told me.

I nodded. "I understand that. Which is why you and Deidara will feign a fight, we'll pretend to kidnap you, and after some shit happens, you'll return to a village that loves and respects you twice as much as you would expect them to."

"Why are you willing to extract the beast?" Gaara wondered. "Why do you want it?"

I winced. "I can't tell you that. I'm just following orders." I sighed. "So Gaara, what do you say? I don't want anything bad to happen to you, so please consider this before you choose."

"How can you care for me? You've known me for less than an hour." Gaara stated.

"I care for you because I know you better than you know yourself. With my ability, I see things that you've both forgotten about and things that have yet to happen to you. I know your personality and I know you actually have a heart of gold despite what some others think about you." I explained. "Not to mention you're adorable as hell."

"He _is_ really cute." Kathryn added to herself.

Deidara rolled his eyes and Gaara raised a confused eyebrow.

"What are you going with Gaara?" I asked.

He was quiet for a long time with his eyes closed before he sighed and looked at me, opening his pretty green eyes. "I'll go with you. I want nothing to befall my village."

I smiled brightly. "Good choice Gaara." I saw Deidara look slightly shocked.

He smiled slightly in response to my own. "What must I do?"

"One second." I said. "Dei, come here please." He nodded and walked over to me.

He cocked his head in question at me. "What's up Alice, un?"

"I want you to introduce yourself to Gaara. He is the one you're going to be faking a fight with." I said, looking at Gaara and gesturing to Deidara. "Deidara, this is Gaara. Gaara, this is Deidara."

Deidara dipped his head silently at Gaara who did the same.

"Alright Gaara, during the fight you and Deidara are going to be faking, keep an eye on the village. Deidara fights with bombs, so you need to make sure nothing will fall on the village just in case. He'll try to prevent that from happening, but seeing as he's a bomber, it has to be believable."

"I understand." Gaara nodded.

"Obviously watch him." I added. "But make sure you save your energy for possibly covering the village. His last attack which will be his most powerful will probably cause a lot of damage so save your energy for that."

"You seemed to have planned this out." Gaara stated.

"Me and a few others planned this out for just about every situation." I said with a shrug. "Unfortunately, for the extraction, you need to be unconscious I think, so you'll be out while we travel. I give you my word that nothing will happen to you or the village during that time. If anything should, I'll personally kill whoever tries it."

Deidara and I finished briefing Gaara on all the necessary details quickly and finally it was time to rock. Dei and I didn't tell him everything just in case, but we told him just enough to satisfy him.

"Alright, before we fight, I got to take Alice and Kathryn to Danna, un." Deidara told Gaara. His bird from before swooped back to us and he jumped on it with me and Kathryn. "I'll meet you above the village, yeah."

Gaara nodded as Deidara took off. We sped over the city until we reached Sasori. Deidara more or less pushed us off the bird once it landed and just as quickly soared back into the air to fight Gaara.

We had to make it look convincing.

Sasori looked at me. "How did it go?"

"We're going with plan C." I informed him.

"Excellent. Good work Alice." Sasori nodded. "This is the preferred course of action."

I smiled. "Thanks Sasori. Though, it's all thanks to Gaara. He's just too sweet."

And so the fight began. I watched, with moderate interest, beside Kathryn and Sasori as Deidara and Gaara basically preformed their fight exactly like the anime. To someone who knew it as well as I did, I could tell it was strained and played, but to anyone else, there was a fight to the death going on.

Around the time where Deidara would have lost his arm, Kathryn started to get a little anxious. She was fidgeting like mad and I seriously think Sasori wanted to kill her because she was standing beside him and he had to deal with it all.

"Kat." I said calmly, looking at her. "Calm down okay? Deidara is going to be just fine."

She sighed and nodded. "Sorry."

Sasori shook his head. "They're just faking a fight, Kathryn."

"Yes but the javelin launcher things don't know that." I swore, my eyes widening as Deidara just managed to dodge the big ass arrow aiming for his bird. "Shit. Deidara you need to hurry your ass up and do your last attack."

Kathryn yelped. "Dei!"

I hurried around Sasori to pull her into a hug. "It'll be okay. Keep calm though." I looked around for something shiny before I found something. Using the fire and moon as my light, I reflected it on Kathryn's necklace and caught Deidara's attention with it.

Obviously he caught on because he withdrew that big ass bomb. He alerted Gaara by showing it off above his head. Deidara dropped the bomb and with his loud powerful voice, blew that thing to hell, giving Gaara enough time to block the village with his sand.

"KATSU!" Deidara shouted. We could hear him from where we were.

Kathryn breathed a sigh of relief as Gaara began moving the huge sand shield away from the village. "He's so sexy when he blows shit up."

I laughed, but my attention was focused on Gaara's current predicament of moving that huge fucking _beach_ away from Suna. Once he did it, he and Deidara apparently exchanged some words that no one but them could hear because Deidara allowed a faux clay bomb to explode around Gaara.

Gaara took this as his opportunity to fake being knocked out because he fell off his sand and plummeted towards the village. Deidara caught him with the owl's tail skillfully and quickly returned to us.

The blond bomber jumped off the bird when he reached us and was instantly glomped by Kathryn. He chuckled as she attacked him with affection and relief. I went to where Gaara was being held. I could hear Sasori yelling at Deidara for making him wait.

"Are you alright Gaara?" I asked. I noticed he was looking at the two Akatsuki members with curiosity. "Ignore them please; Sasori is just pissy because he's impatient."

"I heard that Alice." Sasori snarled. I smiled and rolled my eyes.

He nodded with a slight smile on his lips at my added comment. "I am."

"Alright buddy. My friend Sasori is going to put you to sleep. Get some rest for a bit okay? When you wake up, we'll be gone and you'll be surrounded by your closest friends." I told him with a smile. "Don't worry okay?" I whispered my side plan to him quietly so no one else would hear it.

It was for him to leave a trail for Kankuro to find.

He blinked at me. "I trust you, Alice."

I smiled brighter. "Thanks Gaara." I looked to Sasori. "Make sure he doesn't feel anything Sasori."

Sasori bobbed his head and quickly knocked Gaara out. "We should get moving. We'll have pursuers."

"Yeah." I nodded. Deidara helped Kathryn and I onto the bird to be sure that we didn't leave any tracks as we quickly took off, leaving Suna behind us.

* * *

_Gaara's a sweetheart. That's how I imagine him._

_He's not up to Kisame's standards, but no one can reach those._

_**Fun Fact:** Kathryn despises the color orange. Her favorite colors are gray and purple._

Answer: _Hidan is just amazing. I love him to death for everything he is. And Jashin is just a win in my opinion._

**QotC:** _What is your favorite things about Itachi? If you don't like Itachi, (why the hell are you reading this story?) tell me why you don't like him._

_So it's officially my first day of summer break. I might be posting more, or less, depending on job/activities. I drove around the town that I live in, with Caramelldansen blaring from my car. My friend Alex, who had been walking down the street, stopped and danced to it. It was awesome._

_Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter._

_Have a nice day/night. Check ya later.  
_


	36. Chapter 36

_36. I haven't slept in my bed for three days. My uncle is in town and he sleeps in my room when he comes over._

_Anyways, enjoy this chapter._

_I do not own Naruto.  
_

_My brother is playing Pokemon beside me. It's distracting._

* * *

"We've got a visitor." I stated, looking at the land behind us. Kankuro was quickly catching up to us. "He survived your trap, as he should have." I looked down at Sasori.

Deidara and Sasori paused and looked at each other.

"Hold it right there." Kankuro growled, finally reaching us.

Both men turned slowly to look back at Kankuro, neither surprised by the fact that he was here nor impressed by who he was. They knew all of this too well.

"We meet at last." Kankuro continued. He looked towards the bird that held me, Kathryn, and Gaara. "Hand over Gaara now!"

Deidara scoffed and Sasori turned around fully to face him.

If I had popcorn, I would so be eating it right now.

"Brat, you go on ahead with Alice and Kathryn." Sasori grumbled.

Kathryn snickered when he launched his puppet body forward to put himself directly in front of a really shocked Kankuro. "He looks so goofy when he does that."

I smiled at her and Deidara stifled a snicker.

My smile only increased when Kankuro got ready to attack Sasori by withdrawing his puppet scrolls. "Here comes a cheesy line."

"Are you guys ready… for a puppet show?" Kankuro asked.

"See? I told you." I added gesturing to the painted man. Deidara chuckled while Kathryn giggled. Sasori just gave me a look over his shoulder.

Kankuro then proceeded to summon his three puppet team. I had to giggle at how lame he sounded announcing their names like that. Deidara and Sasori just watched calmly.

Kathryn shuddered when the puppets started making that strange noise. "I'm so glad Danna doesn't make that noise."

I snorted and Deidara laughed. Sasori frowned. "Shut up brat."

"Sorry Danna." Kathryn giggled.

"I'll say it again!" Kankuro snapped, gaining our attention once more. "Hand over Gaara now!"

"The puppet master jutsu eh?" Sasori said appreciatively. Though I think I'm the only one who caught the sarcasm in his voice. "Alice, can I kill this one?"

I sighed. "Situation number four, plan R Sasori." A.K.A: Don't kill him, just poison the shit out of him and leave him to die.

He nodded once. "Got it."

Deidara chuckled and jumped onto the bird with Kathryn and I. "I'm going on ahead with Kathryn and Alice, Danna. Enjoy the show, un." He urged the bird into a faster pace and began flying away with us and Gaara.

"Think again!" Kankuro yelled, shooting one of his puppets at us.

I motioned with my hand just an instant before Sasori caught the puppet with his tail. I smirked knowingly and Kathryn and I exchanged a high five while Deidara chuckled.

"What?" Kankuro asked in disbelief.

Sasori sighed and removed his hat. "I don't like to wait, or keep others waiting. So I'll make this short and sweet."

"Would you look at those goofy little ponytails?" I laughed, pointing at Sasori's outer puppet. "You're so unmanly!"

"Be quiet Alice." Sasori snapped. I nodded and apologized, calming myself down.

Kankuro frowned. "You moved as fast as Crow. I'm impressed."

"The spider must be as fast as the fly." Sasori commented.

Deidara smirked. "I remember now. Alice said something about the host having a couple of siblings un." He looked at me. "Right Alice yeah?"

"Correct." I nodded. "He is the puppet master. That's the one I was telling Sasori about after we captured Gaara."

"Your name is Kantaro right? Or Kenpachi or something, un?" Deidara asked.

Kankuro isn't nearly up to Kenpachi's standards.

That's just an insult to the 11th squad Captain's awesomeness.

Though I did like Kankuro, he just wasn't _Kenpachi_.

"It's Kankuro!" Kankuro snapped. He jerked his hands or whatever and Crow disassembled itself to get free of Sasori's tail before reassembling and rushing towards us.

I rolled my eyes. "You didn't have to make him mad Dei." I made a bitch slapping motion just as Sasori's tail bitch slapped Crow.

"Forget about them." Sasori snarled. "I'm your opponent." He glanced at us. "Brat, quit gawking and get out of here. You're in the way."

"Fine!" Deidara sighed. "I'll leave you to it then Danna, un." And with that we started flying away again.

"Where are you going?" Kankuro demanded. However, Sasori struck with his tail, gaining the amateur puppet master's attention once again.

"Didn't you hear me?" Sasori barked. "I'm your opponent."

The rest of the battle probably went as the episode did. I don't know because Kathryn, Deidara, Gaara, and I were quickly out of earshot and soon out of sight.

We traveled for a time until the sand started to pick up drastically. Finding us some shelter, Deidara landed beside a little rock formation and we sat there, waiting for our puppet to join us once more.

Deidara and I were playing rock paper scissors when Kathryn suddenly released Deidara, jumped up and sprinted out of our little cave.

"Danna!" She said happily, running towards Sasori's approaching lump.

"You're late Danna, un. What gives?" Deidara asked. "I thought you didn't like to keep others waiting, yeah."

"I don't." Sasori stated, allowing Kathryn to hug his cloaked lump. "But time flies when you're having fun."

"What the heck does that mean, un?" Deidara asked, looking annoyed.

"Don't get so touchy brat. We've got the Kazekage." Sasori sighed. "Once this is over, we can go home."

Kathryn giggled. "You're so awesome Danna." She nuzzled his cloak. "I'd give you a proper hug and a kiss but Hiruko kind of grosses me out."

Deidara and I laughed while Sasori just rolled his eyes. "Let's hurry to the base. I don't like to keep others waiting."

"Yeah, we know Sasori." I sighed. "Alright bitches! Let's get this show on the road!"

Yeah, traveling through the desert with nothing to do but travel gets really annoying.

And boring.

Sooo boring.

"Sasori, I want you to know that you look so goofy walking around in Hiruko." I informed him. "Like super goofy."

"Shut up Alice." He snapped.

I shrugged and skipped over to Deidara and Kathryn who were holding hands. "So since Sasori's being a sourpuss, who wants to entertain Alice?"

Kathryn grinned. "What do you want to do Alice?"

"Let's see…" I mused. "What can we do?"

"Wanna call Hidan and fuck with him?" Kathryn wondered.

I laughed. "Yes!"

I knew that Hidan had the phone right now, being the most tech savvy of the Akatsuki. Kakuzu and Hidan were closest to us too so they were the best option. They were the ones I was going to be signaling when the time was right to carry out the last stage of our plan.

Anyways, I withdrew my cell phone and dialed Kathryn's number. She walked beside me and waited for Hidan to pick up.

"_Is there a reason you're calling us?_" Kakuzu's deep voice asked.

"Yeah!" I told him. "We're bored. Where's Hidan?"

I heard Kakuzu sigh on the other line. "_Hold on a moment._" I heard him grunt for Hidan to hurry his ass up. "_How is the mission going?_"

"It's good. We got Gaara and no one got hurt." I told him. "You'll be hearing from Pein soon once we reach the base."

I could imagine him nodding. "_Good. Here is Hidan._"

"Bye Kakuzu! Love you!" Kathryn and I said together. I heard him sigh again before we were greeted by a very obnoxious and yet awesome voice.

"_Sup fuckers? What the fuck do you want?_" Hidan demanded.

"Hi Hidan!" Kathryn cheered. "How are you?"

Hidan's normal expression of a scowl could clearly be heard in his voice. "_Fucking shitty. Kakuzu is being a stingy bitch. And I'm bored as shit. What about you, you skinny slut?_"

"I'm good." Kathryn giggled. "Traveling with Dei, Alice, and Danna is fun. But we miss you guys a lot. I can't wait to get home."

"Don't respond to that name Kathryn, un." Deidara sighed. "Stop insulting her, Hidan you asshole. Or I'll kick your ass, un."

"_Oi! Fuck you Deidara!_" Hidan snapped. "_Hurry your ass up with the mission._"

Sasori sighed. "I feel bad for Kakuzu."

"_I heard that you puppet fucker!_" Hidan yelled.

"Calm down Hidan." I sighed. "And he probably loves it Sasori. I'm sure Hidan is louder when Kakuzu is fucking the shit out of him."

Kathryn snorted as did Deidara. I heard Sasori cough, covering up a laugh.

"_Oh you little fucking bitch! Wait until I fucking see you! I'm going to kick your crazy ass!_" Hidan shouted.

Deidara leaned over and pressed the end call button. "I have a feeling his insults are about to get a lot worse, un. It's best if we let him vent, yeah."

"Save the battery on that thing Alice." Sasori grumbled. "It has to last three days if this place cannot charge it."

"That's what Kathryn is for." I told him. "But you're right."

And so we continued on with the boring trip.

Kathryn, who was not used to the lack of sleep, started to lag behind after a long while. So, as a result, Deidara carried her in a piggy back as she slept soundly. Sasori and I, meanwhile, lessened the boredom by chatting with Deidara about the upcoming battle and some other topics.

My mind was elsewhere though.

I _really_ wanted my weasel.

I hated being away from Itachi. I couldn't wait to get back to him and give him the love and attention he deserves. I might rape him too. I needed some weasel lovin'.

I mean, he was just so beautiful. I had a shirtless picture of him on my phone, and I was constantly staring at it over the course of the trip. However, since I needed to save battery, I had to quit. Thankfully my iPod had pictures of him on there too.

I drooled a lot.

Sasori made fun of me for it.

Asshole…

I got over it though.

Because I needed Itachi.

A Kisame hug would me much appreciated too.

"At last!" Deidara said with a sigh. "We're here un!"

"Let's go." Sasori stated.

I eeped suddenly when Sasori wrapped his tail around me before he and Deidara jumped down from the steep ass cliff we were on. Kathryn was still sleeping away on Dei's back so she was completely fine.

"Sasori, don't put me in the water. I can't pretend to be Jesus like you guys can." I told him. "It would be awesome, but I can't."

He chuckled. "Don't worry Alice, we'll be on land in a moment."

"Don't poison me either." I barked.

Deidara snickered and walked alongside Sasori to the huge boulder before us. He made a hand sign and the paper seal started to glow red before the giant rock started moving.

"This is like Patrick Star's house on steroids." I muttered as Sasori carried me into the massive cave.

"Is he from that sponge show we watched in your world, un?" Deidara asked. "The idiot star, yeah?"

"That's the one Dei." I nodded. "Good boy." I smirked when Sasori put me down on land and looked towards the shiny hologram thing I saw. "PEIN!" I threw my hands into the air to emphasis my excitement at seeing our wonderful ginger leader.

"You're late." Pein said.

I pointed at Sasori, who pointed at Deidara with his tail, who pointed at me. "It was their fault." Deidara added a un but the effect was the same.

Pein rolled his eyes and sighed. "We must get ready at once."

"Everything went according to plan." Deidara said. "We just ran into some difficulties on the way here, un." He had his owl release Gaara before it disappeared.

"Dei, give me Kathryn." I stated. "That way I can get out of Pein's way so he can summon that creepy statue."

Pein chuckled and waited for me to take a napping Kathryn from Deidara. I carried her a safe distance away and set her down, placing her head on my lap so she could use me as a pillow.

"Alright my fearless leader!" I called. "We're good!"

His hologram thing did a few hand signs before he grunted and slammed his hand into the ground. A huge poof/explosion/earth moving sounded behind him and the giant, creepy ass statue appeared in all its strange glory.

"That thing is so weird…" I muttered.

Pein rolled his eyes at me. "Now, let everyone gather."

I watched the hands of the beast as all of the other members arrived in their holographic forms. Deidara and Sasori jumped to their respective fingers just as the others arrived.

"Alright. Shall we begin?" Pein wondered.

"Hi guys!" I said loudly, waving to the others.

I received a bunch of greetings in return. I grinned with victory as Pein disappeared and went to his thumb. He made a hand sign and the chain on the mouth of the statue broke. Soon, the sealing process would begin.

"It will now take three days and nights. Stay aware of your physical selves." Pein stated. "Zetsu, have your physical body stand guard outside. Use the one with the greatest range. Understood?"

"**I know.**" Zetsu's form growled.

"Gosh they're so in character right now." I snickered to myself.

"Only three days?" Kisame asked. "Isn't it possible that it might take longer than that since we don't have Orochimaru with us?" His voice is so amazing after not hearing it for such a long time. I need to hug him.

"All the more reason to get started at once." Pein informed him.

"That's true." Said the sexiest man ever. I fought back a whimper of desire to attack him with love and affection.

"Indeed." Kisame agreed.

"Sounds good to me, un." Deidara added.

I smiled. "It only takes you guys three days and nights. Orochimaru doesn't affect it." I informed them.

Kisame turned slightly to look at me. "Good thing." I grinned at him until he turned back around to focus his chakra on the sealing jutsu.

Their fingers lit up accordingly and the blue gloop started to come out of the mouth of the beast statue. "Sealing Technique: Illusionary Dragon Nine Consuming Seals!"

"Oh that is so badass." I snickered as the nine gloop dragons soared over to Gaara and ate him. Well, I might as well get some sleep in. I've got three days of just sitting here.

* * *

_How boring do you think that would be to sit there and do pretty much nothing for three days?_

_I think it'd be pretty shitty._

_**Fun Fact:** Alice's older brother is named Jake. He's an extremely muscular ginger._

Answer: _Uh... should I even answer this? I mean hello? Itachi is like my Kenpachi of Naruto. That's how much I love him. There isn't a damn thing that I dislike about him. If he was real, I'd rape him to no end. Yeah, that extreme._

**QotC:** _If you could have a single element affinity for your jutsu, which would it be and why? Fire, water, wind, lightning, earth._

_As always, I'll answer next chapter._

_Since I don't have anything nifty to talk about, I'll just end my ranting author's note here._

_So good day to you lovelies, and thank you all for the reviews and whatnot. I love you. :) (No homo)  
_


	37. Chapter 37

_First off, X-Men First Class was an amazing movie. I saw it at midnight with my brother an a few friends._

_Night Crawler's dad was _epic_. And Professor X's accent in the movie made me a pleased banana but his sideburns were upsetting.  
_

_Anyways, here is the next installment to this (potentially long ass) story.  
_

_Enjoy the chapter. I don't own Naruto but I do own two toy cars in the shape of sharks. (Don't ask)_

* * *

"I can totally do a hand stand longer than you can." Kathryn scoffed, her hands on her hips. "I'm more flexible than you are."

"Flexibility isn't the issue here you moron. You have less balance than a piece of paper." I rolled my eyes. "Let's do one to prove it."

"Fine." She agreed defiantly.

"Bring it bitch." I smirked, preparing myself.

She clicked her tongue. "Oh honey it has already been brought in and thrown on the kitchen table."

"Yeah, after I punted it through the front door." I remarked.

"What in the fuck are they talking about?" Hidan asked, looking over his shoulder at us. "They were just fucking dancing together like twenty minutes ago, and now they're fucking fighting."

Sasori sighed. "I don't even bother trying to find out. Just ignore them and focus."

"It's kinda hard to do that when they're fighting and shit." Hidan growled.

I glared up at them. "You just stand up there on your finger and shut the hell up. This is serious business."

"See?" Sasori stated. "That's what happens when you try and figure it out."

"I'll kill you Sasori." I barked.

"Alice." Pein sighed. "Please try not to distract them."

I saluted. "Got it Boss."

Kisame snickered. "You're always so feisty Alice."

"I freaking love you Kisame. You're getting a hug ASAP." I informed him. He chuckled but said no more as Pein cleared his throat to remind him to focus.

"Alright Alice, let's do this." Kathryn grinned, rubbing her hands together in preparation.

I nodded and performed a handstand just as she did one.

And I _totally _won.

Kathryn has shitty balance and she's still a huge ass klutz.

Not that I'm much better. I still trip over air.

But I do have good balance when I focus.

"**Our location has been discovered.** The enemy approaches." Zetsu stated.

"Which enemy is that, un?" Deidara asked.

"A very skilled and dangerous one. His name is Might Gai." Zetsu informed.

I nodded and looked at Kat. "Shit's about do go down."

"Might Gai." Pein mused. "Who is he?" He looked down at me. I however, pointed at Itachi who spoke the instant I pointed at him.

"An elite Shinobi. A master of Taijutsu." Itachi stated. "Don't underestimate him."

Kisame sneered. "Ah! That strange beast again!"

"Gai is so creepy." I laughed. I heard Kisame snicker.

It was quiet for a moment before Pein broke the silence. "We'll use that jutsu." He looked at me. "Who do we send out, Alice?"

"You send out Kisame." I stated. "He has the largest amount of chakra and he has a little bit of a vendetta with the green beast."

Kisame snickered. "You're well informed Alice."

"Of course I am." I smiled. "You're my most favorite shark. Oh and by the way, he's not going to remember your name. Don't get too mad because he never really does. He's too big of an idiot to remember someone of your awesomeness."

"Very well Kisame." Pein agreed before Kisame could comment.

"Excellent." Kisame grinned.

"But I'll still require at least 30% of your chakra here." Pein added.

Kisame's grin only widened. "Finally. I've been waiting to pay him back for that kick he gave me." And then his voice faded off.

I snickered. "He's going to be so annoyed at Gai."

Kathryn giggled. "Silly Kisame."

"More intruders." Zetsu added after a time.

"You didn't cover your tracks very well did you Deidara?" Pein asked.

Deidara gave him a sheepish smile.

"You're a bumbler and a fool brat." Sasori growled. "Your methods are too crude for any sort of secret operation."

"Crude, hmm?" Deidara scoffed. "Those clumsy traps of yours were hardly subtle Danna, un!" I sighed and smacked my forehead.

"Why you-." Sasori snarled.

Pein interrupted him. "Stop bickering amongst yourselves. Focus on the jutsu." Pein looked in my direction. "Alice?"

I sighed. "Itachi goes."

"A leaf Shinobi should go." Zetsu agreed. "**So Alice is right.**"

"Very well." Pein confirmed. "It's decided then."

I frowned. "You know, if you want a distraction, you should send me out there. You guys know how much I fucking talk."

"She has a point you know." Kakuzu mused.

"No." Itachi stated instantly. His eyes narrowed and his voice firm.

I rolled my eyes. "Enough you. I'm sick of sitting here. None of those ninja will hurt me. Besides, all it takes is a little help from Tobi to get me to and from." I crossed my arms. "I can stall them as long as you need me to."

"Itachi…" Pein stated. He knew I had a point.

Itachi sighed. "Fine. But only if I go as well."

"Works for me." I stated. "I get to see a version of my weasel." I glanced at Pein. "Tobi?"

A swirling from behind caught my attention and Tobi instantly jumped on my back. "Alice-chan! Tobi missed Alice-chan!"

I smiled. "Hey ya Tobi." I gave him a hug when he released me. "Wanna help me out buddy?"

"Tobi will help Alice because Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi cheered.

"You're the best boy Tobi." I assured him. "Now, take me to where Itachi's clone thing is. Just like I talked to you about a while ago. Remember?"

"You planned this?" Konan asked.

"Alice planned everything." Pein informed her.

I shrugged. "I like to be prepared."

"Tobi remembers!" Tobi stated. He hugged me again and I was being whisked away by the masked man.

Tobi and I appeared inside the forest a moment later and he released me.

"Be careful kid, and listen to Itachi. I'll hide and wait for the right time to take you back." Madara told me.

"Thanks Madara." I smiled. "I appreciate it."

He nodded at me and disappeared again.

"Alice." Itachi's voice called.

I smiled happily and ran to him. "This isn't the same but it'll do for now." I sighed as I hugged him. "I'm not kissing this body though."

He smiled slightly. "I understand. I can't wait to hold you myself again."

"Likewise babe." I assured him, hugging him once more. "Now let's focus. The other ninja will be here in a minute."

Itachi nodded and urged me to stand slightly behind his figure just as I heard Kakashi, Naruto, Sakura, and the granny running into the clearing we were in.

"Everybody stop!" Kakashi ordered from the front of their party.

I smiled and waved at him. "Hi Kakashi! Hi Sakura! Hi Naruto! Hi Sasori's grandma!"

Kakashi looked shocked. "Alice?"

"The one and only bitch." I smirked.

"Naruto, Kakashi, it's been a while." Itachi said sexily. I noticed Kakashi tense even more along with Naruto and Sakura.

"You know Sasori?" Chiyo wondered, looking surprised.

I scoffed. "Please, I know him better than I do myself."

"Alice, what are you doing here?" Sakura asked.

Naruto raised his eyebrow. "Do you know this person Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi nodded. "We told you about her. Remember?"

"Oh yeah!" He stated. "She said she met Sasuke."

I sighed and hugged Itachi's arm. "Yeah. I met him. He's an asshole too. I was captured by him just shortly after I left the village. He wanted to use me against Itachi."

"What?" Kakashi demanded.

"He punches like a little girl." I added. "Moody like one too."

Itachi glanced at me. "Alice."

"Yeah?" I wondered, smiling up at him.

He just smirked beneath his collar and shook his head.

"Sasuke hit you?" Sakura wondered.

I pointed at the big ass scar on the side of my face. "He sliced my face open with a kunai too. And Orochimaru tortured me." I shrugged. "Not a big deal."

Kakashi frowned. "Why would he do that?"

"Because he's jealous because I'm dating his brother and not him." I said with a laugh. "I don't know. It's probably because he's more hormonal than a pregnant woman."

Chiyo giggled. "She's funny. She has a nice sense of humor."

"You should see Sasori." I smiled. "He and I have so much fun arguing with each other. He's freaking awesome."

Itachi nodded. "It's true. They bicker for hours at a time."

"I love him to death." I told her. "So? What are you guys up to?"

"We're trying to save Gaara!" Naruto barked.

I smiled. "Don't worry okay? Gaara will be alright in time."

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "How do you know?"

"I know because I'm the one who arranged this whole escapade." I stated. "I planned this out so that Gaara wouldn't get hurt. In order for us to extract the beast, he had to die though, but there is a way to save him."

"How?" Naruto demanded.

"You'll know the answer when the time is right." I assured him. "Just relax and chat with me for a bit."

"We don't have time for this!" He shouted.

"Naruto Uzumaki, be quiet." I sighed. "Or I'll have Kakashi do the hidden finger jutsu on you again."

Naruto shuddered. "How do you know about that?"

"I know everything." I smiled.

Sakura looked at Naruto. "I told you about her abilities." She looked back at me. "Where is your necklace Alice?"

I gestured at Itachi. "Itachi's is holding onto it for me. I gave it to him to watch while I traveled with Sasori, Kathryn, and Deidara to get Gaara."

"Do you know who he is?" Naruto snapped, pointing at Itachi.

I glanced at Itachi. "Yep. He's the love of my life. How could I not know who he is? The one and only Itachi Uchiha."

"Alice, as much as I'd love to chat, we really have somewhere to be." Kakashi stated.

"There isn't a reason for you to leave right now." I shrugged. "I can tell you exactly what is happening around you."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Right now, Gai and his team of Neji, Tenten, and Lee are fighting Kisame." I stated. "Pakkun is with them too."

Kakashi shook his head. "Your ability is impressive."

"It's also slightly ridiculous." I admitted with a shrug.

"Ridiculous?" Chiyo asked.

I sighed and nodded sadly. "Indeed. You see, I know everything about everyone while no one knows very much about me. It makes me seem like a weirdo, know-it-all, or a creep when I use my knowledge by either mistake or just because."

"How?" Sakura wondered.

"Well I creeped Gaara out because I tackled him with affection as soon as I saw him." I explained. "He was just too cute. And I'm pretty sure Sasuke wanted to kill me on more than one occasion while he was being all emo in my presence."

"You're so strange Alice." Itachi told me, curling his arm around my waist.

I nodded as I hugged him back. "Yeah. A bit."

"Alice, how can you stand to be in their clutches?" Sakura asked.

"You make it sound like I'm a prisoner." I stated with a frown. "I'm here because I want to be here. I'm with the Akatsuki because they make me happier than I ever have been. You don't know them so you can't judge them."

"We know what they've done." Naruto stated.

"We've all done some bad things in our life." I sighed. "You're bound and determined to save Gaara who used to kill people for fun." I rested my head against Itachi's shoulder. "Two of your traveling companions have killed countless people. They are no different than the man I have my arms around."

"Yeah but-." Naruto began.

I cut him off. "No buts. You don't have an argument. You have no right to judge Itachi and the others until you actually get to know them. You cannot say another word to me until you know just about much about them as I do."

Kakashi looked down. "You have a point Alice, but they're after Naruto."

"Yeah? And you guys are after them." I stated. "There are two sides to everything." I frowned. "I don't have anything against any of you except for Orochimaru, Kabuto and Danzo. And I have my reasons for those. Personal reasons." I saw Itachi glance at me when I said Danzo's name.

"I have personal reasons to go after the Akatsuki too." Naruto snapped.

"Have they ever actually done anything to you?" I asked. "I know Itachi and Kisame were going to take you a few years back, but they didn't. They're not after you right now either." I added. "You have no reason."

"They're going after our friend." Sakura told me.

"Yeah, and you're threatening mine." I said. "Do you want me to stab you in the throat because of it?" She looked shocked. "I didn't think so. I love Gaara too, but shit happens and there's nothing you can do about it."

Kakashi frowned.

"I know more about you guys and what's going to happen than you could possibly imagine. My 'ability' is also a curse." I told them. "I've seen the deaths of those I love dearly that haven't even happened yet. I know the future of the Shinobi world and there isn't a damn thing that I can do to change it unless I want to have a meeting with every single ninja and smack you all in the face and tell you to shut the hell up and suck it up."

Itachi winced at my tone and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer.

"You know the future?" Chiyo wondered.

"In a manner of speaking, yes." I nodded. "I know the past, present, and future of your land. That is why you have never met anyone from my land before. We're not supposed to come to places of our particular focus. It's not natural and it can fuck shit up."

Yeah, I made that last bit up.

But didn't it sound intense?

"Then why have you come?" Kakashi asked.

"I came here with the Akatsuki because Itachi is worth it." I told him. "All of the Akatsuki are. All of you guys are." I sighed. "I knew about all of you before I even met you. I knew about the Akatsuki before I even met them. And you know what? Nothing has changed."

Itachi rested his forehead against the side of my head, but said nothing. He didn't need to. However, it was also at that moment that he decided to notice something.

"You're injured." He stated, grabbing my hand. He inspected my knuckles outside of the bandages. "What happened Alice?"

"I split my knuckles open during a night terror back before we reached Suna. Sasori took care of them for me." I informed him. "Don't worry about it. They don't hurt."

He sighed and shook his head as he curled his arm around me once more. "You really do hate when people worry about you don't you?"

"You're damn right I do." I confirmed. "How much time we got?"

Itachi was silent for a moment. "You should return."

"Yeah?" I wondered. "Damn, didn't seem like it lasted that long." I shrugged. "See you Kakashi, Sakura. It was nice meeting you Chiyo, Naruto." I hugged Itachi one last time before walking away from him and back to the cover of the trees where Madara was waiting for me.

"Ready?" He asked.

"I was born ready." I smirked. He bobbed his masked head and hugged me in his very Tobi persona before we swirled back to the base.

"How did it go?" Pein wondered when I arrived. Tobi disappeared a minute later. Spouting some shit about needing to find a potty. I'm sure Madara had something important to do though. Because every other guy I know would have just taken a leak behind a bush.

I shrugged. "Fine I guess. I think Itachi's going to rough them up a bit now that I'm gone. That way it'll give you more time."

He dipped his head. "Good."

"What about Kisame?" I asked.

"I came back just a minute before you did." Said shark told me.

I nodded. "They'll be here shortly after you seal the one-tail."

"You know the time frame?" Kakuzu asked.

"Of course I do Kuzu. Who do you think you're talking to?" I asked with a smile.

"Good point." He grunted.

* * *

_First question: For those of you who have read the most recent chapter, does anyone else think Killer Bee looks adorable as a child? I about squealed. And I don't squeal._

_**Fun Fact:** Alice's birthday is June 28th. Kathryn's is September 8th. Weird... same birthdays as me and the real Kathryn... Must be a coincidence._

Answer: _Fire. I'm a fucking pyro. If I can't have fire, lightning. I mean, what would be cooler than shooting lighting bolts out of your hands? I'd feel like a Sith, which is just badass. For those of you who don't know, I just made a reference to Star Wars. Yeah, I'm a dork. Leave me alone._

**QotC: **_If you could get each member one thing for their birthday/Christmas, what would you get them?__ No, you don't have to think up stuff for all of them. You can just pick your favorite member to spoil. I don't care._

_So, is it bad that, after the movie, me, my brother, and my friends Drew and Sam stood outside of the theater in the parking lot with _no one_ else around talking about super heros and what happens if you get shot in the spine? We spent like three hours just standing there, talking about shit. It was fun._

_Anyways dearies, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and my rambling. I heart you. Have a nice life._

_I would also like to mention that_ Tori-da-mutt_ submitted the _longest_ review I have ever seen a few chapters back. I read it back when you posted it, but I kept forgetting to give you a big old mention. Kudos to you.**  
**_

_Okay, now I really am done. Bye!~~~  
_


	38. Chapter 38

_Happy Monday dearies._

_Enjoy the chapter and whatnot_

_I don't own Naruto._

* * *

**Third Person!**

Neji frowned as he used his Byakugan to see inside the Akatsuki base.

"It looks like there's a large cavern." He stated. His eyes narrowed when he saw a person moving sporadically inside. However, they widened when he realized that person had no chakra and looked very familiar. "And… is -is that Alice?"

"Why? What is she doing?" Sakura asked.

Neji sighed as he realized what the teen was doing. "She's dancing…"

"Yeah, that's Alice." The leaf Shinobi all sighed in unison.

**First Person Alice!**

I was bound and determined to creep Neji out with my not-so-awesome dance moves. I knew it was around the time they would be showing up and I also knew he would be using his Byakugan to look around inside.

"Alice, what are you doing?" Kathryn asked, raising her eyebrow at me curiously.

"Dancing." I told her as I did the Macarena.

"…Why?" She wondered.

I smirked. "Neji is going to be looking around in here soon, and I want to creep him out."

She stared at me for a minute before joining my antics of dancing around the room.

"How did we get stuck with that?" Hidan asked, gesturing at us. "…Fucking weirdoes…"

"You love it Hidan!" I sang as I began the YMCA.

He opened his mouth to comment but stopped when a huge boom sounded around us.

"And here they are." I said with a smile, stopping my dance moves.

"It's getting nosy out there." Pein stated.

"Looks like we got ourselves some expected visitors." Kisame hissed.

I smirked. "Nice play on the phrase there, Kisa my dear."

"But which group is it now, un?" Deidara wondered. "The one that Kisame was stalling, or perhaps…"

"**Both.** It's both groups." Zetsu informed him boredly.

"So they all arrived at the same time. Interesting…" Kakuzu mused. He turned his attention to Gaara who was lying on the ground now. "But what a pity. They're too late."

"It seems one of them is also a host." Sasori added, obviously sensing Naruto's chakra.

"Bad Sasori." I stated. "Bad. We follow the plan. Or do you want to die?"

"Danna!" Kathryn stated, putting her hands on her hips. "You follow Alice's plan or so help me I will make you wish you'd never been born."

Hidan snickered. "Ouch."

"Scolded by your brat." Kisame chuckled.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Well? Shouldn't we get this fucking show on the road?" Hidan demanded after a silence enveloped us. "We've got bitches outside to deal with."

He is so impatient.

Almost like Sasori.

Okay not that bad, but close.

Sasori is really bad.

"We've got to set up for Alice's fucking plan too." Hidan added, gesturing at Kakuzu.

"He's right." Zetsu agreed.

"What about the intruders?" Kakuzu asked.

Kisame looked at him. "I wouldn't lose too much sleep over them. We don't even know if they can get in here."

"Don't underestimate them." Itachi warned. "You should know better Kisame."

Kisame laughed. "Well, they do have brute strength going for them I'll give them that."

"They can get in." I added with a cough.

"Sasori." Pein stated. "Deidara." He waited for them to look at him. "Take care of our new _friends_ outside. But be sure to stick to the plan."

"I had a feeling you'd say that, un." Deidara nodded.

"Understood." Sasori growled.

"Everyone else is dismissed." Pein said.

Hidan looked at Kakuzu. "Let's go! We have shit to do."

"Right." Kakuzu grunted.

They disappeared with a fizzing sound.

"Well, I suppose we'll be leaving too." Kisame sighed. "We'll see you back at base. Be careful with Alice and Kathryn."

They exchanged a few other words before finally the others fizzed out and the statue poofed away, leaving Sasori, Deidara, Kathryn, and I alone.

Sasori and Deidara walked forward to wait for our quests, pushing me and Kathryn protectively behind them. I sighed and leaned against Sasori's form. He acknowledged me with a small glance and a head nod.

We waited in silence until a shout was heard and the rock crumbled.

"That would be Sakura." I stated. I counted nine seconds before pointing towards the entrance lazily. As soon as I did, four Shinobi appeared inside the cavern with us. "And there the others are too."

I smiled at the others as I straightened up from Sasori. "Just in time guys."

"You bastards!" Naruto snarled.

I sighed. "Dei, sitting on Gaara isn't helping the situation." The blond merely shrugged.

"Where the hell do you think you're sitting?" Naruto demanded.

"Well, I take it this kid is the host, un." Deidara asked, looking at me.

"Yep." I nodded. "But we have other things to worry about Dei."

"Gaara!" Naruto yelled.

I sighed and looked at the blond Konoha ninja. "Naruto, yelling at him will do you no good. Remember what I told you in the forest?"

Naruto ignored me and continued yelling at Gaara. "Get up already! What are you deaf?"

"Enough Naruto!" Kakashi barked, stopping Naruto in his tracks.

"Alice is right, and you know it too, un." Deidara smirked. "He's been dead for a while now, un." He then proceeded to tap Gaara's dead cheek. I saw Naruto slowly slipping.

"Get ready you two." I whispered. "Focus."

"Give Gaara back!" Naruto shouted. He charged towards us but was stopped by Kakashi.

Kakashi stared at us as he spoke to Naruto. "Cool it. You charge in without thinking and we're done for."

"Wisely said Kakashi." Sasori growled. "Thanks to Alice, we know exactly what to expect and do."

"You flatter me Sasori." I smirked. "But I still can't take you seriously with that hairdo."

Sasori looked at me. "I can't take you seriously in any situation."

"Nicely played my loveable puppet master." I laughed. "So? We ready?"

"It's a pity your plan makes us do things so inartistically, un." Deidara stated. "I wanted to display some of my art, un."

Sasori scoffed. "What? Those pyrotechnic techniques of yours aren't art. Art is a work of beauty. Captured and left for posterity. Art is eternal."

I smacked my forehead. "Oh Jashin, here they go."

"Eternal beauty? Are you kidding me, un?" Deidara scoffed. "Look Danna, don't get me wrong. As a fellow artist I respect your point of view, but true art is fleeting. Flash of beauty burning brightly and then vanishing in a heartbeat, un."

I shook my head and looked at the others. "There's no stopping them when they're in one of these arguments."

Kathryn giggled and hugged Deidara from behind. "They're so cute when they bicker like this."

"Exactly like an old married couple." I sighed.

"What did you say?" Sasori growled, looking at Deidara.

"I don't get it." Sakura stated. "What is with them?"

I shook my head. "Sweetie, you're better off not knowing. These two are a pain in the ass when they get like this."

"You love it." Kathryn smiled.

"Apparently brat, one of us doesn't understand what true art is." Sasori stated.

"And that would be _you_, Danna un." Deidara said smartly.

Sasori shook his head. "Nonsense! Eternal beauty is what constitutes real art!"

"Don't be absurd, Danna un." Deidara sighed. "True art only lasts a moment, un."

I looked at Kathryn. "Sasori forgets about his policy of hating making people wait whenever he gets into these moods."

Kathryn grinned. "But that's what makes Danna special." She eeped when she saw Naruto launch a giant shuriken at us. However, Sasori deflected it lazily with his tail.

"Are you trying to make me angry Brat?" Sasori asked, still focusing on Deidara. I smacked my forehead again.

"Hey easy Danna, un." Deidara stated. "No reason to get so touchy, yeah. Give me a break will ya? Geezal un."

"I don't have to remind you what happens when I get angry do I?" Sasori asked.

I smirked. "He turns green, somehow spawns purple shorts, grows about five feet in every direction and then goes on murderous rampages because he can't control his temper. Do not make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry."

Kathryn laughed. "Danna is not the Hulk Alice!"

"Could have fooled me with that goofy line he just used." I scoffed.

"Why don't you explain it to me again Deidara?" Sasori snarled.

Deidara chuckled and stood. "Art is one thing and one thing only, un." He was quiet for a moment as he formed some clay in his hand, his free arm absently curling around Kathryn's waist as he did so. He tossed the clay bird up into the air. "The explosion itself, un!"

He made a hand sign and the bird came to life. Once it made a strange bird noise and landed, Deidara kissed Kathryn's cheek, and laughed at Sasori.

"It's not even in the same league as your disgusting puppet show, un." He laughed.

Sasori shot his tail at Deidara but stopped when he saw Kathryn's shocked face.

"Danna, don't hurt Dei." Kathryn whimpered, hugging Deidara.

Sasori frowned. "Move brat."

"Sasori, we need to focus." I stated. "You and Deidara had your argument and you can continue it later, but right now, we have people waiting for your attention."

Sasori glanced at me. "Right."

"Dei, Kat, you know the plan. See to it that you follow it through to the very letter." I told them, glancing at them. "Stay with Deidara Kathryn. I'll be with Sasori."

She nodded. "Okay."

"Situation number nineteen, plan Q." I told Sasori. A.K.A: Stall like shit until the appropriate time so I can push the last stage of the plan into action.

"Got it." He growled. He looked at me. "You should stay back.

I nodded. "Yeah. Hey Deidara, Kathryn, don't go too far okay?"

"We won't un." Deidara assured me. He wrapped his arm around Kathryn's waist and jumped onto the bird just as it picked up Gaara.

"Do not let him leave sight of the cavern Kathryn." I pressed.

"Okay." She said obediently.

I sighed. "Shall we Sasori?"

"Be sure that you stay out of the way. The others would kill me if something happened to you." Sasori told me, pushing me back with his tail until he was satisfied with my safe distance.

I sighed and rolled my eyes as Deidara left the cave with Gaara and Kathryn, luring Naruto and Kakashi, leaving Sakura and Chiyo with us.

Sasori had a mini stare down with his grandma before breaking the silence. "The way I heard it, you retired a long time ago…"

"I suddenly longed to see my grandson's face again." Chiyo said sweetly. "And the way that sweet little girl behind you put it, you've made some nice friends."

Sasori looked back at me. "I have a feeling that I'm going to want to kill you."

"Not at all Sasori my dear." I smirked. "I merely told her about our sarcastic comradeship. Nothing bad, I promise."

Sasori rolled his eyes before looking back at Sakura and Chiyo. A few seconds later, Sakura gulped loudly and her body seemed to freeze with fear.

I'm so glad at least _someone_ other than Kathryn finds Sasori intimidating.

After dealing with me for so long, I thought he lost his morale.

But I've seen him as a helpless kitten.

How can he be scary?

Man, I miss the kitties.

They were so cute.

"Sakura, do not fear." Chiyo soothed as she stepped forward a few steps. "I am here with you. You just step back now dear." She reached into the sleeves of her clothes and withdrew a long line of kunai on chakra strings.

"Sasori, keep your eyes on those strings." I whispered.

"I remember." He assured me. He had memorized the episodes of his battle so he knew just as well as I did what she did with those strings.

She launched them at Sasori and he deflected them with his tail. "If you insist on interfering, I guess I have no choice." He ripped his now torn cloak off Hiruko, revealing his puppet body. "How would you and that little brat there like to be part of my collection, granny?"

Sakura gawked at Sasori's scorpion body.

"What is that thing?" She asked in disbelief.

I smiled. "I think we need some back ground music, eh Scorpion?"

"Shut up Alice." Sasori snarled. I just laughed.

"What you're looking at is not Sasori's real body." Chiyo stated.

Sakura glanced at her. "What is it?"

"It's merely a puppet." Chiyo told her.

I sighed. "It's an action figure! Or a doll. Take your pick."

"Alice!" Sasori snapped.

"Alright alright, I get it." I giggled. "I'll try and be quiet."

"If that's a puppet, where is his real body?" Sakura asked.

"Up your ass." I whispered.

Sasori just sighed.

"His real body is inside that one." Chiyo stated.

"That sounds dirty." I snickered quietly. I laughed when Sasori stabbed the floor of the cave in front of me to shut me up. "Sorry, you weren't supposed to hear that."

Sakura looked shocked. "Inside?"

Chiyo dipped her head slightly. "Puppet masters aren't very good at close combat."

"Could have fooled me." I muttered. "I still have bruises."

"Controlling their puppet in battle leaves them wide open to attack. In order to overcome this weakness, Sasori created this puppet." Chiyo explained. "It is both his armor and weapon."

"Sasori's specialty Hiruko." I finished. "The ugly ass puppet scorpion thing."

Sasori glared at me. "We do _not_ need your commentary!" I sighed.

"You seem to know a lot about it, Lady Chiyo." Sakura commented.

Chiyo nodded. "I know everything about that puppet."

Sasori twitched the tail. "But do you know how I prepare a new specimen for my collection?"

I made a face. "I don't think they care, Sasori. It's kinda gross." I'd seen him working on a new one once. I was not pretty.

So disgusting…

Kathryn didn't go into his workshop for like a week.

"First I drain its blood." Sasori began.

"And so he's going to tell us anyways…" I sighed.

"Then I removed all the organs and wash it, inside and out to make it nice and clean. And then, after I preserved the body against decay, the final step is to fill it with hidden weapons." He informed us. I shuddered at the thought.

Fucking nasty puppet procedure…

"As Alice said, this one is called Hiruko." Sasori continued. "It's only one of the specimens in my collection. Once I've added you and the girl, Granny, I'll have collected exactly three hundred."

"Here it comes." I warned.

"This is _my art_." Sasori snarled.

Chiyo frowned. "You call it art do you?"

I winced. "Don't insult it, don't insult it. He'll get pissed."

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked, looking at Chiyo.

"Long ago, he was an esteemed as a master craftsman, admired for his countless extraordinary puppets in the sand." She told her. "But his true passion was for making puppets out of the living and adding them to his collection."

Sakura gasped on cue.

Predicable pink bitch.

Better not touch my puppet.

"He calls this monstrous conduct art." She finished. "That puppet, Hiruko was a Shinobi from the nearby village. Sasori turned him into that. A human puppet."

"A human puppet?" Sakura repeated.

"Do we have a parrot in the area?" I sighed.

"The same fate awaits you." Sasori growled as he brandished his tail. "You will soon become another of my works of art."

Chiyo and Sakura tensed for action. And I took this as my time to begin preparations for the final stages of the plan.

"Cover me Sasori, I'm going for it." I told him as I reached into my pocket.

He nodded. "I hear you."

I tuned out the other occupants of the cave as I withdrew my phone from my pocket. I backed up even further when Sasori nudged me with his tail as a warning. Half of my attention was on Sakura, Chiyo, and Sasori while the other half was working a mile a minute, going over the plan once more in detail as I acted it out.

With flying fingers, I typed in Kathryn's number to send a message.

"_Hidan and/or Kakuzu, as far as I know everything is set on our side. Be ready and waiting for my call. I have to make sure Sasori and Deidara are completely ready before I call you. Is everything okay on your end?_"

I put my phone away just as Sasori started launching those senbon and shit at our two enemies. I watched them dodge with moderate interest until my phone vibrated in my pocket.

"_We're almost done bitch. We should be ready in the next fifteen minutes. Make sure those two fuckers are ready and try to keep the moving close to none or else it'll take more chakra and it'll be harder to fucking do. And make sure Dei-chan isn't on one of his damned birds. I ain't wasting my chakra._"

I nodded to myself. "All I need to do now is get Deidara off his bird, talk to Sasori, and wait until the opportune moment."

Why do _I _get stuck doing all the hard work?

* * *

_I don't really have anything nifty to talk about today..._

_Other than the fact that my friend Chad has a kitten that he named Trash. So all yesterday at his graduation party, I carried this kitten around on my shoulder going. "You Trash, Bre." It's an inside joke for the people at my school... Don't ask. We're all fucking weird.  
_

_Itachi's birthday is in_ four days including today. He shares his birthday with my cousin.

**_Fun Fact:_**_ Alice was tied for first in her class before she graduated a year early. Kathryn was fourth._

Answer: _I really didn't think about this beforehand so here comes an improvised response. Itachi: Alice. Pein: Konan. Konan: Pein. Deidara: Kathryn. Sasori: a book of sarcastic quotes and other fun things. Kakuzu: money. Hidan: weapons/stuff to kill people with. Zetsu: a prison so he could eat everyone inside it. Tobi: A bouncy castle. Madara: all of the volumes and episodes to the show. Kisame: an aquarium/a shit load of movies._

**QotC: **_Of all the symbols in the show/manga, which is your favorite. By symbols, I mean like the ANBU tattoo, Sasuke's curse mark, the Leaf Symbol etc...___

_Kind of a lame question, but I intend on getting some of those as tattoos. So:) My cousin's boyfriend has the leaf symbol as a tattoo on the back of his hand. It's awesome._

_And I'd like to give **Lia** (_Rengoku Akashi_) credit for the 600th review. We are now over that number and I want you all to know that I love you, and you guys are the bestest people ever. You make me happy. So thank you very very much for review/sticking with this story so far. I honestly appreciate it._

_I heart you all. Bye bye now. :)**  
**_


	39. Chapter 39

_Most of the smart kids in your school are not much smarter than you are. They just know how to find the short cuts without getting caught._

_And that ladies and potential gents, is Alice and myself to a T when it comes to certain things._

_Please enjoy this chapter if possible and wish our favorite weasel, Mr. Itachi Uchiha a very happy birthday._

_I do not own Naruto._

* * *

"Ouchies." I whistled as Sakura crushed Hiruko. "Sasori, you didn't have to sacrifice your puppet just to stall."

He flew away from the pile of rubble Hiruko now was. "It would have just been in the way according to what you were telling me earlier."

I nodded. "True, but hey, I feel kind of bad now."

"It is fine, kid." He sighed under the cloak over his cloak. "Did you contact the brats and inform them of the situation?"

"Yeah. They're working on it." I told him. "Deidara said he was already ready. What about you, Sasori?"

He turned his body slightly towards me since he was standing about a foot away. "Almost. My task is a bit more complicated that Deidara's."

"True." I agreed.

"So, you finally decided to come out, eh?" Chiyo asked; looking at Sasori's cloaked figure beside me.

Sakura gasped. "Is that his real body?"

"Come now; let me get a good look at you. I've come all this way to see." Chiyo continued. "I've waited twenty years. I want to see my grandson's face."

"Trust me, it's not much to look at." I teased. I dodged a swing from Sasori and started laughing. "Just kidding of course. Sasori is adorable as hell. Hottest 35 year old I've ever seen."

Sasori sighed. "That's enough out of you, Alice." He turned to me to whisper. "Help me stall them while I finish things up. Then everything will be ready."

"Got it." I allowed my fingers to glide over the buttons on my phone. "_Almost ready. I'll signal you._"

Sasori wiggled his fingers and the head of Hiruko shot some weapons at Sakura that were easily blocked. He chuckled. "You're so predictable, granny."

Chiyo looked confused. "How so?"

"I knew every single move and attack you were going to make, days, no weeks before you did." Sasori stated. "I knew you attached chakra strings to the tail on Hiruko since the very beginning. In fact, the only reason you could was because I let you. I also know that you had chakra strings attached to that pink haired brat to help her dodge my attacks."

They both looked utterly shocked.

"I simply played along because I wanted to see how predictable you were." Sasori informed them. I had been wondering why he let it all happen.

"How did you know?" Sakura demanded.

Sasori jerked his thumb in my direction. "Alice. She told me everything. I could have killed both of you already if I wished. And your little nine-tails brat would be in our clutches as well if Alice didn't ask us to play nicely."

I sighed.

He blames it on me.

Well… it is kind of my fault I guess.

Oh well.

"I knew everything before this battle ever took place." He informed them. He pulled off his concealing cloak. "I just decided to humor you."

I smiled when they both gawked at him. "I told you he was adorable."

"Alice." Sasori sighed before he smiled. "Do you still think this will be easy, granny?"

Sakura did a double take. "Is that person there really Sasori?"

"Impossible. Your face is exactly the same! You haven't aged at all!" Chiyo said in disbelief. I snickered at their wtf faces.

"You're going to give her a heart attack Sasori." I told him. "You asshole."

"I wish I'd have one. That way I wouldn't have to deal with you anymore." He retorted.

I smirked. "Just look in the mirror then you ugly fucker."

"Well played Alice." Sasori chuckled. He turned his attention to his gawking grandmother. "What's the matter granny? Are you so full of emotion that you can't speak?"

"It's that ugly mug of yours." I told him. He frowned at me.

"I'm not surprised." Sasori stated. "It's our first reunion in twenty years."

She blinked. "Sasori, you..."

"While I have you, I'll show you something special." Sasori continued. He allowed a scroll to slide out of the confines of his sleeve and into his hand. "I guarantee it will move you. This piece was particularly difficult to acquire."

"Only because you suck." I snickered.

"But on the other hand, that's what makes me so fond of it." He stated. "This one is my favorite. My least favorite is about to be you Alice if you don't shut up."

I laughed. "Bring it puppet bitch."

The scroll in his hand glowed purple before a huge poof sounded. In that time Sasori gave me a small signal. I was going to have to signal Hidan soon.

Once the poof cleared a bit, Chiyo gasped.

"No, it can't be! It's impossible!" She gasped.

Ah! So close to the actual line!

"Search your feelings; you know it to be true." I said, deepening my voice.

Who knows what I'm referring to?

Sasori glared at me. "No movie references from you."

I pouted. "Party pooper."

Kisame would have quoted it with me…

That's why he's my lovable shark and Sasori is Kathryn's asshole puppet.

"The third Kazekage?" Chiyo demanded. "Sasori, it was you?"

"So what if it was?" Sasori wondered, falling into a stance. "I'm not afraid of a retired old woman who has one foot in the grave. You can't even touch me."

"Retired?" She repeated. "Maybe, but to think my own grandson would stoop this low. Aligning himself with evil people, turning on his village and meddling with the Kazekage for the third time!"

"Mind if I intervene here?" I sang. "Sasori played no part in messing with Gaara's father. Orochimaru acted of his own accord because he's a slithery bitch. Orochimaru had abandoned the Akatsuki before any of that jazz had happened."

"Alice is right." Sasori confirmed. "Though, it is true that we have history."

"That makes you sound like you and him were gay together." I snickered. "Want me to have Kathryn draw you a picture?"

Please say no. That would be gross.

"I'll kill you." He growled.

"Alright whatever." I laughed.

Touchy.

"So you must know all about Orochimaru. This means you have all the answers I'm looking for!" Sakura barked.

I sighed. "That's true I suppose. Though, I could have told you that."

"I'd love to chat a bit longer, but sadly we have some things to do." He looked at me. "Whenever you're ready, Alice."

I nodded and pulled my phone out of my pocket. "Kathryn and Dei are waiting for a signal. I told them to watch for something from you. So do something and make it big."

"Understood." He nodded.

"You have about ten minutes after I make the call." I added, dialing the number. I pressed the call button and held the device up to my ear.

"_What you want bitch?_" Hidan asked.

"Now Hidan." I stated. "Everything is ready."

I heard him scoff. "_It's about fucking time. Give us ten fucking minutes to do it._"

"We can hold." I assured him. "See you later."

"_Bye bitch._" He stated. I ended the call just as he did.

Sakura looked surprised to see my phone. "What is that?"

I looked at Sasori as he prepared to make a huge boom. "Go for it Sasori."

"Yeah." He nodded. He used the third Kazekage to attack Sakura.

I meanwhile, sent a message to Kathryn and Deidara, just in case they were pushed too far away to get Sasori's signal.

"_You have a little over eight minutes to get off that bird. I made the call, we're almost ready. I hope you're prepared Deidara._"

I pulled the necessary item to my little side plan out of my pocket. "Hey Sasori, pull him back for a minute, there's one thing I want to do to stall."

"What?" He demanded, pausing in his assault. "Are you insane Alice?" He snapped when I ran to Sakura.

"Yeah yeah I know! I'm going to get hurt, I'm in the way, and Itachi is going to be pissed. I know Sasori I know." I sighed as I reached her. "Hey Sakura, got a minute?"

She frowned at me. "What are you doing?"

"Listen to me Sakura." I said quietly so no one but her could hear me. "Take this, don't let anyone know you have it until you get back to the leaf village or even until I'm gone. Trust me, you'll be glad I gave it to you."

"What is it?" She asked, looking at the folded papers I slipped into her hand.

"Sasori is going to get pissed at me if I'm over here for too long. Just keep it hidden from him. This is something you'll want." I sighed. "I'm sorry for all this deception and stuff, but hey, you're a ninja, you'll get over it."

"Alice, I don't understand…" She stated.

"Sakura, everything you want is on that piece of paper. You'll thank me later. Remember my abilities and my knowledge when you finally read it. It is the truth." I told her. I patted her shoulder before jogging back to Sasori's side.

"What was that about?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Stalling."

He frowned. "Whatever."

"We've got about three minutes left." I stated, checking the time. I noticed I had a message back from Kathryn.

"_We're on the ground. We're set and ready to go, hopefully they hurry up."_ Kathryn replied. I sighed with relief and sent her a message, telling Deidara to follow through.

"Make a distraction and put your puppet away Sasori." I stated. "That way it doesn't get in the way."

He nodded and shot poison out of the arms of the puppet, making a huge cloud of smoke appear in front of us. He grabbed me and jumped back a safe distance so I wouldn't breathe it in. "Cover your mouth, eyes, and nose." Sasori muttered, forcing my face into his cloak. I heard another, quieter poof, letting me know that Sasori returned his puppet into the scroll.

"Do it Sasori." I whispered.

He grunted his understanding and performed a few hand signs. He muttered a jutsu I didn't catch just as a strange headache coursed through my brain and darkness enveloped me.

* * *

Tobi's Only Girl_: No, Tobi's mask isn't technically a symbol but if can be if you'd like. Yes, I will and I appreciate the compliment. And no, I do not like pie. I hate food in general. If I didn't have to eat to survive, I wouldn't._

_Dun dun dun... what's going to happen now?_

_**Fun fact: **Alice's favorite food is tomatoes. Kathryn's is salad... It's not a food but that's what she told me._

Answer: _To be honest, I find most of the symbols in Naruto to be awesome, but my absolute favorite would have to be the ANBU tattoo and Sasuke's sealed curse mark. I also love anything have to do with an Uchiha. I swear to you I don't have a fetish. Okay... maybe a little one. Anyways, I plan on getting a lot of them as tattoos when I get the funds to do so. :)_

**QotC: **_Favorite __Dōjutsu? Sharingan? Byakugan? Or Rinnegan? Tell me why it's your favorite and give me your favorite user. As for Pein/Nagato, tell me which Path or if Nagato is your favorite._

_Bye, I'm going to go and type up the chapter for tomorrow!  
_


	40. Chapter 40

_40 chapters guys._

_And there will be a lot more to go._

_Enjoy lovelies. I do not own Naruto._

* * *

"Ouch!" I muttered, holding my head. "My head hurts like a bitch."

"I suppose it's a side effect for being summoned without chakra." Kakuzu's deep voice mused. I opened my eyes to see him sitting beside a sleeping Hidan in front of a fire. Kathryn was sleeping with her head in Deidara's lap. Said bomber was snoring quietly against a tree.

We were inside a small clearing in a forest somewhere where I didn't care to know. All I knew was that the plan appeared to be a success. Deidara still had both of his arms, and Kathryn seemed just fine. So, as far as I knew, everything was okay.

I rubbed my forehead as I sat up. "Where's Sasori?"

"I'm right here." He stated from somewhere beside me. I looked around in his direction to see him sitting right next to my spot. He had some medical supplies in his hands.

Now everything _is _okay.

My puppet escaped death.

Suck on that Kishimoto.

We just sucker-punched your storyline in the face.

"Oh, hey Sasori." I sighed. "So did everything go smoothly?"

"It went perfectly." Sasori informed me. "The only thing we didn't account for was the toll it would take on the two of you. Kathryn still hasn't woken up."

I nodded. "Well at least you guys are okay." I looked at Kakuzu. "Thanks for helping Kakuzu. We appreciate it."

He nodded. "No problem Alice." He sighed tiredly, blinking slowly and looked at Sasori. "Are you taking first watch?"

It was around that time that I noticed Kakuzu looked utterly exhausted beneath his mask. That poor miser… That summoning thing must have taken a lot out of him. It obviously did Hidan because that religious asshole was sawing logs like a lumberjack.

"I'll take every watch." Sasori told him. "I don't sleep. Go ahead and rest up Kakuzu."

Kakuzu grunted before he curled up with his back to Hidan. Awe, I feel bad now.

"The summoning took a lot out of them." Sasori informed me. "He didn't want to go to sleep until he was certain that you guys were going to be alright."

Well that's sweet of him. Who knew Kakuzu could be so caring?

Oh that's right. I did.

I fucking love him.

And his stripper of a partner…

I sighed. "Poor guys." I shook my head. "So what's with the medical supplies?"

"Another downfall to you being summoned was it reopened your knuckle wounds. I was working on healing them when you woke." He stated.

"Oh." I said, looking at my knuckles. They were stitched up, which is not something I remembered them being. "Damn." More scars on my knuckles. I already had a boat load from all of those fights and shit I used to get into.

Thank Jashin I got anger management a few years back.

Not that it stopped my fights…

I still have a short temper.

It did stop me from punching walls though.

"Kakuzu stitched them up." Sasori explained, taking my hand again. "You should try to get some sleep. We're leaving tomorrow morning to return to the base. We'll reach it in a few days depending on how fast we move." He dabbed at the stitched slice with a bandage looking thing.

"If you insist." I sighed, lying down again, my hand at an awkward angle considering it was being held by Dr. Pinocchio.

"I do." He retorted smartly. "Sleep. I'll finish working on your hand."

I smiled. "Alright Sasori. I get it." I yawned and closed my eyes. "Thanks buddy."

He smacked my forehead gently. "Sleep brat."

"Roger." I sighed tiredly. "Night my favorite puppet."

I could hear his eyes roll as he told me to shut up and sleep.

You gotta love Sasori.

**Third Person!**

Sakura Haruno smiled brightly as she followed the others to the Konoha hospital. Naruto elbowed her with a huge grin on his face even though they were currently reporting to the hospital for their sensei.

Kakashi would be okay.

He's a big boy. This happens to him a lot.

Sakura returned Naruto's smile.

Miles away, in the destroyed cavern that had been a battle field, a puppet with fiery red hair and chocolate brown eyes lie lifeless on the ground with two swords protruding from a circular container, dried poison oozing around the swords.

Sakura smiled with relief because she was certain she had destroyed an Akatsuki member for the better. Naruto had one less threat. However, what Sakura failed to notice was the lack of an Akatsuki ring on the puppet's hand. She failed to realize that the heart container she thought was stabbed was actually a heart container of a misfortunate victim of the real Akasuna no Sasori. Who was safely in the forest with a few of his comrades.

But what Sakura doesn't know, won't hurt her.

She slipped her hands into her pocket as she followed her closest friend to the hospital, her happy smile falling slightly when her hands enclosed around folded paper. Her eyes widened when she remembered the origin of this paper. Curious, she pulled it out of her pocket.

"_Since you're reading this, it means that you've won your little battle. So I'm guessing Gaara is alright now and you're either on your way back to Konoha, or you're already there._

_ I fucking told you that he would be fine._

_ I just neglected to mention that someone else was going to have to go in his place._

_ Sorry about that…_

_ My knowledge is my curse._

_ As I promised, this letter holds very important information that I'm probably not supposed to tell you, but I will anyways. Why am I doing this you might ask?_

_ I'm doing it because I love you guys._

_ Don't believe me? Well too bad. Why else would I do it?_

_ Anyways, ten days from the exact day you fought with Sasori and Deidara, you need to go to the Tenchi Bridge. It is of the utmost importance that you follow my exact orders Sakura. On the day I mentioned, at the bridge, one of Sasori's subordinates that works as a spy for him is supposed to meet him there. Go in his stead, now that you've defeated him._

_ Why?_

_ Well, because this subordinate of Sasori is spying on Orochimaru for him. They were supposed to meet ten days from the day I gave this to you, but since Sasori was defeated, this is a perfect opportunity for you guys to get to our most favorite little emo. If you capture him, you will be one step closer to getting Sasuke back. Awesome I know._

_ I'm telling you this because even though Sasuke is an asshole sometimes, I love him to death. I mean, I'm dating his older brother. Plus, I know all of the suffering you guys all go through because he's gone._

_ I'm adding another letter in here that you are to give to Tsunade, Kakashi, or Jiraiya. Do not read it. It is not for your eyes. You can let them read this letter though. I don't care what you do with this one. Throw darts at it if you want._

_ If you decide to do as I said and go and get Sasuke, trust me when I tell you to be extremely careful. There will be dangers that you may not expect. I can't say anything more, but I will tell you that much._

_ DO NOT let said subordinate know that you defeated Sasori until you move to capture him. It is detrimental to the rendezvous._

_ I can tell the future woman. I know what happens. So trust me._

_ Oh and because Kakashi is going to be inactive during this time, you'll be assigned two new members to the team. I hope you like them, because I think they're hilarious._

_ I gotta go because I have to make breakfast and if they wake up and breakfast isn't already ready, they'll be pissy and I don't feel like beating anyone today._

_ So toodles Sakura. Take care of yourselves okay?_

_ And tell Kakashi I said to be careful with his Sharingan._

_ Love ya bitch._"

Sakura gawked at the letter and looked up with excitement in her heart. "Naruto!"

Naruto looked around at her. "What is it Sakura?"

"Read this!" She thrust the letter into his hands. "Alice gave it to me when I was fighting Sasori. This is awesome!"

Naruto's eyes widened as he continued reading. "OH MY GOD!" He grabbed Sakura's shoulders. "This will help us get Sasuke! I can't believe this! Thank you Alice wherever you are!" He grabbed Sakura's hand. "Let's go tell Kakashi-sensei!"

Sakura smiled brightly, running alongside him to catch up to their teacher.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto yelled, running into the hospital room his teacher was in. "We have awesome news!"

Kakashi sighed. "What is it Naruto?" He blinked when Naruto shoved the letter inches from his face. He sighed again and took the paper, his black eye zooming as he read it. "Where did you get this?"

"Alice gave it to me." Sakura told him. "She wrote it and gave it to me during my fight with Sasori."

"What about the second letter?" Kakashi wondered.

Sakura withdrew the smaller folded piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to him. "I didn't read it like she asked. Besides, I was much too excited about the Tenchi Bridge business to even remember it."

Kakashi nodded as he unfolded the tightly folded paper. "Tsunade should be here in a few moments, be sure to give this to her so she can make a decision." He gave Sakura the letter addressed to her as he began reading the classified one.

"_Hello Tsunade, Kakashi, or even the wonderfully perverted Jiraiya! It's Alice, and do I have wonderful news for you?_

_ Before reading this, I suggest you read the letter I gave Sakura, if not, then I shall explain the situation to you once more._

_ Exactly ten days from the day Sakura received this letter, a subordinate of Sasori that is currently spying on Orochimaru will report to the Tenchi Bridge to rendezvous with him. However, since he was defeated by Sakura and the late Chiyo, you must take this opportunity to go to said bridge and attempt to capture the spy._

_ There is a reason why this is addressed to you and not Sakura or one of the other ninja whom I love dearly. And that is because of the touchy subject of Naruto._

_ Because Kakashi will be out of commission for this mission, a substitute will be needed. And you need the ANBU member that formally went by the false name of Tenzo. The one who can use the first Hokage's jutsu. You know who I'm talking about._

_ Why do you need him? He is needed because of the cells of the first Hokage. He will be able to control Naruto should Naruto lose his temper and flip a shit in the fox's cloak or whatever. Jiraiya knows what I'm talking about, ask him. _

_ He __will__ lose his temper on this mission and the fox's cloak will emerge. Fair warning, this will be rather dangerous, but as long as you guys tread with caution, no one will get hurt besides the expected little scratches and whatnot._

_ The next stand-in will be 'requested' by the asshole Danzo who I hate with a passion. I hope you tell him too. Little fucking jerk… Sorry, I'm getting off track._

_ Anyways, take my suggestion and see this through. You may just get Sasuke._

_ BE CAREFUL! The subordinate is going to expect Sasori so make sure you imitate him until the opportunity to capture him arises. This will be dangerous. So please be careful._

_ You know Naruto is going to want to go, so don't even try to get him out of it._

_ Well, I have to go. Deidara blew up the living room again and I have to go and kill him._

_ Check ya later~!_

_PS. Will SOMEONE tell Naruto that orange is not a good color for a ninja to wear?_"

"Alice, you're a nut." Kakashi chuckled. "To think that you went through all that trouble just to help us out a bit." He shook his head. "She is something."

* * *

Navi-at-Heart_ wins because she was the first person to guess what the note Alice gave Sakura was about._

_I don't have anything to talk about really today. I'm helping my brother beat Assassins' Creed Brotherhood because I'm a beast at it._

**_Fun Fact: _**_My brother sucks at Assassins' Creed... Like real bad._

Answer: _My favorite is the Sharingan. Obviously Itachi is my favorite user. Second would be Diva Path and his super ringed eye of awesomeness. Then Neji and his lack of pupils. :)_

**QotC: **_What is your favorite jutsu? Like the Chidori or the grand fireball jutsu._

_Well I gotta go. No fun talkies today. :(_

_Ta ta dearies.  
_


	41. Chapter 41

_At last, Alice is home. But how are things...?_

_Read and find out. Thanks for all of the support my lovely readers. I appreciate it._

_For now, enjoy. I still don't own Naruto. I'm working on it._

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

"Home." I said with a smile as we entered the base.

Kathryn smiled at me. "We have to be quiet though, I think everyone is sleeping."

I nodded absently, already walking away from them. "Yeah." I heard them say something about me being busy but I didn't bother to figure it out.

I wanted my weasel.

And he was oh so close.

Walking as fast as I could without making any noise, I hurried to our shared room and slipped inside.

There he was, sleeping quietly in the middle of the bed on his back. My heart clenched at the sight of him and I instantly wanted nothing more than to just hold him and kiss him to my heart's content.

It hurt.

I _needed_ him.

Even though he looked so perfect laying there shirtless and with his hair down, I couldn't be satisfied with just looking at him. I needed to hold him so bad. And nothing was going to stop me from having him.

If I had my way, I'd never let him go.

Walking over to the bed, I silently crawled on top of it without disturbing him and crawled to him. I paused for a moment as I hovered over him, just marveling at his wonderful face. He looked so beautiful.

I couldn't take it anymore. With gentle movements, I kissed him fully on the mouth, savoring the feel and the perfect taste of his soft lips.

How can I ever hope to live without that?

How _did_ I live without that?

Itachi's breathing changed slightly as I kissed him and he pulled away slightly in shock about being kissed. I saw him open his eyes and flare his Sharingan at whoever was touching him. With a smile, I looked into the most gorgeous eyes in the world.

"Itachi." I whispered.

I could say that name forever and never get tired of it.

It was just as perfect as its owner.

Itachi's eyes widened as he realized it was me and he instantly crushed his lips to mine, wrapping his arms around me so he could pin me to his person.

"Alice." He whispered the second he pulled away to breathe. "I missed you so much."

I smiled and closed my eyes, hugging him tighter. "You took the words right out of my mouth." I kissed him again. "I'm never letting you go ever again."

He rolled onto his side and buried his face into my neck. "Good, because I never intended on letting you leave me ever again." He kissed my neck, refusing to put even an inch of space between us as he confined me to his wonderfully muscled body.

"The world could be ending and I wouldn't freaking care right now as long as I get to hold you." I told him. "That's all I want. That's all I need right now." I nuzzled him. "I love you so much Itachi Uchiha. I love you more than words can wield the matter."

Oh I was totally quoting Shakespeare…

It was _on_.

He sighed. "Alice, I love you. I couldn't even begin to describe it."

We were so freaking mushy.

It was taking a lot to push away the sarcastic comments and stuff.

But damn did I want him.

I'd be as mushy as necessary as long as I got to hold him and at least attempt to convey my feelings to him. I wanted him to somewhat try and understand a least a little of what he does to me. After all, he is the only one who has ever driven me this crazy with love.

He pulled my mouth to his and poured all of his love into the tiny gesture. So I poured all of mine right back. If he was anyone else other than Itachi, he'd have drowned in my love. Though, the same could be said about me as well.

He loved me just as much as I loved him.

Or at least he was close…

We laid in bed, staring at each other for the longest time, giving each other light little kisses every now and then for extra effect. But our eye contact was never broken. And neither was the silence.

"Alice." He whispered, finally breaking it.

I smiled. "Yeah?"

"I'm so proud of you." He told me, kissing me again.

I raised my eyebrow, kissing him back but not breaking eye contact. "Why?"

I saw him smile. "You haven't made one sarcastic comment this entire time. I've honestly been expecting one since I woke up. I'm extremely impressed."

I frowned. "Am I really that bad?"

He chuckled. "Kind of, yes."

"Fair enough." I giggled. "If it makes you feel any better, they were pretty much racking my brain the entire time."

He laughed lightly and kissed my nose. "I expected as much."

I kissed every single millimeter of his lips. "I love you so freaking much."

"And I love you just as much." He assured me.

"I suppose that's reasonable. If it were possible for us to love each other more than we do, the entire universe and every other one would be destroyed with the intensity of our love." I stated to his lips. "So, for the sake of everyone else, let's just leave it at that. Ne?"

He chuckled. "I accept." He kissed me passionately. "You should sleep Alice. You look so tired." He nudged what I'm sure were the bags under my eyes with his nose gently. "Sleep. I will hold you throughout the night and the rest of our lives. You're mine, and I'm never letting you go ever again."

I smiled and closed my eyes. "I'm sure I look like shit, so I will sleep. But stay with me so I can hold you."

"You look beautiful as you always do." He assured me. "And I won't leave. You have my word. I will never leave you."

"Good." I sighed tiredly into his collarbone. "And thanks for the compliment. You look perfect as always too."

I heard him chuckle.

"I love you Itachi." I muttered into his body as I kissed his flawless skin. "Night."

I didn't hear his reply, but I did feel the gentle squeeze and loving kiss.

I woke up, pleasantly pleased by the fact that I couldn't move due to the fact that I was being held by very strong, loving arms.

I smiled internally and externally into the embrace of the person I loved most in the world. The man of both my dreams and reality was in my arms as I was in his.

I used the little head room I had to pull my face away from his neck to look at his perfect face. And boy was it perfect. If anything could fit the description of perfect, it was Itachi Uchiha.

His nose twitched slightly in his sleep and I had to smile because it was freaking adorable. So, compelled by his cuteness, I placed a very gentle, loving kiss to his lips, smiling when he responded subconsciously.

I pulled away after the tiny kiss to watch his reaction. His nose twitched again and he shifted slightly. His grip around me tightened and he buried his face into my neck, sighing contently in his slumber.

I used this opportunity to run my fingers through his hair. I rested my chin on the top of his head and stroked his silky black locks gently, utterly content with this situation. I moved my head so my cheek was on his head and I closed my eyes, just wanting to hold my man.

About twenty minutes of me gently petting him, Itachi's breathing changed and his grip on me shifted. I felt him smile when he felt me petting him and he kissed my collarbone.

"Alice." He breathed.

"Good morning babe." I said quietly.

He pulled his face away from my neck so he could look me in the eyes. I put my hand that was petting him on his face. We stared at each other for a moment until he kissed me.

"Good morning my love." He stated.

I nodded. "It's always a good morning when I'm with you." I rested my forehead against his. "Jashin you are so handsome and sexy."

He kissed me before tucking my head under his chin and pulling me back to him. "I love you so much Alice."

"I love you too Itachi." I assured him, kissing neck.

He opened his mouth to comment but stopped when a thud was heard outside of the room.

"I swear to Jashin, if _anyone_ disturbs us, I'll fucking kill you." I snarled, glaring over my shoulder at the door. "If you're out there, get the fuck away. I don't care if it's fucking Pein."

**Third Person!**

"_I swear to Jashin, if _anyone_ disturbs us, I'll fucking kill you._" Alice's voice snarled through the door. "_If you're out there, get the fuck away. I don't care if it's fucking Pein_."

Kathryn's eyes widened slightly at Alice's tone. "Uh, maybe we should leave them alone." She whispered.

"It's fucking Alice." Hidan scoffed. "What's the worst she could do?"

Kathryn shook her head and backed away from the door, pulling Deidara's hand. "I haven't heard Alice use that tone in a really long time. Let's leave her alone guys." She frowned when Hidan started wiggling his fingers under the door to taunt Alice.

Deidara raised his eyebrow at Kathryn and opened his mouth to comment before something else caught his attention. "What is that noise un?" It sounded like scraping metal.

Suddenly a sling and a thud sounded from the door and the blade of a katana stopped literally a millimeter from Hidan's forehead.

"What the fuck?" He demanded. "That bitch is crazy."

Kathryn's eyes widened. "Dei, come on. Alice is going to kill someone."

Deidara nodded and scooped up Kathryn, running down the hallway and slipping into Kisame's room, leaving Hidan alone in front of the door.

The katana was wrenched out of the door just a moment before it swung open to reveal an extremely pissed off Alice with a sword in her hand. "Time to die, you little fucker."

"HOLY SHIT!" Hidan shouted, running away.

Alice glared after him, anger radiating off of her. Her anger subsided substantially when a pair of powerful, protective arms wormed their way around her waist and pulled her against a sculpted, muscular chest.

"Alice." Itachi whispered in her ear. "You're actually quiet sexy when you're angry."

Alice sighed. "I'm trying to decide whether or not I hate the fact that you can calm me down so easily."

He smirked and kissed her neck. "Are you leaning in any particular direction?"

"I'm thinking I love it." She told him, tilting her head slightly to give him access to the sensitive skin there. "But, I still want to go on a murderous rampage."

"It's only Hidan. You should expect nothing less from him." Itachi muttered.

"I distinctly heard Kathryn and Deidara too." She stated. "If I am correct, they ran into Kisame's room."

He raised his eyebrow. "And how do you come to that conclusion?"

"I know Deidara." She stated. "I know him well enough to assume that when I threw the sword, he picked up Kathryn and ran into Kisame's room." She smiled. "And if I know Kisame, he will be tossing Deidara out of his room, right about now."

Sure enough, Kisame ripped his door open, looking tired and annoyed. He threw Deidara out of his room while kindly stepping aside for Kathryn to skip out of said room. He then yawned tiredly and slammed the door once again.

Itachi stared, impressed. He looked at Alice and kissed her. "You never cease to amaze me." He looked at Kathryn who was helping Deidara up. "Wanna kill them still?"

"A bit." Alice nodded. "But if you have a better alternative than I might decide on a different course of action."

He smirked and kissed her, slipping his tongue into her mouth when she opened it. After a moment of dazing her with his mind-blowing kisses, he pulled away. "Well?"

She sighed. "You're good." She glared down the hallway at the blonds. "Get out of this hallway, before I decide to kill you."

Kathryn eeped. She grabbed Deidara's hand and sprinted away from Alice and Itachi.

With a satisfied smirk, Alice grabbed Itachi by his pants and pulled him back into the room with a hungry expression on. It only intensified as she pushed him towards the bed and shut the door behind them. Itachi could be heard chuckling as the door closed with a click.

**First Person Alice!**

I tugged Itachi into the kitchen later that day to find Deidara, Kathryn, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Kisame in there eating. Kathryn and Deidara both stared at me with slight fear in their eyes. Apparently I'm really scary.

Good.

Assholes will learn their lesson.

"Good morning." I said calmly, sitting across from Kathryn so I could sit between Itachi and Kisame.

Sasori looked at me. "What's this I heard about you throwing a sword through a door?"

"They were annoying me." I stated. "I warned them and they didn't heed my warning. And because they didn't, Hidan almost got a sword through the skull."

Kakuzu chuckled and Hidan frowned at me. "You're a crazy bitch."

"And you're an annoying fucker." I retorted smoothly, picking at my nails. "But, on a side note, you better get used to me, because we'll be traveling together soon."

"Oh joy." Kakuzu sighed.

I smirked. "Don't be sad Kakuzu. I'll help you beat Hidan."

"Bitch." Hidan growled. "When the hell are we leaving?"

I looked at Kakuzu. "A month I think."

"And how long are you going to be gone?" Sasori asked.

I shrugged. "I have no idea honestly. We have to travel to the cloud and get the two-tails." I sighed. "And then we have to 'attempt' to get Naruto. Though, there's a 99.999% chance that we won't get him."

"Do the Akatsuki ever get Naruto?" Kathryn asked, looking at me.

"As far as I know, no. No they don't." I confessed. "Though, it's only a matter of time."

Itachi wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my cheek. "Here is your necklace, Alice."

I smiled and kissed him back, allowing him to put it on me as I did so. "Thanks."

"Zetsu and Tobi are back, un." Deidara stated, lifting his head off the table.

Sure enough, a moment later, Tobi come flying into the room, yelling cheerfully. "SENPAI!" He glomped Deidara. "Tobi messed you Senpai!"

"Get off Tobi you idiot, un!" Deidara snapped.

"His energy is so tiring. **It's also annoying.**" Zetsu growled, coming up through the floor. "Alice, Pein wants to see you. Tobi will take you."

I raised my eyebrow and shrugged. "Alright."

Tobi appeared by my side and scooped me up in the next instant before skipping from the room with me in his arms.

"You know I can walk right Tobi?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Tobi knows." Tobi stated. "But this is faster."

I sighed. "Fair enough." And so Tobi carried me to Pein's office. Konan wasn't in there when we made it. Pein was alone, sitting behind his desk. He looked up when we entered.

"Alice." He said with a dip of his head. "Madara."

I was set down just as soon as the Tobi aura disappeared, being replaced by the fearful, and evil aura owned by the one and only Uchiha Madara.

Such an intense difference…

It's actually quite scary sometimes.

"So what did you need Pein?" I asked cocking my head to the side in question.

"We are going to discuss plans for the capture of the two tails." Madara informed me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I looked at him. "Now?"

"Yes." Pein confirmed. He gestured at the chair in front of his desk. "Take a seat, Alice."

I walked forward slowly, watching Madara as he walked to a different chair. I waited for him to sit down before taking a seat myself. I looked at Pein. "I've given this thought, but I haven't come up with any sound plans yet. Though, this won't be nearly as difficult seeing as Hidan and Kakuzu are as immortal as one can get." I paused. "Scratch that. Madara is included."

Said Uchiha chuckled. "While this is true, we also have to consider every possible outcome, just like we did with Sasori and Deidara. We cannot leave anything up to chance."

"I know." I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face. "So? Where do we start?"

"From your knowledge of the events that transpire, do Kakuzu and Hidan collect the two-tails without difficulty?" Pein wondered.

I nodded. "They catch her easily. However, they don't get Naruto. Everyone that you send after him dies. Even you, Pein." I glanced at Madara. "It would be best to wait until later to actually try to capture him. It's when he's the most vulnerable despite his increase in power."

Pein frowned slightly. "For now, we will take your word. However, I would like to have information on his progress. Also, would it be best to fake Kakuzu and Hidan's deaths just like Sasori and Deidara's?"

"Yeah it would." I confirmed. "Kakuzu also might have to lose a few of his hearts in the process, but it's not like he can't replace them. But if we fake their deaths, it will give us the element of surprise if we send them in again. Not to mention, they will have an underestimation of our forces."

Madara stared at me through his mask. "When should we go after the nine-tails?"

"When only him and Killer Bee are left." I told him. "However, you better be careful with both of them. The eight-tails should not be underestimated even though he's kind of an idiot." I smiled thinking about his rapping.

"Do you have your music player with you?" Pein asked.

"No. I didn't expect to be coming in here so soon so I didn't bring it with me. It's in Itachi's room." I stated. "I can go and get it if you want me to."

Pein dipped his head. "Please do so."

With a salute I got to my feet and left the room. I sighed as I traveled through the base towards me and Itachi's room. Running my hand over my face, I completely missed Itachi and ran straight into him as I passed the kitchen.

"Alice?" He asked, catching me so I didn't fall. "What are you doing love?"

I looked around, slightly confused as to what happened before my mind caught up with me. "Oh hey babe." I said, kissing him. "Sorry I didn't mean to run into you. My mind was elsewhere."

"What are you doing? Didn't Pein want to see you?" Itachi questioned.

"I have to go and get my iPod because Pein wants to start on plans." I explained. "I'm a little annoyed but hey, what can you do?"

He touched my face gently and kissed me. "He's asking too much of you. You just got home." He frowned. "I will talk to him."

"Don't worry about it." I sighed shaking my head. "It's not like he's making me run around. We're only discussing plans." I took his hand in my functional one and pulled him with me as I went to our room. "It's fine Itachi."

"If it's fine, then why are you annoyed?" He wondered, kissing the side of my head and curling his arm around my shoulders to close the distance between us.

"I'm annoyed because I don't get to spend the day with you." I stated. "I have to spend all day sitting on my ass listening to Pein and Madara talk."

He frowned. "Madara is doing it too?"

"Yep." I nodded. "I was surprised too." I opened the door to our bedroom and walked to my pile of junk beside the bed. I searched through my shit until I found my iPod. I grabbed a charger just in case and shoved them in my pockets before turning back to Itachi.

He was watching me quietly, his onyx eyes boring into my multicolored ones. "Itachi?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at his silence and the expression he was supporting. "Are you okay?"

I blinked and in that instant he was inches from me, putting his hands on either side of my face and pulling me into a kiss. I was shocked, but it's not like I wasn't going to respond and return the gesture.

He was upset. I don't know why or what exactly what was upsetting him, but I could tell from just the kiss.

I didn't like it.

Itachi should never be upset.

I pulled away from him and held onto his face. "Itachi, what's wrong?"

He put his hands over mine and held them there. "Alice, why do you have to be so selfless all the time? Why do you never do anything for yourself?"

What?

"What are you talking about?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at him.

Itachi opened his eyes and narrowed them. "You always do things for others and you don't take a moment to do things for yourself. Like this, right now. Pein and Madara are already requesting that you spend what could be hours racking your brain. I can see it in your eyes that you don't want to do it. You're mentally exhausted. I can see it." He pressed his forehead to mine. "This isn't the only incident that you have done something you did not want to do just to please others. You do things like this all the time."

"Where is this coming from?" I wondered. "I don't really mind doing this Itachi. I'm just lazy. It's not that big of a deal."

He sighed. "Alice. I love you. I don't like seeing you push yourself so much just so you can please others." He caressed my cheek. "Stop being so selfless."

I'm probably the most selfish person out there.

I'm destroying the balance of this world just so I can keep the ones I love alive.

I'm willingly risking the lives of thousands just so I can have my new family.

I willingly and happily left Brett and Louis who loved me more than just about anyone just so I could be with Itachi and be happy. They gave up so much to let me live with them.

I was more than happy to leave the few good friends that I had behind without even considering their opinions.

I am planning on forcing Itachi to throw away his life goal to die at Sasuke's hands just so I can keep him, only because I would suffer if he left me. I've thought about his feelings but in the end, my fear of losing him wins.

How am I selfless?

"I have no idea what you're talking about Itachi." I sighed. "I am doing this for myself. I would prefer to do it some other time, but I will end up doing this soon. When it comes down to it, it really doesn't matter when it happens." I frowned at him. "I'm the least selfless person you could meet Itachi. If you want to see someone who is as selfless as you claim, go and look in a mirror." He just stared at me. "Everything _I_ do is a selfish act. _You_ are the epitome of selfless."

I kissed his forehead. "We'll talk more later. I don't want Pein and Madara to get pissy because I'm taking so long." I hugged him. "I love you Itachi."

He paused for a moment before returning the gesture. "I love you Alice. I'll see you later when you're done with Pein."

We kissed and then I departed, heading back to the room.

"What took you Alice?" Pein questioned curiously when I entered the room.

I shook my head. "I had to search for it. Sorry it took me so long. You guys can watch the episodes. I brought my phone too and another set of headphones so you can watch them together."

I handed the devices over to the leaders, moving on autopilot.

Itachi's voice was off.

Either he was really serious about what he was talking about, or something else was upsetting him.

The expression and tone of voice he had used was actually painful to witness.

* * *

_My apologies for any typos and grammatical errors. I'm rather busy right now._

**_Fun Fact: _**_Kathryn loves spiders and bees. But she's afraid of ants._

Answer: _Hidden finger jutsu, Amaterasu. Essentially anything having to do with a Sharingan user..._

**QotC:** _Of the Akatsuki, which one do you think would be the best exotic dancer? Yes, I am asking this question. Do not judge me. There is a reason._

_Haha, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I appreciate all of the support. You guys are awesome._

_Sorry for posting it so late in the day. I've been rather busy._

_Toodles my sweeties.**  
**_


	42. Chapter 42

_Chapter 42._

_Green Lantern was an awesome movie. Ryan Reynolds is a sexy, sarcastic nerd. And that just makes him a huge win._

_I saw it a midnight with my brother and a few friends._

_Fun fun. Anyways, enjoy this chapter. I don't like it at all._

_I do not own Naruto._

* * *

I sighed as I walked out of Pein's office.

Seven hours.

Seven damn hours of sitting there, planning everything, down to the tiniest detail. I never knew Madara or Pein could talk so much. And after all of that, I kind of wish they would go back to being stoic and awesome.

Pein and I didn't even use our code.

I think he was trying to seem professional with Madara around.

But whatever.

I ran a hand through my hair. Seven hours of this shit wore me out. And tomorrow or sometime soon, I'd have to do it all over again with Kakuzu and Hidan.

I really need to stop stressing out over things.

It was making me irritable and when I'm irritable, things get messy.

Nobody likes an irritable Alice.

The entire time I was planning with my Leaders, all I could think about was Itachi and what could have made him upset. Obviously I was occupied by the plans, but I kind of half-assed it which I'm a little disappointed about. However, I couldn't get Itachi's tone and expression out of my head.

Many different potential reasons were racking my brain. Some were more concerning and depressing than others.

I jumped slightly when I almost ran into Kathryn. She was standing in front of me with her hands on her hips, looking down at me with a concerned expression.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

I raised my eyebrow at her. "What are you talking about?"

"You're sad. Something is troubling you. Tell me what's wrong." She said calmly

"Nothing's wrong Kathryn. I'm just tired. After seven hours of intense planning I just want to sleep." I sighed, rubbing my forehead.

"Don't give me that shit Alice." Kathryn snapped. "Who do you think you're lying too? I know you better than anyone. Don't hide stuff from me." Her expression softened. "I want to help Al. Please?"

I sighed. "I've just got a lot of stuff on my mind right now Kathryn. Can we talk about this later? I'm really not in the mood right now."

She frowned again. "Come on." She grabbed my hand and dragged me through the hallways and shoved me into the living room where Kisame, Sasori, Deidara, and Hidan were. "Fix her." She ordered, forcing me on the couch in between Sasori and Hidan.

Sasori raised his eyebrow at me and then looked at Kathryn. He saw something in her expression that made his eyes narrow and he looked at me. "What's wrong with you?"

I sighed and face-palmed. "Honestly. Can we just leave Alice alone?"

Hidan curled his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him. "What's up with you, bitch? Is it that fucking time of the month?"

"I'm _fine_ Hidan. I just spent seven hours doing extreme planning. And to be frank, I'm tired and cranky and if you guys don't leave me alone, I might kill you." I growled, frowning further when Hidan wrapped that arm around my neck to keep me still.

Kisame frowned at me. "Alice."

I sighed. "What Kisame?" I asked looking at him.

"Talk." He ordered.

I rolled my eyes and changed the subject. "Where are the others?"

"Zetsu is eating." Kisame stated, sighing at my subject change. "Kakuzu and Itachi went on a supply run." He frowned as he remembered something. "Come to think of it, Itachi looked rather upset too before he left."

I winced, remembering Itachi's expression.

"Did you guys fight?" Kathryn asked, sitting on the table in front of me.

"No we didn't fight." I frowned. "I don't know what's up with him. I'll ask him when he gets back. Now can you all leave me alone?"

"Nope, un." Deidara chimed.

"Not until you talk." Sasori stated.

"There's nothing to talk about Sasori." I growled. "I'm just pooped okay?"

Kathryn glared. "I don't believe you."

"That's your problem." I snapped. I got to my feet, pushing Hidan's arm off me. "I'm going to my room."

I went to walk away from the room was stopped when Kisame picked me up. He carried me back to the living room and to the couch where he plopped back into his spot and held me in his lap. "Tell me what's bothering you Alice."

I glared at him. "Let me go Kisame or I'll scream."

"Scream." He challenged me, looking utterly serious. "I'm not letting you go until you tell me what's wrong with you."

Honestly.

Can't they get the hint that I don't want to talk about it?

It's not like any of them would understand anyways.

It's just me being paranoid and overly concerned.

And so I clamped my mouth shut, crossed my arms and looked away from them.

"Alice." Sasori said in a warning tone. "Don't act like a child."

He received a middle finger.

Hidan heaved himself off the couch and stood in front of me, putting his face inches from mine. I just narrowed my eyes and glared at him.

"What's wrong bitch?" He asked. "Fucking tell me."

I continued to stare at him in silence.

"Alice, un." Deidara stated getting off of the couch to join Hidan in front of me. "I'll get you a puppy if you tell me, yeah."

I frowned. "Not going to work."

"He got you to talk though." Kisame stated.

"Shut up you damn shark." I snapped. "Let me go."

He shook his head. "No."

I wiggled in his grip, trying to break his iron hold on me. I managed nothing. Stupid muscular shark… "I'm telling Itachi you guys are hurting me."

"We'll tell him you're lying." Sasori countered, shrugging.

"I'll bribe him." I challenged.

"Do it." He encouraged, narrowing his eyes at me.

I sighed in slight defeat. "I hate all of you."

Kathryn hugged me. "Alice, we're just concerned."

Kisame nodded and kissed the side of my head. "Really Alice, all you have to do is tell us. Then you'll feel better and I'll let you go."

"Shut up Kisame." I growled. I felt bad for being so mean to him, but I really wasn't in the mood. I'd have to make it up to them tomorrow. "Get off of me."

Hidan poked my cheek and frowned at me. His usually crazy eyes had a hint of concern in them. "Talk bitch."

"Tell us what's up Alice, un." Deidara encouraged.

"Mind your own damned business." I barked, my voice showing my irritation. If they didn't let me go soon, I would snap. "Let me go right now."

"No." All of them said in unison.

"Let her go." Itachi ordered, gaining everyone's attention. He was back now and his Sharingan was activated as he glared around at the occupants of the room with murderous intent. "What are you doing to her?"

"Something's wrong with Alice and she won't tell us, un." Deidara explained, crossing his arms. Kisame released me when Itachi gave him a particularly nasty glare and I walked away from him and to the weasel.

Itachi frowned. "If she doesn't want to tell you then she doesn't have to." He grabbed my hand when I reached him and squeezed it gently. "Leave her alone."

"Aren't you concerned?" Kathryn asked, putting her hands on her hips and glaring back at Itachi. "We were just trying to help. If you love her as much as you claim, you should be just as concerned as we are Itachi."

"Don't talk to him like that Kathryn." I growled. Nobody spoke to my weasel like that. "Or I'll kick your ass. I don't talk to Deidara like that."

"Well excuse me for being concerned about my best friend." Kathryn snapped. "He hasn't even asked you what's wrong. He doesn't seem concerned enough to me."

"He's only been in the fucking room for like thirty Jashin-damned seconds Kathryn." I retorted. "And he walked into to you guys interrogating me."

"Well, we are worried!" Kathryn barked. "He should be helping us!"

"Excuse him for not wanting to pester me." I snapped. "Don't even fucking get me started Kathryn. I'll fucking murder you."

"I am concerned Kathryn, but Alice will speak when she wants to. You cannot force her into talking." Itachi said calmly. He never raised his voice towards Kathryn, and I could see that he was trying very hard not to.

"Yes you can." Sasori countered calmly. Leave it to him to be the most stoic person here.

Kathryn glared at Itachi. "I don't approve of anyone that makes Alice said. And I bet you're the reason she's so upset."

"Kathryn, shut the hell up." I snarled. "Why are you being so nosey?"

"Because the last boyfriend you had beat the hell out of you for fun on a daily basis!" Kathryn snapped. "So I'm a little skeptical about the others? Can you blame me?"

"Yes I can." I stated. "Itachi wouldn't do shit like that."

"You said the same thing about Adam." Kathryn retorted. "And what happens the next day? He puts you in the hospital."

I glared. "Why are you bringing all of this up now? So I'm a little upset? It's nothing I can't handle Kathryn. Shall I bring up all of your past mistakes too?"

The others were looking between each other, appearing awkward and uncomfortable as they simmered in the tense atmosphere Kathryn and I were creating.

Oh hell no.

I wasn't going to start drama.

I _hate_ drama.

I held up my hand when Kathryn made to retort. "Shut up Kathryn." I sighed. "I'll talk to you later okay? I'm not in the mood for it right now. I'll be fine. We can discuss this tomorrow."

She frowned at me. "But…"

"No." I snapped. "I'm sorry for acting like a bitch but I'm really not in the mood for any deep emotional conversations right now. I promise you that I'm fine. If you're really that concerned, I'll talk to you personally tomorrow."

Kisame frowned at me. "Itachi, is there a reason you looked upset earlier as well? I doubt it's just a coincidence that both of you are troubled."

Itachi stared at Kisame. "Mind your own business Kisame." He squeezed my hand. "Come on Alice."

I sighed. "Right." I shot a glance towards the other members before following Itachi to our room. He opened the door and waited for me to enter before closing the door behind us. Once the door was shut he walked to me and wrapped his arms around me.

I responded by burying my face into his chest and wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Alice." He sighed.

"What's wrong Itachi?" I asked. "Please tell me what's made you so upset earlier. It's been driving me crazy all day."

He blinked and looked down at me. "So that's what is bothering you? You're concerned about me?"

"Of course I am." I scoffed, frowning at him. "How could I not be? That expression you made earlier before I left and the tone of voice you used has been haunting me all damn day. Itachi, talk to me."

He rested his forehead against mine. "I don't want you to leave me so soon." He kissed me. "You only just returned and you're going to leave soon. And there's no telling how long you will be gone."

I stared at him. "That's what you're upset about?"

He frowned. "How could I not be upset about it? I do love you. And I despise being away from you for even a few hours."

I hugged him tighter. "Don't worry. I talked to Pein and Madara today. I managed to convince them to allow me to stay here until Hidan and Kakuzu go after Naruto. They're to travel and get the two tails on their own. Tobi will take me to meet up with them once they are inside the land of fire."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Good."

I smiled into his cloaked chest. "You should have just told me Itachi."

"I'm sorry I worried you." He breathed.

"Please tell me whatever you're feeling from now on." I sighed. "I love you Itachi."

Itachi ran his hands through my hair as he held me. "I love you Alice." He kissed my head. "Is that all that was bothering you?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"So about the conversation we were having earlier…" He began. "What do you mean I'm selfless?"

"Oh come on Itachi. Don't play dumb with me." I frowned. "I know what you did for the village and I know what you've done and what you were planning to do for Sasuke." I pulled away from him to grab his face. "Itachi, I have never met anyone more selfless than you are."

He looked down.

"Are you okay with throwing your plans away?" I asked, biting my lip. "Are you okay with tossing aside everything you've done for Sasuke just for me?"

His eyes narrowed and he actually looked angry. "Do you honestly think I could leave you Alice? Do you think that I would ever consider leaving you after falling in love with you as I have? You are mine and I am yours Alice. And it will stay that way forever if I have anything to say about it."

"I know how much Sasuke means to you though, Itachi." I stated.

He nodded. "I love Sasuke more than just about anything. However, my love for him could never compete with the love I have for you. I will never give you up Alice."

I looked down. "You threw away everything for him though and now you're planning on doing it in vain just because of me. I feel bad."

"Don't." He ordered. "This was my choice. If I didn't love you as much as I did, I wouldn't have considered canceling my plans for Sasuke. But you are worth it Alice. As cheesy as it might sound, you are worth _everything_."

I looked into his eyes, stroking his perfect face with my thumb. "I love you Itachi."

He smiled and kissed me. "I love you."

"So what are you going to do about Sasuke. I won't let you kill your brother." I stated, resting my cheek on his chest. "You're going to have to tell him the truth though."

Itachi tensed and looked away. "We'll figure it out when the time draws closer."

"Fair enough." I nodded and looked up at him as I kissed him. "Wanna cuddle?"

He kissed me back as he squeezed me in a hug, smiling cutely. "With you? Nothing could stop me from doing so."

* * *

_So, does anyone else hate this chapter as much as I do?_

_Alice is acting weird. What could be the issue?_

_**Fun Fact:** Brett had a twin brother named Nathanial, usually called Nate. Nate died of Leukemia when they were seventeen._

Answer: _I think the best would be Hidan or Deidara. Itachi is too stoic and Konan just doesn't fit the part. The reason I asked that question is because Sethy-Poo insisted that Konan would be a good exotic dancer. I say not as much as the two crazy guys because Konan is older, she's proper, and she's the most stoic/badas female in the entire show._

**QotC: **_If you could have a summoning, which animal would you choose? You know, like Naruto summons toads and Orochimaru summons snakes. Any animal. Even the weird ones Pein summons. Tell me why too._

_I honestly just make these questions up off the top of my head. It's getting a little difficult to keep them somewhat related to the show._

_To address one of my reviewers, as far as I know, this website is 100% free. You can donate money, but otherwise it's free. If it cost money, I wouldn't be on it._

_To address the rest of you lovely people, I want to thank you for all of the reviews and whatnot. I appreciate them so much._

_Father's day is coming up. I'm taking my dad out to the movies with my brother. (He's paying because I won a bet) And Brat, good luck on Sunday._

_Check ya later. (If anyone can tell me what movie that is from, I'll fucking love you forever. You will get a gift.)_


	43. Chapter 43

_Yeah, 8 pages. Deal with it._

_I'm tired as shit and I'm not editing the typos and grammatical error right now._

_I'll do it later._

_Enjoy the chapter of which I own nothing beside Alice and Kathryn._

* * *

"Alright, you and the skinny bitch need to fucking talk." Hidan snapped. He was sitting at the table in the kitchen, watching me make dinner. Itachi was sitting a few seats away from him, reading. He looked away from the book he was reading to glare at Hidan.

"Leave her alone Hidan." Itachi warned, his stoic voice was laced with a hidden threat.

Hidan frowned. "Shut the hell up Uchiha. Alice and Kathryn haven't said a damned word to each other for the past two fucking days."

I looked at Hidan. "Hidan, be quiet. It'll be fine. Why do you care anyways? It's a lot quieter in my opinion without her screaming for me to kill one of you anyways."

"Yeah, but it's fucking awkward and I'm getting bored!" He pouted.

"He has a point you know." Sasori commented, entering the kitchen. He stopped beside me to look at me. "You should talk to her."

"Why do I have to go out of my way to talk to her? Why can't she come to me?" I wondered. "I always have to do the complicated shit while she just hugs Deidara."

Sasori frowned at me. "Hey, don't get bitter."

"Then stop telling me what to do." I muttered, stirring rice.

"Alice." He scolded.

"Don't scold me Sasori." I sighed. "I'm busy. Leave me alone."

Sasori looked at Itachi. "What's wrong with her?"

Itachi stared at him. "You're all jumping down her throat."

"Do not take that in a dirty context, Hidan." I growled, looking over my shoulder at the Jashinist who was smiling just as I has expected. He huffed angrily when I caught him.

"Well anyways, talk to the brat." Sasori told me.

"She started it." I retorted. "She can approach me first. I give up. I'm not trying to talk anything out with people anymore. The only one who doesn't make it their business to piss me off is Itachi." I looked around at Sasori. "And Kisame."

Sasori crossed his arms. "Alice, you're the mature one. You should prove it by being the bigger person and confronting her first."

"Why don't you go and tell that to someone who cares?" I stated. "I am trying to make dinner for you people. She's _your_ brat. You're _her_ Danna. Go and lecture her."

"You've been getting angry easily." Sasori paused. "Well, easier than usual."

"So what?" I scoffed. "I have mood swings like it's my job. Are you honestly surprised I'm irritated? She jumped down my throat when I clearly told all of you to leave me alone. I've been getting angry and I don't know why. Usually when I have my mood swings, I'm capable of relating it to something later on, but for the past few days I've been at a loss as to why I'm so hostile. I'm getting angry explaining this too you too."

Why am I getting so angry about all of this?

What has gotten into me?

I haven't acted like this in years.

Itachi got up from his seat and walked over to me. He wrapped one arm around my waist while his other curled over my shoulders as he pulled me into a hug. "Stop lecturing her Sasori. Your charge is Kathryn, not Alice."

I sighed into Itachi's chest, wrapping my own arms around his waist and squeezing him thankfully. "I'm sorry Sasori. I'll go and talk to her once I'm done making dinner. I'm sorry for snapping at you. I have no idea why I got so angry."

"Because you're a fucking psycho." Hidan commented.

Itachi frowned. "Alice, you don't have to do that."

"It's fine Itachi." I stated. "I shouldn't have reacted like that. I don't know what's wrong with me but it's no excuse for my behavior."

Sasori watched me with narrowed eyes. "I have noticed a drastic change in your behavior since we've returned from our mission. You seem more stressed than usual. Are you alright Alice? You've also been very tense."

I looked at him. "I'm fine. I don't know what has gotten into me." I sighed and pulled away from Itachi. I gave him a kiss of thanks before finishing up dinner.

Once I was done I set the table and called for the others. I waited at the door of the kitchen and I sighed when Kathryn walked down the hallway with Deidara. He smiled at me as usual and didn't fight me when I grabbed Kathryn's hand and pulled her away from the kitchen.

The second I was sure we weren't going to be overheard, I looked at Kathryn. "Is there a reason we aren't talking to each other?"

She cocked her head to the side at me. "I thought you were mad at me."

I shook my head. "Not at all. I thought you were mad at me."

"No." She stated, smiling. "So… why haven't we talked to each other?"

"I have no idea." I sighed before smirking, bowing in a cheesy fashion and holding out my hand for her to take. "Would you do me the honor of joining me in killing the awkward tension between us and the others and annoying the shit out of people?"

Kathryn scoffed and took my offered hand. "My dear I thought you'd never ask! I'd be honored!" We both laughed and hugged.

"So you really weren't mad at me?" I asked, still hugging her.

"Nope. I can never stay mad at my Momma." She told me. "I assumed you were mad at me for acting like a bitch the other day."

"Well I was, but only for like a minute. It didn't last." I confessed.

"So what were you all sad about?" She wondered.

I shrugged. "Itachi was upset and I didn't really have the time to talk about it with him before I went to plan with Pein. We sorted it out though so we're both fine."

She patted my head. "You need a stress ball."

I rolled my eyes. "Go and eat dinner you weirdo."

"Okay!" She said cheerfully, releasing me so she could skip to the kitchen. I followed after her at normal pace. I entered the room to see her attacking Deidara, who was doing his best not to drop his food and Kathryn.

"Kathryn, let him walk." I sighed.

She pouted but dropped from her koala-cling. "But he's so cute…"

Deidara chuckled and kissed her forehead. "Just let me walk to the table, un. Then you can cling to me all you want yeah."

She grinned. "I freaking love you." She bounced behind him until he set down his stuff and then glomped him the second he turned to face her. He caught her skillfully and wrapped his arms around her as she curled her legs around his waist.

Sasori sighed and rested his chin on his knuckles. "Save it for your bedroom brats. Some people are trying to eat."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh leave them alone Sasori. No need to be jealous. I'm sure if you asked, Kathryn would do the same to you."

"You're damn right I would." Kathryn scoffed, looking over her shoulder to grin at Sasori as she clung to Deidara.

"See?" I said, gesturing at her.

Sasori glared at me. "Shut up Alice."

"Awe, no sarcastic comeback?" I questioned. "I confess disappointment."

"You know your mood changes so fucking much." Hidan grumbled. "I don't know how the Uchiha can fucking keep up."

Itachi looked at Hidan. "Hidan, shut up."

"Oi! Fuck you Uchiha." Hidan snapped.

I sighed. "You're all idiots."

"Hey." Kakuzu protested.

"Correction." I reiterated. "Most of you are you are idiots. I exclude Itachi, Kakuzu, Kisame, Zetsu, Pein, Konan, and Tobi."

"How the fuck do you exclude _Tobi_?" Kathryn demanded.

"Why am I lumped in with the idiots, un?" Deidara asked.

I raised my eyebrow at him. He stared at me for a moment before sighing and realizing that I had a point. I had to laugh.

"I exclude Tobi because he is at least a helpful idiot. The rest of you aren't." I confessed.

"Fuck you Alice!" Hidan snapped.

Sasori stared at me. "Alice, I think you want to fight me. I really do."

"You know, I'm getting that vibe too." Kathryn agreed. "Danna's right. Do you want to fight us Alice?"

"I'll fight you any damn day of the week." I nodded. "Sasori, not so much. Deidara, yeah I'll fight you." I looked at Hidan. "Kakuzu told me that he wanted to fight you for me."

Kakuzu chuckled. "Fair enough."

Hidan got to his feet. "No, I fucking want to fight you bitch."

I blinked. "Alright Hidan, let's fight."

"I do not think that is a good idea." Itachi stated.

"I'll go easy on him." I assured Itachi, kissing his cheek.

"That isn't my concern." He sighed.

I grinned and looked to Hidan. "Alright asshole, where are we doing this?"

He paused to think. "Indoor training grounds."

"Deal." I nodded. I jumped on him. "Carry me."

He grunted when I jumped on his back. "Fucking crazy bitch."

"And you want to fight this craziness." I reminded him as he carried me from the room.

All of the occupants of the room followed us. I'd have to clean up their dinner mess anyways so it didn't really matter.

"Hidan, I want you to know that if you hurt her, I'll kill you." Kisame commented from behind us. I gave him a smile over my shoulder.

Hidan removed one of his hands from holding me up to flip Kisame off. "Fuck off fishfuck." He pinched my ass. "She fucking started this shit."

I punched him in the back of the head. "Ouch, you fucking asshole!"

He started cackling, dropping me to run away from me.

"Get back here dickless!" I snapped, getting ready to run after him.

Itachi grabbed my hand before I could run after him. "Save your energy Alice." He pulled me back to him. "What did he do to you?"

"He pinched my ass." I growled. "That dick is going down."

Hidan turned around to grin at us at the end of the hallway. "And it was fucking worth it too! You've got a nice ass Alice!"

Itachi's eyes narrowed. "I will kill him."

"Get in line." I grumbled. "I hate you Hidan!"

He was laughing as he entered the indoor training grounds that were rarely used. We usually did it outside to get away from each other. Plus, fresh air was a wonderful investment.

Taking advantage that his back was towards me, I sprinted towards him and tackled him to the ground, punching him straight in the balls as soon as I got a clear shot. He swore loudly and rolled around, holding himself.

"That was a fucking cheap shot!" He coughed.

"And pinching my ass was unacceptable." I nodded. "We're even. Or should I pinch your dick clean off?"

Sasori sighed at us. "She's so violent."

"You're damn right I am." I agreed, looking back at him.

Big mistake.

Hidan took advantage of my attention being on Sasori and tackled me, pinning me to the ground beneath him.

I head-butted his nose and caused blood to poor from it. "Ha! Take that fucker."

He grinned evilly. "I love it! Don't hold back! Do whatever the fuck you want!"

"Oh shit." I muttered. "He's gone crazy!"

"INTERVENTION!" Kathryn screamed, jumping on Hidan.

"No you idiot!" I shouted. As soon as she landed on Hidan, his arms and knees buckled in shock under her sudden weight and his entire bodyweight plus Kathryn's came crashing down into me, crushing my boobs.

"Ouch damn it!" I coughed. "Having 240 pounds landing directly on your boobs does not feel good." I winced and coughed again. "I don't recommend it to anyone."

Hidan was laughing as he wiped the blood from his face, licking it off his hand. "If only I could do my fucking ritual." He shivered with excitement. "I wonder how someone without chakra would fare in my ritual…"

"Um…" I stated awkwardly. "This is awkward."

Kathryn wrapped her arms around Hidan's neck. "NO JASHIN!"

"You dumbass." I sighed.

"What?" Hidan shouted, getting to his knees in order to grab Kathryn. "Don't say Jashin-sama's name so fucking casually!" He grabbed her by her shirt and flipped her over his shoulder, allowing her to land loudly on her back.

She winced. "Ouchies."

I shook my head and tackled Hidan. I straddled him as I started poking him, searching for a ticklish spot. I found them on his sides. "AHHA! He's ticklish!"

Hidan laughed, trying to wiggle away from me. "KNOCK IT OFF YOU BITCH!"

"Deal with it asshole." I snickered.

A strange look jumped in his eye and he stared at me. I stopped tickling him instantly, sensing danger. "Uh… Hidan?"

He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me off of him so I was face first in the ground. He then rolled on top of me and began digging his knuckles into my back, snickering loudly.

Yeah, people touching your back like that when you have a bad back like me does not feel good at all.

I hissed in pain. "Ouch dickhead don't fucking do that."

Kathryn kicked Hidan in the chest, knocking him off of me. She yelped when he grabbed her leg and brought her to the ground. She yelped again when he began squeezing her kneecap.

"Oi!" I barked. I made to jump on his back, but a blond blur beat me to it.

"Leave her alone, un!" Deidara ordered, grinning as he linebacker tackled Hidan.

Kathryn scrambled away from Hidan when the Jashinist turned on Deidara.

"Kathryn, stay out of this." I snickered, jumping on the pair.

"And she calls us idiots…" Sasori sighed, shaking his head at our antics.

Itachi chuckled. "Deidara and Hidan won't hurt her."

I locked onto Hidan, curling my arm around his neck and wrapping my legs around his waist from behind. "Get him Deidara!"

Deidara made to attack Hidan but was stopped by Kathryn who decided to join anyways. She jumped on Deidara. "I wanna play!"

Deidara grinned at her. "Get him then, un."

"I wanna get you though." She pouted, hugging him. Deidara chuckled and hugged her back, kissing her.

I stopped choking Hidan as Kathryn and Deidara ruined the moment by being loving. I looked at him, removing my arm from around his throat. He glanced at me and he grinned evilly.

Yeah, I knew what he was planning.

I nodded.

His grin widened.

"You get the fucker, I'll get the bitch." Hidan told me.

"Deal." I agreed. "Oi Deidara!"

He looked away from Kathryn just in time to watch me tackle the shit out of him. Hidan grabbed Kathryn by her ankles and dragged her away from us. I bent Deidara's arm behind his back, laughing when he was frozen stiff in surprise at my sudden attack.

**Third Person!**

"Where do they get all that energy?" Kisame chuckled, watching Alice bite Deidara's shoulder when he bit her exposed knuckles with his hand-mouth.

"I have no idea." Sasori sighed, watching Hidan torture Kathryn by pressing one of his knees into her gut and bending her legs awkwardly.

"Damn bitch, you're fucking flexible. No wonder Deidara-chan likes you so much." Hidan cackled.

"Shut up Hidan, un!" Deidara shouted, looking away from Alice's assault to glare at the Jashinist. He regretted it a second later when Alice grabbed his leg and flipped him on his back. He curled his leg around her and pinned her to the ground beneath it. She bit his thigh in retaliation.

Kakuzu shook his head. "I never expected her to be so into hand-to-hand combat…"

Sasori glanced at him. "She loves wrestling with Deidara. I have to literally pry them off of each other whenever they do."

"I am more concerned for Kathryn." Itachi commented. "Hidan is rather unpredictable and violent. Deidara has a sense of decency while Hidan does not."

"I won't let him hurt her." Sasori stated, waving off Itachi's worry. "If it gets too rough, I'll step in."

"Ouch un!" Deidara grunted, laughing. "Don't do that Alice, yeah!"

Alice laughed. "Focus then!" She grinned evilly and cracked her knuckles before punching Deidara in the chest. He grabbed her hand and flipped her around so her back was pressed against his chest. He wrapped her arm around her neck and held her in place.

"Bingo." Alice smiled. She kicked herself off the ground and launched her body over Deidara's before knocking him to the ground, her arm that he was holding wrapped around his neck now that she was free. "Take that Blondie."

"Hey un!" Deidara pouted. "You planned that, yeah!"

"So?" She asked. "You're predictable. What can I say?"

"That was actually a good move." Sasori stated, nodding.

Kisame agreed. "I wasn't expecting her to do that."

"And meanwhile, Kathryn is biting a huge chunk out of Hidan's arm." Kakuzu sighed.

"Brat, no biting!" Sasori scolded.

"But he grabbed my boob Danna!" Kathryn protested, releasing Hidan.

Alice and Deidara both stopped fighting and turned around in unison to glare at Hidan. "What(un)?" They demanded together.

"Uh oh." Kathryn stated, backing away from the Jashinist.

Alice got up, offering Deidara a hand. He took it and then they both rounded on Hidan. Hidan started laughing and jumped to his feet, running at them, ready for a fight.

"Perhaps we should stop them." Itachi stated. "I have a feeling this is going to get extremely violent. We all know how Alice gets when Kathryn's protection is involved."

"Give them a minute." Sasori said, shaking his head. "They're still playing at this point. The second it turns into an actual fight, we'll step in." He looked at Kathryn. "Come here brat."

She pouted and walked over to him. "Fighting is painful Danna."

"Yeah, that's the point." He told her with a sigh. "Just rest a bit. We'll stop their antics in a minute."

"Hidan, un!" Deidara snapped. "Don't do that!"

"She bit me!" Hidan barked.

"You don't have to bite her back, yeah." Deidara growled, punching Hidan in the chest.

Alice flexed her still healing knuckles. "That's a shitty place to bite someone." She shook her hand. "I think you broke the stitches."

"Suck it up bitch." Hidan snickered, grabbing her and flipping her around so he could put her in a headlock. He wrapped his legs around her waist and flexed.

A loud series of continuous cracks sounded from Alice's back and she hissed in pain. Hidan stopped fighting instantly when he heard them and Deidara's eyes widened with concern and worry. He ripped Hidan off of Alice just as Itachi and Kisame appeared on the scene.

Alice laid there, her eyes gazing up at the ceiling blankly.

"Alice!" Itachi stated. "Alice, are you okay?"

Alice blinked and looked at him, torn out of her stupor. She smiled brightly. "That felt fucking awesome!" She sat up suddenly and looked around at Hidan. "Do that again!"

"Oh god, she really is a Jashinist…" Kathryn whimpered.

Alice laughed and shook her head. "It didn't hurt a bit. I've needed to crack my back for the past week and he finally did it." She grinned. "I feel so much better."

Hidan raised his eyebrows at her with uncertainty. "So, was cracking your back a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It was a fucking good thing." She praised. "Thank you asshole."

"You're welcome…?" He stated.

Alice looked at Itachi and kissed him. "That was fun. We should do that more often."

"You should let Sasori look at your hand." Itachi sighed, shaking his head at her.

**First Person Alice!**

I pouted. "Fine." I stood up and stretched, enjoying the easier movement now that my back was cracked. I presented my hand to the puppet. "Hidan fucking bit me."

"On your wounded knuckles?" Sasori questioned, frowning at Hidan. "Disgusting barbarian." Hidan flipped him off.

I laughed. "Good Sasori."

"I seriously thought you were turning into Hidan just now, un." Deidara laughed. "You scared me a bit when you said the cracks in your back felt awesome yeah."

"They did." I assured him. "It's like taking a shit load of tension out of my back. I know people say it's unhealthy, but my doctor said that if it relieved some of my pain then I can do it. Since my back is so fucked up, I need as much relief as I can get."

"That doctor sounds like an idiot." Kakuzu commented.

"Yeah…" I nodded. "They all are."

Itachi curled his arm around my waist as Sasori inspected my hand. He kissed the side of my head. "You get so into fighting."

I shrugged. "Deidara is fun to wrestle with."

Deidara chuckled. "Right back at you Alice, yeah."

Sasori sighed. "Hidan broke some of the stitches." He looked at Kakuzu. "Kakuzu?"

"I've got it." Kakuzu nodded as he walked over to me. He took my small hand in his massive ones and inspected it before withdrawing tweezers from his cloak to put out the useless stitches. I watched with moderate interest as he worked.

"Ew, how can you sit there and watch him?" Kathryn asked. "That looks so painful."

"Nothing is painful to me anymore." I scoffed. Orochimaru's torture will always and forever take the cake for physical pain.

Hidan patted my head. "That's my crazy bitch."

I smiled and rolled my eyes, shaking my head at his antics. "That's right Hidan."

Kisame smacked Hidan in the back of the head. "It's your fault you dumbass."

Hidan winced. "Ouch asshole."

"Quit it." I sighed. "Leave Kisame alone, Hidan."

"He smacked me!" Hidan shouted.

"I can't be mean to Kisame." I told him with a raised eyebrow as if it was obvious. It should have been by now. "You get the short end of the stick when he's involved." Kisame snickered and stuck his tongue out at Hidan before kissing the top of my head.

"My Alice." Kisame said proudly.

"I begged to differ." Itachi said calmly, holding my good hand in both of his. He was stroking my hand as if trying to memorize or smooth it. He looked away from his memorization/smoothing to look at Kisame.

"Oh Jashin, here they go again." I sighed as my weasel and shark began bickering.

Kathryn giggled. "They're so goofy."

"Like yours are any better." I scoffed.

She paused and looked at both Sasori and Deidara for a moment before looking back at me. "Good point."

Sasori smacked her gently in the back of the head. "Shut up brat."

She pouted. "Dei, Danna is being mean to me."

Deidara glared at Sasori. "Leave her alone old man, hmm!"

"Wanna say that again brat?" Sasori growled, turning to Deidara threateningly.

Deidara grinned. "Bring it un."

Kakuzu sighed. "I'm surrounded by idiots."

* * *

_Me too Kakuzu. Me too._

_Anyways, I'm super duper tired as my pre-chapter author's not told you. Why? I don't know.  
_

_**Fun Fact:** Alice and I can't stand steaks. Itachi can't either. That's something they have in common._

Answer: _What was the question again? Oh yeah, summons. It assumed it would be obvious by now. Like the majority of you, I would also summon wolves. And if I couldn't summon those, I want a fucking dragon._

**QotC: **_What is your favorite mystical animal? Btw, it took me like ten tries to find the Q in QotC because I was too lazy to move my hand over._

_Yeah, I'm going to go back to sleep even though it's almost 1:00 pm here._

_Toodles, lovelies. Oh and btw, "Check ya later" is a quote from my favorite character from the movie Dazed and Confused. Slater is epic. Go and watch the movie._

_Now I really mean it. Bye._


	44. Chapter 44

_I'm updating early with a long chapter because I feel it's necessary._

_Friday is my niece's birthday so the likelihood of me posting then is 50/50._

_No, it isn't Kathryn's birthday today. But, in the story timeline, it is._

_Deal with it. _

_Enjoy that which I do not own... Which is Naruto in case you're wondering._

* * *

Bitches, it is Kathryn's birthday.

I glanced at my weasel who was sleeping beside me and rolled over to stare at his face. I was literally inches from him, waiting for him to feel me staring at him and wake up.

I moved only my lips and pecked his.

He returned it sleepily and opened his eyes a few seconds later.

"Alice." He muttered.

"Good morning baby." I smiled. "I'm getting up. You can still sleep if you want though."

He raised his eyebrow. "Why are you getting up?"

"It's Kathryn's birthday." I told him. "I'm going to make breakfast. Deidara and I have already planned to do something later with just the four of us. You, Deidara, Kathryn, and I are going out."

Itachi stretched and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. "I'll get up with you. But I need some motivation."

"Get up with me so we can brush our teeth so I can make out with you." I offered.

"That is motivation." He nodded quietly. He kissed my forehead and released me so I could get up. We brushed our teeth, and as I promised, we played some tonsil hockey.

That just isn't even fun to talk about.

Moving on…

So Itachi went to the kitchen with me and he sat at the table while I made all of Kathryn's favorite foods. She likes French toast, pancakes, waffles, and home-fries so that is what I made her.

My non-biological child/sister gets whatever she wants on her birthday.

And so help me, if _anyone_ is mean to her today, I'll sacrifice them to Jashin.

So, once breakfast was ready, I wiped my hands off, kissed Itachi for a bit and then left him in the kitchen to go and get Sasori.

One thing is always tradition during birthdays.

Kathryn isn't allowed to buy me a present unless I get her one. And vice versa. Usually, the only days we get each other stuff are Christmas and our best friend anniversary.

Yeah, we're difficult.

Live with it.

Anyways, after being permitted entrance into Sasori's room I walked in and sat on his bed, giving him a look over.

"What?" He asked dully.

"Do you know what today is?" I asked.

He raised his eyebrow. "Thursday?"

"It's Kathryn's birthday." I stated.

Sasori dipped his head. "Deidara mentioned it last night. So?"

"There's something I need you to do." I stated. "It will make her day. Call it a gift from you to her on her birthday."

"What is it?" He wondered.

"Tell her you love her." I said calmly.

He raised an eyebrow again. "What?"

"You heard me Sasori." I sighed. "If you want to make her the happiest person in the world, tell her you love her because I know you do. Don't you dare deny it."

Sasori sighed. "I feel no emotions Alice."

"Liar." I snapped. "Just tell her. Come on Sasori, it's only three little words. Four if you add brat like you usually do." I pouted. "Please? I'll owe you."

"Fine." He said calmly. "I'll be taking you up on your debt too."

I rolled my eyes. "Fair enough. I'll even make her come in here on her own so you don't get embarrassed by the other guys."

"How will you know I told her then?" He wondered.

I smirked. "Trust me, I'll know."

"Very well. I will tell her." Sasori rolled his eyes. "Shall we wake them up?"

"Duh!" I smiled, darting to their door. I paused. "Wait. What if they're naked…?"

He chuckled. "Well, you won't know unless you see for yourself."

"Shit." I hissed. I opened the door connecting their rooms and peeked inside. Deidara had his shirt off and Kathryn was wearing it. He was wearing pants though. "Coast is clear!" I threw open the door with a bang and leapt onto their bed.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATHRYN!" I cheered, jumping on her and wrapping her up in a hug. Deidara yelled in surprise and rolled off the bed to avoid danger. Sasori stood in the doorway, chuckling at us.

Kathryn yelped at first, but when she caught up to what was happening, she beamed at me. "Thank you Momma!"

"I have breakfast already made for you dear." I smiled, hugging her still. "I made your favorites. Get dressed and we'll go eat." She nodded and I released her, rolling over the mattress until I reached the edge. I smirked, looking at the floor. "Good morning Deidara."

He grunted. "Good morning Alice, un."

"Dei, hurry up and get dressed so we can go and eat!" Kathryn stated, flopping on the bed beside me to look down at Deidara.

"I'll just go out like this, un." He sighed. He opened his eyes and lifted himself off the floor enough to kiss Kathryn. "Happy birthday baby, un."

She grinned. "It's the best birthday ever so far. It's my first birthday with my Dei and Danna." Deidara got off the floor and scooped her up, carrying her out of the room. I snickered at them and followed after them with Sasori.

Itachi dipped his head at Kathryn and Deidara when they entered. "Good morning. Happy birthday Kathryn."

She smiled. "Thanks Itachi." She gawked at all the food when Deidara set her down. "Oh my goodness Momma, did you rob a store?"

I coughed guiltily and looked away from her. "No."

Sasori smirked knowingly.

Itachi rolled his eyes and kissed my forehead. "Thank you for breakfast Alice."

"You're very welcome." I raised my eyebrow, noticing a lack of shark in the kitchen. "Where's Kisame?"

A second later, a snicker was heard and I was lifted off the ground in a shark-hug.

"Found him." I smiled, turning around in his embrace to hug him properly. "Good morning Kisame."

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. "Morning." He looked to Kathryn. "Happy birthday Kathryn." Kisame dipped his head at her when she thanked him and he set me down on the counter. He left me there after fucking up my hair and went to the table to eat.

"Jerk." I pouted. "Messing up my hair."

Kisame grinned at me. "I like the sex hair look."

I smirked. "You would, wouldn't you?"

Itachi cleared his throat. "Kisame."

"Just teasing Itachi." Kisame snickered, patting him gently on the back. "Morning Kakuzu."

Kakuzu grunted. "Morning." His Christmas colored eyes landed on Kathryn as he sat at the table. "Happy birthday, kid."

She smiled. "Thanks Kuzu!"

"Tobi wishes Kathryn-chan a happy birthday!" Tobi cried, sprinting into the room and landing on top of Kathryn's lap. She giggled and hugged him.

"Thanks Tobi!" Kathryn giggled. "I love you buddy!"

"Tobi loves Kathryn-chan too!" Tobi exclaimed. "Tobi loves Deidara-senpai as well!"

Deidara just glared at the overactive lollipop.

"He's so cute." Kathryn smiled when Tobi let her go to gather his food.

"**I find him annoying.** Be nice." Zetsu said as he entered the kitchen. "Happy birthday Kathryn. **What he said.**"

"Thanks Zetsu. I appreciate it." Kathryn smiled.

I smiled at her happiness and looked over the occupants of the room, noticing that Sasori and Deidara kept looking at her as if to make sure she was all smiles. They're so sweet.

And Hidan came trudging in tiredly a few moments later.

"Morning fuckers. Happy birthday you skinny bitch." Hidan growled, tossing himself into a seat beside Kakuzu. "Hey, crazy bitch, get me some food."

I glared. "It's in front of you Hidan."

"Your point?" He wondered.

I got off the counter. "I hate you." I gathered him some food and set it in front of him. Then I slammed his face straight into the syrup covered pancakes on his plate. "Enjoy your breakfast you asshole."

Kathryn started laughing. "Nice one Alice!"

Kisame and Deidara gave me a high five as Hidan lifted his face out of the food. He turned his head slowly to face me before grabbing his plate and tossing what was on it at me.

It hit me, which prompted more laughs.

But it also hit Kakuzu and Kisame.

Kakuzu calmly lowered his foodless chopsticks from his mouth before stabbing them into Hidan's thigh. Kisame grabbed the syrup and dumped it on Hidan's head in retaliation.

"Oh fuck no!" I sighed over Hidan's swearing. "I'm not cleaning this shit up!"

"Oh it is fucking ON!" Hidan shouted, tossing his drink at Kisame and kicking Kakuzu's drink off the table and onto Zetsu. His own drink splashed Itachi.

Itachi's Sharingan whirled. "I'll kill you."

Zetsu glared. "_**I'll eat you.**_" Both halves said in unison.

Kisame retaliated by launching an entire pancake at Hidan. He dodged it and it smacked straight into Deidara's face. Kathryn burst into giggles as Deidara jumped to his feet and launched powdered sugar at my shark.

It got all over Tobi, Itachi, Kakuzu, Kisame, me, and Zetsu.

"Deidara!" We all barked. Tobi launched his plate at Deidara who ducked and the glass shattered on the wall behind him. Zetsu nailed him in the face with a piece of buttered and sugared toast. Itachi flicked his plate at Deidara and it crashed into his chest.

Kisame threw some jam at him and it landed in Sasori's hair.

Needless to say, we were all going to die now.

Sasori sighed calmly in irritation before picking up the table and dumping everything on it onto everyone on the other side of the table before kicking it in their direction.

I skillfully ran away when he got jam in his hair so I was unharmed. Itachi also avoided getting hit by merely jumping over the table and retreating to my side.

"Damn Danna, un." Deidara snickered.

Sasori glared at him. "You participated in that, brat." He then proceeded to pick up Deidara and Hidan and launch them both at the table.

I hissed, looking at my dirtied kitchen. "I am totally not cleaning this up."

As it turns out, I was the one who cleaned it up.

Itachi was the only one who helped me. Kisame offered but he wanted to use jutsu so I sent him away.

It took about three hours.

Once we were done cleaning, Itachi and I took a shower. Then we headed to the living room to where Deidara, Sasori, and Kathryn were. Kisame and Kakuzu were sparring and Hidan was doing a ritual. Tobi and Zetsu were in the garden or something, I don't even know.

Tobi said something about making Kathryn a flower tiara.

Zetsu just wanted to spend some time with his family.

He such a weirdo. Tobi is worse though most of the time.

Anyways, I slipped onto the empty couch and Itachi sat beside me like the sexy beast he is. Once he was seated, I looked at Sasori and gave him a pressing expression.

He narrowed his eyes at me.

I flicked mine to Kathryn.

He sighed and rolled his eyes.

I smirked in victory.

"Kathryn, I want to talk to you for a second." Sasori stated, getting to his feet to lead her away from listeners. "Come here."

She raised her eyebrow. "Okay Danna." She let go of Deidara's hand and followed Sasori from the living room and to his bedroom no doubt.

"What is that about, un?" Deidara asked.

I smirked. "Let's go listen in. I already know, but I still want to hear him say it."

Itachi chuckled. "Very well. Come on Deidara."

Deidara nodded and he darted after Itachi and I to Sasori's room.

**Third Person!**

Kathryn bounced behind Sasori curiously as he led her into his bedroom. "What is it Danna? Is everything okay?"

He nodded and sat on his workbench. "Everything is fine brat." She hopped over to him and sat beside him.

"What did you want then?" She wondered.

"To tell you happy birthday." He said calmly.

She smiled. "Thanks Danna. You could have just told me out there."

"It's not as personal around others." Sasori retorted smoothly.

She grinned. "I love you Danna." She hugged him. "You're so cute."

"I love you too kid." Sasori stated, returning the hug slightly

Kathryn froze and pulled away from him to stare at him. "What?"

"I said I love you too brat." Sasori repeated. He smirked, seeing her happiness.

Kathryn's eyes began tearing up. "Danna! You're the best Danna ever!" She latched onto him as happy tears began to fall from her eyes.

Sasori had never said that he loved her back to her before. Every time she said she loved him, he would reply with a simple "I know" and pat her head. She knew he cared for her, but the fact that he actually said it meant so much to her.

She was beyond happy now.

Sasori chuckled as Kathryn cried happy tears onto his shoulder. "You're so touchy." He patted her head. "Happy birthday brat."

Kathryn shuddered happily. "I love you Danna. This is the best birthday ever!"

**First Person Alice!**

"That's a good boy Sasori." I whispered quietly outside of Sasori's room.

Deidara was grinning as he leaned against the wall, happy that Kathryn was happy. And I bet the fact that he had blackmail on Sasori.

"I have a feeling you played a part in that." Itachi stated, smirking at me.

I shrugged. "I told him it would make her day. And obviously it did."

Deidara chuckled. "Let's go back to the living room before Danna catches us, un."

"We'll be leaving soon to go out." I informed him as we got up and walked towards the living room. "We just have to wait for Pein to call us in to give us our 'mission' scroll."

"What exactly are we doing?" Itachi asked.

"We're just going on a double date type thing." I informed him. "We're going out for dinner. Just the four of us. Sasori helped me and Konan talk Pein into letting us do it. In exchange, we promised Pein that we would protect the base and pay for a little get away for him and Konan."

Itachi raised his eyebrow. "A get away?"

"Pein's birthday is the 19th so I'm arranging a little get away for him and Konan so he can relax on his birthday. There isn't really any gift that I could get him, so I arranged for that to happen."

Itachi kissed my forehead. "So that is where you and Sasori went a few days ago."

"Yep." I nodded.

"You're so considerate Alice." Itachi whispered, kissing my cheek.

I shrugged. "It's a habit."

He kissed my lips. "I love you."

"I love you too." I said, returning the gesture. "Deidara, you didn't do anything dirty to my child last night did you?"

Deidara looked away from me. "Shut up Alice, un."

I snickered. "Maybe I should start interrupting you guys when you're having alone time! See how you like it!"

"We'll just carry on with you there, un." Deidara smirked, looking at me again.

"Deidara." Kathryn smiled as she entered the living room. "Pein-sama wants to see us. Itachi, Alice, he's asking for you two as well."

I smiled at her. "You happy?"

She grinned, catching onto the fact that I knew. "Extremely."

"Good." I nodded. I grabbed Itachi's hand and pulled him off the couch and to the hallway. "Let's go see Pein."

"Yeah." She nodded. "Come on Dei."

Said blond bomber hugged her when he reached her and kissed her forehead. "I love you, un. I'm glad you're happy, yeah."

"I love you too Dei." She beamed. "Come on."

And so we headed to Pein's. He gave us our "scroll" and soon sent us on our way. Itachi and Deidara took off with us in their arms until we reached out destination of a nice, quiet little restaurant. I got us private seats by chatting it up with the male host.

I didn't flirt. I just made a new friend.

"What are we here for Dei?" Kathryn asked.

"It's a gift from the three of us, Konan, and Leader, un." Deidara stated.

She looked around, confused. "A restaurant?"

I smacked my forehead. "No you idiot. Your present is a night out with your boyfriend and your best friend. I simply milked the offer to babysit you two to bring Itachi and get out of cooking for once in my life."

Kathryn beamed. "You are the best, Alice."

"Tell me something I don't know." I nodded, waving her off.

Itachi chuckled and kissed the side of my head. "Let's just hope they can cook as well as you can."

"Good luck with that, un." Deidara chuckled, wrapping his arm around Kathryn's shoulders. She leaned into the gesture and kissed his cheek.

"I never should have cooked for you guys back then." I pouted. "All it has caused me is trouble."

Kathryn giggled. "Hidan is going to be so pissed about you not making him food."

"He'll live." I growled. I looked around as the waitress came to our table and smiled at us brightly.

"Hi! My name is Anne, what can I get you to drink?" She asked, her eyes landing on both my weasel and Kathryn's bomber. She fluttered her eyelashes and showed off her severely lacking cleavage as much as possible.

"Water." I stated, not bothering to sound polite.

"Water, un." Deidara told her, nuzzling Kathryn with his nose.

Itachi didn't even glance at her. "Sweetened tea. Thank you."

Kathryn smiled. "The same."

"I'll be right back with your drinks." Anne told us before leaving.

I watched her walk away, a swing in her hips. "Fifteen bucks says she hits on Itachi and Deidara when she gets back."

Kathryn giggled. "I bet she does. But only because they're freaking sexy."

"You're damn right they are." I scoffed.

Itachi looked at me. "How do you know she will 'hit on' us?"

"Oh come on Mr. Uchiha. Did you see her trying to flirt with you?" I asked. "She was sticking her boobs out at you and fluttering her eyelashes. She made her voice so high and girly it's obviously fake. Not to mention, her body language is screaming 'I wanna bang the hot guys'."

Itachi blinked. "I noticed none of this."

"Because you were too busy looking down Alice's shirt, un." Deidara snickered.

Itachi looked at Deidara. "Your point?"

Kathryn snorted. "Itachi, you pervert!"

"He really is." I smiled, leaning into him. "But he's my pervert. And I love it." He sniffed stubbornly and looked away. I grabbed his chin and forced his face back to mine so I could kiss him. He smiled gently and returned the gesture.

"That's okay, Deidara's a pervert too." She giggled, kissing him.

Deidara shrugged. "You're my girlfriend. I can be a pervert if I want to un."

"Exactly." Itachi said in agreement, looking at me. His eyes flicked to the waitress as she returned with our drinks.

"Momma, can I have your lemon?" Kathryn asked, pointing at the lemon on my water.

I nodded. "Go for it babe." She grinned and took it, knowing I hate lemons.

At least the fruit kind.

Those fanfictions lemons are another story.

But, back to reality.

The waitress went around the table to stand on Itachi and Deidara's side. "Did you all decide what you wanted to eat?"

Itachi handed her the menu without looking at her still. "I would like onigiri and seaweed with a side of cabbage." I snickered, knowing those were his favorites.

"Sounds good cutie." She replied, bending closer to him to both show her lacking boobs and "write" his order.

I slammed my hand on the table. "Fifteen!"

Kathryn and Deidara both snorted. Itachi merely kissed my cheek with a tiny chuckle.

"Excuse me?" She asked.

"Sorry, I have Tourettes induced by overly strong perfume and sluts." I said smoothly. "Please continue shoving your boobs into his personal space." I added politely, smiling at her. Kathryn and Deidara gawked while Itachi just sighed.

"And you honey?" She wondered, doing her best to ignore my comment. She was looking at Deidara and batting her eyes.

Deidara sniffed. "I want bakudan, un."

She smiled at him and winked. "I'll put it in for you."

"That's what she said." I muttered. Kathryn stifled a giggle.

Itachi gave me a "behave please" look. So I just smirked playfully at him. He rolled his eyes before kissing me to shut me up.

"What can I get you two?" She asked, leaning closer to my weasel and putting her chest on the table right in front of him, trying to get him to look down her shirt while acting like she was leaning closer to me.

"I want Sashimi." Kathryn told her.

"Alright." Anne smiled. She looked at me, her smile fading a bit "And you?"

I smiled at her. I opened my mouth to say something sexual when Itachi pressed his lips to my mouth. He smiled at me gently when he pulled away. "Don't say it." He whispered quietly against my lips so only I could hear him.

I sighed. "Give me some Ramen."

When she finally walked away, I looked at him. "You're a party pooper."

"That is hardly appropriate Alice." He chuckled.

"What un?" Deidara asked.

Itachi looked at the terrorist. "Alice was going to say something sexual to the waitress."

"What were you going to say?" Kathryn asked.

I smirked. "I was going to say 'I just want a piece of that ass' and wiggle my eyebrows at her but Itachi doesn't want me to torment the waitress."

"How did you know she was going to say that, un?" Deidara wondered.

"Alice gets a certain gleam in her eyes and her left eye squints a bit when she's going to say something sarcastic or inappropriate when she shouldn't." Itachi explained.

"Damn. He noticed." I swore.

Kathryn giggled. "You two are so cute."

I nodded. "Yeah, but so are you and Deidara."

She nodded. "I know."

Deidara and Itachi chuckled at her.

The whore waitress brought our food back to us and she rested her boob on Itachi's arm when she reached over him to give me my food. He ignored her as he should have. I however, had to be talked out of following her into the kitchen to stab her with my chopsticks.

Bitch doesn't touch my weasel unless she wants to die.

After we ate, we ordered desert. Itachi, Deidara, and Kathryn all got dango while I got nothing. I don't like sweets so I just latched onto Itachi the entire time and nibbled on his ear whenever he would take a bite of his desert.

I grabbed a pen from a passing waiter and grabbed a napkin off the table. I wrote "next time, don't touch a taken man and you just might get a tip you whore" on the napkin before looking at my companions who were now finished eating.

"Time to make Kakuzu proud and dash." I hissed. "You ninjas use your speed and get us out of here."

Deidara chuckled and scooped Kathryn up at the same time Itachi scooped me up and we shot from the restaurant without a trace.

Besides my cute little "tip".

Hey, she's lucky I didn't fight her.

Itachi is _mine_.

* * *

_Alice doesn't fuck around._

_She means serious business. I don't even want to mess with that...  
_

**_Fun Fact: _**_Kathryn is the one who actually introduced Alice to anime, starting with Bleach. Alice's obsessiveness emerged shortly after. (Same with me)  
_

Answer: _Fucking dragons. I also like phoenixes and unicorns. Rhinos are acutally just fat unicorns. One of these days, they will shock us all with their magestic ways. Griffins are pretty cool, and I think Buckbeak from Harry Potter would be epic to have. Just like Threstrals. (I'm too lazy to look up proper spelling. Sue me.)_

**QotC:** _Who do you think would win in a fight? Sasori or Kakuzu? Don't just pick your favorite. Base it off of skill and experience. That means tell me why you think Sasori would win or why you think Kakuzu would win._

_Like... 20+ people have asked me if Alice is pregnant. Lol, no. At this point in the story, she is not pregnant. However, if you'd like to see a mini Itachi with Alice's personality running around at some point in the story, feel free to say so. I think I'd be able to incorporate a little brat in my plans for the future. But, I honestly couldn't care less either way. As of right now, Alice is not going to have a mini Itachi in the story._

_I would also like all of you to know that my dog is adorable but she is afraid of black trashbags._

_Anywhozal, let me know your opinions and whatnot in a review or message or whatevs._

_Good day my dearies.  
_


	45. Chapter 45

_What's with all of these long chapters?_

_So, a bit of a different aspect to this chapter. I hope you enjoy it._

_This one is just a little filler type thing because I updated Wednesday and today is my nieces birthday._

_So, enjoy it if possible. I do not own Naruto._**  
**

* * *

**Third Person!**

Itachi was ripped from his slumber with Alice started whimpering in her sleep. She usually never did more than quiet whimpers when he had her, but it was starting to get louder. She looked both pained and scared.

He kissed her cheek gently and tightened his protective embrace around her. Her whimpers however, never quieted. Narrowing his eyes, Itachi shook her gently.

"Alice, wake up." He whispered.

Her whimpering got increasingly louder and her twitching turned into jerking.

"Alice, wake up." He ordered in a normal tone.

Nothing changed.

"Alice." He said loudly in her ear. "Wake up Alice."

She got louder and she began thrashing slightly.

He bit his lip. "Get up, Alice." He barked.

The door connecting his room to Kisame's opened and Kisame came in, looking tired and concerned. His eyes landed on Alice and they narrowed. "What's wrong?"

"She won't wake up." Itachi stated.

"Try channeling chakra into her." Kisame stated, come closer as Alice started thrashing. Itachi pinned her arms down so she didn't hurt herself. Kisame quickly joined him, helping him hold her down.

"Wake up Alice." Itachi ordered loudly. He pressed his hand to her head and channeled chakra into her head. She didn't wake.

The only change was the sudden increase in volume.

"Shit." He swore, wincing at the sudden assault on his ears. "Alice wake up please."

A knock sounded on the door before it was pushed open to reveal Sasori and Kakuzu.

"Why is she still sleeping?" Sasori asked, walking over to them.

Itachi shook his head. "I have no idea. She won't wake to anything."

"**What the fuck is with all the screaming?** We can hear it from our room." Zetsu growled as he phased into the room. "What's wrong with Alice?"

Itachi winced when Alice started whimpering between her screams. "She's having a night terror. She won't wake to anything I do."

"Have you tried waking her with chakra?" Kakuzu asked.

Kisame nodded. "He has. She just got louder and more violent."

"You should try it Kisame, you have more chakra than he does." Sasori stated.

"**She's going to hurt herself if she keeps this up.**" Zetsu added.

Kisame looked at Alice. "Hold her down for me."

Kakuzu dipped his head and pinned Alice's legs to the bed. Kisame placed his hand on Alice's head and shot some of his chakra into her head. She yelped and her eyes snapped open.

Itachi released her hands when she stopped struggling and she instantly latched onto him, shuddering as she did so. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears. Fear and sadness were the only emotions he caught. He could hear her whimpering as she clung to him. She was terrified.

"It's alright Alice." He soothed. "You're okay."

She just kept shaking uncontrollably.

Kisame put his hand on her head. "It's okay, kid, you're safe."

"Sasori." Itachi stated as he ran his fingers through her hair gently. "She's in shock."

Sasori frowned and walked towards them. He put his hand on Alice's head. "Alice, I'm going to give you a sedative so you can calm down alright?"

She tightened her grip on Itachi and buried her face into his neck. Itachi rubbed her back gently and continued whispering soothing words into her ear as Sasori withdrew a syringe and bottle from the confines of his cloak.

Kisame moved away to give Sasori room and stood beside Kakuzu. "I don't think she's going to be spunky today. I haven't seen one that bad."

"I have not either." Kakuzu agreed. He put his hand on Alice's head. "I'm going to go back to bed. You three obviously have it covered."

"Thank you, Kakuzu." Itachi said calmly, removing his eyes from Alice to look at the miser. "I appreciate your help."

He waved away Itachi's thanks and left the room, closing the door behind him. Zetsu followed a few moments later in a similar fashion.

Sasori rubbed the injection site gently after he was finished and pulled away. "She should be calming down any second now."

Sure enough, Alice started calming down, her shaking turned into small trembles and her whimpering stopped.

"Alice." Itachi stated.

She loosened her grip on him and shuddered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." He told her. "It's fine. All that matters now is that you're okay."

She looked away from him and winced when she saw Sasori and Kisame. "I'm sorry."

Kisame rumpled her hair. "Don't sweat it Alice. We don't mind. We're just glad you're awake." He kissed the top of her head. "Are you okay?"

She went silent and nodded slightly. "I don't know why that one happened."

"It's alright my love." Itachi whispered. "You should sleep."

Alice shuddered again. "I don't want to. Not after that."

Kisame patted her back. "It'll be okay Alice. I can stay in here with you if it will make you feel better. Itachi and I won't leave you. You'll be okay."

She shook her head. "I can't." She grabbed Kisame's hand and held it. "I don't want to go through that again."

Sasori frowned and sat on the bed beside Itachi. "Alice, you need to sleep. The sedative I gave you should help."

"No." She whispered stubbornly. "You don't know what it's like. It's one of the worst feelings in the world." She locked her jaw. "Thanks for helping me calm down though, Sasori. I'm sorry I bothered you."

"You didn't bother me you idiot." Sasori sighed. "Just sleep okay? It isn't healthy for you to not sleep. Kisame and Itachi will watch over you."

She rested her forehead against Itachi's collarbone. "I can't."

Itachi rubbed her back soothingly. "It's alright Sasori. I'll try to get her to sleep once she's calmed down more. Thank you for your help."

Sasori nodded and patted Alice's head. "Alright. I'll see you kid. Sleep."

She muttered her thanks to him into Itachi's chest.

"Kisame, will you take her for a moment. I'm going to get her some water. Her voice is raw from before." Itachi stated once Sasori was gone.

Kisame nodded and picked up Alice, tucking her into his arms. She cuddled into him, enjoying his protective embrace that she sorely needed in her situation.

"I love you Kisame." Alice whispered. "Thank you."

He smiled at her and rested his chin on her head. "I love you too kid. I'm always here for you. Don't doubt that. We all are."

"Thank you." She repeated leaning her head against his bare chest. "Will you stay with me? I know it's awkward, but I need you and Itachi."

"Sure." He chuckled.

Itachi returned a second later with a glass of water. "Here Alice."

She took it. "Thanks babe."

He kissed her cheek. "Drink it and then try and sleep. Kisame and I will be with you. Nothing will happen to you. Nothing will ever happen to you. I swear it."

Alice drank a bit of the water. "I won't be able to Itachi. I haven't had one that bad in a really long time. It caught me off guard."

He nodded. "Try."

"Fine." She sighed. "Stubborn Uchiha."

He chuckled and took her from Kisame. He laid her correctly on the bed before lying beside her. Kisame kissed her forehead before laying on her other side. She put her back to Kisame, smiling when he wrapped his arms around her. Itachi kissed her and held her hands.

"Just like the good old days." She smiled. Kisame snickered and squeezed her gently.

"Sleep." Itachi whispered to her, kissing her again.

However, Alice could not sleep.

Not after recalling the very last image of her dream.

It was rare for her to remember anything from her night terrors.

But this time, she couldn't get the image out of her head.

Itachi and Kisame's dead bodies flashed through her mind again.

Along with everyone else she cared for.

She shuddered.

"Itachi." She muttered. "Kisame."

**First Person Kathryn!**

I snickered as Dei and I slowly approached Alice and Itachi's room with Hidan. They had been in there all morning and as always, the three of us were bound and determined to fuck with Alice.

Why?

Alice is just so much fun when she gets angry.

I know she won't really _hurt_ me unless I cross the line.

And I have only once crossed said line.

It was not fun.

Alice loves her line and when you cross it, she goes into psycho bitch mode and destroys everything in her path.

"Are you ready beautiful, un?" Deidara asked, giving me his breathtaking smile and kissing my cheek. His gorgeous blue eyes shimmered tenderly as he gazed at me.

"Yep." I said happily. It's impossible for me not to be a pleased banana when I'm with Deidara. I love him with my entire being.

And then there's Danna.

(:

He kissed my forehead and looked around at Hidan who was grinning evilly as we stood outside of Alice and Itachi's room. Hidan reached for the knob just as the door was ripped opened to reveal a shirtless Itachi glaring at us with his Sharingan ablaze.

I yelped in fear at his intimidating aura and hid behind Deidara, hoping to god/Jashin that he would take pity on my pathetic form and spare me. Perhaps Dei would be the sexy bomber he is and protect me. Because that would be hot.

I think I drooled a little bit…

"What do you want?" He demanded quietly.

"What are you two doing?" I asked, peeking around Deidara.

His gaze drifted to me and his glare softened. Itachi was never evil towards me. I'm pretty sure that if he was, Alice would disapprove unless I crossed the line. Not to mention, Itachi was just too nice.

"Alice had a night terror last night. It was a rather violent one. So I suggest you leave her alone. She's extremely tired and irritable. She hasn't slept since Kisame and I forced her awake last night."

My eyes widened. "Is she okay?"

"I'm surprised it didn't wake you." He muttered, looking upset. "Sasori had to give her a sedative because she couldn't seem to calm down after she woke up. She hasn't slept though which concerns me."

Danna heard it too? How come we didn't?

It's probably because we both snore.

And we're both super heavy sleepers.

"Do you know what caused it?" I asked. I could tell that he was extremely concerned for Alice. It was adorable how close they were. I'm so glad Itachi is good to Alice.

After Adam, I swore that I would kill her next boyfriend if he was anything less than perfect. No one hurts my Momma.

Itachi shook his head. "She's been rather stressed recently."

Dei's eyes narrowed. "Where is she, un?"

Itachi glanced over his shoulder. "In the bed. I'm trying to get her to sleep, but she won't. Kisame is with her right now. I got up to confront the three of you before you disturbed her."

Hidan rolled his eyes. "She has fucking night terrors all the damn time. She should be fucking used to it by now."

Itachi glared at him.

It was a cute glare.

I had always understood why Alice was so infatuated with him.

But Itachi's appearance could never hope to compete with my Dei's.

He was perfect.

He was sexy, sweet, strong, protective, gentle, loving, mushy, etc. The list could go on.

And he is all _mine_.

"Hidan, shut up." I pouted. "We'll leave you alone Itachi. Can I tell Alice I love her?"

"Of course you may Kathryn." Itachi nodded. He stepped back to allow me and Deidara to enter. Hidan announced something about his ritual before leaving us to see Alice alone.

He's so strange.

But he's so awesome too.

I crept to the bed to see Kisame holding Alice, running his fingers through her dark hair. He looked around and gave me his super special grin. I grinned back at him and patted his head.

"Momma." I said quietly, poking Alice's shoulder.

She opened her left eye, her good one, to look at me. "Kat." Her voice was raw and scratchy. She sighed and closed that eye. "Deidara."

Deidara looked saddened to see Alice look so tired.

Deidara had taken Alice's brother's position as the big sibling. She still acted motherly and scolded him like she always does with just about everyone, but when they were together, Deidara always had a brotherly aura around him.

"Are you okay Momma?" I asked.

Alice sighed again. "Yeah."

"Liar." I muttered.

Her eyebrows met as she frowned at me. "Shut up." Kisame chuckled and Alice smiled. Her eyes opened when Itachi climbed into the bed behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her cheek and whispered his love for her in her ear.

"I love you Alice." I told her. "Get some rest and listen to Itachi." I kissed her cheek. She glared at me when I did so but I could see the amusement in her expression.

"Rest up Alice, un." Deidara stated. "We need to have a wrestling match soon. I need a good fight yeah."

She smiled. "Got it."

"We need sarcasm." I added.

Alice rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Whatevs. Get out."

I laughed. "Alright, come on babe." I grabbed Deidara's hand and grinned widely when it licked me. "Bye Itachi. Bye Alice. Bye Kisame."

Deidara wrapped his muscular, sexy, protective arm around me when we left the room and kissed my neck. "You're so beautiful, un."

"You're so sexy." I told him, wrapping my own arms around his perfect waist. "Can we go and annoy Danna?"

"Sure we can, un." He chuckled. "Let's go yeah."

I yelped when he suddenly scooped me up in his arms and carried me bridal style all the way to Danna's room. I was giggling up a storm since his hand mouths kept licking my arm and my knee.

Deidara had always told me that I tasted good and that his mouths could never get enough. It was both flattering, sexy, and a little weird all at the same time. It was kind of awkward too. Alice had been passing by us when he told me and she heard us. She spit out her drink and started cracking up laughing.

But I didn't care. Deidara was so sweet. I love him so much.

"I love you Dei." I told him, kissing his face mouth. "You're so cute."

He grinned at me and kissed me in response. "I love you too baby, un. You're gorgeous. I never get tired of looking at you, un."

"It's so sweet!" I cooed, wrapping my arms around his neck. He chuckled that sexy chuckle that always sent chills down my spine, and continued carrying me to Danna's room.

Once we made it, he gently set me down and he cracked the door. Danna was at his work bench, his hand on his chin as he stared blankly at the corner of the room, lost in thought. I smiled brightly and threw open the door, running to my Danna.

"Danna!" I said happily, latching onto him. I love my Danna so much. He's so cute.

He sighed. "Brat." He looked down at me. "Your exuberance is, as always, both impressive and excessive."

I grinned. "That rhymed." He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I love you Danna."

"I know." He stated, patting my head gently. He looked up Deidara. "Didn't I tell you to put a leash on her?"

"I leant it to Kakuzu so he could control Hidan, un." Deidara chuckled.

"Dirty thoughts." I stated as an image of Kakuzu using that leash to do some bondage with Hidan in the bedroom entered my mind.

Danna frowned. "You need mind soap."

"No!" I eeped, scurrying away from him to glomp Deidara. He skillfully caught me, grinning that adorable grin all the while.

I don't know how I keep from raping him every second of the day.

I mean, he is freaking gorgeous.

He's a dude and I'm a girl, and _I'm_ jealous of his good looks.

And I was a model.

But he's just so perfect.

And totally rapeable.

Excitement coursed through my body as I thought of all the dirty things I could do my sexy blond bomber.

"Kathryn, you're drooling, un." Deidara laughed, poking my cheek to gain my attention.

Danna raised his eyebrow at me. "You were thinking inappropriate things weren't you?"

I grinned. "Yep!" I zipped over to his desk. "Shiny."

"I don't want to know." Danna sighed, extracting the shiny from my hands, telling me it was dangerous. "Was there something you wanted or did you want to annoy me?"

Why are shiny things always dangerous here?

Probably because they're usually Danna's or Hidan's…

"Both(un)." Deidara and I said together. I smiled and hugged him again.

"So what did you want?" Danna asked.

"Is Alice gonna be okay?" I wondered. Danna's eyes narrowed slightly and he sighed.

He nodded. "She should be fine. It was a bad one though. Even Zetsu heard it." I gawked. Zetsu's room was the furthest one away from Alice and Itachi's. "She almost started crying when she finally woke up."

I winced. Alice never cried, so hearing that made me worry even more about her. From the look on her face earlier, I could tell she was really affected by the event.

Deidara curled his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. "She'll be okay un." He whispered. "Don't worry yeah."

I nodded and leaned to him. I could always rely on Deidara to keep me strong in any situation no matter how tough. He was my life now. I loved him more than anything.

And Danna. He's in there too.

I love that adorable redhead.

"I love you Deidara." I told him.

He kissed my forehead. "I love you too, un."

"I love you Danna." I whispered loudly to Danna.

He stood and patted my head. "I know kid. Me too."

"Breakfast?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at Deidara.

"Hell yeah, un!" Deidara agreed, scooping me up and running to the kitchen.

The day went typically. I hung around Deidara the entire time. We annoyed Danna, enticed Hidan into a few rants. I stole some of Kakuzu's money and blamed it on Hidan. Hidan got into big trouble. Me and Tobi annoyed everyone with our antics.

There was once difference that we were all feeling though.

No Alice.

My Momma wasn't there to keep us in check. She wasn't there to help Danna be mean and sarcastic. She wasn't there to make perverted comments to Itachi and tell Kisame that he was her new favorite color. She wasn't tackling Deidara randomly and wrestling with him.

It really sucked not having Alice.

She's my partner in crime.

And she's my corrections officer.

The organization's disciplinarian.

"Dei, I miss Alice." I pouted as I brushed his hair. We were sitting in the living room. He was sitting in between my legs, letting me brush his wonderfully silky hair.

He tilted his head back to look at me upside-down. "I know un. It's different not having her running around keeping us in our place yeah."

I kissed his forehead. "We should do something for her."

"Like what un?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I have no idea. Alice doesn't like gifts. That's why she buys herself stuff and it's why I'm not allowed to get her presents except for when she gets me one."

Deidara frowned in thought. "I don't really know what she likes either, yeah."

"We could get her a puppy." I proposed.

He chuckled. "That wouldn't go over well, yeah."

"They can suck my dick. This is for Alice." I growled. He smiled at me.

"You really love her don't you un." He said, touching my cheek.

"Of course I do. She loves me too." I assured him. "I know she loves all of you. I've never seen her so happy."

Deidara nodded. "We love her too. I know I do. Danna does too un." He sighed. "But, you're number one for both of us, yeah."

I smiled after telling him he was sweet. "I wonder if she's feeling any better."

"Wanna go and see, un?" Deidara asked.

I nodded. "Yes please."

He chuckled and allowed me to put his hair back up in its typical high ponytail before grabbing my hand and leading me back to Alice and Itachi's. We knocked when we got there.

Kisame opened the door this time. "Yo."

"Is Alice feeling any better?" I asked.

He smiled at me and patted my head. "Yeah she is actually. She woke up like five minutes ago. She fell asleep about ten minutes after you guys left earlier."

I peeked around him to see Alice sitting on the bed, rubbing her head. "Hi Momma."

She raised her eyebrow and looked in my direction. "Hey babe."

I grinned, knowing she was getting better. I slipped by Kisame and hurried to the bed. I climbed on it and hugged her, pinning her to the mattress beneath me as I hugged her. "I missed you. Are you okay?"

Alice sighed and returned my hug, petting me like she always does when I act like a kid. "Yeah. I missed you too Kat. You weren't causing trouble were you?"

"Nope." I said happily.

"I don't believe you." She retorted boredly. She looked up at Deidara as he approached. "Hey Dei."

"Alice, un." Deidara said with a lopsided grin.

It was fucking cute.

I would have attacked him if I wasn't holding Alice.

I guess I'll just have to rape him later.

I can't wait.

"Quit your fantasizing about Deidara." Alice sighed. "You're drooling on my shirt."

"Sorry Momma." I pouted, listening to Deidara snicker.

She just rolled her pretty multicolored eyes.

"Where's Itachi?" I asked, looking for Alice's weasel.

"Bathroom." Alice told me with a sigh. She rested her head against mine. "Thanks."

I already knew what she was thanking me for, so I hugged her tighter. "I love you Momma."

She said thanks to me at least once a day.

She was thanking me for being her friend.

Thanking me for staying by her side through all these years.

But what I don't tell her is that I couldn't leave her, even if I wanted to.

I owe her too much. After all that she's done for me, I couldn't leave her.

"I love you too Kathryn." She assured me.

"Awe, it's sentimental and touching." Kisame snickered.

"Thank you for ruining the moment Kisame." Alice sighed. "It's appreciated."

Kisame chuckled. "Sasori wasn't here to do it, so someone had to stand in."

"I appreciate your bravery and ability to take the initiative. Those are big shoes to fill." Alice commended, looking up at him.

They had such a cute relationship.

He shook his head. "I can't even keep up with you."

"Few can." She agreed. "Sasori can't half the time."

"I heard that." Danna growled from the doorway. He was smirking despite his tone. He truly did enjoy Alice's sarcastic wit. I thought it was just mean. Though, I had to admit that it was funny sometimes. "Don't talk about me when I'm not here."

"But I knew you were." Alice stated. "You always pop up wherever there's a sarcastic comment. I respect that ability of yours."

"At least someone does." He muttered. "Are you feeling better?"

"Loads." Alice nodded. "Though, I still fucking hate my mental issues."

Danna nodded. "We all do. It's not just you."

"Fuck you Sasori." Alice growled.

I grinned. "You two are so alike."

"No we're not!" They snapped in unison.

That's my Momma and my Danna.

* * *

_A little bit of Kathryn action for you people._

_She was with me when I wrote this. She thought it was funny._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ Kathryn is actually extremely vulgar and perverted. Alice has just built her a filter over the years. (The real Kathryn is more vulgar than I am.)_

Answer: _I think it would be an amazing fight. However, I bet Kakuzu would win. 1) He has decades of experience. 2) He can control all of the elements. 3) He has FIVE hearts where Sasori only has one. 4) Kakuzu's abilities are all range attacks. They can cover huge distances. Sasori's attacks are more mid-range to long-range based. Plus, as we all know, puppet masters aren't very good at hand-to-hand combat while Kakuzu is a super beast at it. That's why I think Kakuzu would win._

**QotC:** _Who would win in a fight? Hidan or Pein?_

_So my niece is three years old today. And her and I play this game whenever I watch her. I'm always on my laptop and my desktop background always changes every 30 minutes. When I'm watching her, she sits beside me and I go through the various pictures (Which happen to be all anime) she tells me who they are. Her answers range from "He's a mean guy." "He's a nice guy." "He's a funny guy." "He's evil." "He's cute" and so on. I got to one of Byakuya from Bleach and she's like "He's a girl" she did the same thing to Deidara. Nnoitra is usually a funny guy. Kenpachi is a evil or happy guy. Ulquiorra is sad. And Kisame is a fishy._

_I laugh my ass off whenever we do this. She called Itachi cute too and I was like "You, are absolutely related to me."  
_

_Well, that's all I have for today._

_Good day, lovelies._


	46. Chapter 46

_So here's the next chapter. Thank you all for the reviews and support._

_I wouldn't be writing this story if it wasn't for you guys._

_Enjoy._

_*Insert generic disclaimer*_**  
**

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

"You." I stated, flopping on Sasori's bed that he never used. "Talk to me."

He blinked and looked up from a book he was reading. "About what?"

I frowned as I thought up a topic. Smiling when a thought came to mind, I patted the bed beside me. He sighed and sat in the spot I indicated, raising an eyebrow at me. I looked at him seriously. "Tell me about your art. Why do you think it's eternal?"

"That's quite a weighty topic of discussion Alice." Sasori said thoughtfully. "Why are you asking?"

"I'm curious." I shrugged. "Not to mention, you and I haven't had a deep talk in a while and I kinda want to. Plus, I'd really like to hear your point of view without Deidara telling you you're delusional at every pause for breath."

He chuckled and went quiet for a moment as he thought of a way to start. "Art to me is eternal beauty. Never rotting or fading away in time. It should remain, perfect and endless for all to enjoy. I have always believed this. Had I not, I wouldn't have made myself a puppet body. Had I not believed true art was forever lasting, I would not be a puppet master."

I nodded. "Makes sense I guess. But what if someone thinks it's beautiful and perfect, and someone else does not. Art is an interpretation of someone. Now, I'm not artistic, not in the least. I can see where you're coming from, but in a way, Deidara also has a point."

Sasori watched me for a moment. "Art is a way of life Alice. It's not simply an opinion. You cannot simply like art. You have to live it. You have to _feel_ it. It can be interpreted in different ways, but what art truly is, is a permanent imprint, a lasting feeling of beauty that is eternal. My puppets will last forever. They will be there for all to see for generations, for posterity."

"Can't something get old? You're telling me you don't get sick of seeing the same thing over and over again?" I wondered.

"Not if I find it perfect." Sasori stated. "My puppets are perfect in my opinion. If they aren't perfect, I strive to achieve that perfection."

I rolled on my back and looked at the ceiling, thinking about what Sasori said. He never really gets passionate about things unless it's his art. I could see what he meant, but I guess it was something only a true artist would understand.

I smiled at him. "You know, I think you've made a pretty good argument Sasori."

"I always do." He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't flatter yourself puppet boy."

He patted my forehead. "Perhaps I'll make you into a puppet if you start to fade away. Though, I might just do it to end your constant talking."

"Oh whatever Sasori, you totally love it." I smirked.

Sasori went silent for a moment. "I suppose you're right. At least a little bit. I do enjoy the intelligent and witty conversations."

"Damn right you do." I smiled. I glanced at his clock. "Shit. I have to make dinner or Hidan's going to hunt me down."

Sasori smirked. "That sounds unfortunate. Perhaps you should get started on that."

"I guess you're right." I sighed, rolling off his bed. "We'll talk more later Sasori. It's nice to see you so passionate about stuff. I enjoyed listening to what you had to say."

He nodded. "Who doesn't?"

"Deidara." I replied smartly.

"Deidara has his head too far up Kathryn's ass to listen to anything." Sasori said with a roll of his eyes.

I frowned. "I did not need the mental image. Thanks."

He laughed. "You're welcome."

I shook my head and left the room, heading for the kitchen to start on dinner. Sure enough, on my way to the kitchen, Hidan comes stomping down the hallway, looking for me.

"Bitch, why ain't you in that kitchen making me food?" He growled.

"Because I decided you were going to have to fend for yourself. What would you do if I died? Starve?" I wondered. "That's not healthy Hidan."

He glared. "Shut up and make me food."

I sighed. "Asshole."

He grinned at me and picked me up in a hug. "You love it, bitch."

"Dearly. I truly do." I admitted, hugging him. "Carry me to the kitchen."

He chuckled and did so, carrying me the whole way. He set me down by the fridge and took his spot at the table. Hidan may be demanding and lazy, but he does keep me company when he orders me around.

Such a good boy.

Like a dog sitting in the kitchen, just waiting for you to drop some food.

And people wonder why I love him so much?

"Shit." I swore, both slicing my finger, burning others, and over cooking a piece of meat. I pouted and ran it under the sink.

"What?" Hidan asked, noticing my swearing.

"I hurt myself." I sighed. I distinctly heard him get up and walk over to me. He grabbed my hand and inspected my wounds.

He cocked his head at the burns and the slice. "It's not too bad. You're a pussy."

"Last time I checked, I did have one. But I don't recall ever being one." I retorted. "Don't fucking lick it. That's gross. Oh Jashin, now you're going to turn black and have to kill me!"

He raised his eyebrow. "Shut up bitch. I'm helping the blood stop." He shook his head as he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my finger, applying pressure to stop the blood.

"Because I couldn't do this myself..." I sighed. "I have to finish making you food. I'll have to remake someone's food because I over cooked it a bit."

Hidan peeked over my shoulder at the food. "Just give it to me. I like it overcooked."

"You're a good boy." I praised. "Can I have my hand back now?"

"Hold the fuck on. You're worse than the puppet fucker." He sighed, grabbing some bandages from one of the many drawers. He wrapped my sliced finger and burnt ones up skillfully before releasing me. "There."

I inspected his work before hugging him. "Thanks Hidan."

He patted my head. "Yeah, now give me something to eat."

I laughed and quickly made him his plate before handing it to him. "I'll go get everyone else. Go ahead and eat. I'll get you something to drink in a second."

"Fair enough." He shrugged, heading to the table, already gnawing on his food.

"Guys! Get in here! Dinner is ready!" I shouted.

I opened the fridge and started poking around, searching for something to get Hidan to drink when I was suddenly picked up off the ground. I yelped in shock and instantly went into defensive mode until I recognized the protective blue arms of my shark around my waist.

"Kisame!" I whined, struggling all the while. "Put me down!"

He snickered. "Did I scare you?"

"I almost destroyed your beautiful face, so yes, you did scare me." I nodded twisting around slightly in his arms to look at him. He was grinning his super amazing grin.

Jashin I love that shark and his awesome sharp-toothed grins.

"Good." He stated.

"It isn't good!" I countered. "I know you're a ninja and all but I seriously almost grabbed the knife off the counter and stabbed it into your throat." I shivered. "I'm paranoid. You can't do stuff like that to me. Why do you think I twitch so badly when people touch me randomly?"

"Hidan does it to you." Kisame stated.

"Hidan's immortal." I sighed. "You're not my fishy friend."

He chuckled and set me on the ground. He didn't let me go. Instead he wheeled me around so he could hug me. "Sorry kiddo. I'd never hurt you though."

I hugged his waist. "I know. I wasn't mad. It's a good thing I realized it was you though, or else I would have hurt you. I don't want to hurt my Kisa."

Kisame kissed the top of my head and let me go. "What did you make?"

"Food." I said smartly.

"What kind of food, un?" Deidara asked as he and Kathryn walked into the kitchen.

"Good food." I retorted. I pouted when Kisame rumpled my hair before I set the table with everyone's food. I then returned to the fridge and got Hidan a drink. "Here Hidan."

He took it from me, flicking me in the forehead as thanks. I punched him before busying myself with getting everyone else something to drink.

"You're such a good momma, Momma." Kathryn beamed from her spot beside Deidara.

"Thanks." I said with an eye roll. Kakuzu grunted his thanks at me as I got him some water. I patted his head, quickly putting some distance between us because Kakuzu doesn't like to be touched when he's eating. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly at me but I saw the amusement in them, especially when I smiled at him from by the counter.

I busied myself for a bit, cleaning up the slight mess I made while I cooked. This base is usually fucking spotless and my kitchen is a prime example. I _hate_ cleaning. But I'm so OCD to the point where everything has to be neat and in order or I'll have a fit.

I sighed a few minutes later as I turned back around to face my criminals and Kathryn, only for Itachi to be inches from me with his lips on mine, kissing me lovingly. Now, I almost reacted violently because it scared the shit out of me.

Apparently it's fuck with Alice's paranoia day.

No one told me.

But, I didn't respond violently. Instead, I smirked after swallowing my heart and kissed him back. He smirked as he pushed me up against the counter, one of his arms curling around me as his other hand buried itself into my hair to keep my face to his.

A few throats cleared and they were answered by a middle finger from myself.

"No sex in the kitchen Alice!" Kathryn scolded. "Danna! Tell her she's being bad."

I heard Sasori sigh through the blood pounding in my ears, thanks to Itachi. "I'm not even surprised anymore. Besides, you two brats do worse than that all the time in the middle of occupied rooms."

"Alice is supposed to be the mature one though Danna." Kathryn protested.

"Will you two take a breath?" Kisame chuckled as Itachi and I continued eating each other's faces without a care in the world. "Damn."

I opened my good eye to look at Itachi. He smiled against my lips and pulled away to rest his forehead against mine. I smiled back. "Shut up bitches. Eat your dinner."

Itachi kissed my forehead. "Thank you for dinner Alice."

"You're welcome. Thanks for scaring the shit out of me but making it up by giving me an excuse to eat your face." I stated.

He chuckled and hugged me. "You're welcome."

"You two are being really cuddly today." Kathryn pointed out.

I looked at her and narrowed my eyes. "Shut it."

She pouted and went back to eating.

"So…" I began, reaching behind myself to grab my glass of water. I drank it while Itachi kept me pinned to the side of the counter, his arms wrapped around me still. He just watched me with his beautiful red eyes.

"What enticed that, un?" Deidara asked.

Itachi shrugged and glanced at him over his shoulder. "Am I not allowed to kiss Alice?"

"Some would say you're not." Sasori stated, resting his chin on his knuckles.

"Who?" I asked, raising my eyebrow. Deidara, Kathryn, and Hidan all raised their hands. "Why?"

"I don't want to see you do the dirty in the kitchen." Kathryn stated.

I frowned. "Kathryn. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?"

She paused before looking down. "Good point."

"I don't want to see you suck face when I'm trying to eat, un." Deidara informed me.

Itachi glanced at him. "You and Kathryn do worse than simply kissing all hours of the day. Often times, we're eating and you just ignore the fact that you have an audience."

Deidara sniffed and looked away. "So, un?"

"He has a point brat." Sasori stated.

"I have a fucking problem with it because I like to make shit difficult." Hidan smirked.

I rolled my eyes. "You're a professional at it." He just chuckled and Kakuzu agreed.

Itachi shook his head, kissed me gently again before going to the table to eat. Dinner passed by as it usually did with the eight of us, soon joined by Zetsu and Tobi. Deidara chased Tobi around a bit and Zetsu promised to eat Kathryn. Hidan started a mini food fight with Deidara, Tobi, and Kathryn later on. The rest of us just watched. Then I got to beat them into cleaning the kitchen.

Typical.

After dinner, Kathryn departed to go and take a shower to clean the food off her while the others went about their usual business of lazing around. I finished storing away the uneaten food before heading in the direction of the living room.

However, something occurred to me before I made it.

I turned onto a different hallway and walked into Kathryn and Deidara's room like I owned the place. Deidara, who was sitting on the bed playing with clay, didn't even look up as I plopped beside him.

"Hey, un." He stated.

"Tell me about your art." I said instantly.

He paused and looked at me. "What, un?"

"You heard me. I want to hear it." I shrugged. "I talked with Sasori about his art earlier today, and now I want to hear your opinion on it. He made a pretty good argument, but I'm sure you could do just as good."

Deidara smirked proudly. "My art, is my life un." He paused. "Outside of Kathryn, yeah." I rolled my eyes and he continued. "True art is fleeting. Art is an explosion. Explosions are beautiful and artistic because they're instantaneous and short-lived, un."

"Why?" I asked. "Why do you think it's fleeting? Why explosions?"

"True beauty is found in that split-second before something is destroyed. You can't truly appreciate how beautiful something is until you watch it disappear yeah." He elaborated.

"How so?" I wondered. He flopped on his stomach on the bed beside me, propping himself up on his elbows as I allowed my arms to hang off the bed.

"If something's always there, you never have the chance to miss it, to want it. If something's there one second and gone the next, you can reflect on it and see how precious it was just before it was lost forever, un."

I nodded. "What about Kathryn? Is she not beautiful because she's always at your side and doesn't disappear randomly?"

He shook his head. "No. I had to live for a while thinking that I really had lost her forever, un. Back when we left your world. Kathryn only gets more beautiful as the days go on, un." He shrugged. "I guess my art can't really be applied to her because she's always there, but she is the most beautiful thing to me yeah."

"I understand what you mean. And I understand what you were saying about your art." I rested my chin on my hands. "I think that art is a mixture of what you and Sasori believe. Of course, I'm not artistic and I'm not good at describing what I mean without cursing and being in a pissed off rant. But, you both have good opinions."

Deidara bumped into me purposefully. "Art differs depending on someone's opinion, but you really have to feel art and live it. It can't just be an opinion. That isn't deep enough. Danna and I put our hearts into our art, un."

"He is more literal about it than you though…" I muttered.

"It's true though, un." Deidara chuckled. "Our art is our way of life."

I smiled. "I'm glad you guys are so passionate about it. It's honestly what makes you both you. You wouldn't be Deidara if you didn't constantly rant about fleeting explosions. Just like Sasori wouldn't be Sasori if he didn't harp on about everlasting puppets."

Deidara pushed my face into the mattress. "And you wouldn't be Alice without acting like a big mean dork all the time, un."

I frowned and rolled on him, wrapping my arm around his neck. He laughed and fought back and in minutes we were wrestling, trying to beat each other up.

Kathryn came out of the bathroom after her shower and sighed. "Danna!" She called. "Alice and Deidara are fighting again!"

* * *

_Ah, Sasori, Deidara, and their art..._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ Kathryn is allergic to sulfur..._

Answer: _Pein. Because Pein is the leader for a reason and Hidan is not._

**QotC:** _Who do you think would win in a fight? Itachi or Deidara?_

_So, I'm really fucking out of it today. I've gone into one of the random states of depression I fall into every now and then. I honestly want to kill everyone I see. I had to leave my house because I about snapped at my grandmother for saying my name in her annoying ass voice. Not to mention, my nieces were over and they were screaming and crying. I was reminded why I hate children. And then I had to deal with all of the shit I deal with on a daily basis that I'm not even going to being bitching about because I'll snap my laptop in half out of anger.  
_

_Basically I'm just really hostile and unstable today. I wasn't going to update today because I don't even want to get on the computer at this point, but I love you guys so I forced myself to. I would rather go on a murderous rampage before ending my own pathetic existence just for the hell of it. I think the fact that I haven't talked to Kathryn in over two weeks is adding to my depression. She's with her real dad and little sister down in Florida and she lost her phone like she does every time she goes down there because she's an idiot.  
_

_But a happy birthday to Bittersweetcrimson, the author of one of my favorite Fanfictions._

_So, please excuse my... rant? I guess you could call it. I'm just looking for somewhere to vent._

_Oh and ZetsusNeko made me fanart. I love her. She's on DA so you should all go and ogle at her pretty drawing._

_As for all of you, thanks._

_I'm going to go listen to Asshole by Denis Leary and some Pink Floyd. When I'm in one of my moods, Pink Floyd always calms me down._

_Ciao._


	47. Chapter 47

_Happy birthday to me._

_I'm updating early as a birthday present to myself and because you guys are just awesome like that._

_800+ freaking reviews. You all amaze me with your awesomeness._

_Enjoy. I don't own Naruto. But wouldn't that be an awesome birthday gift?_

* * *

I blinked in confusion and looked away from a beautiful picture of Itachi when he was in the middle of brushing his teeth on my phone. My snickering stopped as I heard something quite strange for the Akatsuki base.

I heard… singing?

I raised my eyebrow at Itachi who was also looking at the door, in the direction of the singing in confusion. He lifted his head off my shoulder and sat up, looking curious.

"What the hell?" I asked.

"It sounds like someone is singing." He pointed out the obvious.

I got to my feet and walked to the door, opening it. "Come on babe." He silently joined me, taking my hand. Together we walked towards the living room, allowing the singing to get louder.

As it got louder, I recognized the voice.

As I recognized the voice, I also recognized the lyrics.

And that just made me sad.

I entered the living room with my weasel, my eye twitching in annoyance.

Kathryn was standing on one of the couches, her headphones in, jamming to her iPod, singing "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry. Her singing was loud and slightly out of key. She was dancing like a stripper on the couch.

Deidara and Hidan were watching her like the perverts they are.

Kisame was blatantly trying to ignore her awful singing while also snickering about the lyrics and the entire situation in general. Sasori was face-palming like a pro, his eyebrow twitching in annoyance.

"What the fuck?" I asked, gaining everyone's attention. Save the idiot who was shaking her ass with a little too much slutty skill.

Hidan glanced at me and Itachi. "Is she singing about you?"

"I kissed a girl and I liked it! Taste of her cherry chap-stick! I kissed a girl just to try it! Hope Deidara don't mind it!" Kathryn sang, dancing on the couch, her eyes closed the entire time. If they had been open, she'd have stopped a while ago.

"I don't fucking mind it." Hidan smirked. He elbowed Deidara and winked suggestively. Deidara just ignored him in favor of watching Kathryn and avoiding my death glare.

My eye twitched as I glared at Hidan and my hand shot out to grab Kathryn's ankle. I ripped it from underneath her without looking in her direction. She flopped onto the couch like an idiot and yelped in shock.

"That is enough." I growled.

"Thank you." Sasori sighed, giving me a grateful dip of his head.

Kathryn pulled her headphones out of her ear and pouted at me. "What did you do that for? I wasn't trying to imply that I kissed you! Don't be anti-lez on me!"

"I have nothing against lesbians." I sighed, rolling my eyes. "But if a female tries to pull anything on me, even if it's you, I'll kill you." I snapped, glaring at her. "Hidan is being a pervert. Quit singing so loudly and dancing like a whore. I know I've scolded you about that more than once Kathryn Lynn."

"Yes mommy." Kathryn said, sticking out her lower lip sadly. "Can I sing and not dance?"

"Of course you may." I stated. "Just don't do it so loudly and please pick a better song."

"Oh I got one!" Kathryn grinned. She scrolled through her iPod and played one, dancing slightly until it got the part she wanted to sing. "I throw Deidara in the air sometimes saying aayy-ooo, explosive clay-oo!"

Deidara started laughing and grabbed Kathryn, pulling her onto his thigh so he could kiss her cheek. "I love you so much, un."

She beamed. "I love you too Dei." She snuggled up to him, before serenading him with a goofy love song. I shivered in disgust and looked away. "I can't do this anymore. Come on Itachi, let's get away from her before I kill her."

Itachi chuckled and kissed my cheek.

"Hey where you going bitch?" Hidan asked. "Get over here and make out with the skinny one!"

My tolerance level snapped.

I really hate when people do shit like that.

And Hidan was about to find that out.

He was also about to get a taste of my bipolar temper tantrum first hand.

I grabbed something heavy off the table and was across the room beating him with it in the next second. "Pervert!" I barked as I hit him for each syllable. I repeated the process like six times before I was restrained by Itachi.

There were extremely colorful insults and cusswords in there as well.

"Hidan, it would be wise to refrain from angering her." Itachi said, extracting my weapon from my hands and kissing me to calm me down.

You see, I don't like it when people are perverted towards my Kathryn.

I'm extremely protective.

I also don't like it when people try to get me to do other things with someone of the same gender. You see, I have nothing against homosexuals. Do whatever you'd like when you like. But don't involve me in it. Except for Brett and Louis. They're okay because they're guys and I know them better than just about anyone.

I sighed to compose myself. "I'm good."

Kathryn smiled at me. "Alice doesn't like it when people do perverted things directed at me. Deidara is the only one she lets. But she didn't like that at first either."

"Only I may do perverted things to Kathryn. And that depends on my mood." I stated.

Hidan rubbed his head. "Your fucking mood swings are scary as shit."

"I swear I saw fire in your eyes." Kisame said seriously. He's such a dork.

Itachi kissed my cheek. "You've been hanging out with Hidan far too much. I was not aware you knew of such words and insults."

I glanced at him. "You'd be surprised. I have more."

"I do not want to hear them." Itachi said with a sigh.

Sasori shook his head. "You're mentally unstable Alice."

"Duh." I deadpanned. "Where the hell have you been?"

"What was with all the cussing? **Was that Alice? Unless Hidan lost his balls, it'd have to be.**" Zetsu said as he morphed into the room.

"Yes it was me." I nodded. "I apologize for the flip out." I looked at Hidan. "You better fucking watch it."

"Tobi thinks Hidan-san should listen to Alice-chan because Alice-chan is insane!" Tobi sang as he bounced into the room.

I looked at him. "I love you Tobi."

Tobi tackled me. "Tobi loves Alice-chan too!"

Kathryn seized Tobi's hand and started bouncing. "Tobi! Dance with me!"

"Tobi will dance with Kathryn-chan!" Tobi cheered. I smirked, imagining what Madara was thinking as he danced with Kathryn. She was teaching him the old school moves like the swimming motion, the lawn mower, the snorkeling motion, and some other disco moves.

It was fantastic seeing Tobi do the snorkel move…

I about died because I imagined Madara doing it.

And that just made me lose it.

I fell on the floor, laughing my ass off. The others, save the two dancers, were all looking at me like I was insane.

I honestly don't know what they're so surprised about at this point.

They should know I'm bat-shit crazy.

They tell me I am every Jashin-damned day.

"Alice?" Itachi asked, raising his eyebrow at me.

I snickered. "Don't even ask."

"**She's insane.**" Zetsu stated.

"And this is news to you?" I wondered.

"No. **But we have to make sure everyone else knows.** They're not all that smart you see." Zetsu elaborated. I just snickered and shook my head at his antics.

Gotta love Zetsu.

"-look what I see. Kisame Hoshigaki, wearing my jeans. Sasori no Danna's wearing my jeans! Itachi Uchiha's wearing my jeans! I just can't believe they wore those jeans like me!" Kathryn sang.

My head snapped to her, as well as everyone else's. I shuddered, recalling the first time I heard that sad excuse for a song. My left shoe could come up with better lyrics. My _jeans_ could come up with better lyrics and I don't even wear jeans!

"What the hell are you singing brat?" Sasori asked.

"What the hell are jeans? Like… brown eyes genetic genes?" Kisame questioned.

Itachi blinked. "I do not wear jeans, Kathryn. And I most certainly wouldn't wear yours."

"Why the _fuck_ are you singing that song in my presence?" I demanded.

She grinned. "I'm singing the parody. It's funny. I just wanted to include Danna, Kisame, and Itachi in the song to get everyone's attention."

"It worked." I told her. "Don't sing that song. It makes me sick."

"Okay." Kathryn beamed. She hopped back over to Tobi and they started dancing to the chicken dance together.

Sasori raised his eyebrow. "What is wrong with her?"

"Does it fucking matter? She's weird as shit." Hidan laughed.

Deidara glared. "Leave her alone, un."

"Here comes the squeal and the glomp." I said quickly.

As if I cued her, Kathryn squeals about Deidara being a sweetheart and glomps him. He just chuckled once he had her in his arms and kissed her gently, assuring her that he loved her.

It's cute.

"Idea!" Kathryn exclaimed. She bounced up and down. "Let's play three truths!"

I sighed. "I'll win."

"Nuh uh. I bet Itachi will win. He's really perceptive." Kathryn countered.

"Bullshit." I scoffed. "I'd totally beat him."

Itachi kissed my cheek. "Alice, I believe that is a challenge."

"If you say so." I smirked.

"I believe I will win." Sasori stated.

"Or Zetsu because he spies on everyone." Kathryn commented, thinking deep.

"So basically we're playing this game to settle a rivalry about who will win because we're all competitive." Kisame concluded.

I shook my head. "I'm not competitive. I just know that I know all kinds of shit about you guys so I'll win. Now however, I'd like to rub it in Sasori's face."

"Let's just fucking play already." Hidan sighed. "Kuzu-bitch, you playing?"

Kakuzu smacked Hidan's head before grunting. "Sure. I can use it for blackmail."

I laughed. "Alright Kat, go and get the shit."

She darted from the room, returning with a big pile of paper and pens. "Everyone write down three truths about yourself. Don't say that it's you and try not to give yourself away."

"Fair enough, un." Deidara said, kissing Kathryn's cheek. Itachi and I took our seats on the same couch as Kisame so we could fill in the circle. Sasori sat with Kathryn and Deidara while Tobi, Kakuzu, and Hidan took up the last couch. Zetsu sat on the comfy chair near Tobi.

Once all of our truths were in The Bowl of Wonders I brought in from the kitchen, we were ready to play. We all decided the Kakuzu had to go first because he was the oldest, and so he did.

Technically, Madara was the oldest. But let's not go there.

"I don't sing in the shower, I recite whole movies." He read. His eyebrow rose and he snorted. "What the hell? Hidan?" A few of the others started laughing. Hidan just shook his head with a laugh.

Yeah, that one was mine. I smirked a little bit, playing the part of, "oh who's is that?" so they didn't know it was mine.

"I'm guessing it is Kisame, un." Deidara stated, seeing how he was next in line. "That seems like something he'd do, yeah." I snickered, knowing it was true. Kisame was a movie dork just like me. We watched all kinds of shit together.

"It isn't." Kisame smirked. "I bet it's Alice."

"Shit, you caught me." I swore. He knows me so well.

"That's kind of a weird confession." Zetsu stated. "**Alice is weird in general.** Good point." I just stuck my tongue out at him.

"Excuse me for not singing in the shower. I have a horrible singing voice." I stated. "That's why I don't. Instead, I quote movies."

Itachi kissed the side of my head. "I always thought you were talking to yourself."

"Fuck you Itachi." I pouted. He just chuckled and hugged me, kissing my cheek.

"My turn, un." Deidara stated. He picked one out and raised his eyebrow. "I have a fear of bouncy things, un."

I laughed, already knowing who it was.

"I know who it is." I smiled.

Deidara raised his eyebrow and looked at Kathryn who was beside him. "It's you isn't it un?" He guessed. She just stuck out her lower lip and pouted.

Sasori patted her head. "I'll be sure to force you onto something bouncy when I see one."

"No Danna!" She cried, grabbing a slip of paper. "Blood fascinates me." She frowned. "That could be any one of you creeps."

I was currently watching the other members, already thinking about who was the one who wrote it. I knew it wasn't Deidara, Sasori, Kisame, Kathryn, or Tobi. Hidan was a big maybe, Itachi was a potentially. Zetsu was a huge possibly and Kakuzu was a might.

"Zetsu?" Kathryn questioned.

"No. **It does taste good though.**" Zetsu stated.

Sasori was quiet for a moment before answering. "Hidan?"

"Wasn't me." He said lazily.

Kisame raised his eyebrow. "Alice?"

"Nah, it isn't me." I smiled. "I'm guessing… Itachi."

"Correct." Itachi nodded. "How did you know?"

"Though you're a pacifist, I just get that vibe from you. Also, the word 'fascinates' is way too advanced for most of these people. Plus, Kakuzu, my last option probably deals with enough of it because of Hidan." I explained. "Not to mention, I know you."

He chuckled. "Nicely done."

Sasori picked up a piece of paper. "I wear two pairs of socks on Saturdays and Sundays." He frowned. "That's a bit random. I'm guessing… Tobi."

"Sasori-san!" Tobi pouted. "Tobi has been caught!"

"I love you Tobi!" Kathryn beamed.

"Go Kisa." I snickered.

Kisame withdrew a paper. "I dislike the color orange."

"Well we know it isn't Tobi." I muttered.

"Deidara?" Kisame guessed.

"No, un." Deidara chuckled.

"Kathryn." I said when it was my turn. "She hates the color orange."

"Damn it Alice." Kathryn pouted.

I smirked knowingly before getting myself a piece of paper. "I dislike watching people sleep." I laughed. "Sasori?"

"Indeed." He nodded. "How did you guess?"

"You're the only one who doesn't sleep. My second guess was Zetsu because he spies on people." I elaborated. "I told you I was going to win."

"You only have three." Kakuzu countered. "The rest of us could come back."

I shrugged and watched Itachi get some paper. "I find it gross when people bite their nails." He was silent for a second before his eyes shot to Deidara. "Deidara."

"Shit. How did you know, un?" Deidara asked.

"You just seem like the kind of person who pays attention to appearance." Itachi said calmly. "That, and the fact that you glare at Alice whenever she puts hers near her teeth."

"I don't bite my nails. I just nibble on it so I don't bite it." I sighed.

Deidara shrugged. "It's true, un."

Zetsu took his piece of paper. "**I used to be afraid of the dark.** There's a smiley face on it too." He blinked. "Hidan."

"Fuck." Hidan swore. "You probably used to spy on me you fucker."

"True." Zetsu nodded. "My second guess was Kathryn. **But she still is afraid of the dark, so that is why we didn't pick her.**"

"Tobi's turn." Tobi sang. He grabbed a paper and cocked his head at it. "I hate the taste of burnt meat." He giggled. "Tobi thinks it is Zetsu-san!"

I knew that too. Zetsu avoided eating burnt food at all costs.

"He's right." Zetsu confirmed. "That's why we like when Alice cooks. **She doesn't burn food like the rest of you.**"

"My favorite color is gray." Hidan read. "The fuck?" He frowned a bit. "Kisame?"

"Yep." Kisame smirked.

"It's either gray or blue." I snickered. "Go on Kakuzu."

And so the game went on. I won by one tiny piece of paper. Itachi and Sasori tied for second place and Tobi and Kisame got third. Kakuzu came in last because he didn't see the point in playing after he failed to convince us to bet stuff.

Silly little miser.

* * *

_Kakuzu's greed never gets old._

_**Fun Fact: **I'm not giving you a fun fact because this chapter is full of them._

Answer: _Fucking Itachi. I don't even know why I asked that question. It's obvious as hell._

**QotC:** _How old do you think I am?_

_If my calculations are correct, TearsOfTheFallen was the 800th reviewer._

_However, the rest of you made it possible. And that just brings invisible tears of joy to my eyes because I don't cry._

_If there is something you want... TELL ME! You deserve praise and love and affection! I will give it to you. But I can't draw for shit so don't ask me to draw you something._

_I want you all to know that my brother an I had a thirty minute conversation _on Facebook_ about emos and ways to commit suicide just for the hell of it. It was full of sarcastic comments and I quoted Chris Rock. I love my brother. He's so awesome._

_Well I'm going. Peace out._


	48. Chapter 48

_I'm in a very Kisame mood today..._

_ And I saw Transformers 3 at midnight. It was _awesome.

_Anywhozal, enjoy the chapter. Things are starting to pick up again._

* * *

You know those videos you watch that really touch your heart. The videos that make you want to hug someone. And when they get deep enough, it makes you want to cry?

Yeah, that's happening to me right now.

Currently, I'm sitting all by my lonesome in one of the spare rooms so my anime obsession doesn't get disturbed, and it's probably the worst thing I could do as of now.

Because the video I'm watching is tearing me up inside.

This video shows the death and last words of one of my most favorite people. It is a lovely tribute video made by someone back in my world.

The last words and thoughts of this person had always hit real deep.

Fictional character or not, I love this person more than just about anything.

Kisame Hoshigaki.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I lock my phone as the video ends and I take out the headphones. I slip both items into my pockets and get up from the bed I'm lounging on. I walked to the door and left the room, heading back towards the main parts of the base.

I went to the living room and sat on one of the couches, knowing the person I wanted to see would come in there soon. I ignored the hellos from the others and pulled my phone and headphones out of my pocket. I handed them to Kathryn without a word and then focused my attention on the door.

He came in about three minutes later.

I stood up and walked to him. The second I reached him I hugged him.

Kisame paused, raising his eyebrow at my random hug. "Hey Alice."

I just tightened my grip on him and buried my face into his shirt. It was around that time that he noticed that something was wrong. He was surprisingly, very perceptive. He looked down at me with concern. "Hey kid, are you okay?"

And he was as sweet as they come.

"Kisame." I sighed.

He frowned and picked me up, pulling me into a proper Kisame-hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into the crook of it. He wrapped his arms around my waist and looked at the others for an explanation.

I saw Sasori and Deidara shrug in confusion. Kathryn was watching the video. She must have instantly seen what was wrong because she paused it after a minute and looked up at Kisame and I.

"Kisame. Why don't you go somewhere private with her and just stay with her for a bit?" Kathryn said. "She just needs to hug you for a while."

Kisame stared at her for a minute before shrugging beneath me and carrying me out of the living room and to his. He sat on his bed with me, adjusting me in his grasp. He rested his cheekbone on the top of my head as I rested mine against his chest.

"Are you okay Alice?" Kisame asked.

I blinked as I thought about his question.

Was I okay with watching Kisame die?

No.

Was I okay since I knew I would do _anything_ to keep him from leaving me?

I could live with the idea…

After a time I nodded. I clutched tighter to him though. He looked worried now, but he kept his questions to himself.

**Third Person!**

Itachi entered the living room expecting to find Alice when she wasn't in the spare room, but she wasn't there. Instead, he saw Kathryn crying silently in Deidara's arms while said bomber soothed her. Alice's phone was in Kathryn's hand.

"What's wrong?" Itachi asked. If Alice knew Kathryn was crying, Alice would be killing the cause. However, since Alice wasn't present, he was confused.

Sasori looked away from Kathryn to Itachi. "She watched a video on Alice's phone and now she's crying." He looked at Itachi. "Something's obviously wrong with Alice too. She's with Kisame."

Kathryn looked at Sasori and wiped the tears from her eyes as she tried to compose herself. "She's with him because he's the only one who can soothe her, Danna." She looked at Itachi. "Since you guys are so loved by the people in our world, tribute videos are made in your honor. This one in particular was about a very touchy subject for Alice. It's what Alice and I both watched."

"What was it, un?" Deidara wondered, stroking her back gently.

"Kisame and his death." Kathryn stated, biting her lip. She clutched onto Deidara.

Itachi's eyes narrowed. "I see."

Sasori sighed. "You two shouldn't watch it if it's going to make you cry."

"But Kisame's last words are heart wrenching." Kathryn whispered. "And that's just my opinion. I can barely imagine how Alice feels right now. Kisame is to her as you are to me, Danna."

Itachi sighed. "I'm going to check on her." He paused to look at Kathryn. "It will be fine, Kathryn. Kisame will not fall."

She nodded. "If Alice worked as hard as she did to save Danna and Dei, there's no telling how hard she'll work to protect you and Kisame."

Itachi dipped his head before leaving the room. He found Kisame's chakra coming out of his room and so he silently entered. Kisame was sitting on his bed, petting Alice. Alice was almost asleep in his arms, clutching onto him as if he was going to disappear.

"Do you know what caused this?" Kisame asked, gesturing down at Alice with his head.

Itachi nodded. "I'll tell you in a moment." He stroked Alice's face. "Let her fall asleep."

Alice was out in the next few minutes, still clutching onto Kisame.

"Alright, tell me." Kisame said after a time.

Itachi sighed. "Alice watched a video about our world today."

"And?" Kisame wondered.

"It was about you." Itachi informed him.

"So she's been clutching onto me like she's afraid I'm going to disappear, simply because I was in the video she watched today…" Kisame said with a raised eyebrow.

Itachi stared at him. "The video was of your death."

Kisame blinked. "What?"

"Alice essentially just watched you die." Itachi said calmly. "That is the reason behind her holding onto you like she is."

Kisame looked down at Alice and sighed. "Poor kid."

"Alice has had to watch all of us die." Itachi sighed. "You're the one who died but the way she takes it; you'd think she's the one who dies."

Kisame rested his cheek on her head. "She's such a sweet kid." He ran his fingers through her hair. She shifted in her sleep and leaned closer to him. "We really need to ban her from watching those videos. If it's going to affect her like this, I don't want her to watch them."

"I agree, but it's her decision." Itachi stated. "We have no right to force her to do something. Besides, it's only when it has to deal with us that she is affected like this."

"You're right." Kisame grunted. He kissed Alice's head.

Alice shifted in her sleep and her breathing changed. She sighed quietly. "Kisa."

He raised his eyebrow. "What?"

"Don't leave me. Okay?" She whispered.

Kisame chuckled. "I won't. I promise."

She smiled slightly. "Good. Because me and Itachi need you." She paused for a moment to nuzzle him slightly. "I love you Kisame."

He smiled. "I love you too kiddo."

Itachi stroked Alice's cheek. "Alice, are you alright?"

"Hey babe." Alice said, opening her eyes to look at Itachi. "I'm okay. I just needed to hold onto Kisame for a while."

The door burst open and Kathryn rushed into the room, her eyes pouring tears. "KISAME! I tried to wait until later but I couldn't!" She threw herself on the shark, hugging him tightly. "I love you, you incredible shark you."

Kisame looked slightly frightened at the sudden embrace. "Thanks? I love you too?"

Sasori sighed from the doorway as Kathryn just started crying again and hugged him. "I tried to keep her away. But she couldn't help it."

**First Person Alice!**

Kathryn is the only person I'll share my shark with. Though, I think she was making my shark uncomfortable with her enthusiasm.

"Kathryn, you're ruining the atmosphere Kisame and I created." I sighed. "Tits or GTFO."

"How are you not bawling your eyes out?" Kathryn demanded. "I start crying just _thinking _about Danna or Deidara getting _hurt_. You just _watched_ Kisame _die_ and you're not crying."

"I can control my emotions." I reminded her. "Plus, I wouldn't want to make it awkward for Kisame by crying all over him like you're doing."

"Can we have this discussion when you're not clinging to me?" Kisame asked with a smirk. Images of the video I just recently watched flashed through my mind so I hugged Kisame again.

"Yeah, just let me finish hugging you." I told him. He chuckled and tightened his grip on me, resting his head against mine.

"Awe." Kathryn cooed. "You guys are so sweet." She looked around at Sasori and Deidara. "Look at them." She pointed at us. "It's so cute."

I glared at her. "Shut up."

She elbowed Itachi. "Looks like you've got some fishy competition weasel."

Itachi raised an eyebrow at her.

"Kathryn, my love for Kisame is extreme and I love him more than anything, but my love for him is different than my love for Itachi. I love them both, but it's a different kind of love." I told her. "Now shutty the mouthy and leave me and my fishy and my weasel alone."

"OI!" Hidan shouted from somewhere. "Crazy bitch! We need you for planning shit!"

I sighed. "Fuck my life." I hugged Kisame once more before I kissed his cheek and got off his lap. I hugged and kissed Itachi before patting Kathryn's head. As I passed Sasori and Deidara I patted them as well and walked out of the room.

"Alice." Itachi stated, following after me.

I stopped and looked back at him, raising my eyebrow. "Yes sexy?"

He wrapped his arms around me when he reached me. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." I nodded. "I get to go and make Hidan look like an idiot." He smiled. "Not that, that's hard to do…"

He kissed my forehead. "Make it quick."

"Gotchya." I nodded, kissing him.

"BITCH!" Hidan shouted.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP HIDAN! I'M COMING YOU FUCKING MORON!" I yelled.

"WELL HURRY YOUR SHIT UP!" He retorted loudly.

I glared. "I swear I'll kill him. WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING GET STUCK IN SHIKAMARU'S HOLE YOU LOUD FUCKER?"

"That's enough!" Kakuzu's deep voice snapped from somewhere in the base. "Alice."

"Coming Kakuzu dearest!" I called with a smile. I kissed Itachi's cheek. "Bye babe."

"I'll see you later Alice." He called after me as I skipped down the hallway towards Kakuzu and Hidan. We had some shit to cover before they left in two days.

* * *

"Babe." I whispered, nudging Itachi with my nose. "Itachi, my sexy lover."

He grunted tiredly.

I giggled. "Itachi, you need to get up. We have to go see Hidan and Kakuzu off." He grumbled into his pillow. "I wanna go Itachi. Please?"

He lifted his head off his pillow and turned to look at me. His narrowed eyes softened when he saw my pout in place. He sighed and rolled to his side before he pulled me into a hug. "Alright, we'll go." He kissed my forehead. "Don't make that face."

I smirked. "I still got it."

He raised his eyebrow at me but I shook my head, kissed him again and extracted myself from his arms to go and hop by the door. I waited for him like an over excited dog waiting to be let out of the house.

He chuckled at me and wrapped his arm around my waist before he opened the door. We walked together to the entrance hall thing to see everyone except for the two leaving already there.

Kathryn looked dead as she leaned against Deidara. "So early in the morning…"

"Shut up Kathryn." I smiled.

She looked at me. "Since when are you a morning person?"

"Since I have sexy man to look at when I wake up." I informed her, resting my head on Itachi's shoulder. He chuckled and shook his head at my antics.

"Good point." She said as she gazed at Deidara. Deidara chuckled and kissed her forehead.

"You're cute, un." He told her. She grinned and latched onto him.

"You two are late." Sasori commented. At first I thought he was talking about me and Itachi but then I noticed he wasn't even looking in my direction.

I followed his gaze to see Kakuzu and Hidan walking towards us. Hidan looked pissed and Kakuzu was stoic as usual.

"Good morning sunshine." I chimed as I released Itachi and skipped over to Hidan. I hugged him tightly. "Be careful my brother of the faith. I'll meet up with you guys after you get the two-tails."

Hidan grunted and hugged me back. "Whatever."

"I will pray to Jashin for your success." I smiled. He looked down at me before smirking and patting my head.

"That's my crazy bitch." He told me.

I fucking love this Jashinist.

I laughed before glomping Kakuzu. He returned my hug with one arm, patting my head gently. "Bye Kakuzu. Be careful and keep Hidan in line. I give you permission to keep your pimp hand strong."

He chuckled. "I will."

"I'll see you guys soon." I told him. "Then I'll be there to help you out."

"Good." He grunted. "Behave kid."

"No promises." I smiled. He chuckled and I moved out of the way as Kathryn attempted to tackle him. Kakuzu was too sturdy however and she bounced off of him. Hidan, Kisame, Deidara, and I laughed at her.

The goodbyes went quickly, Pein gave his usual brief speech and soon the giant ass rock doors opened for Kakuzu and Hidan to depart. They did, running with incredible speed until they were out of sight.

* * *

_Soon Alice will be helping the Zombie Brothers. Will they survive? Only time can tell._

_Thank you all for the birthday wishes and what not. And to you who asked me to friend you on facebook, if you try to hunt me down, I'll fucking kill you._

_But, on a happier note, I found a bunch of videos on my laptop of me and Kathryn fucking around. They're so amusing._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ Kathryn's father is a teacher down in Georgia. She goes down there in the summer to spend time with him. Alice/me miss her a lot._

Answer: _I am 17. 22 was the oldest age. I was a bit surprised about that one. And I believe 13 was the youngest. Trust me guys, if I was 13, I wouldn't make Alice cuss as much as she does nor would I have wrote you a lemon because when I was 13, I was still scared of all of that stuff. Take it from someone who has both walked in on their parents and had a boyfriend like jerkface Adam. When you're 13 and go through that shit, you don't want anything to do with sex. Outside of perversness, that is.  
_

**QotC:** _Who is your favorite superhero?_

_So, I had a Darth Vader piggy bank from when I was like... 12 and my dad took it to his office with him. It plays the Imperial March and has James Earl Jones talking and shit. It's pretty awesome. But now he takes my Harry Potter lunch box and Draco Malfoy thermos with him just to confuse people and amuse me. I love my dad. We're so much alike. _

_Anyways, good day my dears. I will see you on Monday with the next chapter. (Which I already have pretty much typed)_

_Byeee~_


	49. Chapter 49

_Happy birthday America, and to my Facebook husband. (He's the lifeguard from CYK)_

_The storyline is starting to get back in action. Alice and the Zombie pair are going to have some together time._

_What could possibly go wrong?_

_I don't own Naruto so enjoy the chapter._

* * *

"Ouch damn it." I swore, rubbing my side. "Deidara, you're an asshole."

Said terrorist chuckled. "Sorry, un." He smiled at me. "You gave me a pretty nasty bruise on my back. It hurts, yeah."

"My apologies." I said sheepishly.

Sasori rolled his eyes at us. "That's what you get when you tackle each other down the stairs. It was uncalled for and random. Just like everything else dealing with the pair of you. You two are both idiots."

"He provoked me." I muttered. "All that yellow hair."

Deidara laughed. "She started it. She tackled me first, un."

"I thought it was funny." Kathryn chimed, shrugging as she leaned against Sasori.

Currently the four of us were in the kitchen. Deidara was lying on the counter with a huge icepack so he could ice the big ass bruise I left on his back. I was sitting at the table, rubbing my side and the giant bruise he left there.

As Sasori had said, it was just kind of a random thing. As everyone knows, Deidara and I attack each other every now and then just for fun. I had gotten him this morning when we were in the living room. He was standing behind the couch and I tackled him by jumping over it.

He got me back by catching me at the top of the stairs. I was talking to Kisame who was at the bottom of them when suddenly I get linebacker tackled from behind and Deidara's on top of me, laughing his ass off as we roll down the stairs into said shark.

Our usual wrestling matches ensued both times and we had to be pried apart. The first time Itachi and Sasori had to tear us apart. The second time, Kisame and Zetsu did.

It was fun.

I love Deidara.

"You two are dorks." Kisame snickered as he entered the room. Itachi came in after him. I think they both were repairing the door Deidara and I took out in our wrestling match.

"You could have hurt her Deidara." Itachi scolded. "You need to be more careful."

Deidara scoffed and pointed at me dramatically. "She did more damage to me, un!"

I smiled. "He's right you know." I looked at Itachi. "I started it babe."

"This is true. However, you'll have to join Kakuzu and Hidan at any time and you need to be rested and unharmed." Itachi informed me. "And you cannot accomplish this if you and Deidara are attempting to kill each other every other hour."

I looked away guiltily. "It's fun though."

"Alice." He said in a scolding tone.

I pouted. "I'm sorry Itachi." I gave him my pouting face. "Do you forgive me?"

He stared at me before sighing in defeat. "Yes I do."

I grinned. "Score one Alice!" I punched the air.

"You're too forgiving." Sasori sighed, looking at Itachi.

Itachi shot a glare at him before looking away tenaciously and sniffing stubbornly. "I don't like it when Alice pouts."

"It's heart wrenching!" Kathryn agreed. "Worse than the Kisame-pout."

"No it isn't." I disagreed. I hugged my shark who had sat beside me. "Kisame's pouting face is one of the cutest things I've ever seen."

"Alice. **Pein wants to see you.** It's about Hidan and Kakuzu." Zetsu growled, entering the room. "**Make it quick, kid.**"

I raised my eyebrow. "Okay?" I got up from the table, hugged Kisame and kissed Itachi on my way out. I hurried to Pein's office to see Madara also in there. "Yo guys. What's up?"

"The time for you to join Hidan and Kakuzu approaches. They have engaged the two tails." Pein told me. "Madara will be taking you to meet up with them soon. Get ready and say your goodbyes."

I nodded. "And you needed to call me in here to tell me that? You could have just told Zetsu. I don't want to waste your time Pein."

He shook his head. "It's no trouble, Alice." His eyebrow twitched and I bit my lower lip in response. He smirked and so did I. Madara was silent, obviously confused.

"So where's Konan? I wanna say goodbye to her real quick." I said, looking around for the blue haired woman.

"I'm right here Alice." Konan's sweet voice said from the window thingy. I glomped her when I found her.

"Bye Konan. I'll miss you. Feel free to beat the guys if they annoy you. Kathryn will help." I told her.

She smiled at me. "Be careful okay? This is going to be dangerous."

"I'll be alright. I trust Hidan and Kakuzu." I told her. "I gotta go and double check my stuff. I'll see you Konan." She nodded, squeezed me again before letting me go.

I ran over to Pein and we performed our super awesome handshake to the amusement of both of us. Madara chuckled at our relationship and Konan giggled. I saluted my leaders before leaving the room, skipping back to my weasel.

The occupants of the kitchen looked up as I entered the room.

"What did he want?" Itachi asked.

"Tobi's taking me to Kakuzu and Hidan in a little while. They're fighting the two-tails as we speak." I informed him. He nodded and grabbed my hand, pulling me onto his lap so he could hold me.

"Promise me you'll be careful." He whispered in my ear.

"I promise." I assured him. "I'll be fine. This showdown isn't any more dangerous than Sasori and Deidara's fight. I'll just have to make sure that Kakuzu and Hidan don't leave each other's side. We've went through the plan multiple times before they left. Hidan's even memorized them."

Sasori looked at me carefully. "While your planning is nearly flawless, Kakuzu and Hidan's attacks are a bit… extreme. Be sure to remind Kakuzu to watch out for you. They both tend to go a little overboard."

"Yeah, we went over that." I smiled. "Trust me guys, I'll be fine. I might get scratched up a bit, but I'm not going to die. I swear."

"You better not, un." Deidara said firmly. "Who else am I going to wrestle with, yeah?"

I laughed. "I'll stay alive just for you Dei."

Kisame kissed the top of my head. "Be careful kid. We don't need to destroy Konoha too soon." I kissed his cheek in response, promising him I would be careful.

Kathryn hugged me while I was being held by Itachi. "I know you'll be okay, but try not to get hurt alright? I'll be antsy enough without you here."

"I promise Kat." I said with a smile. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and check my shit so I'm prepared." I got off of Itachi's lap, noticing happily that he was getting up to follow me. I paused beside Zetsu and shared my love with him.

"Hug for Zetsu because I don't know if I'll get a proper one later." I hummed as I hugged the plant man. His white half chuckled and hugged me back.

"**Be careful, brat.**" His black side ordered. I kissed both of his cheeks before leaving the room with my weasel.

Itachi walked with me to our room and as soon as the door closed behind us, he had me pinned to the bed, kissing me passionately.

Like always, he was conveying his emotions to me, trying with all his might to let me know just how much he loved me and how much he was going to miss me through the gesture. Smiling at his love, I sent the very same feelings right back at him.

Itachi released me when breathing became necessary and he nuzzled my cheek with his nose. "Alice, I love you."

"I love you too Itachi." I whispered breathlessly back to him. "More than anything."

He rested his forehead against mine and looked into my eyes with his beautiful black ones. "I wish you didn't have to leave."

"I do too babe. More than you know." I said, running my fingers gently over his flawless cheek. "I'll come back to you as quickly as I can. I promise." I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love you Itachi. Please take care of yourself while I'm gone."

He wrapped his arms around me, burying his face into my neck. "I will. I love you with my entire being Alice."

"Likewise my love." I smiled.

He pulled back to look at me. "Do you need to get your things?"

I shook my head. "I rechecked everything the last time I came in here. I just wanted to use it as an excuse to come in here and be with you."

Itachi smiled. "I love the way your mind works."

"I don't." I admitted with a laugh. I cuddled into him. "This is nice."

"I agree." Itachi agreed. He ran his fingers through my hair gently.

I'm not sure how long we stayed like that, but we did it. Itachi held me in his arms and I held him in mine and we hugged and kissed just like we should. I couldn't even give you a proper estimate on how many times I told him I loved him and vice versa.

A knock sounded on the door and we both looked up.

"Come in." I said.

Tobi hopped into the room. "Is Alice-chan ready to go?"

I looked over at my stuff. "Yeah Tobi, I'm ready to go." I sat up, still holding Itachi's hand. "When are we leaving buddy?"

"Tobi will take Alice-chan after she says bye to everyone!" Tobi chirped.

I stood up and grabbed my bag that was filled with everything I couldn't carry on my person. I had my phone and my iPod in my pocket. Their chargers as well as my clothes were in my bag which I would give to Kakuzu once I reached him and he would store it in a scroll.

I walked over to Tobi once I put my shoes on and patted his head. "You're a good boy, Tobi." He giggled and hugged me, breaking my body.

He practically carried me to the kitchen where everyone, save Pein, Zetsu, and Konan, was. Zetsu had gone to go and get the two-tails.

I hugged Kisame and we said our goodbyes before I was glomped by Kathryn. She and I shared a goodbye and as soon as she let me go, Deidara was there. He fucked up my hair and gave me a hug telling me to get ready to fight him.

Typical Dei.

I moved onto Sasori once my goodbyes to Deidara were over and I hugged the puppet man who patted my head gently. We shared a few sarcastic comments and I attacked him with another hug before I went straight back to Itachi.

I gave him the kiss and hug that he deserved, promising him that I would come back to him quickly while he promised me that he would take care of himself.

Once my goodbyes were done and over with, I turned back to Tobi. "Alright Tobi, you ready to go buddy?"

Tobi nodded enthusiastically and jumped on me. "Tobi will take Alice-chan now!" He hugged me tightly and I smiled at the others before I was being spirited away by my most favorite piece of badass candy.

"Thanks Tobi." I told him once he released me.

Madara's Sharingan flashed at me. "You're welcome Alice. Before you trust Hidan and Kakuzu, ask them a question only they would know, just in case. I will stay with you until we're sure they aren't fakes."

I nodded and looked around until I discovered Kakuzu's giant form. His head was sticking above one of the ruins so I hurried over to him. "Kakuzu."

He looked in my direction and nodded when he saw me. I looked at Hidan and saw him sitting up, removing his pike from his middle. "Hey Hidan." I added.

"Sup bitch?" He grunted as he got to his feet.

"Question: what is the first thing I did when you guys returned to your original selves in my bathroom back when we first met?" I asked.

Kakuzu raised his eyebrow at the question. "You grabbed Konan and ran out of the room."

"Then you started fucking ordering us around or you'd 'fix us' or some shit." Hidan added. "Why?"

I glanced at Tobi who was standing behind me and he nodded. "Just wondering if you remembered." I sighed. "Ready to go?"

"We're just waiting on you." Kakuzu growled. "You can go now Tobi. Good job."

Tobi beamed. "Tobi is a good boy! He will see Alice-chan later!" He hugged me, whispering a "be careful" in my ear before he disappeared in a swirl.

"Alright." Kakuzu stated. "Let's go." He looked at Hidan. "You're carrying her if we have to move fast."

I know I'm annoying and stuff but damn…

Was I that bad?

Hidan waved him off. "Alright, whatever."

"As long as he doesn't molest me again, I'm okay with it." I shrugged. I jogged over to them to catch up with Kakuzu who had already started walking. The miser chuckled at that.

"Hey! Wait for me!" Hidan shouted. I smiled and walked backwards, watching him hurry along to catch up with us. Once he reached us, he flicked me in the forehead.

"Fucker." I growled, rubbing my forehead. Then I smiled and hugged him. "I missed you guys. And now we get to have some serious bonding time! I'm excited."

He chuckled and returned my hug with one arm. "Damn straight bitch."

* * *

_I'm excited about their bonding myself. Mainly because I already know what's going to happen in the next chapter. :)_

_**Fun Fact:** Alice has a severe hatred of birds. Why? No one knows._

Answer: _I didn't really think about this before hand. Sigh... Uh... I'd have to say my favorite superhero is probably Superman, Iron Man, or the Green Lantern because he was black in the cartoon. Superman was kind of ruined for me when my dad bought Superman boxers and walked around with the theme playing... And I love Robert/Tony Stark._

**QotC:** _Favorite Villian? I know you guys like the bad guys. If you didn't, you wouldn't be reading this story._

_I was told I'm a very intimidating and scary person today. Do you guys get that vibe? I know I'm rather hostile and I'm a bitch, but... I was told this by a really old uncle or something that I haven't seen since I was like 5. I guess it's pretty bad then. I try to keep my hatred and personality out of my writing as much as I can, but sometimes it gets past me. Imagine a forever pissed off Alice and you have me on a good day.  
_

_For those of you asking about a Deidara and Kat oneshot... I'm undecided on it. Honestly, it will be extremely difficult to write because Kathryn is like my child/sister. I don't want to think about her doing anything sexual out of a desire to protect her as well as it just being something I don't want to think about. Imagine your sibling doing that and you'd understand what I'm talking about._

_Anyways, my sister and her two daughters moved in with us because her babies' daddy was a piece of shit. I wasn't allowed to help her move because my mom and dad were afraid I'd kill him. I usually carry around some sort of knife or pointy object with me so I would have stabbed him had I saw him. He left her for some bitch he met on WoW. Fucking asshole better watch his back._

_Also, I'm undecided on killing Asuma. In my plans, he dies so you Asuma fans are probably going to have to live with it. It is necessary for Shikamaru to become emo and badass and whatnot. So he's probably going to die. My apologies to those who love him, but Alice can't rid Hidan of his fun. And you know I'm too fucking lazy to.  
_

_:) But anyways, happy 4th of July for those Americans reading my story and for those nonAmericans, happy day to you anyways because I love you._

_I'm not even going to say no homo anymore because I'm pretty sure we've established that I'm not in love with any of you in that way._

_I have a feeling there was other stuff I was going to talk about on this... but I don't remember what it was right now. I'll remember it in like ten minutes but oh well._

_See you._


	50. Chapter 50

_Ah, hello. Here is the next chapter._

_Please enjoy this chapter that uses characters that I do not own._

* * *

Traveling with Hidan and Kakuzu was… interesting to say the least.

They bickered non-stop the entire time. I will now never understand why people get annoyed with me and Sasori when Hidan and Kakuzu argue this much. I mean, it made me and Sasori's sarcasm battles, which were mean and a daily thing, seem kind and rare.

Every little thing started an argument even if it was just a sneeze. I do have to confess that Hidan was the instigator of 98% of the fights. But Kakuzu always ended the fights, even the 1% of fights that he started. I started 1% of these fights as well and Kakuzu ended it by keeping me and Hidan away from each other and gagging me.

I screamed tentacle rape for a mile. He was not a happy camper.

Hidan enjoyed it though.

Currently we had just reached the boarder of fire country and we were looking for a good place to make camp. As usual, Kakuzu and Hidan were bickering. Hidan was giving me a piggy back ride and I was cutting sticks and branches with his scythe which I was allowed to play with. Sure I could have used my sword for utter destruction to the trees, seeing as it's always with me, but there are a few reasons I didn't.

My sword is special so I'm not going to risk damaging it out of boredom. I really only use it for training with Kisame. Hidan's scythe needed to be held because he was carrying me so it was already in my hands. And also, Hidan's scythe had a larger range.

Thus, more fun.

"Ouch you bitch, watch where you're cutting them branches, that almost fucking hit me in the head." Hidan swore, jumping back slightly to dodge the branch I cut.

I smiled. "Sorry Hidan." I rested my head on his shoulder. "How much longer before we find a place to crash?"

"Not long." Kakuzu grunted at me. "If my map is correct, there is a secluded clearing with a stream that we can camp in."

"Sweet." I nodded. "Hidan, you should entertain me."

"Why the fuck do I have to entertain you? I'm fucking carrying you. I have been all damn day." He growled. "You entertain me."

I sighed and bit his ear. "Like how?"

"I don't fucking know. Don't bite my ear though you fucking nutcase." He snapped.

I tilted my head against his and set my chin on his shoulder. "You have a lot of room to talk." When he glared at me out of the corner of his eye I smiled. "I could sing for you if you want me to."

Hidan looked skeptical. "Sing what?"

"It's just a little song that describes your relationship with Kakuzu perfectly." I smiled. "Would you like to hear it?"

He noticed my smile and shook his head. "No. I wouldn't. Fucking psycho."

Kakuzu agreed with him, saying he just wanted silence.

"Darn." I laughed. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my iPod. I put one of the headphones in Hidan's ear before I put the other one in mine. He shook his head at my antics, knowing I was going to fuck with him, and looked back at the road.

I clicked on Best Friends by Toybox and it started playing. "This is the song for you and Kakuzu."

He got through the first verse before he was glaring daggers at me, swearing up a storm. Laughing at his reaction, I switched the song to The Masochism Tango by Tom Lehrer. He started cracking up laughing, especially when I started serenading him with it.

"You're such a fucking weirdo." He assured me.

I smiled. "You would know my dear Jashinist."

He nodded, considering my statement. "True."

"We're here." Kakuzu grunted.

I looked around to see we were in a little clearing surrounded by thick trees. A deep stream/creek thing was running through it. It was a nice place to camp.

Hidan dropped me and I landed on my ass. I glared up at him, kicking him in the back of the leg before I got up, brushed myself off and marched over to where Kakuzu was setting his stuff down. I sat beside the miser and stuck my tongue out at Hidan.

"Asshole. That's why I like Kakuzu more than you." I crossed my arms stubbornly before latching onto Kakuzu. "He's so much nicer than you."

Hidan scoffed. "Whatever you say bitch."

Kakuzu sighed. "What have I gotten myself into?"

I laughed at his tone. "Sorry Kakuzu." I let him go. "I'll try not to annoy you like I did earlier." I referred to the tentacle rape issue.

"That was fucking hilarious." Hidan laughed. "You should have seen your fucking face."

"Shut up, Hidan." Kakuzu snapped.

I smiled at their relationship before rolling away from Kakuzu unnecessarily and curling into a ball. "So who is keeping watch? I will."

"You're not a ninja. Therefore, you will not notice any potential dangers before they are right on us." Kakuzu stated.

I pouted. "But I wanna help." He just looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"You wouldn't do anything to help us." Kakuzu stated. "You can't sense chakra or detect those trained in stealth, Alice." I pouted again.

"I'll fucking do it." Hidan shrugged. "I'm not tired yet."

"Very well." Kakuzu grunted. "Alice, go to sleep. Hidan will keep first watch." He looked at his partner. "Wake me up when you get tired."

"Got it fucker." Hidan said, waving him off.

I watched Kakuzu settle down for bed before I crawled over to Hidan. I lay beside him and used his legs as my pillow. He smirked at me and patted my head, allowing me to use him. He pet me absently, trying to help me sleep.

"Night Hidan." I said. "Good night Kakuzu."

The miser grunted at me and Hidan flicked my forehead.

I fell asleep soon after.

I woke up from a nightmare some time later, realizing my head was on a folded shirt rather than Hidan's legs. Said Jashinist was lying beside me. I was cuddled up against him and he was holding me, petting my hair.

"You're alright kid." He soothed, realizing I was awake.

I sighed. "Sorry Hidan."

"It's alright." He said quietly. "Go to sleep. Or I'll fucking knock you out."

I nodded and pressed closer to him. He wasn't Itachi, Kisame, or Sasori, but he was nice. Hidan had his own special ways that made me feel safe and happy.

"Go to sleep Hidan. I'll take over." Kakuzu growled from somewhere on Hidan's other side. "Make sure she doesn't have any more of those nightmares. We don't need her tired."

"Sorry Kakuzu." I called over Hidan's shoulder.

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it kid. Hidan woke you up before it got bad." He leaned against a tree. "Go to sleep. We're leaving in a few hours."

I nodded. "Kay." Hidan tightened his hold around me when I rested my head against his collarbone. "Thanks Hidan."

"Don't fucking mention it." He grunted tiredly.

Did you guys know Hidan snores?

Well he does. Really fucking loud.

I fell asleep soon after I started trying, and Hidan woke me up sometime later with his fucking snoring. I sat up and looked at Kakuzu who was glaring daggers at the silver haired immortal, willing his head to explode.

He noticed I was awake and chuckled. "Did his snoring wake you up?"

"I'm not entirely sure why there aren't Konoha ninja surrounding us right now. I'm pretty sure they can hear him from the village." I muttered, staring at Hidan.

It sounded like he had a microphone connected to an amp, connected to a chainsaw with a jet engine. It was loud and it sounded rather painful.

It made me appreciate Kisame's adorable quiet snoring so much more.

"Can I wake him up?" I asked. "This is ridiculous."

Kakuzu nodded. "Go for it. We can get an early start."

I smiled at him before turning my attention back to Hidan who still had a death grip on me. I poke his cheek. "Hidan. Wake up you loud fucker."

Hidan twitched in his sleep and rolled over, pinning me beneath him. I grunted. "Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me."

I could hear Kakuzu chuckling at my situation.

"Hidan!" I snapped. "Get the fuck up!"

Hidan grunted in his slumber and situated himself into a more comfortable position, adjusting his hold on me until he found a good spot to put his head.

On my fucking boobs.

He was burying his face into them sleepily…

"HIDAN!" I shouted. "LET ME GO!"

Hidan jumped up, grabbing his scythe, looking around for danger. "What?"

I sat up and punched him in the head. "You fucking pervert."

He winced, grabbing his head. "What the fuck was that for?"

Kakuzu was laughing. That asshole.

"I'm sleeping with Kakuzu next time." I snarled. "Fucking pervert, rubbing his face against my boobs… I know they're big, but that doesn't mean you can use them as a fucking pillow." I pointed at him threateningly. "Itachi will hear about this."

Hidan raised his eyebrow. "What in the fuck are you talking about?" He looked at Kakuzu. "And what the fuck are you laughing about?"

I punched him again before marching over to Kakuzu. I stood beside him, crossed my arms and put on the stubborn, I'm-a-huge-bitch aura.

Kakuzu smirked at Hidan, still chortling. "You essentially just rubbed your face all over Alice's chest in your sleep. She was trying to wake you up and you unconsciously molested her."

Hidan's jaw dropped and he looked at me. He pointed at himself. "I did what?"

"Pervert." I growled.

He shook his head. "I didn't mean to. I was fucking sleeping! I was dreaming!"

"About what?" I snapped.

"Uh…" He paused. "I don't remember." He said guiltily.

I glared. "You were having perverted dreams weren't you?"

He looked away from me. "I can't help it that you have a nice rack, bitch."

"Kakuzu, can I kill him?" I asked, pointing at Hidan with a glare that could destroy worlds.

He chuckled. "No you can't." He patted my head. "Get your things Hidan, we're heading out soon. We'll eat and then we'll get going."

I pouted and crossed my arms stubbornly, glaring at Hidan from across the camp. I might have been overreacting a bit, but I'm happily in a relationship with Itachi. I love Hidan and all, but I don't love him enough to let him unconsciously motorboat me.

Hidan, Kakuzu, and I ate some food and then we were off. I traveled in silence along with Kakuzu while Hidan filled the area with his complaining.

After a time I withdrew my phone from my pocket and texted Kathryn. _Bitch._

A few minutes later, she replied. _Hi Momma. How are you?_

I shot a glare at Hidan over my shoulder before replying. _I'm fine, but Hidan ruined my day. He was sleeping next to me out in the middle of the woods while Kakuzu took second watch and he rolled on top of me when I was trying to wake him up and started rubbing his face all over my fucking boobs. I was not happy._

**Third Person!**

Miles away in the Akatsuki base, Kathryn who was sitting on Deidara's lap in the kitchen opened the new text message from Alice. She raised her eyebrow as she read before her jaw dropped and she jumped to her feet.

"Oh my Jashin!" Kathryn squealed in excitement and shock. "Oh Itachi is gonna kill him!" She hurriedly sent "_OMJ ITACHI'S GONNA COMMIT MURDER!_" To her best friend before wheeling around to address Deidara who looked utterly confused.

"What's going on un?" Deidara asked.

"Who is Itachi going to kill?" Sasori wondered, looking away from an old mission scroll he discovered.

Kathryn jumped up and down in her spot and showed Deidara the text message Alice sent her. "Itachi's gonna kill Hidan!"

Deidara read the text and his expression went from curiosity to amusement to a frown. "Hidan's such a pervert, un."

Kathryn span around to show Sasori. "Here Danna."

Sasori took the device from her and read it before he chuckled. "I'm eager to witness this. Though I wish I had been there to witness Alice's reaction. That must have been amusing."

"I'm going to find Itachi." Kathryn grinned. She snatched her phone back from Sasori when he offered it. "Do you know where he is?"

Deidara was quiet for a moment, his eyes closed in concentration as he searched for the weasel. "He's outside training with Kisame, un. Be careful yeah." Kathryn kissed his cheek before doing the same to Sasori and ran out of the room.

She ran through the many hallways of the base before she reached the outdoor training grounds. Itachi and Kisame were walking back towards the base when she emerged. With a grin she ran over to the pair.

"Hey Kathryn. What's up?" Kisame asked, grinning at her.

"Hi Kisame." Kathryn beamed. "Hi Itachi."

Itachi dipped his head at her. "Hello Kathryn. What are you doing out here?"

"I have to show you something important." Kathryn stated. She paused. "Hold on a second." She checked her messages, snickering at Alice's reply.

_He'll have to beat me to it._

Kathryn grinned and sent her a smiley face before finding the informative text Alice sent before and showed it to Itachi.

Itachi gently took the phone from Kathryn so he could read it easily. His eyes zoomed through Alice's message before a deadly aura erupted around him. "I'll kill him."

"What?" Kisame asked awkwardly. His question was answered by Itachi showing him the message. He frowned after a second and his eyes narrowed. "He's dead."

Kathryn jumped up and down. "You two are so cute."

"I would like to speak with Hidan." Itachi growled.

"Okay. Come inside. Danna said he wants to see you kill him." Kathryn smiled, taking her phone back from Kisame. Itachi "hned" and trailed after her with Kisame. She skipped into the kitchen ahead of them once they reached it and to Deidara.

"Itachi's gonna kill him~!" She sang cheerfully.

Deidara looked at Itachi, noticing the murderous aura. "I can tell, un."

Sasori chuckled. "I look forward to it."

Kathryn handed Itachi the phone. "Here you go."

Itachi took the device and held it up to his ear.

"_Hello?_" Alice asked in confusion.

"Alice, I would like to speak to Hidan." Itachi said calmly. He was certain Alice could hear the anger in his voice despite its calmness.

Alice's grin could be heard in her reply. "_Sure thing babe._"

* * *

_Uh oh. Hidan's going to get itt..._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ Alice is terrified of unstable heights. She won't stand up on chairs or beds but she'll ride rollarcoasters._

Answer:_ Super villain was the question right? Yes. My favorite SUPER villain would have to be either Magneto, Venom, or just about any one of Batman's villains. The Penguin makes me lol. Favorite non Super villain... I'd have to say the Espada or Akatsuki._

**QotC:**_ This isn't a question so much as an order. All of you, give me death threats. I'm going to be using them for the next chapter and I need some good ones. I'll obviously be giving you credit and whatnot. So, death threats! **Go!**_

_One of you asked about Alice's sword. It is there, but she doesn't use it much because there hasn't really been a use for it. I mean, it won't really do anything against a fucking ninja. And she really only uses it to spar with Kisame and stab Hidan. The only reason she keeps it on her is because Kisame orders her to. Idk._

_Anyways, who is going to see Harry Potter 7 part 2 at midnight when it comes out? I already have my ticket and everything. :D Dani is excited._

_Anyone who makes fanart for this story(IDC if it's not perfect or whatever. I can't draw to save my life) will get a oneshot of anything they want with just about any character(s). If you don't want a oneshot, tell me what you want and I will attempt to deliver. _ZetsusNeko_, you can have whatever you want because you already made me a pretty picture. And whoever gets the 900th review will also get a present from me of their choice. Why? Because I love you guys.  
_

_Yesterday was _Akatsuki's a Bang_'s birthday so a happy belated birthday "shout out" to her. Should it be type out? I have no idea._

_I hung out with Brandon and Sethy-Poo today just for funzies and we loitered in Taco Bell's parking lot until like midnight... Yeah. We're cool. Leave us alone. But, there was another pair of people there too and I swear that guy was getting some road/parkinglot head. I apologize to you innocent minds who don't know what that is. I wish I didn't.  
_

_Anywhozal. I went to the HUGE mall that is further away than my local mall and the FYE there had an Akatsuki beanie, a cloak, headbands, plushies of some of the characters, box sets, and necklaces. I flipped a shit and my brother and two of my other guy friends literally had to _**drag**_ me out of there because I was about to buy the whole damn store. I eventually settled for a Bleach necklace because my friend Sam is essentially Kakuzu in spirit and he only let me buy one thing. But I swear to you... I will get that fucking cloak. Somehow...  
_

_:) So, back on topic. What is the topic? Oh whatever. I'm shutting up now._

_Bye.  
_


	51. Chapter 51

_Lol at all the death threats:)_

_And we have reached 900+ reviews guys. That's beyond awesome. I love all of you so much._

_All of the death threats were great. I was laughing my ass off reading them. Thank you. Some of them were pretty scary._

_I hope you enjoy. I used as many as I thought were decently necessary._

_I do not own Naruto._**  
**

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

I grinned evilly as Itachi asked to speak with Hidan. "Sure thing babe." I looked around at Hidan, ignoring Kakuzu's chuckles. "Hidan, Itachi would like to speak with you."

Hidan gawked. "You fucking told him didn't you?"

"Actually, Kathryn did but the effect is the same." I assured him. "Now here, talk to him or he'll come and speak to you in person. And I am fairly certain you won't want him to do that. He sounds pretty murderous."

He huffed and looked away. "I don't want to."

"Hidan. Take this damn phone before I cut your balls off and staple them to your forehead." I snarled. Kakuzu snorted with laughter while Hidan just stuttered a bit. **1**

Hidan growled under his breath as he took the phone from me. He held it up to his ear. "Look Uchiha fucker, I didn't mean to do it. I was fucking sleeping!" Hidan stated. I watched his expression, smirking at the shocked and almost frightened expressions flashing across his face.

"What the fuck? Is that even possible?" Hidan demanded. His face only continued to get more distraught as Itachi continued with, no doubt, extremely epic death threats.

I snickered.

Itachi was so sexy.

I was going to attack him as soon as I got home.

**Third Person!**

Itachi frowned as Hidan began speaking. "_Look Uchiha fucker, I didn't mean to do it. I was fucking sleeping!_" Hidan excused.

"I don't care if you were sleeping or not Hidan. I suppose there are certain benefits to being immortal. Because of that, I don't have to worry about being scolded by our Leader. (**2**)However, I would like you to know that as soon as you return, I will burn your skin off. Your arms will be detached from your body in the most brutal way I can think of. Tsukuyomi will be your home the second I see you. You _will_ regret being immortal." Itachi said coldly.

"Ouch." Kathryn whispered.

"I will forcibly rip your spine out of your body and choke you with it." Itachi continued, keeping a calm tone throughout his threats.

"_What the fuck? Is that even possible?_" Hidan demanded.

"I will make it possible." Itachi snarled. "You will regret touching my Alice Hidan. I promise you that. I will tie you down, rip out your internal organs and cut you into tiny pieces which I will then offer to Zetsu." **3**

"Holy shit Itachi…" Kisame laughed.

"If you'd prefer, Hidan, I will break every individual bone in your body, starting with your toes and fingers." Itachi went on. "I will light your head on fire and slit your wrist so I can watch you bleed out."** 4**. Deidara and Kathryn's jaw dropped and Sasori started laughing.

"Keep this in your idiotic mind. I can and will find a way to kill you. I will hide your body in a place no one can find you and leave you to rot for the rest of eternity and I will _immensely _enjoy making the last few moments of your pitiful existence a living hell. If you do not return out of fear for your life, which would be a wise choice on your account, I _will _hunt you down and detach your head so you may witness the destruction of _all_ that you ever held dear to your heart. You will watch me burn _every_ shrine devoted to Jashin to the ground. Then I will leave your head so your tears and blood may mingle with the ashes to create an erasable ink to stain your heart until I decide to kill you." Itachi growled. (**5**) "Now, make yourself useful and give the phone back to Alice."

Sasori was still laughing while Deidara, Kathryn, and Kisame looked utterly shocked by Itachi's words. He wasn't the type to get so… violent.

He heard Hidan mumble quietly before a laugh was heard. Alice's charming voice was heard next. "_Hey there sexy. I don't know what you said but it makes me want to take complete and utter advantage of you and have my way with you._"

**First Person Alice!**

I thoroughly enjoyed Hidan and Kakuzu's expressions at my confession to Itachi. I heard him chuckle sexily and I couldn't help but smile at it.

"_I look forward to it my love._" He assured me. "_I miss you._" He sighed as I distinctly heard my shark say something. "_So does Kisame._"

"I miss you both too." I stated. "We'll do this quickly so I can come back to you." I wanted nothing more than to jump through the phone and just attack him with love. He was just perfect. And I am lucky to have met such perfection.

"_I love you Alice._" He told me.

"I love you too Itachi." I sighed. I looked around when I ran into Kakuzu and looked around his massive form. "I gotta go babe, I have to walk up stairs." I looked up the stair case. "Holy shit that's a lot of stairs."

He chuckled. "_I await your return anxiously my love. Be safe and return soon. Next time you decide to sleep near one of them, choose Kakuzu. He can control himself._"

"Got it." I nodded, smiling at the hidden bitterness in his voice towards Hidan. "Bye babe." He said his goodbye and I ended the call.

**Third Person!**

"You know… I was going to exchange words with Hidan…" Kisame began. "But after that, I wouldn't have been able to come up with a death threat good enough, Itachi."

Itachi smirked. "When it comes to Alice," he handed the cell back to Kathryn, "it's either fuck off or get fucked up." **6**.

Kathryn and Deidara started laughing. "You're so epic Itachi!" She grinned.

He dipped his head. "Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me. I need to go and sharpen my weapons for Hidan's return."

"They'll hurt more if they're dull." Sasori stated boredly, flicking through a book.

Itachi paused. "This is true. I might also have to borrow some of your poison, Sasori."

"Of course." The puppet master smirked.

Kisame growled. "I'll shred him to pieces with Samehada."

"After I am done with him Kisame, there won't be anything left for you to shred." Itachi growled, leaving the kitchen.

Deidara shook his head once Itachi was gone. "He's so scary sometimes."

**First Person Alice!**

"Jashin damn these stairs." I pouted, tripping up them for the seventh time.

"You want me to carry you?" Hidan asked.

I eyed him. "After you molested me?"

"I didn't fucking mean to do it bitch. I'm sorry." He growled.

I smiled at him. "I know you didn't Hidan. I forgave you a while ago, but it was kind of… invading." I hugged him. "Don't worry. I won't let Itachi brutally murder you."

He shuddered at the memory of Itachi's threats. "Thanks."

"Yep. Now carry me." I laughed. He rolled his eyes and picked me up, swinging me around so he could give me a piggy back.

We walked up these damned stairs for _so long_. Luckily Kakuzu is a nice guy and he took me after a decent amount of time on Hidan's back and carried me himself. He managed a lot better than Hidan did which is weird because Hidan has higher stamina than he does.

I think it's just because Hidan is so lazy.

Kakuzu just deals with it.

Hidan bitches.

But, I love them both dearly.

Anyways, once we finally made it to the top of these damned stairs, my eyes fell on the plot line. There, towering before us were the massive gate doors leading to the temple in the land of fire that was home to ninja monks with special abilities.

Spoilers ahead!

Hello Chiriku.

Hidan looked up at it, gawking at its sheer size. "That's a big ass temple."

I snickered as Kakuzu set me down. "It sure is Hidan." I looked at Kakuzu. "What now big guy?" He glanced at me but said nothing.

"You think he'd be here?" Hidan asked, looking at Kakuzu.

I offered Hidan the chance to look over the videos before his battles with Asuma and Shikamaru… He didn't want to. And he watched only the videos of his and Kakuzu's fight against Kakashi and Shikamaru's team.

Kakuzu watched them all because he's a smart cookie.

Hidan… Not so much.

"Dunno." Kakuzu shrugged. "But this isn't your ordinary temple." He glanced at me and I smirked. "It's very likely that he's here."

I fell back to walk beside Hidan as the two ninjas walked towards the securely closed doors. Kakuzu's hand hardened and he punched the shit out of those doors. They exploded off the hinges and bowed before us.

Kakuzu made them his bitches.

Hidan curled his arm around my waist and jumped up with me. He walked over the door and to the edge of it with his arm over my shoulder. I held onto his cloak so I didn't fall. I could hear the shouting of the monks as we walked in like we owned the place.

"Doesn't look like anyone here'd be interested in converting to Jashin. Not a soul in sight!" Hidan said with amusement in his voice. Oh he was eagerly looking forward to the sacrifices he knew he was going to get to make.

He tightened his grip around me while taking his scythe off his back before dropping down smoothly from the thick doors. Kakuzu dropped down beside us, hiding me behind his massive form.

We were silent for a time as the monks called forth their leader. I hid behind Kakuzu and Hidan calmly, smirking when Hidan raised an eyebrow as Chiriku revealed himself. "Looks like we've got another wannabe hero on our hands."

"He doesn't just look the part." Kakuzu grunted. "My hit list says there's a 30,000,000 ryou bounty on his head."

Hidan frowned and looked at Kakuzu. "Oi, don't tell me we're after this guy for money." His eyes narrowed. "Killing a priest is like a one-way ticket to hell."

I smirked. "Here comes one of my favorite of Kakuzu's quotes."

"Even hell runs on money." He growled. "I'd be fine."

I snickered. "I love you Kakuzu." He glanced back at me and patted my head.

"I don't know what you want here, but leave now!" Chiriku barked at us.

Hidan scoffed at this. "What? You don't want any unnecessary casualties?" He smirked and did a fancy brandish of his scythe. "Well, shit like that doesn't fly with my religion."

"Damn straight." I smirked. He chuckled and winked at me over his shoulder. Kakuzu just rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I'd heard there was a temple in the fire country inhabited by ninja monks." Kakuzu said.

"They wield a power called the 'Gift of the Gods'." I scoffed. "The wrong God though. Jashin is the only God."

Hidan cackled. "Damn straight bitch."

"The 30,000,000 ryou man is an elite ninja who once belonged to the 12 Guardian Ninja, charged with protecting the Feudal Lord. The sash is proof enough." Kakuzu looked at me. "Are we on schedule, Alice?"

I nodded. "Yeah." He nodded silently.

"So he's tough?" Hidan asked.

"Don't get lazy Hidan. You'll die." Kakuzu grunted.

Hidan scoffed loudly again. "Like that's even possible, Kakuzu!" He shot forward. "Stay bitch!" I saluted as Kakuzu shot forward with him.

"Got it." I called. "But you idiots are just falling for his trap!"

Kakuzu knew what was going to happen; I'm not entirely sure why he just went with it. I think he likes pain like Hidan.

They're perfect for each other.

I wonder if I still have those yaoi pictures…

Anyways, Chiriku did that weird hand positioning thing and I saw Kakuzu and Hidan hesitate slightly. I didn't see anything but I knew what it looked like from the anime so I went with it.

I guess you have to have chakra to see cool things.

Damn my lack of ninja power awesomeness.

I watched as Kakuzu was sucker punched like nine times and then Hidan ran forward for his turn. I sighed and shook my head.

"I told you!" I called at their limp forms on the ground.

"I'll give you a funeral." Chiriku said.

"Like I'd let myself be buried by some other religion." Hidan snarled. "Jashin-sama would smite me."

I smiled. "That's my favorite Jashinist asshole."

"Shut up you crazy bitch." Hidan barked, glaring back at me. "Now I'm pissed." He grunted at Kakuzu. "Oi, this fucker's not a host, right? Meaning I can follow the scriptures here?"

"Do as you like." Kakuzu grumbled. "But his corpse is worth some real cash. Make sure he's recognizable when you're through with him."

Hidan got to his feet, slamming his scythe down as he went. "People shouldn't be in the business of trading lives for money, asshole." Kakuzu also got to his feet. "Kakuzu, don't interfere. Stay back and watch over the bitch. I'm gonna slaughter him!"

"You know when you run with your scythe grinding into the dirt, it slows you down idiot." I called after him. I heard him shout at me to shut up.

"I am Chiriku of the Fire Temple and I will not lose to the likes of you!" He said loudly and proudly.

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Yeah you will buddy."

Kakuzu fell back to stand guard over me. He glanced over his shoulder at me. "Are you hurt?"

"I've just been standing here Kuzu." I reminded him. "I'm fine. You okay?"

He nodded. "I'm fine." He watched Hidan slaughter brutally. "This might take a while."

"Yeah." I sighed. He chuckled at my response and picked me up to jump back onto the doors. We sat on the edge of them and I watched Hidan have a holiday with all of those sacrifices.

Sundown and finally that windbag of a Jashinist was done killing everyone.

I sat beside Kakuzu while Hidan finished up his ritual. Kakuzu and I stood up as Hidan started talking though and the miser went to Chiriku's body.

"Looks like the host wasn't here." Hidan stated. "We'll hit the next spot after I finish praying."

"No." Kakuzu grunted. "We need to exchange this corpse for the bounty." He picked up the dead monk and swung him over his shoulder. "Money comes first."

I snickered.

Good old Kakuzu.

He never disappoints.

"Seriously? Can I beat the shit out of you one of these days? Just once?" Hidan asked, lifting his head off the ground to glare at Kakuzu.

I smiled at him and looked around in the direction I knew the surviving monk was hiding and winked at him. His eyes widened and he took off.

"Anyways, let's go." Hidan growled, sitting up.

"The Fire Country is huge." Kakuzu said. "We can take our time."

No we can't.

Alice has to get back to her weasel.

Make me wait and I'll choke a bitch.

"See?" Hidan pointed out. "You're the reason we're always late!" He grabbed the pike in his chest and yanked it out. "Ouch! Fuck!" I waited for him as Kakuzu started walking away. "Hey asshole! Wait up!" He got to his feet and grabbed me before hurrying after Kakuzu. "Come on bitch."

* * *

**1.** Midnightfoxshadow13_. Lol... The mental image that came with that..._**  
2.** -RogueSama-_ I know that wasn't word for word what you had, but it was wonderful all the same. I laughed manically while reading it._**  
3.** _Not too sure who this one belonged to... I know like ten of you used organs and cannibalism so__ I just combined them into one._**  
4.** Katz341_. Thank you for that. I used a very similar threat before on a teacher and that reminded me of it so I had to use it. I thank you._**  
5.** Rengoku Akashi_. That was the longest and most detailed death threat I used. I love you for the entire thing. It was so Itachi that I had to use it. :)_**  
6.** Rei Bara_:) I laughed my ass off at reading that._

_There were so many amazing death threats. I wished I could have used all of them but alas, I could not. The death threats not numbered were of my own creation and were written before I asked for death threats. I love all of you. You are wonderful people. But remember. There is **no** such thing as a bad death threat. All of them were wonderful._

_**Fun Fact:** Brett dyes parts of his hair a different color every three months. This month, it is black and blue. Blue was his twin brother's favorite color._

Answer: _Don't really have an answer... I love you? Yes I do._

**QotC:** _If you could ask the Akatsuki/Alice/Kathryn any question, what would you ask them?_

_The 900th reviewer was a tie between _Tobi's Only Girl _and_ Said The Tiger to the Wolf_. YaY! You two win! They reviewed at the exact same time which I was a little confused about. At least, that's what my email told me. So you two can have a oneshot or whatever if you want. If you don't want one, you can have a present from me. Just tell me what you want._

Rengoku Akashi _and_ Tori-da-Mutt_ both deserve a shout out because they give me the _**longest**_ reviews every time they review. I swear I think they're both competing. It makes me happy, don't get me wrong and I love reviews both long and short and I read all of them. But holy shit guys. Every time you two review, (Usually Lia for RA), they're the longest review I have. You guys are awesome and I heart you. (**I heart the rest of you** too, but they deserve extra praise).__  
_

_All of you. Go and look at ZetsusNeko's fanart picture on DA. It makes me happy. Do it. Now._

_Anyways, I realize that last chapter was the 50th chapter. I suppose it should be seen as a victory... but I just see it as "oh my Jashin I've wasted so much time on this story. I need a life." But then again, when I really think about it I don't care. I love you readers and I honestly couldn't care about socializing considering my undying hatred of people._

_Oh and on a side note, Kathryn came home and I hung out with her today. :D I'm in a better mood._

_Alright, this author's note is too damn long. See you most likely Friday:)_

_OMG 900+ REVIEWS! I LOVE YOU ALLLLLLLL! YOU ALL WIN! YOU DESERVE PRAISE AND LOVE AND AFFECTION AND GIFTS!_


	52. Chapter 52

_Oh... my... Jashin... Harry Potter raped my brain and eyes._

_I read the books so it was kind of disappointing in some spots but HOLY SHIT! The movie was... amazing._

_All of you need to go see it if you haven't already._

_But anyways, next chapter._

_I _**do** _not own Naruto._

* * *

You wanna know the one thing I hate about nature other than heat?

All the fucking sticks that are determined to cause me bodily harm.

I think it's a conspiracy.

I was walking along the dirt road with my immortals and a dead body when I tripped over this huge ass stick that decided to lie in my path. I almost face planted into the ground and would have if not for spinning at the last second and landing on my ass.

Hidan thought it was hilarious.

He stopped walking and pointed at me, laughing his ass off. "Ha! You're such a fucking klutz! You clumsy bitch!" I just glared at the stick, ignoring Hidan.

Kakuzu sighed and walked over to me. He grabbed me with his free hand by the back of my shirt and lifted me to my feet easily. "Are you alright Alice?" He asked.

I dusted myself off. "I'm okay Kakuzu. Thanks."

He grunted and dipped his head. "Hidan, make yourself useful and carry Alice so she doesn't trip. Or you can carry him for a while and I'll carry her." He wiggled Chiriku a little.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're the one who wants money, not me!" Hidan protested. "You carry his dead ass." He pointed at me. "And why do we have to carry her? It's her fucking fault for not watching where she's fucking stepping."

I raised my eyebrow. Hidan was such an idiot. I didn't really mind walking anyways. It wasn't that big of a deal.

Kakuzu glared at Hidan. Hidan frowned. "He's your precious bounty isn't he? What are you giving me that look for?"

Kakuzu looked away from him. "I swear, one day I _am_ going to murder you." He started walking. "Come on, Alice."

I shrugged and started walking, trailing behind the huge miser.

Hidan scoffed. "Like you could pull it off Kakuzu…" I yelped when suddenly I was being picked up. Hidan swung me around so he could carry me piggyback style. "Appreciate it bitch."

"I can walk Hidan." I muttered, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Thanks though." I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Don't fucking mention it." He grunted.

We walked like that for a time until the bickering started again. Hidan began complaining about all of the trees and Kakuzu repeatedly told him to shut up or he would kill him. Then Hidan would respond with a challenge and so on and so forth. Eventually I got sick of all of the bickering, forced Hidan to put me down, and walked behind them to distance myself from them.

This wasn't nearly as fun as traveling with Deidara and Sasori.

I miss them.

And Kathryn.

I wish they would hurry up so I could go home and see them.

And my weasel and my shark.

I miss them too.

"I'm getting really fed up with the shit that keeps coming out of your mouth." Hidan snapped. "I haven't gotten to travel in forever and when I finally get the chance, they stick me with a crazy bitch and a jackoff like you."

"We're not on vacation." Kakuzu grunted from ahead of us.

"I'm already sick of looking for this host." Hidan sighed. "And you're dragging me on this retarded side job. I think I deserve some sympathy."

"Shut up you big baby." I sighed. He glared at me over his shoulder.

"Fuck off Alice." He snarled.

Kakuzu glanced at Hidan. "Just shut up and walk. We're already late."

Hidan scoffed. "We're late because we're going to your stupid exchange point!" He pointed at Kakuzu's back. "You keep making this fucking mission longer and longer! It's seriously pissing me off!"

Kakuzu stopped walking and Hidan stopped too, raising an eyebrow at his masked partner. I stopped and stood a few feet away from them, knowing what was coming.

"Pissing you off?" Kakuzu repeated. He turned slightly to glare at Hidan over his shoulder. "This is a vital mission too."

"Yeah, yeah, you're the treasurer or whatever." Hidan shrugged. "Admit it. That chump change is what you're charging Leader to hunt the tailed beasts." He looked at Kakuzu and narrowed his eyes, frowning a bit.

Kakuzu just stared at him for a minute before continuing down the road. Hidan gawked in disbelief before clicking his tongue in irritation. He then smiled mischievously and started after Kakuzu.

"Oi, I'm sorry." He called. I sighed and walked after him. "That corpse is heavy right? Lemme take him off your hands for a little while."

Kakuzu smartly saw right through his trick. "What are you going to do with my valuable bounty?"

"I'm just trying to be nice…" Hidan pouted. "You can carry the crazy bitch."

I scoffed. "Asshole."

"You'd throw him away." Kakuzu said instantly.

Hidan feigned innocence. "The hell're you saying?"

"I see right through you." Kakuzu replied. "This body is a nuisance. You want to get rid of it."

Hidan laughed. "Ah shit, you got me."

He's really cute when he laughs.

Not as cute as Itachi though.

No one can compete with that.

"But seriously, dump that thing and we'll look-" Hidan continued.

It happened in a flash. If I hadn't been waiting for it, I would have missed it.

Kakuzu wheeled around in an instant with his hand hardened and went to hit Hidan. The Jashinist predicted his move and brandished his scythe, catching Kakuzu's blow on the shaft of his weapon.

He grinned. "Gotcha."

Kakuzu glared down at him with anger radiating off him. "You son of a bitch." He allowed his hand to return to normal before lowering his arm and turning away from Hidan.

Hidan looked dejected and pouted. "Oi! You're done already?"

Kakuzu didn't even bother to look back at him. "I don't have time to mess around with you. But someday, our mission will be complete and my schedule will be open. At that time, I'll send you straight to hell."

And there they go.

Hidan returned his scythe to his back. "There you go again…" He shook his head and started after Kakuzu. "I really hope the next guy lasts long enough for me to let loose. I really need to vent." He looked over his shoulder at me. "Come on bitch."

"As you wish Hidan." I rolled my eyes, starting after him again.

"Do you know who we fight next bitch?" He wondered as I caught up with him.

I nodded. "Of course I do. Who do you think you're talking to Hidan?"

He rolled his eyes. "Well? Are the heathens any good?"

"The one you fight is." I nodded. "But be careful okay?"

"What the fuck ever." He scoffed. He curled his arm over my shoulders. "So, entertain me. I'm fucking bored."

I gave him a look. "Do you really want to start that?"

He blinked for a minute before he caught on to what I meant. "Forget I asked. I don't want to deal with your craziness."

"Wise decision my dear." I smirked.

He rumpled my hair. "You alright bitch? You look tired."

"I didn't sleep last night." I shrugged. "Between your snoring and my nightmares, it was damn near impossible."

He patted my head. "Well hopefully this shit goes by quickly, then you can fucking sleep with your pussy ass Uchiha."

"And he'll kill you as soon as he sees you. He hasn't forgotten about your molestation of my chest the other day." I reminded him. Kakuzu chuckled.

"I can't wait to see that." The miser threw back at us.

"Fuck you Kakuzu." Hidan snapped.

Cue more bickering.

"Oh and by the way, we're not late. I planned for these shenanigans." I threw in.

Finally we made it out of that damned forest. It only took _forever_.

I was getting as antsy as Hidan does by the time we actually emerged from the leafy depths. However, my happiness was short lived because as soon as we emerged from the forest, my eyes fell upon the exchange point.

I swear Kakuzu's eyes just spawned money symbols.

He's so greedy.

I love it.

Anyways, I walked between Hidan and Kakuzu as we approached the exchange point. Hidan would bump into me every now and then because he couldn't walk in a straight line to save his life and I would shoot him a glare. He would respond by sticking out his tongue at me and flicking my forehead.

I'm going to have a bruise there.

Kakuzu stopped and turned in front of the restrooms. Hidan raised his eyebrow.

"Oi, where the hell are you going?" He asked. "The bathroom?"

I just followed in behind him. "Come on Hidan."

"Ugh, fine wait up." He sighed, hurrying up to catch up to me and Kakuzu. "Why the hell are you going in the men's restroom?"

"Because you're an idiot." I retorted. "Just shut up and follow Kakuzu."

He smacked the back of my head so I punched him in the gut. Hidan snickered and wrapped his arm around my neck, forcing me to follow Kakuzu. He eyed the miser as he walked to the hidden exchange point door.

Kakuzu placed his hand on the wall for a second before removing it. The door fell forward to reveal the entrance. Hidan released me when he paused in shock.

"This is the exchange point." Kakuzu explained. "Alice knew this. If you watched the videos she showed us, you would know."

"Why the fuck did they pick a _bathroom_?" He demanded.

I fell back behind Hidan when the creepy bounty guy popped up. "This way please."

Hidan glanced at me and curled his arm over my shoulders before making me come inside the really nasty smelling room with him, hurrying after Kakuzu.

We followed the guy over to the little cabinet thingy Chiriku went in and Kakuzu went to a spot much closer than where Hidan and I stopped. I noticed the bounty guy eyeing me and Hidan. It was really creepy.

He looked at Kakuzu when the shelf thing rolled out. "Here please."

Kakuzu grunted his understanding and plopped Chiriku's body on the slab.

"Make it quick, will you?" Hidan asked. The bounty guy glanced at us as he got his book and I pressed closer to Hidan subconsciously. He looked down at me with a raised eyebrow before squeezing me gently.

I watched the scarred man flip through the book before he looked over Chiriku. His eyes fell on the sash at the monk's waist and he nodded. "There's no mistaking it. That's Chiriku." He closed the book with an audible thud. "You caught yourself a big one, Kakuzu-san."

"Yeah." Kakuzu agreed boredly. The bounty dude stared at me with his huge eyes as he turned to go and get Kakuzu his money. I saw him lick his lips hungrily as his eyes scanned over me. Oh Jashin… I'm scarred for life.

I shuddered. "He's so creepy."

Kakuzu glanced at me at the same time Hidan snickered. My eyes never left the creeper as he grabbed the case of money and carried it back to Kakuzu who instantly took it and flipped it open.

"This place reeks." Hidan complained. "Let's go already Kakuzu."

"Hang on. I need to count the money." Kakuzu stated.

"It's all there Kakuzu." I assured him. "We can go."

He just sent me a look that I sighed at.

He reached forward and grabbed a stack of cash. Hidan sighed. "I can't tell whether the stench is the piss or that body, but seriously, it's fucking gross." He scoffed. "I'm going back outside."

"Take Alice with you." Kakuzu stated. "She looks uncomfortable."

"It smells like rotting asshole in here." I admitted. "Not to mention… my creeper beeper is going off." I hurried to catch up with Hidan who walked towards the door. "See you outside Kakuzu." Together Hidan and I exited the exchange point and went outside from the potty room.

I sat on the steps beside Hidan when he plopped down on them. I leaned into him and he leaned right back.

"The fucking stench clung to my clothes." He sighed loudly.

"I'll wash them when we get home." I assured him.

He nodded approvingly. "You have to make me food first."

"Deal." I smiled. I rested my head on his shoulder. "Hopefully he hurries up."

"Don't fucking worry. Kakuzu counts fast." He stated. I just nodded.

We sat there in silence for a time when a step was heard behind us. I didn't even have to look back to know who it was.

"Took you long enough, Kakuzu." Hidan growled, turning back to glare at him. I scooted away, knowing it wasn't Kakuzu.

* * *

_Dun dun dun... Story line~~~_

**_Fun Fact: _**_Louis has never lied in his life. He also doesn't only threaten. If he tells you he's going to do something, he does it. Even if it's extremely insane._

Answer: _Idr what the question was. Hold on... If I could ask the Akatsuki/Alice/Kathryn any question... I'd probably ask them what a daily life is like without all the missions and stuff. Or maybe... How scary is Pein when he's pissed off? Lol_

**QotC: **_Favorite Harry Potter character? If you don't like Harry Potter, shame on you. If not... tell me your favorite... idk food? I know it's random but Harry Potter is officially done as far as we know._

_Anyways... _ZetsusNeko_ and my Brat need to tell me what they want for their gifts. _Dreami-Chwan _on DA drew me a WONDERFUL picture of Alice and Kathryn. It made me sooooooo happy so see that. Lol. Their personalities are evident in their facial expressions. I love it so much. You my dear get a oneshot or a present of your choosing. Just review or PM me on here or DA. And please, do not be afraid or too shy to do so. I'm not mean unless someone gives me a reason to be. :) I love you so don't worry about it._

_Guys, I saw Sethy-Poo last night at the theater for Harry Potter and I linebacker tackled him in the parking lot. Then... Me and my friend Craiger stole one of those Harry Potter promotional poster triangle things with Snape Bellatrix and Voldemort on it. We had two people holding open the doors and me and Craiger grabbed it and ran out of the theater with it. Lolllll._

_Twas hilarious._

_So... Good day and I shall see you... Monday. Oh and I'm probably going to upload a chapter on my new oneshot thing. It will probably have Louis and Brett in it. :)_


	53. Chapter 53

_I'm updating early because I love you._

_Anywho, enjoy the chapter._

_I still do not own Naruto. I'm working on it._

* * *

Asuma stood proudly behind us and whipped out some shuriken. Hidan reacted instantly and readied his scythe. He deflected the ninja tools gracefully and launched his scythe at Asuma. However, Izumo and Kotetsu appeared in that second, giving Asuma just enough time to grab me and pull me away from Hidan.

"Too slow." Shikamaru called from on top of the building as he caught Hidan in his jutsu.

"That's one down." Asuma said as he tightened his grip on me. Izumo and Kotetsu stabbed Hidan in unison.

I struggled. "Let me go you asshole! Hidan!" Asuma was unfazed by my struggles.

"That fucking hurt!" Hidan snapped. "What the hell is your problem?" His eyes narrowed at Asuma. "Let Alice go fucker. She'll start bitching if you don't and I don't want to hear it."

All four Konoha Shinobi looked utterly shocked.

"What's going on? We hit his vital organs!" Kotetsu exclaimed.

Hidan glared down at him. "Stop shaking, damn it!" He looked at Izumo. "It hurts like a bitch!"

"Is he immortal?" Izumo demanded.

"No shit Sherlock." Hidan scoffed.

"Asuma! Let me go!" I barked. "Leave him alone you idiots! You can't beat him! Get out of here or you'll die!"

Asuma looked down at me. "Calm down Alice, we're taking you back to Konoha once we're done with him and his partner."

"Oh fuck no!" I snapped.

Hidan sighed. "Who the hell are you people? Leave the crazy bitch alone." His eyes fell on Asuma's sash. "That sash belongs to those Ninja Guardians! Oh Jashin damn it. I'm gonna have to go back inside that shithole of an exchange point again…"

"Hidan! That seriously isn't the problem here! I don't want to be held captive! Move your lazy ass and get him off of me!" I ordered. "You fucking grandpa stripper!"

"You little bitch." Hidan snarled. "I just got impaled with fucking knives and your bitching because someone other than your shitty boyfriend is holding you? Fuck you!"

"I'll fucking gouge your eyes out with a spoon and shove them up your damn ass, Hidan! Get over your immortal ass and quit complaining!" I snapped.

He glared at me. "I'll rip your tits off and slit your jugular and watch you fucking bleed."

"You just wanna touch my tits again you pervert! You know what? I'm going to let Itachi kill you!" I snarled. "You little arrogant shit! I'll tear out your intestines and choke you with them. I'd rip your dick off and beat you with it but you severely lack one you little bitch!"

The Konoha Shinobi looked between Hidan and I with surprised expressions. Kotetsu pushed harder on his blade and Hidan started swearing. I just laughed at him.

Asuma frowned. "We're Shinobi from Konoha. We've been ordered to either capture or exterminate Akatsuki. We're also taking Alice back to the village with us."

"Like hell you are!" I barked. "Put me down damn it! I don't want to go back to Konoha. I want to go home!" He clamped his hand over my mouth to shut me up.

"As you Akatsuki work in teams of two, we were going to capture one of you after killing the other. But… you've got some serious powers." He withdrew his knuckle blade things. The chakra blades he always uses.

Hidan laughed. "Well you guys fucked up on the order."

"Where's your partner?" Asuma asked.

Up your ass.

As if he was cued, Kakuzu appeared above Shikamaru, fist prepared to snap forward in a deadly punch. The side of the building exploded as Kakuzu struck.

Dust clouded the scene and Shikamaru came darting out of the dust with Kakuzu right on his tail. He released his jutsu in his attempt to escape Kakuzu and Hidan grinned.

Kakuzu stopped on a dime as Asuma jumped between him and Shikamaru with me still in his grasp. "Kotetsu! Izumo! Fall back!"

Kotetsu and Izumo bounced away from Hidan and took up defensive spots around Shikamaru. Kakuzu gazed at me, his eyes narrowed.

"So the one holding Alice is…" He glanced at Hidan. "I see the lure of money's gotten to you for once, Hidan."

"Kakuzu, stay out of this." Hidan snapped, jerking his scythe back towards him now that he was free. "Get Alice. I'm going to use them for my ceremony. The money is all yours."

I bit Asuma's hand and he was forced to remove it from my mouth, grunting slightly. "If you don't want to die, let me go!" I started thrashing. "Kakuzu!"

"Works for me. Just don't underestimate them. You'll get yourself killed." Kakuzu grunted. His eyes drifted back to Asuma. "Hand over the girl, or I'll kill you."

"Like they could pull it off, Kakuzu." Hidan stated as he started drawing his symbol on the ground in his blood. "If they could kill me, I'd let them. But that's not happening, is it?" He grinned at me. "Just keep bitching Alice. They'll get sick of it soon."

"I'll take lead." Asuma stated. I tuned him out as I attempted to get free of his grip. It wasn't working. He was way too strong.

Damn ninja.

Asuma and Shikamaru planned together and I still got no closer to being free of his grip than Deidara got to being taller than Kathryn.

"Let go of me Asuma!" I snapped.

"Did you finish your little strategy meeting?" Hidan asked as he ripped the blades in his gut from his person. "Ouch. Getting cut up like that hurt." He pulled another one out of his body. "Jashin will smite assholes like you who don't understand the pain of others."

Asuma looked at Kotetsu and shifted me in his arm. "Take Alice."

"No!" I yelled. "Get off." I managed to bite him and he was forced to let me go. I hurried over to Kakuzu who wrapped his arm around my shoulders protectively. "Ah, miser."

He chuckled and patted my head with his free hand. "You're a nut, Alice."

I smirked and hugged him. "I don't like when people try to take me from my murderers."

"Stay with Kakuzu bitch." Hidan ordered. He prepared to charge forward and he and Asuma went at it.

Hidan pretty much danced as Shikamaru tried to land blows with his shadow-stitching and with Asuma trying to get him. Though he was lazy and one of the slowest Akatsuki members, Hidan moved gracefully in battle.

It was actually pretty cool to watch.

I stood beside Kakuzu who was watching both the fight and the three Konoha Shinobi sitting not too far away. He kept me close to him by resting his arm across the back of my shoulders. I just kind of leaned back into him.

The miser raised his eyebrow when Asuma did the same stance as Chiriku and knocked Hidan back. "Hidan, don't let your guard down."

"Just shut the fuck up and watch, Kakuzu." Hidan snapped.

"He's so difficult sometimes." I smiled. "Big idiot."

"Fuck you Alice." Hidan retorted. Kakuzu chuckled and I snickered.

Hidan danced a little more with Asuma, a smile on his face the entire time. He flipped gracefully over Asuma. "Damn you guys are desperate. You keep using attacks that have the highest probability of landing." He snickered when he landed. "I can see right through you!"

"And you screw around too much when you fight." Kakuzu and I said at the same time.

Izumo and Kotetsu launched shuriken at Hidan at the same time Asuma did. Shikamaru looked at him. "You can't escape this time!"

"Then I won't dodge." Hidan said simply with a grin as he ran towards the trio, taking those shuriken like the immortal he is. "I'll kill off the kiddies first!"

"You're fighting me!" Asuma shouted after him, charging after the scythe that was rushing to obey Hidan's will.

Hidan smirked when Asuma deflected the blade he threw back at him before he back flipped and sent his scythe to attack Asuma. I bit my lip when the middle blade sliced into Asuma's cheek, doing exactly what Hidan needed it to do.

Asuma ran towards him as Hidan collected his now bloodied scythe. He did hand signs in time with Hidan as he licked the blood covered tip of the blade. Hidan snickered as he did so.

Hidan was lost to me as Asuma blew a huge cloud of ash at him, engulfing him in the shroud of darkness. I sighed.

Here it comes.

The death of Asuma.

Asuma ended the flow of ash and ignited it. The dust cloud exploded and when it dissipated, I nodded at the scene I knew I would be seeing.

Asuma looked shocked by the fact that he was injured by his own jutsu.

"Hurts, doesn't it?" Hidan asked into his arm, shielding his eyes from the explosion. Asuma dropped his chakra blades as Hidan continued. "Jashin-sama has judged you."

"What's going on?" Izumo demanded.

"Do you get it now?" Hidan questioned. "Do you understand what it means to suffer?" Hidan stood after a second. "You're already under my curse. Now the ritual can begin." He laughed and lowered his arm. "Now… We'll suffer unfathomable pain together!" He shouted.

"This'll make another 35 million ryou for us." Kakuzu stated.

And there's Kakuzu. Sticking to his greediness like the miser he is.

How can you not love that?

Hidan howled with laughter as he grabbed one of his retractable spears. "I've already got everything set up! Get ready! This is gonna hurt like hell!" He extended his spear.

Asuma and Hidan had a stare down for a minute before Asuma charged him. Hidan frowned and stabbed himself in the leg. "Suck on this!"

Asuma face planted into the ground.

"Hurts _good_, doesn't it?" Hidan demanded as he started hooting with mad laughter like the mentally insane man I knew he was.

I grinned. "Hurt so good. Come on baby, make it hurt so good! Sometimes love don't feel like it should. You make it hurt so good!" I sang, dancing a little bit. Kakuzu looked down at me like I was insane. Shikamaru, Kotetsu, Izumo turned their heads in my direction with raised eyebrows and disturbed expressions.

"Oh shut up." I pouted, sticking my tongue out at them. Hidan even raised his eyebrow at me. Asuma was too busy having an ulcer.

Kakuzu shook his head at my antics. "Stick to movie quotes, kid." I just pouted further.

"Enjoy the pain, fucker! Getting stabbed feels amazing don't it?" Hidan roared, cackling. "And you, bitch," he pointed at me. "Shut the hell up with your crazy singing!"

"Dick." I grumbled. "Doesn't know a good song when he hears one…"

"But it's nothing like hitting an organ! Man that shit is the best! As the other dies, their agony radiates through my body! And living through it is pure ecstasy!" He yelled, clearly ignoring me.

"Jashin he is so noisy." I sighed, shaking my head.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "I know."

"He's noisy even when he sleeps." I smiled.

Hidan jerked the pike out of his leg, causing Asuma to bleed all the more. He whooped loudly. "Where do ya want it next?" He pointed the spear at his arm. "How 'bout here? Or here?" He moved to his other leg. "Getting it in both legs would be pretty sweet." He laughed. "Or…" he aimed at his heart, "…should I just end it now?"

I glanced at Shikamaru as he shot his shadow strangle technique at Hidan, trying to reach him before he killed Asuma. Hidan swung at his heart, grinning like a mad man. "Now you die!" He roared.

"I don't think so!" Shikamaru shouted.

I smirked.

"The tension just now was so unnecessary." I snickered. Shikamaru caught Hidan in time, much to the Jashinist's chagrin. "Nice job Shikamaru."

"SHUT THE HELL UP ALICE! DON'T CHEER FOR THEM!" Hidan shouted.

"Kakuzu and I both told you not to let your guard down." I told him. "Besides, you'll be fine. It's not a big deal."

Kotetsu looked at me. "You knew that would happen?"

"Of course I did. I know the outcome of this battle." I stated, looking at him. "Though, I'm not going to tell you what happens. That would be wrong of me. You should have left when I told you to though. You'll regret it. That's all I'm going to say."

"I heard from Kakashi that she could tell the future." Izumo stated.

I shrugged and looked back at Hidan. "Concentrate now."

"This is nothing!" Hidan barked. He growled and grunted as he fought against Shikamaru's hold on him.

"If it's going to take much longer, I'll kill them myself." Kakuzu sighed, letting me go to face the trio. "I'm not letting that money get away."

"I told you to back the fuck off Kakuzu!" Hidan yelled. "I can handle these pussies on my own!"

"Uh huh. Sure you can." I smiled. "You're doing a wonderful job of that."

"Fuck you, you crazy bitch!" Hidan snapped.

Kakuzu sighed. "I guess it's just a matter of time."

Everyone was relatively quiet except for when Shikamaru caught onto the secret of Hidan's jutsu. He began attempting to force Hidan out of the circle, enticing questions from Izumo and Kotetsu. I focused on Hidan, waiting for him to go off.

"You piece of shit…" He snarled at Shikamaru as he forced him out of the Jashinist symbol. I sighed and shook my head.

"Hidan, you talk too much." I told him. "That's how he caught on."

"Shut up you little bitch!" He shouted at me. He glared over his shoulder at Shikamaru. "After I get free I'm gonna slash, bash, and smash your ass!"

"Very creative Hidan." I snickered.

"There won't be an after for you!" Shikamaru called back.

Yeah there will be.

"He's out!" Shikamaru exclaimed once Hidan was out of the diagram.

Asuma nodded. "Right! Let's see if the curse is broken!" He launched a shuriken at Hidan and sliced his ear. Asuma remained unaffected.

Shikamaru changed his hand sign and Hidan was pierced by his shadow stitching technique, forcibly being held in place.

"What the…?" Hidan gawked. "Damn you! I'm trapped!"

"I've reached my limit." Shikamaru panted. "I don't think I can hold him much longer."

Asuma smiled. "Good work Shikamaru." He got to his feet and started limping towards Hidan with his chakra blade extended with chakra.

Hidan glared as Asuma drew closer. "Kakuzu! Help me!" He tensed as Kakuzu made no move to help him. "Hurry the fuck up!"

I looked away as Asuma beheaded Hidan. Kakuzu put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. "I told you not to underestimate them." Kakuzu grunted.

* * *

_Poor poor Hidan. That's what you get when you mess with Mr. Smoker and his Pineapple apprentice._

_**Fun Fact:** Louis has been to jail for viciously fighting people who touched Brett without his permission._

Answer: _So many of you share my favorite character with me. My top five are: Lupin, Sirius, Fred/George, Snape, and either Draco or Minerva McGonagall. You can't have one twin without the other and McGonagall is so badass._

**_QotC: _**_So far, which chapter is your favorite? In this story or CYK._

_You guys make things difficult for me when you don't review with your actual account. I would love to reply to you guys, but when you don't review with a signature, I can't do that easily. So, I'll have to reply right now._

_To _Deidara's Bitch:_ No. I can't walk in a straight line to save my life either. It's because I lack balance and coordination. I just imagine Hidan being the kind of guy who walks with a cocky swing in his step. Basically he can't walk in a straight line because he's an idiot.  
To _GEMfaerie:_ Yes. Brett and Louis. I'll probably be uploading it either today or tomorrow. However, there will be just a tiny spoiler for what's to come in the main story. The chapter will have nothing to do with this story as far as plot-wise. It's just a little bit of fun for those of you who miss Dynamic Duo.  
To _ZetsusNeko_: Please do send me something on DA. I'll be sure to start writing something for you as soon as possible.  
To _xdreamernumbuhfour: _How about a oneshot with both of your favorite characters and their Shenanigans. :) I'll be happy to write whatever you desire. And spank you very much for the fanart. I absolutely adore it.  
To you, Brat, A.K.A _Tobi's Only Girl:_ you have yet to tell me what you want :( and that makes me sad._

_And you guys can thank _XxXMiiDNiGhTXxX _for the early update. I wasn't going to but she ordered me to in all caps so I felt compelled. :)_

_Well, I'm going swimming with my brother, cousin, and a few other friends._

_See you Monday:) (for real this time)  
_


	54. Chapter 54

_So... yeah. Here is the next chapter_

_My apologies to those Asuma lovers. I love him too._

_But, it had to be done._

_Please attempt to enjoy. I do not own Naruto._

* * *

Shikamaru released Hidan's headless body and all of the Konoha Shinobi visibly relaxed.

Idiots. They know nothing.

"You claim to care for them Alice, but why didn't you tell this one he would die?" Asuma asked, looking at me.

I just smiled. "I have my reasons."

"If you needed my help, you should have asked me earlier." Kakuzu stated, looking at Hidan's head.

"Fuck you and your slow ass!" Hidan's head shouted. "You both let that happen!"

I grinned at Asuma. "And my reasons are: you didn't kill him. Hidan is immortal, idiot. You can't kill him simply by removing his head. And Hidan that sounded like a sexual invitation to me. Should I bring out the whips and chains?"

"Shut up bitch!" He roared.

Kakuzu shook his head. "Alice, your perverted mind rivals Hidan's."

"This is true, but I at least have a sense of decency where Hidan does not." I countered. "I am perverse to make people uncomfortable and to tease. He does it just because he can't help himself. It's almost on impulse for him. _I_ have a filter."

"For the most part, you are correct. But the fact that you make allusions to a sexual relationship between me and that lazy moron shows that you are not decent at all. And, are in fact, a very fucked up little girl." Kakuzu patted my head. "I am surprised you were allowed to walk around on your own at any point in your life."

I laughed. "Kakuzu, where have you been for like the past year? You should have realized how fucked up I was the moment I found you guys."

He paused. "Good point."

"Oi!" Hidan shouted. "Stop fucking chatting and come over here and help me you sick bastards! You let them fucking cut my damn head off! Neither of you are fucking decent! And don't fucking talk about me like I'm not there."

I smacked my forehead. "Idiot."

"Fuck you bitch!"

"I believe before all this started you said, 'Just shut the fuck up and watch, Kakuzu!'." Kakuzu stated. "Now, as a god damn _head_, do you still think you can yell at me?"

Hidan managed to look guilty. "Uh… okay, yes. I did tell you not to get involved. But it's not like I was trying to embarrass your or make you look bad. Besides, someone needed to guard the bitch. You know the Uchiha would have our heads if anything happened to her."

"That's beside the point." I sighed. "Itachi's going to kick your ass anyways."

"Whatever, man. Come on and get my body!" Hidan continued. He pouted when Kakuzu just stared at him. "Kakuzu, would you mind bringing my body over here?" He said in an uncharacteristically sweet voice. "Kuzu-chan, pretty please? With sugar on top?"

I smiled at Hidan. "Awe, Kakuzu go and help him."

Kakuzu sighed and grunted, disappearing in a flash and appearing beside Hidan's head. He bent down calmly and picked Hidan up by his hair.

"Oi! Wait! Cut it out!" Hidan shouted. "Kakuzu, my body! Bring my body _here_ damn it!

"Your head is lighter." Kakuzu pointed out.

I smirked. "That's because there's nothing in it."

Kakuzu chuckled. "Very nice Alice."

"It's a gift. What can I say?" I shrugged.

"That's not the issue!" Hidan yelled.

I sighed. "And he doesn't even bother to defend himself…"

"He's an idiot. What do you expect?" Kakuzu questioned.

"Are you ignoring me?" He demanded.

Asuma and Kakuzu had a staring contest before Hidan ruined it by shouting his head off.

Well… his head was already off.

You get the point.

"Ouch! You're ripping my hair out Kakuzu you asshole!" Hidan protested.

"If you're going to whine about pain, at least complain about your neck." Kakuzu sighed.

"You stupid dick! My neck isn't even in the same league!" The zealot whined. "This isn't some tiny little boo-boo asshole!"

I sighed and introduced my palm to my forehead yet again. "Where does he get all that air?" And yet, even without the proper necessities to breath and talk, he still continues to scream.

Hidan defies any and all types of logic.

Maybe that's why I love him so much?

Nah. It definitely has to be the sexy body and the silver hair.

Just kidding!

"This fucking hurts like hell!" The Jashinist complained. "You cut my damned head off! This is like super-mega-ultra pain!"

"Now there's only one left." Shikamaru stated after Izumo and Kotetsu finished failing at describing Hidan's head. I sort of tuned them out so I didn't really catch all that they said. I already knew it all anyways. These bastards are extremely predictable and the show was etched into my brain.

Kakuzu scoffed after a minute. "Get real."

He moved with lighting speed to Asuma's side, kicking him in his injured leg. He then cracked the shit out of his head with the case full of money. When Asuma was down for a moment, trying to get up, Kakuzu appeared above him and drove his knee straight into Asuma's spine. Kakuzu moved flawlessly. He never wasted a move or moved too much. He did what he needed to do and hit with perfect accuracy every time.

"Ouch." I winced. I could feel it myself. And thinking about someone doing that to me on top of my back problems made me shiver at the possible pain.

Asuma coughed up blood. Kakuzu just blinked and walked calmly back to Hidan's body. He glanced at me as he knelt beside it. "Alice, stay back. I'll be over in a minute."

"Gotcha." I nodded.

"If someone goes after you, I'll snap their neck." He added to those enemies who could move. Yeah, I don't think they would even dare come after me. Kakuzu's fucking intimidating. He's top three with Pein and Madara, followed closely by Itachi and Kisame.

Sasori and Deidara are shorter than me. I can't be intimidated by them very much. Zetsu is just scary, not intimidating. And if anyone finds Tobi intimidating, they need to be checked. Hidan's too much of an idiot and I can outwit him without trying. And Konan is too sweet.

So yeah. Pein, Madara, and Kakuzu. I don't see anyone trying to defy that stitched miser.

Kakuzu stuck Hidan's head on his body, adjusting it on his neck to make sure it was positioned correctly. "Now that I've helped you, I'm gonna have to stay involved." He held Hidan's head still as a thread escaped from his wrist and began sewing the wound.

"Yeah, whatever." Hidan sighed. He winced as Kakuzu stitched his head back on. "Ouch!"

"Sit still you big baby." Kakuzu grunted. He stood when he was finished. "There."

Hidan got to his feet, cracking his neck as he did so. "All back together again!"

"What the stitches. They'll break if you move too much." Kakuzu warned.

I smiled. "Listen to him this time."

"You know what Kakuzu? Eat a dick." He barked. "And you, you crazy bitch, go jump off a cliff."

"You first." I stated. "That was a shitty response too. I'm disappointed."

He glared at me so I beamed at him.

"What the hell are we fighting?" Izumo asked in disbelief.

"You're fighting my family." I said proudly, looking around at him. "The Akatsuki."

Kakuzu turned around to face Shikamaru, Kotetsu, and Izumo. He glanced at Hidan. "Your stupid ritual is bad enough, but I'm sick of you dragging out fights with your blabbering." His eyes narrowed when Hidan turned to glare at him. "You take care of the bounty."

Hidan looked at Asuma. "Right, I'm gonna get him back for what he did." He smirked. "I can't go breaking the commandments now can I? Right you crazy bitch?"

"Right Hidan." I sighed, shaking my head at his antics. "Make Jashin-sama proud."

He grinned like the maniac he was.

"That again?" Kakuzu sighed. "Whatever. I'll take the other three."

Izumo and Kotetsu moved in sync, summoning the weapon that looked a lot like the Pokémon Cloyster. Kakuzu grunted and charged them. Izumo spit out a bunch of goo as they ran towards him.

Kakuzu dodged the goo and shot his threads out at the weapon, only for them to be dodged. The weapon collided into the ground as Kakuzu sidestepped it. I noticed Hidan throw him a concerned glance when a cloud of dust engulfed him.

Awe! They do care about each other!

And they deny my allusions to them being lovers… Silly men.

Kakuzu chuckled when the dust cleared. "I assume this was a combo where you force the enemy to focus on the flashy aerial attack, creating an opening. Then you attack from the ground with this strange liquid." He smirked under his mask when Izumo clicked his tongue in frustration. "So simplistic. Too much wasted movement." He brought his hands up, preparing to attack.

"Now!" Kotetsu barked. He caught his Cloyster weapon when it shot out of the ground. Kakuzu didn't notice the goo creeping up behind him though and got stuck in it.

He crossed his arms and his hands shot forward with his threads to wrap around Kotetsu and his weapon. Kakuzu's hand tightened around Kotetsu's neck and the threads pinned the weapon and him together.

Izumo dodged Kakuzu's hand but was quickly caught by his threads despite his attempts to escape. Kakuzu was just too good.

He was drool worthy.

My love of tall guys with lots of muscle is breaking through.

Though, my love of Sharingan wins.

That doesn't stop Kakuzu from being utterly badass and sexy though.

Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.

"Wasting my time with your flailing…" Kakuzu sighed.

"Man, looks like Kakuzu's already done." Hidan stated. "I'd better get moving too. Otherwise he'll bitch at me about my ritual taking forever." He walked forward with his pike and stopped just before Asuma, raising it above his head in preparation to stab him. "Bye."

Asuma jumped into action, breaking his cover as seemingly unconscious. He went to stab Hidan who dodged and brought his scythe around.

"Asuma! Behind you!" Shikamaru shouted.

Asuma skillfully ducked and the scythe went straight into Hidan's torso.

Everyone visibly relaxed and Asuma even grinned at Hidan. "You won't get me with the same trick." Then his eyes widened.

This is why it is better to look before you leap.

Hidan started laughing. "It wasn't the same trick you idiot!" He was now confidently standing in the middle of the Jashinist symbol painted on the ground in his blood.

I sighed and shook my head. "Here it goes." I looked over at Shikamaru who was trying to get to his feet. "Don't waste your energy Shikamaru. There isn't anything you can do. I'm sorry, but I warned you that you would regret staying here."

He shook his head, ignoring me. "Shit!" He started running towards Asuma as said smoker started coughing up blood. He tripped a few moments later.

"So? Does it hurt?" Hidan snickered. He grabbed the scythe and wiggled it around a bit. "Does it fucking hurt?" Asuma gasped in pain and began breathing heavily. Hidan just cackled. He reached inside his cloak and pulled out another spear. "Finally. I'll finally be able to experience the pain." He extended the spear. "The pain that comes with killing you!"

"It's over." Kakuzu growled.

Hidan raised the pike over his head and swung.

"No!" Shikamaru shouted.

And Hidan drove the spear straight through his chest.

Asuma just stared in disbelief before he coughed up blood. He then tipped forward, slowly falling towards the dirt he kneeled on. His face hit the ground with a quiet thud.

"ASUMA!" Shikamaru shouted.

I shook my head. "I warned them."

Hidan's skin faded back to its usual pale and he ripped his scythe from his stomach. "I'm finished."

"I'll just be another minute." Kakuzu grunted.

Hidan nodded and looked at me. "Get the fuck over here, Alice."

I dipped my head and walked over to him. He patted my head with his unburned hand and grinned hugely at me. I just smiled in response and shook my head at him. "Big dork."

I can't stay mad at him. Even if he did kill my second favorite Jōnin.

"You son of a bitch!" Shikamaru shouted, running towards Hidan. Kakuzu twitched and launched Izumo into him, sending them back. Kotetsu dropped his weapon and it disappeared in a poof as black feathers started falling from the sky.

It reminded me of Itachi's crows.

Which made me sad…

I want my weasel.

"The hell?" Hidan demanded, wrapping his arm protectively around my waist. He hid my face against the cloaked half of his chest to protect me from the crows that were swarming around us. He started brandishing his scythe around to kill them. "You think you can take us out with some gay little crows? Fuck that shit!"

"Trying to hinder out view?" Kakuzu questioned. "Hidan, protect Alice."

"I'm trying, fucker!" Hidan shouted.

"It's Konoha Shinobi." I muttered to Hidan. "Kakuzu, watch out for the sword guy."

Kakuzu nodded and dodged the guy who charged him with a black sword. "Nice call Alice." He praised, bouncing back. Hidan tightened his grip on me and followed his example.

"Reinforcements, huh?" He growled. "Who are these fuckers Alice?"

"Don't worry about it." I stated. "It doesn't matter anyways." I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck. "We'll be leaving in a moment."

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes and disappeared, jumping on top of the building where Choji, Ino, and Shikamaru were with Asuma. Hidan pushed me behind him, getting ready to take the defensive. Kakuzu engaged Aoba in a fight.

"You can struggle all you like, but in the end you'll all be sacrificed to Jashin-sama!" Hidan barked. He paused when Pein called them as I knew he would. "Can't it wait a little longer? Seriously, we're right at the best part." Pein obviously told him no. "All I'm asking for is like another minute!"

I sighed and picked up what remained of Hidan's necklace. "It can't be helped Hidan, when our fearless leader summons us he summons us."

"Knock it off, Hidan." Kakuzu growled as he returned to our side. "We'll be right back, so make sure you're ready." He picked me up seeing as Hidan was covered in blood after grabbing Hidan's forehead protector. He had his case of money in his hand. That made me smile, just a little bit.

"That shithead leader… Next time I'm cursing _him_!" Hidan complained.

"Hey, don't talk about Pein like that." I frowned and punched him in the chest, not caring that I got some of his blood on my fist.

Hidan flicked my forehead and looked back up at Asuma's team as they panicked to get their dying sensei back to Konoha. "Hey! We told you to stay here until we got back! He's about to die anyways! Ask the bitch, she knew he was gonna go before we even came here."

I sighed. "It's true guys. There isn't anything you can do. I'm sorry."

Kakuzu adjusted me in his grip when they all looked at me in disbelief and frustration. Hidan just grinned. "Later bitches!" He called. And with that, we disappeared in a poof.

* * *

_:( I'm sorry Asuma! You were one of my favies in Konoha! But, I love Hidan more._

_So, a sad chapter. But, it will pass in time._

_**Fun Fact:** More than ten people a year are killed by vending machines. Is it weird that I find that awesome?_

Answer: _Favorite chapter so far... hmm... Idk. Probably one of the chapters where Alice and Sasori have sarcastic battles. First chapter that comes to mind is the black out in CYK._

**QotC:**_ If you could die by the hand of any Akatsuki member, who would you want to kill you? Yes. I think about this kind of stuff. Do not judge me._

DeeaE_ wins a oneshot or something else of her choosing because she drew me a pretty picture of Alice. :) So dear, tell me what you would like. And for the rest of you who I owe stuff to... I'm working on them:)  
_

jpbrat10: _I am very sorry and I wish I didn't have to kill him. But, it seriously needs to be done._

_So, I kind of want to kill my mother. She's been bitching about shit for the past three days and she directs her frustration on me because I'm the hated child. It happens. But, she doesn't realize how much effort it takes to not drive the nearest pointy object straight into her forehead. Violent? Yes. Insane? Quite possibly. Would I regret it? No. Am I being dead serious right now? As serious as a heart attack and brain cancer.  
_

_:) Do not judge me~_

_So, I bid the adieu. _


	55. Chapter 55

_I'm updating early as a celebration!_

_We have reached 1,000+ reviews ladies and gents! That is _beyond_ amazing._

_I am sooo happy. :)_

_I love all of you so much._

_Thank you all. So please enjoy this chapter of which I only own Alice.  
_

* * *

Three days.

Three days of sitting in a tiny little cave while Hidan and Kakuzu sat there sealing the two tails. I wanted nothing more than to destroy something. I was getting sick of being essentially alone.

I couldn't even fuck with Hidan and Kakuzu while they were busy. I didn't have anything to use on them. The only thing I had to play with was Hidan's scythe and my sword.

I sat there, bored the entire time.

It fucking rained too.

I was about to throttle both of the immortals when they finally shifted, coming out of their stone like positions they had held for three damn days. Kakuzu's eyes opened a second after they had unfrozen.

"FINALLY!" I shouted, throwing my hands up in the air. "I've been dying out here!"

Hidan glared at me. "Shut the fuck up! You didn't have to sit doing a jutsu the whole damn time!"

"No! You shut the fuck up! I had to babysit your ass and twiddle my thumbs all fucking day for three Jashin damned days!" I snapped, pointing at him dramatically. I made to continue but Kakuzu shut me up by putting his hand over my mouth.

"Relax, Alice." He growled. He prevented me from yelling at Hidan who began prattling about how sitting still for three days sucked and how he was going to let loose and what not. Instead, he picked me up and carried me away.

"Oi, Kakuzu, where the hell are you going? The exchange point is this way, right?" Hidan asked, standing on that rock thingy that I hid under for three days, looking like an idiot.

"Are you brain dead?" Kakuzu asked, pausing to stare at him.

"Yes he is." I muttered passed Kakuzu's hand.

"Say what?" Hidan demanded.

Kakuzu sighed. "Our target is the host. Just because we said we'd be back doesn't mean we're required to waltz right into an ambush."

"Dumbass." I added.

Kakuzu chuckled at me. "We'll take a different route to Konoha. It's been three days so the bounty has probably been sent back to Konoha."

"Yeah, I guess he would have been." Hidan smirked, putting his scythe back on his back.

Kakuzu adjusted me in his grasp and began walking. Hidan followed after him, stopping when Kakuzu turned to look at him again. "That reminds me…"

"Huh?" Hidan asked, raising an eyebrow. "What now?" He asked as Kakuzu reached into the sleeve of his cloak.

"The wound on your neck is ugly, cover it up." Kakuzu growled, throwing Hidan's forehead protector at him.

"Hey, my forehead protector!" Hidan grinned, catching it easily. "Wow, you actually picked it up for me?" He smirked and pointed at Kakuzu. "Kakuzu, you can be a nice guy when you try!"

He really can be.

Though, the same could be said about Hidan.

But they're manly men. I shouldn't say anything.

"Shut up Hidan! Come on." Kakuzu snapped, turning around instantly to walk away.

"Oi! Wait a sec!" Hidan cried, tying his forehead protector around his neck. "Yo! Kakuzu!" He jumped after us. "You may act like a prick, but you really like me, don't you?"

"Keep talking and I will kill you." Kakuzu snarled.

"Awe, don't get shy on me." Hidan laughed.

I smiled at him over Kakuzu's shoulder. "I got what was left of your rosary Hidan." I stated. "Leave Kakuzu alone and I'll give it to you."

He raised his eyebrow. "You picked it up?"

"Of course I did. I couldn't allow such a precious memento of our Lord and master to be forgotten on the ground." I scoffed, withdrawing the Jashinist symbol Hidan always wore so proudly from within my pocket. "Here."

He took it from me and grinned. "Good work bitch."

"Ah, praise." I smiled. He rumpled my hair in response.

And so we walked. Kakuzu and Hidan took turns carrying me. I told them it was compensation for leaving me alone for three days. Neither of them seemed to mind. I actually had fun being carried by Hidan because he was in a really good mood. Being carried by Kakuzu was nice because he was really big and comfy and actually quite nice. We have a lot of intelligent conversations.

"Hidan, Kakuzu. Do you guys know what the plan is and what you're supposed to do?" I asked after a time.

Kakuzu looked at me over his shoulder since I was being piggybacked. "Indeed."

I glanced over my shoulder at Hidan. "Do you Hidan?"

He looked up at me seeing as I was taller than him on Kakuzu's back. "Yeah bitch, I know what I'm doing. Just make sure you give me signals and shit because I'll probably be absorbed in fighting these heathens."

"Don't worry. I'll be reminding you at certain intervals and stuff about certain things. Make sure you keep one ear trained on me because I'll be helping you see past their moves as well. Kakashi and Shikamaru are predictable if you know what to look for." I stated.

**Third Person!**

Kakashi rose to his feet and looked back to address Shikamaru. "Well there's no trail left because of the rain. So, what do we do?"

"Any plans we come up with are pointless if we can't find the enemy." Shikamaru stated. "I bet Alice is helping them avoid us."

"No, I doubt it." Kakashi stated. "She doesn't seem too keen on messing with events. However, the fact that she could makes this dangerous. We have to capture her and take her back to Konoha with us."

"Yes, but we need to find her first." Shikamaru agreed.

"Come to think of it…" Choji stated. He recalled Hidan announcing their return. "They said they would be back, but they wouldn't return to the same spot."

"There should be two squads watching the exchange point…" Ino added.

"It wouldn't be a problem if we were only dealing with the loud one. But he's with that other guy and Alice." Shikamaru sighed. "Both of them are pretty smart. I'm not sure of the big Akatsuki guy, but Alice is on par with me." He shrugged. "However, even if they take a different route, their targets are the same: Asuma's body for a bounty and Naruto for the nine-tails. In short, they're heading for Konoha."

"That narrows the areas we need to search." Kakashi stated. "How do you propose we find them? We have to think up a way that Alice won't be prepared for. If she's as close to the Akatsuki as she says and appears, she'll be helping them."

Shikamaru looked up at the sky. "We'll use that." A hawk soared above them, gaining everyone's attention.

Ino smiled. "Got it. Alice would never see it coming."

"Our top priorities are eliminating these two Akatsuki members and capturing Alice and taking her back to Konoha where she will be under high security and will undergo questioning." Kakashi sighed. "Remember that."

"Yes." Team Asuma stated.

**First Person Alice!**

I sighed and rested my head on Kakuzu's shoulder. He glanced at me and I smiled at him. He rolled his eyes before focusing back on the area around us. I glanced up at the bright blue sky boredly, wondering when we would run into Konoha ninjas.

I smirked when I saw a familiar hawk flying towards us. "Kakuzu, the hawk."

"I remember." He grunted quietly.

I smiled and winked at the hawk just for emphasis. Ino would freak.

It landed on a tree branch behind us and I nudged Kakuzu's head with mine. He span around in an instant and shot his hand at the hawk. Kakuzu scared it away before retracting his hand of awesomeness.

Hidan looked around at us. "What the matter, Kakuzu?"

Kakuzu looked back at him after adjusting me on his back. "Nothing. Just my imagination." He threw a small smirk at me when I smiled and hugged his neck.

Hidan clicked his tongue. "Then move your ass!"

Kakuzu shrugged. "Ah."

I smiled. "You two are so cute."

"Shut up bitch." Hidan shot at me.

"What? I mean it." I pouted. "You're cute and Kakuzu's cute. And your relationship is adorable. You guys totally love each other."

"Alice, I will drop you." Kakuzu threatened.

"Alright I get it." I laughed. "I'll stop."

He glanced at me. "Good girl."

I smiled at them and we fell silent for a time.

Until Shikamaru ruined it with his shadow creeping on us.

Kakuzu didn't even glance at Hidan. "Hidan…"

"I know." Hidan said in response. Both of them jumped away from the shadow and Kakuzu swung me around until he was cradling me.

"Watch out for the explosive tags coming in from above guys." I threw in. Kakuzu tucked me under his arm and hardened his arms, one deflecting the tag and the other protecting me. The tag exploded closely, but I didn't get hurt.

"Kakuzu!" Hidan barked as he emerged from the cloud of smoke surrounding him.

"I hardened my arms." Kakuzu informed him. "Alice and I are fine." He cradled me in his hand that wasn't burrowing underground. "More importantly, watch out for that shadow."

"Like I'll fall for the same thing again!" Hidan snapped.

I shook my head at him. "Shikamaru isn't that dumb Hidan. We've been over this! He's smarter than I am."

"Hidan! Above you!" Kakuzu barked. Shikamaru sent fake tags down at us.

"They're fakes." I called. Kakuzu caught on and merely dodged the blades. "They'll lock onto your shadow." I sighed when they were caught. "And you idiots would know this if you listened to me on the way here."

"He got us." Kakuzu sighed.

"Morons." I stated, removing myself from Kakuzu's hold.

"Shut up bitch! You could have warned us!" Hidan snapped.

I frowned. "I did. Five times actually before now." I put my hands on my hips. "You were just too absorbed in making dirty comments. Kakuzu actually listened, but I think he may have forgotten in the heat of the battle."

"Shadow mimic successful." Shikamaru bragged as he dropped from the tree.

I sighed. "You're lucky they're idiots, Shikamaru. By the way, it's nice to see you again. I'm sorry about your loss. Tell Kurenai I said the same when you see her next. It really sucks that her baby won't have a dad."

"Alice, quit socializing." Kakuzu sighed.

I smiled at him. "Sorry dearest Kuzu."

"You bastard." Hidan snarled, glaring at Shikamaru. "You never touched us."

"He's holding your shadow down with the chakra blades Hidan." I informed him. "Like I told you before."

"They're mementos from Asuma. The man you two murdered." Shikamaru added.

Kakuzu raised his eyebrow. "The 35 million ryou?"

I smiled. "Yes Kakuzu. That's him."

"Now it's time to end this." Shikamaru stated, rising to his feet.

I smirked. "Well, it looks like it's going to be a battle of smarts Shikamaru. I'm not too keen on letting my favorite immortals get hurt you know. I know every move you'll make before you do. I knew Ino was in that hawk. Why do you think Kakuzu sent his arm after it?"

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "You'd help them?"

"Obviously." I stated. "Now, I don't want the four of you to get hurt either, and I didn't want Asuma to die. And I definitely don't want Naruto to suffer, but there are some things I cannot help. However, if you retreat now, you'll be just fine. I'll even try to sway Kakuzu from his greed. Though I can't make any promises."

"Don't even try it." Kakuzu stated.

I laughed. "See?"

"Why the hell are you being so easy going about this?" Hidan demanded. "You had to go and get yourself caught too, didn't you?" He glared at me. "And you, you crazy bitch! Do something!" He sighed when I raised my eyebrow at him.

"No chakra Hidan. I can't do much." I reminded him.

"We're totally fucking screwed aren't we?" He complained loudly.

Shikamaru nodded. "Oh you're screwed. According to my plan, the second I captured you, it was over."

I smirked. "Don't count your chickens before they hatch, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru glanced at me before taking control of Hidan's shadow with his own. He used a strand of it to get the chakra blade out of the ground.

"Damn it, what are you going to do now?" Hidan growled.

"I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice in a row." Shikamaru laughed. "You two are about to be cornered. Then we'll take Alice back to the village. She's considered an S-rank criminal with all of the information she has."

"Really?" I asked. "That's fucking awesome! I always wanted to be a criminal." I grinned at Hidan and Kakuzu. "Looks like you two forcing me to help you commit crimes has finally paid off."

Ha! Suck on that!

I'm a criminal.

I feel like such a winner now.

Shikamaru raised his eyebrow at me. "I'll be sure to target the right guy first this time." He then began moving back, forcing Hidan to mimic his movements. Hidan was forced to grab his scythe as well.

"I've got your fucking face memorized." Hidan barked. "I'm gonna destroy you if it's the last thing I do!"

Shikamaru forced Hidan to rip his scythe from the ground and brandish it a bit before he ran in Kakuzu's direction. "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?"

"You just now figured that out?" I asked sarcastically.

He jumped in the air and prepared to swing, forcing Hidan to do the same with his scythe, aiming to slice Kakuzu's shit up.

"Kakuzu, duck!" Hidan ordered. Kakuzu did as requested, dodging the weapon as well as ripping the chakra blade from the ground and off of his shadow. His cloak unfortunately got ripped up a bit.

"Nice!" Hidan praised as Kakuzu both ducked and freed himself.

"Good job Kakuzu." I smiled.

Kakuzu grunted at me as he hopped away from Hidan, bringing me with him so he could put me further out of danger. He set me down by a fallen tree where he knew I would be out of the line of fire for now.

"You said we were finished, but you still have no idea what I am capable of." Kakuzu stated. "So you kept your distance and came up with a new strategy. You actually think, unlike my partner." He retracted his hand. "But even if you analyze every aspect of a battle, things don't always go according to plan." He patted my head. "Right Alice?"

"Right-o Kakuzu." I smiled. "And Hidan just caught on."

"OI! KAKUZU!" Hidan snapped as if I cued him. "What the fuck was that 'unlike my partner' bullshit? Don't you fucking agree with him you crazy bitch!"

"Exactly what it sounded like, moron." Kakuzu told him, looking in his direction boredly.

"Look out Kakuzu. Shikamaru's getting ready to use Hidan." I hissed. Kakuzu shot backwards just as Shikamaru used Hidan to run at Kakuzu, swinging his scythe like a mad man. Hidan bitched and complained the entire time.

"Kakuzu! Do something jackass!" Hidan whined.

"You're forcing me back!" Kakuzu barked.

I frowned. "Kakuzu! Tree! Choji's above you!" I barked.

Kakuzu's back hit the tree and Choji came barreling down on him as he was supposed to. I smirked when Kakuzu hardened himself to avoid injury.

Hidan gawked. "Kakuzu!"

I smirked. "Idiots."

* * *

_I love all of you._

**_Fun Fact: _**_Alice doesn't know how to ride a bike. I do though!  
_

Answer: _I would want Hidan to kill me because I want to be sacrificed to Jashin-sama. Itachi, because he's a sexy beast. Kakuzu because I would be reminded of tentacle rape the entire time. Pein because he's Leader. Zetsu so he could eat me. Deidara so he could blow me up and Kisame because Samehada is badass. However, I'd pick Hidan first._

**QotC:** _Which Akatsuki member do you think looked/would look the most adorable as a child?_

Tori-da-Mutt_ made me a _wonderful_ musing/oneshot for this story. It's on her fanfiction account. Go read it because it makes me happy. By the way, if you can't draw or just don't want to, you can write me a fan oneshot or something aout this story. It's all the same, really. You my dear, have earned a oneshot and I will get started on it right away. Also, she still wins for being the person to leave the longest review._

Gir's Punk Doll: _You were my 1,000th reviewer. I thank you for the review and support and whatnot. You have won a oneshot. :) If you want it, please let me know what you want:D Thank you again~~~_  
Avenging Pineapple Dreamer: _Thank you for the long ass review. Lol. It made me smile.  
_Navi-at-Heart:_ They didn't yell at Alice because they were too concerned for their dying mentor. _

_Lol at your guys' responses to the vending machine fun fact.  
_

_I love all of you. I don't think you realize how appreciative I am of you guys. Thank you all soooo much. I heart you from the bottom of my soul._

_I talked to Louis and Brett on the phone last night and they told me to tell you all that they love you. With a few choice words of raping you and what not from Louis. But, that's life ne?_

_XD XD_

_Have a wonderful day/night/life._


	56. Chapter 56

_I'm updating a lot. I know._

_But why do you care? This benefits you._

_Enjoy the chapter._

_I do not own Naruto._

* * *

I sat back and watched Choji emerge from the dust cloud and skid to a stop beside Shikamaru. "What's going on?" He asked.

"It's just like Raido-senpai described." Shikamaru stated.

I laughed. "Prepare yourselves for the badassary that is Kakuzu." I smiled at him as he walked coolly from the settling dirt cloud. "Kakuzu, remember what I told you."

Kakuzu's body lightened as he released his jutsu. "I'll try."

"That's his ability!" Shikamaru explained.

Kakuzu blinked. "Another good analysis. You're right. No physical attack can harm me."

Hidan started laughing. "Cower in fear you pathetic atheists!" He grinned at Kakuzu. "Now it's our turn! Kakuzu, break this technique already!"

"Kakuzu, behind you!" I barked. "Kakashi!"

Kakuzu made to turn around but didn't make it in time. Kakashi speared right through him with Chidori.

"Shit." I sighed. "Sorry about that Kakuzu, I'd almost forgotten about Kakashi being here. I would have warned you a few seconds earlier. Though, you should have remembered this from a couple hours ago."

"Too bad for you." Kakashi said into Kakuzu's ear.

"What the hell happened?" Hidan asked. "I thought physical attacks didn't work on you!" He looked at me. "And you said he was badass?"

I smiled. "Shut up Hidan. Pay attention." I watched Kakashi and Kakuzu obviously communicate. It was too quiet for me to hear, not being a ninja, and I couldn't read their lips since they both use masks. But, I know what was being said considering I'm Alice and I know all of the anime episodes(fillers not necessarily included) by heart.

My eyes narrowed when Kakashi used the blood container thing to get some of Kakuzu's blood. If things went according to plan, they would never get to use it.

"Things would be a lot harder if we didn't take out the mortal one first." Shikamaru stated, breathing heavier because of the drain on his chakra.

I smiled. "Such a lack of knowledge my sweet Shikamaru."

Hidan sighed as Kakuzu fell to the ground. "Did he get your heart? You can't just go around getting killed out of nowhere. Man you suck!"

"Hidan, leave him alone." I stated. "At least he didn't get his head cut off."

"Oi, fuck you! You two let that happen!" Hidan snapped.

"That's only because you wouldn't let me warn you of the battle beforehand." I retorted. "That's your own damn fault you idiot."

He glared at me. "I'll fucking kill you."

"Do it. I dare you. See what happens to you if you so much as land a finger on me." I smirked. "The rest of the Akatsuki will play soccer with your fucking head."

Kakashi gained out attention by firing up his Chidori again. "You're next." He directed at Hidan.

"Come on big guy." I encouraged as Kakashi began charging at Hidan. Kakuzu chose that time to listen to me. He got up and Spartan kicked the shit out of Kakashi, sending him straight into the tree.

And the domino effect knocked down a shitload of other trees too.

"That's my greedy miser." I praised. "Good boy Kakuzu."

Hidan laughed. "That's what he gets for acting cool and saying shit like, 'You're next.'" He grinned. "Now, let's slaughter these idiots."

"I intend to." Kakuzu growled, unzipping his cloak. He handed it to me with a grunt.

"Sorry Kakuzu. I didn't want you to have to lose one, but I suppose it can't be helped." I apologized, eyeing the masks on his back.

Jashin they were awesome.

He glanced at me. "It's fine, Alice."

Hidan and I watched proudly as our favorite miser released his hearts from his back. Everyone else looked horrified and shocked. I don't know how. Kakuzu is pretty much the definition of badass.

Hidan bounced around happily as he was released from Shikamaru's hold. "Finally! I can move!" He turned to Kakuzu with a grin. "So, you ready to kill them, Kakuzu?"

"Yeah." Kakuzu nodded. "Alice, come here."

I skipped around Hidan and to his side. He patted my head when I reached him. "Stay close. That way you won't get hurt."

"Gotcha big guy." I smiled.

Hidan cackled and punched the air. "Watch this Jashin-sama! I'm gonna go nuts, seriously, go crazy, non-stop insane of all of them!"

"Stick to the plan, Hidan my dear." I reminded him. He just waved me off. His attention was on one of Kakuzu's hearts that fell to the ground at his feet.

"Kakuzu! Oi, whoa, whoa!" Hidan shouted. "One of em died right after you let it out!" He glared. "Jashin, could you suck anymore?"

"Hidan, sit this one out with Alice. I'm going to fight him." Kakuzu stated.

"What?" Hidan demanded. "No way! I'm getting sick that they keep tricking me!"

"It isn't that hard to do Hidan." I told him. "Calm down."

Hidan glared at me before looking at Kakuzu. "Let's just do it like always. Kay?"

Kakuzu nodded. "Alice. Now is the time."

"Right you are Kakuzu." I stated, reaching into my pocket for my cell.

Kakuzu made a hand sign as Hidan licked his lips and shot at Kakashi, brandishing his scythe. One of Kakuzu's hearts wrapped around me as his wind mask flew after Hidan, intent on holding up its end of the combo attack.

Once the ridiculous wind ended, Kakuzu's lightning mask began charging up. I dialed Kathryn's number, knowing it was finally time.

The call was answered just as Kakuzu fired.

"_Hello?_" Sasori's sarcastic voice questioned.

"Hey Sasori." I smiled, cherishing the sarcastic voice while I could. "Sorry if it's kind of loud, Kakuzu and Hidan aren't holding back."

"_I expect nothing less._" He informed me. "_Now, was there a reason you called?_"

"Yeah." I stated. "How are things on your end?"

He was silent for a moment. "_Shut up brat, just finish up your half._" He snapped. "_Sorry about that. Deidara is slacking. Once he's done with his side, we'll be ready for you. It might take a bit after you make the second call. Give us about fifteen minutes until then at least._"

I nodded. "I haven't even given the signal to the zombie brothers yet. I'll let you know when they're ready. Thanks Sasori. Try not to wear yourselves out, okay?"

He grunted. "_Ah. Don't get yourself hurt kid. I don't want to listen to it. Between the brats and your Uchiha, I never get a moment of peace._"

I laughed. "Alright. See you soon buddy."

"_Unfortunately._" He retorted.

I glared. "Shut up Sasori. Goodbye." I heard him chuckle as I ended the call. I looked around at Kakuzu and Hidan just as Hidan joined up with the miser after the huge ass lightning attack.

"I'm impressed." Hidan stated. "You're the first person to ever survive that combo, Hatake Kakashi."

"His Sharingan saved him again." Kakuzu stated as he did a few hand signs. "But can he keep it up?" The fire mask that had been shielding me stepped forward and opened its mouth to shoot that huge wave of fire at them.

"Hidan, Kakuzu, you have at least fifteen minutes to prepare yourselves." I informed them as the Konoha Shinobi fled the fire. "I just called Sasori. He needs at least fifteen minutes to finish up. According to him, it'll take around five to initiate the summoning. So prepare yourselves before that time. I can make the call when you're ready."

Kakuzu glanced back at me. "Right."

Hidan nodded. "Got it bitch." He then shot forward to go and attack Kakashi. I smiled at him. Hidan was so violent.

I freaking love it.

Anyways, he attacked Kakashi for a bit before he stood in front of the giant crater made by Kakuzu's fire mask. And the three of us listened to Shikamaru and Kakashi analyze Kakuzu's secret about his five hearts.

Four now but you get the point.

"Very sharp." Kakuzu commended once they concluded that they'd essentially have to kill him four more times before he actually died. "You're absolutely right."

I smiled. "But good luck with that."

"Each one of my masks contains a heart from a Shinobi I've killed. I'll have to stock back up." His eyes narrowed as he smirked evilly. "Your hearts will be perfect."

Kakuzu and I enjoyed their shocked gasping for a time before Hidan decided to join the conversation. He slammed the blades of his scythe lazily into the ground. "Oh, by the way, does Konoha bury their dead? 'Cuz if they do, it's gonna suck ass. Kakuzu's gonna be all, 'We have to dig up the bounty and take him to the exchange point!'" He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "That fire-spitting bastard, I expected to get a little more mileage outta him." He threw his hand in the air dejectedly. "But in the end he was fucking worthless."

"Says the guy whose head he chopped off…" Kakuzu grumbled.

"Shut your Jashin-damned hole!" Hidan shouted, rounding on Kakuzu. He turned around a second later, showing off his mood swings that rival mine. "I know you guys came here looking for revenge, but that ain't happening with your skills."

Choji clicked his tongue in irritation.

Hidan's teasing was working.

"You all look like brats. I'm guessing you were his students." He glanced back at me as he rested his scythe in his shoulder. "Right bitch?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"With such a pussy for a teacher, it's no wonder you can't handle us." Hidan smirked.

"Don't insult Asuma sensei like that!" Choji yelled.

Shikamaru grabbed his shoulder to calm him down. "Choji."

Hidan chuckled. "One of those priceless student-teacher bonds? What a crock!"

Choji was red in anger. "You bastard!"

Shikamaru tightened his grip. "Choji!" He warned.

"What was so great about that dickhead, you fat fuck?" Hidan teased.

Choji exploded.

He sprinted towards Hidan who grinned evilly and brandished his scythe, preparing to slice the fuck out of the bulkier Konoha Shinobi. Choji enlarged his hand and punched at the same time Hidan swung, but as expected Shikamaru stopped him with his shadow possession.

Hidan recovered from the initial shock at missing and jumped into the air, preparing to cut Choji down, only to be engaged by Kakashi who boldly stepped in his line of fire.

Hidan chuckled at Kakashi's arrival and kicked him back to get some distance before whooping loudly and charging after him.

Meanwhile…

"You dumbass! You see what happens when you let yourself get riled up so easily?" Shikamaru asked.

"Sorry." Choji pouted. I smirked as Kakuzu appeared inches from Choji when he wasn't paying attention. Choji looked around and about shit his pants when he saw Kakuzu.

"That's my miser." I grinned. I nodded approvingly as Kakuzu stopped Choji's punch easily and retaliated with his own blows, sending the fatty back until he collided with a tree. Kakuzu grunted slightly as he glanced back at me before following Choji.

With a super awesome spin movement, he sent Choji into that fucking tree with ease. All the while, Hidan could be heard making goofy noises as he fought Kakashi.

"I told you not to count your chickens before they hatched Shikamaru. You can still leave if you want to survive." I called. "I don't want you all to get hurt, but if you're not going to listen to me, than it's your own fault."

"Why are you helping them?" Ino asked.

"Why not?" I wondered. "I love them. You'd help someone if you loved them too."

Ino gawked. "But they killed Asuma-sensei!"

"And if you guys would have heeded my warning, he wouldn't have died. You have no one to blame. Don't blame them and don't blame me." I retorted. "You could listen to me now too, but I know you won't."

Kakuzu shot his hand forward and it wrapped around Choji's face. "You should have listened to her." He dragged him out from the tree and hardened his hand. "Die."

Ino jumped into action and launched a shuriken at Kakuzu who lazily let it fly past his face. He glanced at her as she armed herself with a kunai. "You little tart." He jumped back and skillfully began dodging Shikamaru's shadow until his lightning mask joined the fight and attacked him.

Ino gasped. "Shikamaru!" She made to take a step after him but was stopped by Kakuzu's hand which wrapped around her throat and began dragging her towards him. The same quickly happened to Choji.

"I told you." I sighed, shaking my head.

"Worms." Kakuzu growled. He glanced at me. "Don't bother with them, Alice." He held them up above his head. "They'll die now for not listening to you."

I knew they wouldn't die.

But I still felt bad about hurting them.

I didn't like being the bitch.

Well… at least not _all_ the time…

Though, the whole "Alice is a criminal now" bit was extremely satisfying.

I'd rather no one get hurt.

But I'd kill them myself if it meant I got to keep Hidan and Kakuzu.

No one is going to take away my immortals.

Just like no one is going to take away my artists, my shark, my leaders, my plant, and my lollipop. And there was no fucking way I would lose my weasel.

I'd blow up worlds for that Uchiha.

"Kakuzu, I'd watch out if I were you." I threw in as Shikamaru started running in his direction. He whipped out that scroll with water and summoned it just as the lightning mask sent a bolt at him. It hit the water, electrifying Kakuzu.

He dropped Ino and Choji when Shikamaru threw a tag at him and forced the water up to shield him from the explosion.

I sighed.

What was the point of me warning them if they don't even listen to me?

"Both of you are idiots." I sighed when they both stood side by side once more. "I've given you countless warnings and you don't listen to them."

Hidan glared at me. "Shut up bitch."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Hidan, I'll fucking hurt you."

"Bring it." He challenged, rounding on me.

Kakuzu smacked Hidan in the back of the head. "Don't touch her moron. We have other enemies."

"She's being a bitch." Hidan pouted.

"And you're being a child." I sighed. "Are you two ready?"

Kakuzu nodded. "I've been ready."

"Same here." Hidan added.

I nodded in approval.

Something happened during the time when I was talking to Hidan and Kakuzu. Something that completely caught me off guard.

I watched my immortals as they focused on our enemies again, smiling slightly since everything was going according to plan. Kakuzu and Hidan were ready to send in their blood clones and if Sasori wasn't exaggerating, he should be ready with the summoning circle.

However, something always has to fuck my shit up.

Choji, being the fatass he is, randomly did his human bolder and charged Kakuzu and Hidan. They dodged and he avoided me but he crashed into a tree before rolling back to Shikamaru, Ino, and Kakashi.

Me, being the inattentive idiot I am, didn't notice half of the damn tree crashed into plummeting towards me until it cracked me in the head and crushed me.

Fuck my life.

* * *

_Uh oh._

_What's going down?_

_**Fun Fact: **Hippo milk is pink_

Answer: _To be honest, I think all of them would be adorable. But... I'd love to see Hidan as a baby running around swearing at everyone. Kisame would be freaking adorable too and Zetsu would kill me with cuteness. Itachi, we all know was cute as hell. So were Konan, Yahiko, and Nagato. Sasori was a doll and I'm certain Dei and Kakuzu would be cute as fuck. Madara was prolly a cutie too._

**QotC: **_Which death of an Akatsuki member was the most touching/saddest in your opinion?_

_I'm updating today for a reason. 1) I already had this chapter typed. 2) I'm... not feeling my best at the moment and I don't feel like typing shit. So I needed to tell you people who I owe stuff to, that your presents are going to have to wait until I get out of my depression that has slowly been deepening.  
_

_Today isn't a good day for me. But, I'm not going to bitch about it because that's not how I deal with things. So, I'll see you guys hopefully Friday. If not, I'll try to post on Saturday or something. I'll end up forcing myself to post. But, for now, you can expect something Friday._

_Bye  
_


	57. Chapter 57

_Here is the next chapter_

_Enjoy._

_I do not own Naruto_**  
**

* * *

**Third Person!**

Hidan's eyes widened as a giant chunk of the tree the fat kid crashed into snapped off and crushed Alice. "Alice!" He ran towards her, panicking a bit. "Kakuzu! Get my back!"

Kakuzu gawked but quickly composed himself and fell back. He went into a defensive position with his hearts standing guard alongside him. His eyes never left the Konoha enemies as he waited for Hidan to get to Alice.

Hidan sprinted to the tree and started trying to lift it, glaring at the blood surrounding the little of Alice he could see. "Don't you die on me you crazy bitch." He growled when the chunk of wood wouldn't budge. "Kakuzu! Help! I can't lift it! She's fucking bleeding a lot!"

Kakuzu darted to his side. His eyes narrowed at the blood pooling around them. He lifted the tree off of Alice, but only high enough to where Hidan could crawl under it. "Get her out from underneath it. I can't lift it any higher. It's pretty heavy." He ordered. Hidan nodded and dragged her out from under it.

Hidan winced when he saw blood oozing out of a slice in her head as well as multiple other wounds. He was certain she would have a few broken bones and a couple sharper pieces of wood actually sliced through her skin and impaled her in places, cutting her up.

Kakuzu set the tree back down and knelt beside Alice. "Guard us. I'll look over her."

Hidan handed her to Kakuzu and stood, seeing the Konoha Shinobi watching with shocked expressions. He pointed at Choji. "You fat fucker! Look what you did!"

Choji gawked. Kakashi, Shikamaru, and Ino stared with wide eyes. "Is she dead?"

Hidan frowned. "Don't act like you fucking care! You don't even know her you heathen bastards! I'll slaughter the lot of you for this!" Alice was _his_ crazy bitch. If anyone got to hurt her, it was him.

"She's not dead." Kakuzu stated with a small sigh. "She'll be alright, but we need to stop the bleeding and get her head checked out. We have to get her out of here as soon as possible. Or she _will_ die."

Hidan nodded and reached into Alice's pocket, fumbling with the cell phone since his hands were covered in blood. "Cover me. I'm calling the puppet fucker."

"Right." Kakuzu grunted, handing Alice back to Hidan and getting to his feet. "Get ready, Hidan."

"I know asshole. I've been ready" Hidan growled. He dialed the practiced number of Kathryn's cell phone. "Pick up! Hurry up!"

Sasori answered the phone. "_Are they ready?_"

"Do it fucker." Hidan ordered. "We're ready. Hurry the hell up."

Sasori noticed the urgency in Hidan's voice. "_Is there a reason Alice isn't the one making this call?_"

"You'll see later you shit. Hurry the hell up damn it!" Hidan barked. He paused as something else spawned in his mind. "Shit Kakuzu, what if the summoning makes it worse? Will she be okay?" Kakuzu just glanced at Alice.

"_Hidan, what the hell happened?_" Sasori demanded.

"Just do it you asshole!" Hidan barked. "Hurry!"

Sasori sighed slightly before clearing his throat. "_We'll start now. Hold on for about five minutes._"

"Right." Hidan nodded. He ended the call and slipped the cell back into Alice's pocket. He began tearing off parts of his cloak to stop the bleeding. "Kakuzu, we got five minutes."

Kakuzu nodded in understanding and called all but one of his remaining hearts back into his person. He glared in the direction of the Konoha Shinobi. "You'll die now."

Hidan was on guard over Alice, glaring daggers at the enemies. "Heathen bastards."

"I'll stall them for another few minutes." Kakuzu hissed. "Prepare yourself, Hidan."

"I'm already prepared." Hidan growled. "Two minutes fucker."

Kakuzu shot a huge ball of fire straight at them, before following up with another huge wave of fire that covered everything within three miles. Hidan and Alice remained safe behind him however.

As the fire began to disappear, there was still a shroud of smoke and dust around the Akatsuki pair. Hidan formed the hand signs just as Kakuzu did and a strange feeling surrounded them. Hidan grabbed Alice and held onto her just before the three of them disappeared in a poof, replaced by their blood clones.

Hidan sighed when he appeared in the indoor training grounds of the base. He set Alice down, looking over her as the smoke around them began to disperse.

"What the hell?" Sasori demanded, breathing heavily. Beside him, Deidara was panting, looking completely worn out. "What happened to Alice?"

Hidan glared at Alice's wounds. "She got hurt."

"I can fucking tell!" Sasori snapped, coughing once. "How did this happen?"

"I'll explain later. As of now, we need to get Alice medical attention." Kakuzu growled. He picked up Alice, taking her from Hidan. He looked down at his partner as he began walking towards the door. "Go and get Konan. Bring her to the infirmary."

Hidan got to his feet and nodded. "Right." He sprinted from the room just as Kakuzu rushed from it with Alice in his arms.

Kakuzu set Alice down on one of the tables. Sasori followed him inside a moment later and walked over to the table. His eyes narrowed at her condition. "Damn."

"One of the Konoha Shinobi crashed into a tree and a huge chunk of it broke off and crushed Alice. It's a wonder she's still alive. It could have killed her easily." Kakuzu explained. He looked around when Konan rushed into the room with Pein, Zetsu, and Hidan.

Konan hurried to Alice's side and her eyes widened. "Oh my gosh. Alice." She shook her head at the damage. "Kakuzu, start stitching her wounds together. I'll work on healing her head."

Sasori sighed. "I'd help, but I'm about out of chakra."

Zetsu put his hand on Sasori's shoulder as if he was asked and began channeling chakra into him. "Do what you can Sasori. **We'll bring some herbs to help the healing. You all better hurry up before Itachi and Kisame get back though.**"

"It'll be bad enough when Kathryn finds out." Pein stated with narrowed eyes. He glanced over his shoulder. "Hidan, go and explain the situation to her and Deidara. Inform her that she isn't to come in here until I'm certain Alice will make it." He paused. "Just in case..."

Hidan nodded. "Sir."

Kakuzu shot Hidan a glance as he began stitching together a large slice on Alice's arm. It cut through the top of her forearm. Sasori poured chakra into a larger wound on her chest, stopping the blood flow.

Konan muttered quietly under her breath as she stopped the bleeding from Alice's head. She focused on closing her skin and making sure no damage was done internally. She sighed with relief when she found nothing life threatening or overly serious.

Almost an hour later, Konan and Sasori stopped their efforts, satisfied that she was going to be alright, Zetsu having kept them supplied with chakra when needed. Kakuzu finished stitching up the last of Alice's more serious wounds and looked up at Pein, sighing. "She's going to be fine. As of now, her leg is the issue." A stick or branch from the tree had impaled her leg.

Pein dipped his head. "Thank you for your hard work. Sasori, inform Kathryn and Deidara that Alice is fine and they may come and see her now. I would like you and Deidara to rest though. You used up a lot of chakra today. You too, Kakuzu." Said miser grunted.

Sasori nodded. "Sir." He left the room with a sigh as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Konan, be sure to rest as well." Pein stated, looking at his partner.

"Yes Pein-sama." Konan said with a dip of her head. She checked over the bandages they had wrapped Alice up in once more. "When are Itachi and Kisame expected to return?"

"Soon." Pein told her. "Within a few hours." He looked at his subordinates. "I will handle informing them of the situation. All of you deserve rest now."

The door burst open and Kathryn rushed in. "Alice." She muttered. She would have jumped on the table if Deidara hadn't tightened his grip around her waist. Kathryn had tears in her eyes as she hugged Kakuzu. "Thank you." She moved onto Konan. "Thank you for healing Alice." She looked at Pein. "Danna said she would be okay."

"Alice will be just fine." Pein stated. "There was no internal damage. She will be a little light headed and whatnot from the blood loss and she had a concussion. But she will recover."

Deidara sighed with relief and rested his head on Kathryn's shoulder. "Thank god, un." He looked over his shoulder at Hidan. "So what happened to her? Hidan only told us she got hurt badly and that you all were healing her, un."

"The fat Konoha Shinobi crashed into a tree and knocked a chunk loose from it. That part of the tree fell on top of Alice." Kakuzu explained. "It's impressive that she's still alive."

Kathryn frowned. "Choji did it?" She walked to Alice's side and touched her bandaged head. The right side of her face was covered in scratches and stitched slices from the tree and ground.

"If Choji is the fat fuck with swirls on his face than yes, Choji did it." Hidan snarled.

Kathryn nodded. "That's him."

Pein sighed. "All of you go and rest. I will have Zetsu keep an eye on Alice."

"Yes sir." All of them said in unison. Deidara wrapped his arm around Kathryn's shoulder and led her away from Alice. She hugged Hidan, Kakuzu, and Konan again before following her bomber out of the room so she could thank their Danna.

Hidan and Kakuzu left the room together just before Pein and Konan did. Three of them went to their rooms while Pein returned to his office. He sat behind his desk after asking Zetsu to watch over Alice and sighed.

Itachi and Kisame entered the base together. The Uchiha searched the base as he usually did and felt Pein and Konan's chakras as well as Zetsu's. Tobi's was absent. He felt the dormant state of Deidara and Sasori's surprisingly weak chakra before he felt Kakuzu and Hidan's.

"Kakuzu and Hidan are back." Kisame pointed out. "Alice is probably in your room waiting for you. Let's go see Pein. Then you can go to her."

Itachi nodded reluctantly, wanting nothing more than to go to his Alice and hold her. He missed her more than anything. "Let's go."

He and Kisame entered their leader's office when he gave them permission. He stared at them before dipping his head in greeting. "Itachi, Kisame, welcome back." He gestured with his head at the chairs in front of his desk. "Take a seat. I want to tell the two of you something."

Itachi raised his eyebrow but he and Kisame obeyed and sat in the chairs Pein indicated. "What is it, Leader-sama?"

"I'm sure you have noticed that Kakuzu, Hidan, and Alice have returned." Pein began with a raised eyebrow.

Kisame grinned. "Sure we did. I can't wait to see the kid again."

Pein stared at him before sighing. "You won't be thinking that quiet soon, Kisame."

"Why?" Itachi asked immediately, tensing up.

"Alice was severely injured on the mission." Pein stated. "She is fine now and she will recover fully, but she will have a lot more scars that she did. She suffered a concussion and multiple severe wounds."

Itachi gawked. "What?"

"It's alright, Itachi." Pein said calmly. "Once I'm through with you, you may go and see her. She's going to be just fine. She won't be moving around much for a little while due to a few injuries."

"What happened?" Kisame demanded.

"During Kakuzu and Hidan's battle, one of the Konoha Shinobi crashed into a tree using a jutsu of his and knocked a large portion of the tree loose. That portion of the tree fell on top of Alice. According to Kakuzu, she's lucky to be alive. I assure you she is just fine though."

"I want to see her." Itachi said suddenly.

Pein nodded. "I'm through with you. Go ahead. She's in the infirmary. Zetsu is watching over her for me."

Itachi bowed along with Kisame and both men shot from the room. They sped through the base and to the infirmary where they found Zetsu applying some sort of herb to a cut on Alice's right bicep. He looked up when the door opened. "**So you're back.** I was just putting stuff on her wound to help it heal. **We'll leave the three of you alone.**"

Itachi was at Alice's side the second Zetsu disappeared through the floor. He touched her cheek gently. "Alice."

She didn't respond.

He rested his forehead against hers and kissed her. He could barely contain his worry. She appeared alright despite the bandages covering her. But that didn't stop him.

Her nose twitched at his touch.

Kisame put his hand on Itachi's shoulder. "She'll be alright."

"I know. But that doesn't really make me worry any less." Itachi replied. He stroked her cheek. "I am thankful she is alive though. I can't describe the relief I felt when Leader-sama said she was fine." He grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently.

Alice twitched slightly and her breathing shifted. She blinked and winced at the pain in her head.

"Oh fuck. My head hurts." She winced. She blinked and looked around. "Itachi?"

Itachi stared at her. "Alice." He kissed her. It took her a minute of confused blinking to catch up but after a moment she responded weakly.

"Why does it feel like I was hit by a bus?" She asked when he allowed her to breathe. "Where the hell am I?"

"You're in the infirmary." Itachi explained. "You were injured on your mission with Kakuzu and Hidan."

Alice blinked as she tried to remember. "Oh yeah. I remember. I got crushed by a huge ass fucking tree. Damn Choji and his fat ass." She sighed and rubbed her forehead gently. "So do you know what the damage is?"

"I do not." Itachi confessed. "I was only told that you have a concussion, and you'll have a lot of scars. You also lost a lot of blood."

"I fucking hate nature." Alice sighed. "I swear just about any type of wood is out to get me. Maybe that's why Sasori likes being mean to me so much."

Kisame snickered. "That must be it."

Alice smiled weakly and looked towards Kisame. "There's my shark." Her smile increased slightly when Kisame kissed her cheek. "I missed you guys."

"We missed you as well, Alice." Itachi assured her. He kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you too." She told him with a smile. "I love you as well Kisame."

He chuckled. "Me too kid."

"How did I get here?" Alice asked.

"I'm not sure. I'm sure Hidan and Kakuzu brought you back." Itachi stated.

"So they're okay?" She pressed.

"As far as I know, they're fine." Itachi soothed. "I want you to worry about getting better though. Kakuzu and Hidan will be alright without you worrying about them."

Alice frowned. "I'm still going to until I'm certain they're okay."

Itachi smiled gently. Even in her weakest state, she was still the most stubborn female he had ever met. He stroked her cheek. "I'll send them in tomorrow morning to see you."

Alice nodded. "Fair enough." She yawned. "I'm tired."

"Then sleep my love." He told her.

She looked at him and touched his cheek with her hand. "You look sleepy."

"Because he's barely slept." Kisame mumbled.

**First Person Alice!**

I looked at Itachi and raised my eyebrow, wincing at the pain it caused. Something felt like it was straining or ripping on my face. "Why not?"

Itachi looked away from me. "I couldn't sleep."

"Itachi, I told you to take care of yourself." I sighed. I touched his face. "Go to sleep."

He frowned. "I'm not going to leave you in here by yourself."

"So climb on." I stated, patting the bed. "I intended for you to sleep here with me anyways."

Kisame chuckled. "Give me your stuff Itachi; I'll drop it off at your room. I'm gonna head to bed as well."

Itachi dipped his head gratefully and handed Kisame the things that he didn't need. Kisame kissed my forehead and bade me and Itachi goodnight before leaving the infirmary and heading for his room.

"Climb in my sexy weasel. I want to cuddle." I ordered. Itachi chuckled and obeyed, getting on the bed I was confined to and rolling to my side. He kissed my cheek and wrapped his arms gently around me.

"I missed you so much Alice." He whispered.

I snuggled into him as best as I could. "I missed you too babe." I nuzzled his chest gently. "I love you Itachi."

I truly did.

Even in my dazed and pained state, there was no way I could describe my love for this Uchiha. It made me want to burst because it actually hurt. Itachi is my being now and there's no way that will ever change.

I could never hope to live without him.

Jashin I love this man.

* * *

_Who doesn't?_

_**Fun Fact: **Women have a better sense of smell than men._

Answer: _Itachi's, first and foremost. Kisame's death has always hit me hard because of his last words. And Konan's death was really sad and adorable:( All of them made me sad because I love them so much, but damn... Kishimoto really wanted to make people depressed with Itachi, Kisame, and Konan's deaths_

**QotC:**_ Would you rather be a ninja, pirate, or a Samurai?_

_I'm still in a state of depression. And the only reason I posted this was because I already had it typed from a while ago. However, I'm going to have to get over my issues because I have a huge ass essay to write for school:( It makes me sad. However, I will be updating on schedule. It will just take me more time to finish the gifts I owe you guys._

_My hand is numb. Idk why._

_Anywho, have a nice day._

_Bye~  
_


	58. Chapter 58

_I'm updating early._

_Don't bitch because it's a short chapter. You guys are getting one tomorrow still too._

_So, enjoy._

_I own nothing besides Alice and Kathryn._

* * *

Jashin damn it.

I'm fucking bored.

And the fact that Itachi won't let me do anything isn't helping my situation. He's been glued to my side since he got back.

Now don't get me wrong, I _love_ being attached to Itachi. But what I don't love is being helpless and dependant on people. In fact, I hate it.

More so than people.

I move and Itachi is in my face asking me if I need anything. I'm grateful for his help, I really am. But he obviously doesn't realize how boring it is to not be able to do anything. And he clearly cannot see just how frustrating it is for someone like me to have to rely on other people when I've been doing shit for myself and others for the entirety of my life.

"Itachi." I sighed as I leaned into him. We were sitting together on the couch in the living room so I could at least fuck with Sasori and them.

"Hn?" He asked, looking at me.

"I'm bored." I pouted. "Being immobile sucks."

Itachi kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry Alice, but the tree sliced through a muscle in your leg and you haven't healed properly yet. Sasori, Kakuzu, and Konan all said for you to stay off of it for a few days."

I clicked my tongue in irritation. "Unnecessary."

"Why is that?" He asked.

"I'm not a little kid. I'll decide when I can walk around and when I can't. I appreciate the concern, but I can handle it." I replied. "I'm sick of sitting here. I don't like forcing you to do everything for me."

"I want to." He informed me.

"I don't." I retorted. "I hate being helpless."

Kathryn looked at me. "Alice, it'll only be for a little while."

I glared at her. "Shut up." She frowned so I did too. "You know how I feel about people catering to me. I'm perfectly capable of doing things on my own."

"Yeah, when you lose the ability to walk because you're ignoring our advice then you'll be even worse off than you are now. Just sit there and deal with it." Sasori snapped.

"Well I can't exactly do anything when I have ninjas surrounding me 24 hours a day. I'm just bitching because I'm bored as shit and aggravated." I growled. "I appreciate what you guys are doing, but you have no idea how frustrated it makes me to have to rely on other people."

Itachi stared at me. "Alice, it's a bit different when I do it."

"No it isn't." I sighed. "In fact, it makes me feel worse because it is you. I wouldn't mind if it was Sasori being my bitch."

He glared at me. "Bite me Alice."

"Come here then." I challenged. "I can't get up remember?"

"Just think of it as payment." Kisame stated from the other couch.

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Payment?"

"Yeah. You know, because you basically saved our lives back in your world. And you've saved some of us in this world too." Kisame explained. "That way it's us repaying some of our debt to you."

"I never wanted you guys to feel like you owed me." I said. "In fact, I find it rather insulting that you would. I wanted to do it. I didn't do it because I was obligated."

Kisame sighed. "Alice, we're all extremely grateful for what you did and what you are doing for us. Just accept it. We don't mind taking care of you at all. To be honest, we all would jump to anything if Itachi wasn't so fast and beat us to it."

"I do not want you to try and repay me for what I did. You don't owe me anything." I repeated. "All of the things you guys have done for me cannot be matched by the little things I've done for you. I owe all of you so much that it can never be repaid and this is just increasing my debt."

Deidara sighed. "She's so damned stubborn, un."

"You're damn right I am." I retorted. "Just ignore me if you don't want to hear it. I'm just venting. It's my fault for not paying attention to my surroundings."

"So she's still bitching about not being able to move?" Hidan asked as he walked into the room. "Suck it up bitch. This is karma for being a bitch to me during that fucking mission."

I pointed at Hidan. "That is an acceptable reason for me to accept this."

He smirked and patted my head, rumpling my hair a bit before he sat beside me. "You're welcome fuckers."

Itachi glared at Hidan. "I still have a punishment to repay you for soiling what is mine with your hands." Hidan froze and looked at Itachi with slight fear in his eyes. "One round of Tsukuyomi was not nearly enough in my opinion."

I laughed and kissed Itachi's cheek. "It's alright Itachi. I got him back by letting him get his head cut off. And no using your eyes unless you need to!" He didn't seem pacified so I grabbed his chin and brought his face around so I could kiss him. "You're cute."

Itachi looked at Hidan after kissing me. "You are forgiven. Do it again, and you will wish you were mortal. You should worship Alice as your god because if it wasn't for her, you would be nothing but a speck of dirt."

Hidan rolled his eyes. "Whatever Uchiha."

I sighed again. "I'm bored again guys."

"I'll kill you." Sasori threatened. "I want you to be healed so you can walk around and entertain yourself instead of bothering me."

"Well in that case, I think I might sing." I said coldly, glaring at Sasori. "Kathryn, I need my slaphappy pills. Let's get annoying because Sasori just signed his death wish."

Kathryn grinned evilly and hopped to her feet. She made to run out of the room but was stopped by Sasori who grabbed her by her shirt and jerked her back towards him. She fell onto his lap which only allowed him to further restrain her.

"Absolutely not brat." Sasori growled. "Do it and I won't let you see Deidara for a week." Kathryn looked horrified.

"Alice!" She pouted. "I'm not allowed to play today."

I smirked. "That's okay. I can annoy him without it."

"Don't you dare." He threatened.

"Then apologize." I said seriously.

He frowned before sighing when he saw my serious expression. "I apologize Alice. You don't annoy me."

I smiled. "Good boy Sasori. I won't annoy you."

He sighed. "Good."

I sighed. "And there is a beautiful, _natural_ storm going on outside and I can't even enjoy it because I'm fucking immobile."

"That thunder earlier scared the shit out of me." Kathryn admitted.

Hidan scoffed. "Everything scares the shit out of you."

"Especially your face!" Kathryn shot back. Hidan glared.

I laughed. "Well done Kathryn."

Sasori sighed. "Why do we associate with these people?"

"Because if you didn't, you wouldn't have anyone to talk to besides your dolls and action figures, Sasori." I informed him. "Duh."

Sasori glared. "I hate you."

"I love you too, Loofa!" I beamed.

The past few days were boring as shit. I couldn't move very well so I was confined to the infirmary for the first day, and then me and Itachi's room for the next two. Today was the first day I was actually about to get out of the bedroom.

Sasori and Konan had been healing me whenever they had the chance or chakra to do it. My leg was their last priority. They had just finished healing my shoulder blade, my left arm, my sternum, and the muscles in my neck.

I had scars everywhere.

Including the huge scar Sasuke gave me, I had a total of like ten on my face now. Most were smaller ones that weren't really noticeable because of my long ass hair, but there were like three new ones that were pretty big.

One split my lower lip to my chin, another cut the lower right half of my jaw, and the last one reached from my ear to my hair line on my forehead, cutting over my temple.

To be honest, it kind of looked badass, but I didn't like them for one reason.

They made Itachi sad.

He still assured me that I was beautiful to him, but he his reasoning was that they reminded him that I had gotten hurt. That hurt him. Plus, this incident could have very well killed me. It was by pure luck that I didn't die.

That scared him.

He was so fucking cute and sweet for his own good.

I love him.

I don't know what I would do without him.

WAIT!

Sasori's birthday is soon…

WE MUST CELEBRATE!

I must converse with Kathryn and Deidara at some point in the very near future. That way we can plan something nice for everyone's most favorite puppet.

The question is…

What will I get him?

What in the world does Sasori want?

* * *

_Uh oh..._

_**Please excuse any grammatical errors and typos. I am not in the mood to fix them right now.**  
_

_Anyways, I'm still down in negative town. However, there's a bitchingly awesome storm going on outside right now and it's making me feel better._

**_Fun Fact:_ **_President George W. Bush was once a cheerleader. Lollll_

Answer: _Wtf was the question... I would rather be a pirate ninja samurai. But since I asked the question I meant pick **one**. So, I'd probably be a ninja. If not a ninja, a Samurai. Fuck pirates. Captain Jack is badass and all, but he doesn't have super awesome powers. And plus, pirates are gritty. My hygiene would not stand for it.  
_

**QotC: **_Which Kekkei Genkai is your favorite? Is it the Sharingan? Haku's ice technique_? _What about the Byakugan? Pick your top three if you can't pick one._

Amaya86_ on DA drew me a picture of Alice. So go and look at it. It makes me snicker. You, dear, win a oneshot. Oh and for those of you who don't know, if you can't draw or don't want to, you can write me like a fan oneshot or something. That's what _Tori-da-Mutt _did and I **LOVED** it. Not that I don't love the drawings too because I do. But still, its an option. I'll be forcing myself to work on the oneshots I owe people soon. They'll be in my new oneshot mess._

_Anyways, I want all of you to go read and **review** _Tears of the Fallen_'s new fanfiction. I'm her Beta. Go do it now._

_For now kiddies, I'm going to go play in lightning wearing metal!_

_Bye._


	59. Chapter 59

_Next chapter._

_Sorry for the delay._

_I was busy with... things._

_Anyways, enjoy it because I do not own it. Technically, I do own it. Just not Naruto or the Akatsuki._

* * *

I sighed and adjusted myself on the couch so my head was in Itachi's lap. He looked away from his book to smile down at me. He caressed my cheek and ran his fingers through my hair before returning his attention to his novel.

I watched him for a minute, marveling at his cuteness before I pulled my sword out of its sheath which was lying on the ground next to me and grabbed the cucumber that Kisame brought me. I began slicing it into reasonable pieces so I could eat it.

I nudged Itachi, offering him a piece. "Want some?"

He looked down at it and allowed me to feed it to him, both of his hands occupied with my hair and holding his book. "Thank you." He told me.

"Hn." I hummed. I looked over at another couch. "Hey Kisa, you want some?"

"Nah." He stated, shaking his head, returning to his business of rewrapping Samehada.

Currently, it was just me and Itachi on one couch, Kisame on another, and Hidan napping on the last. Kakuzu was in his room counting money because he's a greedy bastard. Tobi went with Deidara and Kathryn to the village, Zetsu and Sasori were discussing plants for poisons, and Pein and Konan were out on a mission.

I glanced towards Hidan. "Oi, dickless, you want some?"

Hidan's eyes opened and he looked at me before flicking me off and rolling over. I snickered and continued eating my vegetable. Since I was still basically immobile due to my fucked up leg, I couldn't do anything other than sit on my ass with Itachi.

"Deidara, Kathryn, and Tobi are back." Kisame grunted after a time. I looked toward the door and sure enough, Kathryn and Tobi come skipping into the room.

"Alice!" Kathryn stated. "Guess what me and Tobi found!"

I sighed. "The lost city of Atlantis?"

"No, silly." She sighed.

I shrugged. "Then I don't care."

She pouted. "Dei's carrying it." She stepped back and Deidara walked in with a fucking TV in his arms.

I raised my eyebrow. "Where the hell did you find that?"

"Tobi stole it!" Tobi cheered. "Deidara-senpai said Tobi would be a good boy if he stole it for Kathryn-chan!"

"I forgot this world had TV's." I muttered. "So, what did you bring it here for?"

She smiled. "I'm going to fuck with it to see if I can get it to work." She grabbed a spare end table that no one ever used and dragged it over to the side of the living room. Deidara placed the TV on the table and kissed Kathryn.

"Have fun, babe, un." Deidara encouraged.

She beamed at him and jumped on him. "You're so rapeable, Deidara. I love you so much." She nuzzled his face and kissed him.

He wrapped his arms around her. "I love you too, un. More than anything."

Kathryn squealed and they started sucking face until Hidan threw the table at them. Yes, the fucking coffee table.

"Get a fucking room!" Hidan barked, glaring at them when Deidara dodged the flying projectile. "No one wants to neither listen to nor see that shit!"

I looked at Hidan. "Don't touch my bitch, bitch."

He ignored me.

"Anyways, Kathryn, what do you expect to do with the television?" Itachi wondered. Obviously the crazy antics of the other members and the possibility of hurting Hidan were more interesting than the book.

That's because if Hidan hurt Kathryn or annoyed me, I'd potentially give Itachi permission to punish him. And Itachi loves to punish Hidan.

That sounds sexual, but I don't mean it like that.

"I want to see if I can get shows on it for free as well as maybe hack into our world's signals and get some shows from them. Kind of like we did with our phones." She admitted. "I can probably do it. It just depends on what I have to work with."

Kisame looked up. "You should probably see if Sasori will let you use some of his tools."

"Good idea Kisame." Kathryn beamed. "I'll go see Danna!"

She returned ten minutes later with tools and a curious Sasori. Sasori looked at Tobi when he arrived. "Tobi, Zetsu wants you to help him water his flowers."

Tobi jumped off of me, seeing as he had been sitting on top of me, and ran from the room, cheering about flowers. I just rolled my eyes at his antics.

"You better be careful, brat." Sasori advised, sitting down in the recliner. "If you need help, Hidan and I will assist you."

"Okay Danna." Kathryn smiled. She plopped her butt in Deidara's lap and set about fucking with the TV.

As it turns out, Kathryn didn't need help. In just two hours, she had manipulated the TV so it picked up shows from this world as well as a few stations from our world. She wiped her hands off with satisfied victory before having a victory make-out with Deidara.

One of the stations was Nickelodeon. A few of the guys sighed with me at seeing Spongebob. Another station was a channel that played just movies. Kisame and I were more than pleased. And the last station the TV picked up from our world was a fucking adult entertainment station.

That meant 50% of the time, it played porn.

"Ten bucks says we'll find Hidan in here watching this station at some point in the near future." I announced.

A few of them laughed and agreed with me while Hidan just swore at me and threatened me for the next few minutes.

The TV shows in this world were kind of strange. There were soap operas, sporting events, and news stations. Mostly though, it was just soap operas. I was a bit disturbed.

Once the excitement of the TV died down for me, which was about ten minutes after teasing Hidan, I poked Itachi to get his attention.

"Hn?" He questioned, looking down at me.

"Wanna go back to the room?" I asked. "It's quiet and we can potentially start planning the… meeting with Sasuke."

Itachi closed his book and nodded. "Sure." He allowed his book to disappear inside his cloak before handing me my sword and picking me up. He kissed my cheek before darting from the room. In seconds, we were inside our bedroom.

He set me gently on the bed and put my sword near my stuff before climbing over me. He pressed his lips to mine and raised his eyebrow. "I suspect there was more to coming in here than you told me before."

"No." I stated. "You won't let me rape you so no, there isn't."

Itachi chuckled. "Alice." He nuzzled my face before kissing me again. "I love you."

"I love you too." I told him. "Now… about Sasuke."

He tensed slightly. "What about him?"

"I'm fairly certain I know his personality." I stated. "If we show him the videos of the show about the truth of your actions… he'll forgive you. However… he will still want revenge on Konoha for putting you through that."

Itachi frowned. "How do we stop that?"

"_You_ might be able to sway him away from it in time. However, you will have to work hard and be persistent about it. Sasuke believes that he is the avenger or whatever. He's a confused little boy. However, if you're the one talking to him, he might just listen." I explained. "We'll need to think up good reasons as to why he shouldn't attack Konoha for revenge. I'm sure I can think up a shit load."

Itachi pressed his forehead to mine and sighed. "What if it doesn't work?"

"It will work. You have to be slightly optimistic, Itachi." I soothed, wrapping my arms around his neck. I kissed him gently. "It _will_ work and Sasuke will be your loving baby brother again. I promise you."

He kissed my cheek before kissing my lips. "I believe you Alice."

"You better." I smirked. I pulled his lips back to mine and help him there so I could kiss him to my heart's content.

"Alice!" Kathryn called. "Momma!"

I sighed and ignored her, hoping that she would run away if she saw us making out. However, when she kicked open my door, she simply skipped over to the bed.

"Momma, stop eating Itachi. Danna has to look at your leg and change some bandages." She giggled.

I sighed and pulled away from Itachi to look at her. She was standing between Deidara and Sasori. Both males were smirking at me while Kathryn just beamed.

Itachi moved off of me and sat behind me so I could lean against him while Sasori inspected my leg. It's a good thing I wear loose pants or else I would have to take them off and that would be kind of awkward.

Well… awkward for Sasori. I wouldn't have cared. Itachi wouldn't have been happy either.

"You're healing well." He commented. "However, it will still be a few days before you can use it properly." He began reapplying bandages while he channeled some healing chakra into the wound. "I want you to stay off of it for at least two more days and until I say so, as much as you can after that."

I sighed. "No fun."

Deidara snickered. "It'll be alright Alice. I'll be waiting to fight with you, un."

"I can't wait." I smiled.

"Kakuzu can." Sasori stated. "He's getting tired of repairing the destruction you two cause."

I scoffed. "It's nowhere near as bad as when Hidan, Deidara, and I all fight. When it's just me and Dei, it's just a broken door or two. The three of us have taken out a wall before."

"I know." Sasori deadpanned.

Itachi frowned. "That is why Kisame and I banned Hidan from fighting with you unless you had a partner. He is too reckless."

"I think it's fun." I shrugged.

"You and only you would get enjoyment out of letting Hidan hurt you." Sasori stated.

"It's better than looking at your ugly mug." I retorted.

Sasori scoffed. "Obviously you've hit your head one too many times."

"Maybe if you hit yours you'd become smart or look better." I mused. "But I doubt it. You're beyond help."

He flicked my forehead. "Watch it. I can snap your leg."

"And Itachi would snap your heart container in half." I challenged. "Try him."

Itachi sat behind me, watching Sasori without emotion. But the aura he was putting off was enough to tell the puppet master that Itachi would break his face if he hurt me.

I snickered when Sasori rolled his eyes at Itachi's protective nature. Itachi was the smex.

"Well, I'll be going." Sasori began, standing up.

"Thank Jashin." I muttered.

He smacked my head. "Do as I said, Alice."

I smiled. "Alright Sasori. Thanks buddy."

"Sure." He said dismissively, patting my head. "Let's go, Brats."

Kathryn, who had been braiding Deidara's hair on my bed, latched onto said blond as he stood up and made to follow their Danna. Both bid me farewell before they left the room.

Itachi pushed me back down on the mattress as the door closed behind them and he captured my lips with his own. I smirked and returned the gesture, kissing my weasel.

Yeah… that's one good thing about being temporarily crippled.

I get Itachi all the time.

* * *

_Yeahh... Sasori birthday next chapter I believe._

_I would like to thank Louis and Brett for review on the last chapter. And Louis, you're a whore. Bite me. Brett: I love you too._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your fingers off". Hahahah!_

Answer: _Sharingan. Followed closely by... Rinnegan and then I like... Kimimaro's __bone nonsense. That's freaking cool._

**QotC: **_I had something I was going to ask... but I don't remember what it was... Oh yeah! If you could dare the Akatsuki/Alice/Kathryn to do anything, what would you have them do? Anything at all._

_Hmmmm... I don't know what to talk about... So, I'm going._

_Peace.  
_


	60. Chapter 60

_I'm updating early because I already had this typed out._

_And, because it is _xXxMiiDNiGhTXxX_'s birthday and she's like... one of my most dedicated reviewers._

_So she deserves a birthday update. It's also my other niece's birthday. She is one today.  
_

_Enjoy if possible._

_I do not own Naruto._

* * *

"Alright bitches." I announced at dinner. "Tomorrow is Sasori's birthday. So, I hope you all got my sarcastic buddy something nice." Conveniently, Sasori was locked up in his workshop, working on his newest puppet or something. He had been all day.

Kathryn raised her hand. "I did."

"I know you did." I stated. "I got it for you before I left with the Zombie combo."

Kakuzu frowned. "I hope you didn't spend any of my money."

"Kakuzu," I sighed, "we're fucking criminals. We don't buy shit. We steal it."

"I don't approve of you committing crimes, Alice. Konoha already hunts for you." Itachi stated. "You shouldn't add more wood to the fire."

I smirked. "You like having a naughty girlfriend." He just chuckled and smiled.

Hidan snickered. "Get some, fucker."

"Anyways, before I go off on a rant about how cute Itachi is, I am warning you right now." I glared at each person. "Be mean to Sasori, and I'll fucking mood swing on you. Only I can be sarcastic with him, but I will let him win every argument." I pouted.

Deidara blinked. "I'm impressed, un."

"I am too." Kisame admitted. "You're dedicated, Alice."

I sighed. "Don't remind me." I situated my ass on the couch beside Itachi and sighed. "So, meeting dismissed. Watch yourselves tomorrow unless you want to be on the receiving end of one of my mood swings."

The next morning…

"Ready Kat?" I asked, grabbing the handle to Sasori's door. When she nodded I opened it and she shot inside.

"DANNA! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" She cried, wrapping him up in a hug. I leaned against the door frame, watching them. "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DANNA!"

"Thank you Brat." He sighed. "I was hoping you two would have forgotten."

I smirked. "I'd never forget you, Sasori."

"I would forget you." He said coldly, throwing me a smirk.

I grinned. "After last night? You'd forget that?"

"I've had better." He shrugged.

"Well it was the best night of my life. I'll never forget it." I said dreamily.

Deidara, who had just joined me in the door way raised a disturbed eyebrow. "Please tell me you guys didn't have sex, un."

Sasori looked at him. "What if we did?"

"You missed out Deidara." I stated. "Sasori isn't just a master of puppets. He can be my master any night." I winked at Sasori. He just smirked.

Kathryn shook her head. "Ew! Nasty images!"

Deidara looked between us. "Where was Itachi?"

"Where _wasn't_ Itachi?" Sasori questioned convincingly. He and I exchanged a look and communicated telepathically and he fought a smile.

I started laughing. "I can't do it anymore. Jashin, Sasori I love you."

He chuckled. "It's a gift."

"And you use it well." I gave him a suggestive wink and smirk. "Very well."

"So I've been told." He retorted smoothly.

Kathryn gawked. "Danna are you a whore?"

"Yes brat. I am a whore." Sasori deadpanned.

"A dirty one." I muttered.

"I heard that, Alice." He stated.

Deidara rolled his eyes at us. "You two are so dumb, un." He shook his head. "Happy birthday Sasori no Danna, yeah."

"Thank you." He said calmly. "Alice, I'm genuinely surprised you aren't attacking me."

"You don't like hugs so I decided not to get all up in your grill." I admitted with a shrug.

He rolled his eyes. "You can hug me."

"Yes!" I whooped. I ran over to him as quickly as I could with my injuries and Kathryn and I latched onto him with loving hugs. "I knew you secretly liked hugs."

"Shut up." He sighed.

I just grinned at him.

"So Danna, what do you want to do today?" Kathryn wondered. "Alice and I got you presents."

Sasori shrugged. "I don't really care. I'm not fond of parties and I don't want to go anywhere. Just doing what we normally do is good enough for me."

I gave him a look. "If that's what you want, then okay."

Kathryn beamed. "You two are so much alike. Alice hates doing stuff on her birthday just like Danna does."

"No we are not." Sasori and I said together. We exchanged a look and I pouted.

"Damn it." I sighed.

He smacked his forehead. "Every time."

Deidara snickered. "Kathryn's right, un."

"Shut up Deidara!" We barked in unison. We both then smacked our foreheads at the same time and glared at each other.

I let go of Sasori and left the room. "I give up." I threw over my shoulder. I could hear Sasori chuckling at me and Deidara and Kathryn snickering.

Third Person!

"Sasori, I'll give you your present when you come out of your puppet cave! Happy birthday!" Alice called as she walked towards the kitchen. "I got to make breakfast!"

"Make pancakes!" Hidan shouted.

"FUCK YOU!" Alice retorted.

Sasori chuckled and shook his head.

Kathryn grinned at him. "Do you want your presents Danna?"

"Was that a plural?" He questioned, raising his eyebrow.

She nodded. "Yep! I got you a few things!" She hopped away from him after kissing his cheek and disappeared into her and Deidara's shared bedroom.

Deidara sat on Sasori's bed. "She made a few of them herself, un."

Sasori grunted quietly, letting Deidara know that he heard him. His eyes flicked to the door as Kathryn reappeared. She skipped over to him and sat beside him. She handed him a small box.

"I made you that one." She said with a smile.

Sasori rolled his eyes and opened the box. He withdrew a chain necklace with his scorpion symbol on it. He raised his eyebrow and saw her smiling.

"Alice gave you this idea, didn't she?" He asked.

"Just what to make the necklace as." Kathryn admitted. "The rest was all my idea and I was going to do either scorpion or the symbol on your ring anyways. She just helped me decide."

"Well either way, it's very nice brat. Thank you." Sasori stated. He slipped it over his head. "How did you make this?"

"I didn't have the top grades in all of my art classes for nothing, Danna." Kathryn told him. She shrugged. "I carved/welded it. Itachi helped me with the dangerous parts.."

"It's very well done." He admitted.

"Thank you." She smiled. She handed him a bag. "I got this one for you and I drew you a pretty picture." Her eyes widened when Sasori gave her a warning glare. "It's not dirty! I promise!"

He gave her a look before cautiously withdrawing the picture out of the bag. He looked at it skeptically before pausing to take it in. It was of himself, fighting with the Third Kazekage against a number of Shinobi.

"That's very nice." He stated. "I like the detail."

"Yay!" She cheered. She hugged him. "Last one!"

Sasori set the drawing on his workbench before withdrawing the last present. "A carving kit and a kit to keep said carving kit in good shape." He chuckled. "Thank you, Kathryn."

"You're very welcome, Danna." Kathryn told him. She kissed his cheek. "You'll like Alice's gifts too."

He sighed. "I can't wait."

"OI! BITCHES AND SASORI!" Alice shouted. "GET IN HERE AND EAT! SASORI ISN'T A BITCH BECAUSE IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY BUT THE REST OF YOU ARE!"

First Person Alice!

I smiled as Itachi raised his eyebrow at me. "You're not a bitch either, Itachi. You're a loveable weasel."

"That's what I thought." He said victoriously.

I smirked and kissed the top of his head as Kathryn entered the kitchen, skipping ahead of Deidara and Sasori. I noticed Sasori had Kathryn's necklace on. "Did you like your presents, Sasori?"

"Indeed. They were very well thought out." Sasori stated. "I believe I have you to thank for stealing the carving kit?"

I looked away from him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Sasori chuckled. "So Itachi, did you enjoy yourself last night?"

Itachi raised his eyebrow. "I don't have much of a memory of last night."

"I told you to go easy on him, Sasori." I stated, running my fingers through his hair. "He's very sensitive in bed."

Itachi sighed, catching onto what we were talking about.

Sasori shrugged. "I can't help it. You seemed to hold out pretty well."

"Yes, well I didn't want to miss out on your amazing skill." I winked.

"The fuck are you two talking about?" Hidan demanded, entering the kitchen.

"Exactly what you're thinking." Sasori and I said together.

I sighed and thumped my head on the fridge. "Will it ever end?"

Sasori chuckled. "Apparently not."

"Well whatevs. You guys eat." I stated, waving at the food. "Morning Kisame. Morning Kakuzu." Both men grunted at me. Kisame just threw in a hug.

During breakfast, Konan came in to get some food, say happy birthday to Sasori, and to check on my leg. She gave me a scolding for walking around on it but decided to let it slide when I told her that Hidan forced me to make breakfast.

Instead, she beat him.

It was worth it.

Anyways, after those shenanigans, I summoned Sasori to my bedroom. Itachi, Kathryn and Deidara obviously came with us. I sat on the bed, confined to the mattress by Itachi, while said weasel gathered Sasori's presents for me.

Itachi set a large box on the bed beside me and I pointed at it and looked at Sasori. "There you go."

"What is it?" Sasori wondered.

"A box." I deadpanned. "I got you a box for your birthday."

He smirked. "I always wanted one of those."

"Me too!" Kathryn exclaimed.

I just sighed. "Just open your damn present, Sasori."

Sasori chuckled and walked over to the box. He opened it a raised his eyebrows. "Bottles? What's in them?"

"Chemicals used in my world to preserve bodies for extended periods of time." I stated. "I thought you could use some. Feel free to use them for poisons and shit too."

Sasori blinked. "You know these?"

"I was interested in weird shit like that when I was like thirteen and in chemistry so I did some research and figured it all out. Wikipedia and Google told me what I forgot." I admitted with a shrug. "Also, there is another present."

He looked at me. "Really?"

"Yeah. Come here Deidara." I stated, motioning with my finger. "It's a joint present from me and Deidara."

Deidara sighed. "Alice, un."

"Say it." I ordered.

He glared.

"Deidara. Don't make me hurt you." I threatened. "Don't make Itachi be a part of this gift too. Because he will."

Deidara eyed Itachi's threatening Sharingan for a minute before he thought better of it and looked at Sasori. He muttered under his breath.

"Louder Deidara." I scolded. "So he can hear you."

Deidara glared at me. "Art is eternal, un!"

Sasori smirked and patted Deidara's shoulder. "I knew you'd see I was right at some point, brat."

"Shut up, Danna, yeah." Deidara frowned.

"You can take it back tomorrow." I said dismissively. "Now I think you guys should leave me alone because I just shot up with painkillers and I'm starting to feel them. I fear I might go goofy Alice on you."

Sasori shuddered. "I'm leaving."

I laughed. "Don't forget your gift, Sasori."

He picked it up after thanking me and giving me a pat on my head. I watched them leave and as soon as the door closed, Itachi swooped, attacking me with kisses and whatnot.

Ah. Benefits of being crushed by a tree…

* * *

_Yep... Happy birthday to you, MiiDNiGhT. I hate typing out your name, btw._

_**Fun Fact:** The Yo-Yo originated as a weapon in the Philippine Islands during the sixteenth century._

Answer: _Wtf was the question... Oh yeah... dare... Uhmm... I'd dare all of them... to be my bitches for one day:D_

**QotC: **_What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? :D Hahahahahaha_

_I don't have anything fun to talk about so I'm outty._

_Byeee_


	61. Chapter 61

_I don't want to hear a word about me posting late in the day._

_I have my reasons :) And I do not apologize for them._

_To be quite honest, I forgot._

_Screw disclaimers.  
_

* * *

Finally I can get out of that damn base.

Finally I can move on my own again!

Finally I can rape my weasel without him scolding me!

Currently I'm with Kisame and Itachi, walking leisurely back to the base from running errands for Pein. I seriously think a drug deal occurred because that was the worst, yet sneakiest, exchange of something I've ever seen.

But it made me so happy to tease Kisame and Itachi about it later.

It was fun.

Anyways, walking back to base…

So there we are, strolling through a thick ass forest when something catches my attention.

"Shiny." I said, spinning around in midstride to go and attack said shiny.

Kisame snickered. "You're attention span is ridiculous."

Itachi stopped walking to allow me to inspect the shiny.

I poked what I saw was shiny to see it was a piece of metal. I crouched beside it and inspected it, noticing it was like a discarded piece of tin or something.

"Huh. I expected it to be more." I sighed. "I guess some raccoon or crow or something picked it up. They like shiny things too." Then a thought came to me. I stood up and pointed at Itachi dramatically. "You sir!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Yes Alice?"

"You like shiny things don't you? That's why you like using crows so much! They collect shiny things for you!" I exclaimed. "It makes sense now!"

Kisame put his hand on my forehead. "You shouldn't be allowed to walk around without supervision."

"Shut up you giant marlin." I growled. I crossed my arms in a pout before something else caught my attention. "Do you hear that?"

Itachi and Kisame went deathly/ninja-ly silent for a moment.

"It sounds like whimpering." Itachi said quietly. His head snapped in the direction it was coming from. "It's coming from that direction."

I snuck forward, towards the sound, sneaking around bushes and shit until I was essentially right on top of the sound. I raised my eyebrow and carefully moved back the branches to a thicket thing, a ready hand on my sword just in case.

I died.

_Instantly._

In the thicket, whining quietly was the second most adorable thing in the world.

A fucking wolf puppy.

"Awe!" I melted, falling to my ass to be closer to the adorable gift from Jashin-sama. "It's so precious!"

It was a dark color, I'm assuming black because that's what it looked like to me. Its eyes were still blue because it was young. It wasn't too young though. It was maybe two months or so by its size if I had to guess.

And that was guessing over. To be honest, I was thinking it might be just a little over a month or so.

"That's weird. Usually wolves have more than just one pup." I whispered. "I wonder where its mother is. They don't usually leave their babies when they're this young."

Itachi crouched beside me and cocked his head to the side. "Odd. I do not see any recent tracks. It hasn't rained so there should be some sign if its mother is nearby. I do not sense anything around us either."

"So it's all alone?" I asked, horrified. I reached out gently and stroked the puppy's spine, attempting to soothe it.

"In a worst case scenario, yes. It's all alone." Itachi nodded.

I pouted. "Itachi?"

He sighed, already knowing what I was going to ask. "Yes Alice?"

"Do you think Pein would care if I kept it?" I asked. "It'll die if it doesn't have its mother. Pretty please? Can I keep it?"

Itachi sighed again. "Yes Alice. You can keep it."

"Yes!" I whooped, tackling him. He caught me with a chuckle and held me as I pinned him to the forest floor. I attacked his face with kisses. "You're the best boyfriend ever!" I said, kissing his entire face between each word. "Thank you!"

He smiled and kissed me gently back. "You're welcome Alice. Now, collect our little friend. We have to return to the base."

Kisame shook his head with a chuckle. "You spoil her." He rumpled my hair as I crawled back towards the puppy. I held my hand out calmly, letting it sniff me.

"She deserves to be spoiled." Itachi retorted smoothly.

"I'm not a child." I pouted. I smiled when the puppy licked me and squealed quietly at its cuteness. With careful, gentle movements, I picked up my new little buddy and held it close, warming it in my arms. "It's so cute."

Kisame chuckled. "Come on kid. Let's hurry back."

"Yippy!" I smiled, following after my shark. Itachi walked beside me, his hand grasping my free one as we traveled. I beamed at him and extracted my hand from his so I could wrap my arm around his waist. He kissed my head as he curled his arm over my shoulders.

Once we got back to the base, I went up to Pein's office with them so I could beg him for permission to keep my puppy. Even if he said no, I'd fucking keep it anyway. That bitch owes me. He could at least let me keep the puppy.

Pein permitted us entrance when we knocked and he looked up from his paper work as we stopped in front of his desk. I snuggled the sleeping puppy in my arms gently, pleased that it blended in with my black clothing so well.

"Welcome back. I trust everything went smoothly?" Pein stated.

"Very." Itachi nodded. He handed something to Pein and bowed his head respectfully.

Pein read over a paper that was attached to whatever Itachi gave him. "Yes Alice, you can keep the puppy."

I blinked. "If I wasn't holding this puppy, I'd fucking mug you with love, Pein. You're the best fearless leader ever. The world is wise to fear you."

He chuckled. "You're welcome."

I snickered. "He's a good boy Konan. Give him extra treats."

She giggled as she walked over to me to inspect my bundle of joy. "I'll be sure to do that." She stroked the head of the wolf gently. "Awe, it's so cute. Is it a boy or girl?"

"I dunno." I admitted. "When it gets used to being here, I'll check. I don't want to stress it out so quickly when it's so little."

"Where did you find it?" She wondered.

"It was alone in the woods." I stated. "There was no sign of its mom."

She sighed. "That's awful. Poor little thing."

Konan and I talked quietly for a bit while Pein talked business with Itachi and Kisame. I ignored them in favor of discussing my obsession with Konan.

"Alice, come on. We shouldn't monopolize our leaders' time." Itachi said calmly, kissing the side of my head to get my attention.

I nodded. "You're right. Thanks Pein. You're the best. I'll see you Konan." Pein and I exchanged some silent communication and Konan and I half hugged before I left with Kisame and Itachi.

"I'm going to sneak it to our room so Kathryn doesn't attack it." I told Itachi.

He nodded quietly. "I will take it. Go to the kitchen and get it something to eat. I must admit I don't know much about wolves."

I smiled at him. "Fair enough." I handed over my puppy carefully and kissed my weasel before going to the kitchen. From what I knew, they began to eat meat about a month after birth, give or take a week. So, I gathered some tender, raw meat that Zetsu hadn't eaten yet before getting some milk and putting it in a bowl.

Kisame stayed with me to keep anyone from catching on. Once I was done gathering my furry little friend's meal, Kisame and I snuck back to me and Itachi's room. I awed as soon as I walked into the room.

Itachi was kneeling at the edge of the bed, petting the puppy who was sniffing his face tiredly. It was lying in the mattress, inspecting his face while lazily wagging its tail. He looked around at my arrival and gave me a ghost of a smile.

Kisame announced his desire to shower as I plopped beside Itachi. I ordered my shark to come to me and I planted a kiss on his cheek before sending him on his way. He chuckled and left me and Itachi alone. Said weasel picked up the puppy gently and set it on the floor in front of me. I set out the food options. I cut up the meat so it wasn't all in one huge chunk.

"Come here, you." I stated, attacking Itachi. I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the bed. We climbed on it and sat behind the puppy, watching it inspect the food curiously before eating it. I smirked with silent victory and rolled on top of Itachi so I could give him love.

"You really like wolves, don't you?" He asked when I finally let him breathe.

I nodded. "Yeah, I do." I rested my head on his chest, looking passed him to watch the puppy inspect the room. "But I love you more."

Itachi chuckled. "Had I known you would be this excited, I'd have found you one a long time ago." I kissed him and he turned to his side, wrapping his arms around me.

"If its mother was still around I wouldn't have taken it." I admitted. "Sure I want it, but I'd rather it be happy in the wild with its family. But, since it's either life with us or death alone, I will keep it."

He nodded. "I understand."

I watched our new friend walk towards the bed and catch sight of us. It cocked its head to the side curiously and stared at us, its tail wagging slightly.

"If that thing gets any cuter, it'll have to look like you." I whispered, fighting back squeals about its adorableness. I slowly got off the bed and lie down on the floor. It stared at me for a bit before walking over to me and sniffing me.

I didn't pet it because I didn't want to startle it. I just let it sniff me and get used to my person. Itachi watched from the bed, smirking at me when I buried my face into my arms to fight the desire to smother the puppy with affection.

I slowly reached out and pet the puppy when it licked my hand. It sniffed my hand before letting me pet it. I smiled at it and it came closer to me, letting me pick it up carefully so I could hold it and pet it properly.

"Awe, you're so cute little puppy." I cooed. "I need to find out your gender so I can name you." I looked back at Itachi. "You get to help me pick."

He chuckled and kissed the top of my head. "As you wish, Alice."

"Good boy. Now, come down here so our new little friend can meet you." I ordered. He obeyed and sat on the floor a little ways away. I put the wolf pup down and it approached my weasel curiously, giving him the same treatment it did me.

Itachi pet the pup when it licked him and he picked it up when he was sure the little thing was okay with him. The puppy cuddled into Itachi sweetly and I had to bury my face into the bed to keep from running over there and tackling both of them.

"It's so cute!" I whispered.

Itachi chuckled. "It is." He agreed. He scratched behind its ear and scooted closer to me. He handed me back the puppy before picking me up and setting me on the bed. He climbed in after me and allowed the puppy to rest in front of me while he cuddled behind me.

"We'll name it tomorrow." He said calmly. "For now, you should get some sleep. As should our newest addition." He kissed my head. "Go to sleep Alice."

I watched the puppy sniff the pillows and blanket before curling up in a ball in against me and preparing for bed. I smiled and kissed its head before kissing my weasel's lips. "Good night baby. I love you."

Itachi kissed me back. "Good night Alice. I love you as well. More than anything."

"Same here." I smiled and rolled to my back. Itachi wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my chest. The puppy curled up between my neck and shoulder, its head resting on my collarbone.

I about died at being surrounded by cuteness.

* * *

_Muahaha! Eat it. Alice is filling her obsessions._

_And I hate the world because my dog is dying. Literally. I want to kill myself because she's not going to live for much longer._

**_Fun Fact: _**_Dani loves her dogs more than herself and everything else. I'd save them before most of my family._

Answer: _What do you mean? African or European? Shame on you people who actually answered. Shame on you people who did not respond like King Arthur. To those who did, I applaud you:)_

**QotC:**_ What kind of pets do you have?_

_I blame one of my best friends as partially the reason for my late update. We're writing a collab story. Not a fanfic._

_All of you, go and read _Avenging Pinapple Dreamer_'s oneshot for me. Oh my Jashin, I freaking love it. All of you, go read it and tell her how awesome it is. Do it right now or I will not update on Monday. Do the same with _Tori-da-Mutt_'s musing and story. I mean it.__ My dears, I freaking love you.  
_

Toodles because I don't feel like talking.


	62. Chapter 62

_I'm updating today because I seriously doubt I'll be free long enough tomorrow to do it._

_So, deal with it being a day early. If I do have time tomorrow, I'll try to update again._

_But there will be a condition._

_So, enjoy. I do not own Naruto._

* * *

"Sasori!" I hissed. "Come here!"

Sasori sighed and looked up from his book to raise his eyebrow at me. "What?"

"Come here. I want to show you something." I urged.

"What is it?" He wondered, getting up with a sigh.

I frowned. "I'm getting naked."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Well in that case…"

"You'll see." I promised with a laugh. I grabbed his hand and pulled him stealthily to me and Itachi's room. "I found something yesterday and Itachi said I could keep it."

He raised his eyebrow as I opened the door. He walked inside at my ushering and looked around when I closed the door behind him. He sighed as he discovered the source of my excitement.

My puppy was sitting on the bed with Kisame, growling playfully as it tried to defeat his hand in a battle. Kisame was grinning as he lounged on the mattress, playing gently with the pup.

"You found a wolf puppy?" He asked.

"Yep!" I smiled. "Isn't it cute?"

He sighed. "Why did you show me?"

"So it can get used to you before I take it out of the room. I don't want to overexpose it all at once so I'm breaking it in slowly." I explained. "Come here."

He obeyed, allowing me to drag him closer. He sat on the bed at my urging and gained the puppy's attention as Kisame allowed it to think it killed his hand.

The puppy walked over to Sasori curiously, sniffing him. It licked his hand after a time and allowed the puppet master to pet it. Sasori looked at me as he pet the black fur. "Did you name it yet?"

"No. Not yet." I admitted. "I wanted you guys to possibly help me pick out a name."

"Do not ask for Kathryn's help." He sighed.

I shook my head. "I don't plan on it."

He picked up the puppy and inspected it. "It's a girl."

I raised my eyebrow. "Did you just check?"

"I did. You were calling her an it." He stated calmly. "I just did you a favor."

"Well thanks." I smiled, rolling over to Kisame as I lounged on the bed. Said shark latched onto me when I reached him and we cuddled.

"Where is Itachi?" Sasori wondered.

"Village. He went to go and get a collar and a few other things for her." I explained, nuzzling Kisame. "Zetsu went with him so he's not alone. He was the first to see the puppy other than Kisame. Kakuzu has seen her too."

Sasori nodded. "Ah."

Kisame rested his head on mine. "Got any names thought up, kid?"

"I'm thinking Lupin or something close to that. I've been playing with _Cainus Lupus_. It's the scientific name for wolves. I'm not sure though." I stated.

Sasori smirked. "As long as you don't name it Loofa, I'll be fine."

"You're the only Loofa for me Sasori no Danna." I smirked in return. He chuckled and patted my head before leaving.

Itachi returned soon after with a cute little red collar and other dog supplies. I convinced Kakuzu not to bite his head off for spoiling my puppy because I steal my funds anyways.

I didn't put the collar on her right away because she would spend the rest of her energy on it, trying to attack it. So I raped Itachi in thanks and called forth Kathryn and Deidara to meet the puppy. Tobi would be next, and then Hidan would be last seeing as he was busy.

Yeah, I snuck the puppy over to Pein's office before I allowed the more hyperactive idiots to meet her. She loves Pein and I know Pein likes her.

Kathryn peaked inside the room and raised her eyebrow. "What did you want Alice?"

"Come in here and see what Itachi let me have." I smiled. "Close the door."

She walked in with Deidara right behind her. He closed it at my request and raised a blond eyebrow in curiosity.

"Meet the new member of the Akatsuki." I stated, holding up my puppy.

Kathryn awed. "Awe! Alice, it's adorable!" She sat about a foot away from me and I set my fuzz ball down so it could go over to her. Deidara sat beside Kathryn, chuckling at my puppy.

The pup attacked Deidara's hair which enticed some chuckles from Kisame who was lounging on the bed still. I was sitting between Itachi's legs, leaning back against the side of the bed. He was running his fingers through my hair, watching us.

"Have you named it yet, un?" Deidara asked, holding his hair up and out of danger.

"Not yet." I said. "I've been racking my brain, but I wanted you guys to help me think up a name for her. Kathryn, you are not allowed to suggest anything."

She just giggled. "Fair enough."

"I suggest not asking for Hidan's help as well. He will think of only vulgar names." Itachi said calmly. He plucked her off the floor and held her close, earning a few lovable licks to his face and they weren't from me this time.

"Let's take her to the living room or kitchen so we don't have all of Jashin's people in our bedroom." I suggested. Itachi nodded and allowed me to get up first before standing. He handed me the puppy before shoving Kisame off our bed.

Said shark had been flicking Itachi's ears, trying to piss him off.

Kisame followed after us, laughing about Itachi's behavior. I followed Deidara and Kathryn, holding my puppy up so she could attack Deidara's hair. Itachi followed beside me, chuckling at Deidara's protests.

Tobi, as expected, was in the living room with Sasori, Zetsu, and Kakuzu.

"Hey Tobi, I got a friend!" I smiled. "Come see."

Tobi darted over to me and started fondling over the puppy. "Tobi likes puppy-chan!" He didn't even scold her for nomming on his mask. What a good boy.

"Three o'clock. Hidan should be done with his ritual now." I stated, checking the alarm on my phone. Yeah, I set an alarm on my phone for three every day.

Why?

So I could avoid certain parts of the base until that time.

No one interrupts Hidan's rituals. They die as soon as they do.

I only survived because Kisame happened to be close by.

Anyways, Hidan came marching into the room some time later, looking like he was in a good mood. He must have done it perfectly.

"What the fuck is that?" He asked, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw my puppy, sitting on my back, attacking my hair. I was lying on the floor and she was trying to eat me while also biting the shit out of Deidara and Kisame. Both males were messing with her.

"My new puppy." I told him. "Come say hi. If you hurt her, I swear I'll kill you."

He rolled his eyes and walked over to me. He squatted on the ground beside me and picked up the wolf. He narrowed his eyes as he inspected her and shook his head when she licked his nose.

"Name it after Jashin-sama." He ordered. He set her back down, patted her head gently and flopped on the couch beside Kakuzu.

"You're a cat person aren't you?" I asked, smirking at him.

He raised his eyebrow. "I don't give a damn either way, bitch. After being stuck as a cat for all that fucking time, I hate them."

I laughed. "Fair enough. Now let's name her." I sat up. "Help me."

"Dumbass." Hidan suggested.

"We aren't naming her after you, Hidan." I scolded.

"Kitty!"

"Shut up Kathryn." I sighed.

Sasori stared at her. "That isn't even the right species."

She shrugged. "I used to have a cat name Crocodile."

He stared at her, obviously worried for her mental condition.

"Puppy." Kisame suggested.

"Very helpful Kisame." I snickered. He patted my head.

Deidara tugged gently on her tail. "Boom, un. Or Runt, yeah."

I just facepalmed.

"Luna." Zetsu stated. "**Like Lunar. You know, for moon?**"

"First helpful suggestion goes to Zetsu." I laughed. "That was one of the names I was considering."

"Well if you're going to name it a name from Harry Potter, pick your favorite character." Kathryn advised.

I laughed. "Lupin? That was actually a name I liked too."

"Tobi thinks you should name it candy!" Tobi exclaimed.

I sighed and shook my head. "Thank you for the suggestion Tobi."

"Chibi." Kisame stated.

"Also a possibility." I nodded. "Though, that might strike a little too close for home with the leaders. Pein's old dog when he was a kid was named Chibi."

Itachi was quiet before opening his eyes. "Amaya or perhaps something that can be associated with it."

I looked around at him. "English please."

"It means night rain." Sasori informed me.

I rolled it around in my head. "I like it. I'll add it to the list." Itachi chuckled and kissed the top of my head. I just smiled at him.

"You could just do rain." Kakuzu stated. "It's in your native language."

"Also a likable name." I stated.

Kisame snickered. "I'd say name it shrimp, but that's your name Alice."

"You're just an asshole today aren't you Shark Boy?" I asked.

"Where's Lava Girl?" Kathryn wondered.

I shook my head. "Alright, so we have five names suggested, plus the ones I have in my head." I put my finger to my chin. "Oh the possibilities…"

"What are the names in your head? **Or do we even want to know?**" Zetsu asked.

"Tobi wants to know!" Tobi cheered.

"Well, variations of Lunar, Cainus Lupus, names from shows like Lupin, Yue, Raven and a few others. I lost like three quarters of my list when Sasori told me it was a girl." I informed them. I sighed. "I don't know though. Oh and I like the name Sable."

"I think this calls for The Bowl of Wonders." Kathryn said seriously.

The Bowl of Wonders is this _huge_ bowl that I found in the very back of a cabinet in the kitchen. I don't know what this thing was used for because it could hold a small child, but it's awesome. I use it for all kinds of stuff. Hell, I've used it as a shield.

Inspired, I ran from the room, gathered The Bowl of Wonders and some paper. I wrote down all of the names on a piece of paper and tossed them inside said wonderful bowl and started shaking them up.

"I will draw three names. These names will be potential names. Itachi will then pick one name. The name he picks will be the name of our new buddy. Fair enough?" I explained.

"Sounds good." A few of them nodded. The rest just grunted because they're men. Itachi hned, as is expected. Tobi was holding our friend, giggling about her biting on Deidara's hair from his arms. It was really cute.

I withdrew three names and read them aloud to the room. "I got Sable, Amaya, and Luna." I nodded. "All good names." I dumped the other names on the table before putting the three potentials back into the bowl. "Come here sexy."

Itachi rolled his eyes and plucked a name out of the bowl at my request. He handed it to me and I read it, pleased with the name he picked. "Sable."

I beamed at the puppy. "Sable the Akatsuki puppy." I snickered as I handed Tobi The Bowl of Wonders so he could play with it. "I want you guys to know that if it was a boy, I wouldn't even have asked for your opinions on a name."

"Why not Alice-chan?" Tobi wondered.

"Because I've always wanted a big black dog so I could name it Hades." I explained.

"Who the hell is Hades?" Hidan demanded.

I smirked. "In Greek Mythology in our world, Hades is the lord of the Underworld A.K.A, Hell." I smiled when he nodded in appreciation. I picked up Sable and snuggled against her. "She's cute as hell anyways."

Sable just licked my nose affectionately.

What a cute puppy.

* * *

_Tomorrow is my brother's orientation at OSU. So, I'm going up there with him._

_If I find some time, I'll update on schedule. But, on one condition: All of you who read this story and review, go and read/review _Tori-da-Mutt_'s story that is being partially written in collaboration with this story. If she doesn't get up to/near..._ 20_ish reviews by tomorrow when I check... I won't update until Friday. So for the sake of updating, go and read it. She's an amazing writer. Seriously. Go do it. Now._

**_Fun Fact: _**_Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite._

Answer: _I have three dogs and two cats. Dolly- a golden retriever, Lexy- a black lab/boarder collie mix_, _Sadie - a black lab mix and then we have Bell and Wilma. I'm allergic to cats and they both love me... My aunt is a crazy cat lady and she lives with us now... and she brought her death traps with her._

**QotC: **_What are three things you absolutely cannot stand?_

_I have this current obsession with milk right now... I've drank an entire gallon today... I haven't wanted to drink anything else other than it or water. But I always drink water because I don't drink carbonated beverages or any type of caffeine._

_ My mom keeps pitching a fit. Lol, but what else is new? That's all she does._

_Anyways, go to my profile and enjoy all of the fanart and whatnot. It all makes me smile~_

_I love you guys. You're wonderful. Now do as I say!_

_See ya~_


	63. Chapter 63

_It's a decently long one. So enjoy it._

_And good work with reviewing Tori's story._

_Just keep it up and things will be just peachy._

_Can't stay long, lovelies. So, enjoy. I don't own Naruto._

* * *

Soon.

Very soon will Pein fight Jiraiya.

Very soon Itachi will confront Sasuke.

The anticipation is killing me here.

And if I've ever seen Itachi stressed, it was nothing compared to this. I really think he was going insane.

But that's what females are for.

Dirty thoughts.

Think _dirty_ thoughts.

Okay, not _that_ dirty. Now you're just being obnoxious. Stop it.

Itachi was sitting on the floor of our room, tending to his ninja weapons absently. They were already spotless and perfect, just like everything else Itachi has. But I think it was helping him so I just let him be.

But I couldn't take the aura he was letting off.

That had to go.

I snuck out of the bathroom on my hands and knees and crawled stealthily over to him. Yeah, I fucking army crawled under the bed. He didn't even respond. Either he was super focused and lost in thought or I was going to achieve my goal of sneaking up on Itachi Uchiha.

Yeah, fuck that.

I crept over to him but as I made to touch him, he had spun around in an instant and was kissing me gently. I paused in shock but quickly returned the gift.

Oh hell yeah he was stressed. I can feel it through the kiss.

"Alice." He stated when he pulled away to let me breathe. "What are you doing?"

"I was coming over here to give you a kiss, but you beat me to it." I pouted, sitting back on my knees. Sable ran out from her hiding spot under the bed and attacked, grabbing onto the bottom of my pants and trying to eat my leg.

"My apologies." He chuckled. His attention flicked to Sable who started chasing my foot as I moved it back and forth, playing with her.

"I'm not complaining. I love your kisses." I said dismissively, shoving off his apology.

He smirked slightly and stroked my cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too." I scooted closer to him and wrapped my arms around him. I rested my head on his shoulder and nuzzled his face gently. "You're stressed."

"I'm alright." He assured me.

"Bullshit." I stated. He paused to raise an eyebrow at me. "I can feel it both in your presence and the kiss. Not to mention, I can see it in your eyes. You might be good at fooling other people Itachi Uchiha, but I can read you like a fucking book."

He sighed and curled his arms around me, picking me up so he could set me on his lap. Sable, being the determined little thing she is, followed my foot and attacked with more violence. "Nothing ever gets by you does it? You're always so perceptive."

"Only when it comes to you." I sighed, kissing his neck. "Wanna talk about it?"

He blinked and watched Sable gnaw on my pants. "There isn't much to say. I'm just slightly anxious about confronting my younger brother."

"I know you are." I said, petting him. "But don't worry okay? I'll be there with you the entire time. There is no way I'll ever leave you. I'll help in any way I can. It'll be alright. Trust me." I kissed his jaw. "I love you." I winced. "Ouch, she got my toe."

Little freaking butthead bit my toe… She's lucky she's freaking adorable.

He hugged me tighter and buried his face into my hair. "Thank you Alice. I love you as well. More than you could possibly know."

I told him I loved him just as much before giving him a smirk. "I think I know a way to get your mind off the upcoming… _discussion_ with your brother."

He knew that smirk. He totally did. "What did you have in mind?" He whispered in my ear, licking it. I shivered at that. He knew how to tease me.

Jerk…

"Well, the dirty things can wait for later when everyone is sleeping." I snickered. "Right now, I was thinking of making you loosen up. You're tense as shit. And did you know it's proven that petting a dog can lower one's blood pressure and ease stress? See? It's a good thing we got little Sable."

He raised one of his perfect eyebrows at me. "Oh?"

"Yeah." I told him. I kissed his nose. "Put your toys away and then come join me on the bed." I smirked. "Make sure you ditch the shirt."

Now it was his turn to smirk. "Only if you ditch yours."

I laughed. "Hell no. Not with the Aka-idiots running around the base just waiting to barge into the room to interrupt us."

"Then why should I remove mine?" He asked seductively, licking my neck just below my ear. I shivered again and he smirked into my flesh.

"Two reasons." I began. "One: It's beneficial to you for what I'm about to do." I kissed him once on the lips. "Two," I kissed him twice, "if I take off my shirt with the idiots roaming the base, they will barge in here and odds are, Hidan will just love looking at me without a shirt on. I'm pretty sure all of them save Deidara, Pein, and Konan would make perverted comments."

"Even Kathryn?" He asked, though I knew he saw my point.

"Hers will be the most perverted, second only to Hidan. Possibly third to Sasori. He has sarcasm where she does not." I explained. "Dei wouldn't because he's a good boy and he has Kathryn. Besides, he's become something like a big brother to me."

"I see what you mean." He nodded. "Very well. Though, I could place a Genjutsu around the room so no one will enter."

I smiled. "Genjutsu doesn't work on Kathryn."

"I could threaten her." He stated. "I'd rather not though. You're adept at it as well."

"Just put your shit away so I can touch you." I sighed.

He chuckled and got to his feet with me in his arms. He set me on the bed before he hurriedly, but carefully put his things away. He had his shirt off in one fluid motion and had me pinned to the bed beneath him in the next second.

"I like where this is going." He muttered into my lips.

"Chill out you pervert." I snickered. "Wait til later. I promise there will be a chance for that in time. However, right now, I'm going to do the one thing that I won't let anyone do to me. I rarely do this for anyone either. I've done it only once to Kathryn when she was sick with Mono and a few times to Louis and Brett."

He raised his eyebrow again and let me up. I grabbed him by his shoulders and coaxed him into an Indian style sitting position. "And what would that be?"

"You'll see babe." I promised, pausing to kiss him as I went behind him. "Just relax. Okay?" I picked up a pouting Sable and set her in his lap. "Here, keep her occupied."

He looked at me over his shoulder as he stroked her calmly, skillfully calming her out of her playful mood. "I trust you Alice."

I kissed him again. He was just too cute. "Then there's nothing to worry about." I nuzzled him before snaking my fingers down his back, watching him twitch slightly. "Please relax. I promise I won't hurt you. I've been told that I actually am very good at this."

He nodded. "Sorry, it's a natural reaction. Ninjas don't relax very easily."

"I understand." I smiled as I began massaging his back. "If you want to lay down, just let me know. It'll probably be easier to do it that way. But that means Sable will be able to eat you."

He shrugged. "Whatever you'd like Alice."

I nodded and poked him gently. "Lay on your stomach." I waited for him to obey before continuing my task of working out the kinks and shit in his back, neck, and shoulders.

He barely moved after a time. The only movement was his breathing which slowly evened out as he fell asleep. I'm glad he did. He got up really early in the morning and was just sitting there staring off into space while petting me.

He was so stressed.

Poor guy…

As I worked, I memorized his body. He truly was perfect. It was impressive. His skin was almost as smooth a baby's and it gleamed with a flawless shine. His muscles were well toned and formed so there was no possible way to call him small.

Compared to the bulky muscles Kisame supported, Itachi's supply appeared to be average to anyone who never saw him as closely as I did. And Hidan is the pope if Itachi has no muscle.

And his hair. Oh his hair, that wonderful gift from Jashin-sama. It was absolutely perfect. He took good care of it that was for sure. It was long and it was combed into a perfect low and lazy ponytail. It was silky, smooth, and it had a shine to it that couldn't be matched by anything other than the moon.

Perfect described Itachi.

And this piece of perfection was all mine.

Be jealous… Be very jealous…

Sable sat in my lap the entire time, curled up in a little ball, occasionally licking my hand when I'd pet her between feeling Itachi up.

Said weasel shifted in his sleep when I kissed his shoulder as I ran my hands over his back. He blinked tiredly and looked in my direction. I smiled at him and he returned it weakly.

"Good morning sunshine." I smiled. Sable reacted to his sudden movement and rushed over to lick the shit out of his face.

He chuckled and shifted, rolling on his back. He grabbed me gently and tugged me onto his chest so he could pull my mouth to his so he could kiss me. "Hello Alice. And hello to you too, Sable." He scratched behind her ear gently.

"Did you have a nice nap?" I wondered.

"It was very enjoyable." He nodded. "Thank you for doing that. I feel much better."

I kissed him. "Good. Mission accomplished."

He wrapped his arms around me and rolled so he was on his side and I was on the bed, trapped in his arms. "I love you." He whispered. He tightened his grip as he hugged me. "I don't know what I would do without you, Alice."

"Same could be said here babe." I assured him.

He sighed. "You are quite good at that."

"I try." I shrugged.

"You succeed." He stated.

I laughed. "I'm glad you think so." I cuddled into his warm embrace. "You're so fucking sexy and perfect. You take my breath away every time I look at you."

"I could also say the same about you." He muttered into my lips as he kissed me. Sable decided to take a page out of Kathryn's book and climbed between us, whining for attention.

As if she didn't get enough.

I never let the poor thing go.

I opened my mouth to comment but stopped when a knock sounded on the door connecting our room to Kisame's. I glanced at it and Itachi raised his eyebrow.

"Kisame?" He questioned. "Come in."

The door opened and Kisame walked in. He smirked at us and walked over to the bed. He patted my head and looked at his partner. "I was just checking on you two. Your chakra was low for a while." He scooped up the Akatsuki puppy when she rushed over to him to greet him.

"I was sleeping." Itachi informed him.

Kisame raised his eyebrow as Sable licked his fishy face. "You take naps?"

"Not usually. However, I had a good reason to do so today." Itachi stated.

"What? Did Alice wear you out?" He wondered.

I smirked. "He wouldn't be up now if that was the case."

Itachi chuckled when Kisame snickered. "No, but she did coax me into sleep."

"I was massaging his back." I said with a shrug. "It relaxed him and he fell asleep."

Kisame nodded. "I see. Sasori was going to send Kathryn and Deidara in here to check on you, but I volunteered so they didn't… interrupt you if you were doing something private."

"Well we were, but it was just cuddling." I told him. "You're always welcome to cuddle too Kisame."

Kisame snickered. "My partner and I don't like to share. Maybe next time when you're not cuddling with him, I'll steal you."

"Fair enough." I giggled. Itachi kissed my forehead.

Kisame rumpled my hair and kissed the top of my head. "Well I'm gonna leave you two alone. I think I'll take a nap myself. Things have been rather dead around here recently."

"Hn." Itachi nodded. "I'll let you know if something comes up while you're sleeping, Kisame." Kisame put Sable on top of me and she moved to her spot on my pillow above my head. She would sleep between us, but there usually isn't room for her so she sleeps by our heads.

"Sure, sure." Kisame said, waving it off. "Wake me for dinner I guess."

"I will." I stated. "Night Kisa."

He grinned his sharp-toothed and lovely grin at us before leaving the room. He closed the door behind him with an audible click.

"He's cute." I smiled as I turned back to Itachi. I grabbed his face and kissed him. "But not as cute as you. Or our fuzzy puppy." I scratched her ear for emphasis.

Itachi rested his head against mine and kissed me. "He cares for you a great deal. They all do. I've never seen them care for anyone as much as they care for you and Kathryn."

I smiled. "I've never cared for anyone as much as I care about you and them. Other than Kathryn of course but she's a given."

He blinked. "Kisame would destroy just about anything for you." He stroked my cheek. "As would the others. All of us have discussed your relationship. Kisame is close to both you and Kathryn, but the way he feels for you is beyond the little sister feelings he has towards Kathryn. There isn't a way to describe it."

I nodded. "I know what you're talking about. I feel the same way about him. He's so much more brotherly than I could have imagined, but there's an aspect to him that's not brotherly at all. I love him almost as much as I love you. But then, I love the others too."

Kisame was like Kathryn's big brother that she never had. He protected her when he needed to, but he also liked to mess with her and let the other guys tease her a bit before he stepped in and crushed them

Itachi nuzzled my cheek. "Then there's Deidara." He chuckled. "He has a peculiar relationship with you."

"Dei is like the coolest big brother ever." I smiled.

"He sees you as his little sister as you know. And he would die protecting you. Obviously Kathryn and Sasori hold places in his heart above all others, but you are closer to him than anyone else." He informed me.

Yeah, Deidara loved Kathryn just as much as she loved him. Their relationship was adorable and relieving. I'm glad they feel that way about each other. Both of them needed it. Deidara needs Kathryn just as much as she needs him.

"Same here for me." I stated.

He smirked. "Now Sasori…"

"Oh Jashin…" I smiled.

"You and him have a strange relationship. It's almost like he's your father." Itachi said. "However, there's a brotherly aspect to it. He cherishes your personality almost as much as I do. Your quick wit is something he appreciates more than anything else."

"I love Sasori too. His personality is probably my favorite thing about him. It's what sets him apart from everyone else." I smiled. "Not to mention, it's fun as hell to tease him."

Fatherly was a good way to describe Sasori sometimes. He did have the fatherly characteristic about him sometimes just like I had a motherly one. However, his relationship with Kathryn went deeper than that. If I could compare it to anything, I'd compare it to my relationship with Kisame. Sasori took care of her and it was something she needed.

I thank him for that.

Itachi chuckled. "Hidan's relationship is similar to Deidara's. However, Deidara doesn't pull perverted stunts with you." He paused for a moment. "He cares for you where he has cared for no one else. He may seem thick, but he sees your emotions better than most. He can tell when you're upset and when you're not. Hidan is extremely attuned to you."

"He's nice to be around when he isn't being a perverted psycho. Though, I do love that about him too." I snickered. "Hidan and I just click. We understand each other. He's really good at making me feel better when you're not there to. When you were out on missions and when I was out with them, Hidan was able to comfort me enough to not be utterly miserable without you." He looked troubled so I kissed him. "That's why I didn't want you to kill him once we got back from the mission. He helped even though he ruined it by being a pervert."

Now Hidan's relationship with Kathryn was kind of like mine with Deidara. Hidan was Kathryn's older protective, yet pestering brother. He pestered the hell out of her just to watch her get mad and to entice some reactions. But as soon as danger appeared in any way, Hidan would be in the line of fire, ready to get dismembered for her.

Itachi frowned but recovered. "If it wouldn't have been for Kakuzu going with you two, I wouldn't have allowed you to accompany Hidan. I was surprised at first, but he's come to care for you a great deal as well."

"Yeah, Kakuzu's just not the kind of guy to get into relationships. But if you know his personality, than he's easy to get close to." I agreed. "He's not really brotherly, but there is a bit of the fatherly protection from Kakuzu."

I know Kakuzu doesn't seem too interactive, but that's because he's not. He knows what he wants and he knows what he likes and he's content with that. He doesn't want or need anything other than what he wants or needs. That's what I like about Kakuzu. He's huge, sweet, and to the point.

However, since I came here, Kakuzu and I have grown close. I hang out with him whenever I'm not with Itachi, Kisame, or the others which is more often than it seems. He's usually relaxing in the kitchen, reading in the living room, or counting money in his room. I often just sit near him and talk with him.

We exchange playful banter and discuss topics that interest both of us. We both adore fucking with Hidan and he appreciates that I know how to handle money wisely though I can't do math for shit. He makes fun of me for it every now and then now.

He's kinda like Sasori, but with a more silent, grunt manner.

Kathryn's relationship with him is similar to mine in a way. Kakuzu likes Kathryn a lot, but he can't handle her hyperactive ways. He's too short tempered. He wouldn't hurt her, but I bet sometimes he thinks about it when she annoys him. He cares for her, but she's not as close to him as I am. That's just a difference in personality though.

"Pein regards you highly as well." Itachi stated. "You've joined the organization so you are now one of his 'children'. He respects you and he enjoys your wit and intelligence. Your kindness and gentle ways also adds to his respect."

I smiled. "I adore Pein. He holds my respect like no other man ever has. Other than you of course babe, but that's a given. I see Pein as our fearless leader. I gladly follow him even though I'm not a ninja. If I wasn't a proud Jashinist, Pein would take the position as my worthy God." Itachi nodded in silent agreement/understanding.

Pein is just… Pein. There isn't a way to describe him. He's just so awesome and… impressive. He's charismatic even though he doesn't really try. He picked the perfect position of the leader of this organization and the leader of a village. He's powerful and he just deserves respect. And I give it willingly.

Pein's kind to anyone and he gives you the respect and treatment you deserve. He's like the dad to everyone here. He deals out punishments and chores when he needs to, but he doesn't overload people.

Kathryn feels the same way. Now granted, she isn't as close to him as me seeing as she doesn't have a code with him and she's always up Deidara's ass. However, Pein does care for her and he respects her opinions and input. He often asks her for assistance on things if he and I can't decide.

"Konan has taken you in as both her daughter and sister." Itachi continued. "She cares for you a great deal as well."

"Konan is awesome. She's like the sister I never had as well as the motherly figure I need." I admitted. "She's like Kathryn, but she also fills the spaces that Kathryn can't quite reach. She's like an older sister if I could describe it while Kathryn is the younger."

That describes us perfectly. Without the constant hormone fights and the stealing of each other's clothes though. We're like sisters. I'm kind of the motherly one since I'm always bitching at Kathryn, but Konan is motherly towards me when she needs to be.

Put her and Kathryn together and I'm almost in over my head trying to keep them from being overly girly and weird. It's weird, but I love it. They both need the girly contact in this base full of men.

I do too, though I won't really admit it.

"Madara's relationship with you is similar to Pein's which I'm rather surprised about. Madara isn't exactly the friendly type." Itachi stated, kissing my nose. "Especially when he not in his Tobi persona."

"Me and Madara just respect each other. I know how powerful he is and he sees my uses." I shrugged. "Besides, I'm nice to his Tobi personality and he appreciates that I think." Our relationship was more of a business one. I'd do just about anything for Madara/Tobi and I have a feeling he'd do what he could, but when it came down to it, he's still focused on his goals. I respect that and he knows it.

Now Kathryn was closer to Tobi and she was a little scared of Madara so he rarely showed that personality around her. I think he's done it once. But Tobi is like her best buddy.

"I understand what you mean." Itachi nodded. He smiled when I started kissing a trail from his lips down to his collarbone where it was more comfortable for me. "You and Zetsu are on good terms as well."

I snickered into Itachi chest. "Yeah, me and Zetsu are buddies. With his double personalities, he can keep up with my extreme mood swings. Plus, he appreciates that I do all the house work around here."

Zetsu and I sit outside sometimes and just have deep, long talks. It's actually pretty nice. Zetsu's really cool to talk to and he's hilarious when he argues with himself. I love that plant guy. He can be really passionate about things and careless about others. He's really similar to myself.

Now Kathryn and Zetsu have a weird relationship. His white half likes her a lot while his dark half loves being mean to her and stuff. I'm pretty sure he actually likes her but because she was a veggie, he kind of holds it against her.

He's such a dork.

But Jashin do I love him.

And finally there's Kathryn's relationship with Itachi. He really does like her a lot. Her carefree and hyper personality eases the tension in the base and he enjoys her optimistic aura. Itachi is actually really protective over Kathryn. They are kind of like me and Pein/Sasori. She loves messing with him like I do Sasori, but she respects him and likes him like I do Pein.

Itachi's protective nature over her is only intensified by mine. He doesn't want me to be sad and in order to keep me from being sad about Kathryn possibly getting injured, he watches over her like a mother hen.

He's just all around perfect.

All of the Akatsuki are.

"I love all of you guys." I smiled, nuzzling Itachi. "I love you Itachi."

He kissed me. "I love you as well Alice." He snuggled into me. "More than anything."

I smiled at him. "Good."

Yeah, I love my life with the Akatsuki.

* * *

_Tori, I love you tooXD_

**_Fun Fact:_**_ In Japan, it is completely acceptable to name your child "Buttocks" or "Prostitute". Lol... Guess where I'm going to have my kids... lol_

Answer: _1. Humanity in general. I am a misanthrope. 2. Bright colors. 3. Food._

**QotC: **_What are three things you absolutely love?_

_And so, I shall be off:)_

_Toodles dearies. (GO LOOK AT THE FANART/ONESHOT STUFF ON MY PAGE!)_

:)


	64. Chapter 64

_Here is the 64th Chapter._

_Jashin... this story is going to be so long..._

_Fair warning of some fluffiness in this chapter..._

_Anyways, enjoy. I don't own Naruto._

* * *

I hear snickering.

It is hushed snickering, but it's snickering nonetheless.

"Shh." Hidan's hushed voice hissed from somewhere behind me. "She'll fucking hear us if you don't quiet down."

Another snicker sounded. "I can't help it! Your face was priceless!" Kathryn replied.

Deidara chuckled almost soundlessly. "It was pretty funny un."

"Alright whatever, let's just sneak up on this fucking bitch." Hidan hissed.

I sighed and set down my phone. "I hope you three know that I could hear you before you even entered the damn room."

"Shit!" Hidan swore.

"GOT YOU HMM!" Deidara cried, lunging at me from behind the couch and tackling me. He pinned me to the ground beneath him, laughing playfully when I retaliated and hit him in the gut. Sable started barking at us and jumped off the couch to run around us, biting what she could and barking when she couldn't.

"Get her Dei!" Kathryn cheered, popping up over the back of the couch with Hidan to watch me and Deidara wrestle.

"Oh I see how it is!" I snapped, wrapping an arm around Deidara's neck as he bent one of my legs in an uncomfortable direction.

Deidara and I didn't even notice it, but Sasori and Itachi walked into the room and sighed when they saw us at each other's throats trying to kill each other.

"Do they ever stop?" Sasori asked with a sigh. "This is the second time today…"

Hidan scoffed as he launched himself over the back of the couch to land on the cushions. "Apparently not." He scooped up Sable and held her, petting her to quiet her down.

"She got him earlier so he's been determined to get her back." Kathryn giggled.

Itachi rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me off Deidara as Sasori put his foot on Deidara's chest and held him down.

"Let me at him!" I barked. "I'll kick his ass!"

"Let go Danna, un!" Deidara said, struggling to get at me just as I was struggling to get at him.

Itachi adjusted me in his arms so he was holding me like a bride. He kissed me full on the lips, instantly gaining my attention. I stopped struggling in an instant and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him back. He chuckled at me and my simplicity.

Kathryn snuck over to Deidara and kissed him fully as Sasori held him down for her. He stopped fighting in order to make out with her.

We are so easily distracted.

"All four of you are fucking pathetic." Hidan commented, resting his elbow on the arm of the couch as he watched us boredly, lounging. He had put Sable down and she was sitting beside Itachi's feet, watching us.

Sasori released Deidara. "I agree with Hidan."

"Yeah, well no one asked for your opinions." I snapped, looking away from my weasel as he set me back down on the ground.

Hidan rolled his eyes. "It took a fucking kiss and you two stopped fighting instantly."

"Itachi's kisses are better than wrestling with Deidara." I shrugged.

"I could say the same about Kathryn's, un." Deidara agreed.

I smirked. "So fuck off Hidan."

He punched me in the back of my leg and I fell pathetically. I glared and jumped on him. He started laughing and quickly had me pinned beneath him on the couch in an extremely suggestive position.

Cue Sable's barking again.

He smirked. "So bitch? What now?" He leaned closer to me, making it ten times more imitate and potentially awkward. However, this is me and Hidan. Nothing is ever awkward when it comes to us.

In fact, we relish the awkwardness.

Itachi was in the room though, so I had to put an end to this.

How dare Hidan act like such in front of my lover? And my puppy!

I smirked back and I saw fear flash through his eyes as he realized what I was going to do. I snickered evilly before I put on my scared face. "Ouch Hidan! You're hurting me!"

Kisame was in that room quicker than you could say "what the fuck" and he had Hidan on the other side of the room and me in his arms before I could blink.

He cradled me. "Are you alright Alice?"

I nodded, still pouting. "Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks Kisame."

"Awe!" Kathryn grinned. "That's so sweet. How come you're not that nice Danna?" Sasori just smacked her in response.

He nodded and kissed my forehead before setting me back down gently on the couch as he went to go and kill Hidan who was hurrying to his feet.

"I didn't fucking do anything to her!" He said, backing away from Kisame.

Kisame, in full out protective shark mode, just glared at him. "You aren't supposed to fight her unless she has Deidara helping her. I've told you this multiple times. I warned you what I would do to you if you hurt her."

I started laughing. "Kisame I love you so freaking much." I jumped over the couch and latched onto his person, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his stomach. "You're the best."

He stopped in his quest for Hidan's blood to grin at me and be the Kisame I loved with all of my being.

Itachi chuckled. "Kisame. That will do."

Kisame glared at Hidan before taking me off his back so he could hug me. "You attacked him first didn't you kid?"

"Actually he hit me first so then I attacked him." I corrected. "But it's good to know you'll be there for me either way."

"Of course kiddo." He smirked. "I like fucking with Hidan too so it's a plus."

"Fuck you Kisame." Hidan growled.

I smiled and Kisame set me down. I ran over to Hidan and tackled him. "I love you too Hidan."

"You fucking better you bitch." He mumbled, allowing me to hug him. "Get off."

"Not until you hug me back." I said stubbornly. He swore under his breath as he hugged me back tightly. I kissed his cheek and let him go when he loosened his grip. I then skipped back to Itachi and latched onto him.

"I love you." I assured him.

He smiled gently at me. "I love you as well, Alice." He kissed my forehead. "Kisame, do you have the scroll?"

Kisame nodded, pulling a scroll out of his pocket. "Yeah."

Itachi dipped his head and kissed me. "Kisame and I have orders to go and fetch the four-tails." He touched my face. "Unfortunately, because we do not know the severity of the battle, Pein has asked that you remain here."

I pouted at the thought of my weasel leaving me for any duration of time. "That's okay. Just make it quick. Sable can only be my cuddle object for so long."

He nuzzled my face. "I will." He hugged me and kissed me lovingly. "I love you Alice. I will return soon."

"I love you too babe." I said kissing him back. He released me so I could attack Kisame while he gathered his things. I hugged my shark and kissed his cheek. "Bye Kisame. I love you buddy. Watch out for yourself and Itachi for me. Don't let him use his eyes too much."

Kisame smiled at me and hugged me back. "I will kid. I love you too." He set me down as Itachi returned to us. "We'll be back soon. This shouldn't be too difficult."

Itachi and I exchanged one more goodbye before my partners disappeared, leaving the base to go and hunt down the four-tails.

I smirked and turned to Deidara who was busy talking to Hidan. Kathryn, who had been looking around, saw my smirk and her eyes widened. She grinned at me and shook her head, skipping away from Deidara to latch onto Sasori. He saw my crouched stance and sighed, shaking his head. Hidan grinned over Deidara's shoulder.

I shot forward and jumped on Deidara. He shouted in shock and crashed into the couch. We knocked it over with our momentum and we rolled away from it, fighting again. Two Alice, one Deidara.

I eeped as I was picked up by the back of my shirt like some sort of baby animal. Kakuzu was standing there, holding me up and off of Deidara.

"You two are done." He said calmly.

"Awe, but it was fun." I pouted.

Deidara sat up, chuckling. "Why are we stopping, un?"

"You're stopping because you're going to break something. I already had to replace three doors, a couch, and a table in the past week. I refuse to replace anything else. Plus, I'm getting sick of the barking. The dog doesn't like it."

"Whatever, I fucking stole you enough money to buy like half of that." I scoffed. "And correction: Sable is a wolf, not a dog."

"Regardless, you two are going to be put into time out of you don't knock it off." He growled. "You may have _one_ of these fights everyday unless you go to the training grounds. If you're there, you can have as many as you want."

I pouted. "But…"

"One fight outside the training grounds." He repeated. "That's it. If you do more, I'll see to it that you have none."

I sighed. "Fine. Party pooper."

"Get used to it." He smirked, setting me down.

Deidara sighed dejectedly and flopped back on the floor. "No fun, un."

I watched Kakuzu leave the room before drawing back my fist to punch Deidara.

"Alice." Kakuzu barked from the hallway. "No."

"How did you even see that?" I demanded. Sable came over to me and licked my chin, giving me sympathy that I sorely needed.

Sasori sighed. "You're an idiot." See? I'm not going to get it from anyone else here.

Kathryn giggled and jumped over the recently righted couch to hug Deidara's sprawled out figure. "Let's play a game."

"What game, un?" He asked.

She shrugged. "I dunno."

I looked at my phone. "You can count me out of it. I have to go make dinner."

Hidan put his arm over my shoulders. "I'll keep you company bitch."

"Fair enough. Let's go." I shrugged. "Come on Sable."

My puppy followed Hidan and I happily, biting on his ankles playfully.

Hidan totally loved her.

Dinner was made and it passed by quickly. Pretty soon, I was curled up in a ball on my bed, pouting about my lack of weasel. I didn't even have my shark either.

I'm pathetic.

There I am, cuddling the shit out of Sable who just let me hug her like the good puppy she is. She even licked me every now and then, gaining bonus points and extra praise.

A knock sounded from the door and I look at it. "Hmm?"

"What are you doing bitch?" Hidan asked, poking his head into the room.

"Missing my weasel and shark." I sighed. "Cuddling with my puppy."

He smirked. "The skinny bitch wants you to join her and Deidara-chan in the living room. Apparently she wants everyone to sleep in there."

"How is that working out?" I asked, smiling.

"So far, it's her and Deidara." He chuckled. "I might. I haven't decided whether I'd rather sleep in my big ass bed or on a fucking couch yet."

"That does sound like a predicament." I told him, getting of the bed and walking to the door, Sable in my arms.

He shrugged and scratched behind Sable's ear. "Kinda, yeah."

"Well, if I decide to, will you?" I wondered.

"Sure." He said seriously. He rumpled my hair and stepped back so I could join him in the hallway. We walked together to the living room to see Kathryn jumping from couch to couch while Deidara just kind of stood there and watched her in confusion.

I watched her for a moment before looking at Deidara. "What is she doing?"

"I'm not sure, un." He admitted. "She just started hopping around, yeah."

Hidan sighed, picked up a pillow and pitched it at Kathryn. It hit her in the face mid jump and she flew backwards and over the back of the couch with its momentum.

"Ouchies!" She pouted.

Deidara glared at Hidan. "You could have hurt her, un."

I meanwhile, was laughing my ass off along with Hidan. "That was fucking awesome!" I high fived him. "Excellent job Hidan!" I had to put Sable down because I was afraid I would drop her from laughing so hard.

He snickered. "That was fucking funny." He grinned at Kathryn when she got up.

She was pouting, but smiling at the same time. "You're a meany-butt Hidan."

"So what did you want?" I asked, still chortling.

"I know you're going to be sad without Itachi and Kisame, so I'm volunteering to sleep out here in the living room with you. But since I know you're paranoid, Dei and Hidan are joining us." Kathryn explained.

I raised my eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because I'm your bestest friend." She said seriously.

"Fair enough." I stated. "You and Deidara are sharing a couch though. Me and Hidan get our own."

She grinned. "Okay." She latched onto her blond. "I intended on that anyways."

And so we had a little slumber party thing in the living room. I didn't sleep. I can't sleep in the same room as other people. Not to mention, all three of them fucking snore. So, I went to my room at some time in the night and just curled up on Itachi's side of the bed with Sable.

Yeah, I didn't sleep then either.

I just needed Itachi to come home.

And thank Jashin he hurried.

Five days after he and Kisame left, he returned to me.

Two days of search and capture. Three days of sealing.

Five days too many in my opinion.

* * *

"You know, you probably have the _sexiest_ voice I have _ever_ heard." I told Itachi as he entered the bedroom. He had gotten back from sealing the tailed beast that morning with Kisame, but he had gone to give Pein his report. So I was waiting for him in our bedroom.

I asked Kisame to watch Sable, a.k.a. my baby.

What? I wanted to have some alone time with my weasel.

She doesn't need to see that.

He paused slightly in shutting the door before smiling. "What brought this on?"

"I was watching an episode with you in it, and your voice gave me chills." I stated, waving my phone at him. "I just wish you would talk nonstop so I could listen to it forever."

Itachi discarded his cloak and effects before walking over to the bed which I was lounging on lazily. He eased himself on it sexily before crawling over to me. He slowly closed the distance between our faces until there was like an inch between our lips.

"Alice." He said sexily.

I closed the distance, pressing my lips to his passionately. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, trying to prevent any separation. He smiled into the kiss and eased my head back on to the pillow before he curled one arm around my waist while his hand on the other one caressed my cheek.

"Itachi." I breathed in between our kissing. "I love you."

He licked my lips. "I love you Alice." He silenced my reply by kissing me, slipping his tongue into my slightly open mouth, sending shivers down my spine. My own tongue darted forward to meet his and the intensity of our kissing only increased from there.

His hand fisted in my hair while the other one began roaming. One of my hands kept his mouth locked to mine, while my other one discreetly began removing his clothing.

We'll leave what happened next to your imagination.

* * *

I snuggled up to my weasel that night, never wanting to let him go.

"You're so beautiful Alice." Itachi whispered in my ear, running his fingers gently over my cheek. "I love you."

Our puppy was spending the day with her fishy uncle Kisame.

He might have dumped her on Hidan though. Sable and him are best friends.

I smiled. "I love you too babe. You're the most handsome, ridiculously sexy and breathtaking man I've ever met. And your voice…" I shivered at the sound of it.

"You've said that a few times now." He chuckled.

"Yeah well, I just can't get enough of it. I think I might have an addiction. Not that I don't have one for you anyways." I said with a shrug. "I mean, I was watching a video and, though the episode wasn't exactly the best one to watch, your voice made me drool."

He raised his eyebrow. "What episode?"

"It was one of the episodes of you and Sasuke fighting." I muttered. "I didn't watch _that_ one. If I did, I'd probably have lost it."

Itachi kissed me, knowing what I was talking about. "What were we doing?"

"You were acting like you had lost it." I stated. He knew what I was talking about. He had watched the videos himself recently. "You may have been lying, and it might not have been a good topic, but your voice when you were yelling at Sasuke cannot be explained. I can't tell you what it does to me because it's inappropriate."

Itachi chuckled. "Well, I'll try to talk more when we're alone." He said in an extremely seductive and enticing voice. He smirked when I shuddered and drooled. He was totally messing with me.

"Don't tease me." I pouted.

"I like watching you squirm." He chuckled, giving me a grin.

"You're sadistic." I whispered. I smirked. "But I know how to make Itachi Uchiha squirm too." I pressed closer to him and licked his ear lobe.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "Do you?"

"Maybe not for the same reasons." I stated. "But it's adorable either way." I poked him in his ticklish spot and he jerked. I snickered. "You're so freaking cute."

Itachi cleared his throat quietly, not liking my tickling. "I'll get you back for that, Alice."

"How?" I asked. "I'm not ticklish."

"I have my ways." He said quietly, licking just under my jaw. He trailed a line from the spot he licked with both his nose and his tongue up to my ear, smirking as I shivered the entire time. "You'll wish you were ticklish."

I scoffed, trying to hide that tiny twinge of fear that was really excitement. "Bring it on, babe. We can do this all night."

I ran my fingers over his ticklish spot again while licking his ear. He shivered and grabbed my hand to stop me, but I retaliated by licking another ticklish spot. Itachi Uchiha, the stoic prodigy, grunted in protest and shied away from me.

"My turn." He hissed after a moment. My victorious smile faded as he suddenly loomed over me. He grabbed my hands and pinned them to the bed above my head. He gave me a teasing, merciless smirk before leaning closer and planting light kisses from my collarbone up to my ear, breathing on me through his nose all the while. Then, once he reached my ear, he said my name in the sexiest, most enticing tone I've ever heard.

"We'll have taken a shower for nothing." I muttered, trying not to rape him right then and there. "Give me my hands back. It's my turn."

He made a face as if he was thinking about it before shaking his head. "No, I'm not quite done with you yet."

I pouted. "Now that isn't fair."

"I never said we had to play fair." He chuckled, kissing my lips.

"You're a sadist. Like seriously, worse than me and Hidan." I whimpered.

He smirked. "You like it."

"I fucking love it." I told him seriously. "Now let me touch you."

"No." He stated. "There will be time for that later. As for right now, I'm going to torment you for a bit."

I whimpered again. "Itachi!"

He just chuckled his deepest and sexiest chuckle at me, his Sharingan smoldering teasingly in our slowly darkening bedroom.

* * *

_I was going to have a chapter before this because I don't really like this chapter... but, I got lazy and didn't type one up._

_So deal with it._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ In ancient Japan, public contests were held to see who could fart the loudest and longest. Hahahaha! Gotta love Japan. :)_

Answer: _1. Canines- more specifically wolves and dogs. 2. Anime. 3. My readers and reviewers:)_

**QotC:** _What is your opinion on the human race? (These questions are getting deep...)_

_I don't really have anything fun to talk about. Just some ranting. Feel free to ignore it.  
_

_So, I was starting to feel a bit better... but for the past few days, I've been seeing/noticing things that just completely have been pissing me off. Most of it, by people. And not just random people, I mean people on the internet. People I talk to on the internet. Now, I'm not one for internet bitching and fighting with people via text. Because it's pointless and a waste of energy. Not to mention, I try to be a decent human being. I'm mean and hostile, yes. But I try my best to be as nice and polite to others as I can, even if I hate said person with a burning passion._

_I'm not naming names, and I'm not going to call anyone out. However, if you're doing something you know you shouldn't be doing, or even if it feels wrong, stop fucking doing it. Is it really that hard? Honestly._

_But, that's not the only once source of my irritation. My family has been driving up a wall too. But, I'm not going into detail._

_So, enough of my rambling._

_See you Monday unless I feel like posting early or I update my oneshot mess._

_Bye~_


	65. Chapter 65

_I literally just typed this chapter in about... twenty minutes._

_Think of it as a fillerish type thing._

_Because in just a few chapters... We have Duck Butt and his gang of misfits._

_So enjoy lovelies._

* * *

"Ouch! Damn you Deidara!" I snapped as Deidara's hand-mouth bit my arm. I punched him in the side of the head before grabbing one of his legs and bending it in a random direction.

Deidara swore quietly through his laugh and head butted me. However, the idiot used the wrong side of his head, so his hair cushioned the blow. I laughed and grabbed his blond locks and began pulling them.

"Ow! Ow! Ow~!" He whined. He released one of my arms and waved his own around, trying to get me to let go of him. He looked kind of pathetic and adorable at the same time…

Only Deidara can accomplish this.

He is a professional.

"Alice!" I heard Kakuzu shout. "Deidara!" Deidara and I froze in our battle to listen to the miser. "You had _better_ be inside the training grounds. Seeing as this would be your third fight today."

Deidara and I paled and slowly turned to look at each other. Both of our faces were contorted with fear and shock.

We weren't in the training grounds.

We were in the hallway, just outside of the kitchen.

And this would be our second fight outside of the training grounds…

The two of us looked at the path our fighting made us travel and we both gawked at the destruction we caused. A door was in shambles; we killed a random fucking mirror, and made a few dents in the wall. A Alice and Deidara shaped dent was the largest…

"I think we should go run." I whispered, prodding Deidara who was still gawking.

He nodded quickly and we both got to our feet before sprinting away from the scene, trying to put as much distance between us and our mess. Deidara ran into Sasori's workshop while I continued through the base until I reached Kisame's room. I slid inside, shut the door, and crawled under the bed.

I thank Jashin for my lack of chakra.

Kakuzu couldn't find me so easily.

**Third Person!**

Kakuzu sighed as he left his room. He walked towards the kitchen to get something to snack on before Alice made dinner. With a slight yawn, he walked inside the kitchen once he reached it.

Kakuzu froze in the doorway and backed up, looking over the hallway. He took in the shattered door, the glass shards sprinkling the floor and the numerous dents in the wall. The largest of which had a very distinctive shape.

He closed his eyes, willing himself not to destroy the pair of them. He sighed deeply and tried to quell the monster within him that was dying to slaughter. He set his hand on the wall as he grabbed his forehead with his free one.

A piece of the wall came off from the pressure and crumbled to the ground.

Kakuzu's eyebrow twitched in irritation.

"ALICE! DEIDARA!" Kakuzu shouted.

Deidara hugged himself from inside one of his Danna's defensive puppets and whimpered in fear. Even further into the base, Alice shivered at the murderous tint to Kakuzu's voice.

"What's going on, Kakuzu?" Kisame asked as he walked down a hallway.

Kakuzu gestured to the hallway behind him. Kisame peeked around him before laughing.

"It isn't funny, Kisame." Kakuzu snapped. "I have to pay for this to be fixed."

"So make them do it." Kisame snickered. "Alice steals you shit half the time anyways."

"That is beside the point." Kakuzu growled. "Do you know where Alice is?"

Kisame shook his head. "Not a clue. Maybe she's hiding from you."

Kakuzu grunted. "That would be wise."

"Deidara's chakra is coming from inside Sasori's workshop." Kisame threw at him as he walked into the kitchen.

"DEIDARA! GET OUT OF MY WORKSHOP!" Sasori shouted, having just emerged onto the hallway with Itachi and Kathryn. Kathryn, who was carrying Sable, started giggling madly and bouncing in her spot.

"He's so cute." Kathryn giggled.

Itachi sighed as he took in the mess left by his lover and the blond bomber. "I see Alice and Deidara were wrestling again."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Idiots."

Deidara swore quietly and ran from the workshop. He had been discovered and now he had to move. He ran to Kisame's room and ran under the bed before he noticed Alice was watching him in confusion.

"Deidara, get the fuck away. Kakuzu can sense your chakra. I don't want him to find me!" Alice hissed.

"You're expected to be in Kisame's room, un!" Deidara snapped. "He protects you all the time yeah!"

Alice paused before she realized he was right. "Fine. I'll go find somewhere else to hide. Don't fucking follow me."

"Whatever, yeah." Deidara grumbled.

Alice slipped from Kisame's room and ran through various hallways and other rooms until she reached the other side of the base. She ran up a flight of stairs and slid into another room.

Little did she know; this room was already occupied.

**First Person Alice!**

I paused when the familiar scent of blood greeted me as soon as I entered the room. I turned around slowly, to see a familiar symbol, etched into the floor with the blood of the person lying in the middle of said symbol. Said person, was muttering quiet words that I couldn't understand.

I paled. "Shit."

Magenta eyes opened and a silver haired head lifted off the floor. Those violent eyes flicked to the disturbance. Silver eyebrows narrowed dangerously.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing in here, you fucking bitch?"

I coughed guiltily. "Running away from your partner."

He glared at me.

"Look Hidan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'll go find you a sacrifice tomorrow. Just _please_ don't kill me." I whined. "Jashin-sama will forgive! We are his most devoted followers! He understands!" My eyes widened as Hidan violently ripped the pike from his chest and began getting up. His murderous glare never left me. "No Hidan, don't get up. No!"

I whipped around, ripped open the door and ran.

I fucking _flew_ through that base. Hidan was right behind me, showering me with blood and loud swearing and threats.

"KISAME!" I yelled. "Hidan's going to kill me!"

I sprinted by the kitchen and as soon as I passed the door, a heavy foot connected with Hidan's head, sending him into the wall across from the door.

"OUCH! FUCK!" Hidan shouted.

There's a Hidan shaped dent in the wall to add to mine and Deidara's.

I better _not_ be blamed for that one.

I kept running, mentally thanking whoever stopped him. However, I didn't remember that the zealot's partner was hunting for me too.

So, when I ran straight into a tall body with rock hard muscles and a powerful chest, I didn't think that said body was on the hunt for my blood too.

I looked up after moaning about the pain I was going through from basically running into a fucking wall and I paled at seeing the anger in Kakuzu's face.

"Um… Kakuzu?" I began. Then I remembered why I was being chased by Hidan in the first place. I had walked in on a ritual, because I was trying to find a hiding spot. And I was trying to find a spot to hide because Deidara took mine. Because he was trying to find a hiding spot and that was because we both made a mess in the hallway and the miser standing before me was pissed about the damage.

"Alice." He snarled.

"Why is everyone trying to kill me today?" I whined. I fell back onto the floor at Kakuzu's feet and curled into a ball. "Itachi!"

Kakuzu stared at me for a minute before sighing at my pathetic position. "Where is Deidara?"

"Kisame's room, under his bed." I said instantly. "I'll steal you money tomorrow." I promised. "Just don't kill me."

He blinked as he considered the deal. "Deal."

"I love you." I assured him.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and disappeared down a hallway, heading for Deidara.

Forgive me Deidara. But I am not a ninja.

"Alice."

I looked up from my fetal position on the floor in the middle of the hallway to see Itachi leaning against the wall on an intersecting hallway, watching me with amusement on his face. I rolled onto my stomach and army crawled over to him. He watched me with a raised eyebrow, questioning my sanity.

I grabbed his leg and clung to it. "Everyone is trying to kill me. I just saw my life flash before my eyes." I shook my head. "What a shitty movie…"

He patted my head sympathetically. "You walked in on Hidan's ritual, didn't you?"

"And fucking Kakuzu was dead set on ripping my face off until I sold Deidara out and promised him money." I added. "But yes, I did."

Itachi smiled at me gently. His eyes flicked down a hallway for a second before returning to me. "Stand up, Alice. You are vulnerable to Sable's upcoming attack on the floor."

I blinked and looked around until I saw a black shape running towards me at full speed. I yelped and essentially koala-climbed up Itachi's person and clung to him, just as Sable reached where I had been laying. She barked at me and Itachi playfully.

"Why is everyone out to get me today?" I whined, nuzzling Itachi's face.

"I have no intentions of hurting you." Itachi informed me. He picked Sable up to calm her and I let him go. He handed me a thoroughly calmed Sable and kissed my forehead. "And neither does Kisame, Sasori, or Kathryn."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, let me rephrase. Why is everyone who _could_ and _would_ hurt me out to get me today?"

"Sasori is not out to get you." Itachi repeated.

I pointed at him. "Yet. You know how his moods change all the damn time. He's almost as bad as I am."

"I heard that." Sasori snapped from behind me.

I yelped and hid behind Itachi. "Fuck. I just ruined that streak."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "You aren't worth the effort."

Kathryn giggled. "Momma, what are you doing?"

"I was just hunted by a bounty hunter and chased by a fucking psycho." I deadpanned as I set Sable down. "I am allowed to be suspicious of the other weirdoes in this base."

"Are you suspicious of me?" Kisame asked with a small pout.

I melted.

"Awe, no Kisame!" I zipped over to him and latched onto his person. "I love you too much to be suspicious of you."

He grinned and hugged me.

"Fucking bitch… deserves to die…" Hidan's angry voice said from behind Kisame.

I unsheathed my sword and pointed it at him. "Back! Back I say! Don't make me get a water bottle!"

"Shut the fuck up Alice." Hidan growled. "Fish-fuck won't let me hurt you. He's the one who kicked me in the fucking face earlier."

I blinked and hugged Kisame without looking away from Hidan. "Kisame, I owe you my life and soul."

Kisame snickered. "S'alright Alice."

"Alice, your life and soul are not yours to give." Itachi informed me.

Sasori nodded in agreement. "He's right. They're mine."

I laughed. "You lack the coolness and intelligence to own my life and soul, Loofa."

"It isn't much to own." He said dismissively. "All they do is play elevator music."

"And yours just have a toy monkey with symbols." I retorted. "And they drool. The stench is rank."

Sasori made to comment but he was interrupted

"HOLY SHIT UN!" Deidara screamed. "KAKUZU!"

"Wait for it." Sasori and I deadpanned in unison.

Three seconds later, Sasori and I gestured towards a hallway and Deidara came sprinting down it, running from threads and tentacles. Kakuzu marched out of the hallway after him a few moments later. Sable started barking and running around Kakuzu's feet and Deidara's biting their pants to make them stop.

"Kakuzu, I ask that you not kill my brat." Sasori sighed. "I don't feel like listening to Kathryn." Kathryn was being held back my Sasori lazily as she tried to run to Deidara and "protect him" from Kakuzu's assault.

Kakuzu paused in his hunt for Deidara and looked at Sasori. "He destroyed my base."

"So did Alice." Sasori countered, releasing Kathryn so she could mug Deidara with affection. Sable tripped Kathryn in her desire to stop Kathryn from running.

"Yeah, but she bribed me." Kakuzu said with a hint of guilt in his tone.

Deidara flopped to the ground as Kakuzu returned his threads to their rightful place inside his body. He sighed and rolled to his back so Kathryn could resuscitate him with her enthusiasm and kisses of love. She crawled over to him from the floor and smothered him. Sable joined in, licking the shit out of both of them.

"How did you find me, Kakuzu, un?" Deidara asked after a minute.

"Alice told me where you were." Kakuzu grunted.

Deidara glared at me. "Fuck you, Alice un!"

"I'm not a ninja!" I protested. "You can run away from him and defend yourself easily! I have to rely on others to do it for me!"

"That's not an excuse, hmm!" Deidara barked. "You're not supposed to sell out your partner in crime, un!"

"Yeah well your hair is too fucking yellow!" I snapped. "Bite me, Blondie!"

Deidara sat up before jumping to his feet. "Bring it on, skank un." Sable stood between us, barking at Deidara. She obviously doesn't like it when others yell at me.

"Did he just call me a skank?" I asked from Kisame's arms.

A few of them nodded. Kisame set me down at my polite request and I calmly turned towards Deidara after thanking my shark.

"You blond bimbo! I'll take all four of your fucking tongues, shove them up your ass, and fucking _braid_ them around your damn organs!" I snapped. I made to attack him, but was stopped by Itachi picking me up off the ground and cradling me to his person. He pressed his lips to mine with a gentle chuckle. I was effectively distracted.

On the other side of the hallway, Kathryn was occupying Deidara.

"Pathetic." Sasori sighed, rolling his eyes and walking away.

"Fucking pussies." Hidan grunted, following after Sasori. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and followed his partner. Kisame laughed, picked up Sable and went towards the kitchen.

The four of us continued to make out in the hallway, oblivious to the other couple and the rest of the occupants of the base.

Yeah…

We're a bit extreme.

Can you blame us?

* * *

_I can't bring myself to blame anyone who gets to touch Itachi Uchiha..._

_He is a fine piece of ass. So are the rest of the male Akatsuki members really..._

**_Fun Fact: _**_I am listening to Eminem right now... And I have a current obsession with E Nomine. No but really: It's storming where I live.  
_

Answer: _I am a severe misanthrope. I despise the human race for so many different reasons I can't even explain it. If I could, I'd kill everyone and I wouldn't lose a wink of sleep. Well... I wouldn't kill you guys because I love you:) But still. People are disgusting, selfish, untrustworthy garbage. I know some people would be like "Then that means you hate yourself. You're a human too." Yeah. I do hate myself for being such a flawed, negative being. But, at least I try. And I know what I'm talking about._

**QotC: **_Favorite beverage! Go! _

_And no. I am not a paid surveyor asking you guys these questions. But wouldn't it be awesome if I was?_

_Still in a bad mood. But for those of you who I owe oneshots too... I've written shit down for each of them and I will try to have them up by the end of the month... But some of you dedicated people who made me shit loads of stuff are going to have to wait just a tad bit longer because well... yours is going to take longer._

_Fucking cats! I just sneezed like six times and when I look towards my door, what do I see? My aunt's fucking cat. Damn thing..._

_I hung out with Kathryn today... We spent about an hour just sitting in her room, watching her fish. I got to name two of them. Her angel fish (who I was laughing my ass off at because of its swimming patterns) was named Herp Derp. Herp for short. And a little pink glow fish named Fredrickson. Yeah. Then we spent the next... hours watching TV and chatting. I haven't laughed that much in a while. Her little sister made me face palm more times than I can count... Sasori would have killed her.  
_

_And her cat made me sneeze about every ten seconds too. But he's so cute with his Hitler stache that I can't hate him. XD_

_So, I'm outty because this Authors note is too long._

_Bye._


	66. Chapter 66

_My brother turns 19 today:)_

_Happy birthday Jakie._

_Anywho, I own only Alice and Kathryn._

_Please excuse typos and stuff. I'm not in the mood to edit and someone is "hassling" me. She has been for the past two days._

_Love you~  
_

_Enjoy... If you can._

* * *

I sighed and rubbed my forehead as I walked alongside Kisame and Itachi through some forest. I had no idea where we were, but that wasn't really important to me. I didn't give a shit as long as I was with my weasel and shark.

Pein had sent us out on a mission earlier but I wasn't allowed to know the details because it was "classified". And because of my indifference for pretty much everything that didn't involve criminal murderers wearing black cloaks with red clouds on them, I did not give a damn about being kept out of the loop.

I couldn't read Japanese anyways.

"Are you alright, Alice?" Kisame wondered, touching my shoulder gently. He looked down at me with concern in his eyes.

I smiled. "Yeah Kisa. I'm fine. I just have another headache."

"You've been getting those a lot recently." Itachi commented. He nuzzled my cheek gently with his nose before kissing my temple. "I'll ask Konan to see if she can do anything about it. If not, Sasori will be able to make you something to help."

I waved him off. "I'm alright. I get these bastards all the time. Don't worry so much."

"You ask the impossible." Kisame and Itachi said in unison.

I laughed and hugged both of them. "I love you guys. So much."

Kisame rumpled my hair gently before kissing the top of my head. "We love you too, kiddo."

Itachi hned in agreement and stroked my cheek before taking my hand in his. His naturally colder temperature made me smile as my abnormally warm temperature rushed out to smother his.

"So, even though you guys aren't allowed to tell me what we're doing, can you at least tell me where we're going?" I wondered.

Kisame shook his head. "It would give too much away."

"You better _not_ be planning some sort of surprise or anything." I growled. "I'll beat the shit out of both of you if you are."

Itachi chuckled. "No. We're not. Due to the current stress in the Akatsuki, our Leader would not allow it. We have too much to do."

I nodded in relief. "Good to know."

Kisame stopped walking, his eyes narrowing and his body tensing. I paused and looked around at him, utterly confused as to why he was behaving as he was. Instantly, my paranoia kicked in and I looked around, searching for a threat.

Itachi obviously noticed whatever Kisame did and he tensed and fell into a battle stance, pushing me behind him. Kunai were in his hand instantly and Kisame and withdrawn Samehada from his back, both ninja prepared for attack.

"Guys?" I began. My question died on my lips as four very familiar, very unwelcome people emerged from the forest around us. Kakashi Hatake, Yamato, Might Gai, and fucking Jiraiya stepped up to challenge the Akatsuki.

"Holy shit." I gawked. I was utterly surprised by the team of extremely powerful ninja before me, but there was no mistaking them.

Itachi glared, his eyes narrowing dangerously at the Leaf-nin standing directly before him. Kakashi, the one receiving the glare, returned it with his own, falling into a stance, preparing to attack.

"It seems we've run into some luck." Jiraiya stated in an extremely serious voice as he looked over the three of us. I noticed his eyes were just a little south of my face, focusing on my chest area. "Two members of the Akatsuki walk right into our ambush and with them, they bring a very pretty girl who holds too much valuable information."

Kisame growled angrily. "You won't touch Alice."

I looked between my Akatsuki and our threats, fear tearing at my heart. There was no way, even with as powerful as Itachi and Kisame were, that they'd be able to handle this many elite Shinobi. Jiraiya alone would be difficult for them.

Itachi's Sharingan shifted into the Mangekyō and he readied himself to fight to the death. I could see him shaking slightly. Considering I was touching him, I could feel his slight fear at the upcoming, inevitable battle.

And Jashin, I shared it.

Itachi and Kisame are no match for these guys.

They were going to die. And I would be taken to Konoha for interrogation and possible torture. We were too far away from the base to call for back up in time and running was out of the question.

"Alice." Itachi whispered.

I closed my eyes and grabbed onto his cloak, internally begging Jashin, Pein, God, and all other gods and deities out there that they survived. I bit my lip and suppressed a horrified shudder. "Itachi."

He glanced back at me and stroked my cheek. "Alice."

I paled slightly at the desperation and hidden fear in his voice. His eyes, which usually were full of love and calm when looking at me, were filled with terror and desperation.

I wanted to die.

I couldn't take it.

There was no way I'd be able to handle Kisame and Itachi dying.

_Ever_.

"Itachi." Kisame began. "I'll hold them off. Take Alice… Take Alice and run."

I gawked. "Kisame."

"Don't argue. Do it." Kisame barked firmly.

Itachi's gaze flicked to his partner. His best friend. "Kisame…" He looked back at me only to find me staring at Kisame. "I can't do that. You wouldn't be able to stall them for it to make a difference."

"We can't just let them take her." Kisame growled.

"I'm aware Kisame." Itachi snapped. He looked at me before his gaze flicked to the Konoha ninjas. "Any chance of you letting Alice go?"

"None." Kakashi said with narrowed eyes.

I glared at him but kept silent.

"Let us do this." Gai began, directing his stance and attention towards Kisame. "We will take out this threat and bring Alice back to the village with us!"

"Gai-san is right." Yamato agreed.

"Now Naruto!" Kakashi barked, launching himself at Itachi.

I didn't have enough time to gasp before a blond ninja clad in orange and black, darted over to me, scooped me up, and dragged me away from the battle that erupted before me in an instant. I watched in horror as the love of my life and my closest friend battled our enemies.

"No." I whimpered. I didn't even fight Naruto as they fought. I just watched, my soul leaving me at every blow and jutsu that Kisame and Itachi were hit by.

Jutsu and attacks came from all around them as the four elite ninjas were joined by a few others. Lee, Neji, Sakura, Tenten, and Sai joined the fight, overwhelming the ones I loved by an unfair number.

I fell to my knees and gawked as Kakashi drove a kunai into Itachi's already bloody and wounded chest before slashing open his throat just as Jiraiya ended Kisame with one of his powerful jutsu.

Everything… seemed to happen in slow motion.

My two favorite people in the entire world were killed before my very eyes.

Kisame, my most devoted protector and closest friend fell to the ground slowly with a thump, Samehada dropping from his usually iron grip. It took him what seemed like years to fall.

Itachi, the love of my life in every form and meaning of the phrase, dropped to his knees before he tipped forward and met the now charred and bloodstained ground.

Itachi…

Kisame…

Both of them were dead. Both of them were gone.

I was alone.

I couldn't help the expression of panicked helplessness, confusion, and fucking pure _agony_ from finding its way onto my face. I couldn't help shaking, as if my entire body were about to give out. I couldn't help but be pale as a sheet even though the blood pooling in the dirt contrasted with my skin, made me look pale anyways.

I couldn't help the tears rolling out of my eyes as I silently died on the inside.

I watched Itachi desperately gulp for air as his blood poured out of his body. His black, slowly fading eyes, which were alight only with pain and fear, suddenly found me. Then, very slowly, as his body bled out, the light left his eyes, and he stopped moving.

I was the last thing Itachi ever saw.

Naruto, who had a restraining hand on my shoulder, knelt beside me to see why I wasn't responding to him, only to see what I'm certain was a completely horrifying expression.

They were gone.

I was left behind by the two most important people in my life. And I couldn't do anything but sit there and get soaked by their blood which was spreading towards me.

I couldn't help the pained sobs from escaping me.

"Alice." Someone said. I'm not sure who, and I didn't care at that point.

Nothing mattered to me.

Not now.

Was this misery? Was this agony? Loneliness? I couldn't put a name to some of these emotions. I had always had such control over myself with such emotions. Nothing… nothing could describe the _pain_ I felt. Nothing could ever stop my desire to just die at that very second.

I couldn't take it.

Pain coursed through my brain and I was ripped from my horror-induced trance. I looked around in shock, utterly confused as to what the hell just happened.

I was in my bedroom.

And Itachi was bent over me, looking utterly shocked and worried.

"Alice." He sighed in relief.

I stared at him, not noticing the tears that were already pouring from my eyes. I just shuddered and a sob escaped me.

"Alice." Itachi muttered. He pulled me off of the mattress and into his powerful arms, holding me close. "You're alright. It's okay. It was just a dream."

I wrapped my arms around him, tears quickly wetting his shirt as I basically sobbed my eyes out into his embrace. I clutched onto him, the image of him with his throat slit never leaving my mind.

I didn't understand the emotions coursing through me now. Relief obviously. But the others… no way. With being such an emotionally detached person all my life, I couldn't describe it in any ways other than it felt like my chest would cave in. I felt like my stomach was trying to jump out of my fucking mouth, and I was almost sure I would be happy to die right then and there. Fuck my body and mind for this cruel fucking joke.

My body wouldn't stop fucking shaking. Itachi was okay. He wasn't dead. His throat wasn't slashed. Kisame was fine and he wasn't dead in some Jashin-forsaken forest. I felt slight trembling from the body I was pressed against and I couldn't help but let all of my control slip.

Itachi was alive.

I wasn't alone.

**Third Person!**

"Alice." Itachi whispered. "You're okay." He rocked Alice gently, stroking her hair. He tightened his grip on the distraught girl to try and suppress her intense shaking and shuddering. "I'm here. You're alright."

"Itachi?" Kisame asked, looking extremely concerned and worried. "What…" None of them had ever seen Alice so… upset. She never cried or showed such vulnerability.

"I don't know, Kisame." Itachi said quietly, still working on soothing Alice. "Sasori, do you… do you have a sedative with you? She's not going to calm down any time soon." His voice was shaking slightly with fear. Alice was terrified and looked so helpless and shocked when she finally woke up. He didn't know what to do.

Sasori sighed, trying to calm his beating heart. "I can go get something for her." He placed his hand gently on Kathryn's shoulder. "I'll be back in a minute."

Kathryn nodded, her worried, fretting, and almost agonized gaze never left Alice. Concern for her best friend was the only thing she could focus on. For the first time in her life, she actually saw Alice break.

"Damn." Hidan sighed, rubbing his neck. "I don't think I've ever seen Alice in this state before." He crossed his arms. "She gonna be okay, Itachi?"

Itachi, who had his face buried into Alice's neck, glanced up at Hidan. "I don't know." He whispered. "She's never done this before."

Deidara, who was stroking Kathryn's hair, winced at the thought. "She'll be alright. Alice always pulls through, un."

Kakuzu frowned. He wanted to agree with Deidara, but Hidan's words were true as were Itachi's. He watch Alice as she basically curled up on herself, clutching onto Itachi as if she would shatter if she let go of him. Alice, for once, actually looked younger, like a small child. She looked her age; a young kid who had found a crutch with a group of murdering ninjas.

Tobi stood a few feet away with Sable in his arms beside Zetsu. Madara didn't have the desire to act like his hyperactive persona in such a tense situation. He was concerned for Alice's mental stability. He would not benefit at all if she cracked.

Zetsu was likewise concerned. His was a little more selfless than Madara's, but he also didn't want to deal with someone else who was just a shell of broken emotions. The base had enough crazy people in it. Alice was one of his only sources of sanity.

Sasori walked back into the room and quietly instructed Deidara to distract Kathryn before he injected Alice with a heavy sedative.

"There. She should calm down in a few minutes." Sasori said with a sigh. He hid the syringe quickly before Kathryn saw it and sat on the bed beside her.

Itachi slowed his rocking as Alice's shivering began to ease and her breathing calmed. He hugged her tighter regardless and showered her with gentle kisses. "Alice."

She shuddered.

"Alice, what in the world happened?" Itachi asked, resting the side of his head against hers seeing as she hadn't removed her face from his chest yet.

She tightened her grip on Itachi and a tremor shook her body as images of her weasel and shark dying flashed through her mind. She shook her head and suppressed a quiet whimper.

Kisame frowned at her reluctance. He didn't like the thought of anything that put Alice in such a condition. Concerned, he stroked her hair. "It's alright Alice. Whatever scared you just now was only a dream. Nothing more. Everything is alright."

One of Alice's hands snapped out and grabbed Kisame's hand before it could leave her. She pulled it closer to her person and held onto it as if her life depended on it.

"Sorry." She whispered.

Itachi frowned. "Alice, you have nothing to be sorry about."

She shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"Alice… what happened?" Kisame asked, holding her hand. He ran his thumb over her abnormally warm skin, trying to soothe her.

"Bad dream." She muttered.

"About?" Itachi prodded.

She shivered. "You and Kisame." She was silent for a moment. "Dying."

Sasori sighed. "It seems that current events are stressing her out more than she lets on."

"Do you blame her?" Hidan asked with a raised eyebrow. "She's seen us all fucking die and somehow, she was dubbed with the task of making sure it doesn't fucking happen."

"She is under a lot of pressure…" Kakuzu mused. "Not to mention, with how attached she is to all of us, especially Kisame and Itachi, I'm surprised she hasn't snapped completely yet. Anyone else her age in her situation would have by now."

Itachi looked at them before turning his attention back to Alice. "Alice, Kisame and I are not going anywhere. Neither of us is going to leave you. Ever."

Alice nodded shakily. "Kay."

"You need to calm down." Itachi continued in a soothing voice.

She sniffed and used the hand clutching Itachi's shirt to wipe at her eyes. She sighed and rested her forehead on Itachi's clavicle. "I'm tired. And I smell popcorn."

"How much of that sedative did you give her, Sasori? **I think you might have given her a bit too much…**" Zetsu stated.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Alice."

She grunted quietly to show she was listening.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"I… I don't know." She admitted. "I don't know what happened to me just now. My entire wall just completely fucking broke. I think I cried enough just now for the last nine years of my life."

"And here comes the Alice attitude, un." Deidara said with a chuckle. "I told you guys she'd pull through. She always does yeah."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "Shut up Deidara." He placed his hand on top of Alice's head, silently letting her know his relief that she wasn't going to… well… cry herself to death.

Alice sighed. "Now I remember why I hate crying…"

"Why?" Tobi asked.

"It gives me a fucking bitching migraine." Alice said, lifting her face away from Itachi to rub her forehead. She sniffed and looked up at him.

Itachi stroked her face, looking into her bloodshot eyes, flushed complexion, and puffy lids. He felt his heart pang at the sight of her sadness. But, even though she looked miserable, she still looked beautiful in his opinion.

"Sorry for crying all over your shirt." Alice told him. "I didn't mean to freak you guys out." She looked down. "It… it was all so real."

Itachi pulled her back to him after kissing her forehead. "I love you, Alice."

She looked up to kiss him back. "I love you too." When they pulled away from one another, Alice immediately looked to Kisame. "Come here."

Kisame chuckled and leaned in close enough to Alice so she could hug him with all of her sedated strength. He returned the gesture, internally relieved she wasn't freaking out anymore. None of them knew how to deal with a crying teenage girl.

Itachi was the only exception.

"Al." Kathryn began, crawling away from Deidara towards Alice.

"Yeah?" Alice looked around at Kathryn just a second before Kathryn jerked her into a back breaking hug.

"Don't you _ever_ scare me like that again." Kathryn snapped. "That means, you need to stop suppressing your emotions and stop fucking stressing yourself out so damn much." She placed her hands on either side of Alice's face when she pulled away and gave her a look. "I never want to see that expression on your face or Itachi's ever again."

Alice looked down. "I'm sorry."

Kathryn hugged her again. "It's okay. Just… please find someone to talk to if you're felling stressed or something. Share the load, okay? Even if it means forcing Hidan to eat rocks one day for dinner."

"You better fucking not." Hidan joked, grinning at Alice.

Alice smiled slightly. "Sorry guys."

"Tobi, give me Sable." Itachi said calmly, reaching for the wolf. Tobi handed over the puppy enthusiastically just before suffocating Alice with a hug.

Once Alice escaped Tobi's clutches, Itachi handed her the black bundle of fur and Alice instantly felt better. She hugged a very concerned and worried Sable, allowing the wolf to cover her with sloppy, loving kisses.

"Sorry girl. Didn't mean to scare you either." Alice sighed. She yawned a bit. "Why the fuck do I keep smelling popcorn?"

"I dunno." Zetsu admitted. "**Maybe you are insane.**"

Alice laughed. "Sasori, I think you gave me too much." She snickered. "Way too much."

Sasori frowned as Alice continued to snicker. "I'm leaving. Brats, bedtime."

"But Danna!" Kathryn protested.

"Bed." He repeated.

Deidara glared at him, clearly not liking the idea of being bossed around like a child by his partner. However, he thought better of snapping at the puppet master when he caught the look Sasori shot at him.

"Come on Dei." Kathryn pouted. She grabbed Deidara's hand, kissed Alice's cheek and said goodnight to the others before following Sasori out. Deidara took the chance while Kathryn was kissing Alice's cheek to rumple her hair gently.

Hidan and Kakuzu said their goodnight just before Zetsu and Tobi gave theirs, leaving Itachi, Alice, Sable, and Kisame all alone.

"I take it you're not letting me go?" Kisame asked.

"Never." Alice told him seriously.

Kisame shrugged and pulled her to his person, making himself comfortable. "Might as well get some sleep then."

Alice smiled at his antics and curled up against him, dragging Itachi to the mattress with her. Itachi chuckled and allowed her to cling to him as Kisame clung to her. He kissed Alice's forehead and settled down for the night himself.

Sable, the ever cuddly puppy, climbed on top of Alice and found herself a comfortable spot basically on top of Alice's head.

Alice smiled as she clutched onto her weasel and her shark. "I love you guys."

* * *

_Please don't hate me. Lol_

_You guys can thank _riptocs _for this chapter. I had this idea going for a while, but she totally inspired me to do it. Thank you:)_

**_Fun Fact: _**_Your statistical chance of being murdered is one in twenty thousand._

Answer: _Water. I do not drink carbonated beverages or anything with caffeine. My favorite other than water... would have to be chocolate milk._

**QotC:**_ Favorite candy?_

_Btw,_ midnightfoxshadow13, _please inform your brother that I take that as a compliment. And thank him for me:)_

_Thank you ALLLL for all of these wonderful reviews. I don't think I could possibly begin to tell you how much I appreciate it. I love you guys._

_For those of you who read Snatched, my cousin expressed an interest to try writing her own version of it. I told her to have at it. She isn't sure she's going to do it yet, but, I'm sure if you guys are wanting to read it, I could talk her into it. She's super awesome. And probably a better writer than myself. (I'm honestly not that good)._

_But, yeah. I also started potentially writing a Bleach Fanfiction. I won't be released or anything until this son of a bitch is over.  
_

_Yes I do realized I just called myself a bitch. It's true. XD_

_Haha, don't hate me because of this chapter.  
_

_Good day, lovelies.  
_


	67. Chapter 67

_Happy birthday Kakuzu! You sexy miser you!_

_Hahaha, I had so much fun with your reactions last chapterXD  
_

_The new chapta is here, ladies and gents._

_Enjoy it if you can. Don't worry. It's not tear worthy or anything._

_I do not own Naruto._

* * *

"So, when are we going to meet Sasuke?" I asked, looking at Pein. I was sitting inside his office with Itachi, my head resting on his shoulder. "You'll be fighting Jiraiya soon."

There wasn't anything I could do to stop Pein from killing the perverted Sage. He was set on the outcome of the battle. And well… Naruto needed to go learn Sage mode anyways.

I _loved_ Jiraiya very much. He had been one of my favorite characters. But shit happens.

It had to be done.

Besides, I tried to sway Pein, but he went off on some spiel about how he was God and that no one decided what was going to happen but him. Everyone would feel his pain through the death of his teacher and his wrath over the new world. He was Leader and he did what he wanted and blah, blah, blah.

I just left it at that.

I never want to have to listen to him rant and rave like that ever again.

It was so boring and slightly annoying.

But, it's good to know he's still insane with his God-complex.

Itachi and I discussed his rant together with the other members later that night and none of them were surprised that he went off on his tangent. Instead, they were surprised that he didn't do it around me more often. Most of them were slightly jealous of this fact. According to them, he went off on one during every meeting Kathryn and I didn't attend, whether it was about missions, inventory, finances, or tailed-beast sealing.

All of them were so used to it that they no longer interrupted him or anything on because he went all Leader on them and tried to kill them with his God speeches. I thought it was funny as hell, but I was internally thankful that Pein at least found some restraint whenever he was around me and Kathryn.

From what Konan said, Pein didn't rant in front of us because he figured we were too innocent and whatnot to comprehend the magnitude of what he was trying to spread around the world. Not to mention, both of them knew that I didn't give a damn about anyone else's opinion most of the time even if they raved about it for hours at a time.

"You will be departing with Itachi and Kisame soon." Pein stated. "If events are moving as they should, I should be fighting with Jiraiya-sensei within the next four days."

I nodded. "So, we should go in about two or three?"

"Indeed." Pein agreed. "Sasori and Deidara will be sent on a mission in a similar location soon after. They'll be leaving Kathryn with Kisame while you and Itachi confront Sasuke. Their mission dictates that Kathryn cannot accompany them. I would leave her here with Hidan and Kakuzu, but I would rather keep my base intact. They'll have their hands full with watching Sable as it is. I've asked Tobi and Zetsu to make sure she's fed though I doubt Kakuzu will forget."

I snickered and Itachi chuckled once.

"I've already explained to Deidara and Sasori that they are not to engage Sasuke in battle." Pein continued. "Kathryn will be with them long enough to ensure that they do not if they do engage him."

Itachi blinked. "So he will come straight to me with my direction. If things go according to plan, it should not take us long. Sasuke will either accompany us back, or return to the leaf village."

"I'm banking on him joining the Akatsuki." I added. "But that will mean his team will want to come too probably. I know at least one of them _needs_ to come with him. Jūgo needs Sasuke to keep his inner killer under control. Karin is infatuated with Sasuke to the point where I want to break her neck because of how annoying it is." I paused when Itachi chuckled. "And Suigetsu and Sasuke are as close to being friends as they can be with Sasuke's emo attitude. Suigetsu is loyal to Sasuke. Not to mention, he wants to fight Kisame."

Pein was quiet for a moment. "I welcome Sasuke regardless. He is a welcome addition. Though, if what you say about his teammates is true, they may join the Akatsuki as well. They will not be members of the organization, but they may stay here and act as allies." He entwined his fingers. "If they prove to be useless to the organization, I will dispose of them personally."

"Please kill Karin." I sighed. "She's so freaking annoying."

"Perhaps Hidan will do it." Itachi stated.

I smirked. "That will be fun to see." I paused. "But if she touches my criminals, she dies. Especially my weasel. I'll kill her myself."

Itachi kissed my forehead. "Come Alice; let's leave Leader-sama to his duties. We should being preparing for our departure."

"Fair enough." I stated. Pein and I did our nifty little handshake and exchanged a few twitches before I gave him a cheesy bow, bade him farewell and dragged my weasel from the office of pierced wonder.

I led Itachi back to our bedroom before letting him go so we could both begin gathering the things that we might need. I hooked both of my technological babies up to their chargers and gathered the clothes that I would be wearing on our mission. Itachi gathered his clothes and potential weapons.

Once I was done in the bedroom, I walked into the bathroom, gathering my serum and preparing a bag for both me and Itachi's toiletries. We wouldn't store those away until we left though. I'd rather brush my teeth every day than skip a few days.

I left the bathroom, doing a mental checklist of my shit before I noticed something that I could and would take advantage of. Itachi had discarded his shirt and he was lying on his back on the bed, his hand over his eyes as he muttered quietly to himself.

He did this sometimes when he was double checking things, so I knew he wasn't freaking out. And because he wasn't freaking out, I wouldn't feel guilty for disturbing him.

I snuck over to the bed and climbed on top of him, grabbing his arms and pinning them to the bed before I smirked victoriously as I dominated Itachi. Basically I was just straddling him with his hands held down. He could change that with a simple twitch.

Itachi's eyes opened and he looked into mine. "Alice?"

"Shh." I hushed him. I'm not sure why when his voice is a gift from Jashin, but I just wanted to look at him. He raised his eyebrow, a small smile playing on the corner of his lips as I kissed him. "Don't talk yet. I want to look at you."

He sighed as I grabbed the rope thingy I stole from Kathryn earlier this morning and tied his hands together. There was no way that would stop him, even for an instant. But he wouldn't break free until I let him because he's a gentleman.

Once I was satisfied that he wasn't going to grab me, I put my hands on his face. I kept them there for a time before moving them south, feeling his muscles ripple beneath my hands.

His eyes closed and he sighed as I essentially stroked his muscles. I smiled at his face and kissed him again, licking his lips to enjoy his taste. When I pulled away, he tried to follow me. He stopped when I snickered at him though.

"Alice." He whispered. He was pouting. Oh my Jashin.

It was _so_. Fucking. _Cute!_

"Be quiet." I whispered, kissing his nose. "Just let me look at you." I continued my memorization of Itachi's muscles until I couldn't take any more of just touching and looking at him.

"Mine." I said proudly, smiling down at him. "All mine." My hands paused on his pectorals and I leaned forward to capture his lips with my own.

Itachi's hands suddenly were free of his "binds" and I was beneath him in the next second. He held me close as he kissed me, not making it sexual.

Instead, he made it loving.

He poured all of his love into the kiss. He was relieved, almost thankful. I could feel his desire in the kiss, but it wasn't sexual. I think he just wanted me. That was exactly what I wanted too. I didn't want to go at it like rabbits. I just wanted to hold and love my weasel.

There was one other thing I felt in his kiss:

Fear.

"Itachi." I breathed as I hugged him, burying my face into his chest. "I love you."

He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me to his person. He kissed my forehead before burying his face into my hair. "I love you too." He kissed my head. "I truly am the luckiest person in the worlds."

"Likewise my friend." I smiled. I nuzzled him. "You're nervous."

He went silent for a moment before nodding quietly. "I don't know how to confront Sasuke."

"Just do exactly as we went over." I soothed, rubbing his back as I held him. "I'll be there to help you and make sure he believes you. It'll be just fine babe. Don't worry about it."

"That's easier said than done." Itachi whispered.

"I know." I nodded. "Just lay with me here. Maybe you'll relax a bit."

I heard sniffing and whining.

"Sable wishes to join us." I smiled.

He chuckled and let me go long enough to pick her up and set her on the bed. He set her in her usual spot and she attacked us both with love, licking the shit out of our faces. She licked Itachi and I smirked before copying her, licking the side of his face.

He stared at me, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Don't ask." I sighed.

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me again, kissing me. "I love you Alice."

"I love you too." I told him. "Sable told me she loves you."

He scratched her head, gaining her attention. "I love her as well."

I sighed and rolled onto my stomach, burying my face into my pillow when Itachi gave Sable a small, affectionate smile and she just wagged her tail happily. I couldn't handle the cuteness.

Itachi, taking advantage on my position, rolled over closer to me until he was right up on me. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer, burying his face into the crook of my neck and shoulder.

"Alice." He breathed.

I smiled. "Itachi."

He nuzzled my cheek before he began stroking my hair, running the thick locks through his fingers. I tensed up slightly out of habit of being paranoid, but quickly relaxed when he soothed me with a kiss.

We stayed like that for a time, just enjoying being with one another. However, I could _feel_ him worrying about future events. That had to stop.

"I know something we can do to get your mind off stuff." I stated, turning my head to look at him. "And no, it isn't sexual, get that look off your beautiful face you pervert."

Itachi smirked and kissed my forehead. "What did you have in mind my love?"

"Let's go train Sable." I stated. "I used to have dogs so I know what I'm doing. It'll be easy because she's so smart."

He shrugged. "It sounds interesting. Let's go."

I beamed and kissed him. "Yes!" I rolled out of the bed and picked up my puppy and set her on the floor. "To the indoor training grounds we go!" Itachi grabbed my hand and we led Sable to the training grounds to train her.

Yeah.

He left the room without a shirt. I'm not complaining. I like marveling at his smexy muscles.

I ordered him to stay there with her before hurrying to the kitchen to get some treats for her. Once I was satisfied with my supply, I ran back to them and skipped over to Itachi. "Okay, from experience, the easiest thing to teach them first is 'sit'. Surprise, surprise."

Itachi stood beside me, watching me as I crouched and taught our fuzzy baby commands. She learned "sit" easily and "paw" was probably her favorite because it gave her an excuse to slap someone.

See? She is my baby.

I taught her all of the basic commands and stuff, as well as a few other things that I'm sure would be helpful. Wolves are extremely smart.

Now, I didn't overload her with commands. We took all kinds of breaks and fun little stuff in between, but I did show her them. I'm not an idiot thinking she was going to know all of these immediately. It takes practice. I only introduced them to her.

Anyways, the highlights of the training were the breaks. She would chase me around the room and stuff while Itachi just kind of stood there, watching her chase me down. She tripped me a few times.

She's going to be an awesome hunter and shit.

She wouldn't be like… a ninja wolf because well, she wasn't bred for that. But, though it would be awesome, I don't think I like the thought of my puppy getting into fights with ninja… I don't even like Itachi to get into fights with other ninja.

She is my new baby.

* * *

Three days later and I find myself standing inside Sasori's room, trying to get the stubborn, lazy bastard to come with me to the training grounds.

Sasori stared at me. "What?"

"Don't give me that look. Come on! It's really cool. She's a better freaking ninja than you are!" I stated. "She attacks on command! I'll sick her on Hidan. It'll be fun. Please?"

He sighed and got up. "Fine. But only because I want to watch Hidan suffer."

"Yes!" I whooped. "Got him Kat!" I called. I led Sasori out of his room and to the indoor training grounds. Kathryn and Deidara joined us on the way there and we met Itachi and Kisame there along with Hidan and Kakuzu.

Sable was in there, chewing on a bone that Zetsu gave her.

I didn't even ask where he got it.

I'm 99% sure that I would regret knowing.

"Sable, come here girl." I whistled. Her head shot up and she ran over to me, barking and wagging her tail happily. "Good girl Sable." I praised, not bothering to restrain the quiet squeal about her cute adorableness.

They had to deal with it.

"What did you want to show us, un?" Deidara asked. His was arm around Kathryn's waist lazily because he totally was just a cocky teenager.

He had just got done ranting about art earlier to anyone who would listen. And, in order to gain just about everyone's attention, he blew up my fucking living room. So, I sent Kakuzu at him and I thoroughly enjoyed the arrogant son-of-a-bitch's punishment.

"I taught her how to attack on command." I said proudly. "Now, because she's so little, it's more of a playful thing and it only really started sticking today so she needs some work, but it's still cute as fuck."

"Do it." Kathryn encouraged. "I wanna see."

I smiled and pointed at Hidan. "Attack Sable!"

Sable looked around at Hidan and ran at him. She locked her teeth onto his ankle and started growling at him, trying to kill his leg.

"Ouch damn it!" He barked. "Get her the fuck off me!"

I laughed, as did Kisame, Kathryn, and Deidara. Kakuzu, Sasori, and Itachi chuckled at his expense. Smiling, I ran over to Sable. "Down Sable." She released him and I attacked her with praise. "You're such a good girl Sable! Here's a treat for you! You get that mean man. You're such a good puppy!"

She soaked up all of the praise. Licking my face in thanks.

"Awe, I don't want to leave my baby." I pouted. "Hidan, you better take good fucking care of my little girl. Or I'll sacrifice you to Jashin-sama. He has blessed this puppy. I did a mini fucking ritual for his protection for her and everything."

I really did. I killed a rat too. Stabbed it in the head with my sword when it ran across the floor and into the Jashinist symbol I made with my blood. Sable's wanted to keep it, but I didn't want her to get sick so I threw it out.

"She really did." Itachi said calmly. "I thought you attacked her when I saw all of the blood on the floor. I almost killed you until she told me what was going on."

I laughed, remembering how murderous and sexy Itachi looked when he saw me sitting in the bloody Jashinist circle with my arm bleeding like a bitch through the bandages and my puppy on my lap.

I honestly cut my arm on my sword but decided it would be a good time to kill for my Lord and Master Jashin-sama.

Hidan chuckled. "I'll take care of the little shit bitch, slow your roll."

I paused and looked at Kathryn. "Did he really just say that?"

"He's been playing on my phone a lot." She sighed.

"Hidan, you're so weird." I shook my head. He just laughed at me.

I spent some more time with my Sable and my idiots until Itachi and Kisame informed me it was time to go.

"Come on kid, we need to get going." Kisame advised.

"Yeah, I know." I pouted. I stood up and handed Hidan my baby before hugging the shit out of him, Kakuzu, Sasori, Deidara, and Kathryn. "Bye guys, we'll see you soon."

"Bye (un)." They called.

Kisame scooped me up and darted after Itachi as we sped from the base and out into the world. They traveled towards Fire Country, heading towards the abandoned Uchiha stronghold.

* * *

_See? No extreme death scenes. :)_

_... For now... *laughs evilly*_

**_Fun Fact: _**_Kakuzu's hobby is reading old books._

Answer: _I fucking hate sweets and candy._

**QotC: **_What is (would be) your weapon of choice? No magic or whatever. Like knives and guns and stuff. Swords, you know, physical weapons._

_I love you all, but I'm not in the mood for a long author's note, so forgive me, this is it._

_Toodles~~~_


	68. Chapter 68

_XD So this one is fairly short, so I'm updating early._

_Why?_

_Because I love you guys so much._

_Your reviews are amazing. And they make me super happyXD_

_I do not own Naruto. Enjoy._

* * *

"That thing is so badass." I whispered in awe. "We should make this our love nest Itachi."

He sighed and shook his head at my antics. "It my clan's abandoned stronghold, Alice."

"Oh I know that it is. That doesn't mean it ain't badass. And that doesn't mean I won't rape you when we get inside it." I informed him. "In fact, it makes me ten times more tempted too. But don't worry, we'll go somewhere private so Kisame doesn't have to watch."

Kisame snorted before chuckling. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." I smiled, hugging his neck.

"You're so strange." Itachi told me. "Why do you like this place?"

I scoffed. "Because the Uchiha are like the most badass clan out there. Duh. I thought it would be obvious by now that anything that has to do with you and the Sharingan instantly has my love." I smirked. "Plus, I bet it has killer security that can keep the conspiracy out of our way. There's a yard for Sable to play in too. See? It's perfect for a soon to be married/burdened by children family."

"The conspiracy?" Kisame asked.

"Alice is under the impression that you, Kathryn, Deidara, and Hidan all conspire together to interrupt us when we're alone together." Itachi stated.

Kisame laughed. "We do."

"See! I told you!" I pointed at my weasel. "I told you Itachi and you didn't believe me!"

"It's not so much that I didn't believe you. It's more along the lines of, how are we going to stop it even if it was true." He stated.

I paused. "Good point."

Itachi's eyes flicked to Kisame. "But, now that I know, you will stop, or I'll see to it that you suffer for 72 hours _daily_."

Kisame chuckled. "Fair enough."

"To the future love nest!" I pointed. I was more than eager to begin my raping of a smexy weasel.

Kisame rolled his eyes and set me down. "You and Itachi are going on ahead. I'm going to wait here and keep an eye out for Kathryn, Sasori, and Deidara. They should be here later and there's no telling when Sasuke and his friends will approach.

Itachi picked me up smoothly. "Come along Alice. We'll wait for Sasuke to come to us. Kisame, make sure only Sasuke comes. Alice and I wish to speak to him alone."

"If they act like they're gonna disobey orders, tell them I'll kick their ass. Sasuke comes alone or he doesn't come at all." I added. "And be careful Kisa."

He smirked and patted my head. "Got it. You two be careful as well. I'll pass on the orders and watch over Kathryn for Sasori and Deidara." He paused. "And… use protection."

Itachi gave him a deadpan expression as I laughed my ass off at what he said. He grinned at the two of us until I calmed down enough for a proper goodbye.

"Bye Kisa." I called as Itachi took off. I watched him wave at me before he disappeared as Itachi entered a throng of trees.

He ran with super ninja speed and skill until we found ourselves inside the big stone stronghold. I looked around at it, scrutinizing it carefully.

"Yes, this will do very nice for our love nest." I nodded, inspecting it.

Itachi chuckled and set me down so I could walk beside him. "Maybe." I hugged him and he kissed my forehead as we walked further into the building.

"Hey Itachi?" I asked after a while.

He glanced at me. "Yes Alice?"

"I love you." I told him. "So very much."

Itachi kissed me gently. "I love you as well Alice. More than anything." He nuzzled my face. "Thank you for being here with me."

"Of course babe. We'll get Sasuke." I promised. "And if not, then I'll knock him out and we'll chain him up in the basement so I can do dirty things to him when you're not looking.

Itachi just stared at me.

"Kidding." I smiled. He just rolled his eyes at me. "But seriously, we'll get him."

He just nodded quietly and led me into the throne room thingy that he and Sasuke meet in. He led me to the throne and he sat in it, pulling me onto his lap. I snuggled against him and pulled out my phone so I could prepare the videos.

I would be showing Sasuke the fight scenes as well as the facts and flashbacks of the entire ordeal of Itachi's death and the Uchiha massacre. Sasuke would know everything. I just had to get them all into one spot she he could watch it all.

Not hard when you know what you're doing.

Not hard when Kathryn pretty much did it for me.

This kind of stuff is what she's good at.

Not only would Sasuke get to see everything from the show, Itachi and I would be explaining the facts and situations to him in detail. I had proof, as did Itachi. All we needed to do was make sure Sasuke understood how much Itachi loved him.

Once that was accomplished, it was merely a matter of him either joining us or going to Konoha. I bet he comes back to the Akatsuki with us. We're more fun anyways.

Though I think he'll want to kill me when it's all said and done.

Another question. Would his team come too?

Jūgo will want to stay with Sasuke because of his killer inner. That much was obvious. Suigetsu wants to get the swords, so would he join and try and eat Kisame or would he just go out on his own to get the others. Karin would probably follow after Sasuke and the base full of sexy men.

However, they are my sexy men. She cannot have them. I share with Kathryn and Kathryn only. Karin will be eating a knuckle sandwich if she touches my Uchiha, my artists, my shark, my zombies, my plant, or my leaders.

Kathryn would help.

She hates Karin.

I jumped slightly when I felt something ghost over my neck. I looked around in a panic to see Itachi watching me with a smirk. I narrowed my eyes at his mischievous expression and raised my eyebrow.

"What are you doing?" I questioned skeptically.

"Kissing you." He replied smoothly. "You look so adorable when you're concentrating." He kissed my lips, licking my bottom lip teasingly.

I shivered. "So… if my calculations are correct, we could have as much as 24 hours of just sitting in here waiting for Sasuke. If I play it safe, I'd say we have about five hours at least before Sasuke meets up with Kisame."

Itachi smirked and moved his mouth to my neck. "That's enough."

"Why does my boyfriend have to be the sexiest person alive?" I whispered desperately. I heard Itachi chuckle as he allowed his hands to roam over my body.

I set my phone down on the arm of the throne, already finished setting everything up, and turned on his lap so I was straddling him. I untied his hair and unbuttoned his cloak so I could touch him. He smirked at me and brought me closer to his person.

* * *

"You're so freaking sexy." I sighed, resting my head on his collarbone. Itachi chuckled and ran his fingers up and down my spine, kissing my neck.

"You're beautiful." He whispered.

"Why can't this place have working showers?" I wondered quietly. He just smirked and kissed my shoulder.

He sighed after a while. "You should probably put your clothes back on."

"Yeah, if they're still intact you pervert." I growled. "You and your concealing cloak… You could be naked and no one would ever know."

He chuckled as I got off of him to put on my clothes that he threw about the room. "_You_ would know, Alice."

I paused, pulling on my shirt. "This is true." I stuck my tongue out at him and walked behind the throne to put my clothes on. I knew he was watching me like a pervert so I decided to be difficult.

"Alice." He sighed, shaking his head.

"Yes love?" I wondered, poking my head into his line of view now that I was dressed completely again.

He patted his cloak covered leg. "Come here."

I rolled my eyes but obeyed him, allowing him to pull me back onto his lap. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me, kissing me.

He was nervous. I could feel it in his kiss. Itachi was scared that Sasuke wouldn't believe us and he would be forced to hurt him. I poured my assurance and love into the kiss, trying to soothe him. He relaxed his locked jaw and squeezed me tighter.

"I love you Alice." He whispered.

I hugged him back, noticing his growing tension. "I love you too babe. It'll be okay, Itachi." We stayed like that for a while, until I needed to get up and move around because of back problems and he used that opportunity to send out some crow clones to monitor the area.

* * *

I bit my lip, watching Itachi sit in that throne thing, drumming his fingers nervously. It had been a while since one of his clones had been dispelled and he was just getting tenser as the moments went by.

He was so worried.

I walked over to him and pet him gently, attempting to soothe him. "Are you okay love?" I asked, sitting on the arm of the stone chair. I grabbed his hand that he was twitching and held it securely in mine before hugging him. "It'll be okay, Itachi."

He jumped slightly when I touched him but quickly composed himself. He allowed me to hug him, leaning into the gesture. "I know Alice. I'm alright."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, you showing emotion is definitely a sign that you're alright.

He looked at me. "What does that mean?"

I smiled and kissed his nose since he had his forehead protector on. "You're allowed to be nervous Itachi. This is going to be awkward. But I'll be here with you the entire time. Don't be scared okay? I'll make him believe you."

He sighed and pressed his forehead against mine, staring into my eyes. "Thank you Alice. I don't know what I would do without you."

"You'd die." I said with a frown. "If I wouldn't have come along, we wouldn't even be in this situation.

He paused, considering this. "This is true…" Then he smiled and kissed me. "I love you."

"And I love you." I assured him, returning his kiss. "More than anything."

**Third Person!**

"OUCH! JASHIN DAMN IT!" Hidan shouted.

Kakuzu sighed and looked across the table at his infuriated partner. "What is wrong now, moron?"

"That little shit just fucking bit me!" Hidan snapped, pointing at Sable who was sitting beside Kakuzu, wagging her tail and looking as innocent as could be.

"What did you do to her?" Kakuzu wondered.

"Nothing!" Hidan barked. "She's just got a habit of fucking biting me. She has ever since that crazy bitch Alice sent her after me a few days ago." He glared at Sable. "You little bitch."

Kakuzu sighed. "She's just a dog Hidan. She doesn't know any better." He patted Sable's head, enticing a happy bark and an affectionate lick from the puppy. "Besides, if you hurt her Alice will be pissed and Itachi will use it as an excuse to brutally murder you." He paused. "On second thought, hurt the dog."

Hidan glared. "Fuck you." He crossed his arms. "I don't feel like getting on the bitch's bad side anyways. She's bad enough without the Uchiha fucker."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes but said nothing in response.

Sable, who was suddenly not the center of attention, whimpered pathetically. She pawed Hidan's leg and looked up at him, her ears flat against her head looking small and adorable. She whimpered quietly.

Hidan stared at her. "Fucking dog." He picked Sable up and put her on his lap. "You're fucking lucky Alice loves you so Jashin damn much."

Sable licked his chin and thumped her tail contently.

"She must miss Alice." Kakuzu grunted.

"Of course she fucking does. That bitch never lets the poor thing go." Hidan scoffed. "I don't think a fucking day has gone by where Alice hasn't been all over this fucking puppy."

Kakuzu nodded, considering that. "She is obsessed."

"That's a fucking understatement." Hidan scoffed. He pet Sable and smirked at her. "You like be better than that stupid bitch anyways. Her and her fucking annoying ass Uchiha. They only thing she's good for is making me food and giving me something to look at." He swore as Sable growled and bit his throat.

"OUCH!" Hidan shouted.

Sable jumped off his lap and stood beside Kakuzu, barking and snarling at him.

Kakuzu chuckled. "I don't think she agrees with you, Hidan."

"FUCK YOU KAKUZU AND THAT LITTLE DOG TOO!" Hidan howled.

Following his example, Sable threw back her head and howled too.

Kakuzu rubbed his temples at the loud noises that would soon be the cause of a killer migraine. "I hate everyone."

* * *

_Ah, Sable is cute. I want her._

_**Fun Fact:** Turtles can breathe through their butts. (HAHAHAH!) I don't know why that's funny but it is._

Answer: _I __fucking __want Santa Teresa. Nnoitra's weapon. Oh my Jashin that thing makes me happy. A real weapon though... I want a scythe. Or like a fucking claymore and/or broadsword._

**QotC: **_I don't remember have my damn questions... So I'll probably end up repeating them at some point... Uh... I don't know. Favorite... Vehicle? Yeah. What would be your vehicle of choice. Anything._

_My dad keeps texting me. And he's using texting lingo. It's really starting to annoy me. Oh well... What can you do?_

_I love all of you. Dearly._

_But, I'm going._

_Bye bye now~_


	69. Chapter 69

_69 Chapters..._

_I cannot be blamed for dirty thoughts._

_But I can be blamed because this is a shitty chapter._

_So, enjoy. I do not own Naruto._**  
**

* * *

**Third Person!**

Kisame looked around as four chakra signatures began heading in his direction. He glanced around over his shoulder at his companion and grinned. "Ready to go Kathryn?"

Sasori and Deidara had dropped Kathryn off a few hours previously. She and Kisame were now sitting around in the ruins of some older building, waiting for Sasuke and his team to come their way. Now was that time.

She smiled. "Yep! Come on Kisame!" She said cheerfully jumping into his arms a second later. Kisame caught her easily and with a smirk he charged in the direction of the approaching chakra, knowing it was Sasuke and his team.

Kisame grinned when he saw them. He leapt onto a pole directly in their path, spinning around a few times before gaining control of his momentum so he could perch on the top of it. He adjusted Kathryn in his grasp so he was holding her in one arm.

"You're…" Suigetsu began.

Kisame smiled at them, resting Samehada on his shoulder. "Sasuke, if you would, please continue by yourself. It's Itachi's orders." He smiled. "And Alice's of course."

Kathryn waved. "Hi Sasuke! It's nice to see you again!"

Sasuke stared at her before dipping his head in slight greeting. "Kathryn."

Kisame smiled at Kathryn's friendliness and addressed Sasuke's team. "The rest of you, please wait here."

"No problem." Sasuke stated. "The only reason I formed this team was to prevent any outside intervention. This works out well."

Karin looked at Sasuke. "Sasuke! You can't! Let's kick this guy's ass and go on together."

Kathryn frowned, truly wishing to punch her own teeth out at the sight of Karin. "Oi! Bitch. Leave Sasuke alone. And if you even think about touching Kisame, Alice will totally skin your ass. So will I."

Kisame snickered. "Kathryn, don't antagonize people.

"Sorry Kisame." Kathryn grinned, blocking out the annoying redhead in favor of the handsome shark-man holding her.

Kisame chuckled and turned back to Karin. "I'm not really in the mood for a fight, but if you insist, I won't go easy on you."

"Karin, stay out of this. This is _my_ revenge." Sasuke snapped without looking at her. And with that he departed towards the Uchiha hideout.

"Bye Sasuke!" Kathryn called, waving over Kisame's shoulder. "He's less social than Itachi is." She giggled.

Kisame chuckled and grinned in agreement. "You've got that right."

**First Person Alice!**

"Itachi, you're doing it again." I said with a smile.

He broke out of his trance and saw that he was drumming his finger erratically on the throne again. He moved his hand away from the arm of the seat and looked at me. "Sorry about that Alice."

I walked to him from where I was inspecting the room boredly. Itachi watched me approach, his eyes never leaving mine as I reached him and bent closer to him. I kissed him, frowning at the nervousness I felt as I tried to soothe the uneasy Uchiha.

"It's alright." I soothed, putting my hands on either side of his face gently. "I'm here."

He sighed and pulled me onto his lap. He nuzzled my face, wrapping his arms around my waist. "What if this doesn't work Alice?"

"It_ will_ work, Itachi." I assured him. "All we have to do is tell him the truth. And I'm going to be here to help you. Everything is going to be just fine." I stroked his silky hair gently.

He relaxed under my stroking and rested his head on my shoulder, squeezing me with a sigh. I rested my head on top of his and continued my task of petting him.

We sat like this for a time, and he started to actually relax.

But something always has to ruin me and Itachi's alone time.

Itachi suddenly tensed and his eyes snapped open.

"Sasuke?" I wondered, opening my eyes and looking down at him.

He nodded quietly.

"Alright." I kissed him. "I'll be right here." I got off of his lap and sat on the arm of the chair, leaning against the back of it. Itachi glanced at me and nodded before making himself comfortable.

I waited silently until I heard the unmistakable noise of footsteps approaching. I watched Itachi, noticing that his middle finger twitched at every step Sasuke took as he got closer and closer to us. My eyes narrowed at the doorway when I saw his shadow.

Itachi's eyes opened as Sasuke entered the room and he gazed at his little brother without emotion. Sasuke's gaze attempted to burn a hole in Itachi until he noticed I was there and his Sharingan flicked to me for an instant.

"What do you see with that Sharingan of yours, Otouto?" Itachi asked.

Sasuke frowned. "I see your death."

"Is that so?" Itachi wondered. "Tell me Sasuke, would you be up to having a talk with me? Shall I tell you the real story behind my actions all those years ago? I'm certain you would be interested. You're not a child anymore. It is now something you could understand."

Sasuke's frowned deepened at Itachi's words and I saw confusion flicker across his face. "What are you talking about?"

"Just hear what he has to say, Sasuke." I stated. "You'll regret it if you don't. Trust me."

His eyes flicked to me. "How do you know?" His beautiful red orbs narrowed dangerously. "You don't know me."

"I do though." I smiled. "I know everything about you, Sasuke. I'm essentially a stalker." I winked at him. "And I mean that in the creepiest way I can."

"Alice possesses knowledge that would make your head spin, little brother." Itachi informed him. "She comes from a land much different than ours. And she has an ability that allows her to know the past, present, and future of everyone you and I know."

Sasuke looked at me, hiding the shock he felt very well. "How is that possible?"

"He's telling you the truth. You should be able to tell that with your Sharingan, Sasuke." I sighed. "How do you think I knew so much about you when you kidnapped Kathryn and I? I knew you even before I knew Itachi. So please Sasuke, just hear Itachi out. You won't be sorry." I closed my eyes. "And I promise that you will regret it if you don't listen to him."

Sasuke was silent for a long time, obviously having an internal battle. Finally, after what felt like an hour, he looked to Itachi. "You're not going to try anything are you?"

"Of course not. I would never stoop so low." Itachi said calmly. I heard a tint of offense in his voice. As if, he was appalled that Sasuke would accuse him of something like that.

"Alright. Spill it. I want to finish this." Sasuke stated with some bite to his tone.

Itachi glanced at me and I smiled at him, stroking his cheek gently before gesturing at Sasuke for him to continue. Since he was Sasuke's brother and not some outsider like me, it would be better for him to explain as much as he could to Sasuke with my knowledge as proof. If he truly wanted Sasuke to forgive him, Itachi had to gain Sasuke's trust with as little of my help as possible. He alone could sway Sasuke. Even though Sasuke "hated" his older brother, there would always be that brotherly bond, no matter how hard they tried to smother it.

"I never intended on telling you any of this, little brother. However, after I met Alice and I became aware of the future after our final battle, I decided to change the turn of the tide." He looked at his little brother. "Sasuke, I am not who you think I am."

"You said something similar before." Sasuke growled. Itachi bit his lower lip. Knowing he need some help, I cut in. Normally Itachi was so confident and strong willed. However… this was the little brother who he tortured that we were talking about. He was justified in being a bit nervous and unsure.

"And this time, he actually means it." I interrupted. "He told you long ago to hate him and detest him solely so you would grow up and get as strong as you could so you could defeat him. Itachi has planned since long before he killed your clan to die by your hand."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed, covering up the shocked intake of breath he pulled. "What?"

"Itachi had always intended for you to defeat him in your final battle so you would develop the Mangekyō Sharingan. He was willing to give up his life for you so you could gain the eternal Mangekyō Sharingan by giving up his eyes to you." I continued. "He traded his pride for disgrace and your love for your hatred. All of this, from the massacre of your clan to the conversation we are having now, was all done for you."

Sasuke glared as his entire body tensed. "That's a lie."

"No it isn't Sasuke." Itachi said calmly, his voice gaining the necessary firmness that demanded understanding and believing. "I fully intended for you to kill me in this final battle. I extended my life with medication because I had a deathly sickness. I stayed alive after all this time just so you could finally kill me. Until I met Alice."

He glanced at me. "After meeting Alice, my sickness has disappeared. I no longer have the symptoms or attacks. After meeting Alice, I came to love her. I couldn't leave her if I tried, Sasuke. She's done more for me than you could ever know. She is the reason I decided to change the future." Itachi sighed. "Alice showed me what became of you after our final battle, and it is exactly what I didn't want for you Sasuke. You become something that no one could recognize: A monster, fueled only by hatred and revenge. I would give up almost anything to prevent that from happening, little brother."

"How do you expect me to believe something like that? After everything you did, how can you expect me to believe your lies?" Sasuke demanded. "You killed our family and left me in Konoha to die. You've joined a group of murderers and liars!"

"I left you in Konoha because Konoha was safe, Sasuke. I could not bring you with me to the Akatsuki because you were a child. And, my former plans completely and utterly went against that. You would have been targeted the second the other members saw you." Itachi stated. "As for why I joined the Akatsuki, I joined this gang of mercenary S-ranked criminal ninjas in order to keep an eye on them and ultimately protect you and our village." Itachi closed his eyes. "I killed our clan, to allow the Uchiha to keep their pride and honor. I killed our clan because I chose the _least_ evil of all other evils."

"Lies." Sasuke hissed. His voice had been reduced to a shocked whisper of disbelief as he glared at his older brother half-heartedly.

I smiled, noticing he was starting to question himself. "I can show you proof Sasuke."

"How?" He questioned, the anger left in his voice fading swiftly.

"By showing you the method I use to know everything about you." I told him. I withdrew my phone from my pocket and showed it to him. "It won't take long to show you." I put my hand gently on Itachi's shoulder. "How about it, Sasuke? Would you like to learn the truth about your older brother? The truth about everything."

Sasuke stared at us. "Why did you do it then, Itachi?"

"To stop a war from breaking out." Itachi explained. "I was ordered by the Konoha elders and the third Hokage to destroy our clan because they were planning on rebelling against the village. A war was inevitable, Sasuke. I had no choice. If someone else would have done it, they would have killed you as well. And the Uchiha name would have been tarnished. As an Uchiha and your elder brother, I could not let that happen."

Sasuke gawked at him. "Impossible."

"No it isn't Sasuke." I stated. I got up. "Let me show you."

He blinked and allowed me to approach him. I saw Itachi tense as I left his side. I looked back at him and gave him a smile. "It's okay Itachi. Sasuke won't hurt me. Will you Sasuke?"

Sasuke shook his head, giving me a blank expression. "You're not a threat."

"See?" I stated. I approached Sasuke and handed him the headphones. "If you don't trust me to put these in, you don't have to wear them. But it will increase the sound quality."

He took them from me and inspected them curiously. "What are they?"

"They're called headphones. They're not dangerous or anything. Here, watch." I took one from him and put it in my ear. "See? No harm done. Though, I don't know how loud the volume is so give me a sec."

He watched me closely; his eyes darted from me to Itachi though, just to make sure Itachi stayed where he was. "He's not going to do anything to you Sasuke." I assured him.

Sasuke frowned. "I don't trust him."

"That's understandable I suppose." I looked at Sasuke and handed him the headphones again. "Here. I don't want to watch it." I offered him the device of wonders.

"Why?" He asked, suddenly curious and suspicious.

"Because I'm not a fan of watching Itachi die." I told him. My voice broke slightly at the thought. He seemed to notice this because his frown disappeared.

His eyes widened slightly and he looked back at the phone. I pressed play for him and stood beside him as he watched the clips revealing the truth about the massacre and Itachi's last words to him.

When it was over his eyes were wide and his mouth was agape in shock. "How…"

I didn't blame him.

It was a lot to absorb all at once.

Poor kid.

I took the device from him after carefully removing the headphones. I wrapped my arms around him in a hug. He relaxed slightly into the embrace, but he was shaking. Whether from shock, sadness, misplaced anger or some other emotion, I didn't know. "Itachi loves you more than anything Sasuke. If he wouldn't have met me, you would have killed him without knowing the truth. And you would have turned into something horrible once you discovered the secrets Itachi tried so hard to hide from you."

I released him, my hand still on his shoulder. "I'm sorry to throw all of this on you so quickly, but I know how much you mean to Itachi, and I promised I'd help him talk to you and help you learn the truth. I know it's a lot to bear Sasuke. But believe me, it's the truth about your brother. It's the truth about everything. Itachi loves you and he cares for you. Know that."

Sasuke looked away from me when I patted his arm and let him go. He looked at his brother. "Itachi…"

Itachi silently rose from the throne and walked down to us. He paused a decent distance from his baby brother and stared at Sasuke, unmatched, brotherly love apparent in every pore of his face. "I'm sorry Otouto. For everything."

I smiled and took a step back to let them have a moment.

A tear slipped down Sasuke's cheek and he continued to stare at Itachi who smiled gently at him and poked him in the forehead. Sasuke shuddered at the gesture and hugged Itachi, throwing his arms around his brother's waist. Itachi looked shocked for a moment but returned the gesture, resting his head on Sasuke's as he soothed his brother's messy duck hair.

"You two are so cute." I grinned. "I can't take the brotherly love. It's way too adorable."

Itachi chuckled and opened his eyes to look at me with a happy smile. "Alice, your sarcasm is ruining the moment."

"Yeah, I know." I sighed dismissively in defeat. "Sorry about that."

Sasuke pulled away from Itachi and looked at me. "So when you said that I knew nothing, I guess you weren't exaggerating." He looked down. "I was blind to your words."

I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. "Yeah. Sorry about the bitchy attitude back then. You gave me a migraine and I really hate Kabuto. Orochimaru pisses me off too."

"Why do you hate Kabuto? He doesn't do anything other than follow Orochimaru around." Sasuke inquired.

I frowned. "Don't even get me started on my reason for hating him. It isn't pretty. Not to mention, the reason I hate him would make you just as sick as it makes me."

Itachi chuckled. "When she gets into her rants, she never stops."

"I know." Sasuke deadpanned, remembering my tantrums. "So? What happens now?"

"Now? We go and get Kathryn and Kisame and your team if you want them." I stated. "I personally want to pet Jūgo." I smiled when they both raised their eyebrows at me. "Then we go meet up with Pein back home."

Sasuke looked confused.

"He already knows about all of this." I stated. "I already convinced him to let you join the Akatsuki if you wanted to. Do you want to or do you want to go back to Konoha?"

Sasuke went silent, his eyes narrowing angrily. "I don't want to go back to the place that destroyed our lives."

Itachi put his hand on Sasuke's head. "Foolish little brother."

"I love it!" I said cheerfully, hugging myself. "Alright, we need to get Kisame because I'll be mugging you both if he's not here to hold me back. Plus, I want to go home so I can cuddle with my baby and my weasel."

Itachi smiled his gorgeous smile. He was so happy to have Sasuke back in his life. He had his baby brother back. His smile was fully justified.

It was adorable.

"You know, I'm genuinely surprised by how well that went." I commented, smirking at Itachi and Sasuke.

Sasuke raised his eyebrows at me. "What do you mean?"

"I expected you to be difficult and not believe us. I was prepared to force you into submission even if I had to shave your hair off. You Uchiha are stubborn." I smiled. He rolled his eyes at me. "But as always, you Uchiha are also full of surprises."

"Come." Itachi chuckled, kissing my cheek. "We must gather Kisame and Kathryn." He looked at Sasuke. "Do you wish for your team to accompany us?"

Sasuke shrugged. "I don't care what they do."

"I want Jūgo." I stated. "So I think you should bring two of them. I mean, they are really loyal to you. If I wouldn't have fucked up the future, the others would have proved their loyalty by risking their lives for you. But, I'm not going to complain if you leave Karin behind."

Sasuke managed to look slightly impressed. "I'm guessing this has something to do with your strange ability?"

"Yeah. Let's go with that." I shrugged. "COME! We go to Kisame!"

Itachi chuckled and picked me up. He glanced at his brother. "Follow me, Sasuke."

Sasuke nodded. "Alright."

* * *

_Awe! YaY! Brotherly love! It's so cute._

_Sorry for the lateish update (NOT REALLY LATE AT ALL). I was getting my hair cutXD It is now to my waist and I got like... 6 inches cut off. And my "bangs" are now to my chin. So, yeah... still not short at all. But the chick cutting my hair flipped out because I was wearing a Zelda shirt._

**_Fun Fact: _**_When I typed out fun fact just now, I misspelled fun and wrote fuck instead so Fuck Fact... lol. But seriously: Even a small amount of alcohol placed on a scorpion will make it go crazy and sting itself to death. So if you're ever threatened by Sasori, just throw a beer at him. XD_

Answer: _In all honesty, I just want a Hummer. I'd also like to have the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. And... The Millenium Falcon or like... A Star Destroyer from Star Wars because that would be kickass._

**QotC:** _What question would you ask if you could ask a question? lol... I'm running out of questions! Leave me alone!  
_

_Lia, I want you to know that I appreciate your helpXD. It never offends me when people suggest stuff. Hell, half the time I ask for it._

_Guys, the long ass reviews and rants make me laugh. I enjoy them so much. Though, _Tori-da-Mutt_ holds the cake (though the cake is a lie) for the longest reviews I've ever seen._

_All of you are amazing and all of these amazing reviews make me so happy. I love you guys._

_I'm going_.

_Toodles:D_


	70. Chapter 70

_70 freaking chapters. Do you realize how ridiculous this is?_

_I don't even know what to do with myself at this point. *Sigh*_

_Well, enjoy because I don't feel like editing the errors._

_I do own Naruto. Because I am Kishimoto. Didn't you guys know that?_

* * *

"You do realize I'm going to be treating Sasuke like he's a pet now right?" I asked Itachi as we sped towards Kisame and Kathryn. I heard him chuckle, the deep vibrations of the action causing me to shiver.

_Why_ does he have to be so sexy? Why Jashin-sama? Why?

He kissed my temple. "I expected as much."

"I can see it now." I mused, snickering at the mental images playing in my head. "I annoy the shit out of our dearest little Sasuke. And you, having to prevent him from killing me."

"I think he'll be about as responsive as Sasori at most." Itachi commented.

I nodded considering. "Yeah. I think you're right. Awesome! More stoic people!" I threw my hands up in the air for emphasis, gaining the attention of weasel's brother.

Sasuke increased his pace so he was running beside us, raising his eyebrow at me, looking slightly disturbed and confused. "What are you doing?"

I grinned at him evilly. "Don't worry about it."

He looked at Itachi who shook his head. "You will do well to learn not to question what Alice does, Sasuke."

Itachi knows how it is.

"KISAME!" I shouted, pointing at said shark as we approached him at high ninja speeds.

Kisame turned around, shouldering Samehada. He grinned when he saw us running towards them. "Hey Alice. Itachi."

"My bitch!" I announced, seeing Kathryn edging closer to Jūgo to poke him.

She threw her hands up in the air and tackle hugged me when Itachi set me down, completely forgetting about her quest to poke the giant ginger.

Her attention span is both insulting and impressive.

"She's in a weird mood." Kisame chuckled, watching me catch Kathryn.

Itachi shrugged. "I have no idea."

"Bitch, I have more Sharingan!" I told Kathryn, ignoring two of the loves of my life. I gestured in Sasuke's direction for emphasis. "My fetish is being fed." She just started cracking up laughing, hugging me considering I was holding her bridal style.

"That is disturbing." Kisame muttered as I put Kathryn down.

I winked at him. "I have room for shark men too."

He laughed and shook his head. "You're a nut."

My attention snapped to Jūgo, Suigetsu, and Karin. "Must poke the tall ginger..." I darted over to Jūgo and looked up at him. "May I pet you?"

He raised his eyebrow at me, looking awkward.

"Just let her, Jūgo." Sasuke stated. "She won't do anything to you."

"That's what you think." I hissed before making a face at him and turning back to Jūgo to beam at him reassuringly. I patted his awesome hair. "It's not as awesome as Pein's, but I like it." I smiled at him. "It's very nice to meet you Jūgo. I'm Alice, Itachi's master. I'm the mastermind behind these shenanigans."

Itachi raised a perfect eyebrow. "Master?"

"Just go with it." I stage-whispered. He just chuckled and shook his head at my antics.

"I DECLARE SHENANIGANS!" Kathryn shouted, her hands flying into the air in excitement. She's such a goofball.

"We leave her in your care for the majority of a day, and she's still annoying." A dull voice said from behind us. Kathryn's eyes widened and she wheeled around in a single instant.

"DANNA! I MISSED YOU!" She screamed, jumping at him. He caught her with a sigh and a small chuckle. He patted her head as she clung to him.

"Brat." He said calmly. "Annoy your boyfriend. Not me."

Kathryn dropped from him to suck face with a Deidara that appeared on the scene.

I shook my head at their antics before turning to Suigetsu and Karin. "Hello you two. I'm Alice." I pointed at Karin. "You're an obsessive annoyance, but as long as you keep your hands off my Uchiha and/or murderers, I'll be fine with you." I smiled at Suigetsu. "I like you and your spiky teeth because you remind me of my shark."

"As always, her straight forward personality is impressive." Sasori chuckled.

"I missed you too Scorpion." I said, shooting him a wink.

Karin blinked and looked at me. "Who are you, exactly?"

I mocked shock. "Bitch, I'm Alice. Everyone with at least the IQ of 2 knows who I am."

"I don't." She said calmly.

"What does that tell you?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at her.

She huffed. "You're rude."

"Yes. But I also get more ass than a toilet seat because of my rudeness." I countered. "Most of that ass is sexy criminals."

Suigetsu started laughing along with Kathryn, Deidara, and Kisame while the others just stared at me like I was mentally insane.

Have they learned nothing?

"Hey Kisame?" I called.

"Yeah?" He asked from Itachi's side.

"I need a hug." I told him. "A Kisame-hug."

He chuckled and rolled his eyes at me. "You're always the same Alice."

"Would you rather me be different?" I asked, pouting innocently. I think him and Itachi both gulped at my expression.

"Yes." Sasori stated.

I flipped him off without even looking at him and darted over to Kisame. I hugged him and he picked me off the ground in a proper Kisame-hug. "No I wouldn't kid. I like you just the way you are."

Awe, he's such a sweetheart.

This is why I love Kisame.

Sasuke looked at Itachi as Kisame and I hugged. "Where did you find her?"

"Correction, I found them!" I threw over Kisame's shoulder, still hugging him.

"It is a long story." Itachi told him calmly. "Once we return to the base, I will tell you the full story. It will be hard for you to understand."

"We'll explain in detail!" I added. "That way I can see some emotions."

Sasuke raised his eyebrow at me. "What?"

I smirked. "There are some… interesting parts to the story."

"I'm not sure I want to know." He stated.

"You don't." Sasori deadpanned. "Alright Itachi, Kisame, brats, we have to return to the base. We should get going now because it will take some time for us to get there. Not to mention, we have Konoha Shinobi heading in this direction."

I raised my eyebrow. "How do _you_ know, Sasori?"

"I can sense them." He stated.

"I'm impressed." I complimented. "You can't read, but you can sense ninja."

He frowned. "I'll kill you."

"No you won't~." I sang. I looked at Itachi. "So are you or Kisame carrying me?"

"I am." Kisame smirked. And with that he swung me around to his back, adjusting Samehada so I could sit on it. I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"My Bruce." I cooed, nuzzling him and purring like a cat. Everyone except for Kathryn raised their eyebrows at me. Kisame just chuckle and shook his head at me.

"Are the three of you coming?" Itachi asked, looking at Jūgo, Karin, and Suigetsu.

Jūgo nodded. "I will remain with Sasuke."

"Awe, he's so dedicated." I pouted. "It's sweet. You better be nice to him Sasuke. Like Kimimaro nice to him. Or I'll bind you with that silly bow around your waist and do dirty things to you."

Jūgo looked shocked that I knew the bone dude but I just smiled at him.

Everyone else stared at me for my comment towards Sasuke. Kathryn was laughing and Sasori was face-palming.

I'm getting stared at _a lot_ today. Maybe I should tone it down a bit…

But I love making Sasori glare and face-palm.

"I'll come." Suigetsu shrugged, giving me an amused yet uncertain look over.

Karin pushed her glasses up. "I guess I'll come as well."

"Yippy!" Kathryn stated, shooting a glare in Karin's direction. "Now let's go. I want to annoy the shit out of Hidan."

I gasped in horror as something came to mind. "Guys, we have to get home now. My baby is in Hidan's care! HURRY! MY BABY NEEDS ME!"

Itachi chuckled. "Sable will be just fine, Alice."

I gave him a look. "You don't know that."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Enough, let's just go."

* * *

"So this is Sasuke?" Pein asked as Itachi, Sasuke, Jūgo, Suigetsu, Karin, and I stood in his office.

"Yes sir." Itachi said respectfully, bowing his head slightly.

Pein looked at me and I smirked at him. His eye twitched and I cracked the knuckle of my index finger on my right hand in response. He smiled slightly and nodded.

"I see." His eyes drifted over Sasuke's team before lingering on Sasuke once more. "Are the four of you prepared to risk your life for the goals of Akatsuki?"

Sasuke and his team nodded. "Yes."

"And are you prepared to obey every order I give you?" Pein asked. "As Leader of this organization and God of the new world, my word is _law_."

"Yes." They said in unison. I noticed slight confusion in their expressions, but they hid it well. Thankfully.

Pein nodded and glanced at Itachi briefly. "By request of Itachi and Alice, I agree to your stay and cooperation with Akatsuki. However, you are not members of this organization. There are only ten members at a time." His eyes closed. "You will be expected to act as a member, but you will not have to extract the tailed beasts since your lack of Akatsuki rings."

"You guys are basically in the same boat as me and Kathryn." I smirked from beside Itachi, looking around said weasel to give Sasuke a smirk.

"You may do as you wish during your free time. When I call for you, I expect you to report to me immediately." He watched them nod before continuing. "And because of you now being allies of the Akatsuki, you will be split into partners." He looked at me. "Alice."

I stepped forward and turned to look over Sasuke, Jūgo, Karin, and Suigetsu carefully. "Well, in my opinion, I'd say either Jūgo and Sasuke or Suigetsu and Sasuke. Jūgo will need Sasuke to control his killer instinct. However, Sasuke and Suigetsu work well together."

"Karin doesn't really like Suigetsu and vice versa, however, they do work well together when it is needed. Karin also works well with Sasuke because of her healing and tracking abilities." I sighed. "Any possible team option would probably work. Most effective… I'm not entirely sure." I paused. "Karin's fighting abilities are weak and she's mainly just there for healing and sensory factors. Putting her with the strongest would probably be the best bet. Their most effective when they're all together though."

Pein looked at me before his eyes went to Sasuke. "Any preferences on a partner, Sasuke? You were the leader of the former team."

Sasuke blinked and glanced over Taka/Hebi. "It would be wise for Jūgo to stay with me. I'm the only one who can control his murderous side."

"So be it." Pein stated. "Alice and Itachi will show you to your rooms. You're dismissed. Welcome to the base."

I smirked seductively/like a creep and latched onto Itachi. "I'd prefer to just go to ours."

Itachi looked at me and chuckled. "Alice."

I nuzzled him and purred. "My weasel. Let's go show duck-butt and his gang of misfits to their rooms."

Suigetsu laughed. "Why are you calling Sasuke duck-butt?

I grinned. "His hair."

Sasuke sighed and exchanged a look with his brother.

Itachi chuckled. "She's not always like this. She's just excited."

"Be glad I'm excited and not angry." I stated. "Now come, we must leave our fearless Leader to his business."

Pein chuckled and rolled his eyes.

I grabbed Itachi's hand and pulled him from the room with Taka following after us. I smiled at the as I led them down the hallway. "There're two rooms in the hallway we're in, or there's a hallway with four bedrooms closer to the kitchen.

Suigetsu grinned at Sasuke. "You might not want to be in the same hallway as them."

I looked at him. "You're being dirty aren't you? You pervert."

"OUCH HIDAN!" Kathryn yelled. "FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

I sighed. "And there's the rest of the crew."

Sasuke looked at Itachi. "Jūgo and I will stay in the same hallway as yours. Suigetsu and Karin can stay wherever they want."

"Very well, first things first. SABLE! COME HERE!" I called. "Where's my baby?" I heard fast footsteps and grinned as a black blur emerged from an intersecting hallway and tackled me. "Awe! There you are!"

Sable barked and whimpered happily as she licked the shit out of my face, standing on my stomach. I wrapped my arms around her, loving her back.

Itachi chuckled and shook his head. He knows me so well.

"I was under the impression that she had a child." Karin said calmly, pushing up her glasses. "I did not expect a dog."

"Hey, Sable is a wolf, not a dog. Get it right." I threw at her. "And she is my child. I love her like I had her myself. She was a gift from my weasel."

Sasuke raised his eyebrow at me and looked at Itachi.

"Alice has an… unhealthy obsession with wolves." Itachi said calmly. "We found Sable alone in the forest a few weeks ago."

Sable looked up at Itachi's voice and hurried over to him, rubbing up against him excitedly, hunting for his attention. He knelt and allowed her to give him some kisses before she decided she had enough love from her daddy and that Sasuke was more interesting.

"Don't worry, she won't bite you or anything." I smiled, getting up. "She's a real sweetheart."

"I'm not worried." Sasuke said calmly, petting Sable's silky black fur.

"Oi! Crazy bitch!" Hidan barked, gaining my attention with his loud voice. "I'm hungry! Make me some fucking food!"

"Oi! Bitchy asshole!" I retorted just as loudly rudely whilst glaring. "You have legs! Make your own fucking food!"

Hidan marched out of the living room to stand in our path and he pointed at me, eyes narrowing threateningly. "You little bitch."

"Bring it Hidan." I challenged. "I'll fight you right now."

He grinned insanely. "Alright."

"Deidara! I need a tag team partner!" I called.

I heard said bomber laugh and he came out of the living room with Kathryn. "Got it, un."

Sasuke raised his eyebrow and looked at Itachi. "Does this happen often?"

"About twice a day." He sighed. "Usually it's just Alice and Deidara. Hidan isn't allowed to fight Alice. He gets too rough so Kisame and I have forbidden him unless Alice get's a partner that isn't Kathryn."

Kathryn beamed at Sasuke as Deidara and I positioned ourselves around Hidan. "Hi Sasuke! How are you?"

"Hello Kathryn." He stated dully. "I'm fine. Just a bit confused."

"Get used to it buddy." I threw over my shoulder. I made to run at Hidan but was stopped when a tan miser arm wrapped around my waist and stopped me. "Ah! Kakuzu!"

"I need your assistance." Kakuzu stated.

"I don't want to steal money right now." I pouted.

He sighed. "That isn't what I wanted you for."

I shrugged. "Fair enough. What did you want? I'm trying to kill your partner."

"I want food." Kakuzu grunted.

Hidan laughed and pointed at me. "Ha! Take that you bitch!"

"Jashin damn it." I swore. "I give up." I looked at Itachi. "Go ahead and show them their rooms. I have to go and make dinner because you men suck at life."

Deidara chuckled. "Thank you for dinner Alice, un."

"_You_ are very welcome Deidara." I smiled. "Put me down pimp."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes at my name and set me down. I smirked and pretended I was going to walk away before spinning around, pointing at Hidan. "Sable, attack!"

Sable barked and jumped at Hidan, grabbing a hold of his ankle and proceeding to bite the shit out of it.

"Awe! What a good puppy! She's such a good girl!" I praised over Hidan's pained swearing. "You're getting a treat today Sable."

"Alice. I want food." Kakuzu sighed.

"Fine bitch." I growled. "Down Sable." She obeyed, letting him go. I picked her up and carried her away, loving her.

I walked away from them with my puppy, leading the hungry members to the kitchen as Itachi led Taka to their rooms. I marched into the kitchen to see Kisame and Sasori inside it.

"Are you hungry too Sasori?" I asked, handing Kisame Sable.

He blinked and stared at me for a minute. "Starving."

I snickered. "Well I'm making dinner, so just hold out for a little longer."

"I don't know if I can make it." He sighed dramatically.

"I hope not." I threw at him. He chuckled.

"Well played." He commended. He looked at Kathryn as she latched onto him and started nuzzling his face. "Hey brat."

She grinned. "Hi Sasori no Danna." She kissed cheek. "I love you Danna."

He grunted at patted her head. "I know."

I smiled. "You all are so cute."

"Shut up Alice." Sasori growled.

"Especially you Sasori." I winked. And then I wrapped my arms around Kisame's neck. "You're second only to my shark." I kissed his cheek for emphasis.

Kisame chuckled and hugged me backwards. "Hey Alice."

"You see? This is why Kisame's my favorite. He's extremely sweet and he's always happy to see me." I stated. "He's like a puppy and I love it. Just like why I love my Sable."

"That doesn't really sound like a compliment to me." Suigetsu said as he entered the room.

"Who asked you?" I demanded. "For me, I was giving him the greatest compliment out there." I hugged Kisame. From there, Sable playfully nipped my hand. "He's my shark puppy."

Kisame just shook his head and chuckled. "Alright Alice."

"You're strange." Jūgo told me.

I nodded. "I know." I released my shark, pecked his cheek as well as Sable's, gave Itachi a kiss and then started on dinner. Since I'm a super beast cooker, it didn't take long for me to have everything made and on the table to be devoured. I handed Sasuke a tomato after dishing out food to everyone.

He took it and raised his eyebrow. "Thank you?"

"I like tomatoes too. And since I'm eating one, I assumed you would like one. If you don't want it, don't eat it." I stated. When he shrugged and set it on his plate, I walked over to the counter and hoisted myself up on it.

"You look familiar." Hidan said, pointing at Sasuke. "Have we met before asshole?"

My eyes widened and I shook my head at Sasuke, mouthing words of warning at him. "Don't answer!" I urged.

Sasuke merely shrugged, taking my warning.

Kathryn however, did not.

Because we all know how much she loves throwing people under the bus.

"Yeah you have." She smiled at Hidan. "Sasuke used to live with Orochimaru."

Hidan raised his eyebrow. "That snake bastard? Why the fuck would you live with him?" Then it clicked. He stared at Sasuke for a moment and I knew that he was remembering how Sasuke cut his legs off and kidnapped Kathryn and I. "OI! YOU FUCKER!"

"Hidan, sit down and shut up." I snapped, getting off of the counter to stand between him and Sasuke. Sable jumped off Kisame's lap to bark threateningly at Hidan while standing protectively in front of me.

What a good puppy?

If I wasn't in protective bitch mode, I'd have squealed and praised the shit out of her.

He glared at me. "That shit kidnapped you and you're okay with that?"

I glared right back. "Yes I am. I happen to like Sasuke. And if you want to deal with an extremely murderous and pissed Itachi, you go right ahead and start being mean to him. But if you lay one finger on him, I'll slice your dick off and make you eat it."

"That isn't even funny." Deidara winced. "That just sounds unpleasant un."

"Really? I think it sounds like fun." I said sarcastically. "Shall we experiment on you Deidara?"

He pouted. "What did I do, un?"

"Nothing dear bomber." I sighed. "Now Hidan, sit down and eat the food I was forced to make you. Or I'll fucking starve you."

He grumbled under his breath but obeyed. "Bitch."

"I know." I smiled.

"Damn Sasuke, looks like you've got a fan." Suigetsu teased.

I glanced at him. "I have my reasons. I don't condone serious fighting in my territory. And I'm pretty sure that if Hidan got within five feet of Sasuke, Itachi would have taken matters into his own hands. And that would not be good because then Kakuzu would be pissed about blood getting everywhere and the kitchen getting torn up.

"He would then take it out on Itachi and Hidan, which would gain Kisame's attention because Kisame has Itachi's back. And because Kisame was getting into a fight, Kathryn would probably jump in to stop them and Deidara and Sasori would join in the mess and it would just be all around chaos that I'm not willing to deal with right now." I said.

"That was entirely too long of an explanation." Sasori commented.

"It was fucking true. Don't you dare deny it." I countered as I smothered Sable with love.

He paused. "True."

"Good boy." I praised. "Now eat dinner. I'm going to go overdose on drugs."

Jūgo looked after me, looking shocked. "What?"

"She has to take a lot of pain killers for her physical deficiencies." Itachi stated.

I saluted. "See you when I'm stoned off my rocker."

"Don't do it!" Kakuzu and Sasori snapped. I laughed manically and left the room to go and shoot up.

* * *

_Lol. Poor Kakuzu and Sasori._

_They'll get over it though. Whether that's by dealing with it, suicide, or murder is really up to them:D_

**_Fun Fact: _**_Napoleon constructed his battle plans in a sandbox. _

Answer: _Uh... yeah... My answer is the QotC._

**QotC: **_I forgot I hadn't asked this yet. What is your favorite food? I asked for candy and beverages. Now it's food time._

_You guys are amazing._

_I'd chat more, but I'm tired so I'm gonna go._

_Bye~_


	71. Chapter 71

_I am not a fan of this chapter._

_But, I'm too lazy to change it. So deal with it._

_I do not own Naruto. Enjoy if at all possible._

* * *

"Hey Sasuke, come here." I hissed, sticking my head in Sasuke's room. "Itachi wants to bond with his baby brother."

He stared at me with what I assumed was a scowl. It honestly looked more like a stubborn pout to me. "I'm not a baby."

"I know this, but it's fun to tease you. Now come, or I'll have Kisame come in here and drag you out. Don't think he won't. If I pout, he'll do anything." I threatened.

Sasuke smirked slightly at my idiocy but got up all the same and followed me directly across the hallway to the bedroom I shared with Itachi.

I gestured around the room. "Make yourself comfortable. He's in the bathroom. I'll be right back." I zipped over to the bathroom and slipped inside to attack Itachi who was currently washing his mouth out from brushing his teeth.

"Hey sexy." I smirked as I leaned against the counter beside him. "Kiss me and I tell you if you did a good job."

He looked at me and rolled his eyes before grabbing my chin and pulling my face to his so he could kiss me. After a moment of trying to kill me, he released me and raised his eyebrow. "Well? How did I do?"

"An amazing job." I breathed, completely and utterly breathless and lightheaded. "You should be a professional."

"I am." He smirked, kissing my forehead. "Sasuke?"

"Bedroom." I said in a state of bewilderment, pointing over my shoulder towards our bedroom.

Itachi chuckled and grabbed my hand, leading me back into the bedroom. He deposited me on the bed where Sable hopped up there and woke me from my stupor with her kisses. I blinked and looked around to see Itachi watching me with amusement while Sasuke just looked confused as hell.

"You're evil." I whispered, looking at Itachi. He just gave me the smallest of sadistic smiles and a fast wink. I grabbed a pillow and hid behind it, peeking over the top.

"What did you want to talk to me about, Aniki?" Sasuke asked.

I awed. "The brotherly love is so cute." I bit a pillow when they both looked at me and waved for them to continue.

Itachi sat beside me on the bed and pulled me to his person, gesturing for Sasuke to sit with us on the mattress. He did and was greeted by Sable. Itachi kissed my head before looking at Sasuke. "You asked before how Alice and I met. I promised to tell you, so now I will."

"What a story." I muttered into the pillow, snickering. "You tell your part and then I'll tell mine."

"Right." Itachi nodded. He closed his eyes. "Whilst the Akatsuki was inspecting a new potential base, Tobi came across a strange room. In this room, he claims to have seen a red button and curiously, he pushed it. The next thing we all know is that we're cats, slowly gaining consciousness in a pile on someone's property."

Sasuke raised his eyebrow. "Cats?"

"You heard him right. Felines." I nodded.

Itachi shook his head. "None of us know the exact jutsu that was used to make that happen, but not only did it make us become cats, it also sent us into another dimension. That dimension was another world. That is where we met Alice."

"You're from another world?" Sasuke asked, looking at me in shock.

"Yep. In my world, all of you guys are characters in a story and show called _Naruto_. The main character, I'm sure you've guessed, is Naruto Uzumaki. Your entire lives and just about everything from your pasts was spawned from some man's imagination." I explained. "It's quite the mind boggling fact, but it's true. Remember those videos I showed you? That is the show."

Sasuke looked utterly shocked. "That doesn't sound possible."

"Honey, you're looking at proof right now." I smiled. "Now, Itachi, continue."

Itachi dipped his head. "After we all woke up as cats, we were stored into a box by a very confused old man. The old man then carried us in the box before disposing of us on a doorstep."

"That's where I come in." I smiled. "I come home from the library to see a box of Jashin knows what on my doorstep. When I looked inside, ten adorable little kittens were meowing and searching for escape.

"From there, I took them in and took care of them." I snickered, remembering the wonderful weeks the Akatsuki spent in my care. "Kathryn stayed with me during the duration of their stay and she helped me take care of them after I found out who they were."

Sasuke raised his eyebrow. "You believed they were real, even though you knew they were from a story?"

"It took a bit of convincing. I thought had finally gone insane for a time, but after living through all that, there was no denying it." I shrugged. "You wanna know how I found out who they were?"

"How?" He wondered.

"I put them in the bathtub, turned on some hot water and they poofed back into their original forms, in all of their naked glory, right in the middle of my bathroom." I laughed. "I almost shit my pants when that happened."

Sasuke shook his head. "That's so weird."

"I know right?" I smiled.

Itachi kissed the side of my head. "Before she knew we weren't just cats, every time my name came up between her and her housemates, she confessed her desire to rape me. You were mentioned a few times too."

Sasuke raised a disturbed eyebrow at me.

"Hey, don't give me that Sasuke." I pouted. "Before I saw Itachi, you were my favorite character. You had always been my second favorite from then on too. Tied with Kisame of course, but that's a given."

"I was your favorite?" He questioned.

"Hell yeah. For the longest time, I couldn't get enough of you. Then, Itachi came in with his sexiness and shared spot number one." I explained. "However, you decided to be an emo and run to the snake pedo so you lost a few points then. Not to mention, before I met you guys and I watched you kill Itachi, I almost jumped through the screen and killed your face."

Sasuke looked down and Itachi tensed a little, tightening his grip around me.

"But, since that's done and over with, you're off my shit list and I love you again." I smiled. "Welcome to the fucked up family of social outcasts known as Akatsuki, Sasuke."

Itachi chuckled and kissed the side of my head. "You're always so blunt, Alice."

"That's my job sweetie." I smirked.

* * *

I woke up early the next morning to see Sable was curled up in my arms. Itachi was lying behind me, his face buried into my neck and he had his arms wrapped around my stomach. I smiled at this and sighed contently.

With practiced movements, I maneuvered away from Itachi and out of the bed. Sable poked her head up when I got up and she cocked it to the side at me. I kissed her nose and instructed her to stay with Itachi. She just snuggled into him sweetly like the good puppy she is.

I got ready for the day quickly and quietly, emerging from the bathroom to see Itachi still sleeping. I smiled at him cuddling with Sable and left the room, heading for the kitchen. I set about making breakfast as soon as I entered.

I smiled at the spread of food I made and smirked evilly as I brought my fingers up to my mouth and whistled loudly, the high pitched noise echoing throughout the base.

"OI! WAKE UP AND EAT YOU SHITS!" I shouted. I smirked, listening to a few crashes as people probably started from my wakeup call.

"JASHIN DAMN YOU, YOU CRAZY BITCH!" Hidan roared from his bedroom. "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

"BRING IT FUCKER!" I yelled back. I looked over my shoulder as Kisame walked into the kitchen, yawning. "Good morning Kisame."

He gave me a tired smirk. "Morning Alice." He walked over to me and gave me a good morning hug before dropping tiredly into a chair at the table.

Kakuzu walked in a few moments later, followed closely by Sasori. Said miser gave me a look as he walked to the table. "Was that necessary?"

I smirked. "Yes it was. It was also funny."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "You about gave Kathryn a heart attack."

"Not you?" I teased. He just glared.

Suigetsu shuffled into the kitchen with Jūgo. "What the hell?" He demanded.

"You get used to it." Kisame chuckled. "Take a seat and eat some breakfast. Alice's cooking is the best."

"You're sweet." I smiled, kissing his cheek. I went to the fridge and began gathering drinks for the members when arms wrapped around my waist. Itachi kissed my cheek, instantly gaining my attention.

"Good morning Alice." He said smoothly. "Thank you for breakfast."

"Morning babe." I smiled, turning slightly to kiss him. "You're welcome. Take a seat and I'll get you something to drink." He kissed me again before leaving me at the counter to sit between Sasuke and Kisame. "Morning Sasuke."

Sasuke dipped his head at me, petting Sable who was under the table. "Hn."

"Alice, you're so mean." Kathryn pouted, entering the kitchen. "That scared the hell out of me and Deidara."

I smirked. "It's better than waking up to an explosion every morning."

"I disagree. Deidara is sexy when he blows things up." Kathryn countered.

"Your point?" I asked.

Deidara kissed Kathryn's head. "Art is an explosion, un."

Sasori scoffed. "You're confused brat. Art is eternal." Deidara instantly went into stubborn teenager mode and made to retaliate loudly.

"Shut the hell up. Both of you. You're not having this argument at breakfast." I scolded. "Go and kill each other outside later." I set Sable's food down on the floor and she ran away from under the table by Itachi's feet to eat.

Karin came in a few moments later. "Does this happen a lot?"

"Usually Deidara is the one to wake everyone up." I explained. "But yes, loud wakeup calls happen just about every day. Get used to it."

She frowned but didn't speak as Hidan marched into the kitchen and strode over to me. He jabbed his pike inches from my face and glared at me. It was at that time that I noticed he was bleeding profusely.

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked, not at all fazed by the spear that was now touching my nose.

"You're little fucking wakeup call made me fall off my fucking bed and land on my damn scythe!" Hidan barked.

I stared at him for a minute, blinking slowly as I absorbed that bit of information.

I started laughing. "What a dumbass! That's what you get for putting your scythe next to your bed you idiot!"

He growled angrily at me and pressed closer, cutting my cheek with the tip of the spear.

Needless to say, in the next second, he wasn't anywhere near me.

Kisame was standing in front of me, glaring at him. Itachi had stood and his Sharingan was whirling angrily. Deidara was in the process of getting up and Sasori had senbon in his hand, ready to launch them. Kakuzu's hand was on his wrist and a few threads were undone. Sable was growling at him, her food forgotten.

Hidan rubbed his head from where it collided with the wall. "Ouch, what the fuck?"

"Stay the hell away from Alice, Hidan." Kisame growled.

"I wasn't going to fucking hurt her." Hidan snapped. "I just wanted her to stop fucking laughing. I was only threatening her. I wouldn't have done anything."

I rolled my eyes. "Idiot."

"Fuck you, bitch!" Hidan snarled, pointing at me.

I raised my eyebrow. "Hidan, you've severely pissed off five of the world's strongest ninja. Think before you act and speak." I shook my head. "It's okay guys, he wasn't really going to hurt me. He's just an idiot."

Kisame glared at Hidan for a minute before turning away from him. He rumpled my hair before returning to his seat to finish his breakfast. Itachi relaxed and sat, his Sharingan was still activated though. Deidara eased up and returned his attention to his food. Sasori's senbon disappeared and Kakuzu's threads returned to their proper place.

Team Taka watched the exchange with shock, curiosity, confusion, and interest. I didn't even expect the guys to react that fast. Well… Kisame and Itachi I did. Not Deidara, Sasori, and Kakuzu.

"Get up and eat Hidan." I said with an eye roll. "Next time you'll learn to not put your scythe on the floor next to your bed." I knelt and soothed Sable who licked me a few times before returning her attention to her food.

"Well that was awkward." Kathryn giggled, killing the mood.

Sasori smacked his forehead. "You're an idiot, brat."

"You're a meany-butt Danna." Kathryn countered.

Karin raised her eyebrow. "Meany-butt?"

Kathryn gave her a look. "Yeah, that's what I said."

I snickered as I handed Sasuke, Itachi, Jūgo and Hidan their drinks. Kathryn hated Karin, and she was going to find that out very soon. Itachi raised his eyebrow at me, wondering what I was snickering about but I just shook my head and kissed his cheek.

"How old are you?" Karin wondered.

"I'm seventeen." Kathryn smiled. "Why?"

Karin raised her eyebrow again. "That's kind of an immature insult for anyone over the age of seven."

"Your face is an insult, but we don't say anything about it." Kathryn countered smoothly. She wore a serious expression the whole time.

Jashin am I proud of her.

Karin blinked. "Excuse me?"

I laughed, as did Suigetsu. The others were watching the exchange intently.

"I don't believe I stuttered." Kathryn stated. "If you have a problem with it, don't be afraid to speak up."

"Brat, behave." Sasori scolded.

Kathryn smiled at him. "I'm not doing anything bad Danna. I'm just talking."

"I already like her." Suigetsu snickered, gesturing at Kathryn.

"Shut up Suigetsu." Karin snapped. She looked back at Kathryn. "You don't even have any chakra. Where do you get the guts to challenge someone who could break you with a single punch?"

Kathryn scoffed. "I'm not scared of you. The only thing your good for is annoying people and healing Sasuke. And I don't need guts to tell you that I think you're a whore that is essentially worthless and annoying. I never challenged you so get it right."

I thought it was hilarious. All of the guys were watching to two girls, either hoping for a fight or making sure that Karin didn't do anything to Kathryn. They looked so awkward. Suigetsu and I were enjoying it thoroughly.

"Look you skinny, little blond whore, I'm a ninja, you're just a weak little civilian." Karin snapped. "You can talk all you want, but if it came down to a fight, I'd kill you. In fact, if you don't watch your mouth, I might just do that."

Do I hear someone insulting Kathryn and then _threatening_ her?

Oh _hell_ no.

No one talks to Kathryn like that.

My control snapped and psycho killer mode mood swing just came swooping in.

Bitch was going down.

"Try it." I snarled, grabbing a knife from the counter. "I dare you."

Karin looked me over, obviously ridiculing me and judging me just by my appearance and lack of chakra. "You're in the same boat that she is."

"That's what you fucking think." I snapped, marching over to her.

"Uh oh. Mood swing." Hidan pointed out. He picked me up as I passed him and held me still, restraining me. "You can't kill her bitch."

Sasori shook his head. "Females. Only Alice could be so damn territorial and protective."

"You would do well to not get on her bad side, kunoichi." Itachi said calmly. "Alice may not have chakra, but she has her ways. She will make your life a living hell if you piss her off."

I tried to get up. "Let me go, Hidan. I've got a redheaded bitch to slaughter."

Kisame snickered. "Easy Alice. Give her two more strikes before you decide to kill her. You girls just need to get used to each other."

"Or I could just kill her and save myself the headache." I growled. "Get off of me, Hidan."

"No can do bitch." He told me.

"Fine." I stated. I adjusted the knife in my hand and launched it at Karin's face. She dodged it by a centimeter. It cut a few of her hairs and embedded itself in the wall right behind her head. She gawked at me while I just glared.

"Yo pussy Uchiha, come get your woman before she decides to have _another_ fucking mood swing and kill everyone."

Itachi chuckled quickly and got up. He walked over to me and grabbed my hand before pulling me away from Hidan and out of the kitchen. He pushed me gently against the wall outside of the kitchen and kissed me to cut off my ranting that I had been about to unleash.

"Relax Alice." Itachi soothed, pulling away from me enough so that our lips were still touching.

"No one talks to Kathryn like that." I snapped against his lips. "Let me go so I can choke a bitch." He just rolled his eyes and silenced me again.

**Third Person!**

Meanwhile, in the kitchen…

"What the hell?" Karin asked, looking from the door Alice and Itachi disappear through and to the knife just behind her in the wall.

"Alice is very protective over Kathryn, un." Deidara stated, not even bothering to look at the redheaded female. "Saying shit to Kathryn that Alice doesn't approve of instantly lands you on her shit list. She's fought a lot of people for saying something she didn't like about her, un." His eyes narrowed slightly as he turned to look at the redhead. "And if you touch Kathryn, I'll turn you into art, un."

Hidan chuckled. "And you fucking threatened her. I'm surprised the crazy bitch hasn't already scalped your ass."

"She has no chakra. She isn't a threat." Karin countered with a scoff.

"But she'll fight you all the same." Kisame stated. "And if you hurt her, you'll have all of us to deal with. I suggest you just stay out of Alice's way unless you want to die."

Kathryn smiled at Karin. "Alice is very territorial. If you don't want her to kill you, leave her alone and don't touch what is hers."

"Is she bipolar or something?" Suigetsu asked, laughing. "She was laughing with me one second and then she was ready to slaughter in the next."

"She is bipolar." Kakuzu nodded. "Dangerously so."

"And she's fucking crazy as hell." Hidan smirked.

Sasori chuckled. "She's insane."

Sasuke looked at Karin and narrowed his eyes. "Karin, leave Alice and Kathryn alone. Or I'll dispose of you myself."

"Ouch." Kathryn whispered to Deidara. He chuckled and kissed her.

* * *

_My apologies for the typos and whatnot. I'm way to lazy and tired to fix them right now._

**_Fun Fact: _**_ The IRS employees tax manual has instructions for collecting taxes after a nuclear war._

Answer: _As most of you know, I hate food. If I didn't have to eat to survive, I wouldn't. But, if I had to chose my favorite, I say chicken flavored Ramen noodles. You know, the cheap shit that comes in the little packages. Soooo good. I swear I could live on it. (Not a healthy life but I'm in America. That's kind of expected.)_

**QotC:** _If you could compare yourself to any Naruto character, (Whether Cannon or how I portrayed them in my story if it's different, I don't care) who would it be. And don't just pick your favorite. Really think about it and then answer truthfully. Any Naruto character. Tell me why too. :)_

_So... yesterday I had a Senior mentor meeting. It was pretty fun. I got to hang out with Kathryn and SethyPoo. We went to lunch together afterwards with a couple of other friends. A very amusing day. Later, I went with my brother, two of my cousins, and five other friends out for a late snack (I just got a milkshake) and then we went to my cousins house to play Super Smash bros. all freaking night long._

_Kirby is my man. I'm always him and I kick so much ass. (And I play as Link but that's because he's a badass.) My cousin Briana is the master of the original Nintendo 64 game. With Pikachu, she could defeat anyone who played against her. It's insane. She has like... magical powers when it comes to the game. Seriously insane._

_But anyways, enough about me. What about you? How are you guys?_

_Have I told you guys how amazing you all are recently? Because you're all so amazing I can't even begin to describe it._

_Thank you all so much for the reviews. I had no idea I'd ever get this many. I honestly appreciate it._

_But I will go. Because I'm ranting._

_Good day, lovelies.  
_


	72. Chapter 72

_Happy birthday to _TearsOfTheFallen

_I don't own Naruto. Enjoy the chapter._**  
**

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

So. I think we have a problem here.

I'm in a really weird mood. And as tradition, I have to take that weird mood and set it loose on the guys.

Fun, fun.

I walked into the living room from one of the back entrances and saw Itachi and Sasuke sitting on the couch together. I smirked and snuck over to it. I climbed over the back of the couch and literally _perched_ on the cushion between them.

Like a fucking Meerkat.

It was beautiful.

I saw Itachi turn his head to look at me as I perched on the couch. He stared at me for a minute before raising his eyebrow as I grabbed Sasuke's head and held it close like it was a treasure. I rested my cheek on the top of his head and started petting him.

"Shh." I urged in a whisper when he frowned. "Just let this happen."

Kathryn was on the other couch, snickering her head off with Deidara.

Deidara, I noticed, thoroughly enjoyed anything and everything that annoyed the Uchiha brothers and put them in embarrassing situations. I knew he hated the Sharingan because it insulted his art or whatever, but he did a good job of swallowing that when Kathryn and I were around. However, that didn't mean he didn't enjoy their suffering.

I just continued petting Sasuke who I just knew was utterly distraught.

He opened his mouth to comment. "What?"

"Shh." I interrupted. "It's okay. Just let this happen. No words."

I was dead serious the entire time.

Itachi chuckled. "Alice, what are you doing to Sasuke?"

I turned to him, bringing Sasuke's head with me. "I'm sharing affection."

Sasuke went to speak but I cut him off again. "Hush little one. Everything will soon be clear. Just let Alice hug away all of your troubles. Say it with me: Hakuna-matata." I then began nuzzling his head, purring deeply.

"What the hell is she doing?" He finally asked.

I started laughing and let him go, falling back away from him. Itachi caught me skillfully and adjusted me so I was sitting on his lap. He chuckled and shook his head at my antics.

"She does that every now and then." Zetsu told him. "**It's better to just let her do it and wait until she gets bored or stops.**"

"But sometimes that takes a long time." Kisame added with a chuckle.

"Your face." I snapped, staring at Kisame.

He raised his eyebrow at me. "What about it?"

"It's fucking adorable." I admitted. Then I turned to Itachi. "And yours is indescribably sexy and adorable." I kissed him. "It was totally worth creeping on Sasuke to end up in this position."

"You are insane." Sasori told me.

"And you're not Mr. Let's-turn-myself-into-a-puppet-just-because-I-can?" I asked.

He stared at me. "I'm not insane because of that."

"Shut up Sasori. You live inside the bodies of dead people." I sighed.

Sasuke looked at me. "What was that about?"

I shrugged. "I get into these weird moods and since you have yet to suffer said mood, you were first on my list. Jūgo is next." I smirked at said ginger.

He just chuckled.

He really is fucking gentle when he isn't in psycho-killer mode.

Anyways, my weird mood lasted pretty much all day.

I traveled around the base fucking with people.

As usual, Kathryn and the Akatsuki responded in their own ways. Taka was fun to mess with though. Their reactions were new and I was eager to test their limits.

Kakuzu told me that I was an idiot or he would leave whatever room I was in.

Sasori would insult me and engage me in a sarcastic battle. Or he would threaten to kill me and I'd have to hide behind Itachi.

Kisame laughed about it and hugged me.

Itachi would distract me by kissing me and wait for me to move on.

Deidara would either laugh or wrestle with me.

Hidan either chased me away or he would just swear at me until I found something better to fuck with.

Zetsu would either threaten me or just ignore me until I let.

Kathryn just responded with her own weirdness and it just escalated from there until someone separated us. Said someone usually was Sasori or Kakuzu.

Tobi responded very much like Kathryn. If she wasn't with us, we went and found her and wrecked havoc on anyone in the vicinity.

Sasuke kind of just stared at me and remained stoic. He was kind of boring.

Jūgo would let me do whatever I wanted and would watch me carefully.

Karin just sighed and waited for me to leave her alone.

Suigetsu responded a lot like Kathryn did. Or he would just laugh at me.

Such varying responses.

Currently I was wandering around the base, heading for the living room. A few people were in there. Hidan and Kakuzu sat together on one of the couches. Deidara, Sasori, and Kathryn sat on another. Sasuke, Itachi, and Kisame were together and Suigetsu took up the chair. Sable was sitting contently in Kisame's lap, enjoying all of the attention.

Karin and Jūgo were in the kitchen. I refused to make dinner, so they were making something because they lost rock paper scissors.

I smirked evilly and snuck up behind the couch Hidan and Kakuzu were on. I rested my arms on the back of the couch in between them and smirked, looking between both of them.

"So Hidan, Kakuzu, how's the sex?" I asked.

Hidan spit out his drink and Kakuzu stiffened, snapping whatever was in his hand.

I started laughing and ran away from their couch as Deidara, Kathryn, Suigetsu, and Kisame roared with laughter. Sasori and Itachi chuckled while Sasuke looked both amused and disturbed at the same time.

"I'll kill you, you fucking bitch!" Hidan snapped.

I just laughed and hurried to Itachi. He chuckled and allowed me to curl up in his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head. "Alice." Sable greeted me with a tail thump and a quiet howl.

"Hey cutie." I smiled. I looked back around to see Kakuzu and Hidan glaring at me. "Oh whatever, don't get mad. It was fucking funny!"

"Not as funny as the time we caught them spooning." Sasori stated, chuckling.

I snorted. "That was fucking fantastic."

Kathryn giggled. "Danna made it funnier. I've never seen him laugh that hard before."

"He hasn't un." Deidara snickered.

"What are you guys talking about?" Suigetsu wondered.

Hidan glared at him. "Don't fucking worry about it, you fishy fucker."

"Oh Hidan be nice." I sighed.

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed at me. "I think you want me to kill you."

"Hell yeah I do!" I scoffed. "I don't think anything would be better than being killed by Kakuzu." I paused. "No wait, I lied. I think Pein would be the coolest. Or Zetsu."

Itachi stared at me. "What in the world are you talking about?"

"Don't act like you've never thought about it!" I stated. "If I'm ever going to die by anything other than old age, I fucking want one of you guys to do it. You're the most badass people out there. Just make sure you make it cool."

I paused.

"You know what? I want Hidan to sacrifice me to Jashin-sama." I concluded. "That sounds like the best way to go."

Hidan raised his eyebrow. "You're fucking insane. I hope you know that bitch."

"I do." I smiled. I looked around at Deidara. "You know Deidara, your hair is too yellow. It makes me want to fight you."

Deidara laughed. "Bring it on, un."

"Do it outside." Kakuzu growled.

"But it's raining." I countered.

Kakuzu frowned at me. "Then go to the training grounds."

"Fair enough." I stated. "Come on Dei."

Deidara and I got off the couches and we led the mass of everyone to the training grounds. Kakuzu was walking with us, but that's because it was on the way to his room. He is too uninterested to watch us fight.

Kakuzu took the lead and once he was in front of me, I jumped on Deidara and tackled him with a battle cry. Deidara laughed and retaliated by pulling my arms behind me. Sable instantly started barking at us from Kisame's arms.

"Wait until you get to the training grounds." Kakuzu snapped, over his shoulder.

"Alice-chan! Look what Tobi found!" Tobi cried, running into the hallway and ripping me off Deidara. He shoved a poster in my face. I raised my eyebrow, realizing that I was the one on the poster.

"What the hell?" I asked.

Itachi walked over to us and inspected the poster. His eyes widened before they narrowed. "Where did you find this?"

"**In the neighboring village.** Alice is wanted." Zetsu stated, joining us in the hallway. "**Konoha must be looking for her.** It looks like they're getting desperate." He handed Itachi a book. "We took this off a Jōnin earlier. **She's in the bingo book.**"

I punched the air. "Hell yeah! I'm a fucking wanted criminal!"

Itachi gave me a look of disapproval. "This is not something to celebrate about Alice. This puts you in danger."

"We should tell Leader." Kisame stated, setting my puppy down. She darted over to me and sat beside my feet, looking around curiously.

"Tobi wants to tell Pein-sama!" Tobi exclaimed. "Zetsu-san will come with Tobi!"

Itachi handed the poster and bingo book back to Zetsu and Tobi and watched them disappear into the shadowy hallways of the base. He looked back at me. "Alice, you cannot take this lightly."

I sighed. "Yeah I know Itachi. I think it's kind of ridiculous. I'm not dangerous at all."

"You possess knowledge that people would kill for." Itachi stated

"So does Kathryn." I pointed out. "She doesn't have a wanted poster."

Kakuzu put his hand on my head. "Yes, but Konoha doesn't know that."

"It appears as if the intensity of your training must be doubled from here on out." Sasori said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

I pouted and drooped. "Fuck my life."

Hidan snickered. "It's alright bitch, you can fight with me."

"No she cannot." Kisame stated.

I sighed dejectedly. "Sasori takes all the fun out of everything."

Sasori smirked. "It's a gift."

Kathryn giggled. "You're so mean, Danna."

Sasuke looked at Itachi. "So, what do you suggest that we do, Itachi?"

Itachi squeezed my hand in thought. "As Sasori said, we'll have to train her harder than we have been. Alice, you won't be allowed out of the base by yourself and I'm certain Pein will be limiting the missions you go on."

"So I am essentially grounded?" I pouted. Sable licked my hand and whimpered sympathetically, sensing my depression.

Itachi kissed the side of my head. "I'm sorry, Alice."

"Deidara, let's go kill each other." I sighed, letting go of Itachi. I grabbed Deidara and dragged him to the training grounds.

He smirked at me. "You don't look like you're in the mood for a fight, un."

"Sasori killed it." I stated.

"You can always fight me, Alice." Sasori suggested.

"I'll punch the shit out of your heart container you old man." I snapped.

He glared.

I scoffed and turned to face Deidara in a fight stance. "That's what I thought you delusional puppet." I then charged Deidara, tackling him.

And so our fight began.

* * *

"Hey babe," I began, resting my chin on Itachi's shoulder from behind. "You should come and fight with me. I don't feel like letting Sasori kick my ass and Deidara is being a bitch."

Itachi turned his perfect face towards me and raised his eyebrow. "If that is what you want, who am I to refuse you?"

I grinned. "That's my sexy man." I kissed his cheek. "We'll wrestle and everything." I looked over at Sasuke who was sitting across from Itachi. "You don't mind if I steal him for a little bit do you?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "No. Not at all, Alice."

"Good. Because I was going to take him either way." I winked. "You get to babysit Sable. She's napping though." Sasuke just sighed and waved me away with a small smile.

"Come along, Alice." Itachi chuckled, standing up from his chair. He grabbed my hand and pulled me from the room. He paused for an instant to let me catch up to him once we left the kitchen so we could walk beside each other properly.

I pulled my hand from his and curled my arm around his waist just as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I turned in his grip to wrap my other arm around him and kiss his chin. "I love you Itachi Uchiha."

He smiled down at me and kissed me back. "I love you too, Alice." He rested his head against mine. "More than anything."

I smiled and nuzzled him. "Let's just cuddle instead."

"I don't think so, Alice." Itachi chuckled. "As much as I'd like to, you need to keep training for your own safety." He kissed my cheek. "However, as soon as I am satisfied with your training, we will do whatever you wish."

I shrugged. "Fair enough. But I'm not going easy on you."

Itachi smirked. "I don't expect you to. In fact, I don't want you to."

I smiled. "I hope you know that means I'm going to tackle you as soon as we get to the training grounds."

"If you can catch me, you deserve to." He teased.

"Ninja speed is no fair." I pouted.

He sighed, giving into my pouting. "I'll take it easy on you."

I looked away from him. "I don't want you to. Just don't run away."

He grabbed my chin gently and brought my mouth back around to his so he could kiss me. "I didn't intend on running away. I would simply be out maneuvering you."

"You and everyone else in the world." I sighed.

He stroked my cheek. "Your lack of chakra is problematic in regards to your safety. However, it is also beneficial to everyone else's. Not to mention, it makes you unique, and I love that about you."

I looked at him. "Bonus points for Itachi. You get to be top tonight."

He rolled his eyes and tapped my nose. "Sarcasm Alice. I was being serious."

"I know. So was I." I laughed. I kissed him when he shook his head at my antics. "Seriously though, thank you. I love you too."

"In your own words, 'you better'." Itachi smirked, kissing my cheek.

We stopped together as we reached the training grounds and I raised my eyebrow at him.

"So, I want to wrestle with you like I do with Deidara. Minus the vicious biting and blatantly trying to hurt you just to see you react." I stated, looking at him.

He blinked. "Why?"

"It gives me a chance to wrestle with the love of my life. That's why. Plus, I bet it will get sexual and I'm in the mood for some sarcastic, sexual innuendos." I laughed. He just sighed and rolled his eyes.

"I love you." He assured me. "And your sarcastic personality."

"You better." I smirked. Itachi pulled me into the training grounds and to the middle of the room. I stood opposite from him and watched him carefully.

He gestured at me. "Your move, Alice."

I darted at him but he dodged easily and stopped behind me, placing a gentle kiss to the back of my neck. I swung around at him but he caught it and pulled me to him. He held me there long enough to kiss me before putting space between us.

I sighed. "Itachi, you're being a butthead. Stop teasing me."

"I'm enjoying this. We should spar like this more often, Alice." Itachi teased. His outline blurred a bit as he shot behind me and pinched my ass.

"You're sadistic." I barked as I ran away from him. He flicked over to me, fully intending on being a jerk. I could hear him chuckling at me as he caught me. "Hey! Itachi! No boob grabbing, you pervert!"

I grabbed his hand before he could run away and held him still as I tackled him. "Ha! Take that Mr. Pervert Weasel! That'll teach you to grab my boob!" I pinned him to the ground beneath me and kissed him as I kept his shoulders down with my hands.

He responded eagerly, dazing me with the love and happiness that filled the kiss. I sent back my own, curling my arms around his neck. His hands found themselves a place on either side of my face, keeping my mouth to his as we kissed.

Words cannot describe how much I love this man.

"What the hell?" Kisame asked, standing in the entrance of the training grounds with Sasuke. Suigetsu, Jūgo, Tobi, Sasori, Deidara, and Kathryn were there as well.

Itachi and I looked towards the door in unison. "What?" We asked, breaking away from each other to breathe and find out why we were being questioned.

"Alice-chan is eating Itachi-san again!" Tobi cried, waving his arms round frantically.

"What are you two doing?" Sasori asked. "You're supposed to be training, Alice."

"I'm working on it, bitch." I snapped.

Deidara snickered. "Well, you're certainly working on something, but it doesn't look like training, un."

I raised my eyebrow. "Shut up Deidara. Go screw Kathryn somewhere else."

"Well now that I have your permission, un…" Deidara began, acting like he was going to turn away. I just laughed.

Kisame chuckled. "You know, Deidara has a point."

"I took advantage of his perverted ways and tackled him. I also took advantage of being on top of him to kiss him." I shrugged. "Are any of you honestly surprised about this?"

Kathryn cocked her head to the side. "Not really now that you mention it. I'd do the same with Deidara."

"Alice-chan is crazy!" Tobi announced. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"You'd have already raped him." Suigetsu snickered.

Tobi pointed at Kathryn. "Kathryn-chan, what is rape? Is it fun? Tobi wants to rape Deidara-senpai!" She gawked at him before laughing and hugging him. Deidara growled threats.

Sasuke just rolled his eyes. "You're all strange."

"What Sasuke, you want some of this?" I asked, gesturing down to Itachi. "We can make this a threesome. Ah! Itachi!" I yelped as Itachi rolled over so he had me pinned beneath him.

"I am not sharing you." He told me calmly. He looked at his brother. "Forgive me, Sasuke. Maybe next time." Sasuke just stared at him for a moment before shaking his head at our antics.

"Oh that's right. You wanna have a threesome with Kisame first, don't you?" I teased, grinning at him. "I'm okay with either one. Let's make it a foursome and call it a night."

Suigetsu, Deidara, and Kathryn were currently cracking up. Sasori had introduced his palm to his forehead. And Kisame and Sasuke were looking between each other and me, both amused and disturbed. Jūgo and Tobi looked so confused and scarred.

"Tobi wants to play!" Tobi whined, bouncing excitedly.

"Alice." Itachi sighed.

"Oops, I wasn't supposed to say that was I?" I smiled. "Tobi, you can play too."

"Yay!" He cheered.

He kissed me. "I am not sharing you." He narrowed his gorgeous Sharingan at me. "Ever. With anyone."

I looked at Kisame, Tobi, and Sasuke. "Tough luck boys." I wrapped my arms around Itachi's neck again and pulled him closer so I could kiss him. "I don't really want to share you either."

"Alice, you're supposed to be training." Sasori reminded me. "Not being sexual with Itachi."

"Kinda hard not to be sexual with my boyfriend when he's so sexy, adorable, loveable, and need I go on?" I stated, looking at Sasori.

"Then it would be wise for you to not train with him if he is a distraction." Sasori said, crossing his arms.

"You're such a sourpuss." I pouted. "Why do you have to take the fun out of everything?"

"It's in my contract." He retorted smoothly.

"That's a shitty contract. I would call someone." I replied. I looked at Itachi. "We can't have fun anymore, Itachi."

He smiled and got off of me, pulling me up to my feet with him. "Unfortunate."

I latched onto him and looked over at Sasori. "So who can I fight with because you're a mean jerk?" He just smirked knowingly. "I always fight with Deidara so I know his weaknesses. Kathryn won't be a challenge. Kisame is too sweet to fight me. Hidan isn't allowed. And Kakuzu is too lazy. Plus, they're not here. Zetsu would eat me. Tobi is… well… Tobi. Pein is busy and Konan is too sweet."

Sasori shrugged. "I don't know. But you need to find someone soon, or you'll be stuck with me."

"Asshole. Why do I need to fight with someone again today? I already did it earlier with you for like four hours." I sighed. "This is a pain in the ass."

Itachi kissed my cheek. "Sasori, she isn't a ninja. She cannot train like we do. I was not aware that she trained earlier. That's enough for one day."

Sasori raised his eyebrow. "If she gets kidnapped, it isn't my fault."

"She will not." Itachi said seriously. "She just needs to stay by one of us at all times outside of the base."

"There's only so much I can do against fucking _ninjas_ guys. You do realize that no matter how much you train me, it's not doing to do shit against someone with chakra and fucking magical powers." I sighed, waving my hands above my head for emphasis.

Kisame walked over to me and rumpled my hair. "Just stick with us kiddo."

"That won't be hard to do." I smiled, hugging him. "So, now what?"

"Oh! I know!" Kathryn stated. "Let's attack Suigetsu and Sasuke!"

Tobi happily agreed.

Sasuke took a step away from her pointedly. "I don't like that course of action."

"Yeah well no one asked you, Emo Prince." I laughed.

Kathryn jumped on Suigetsu and urged him to run at Sasuke because she failed at tackling him. He was essentially giving her a piggy back. Tobi helped by skipping around them.

Suigetsu looked back at her. "Why?"

"Because I want to pet him." She stated. "Now onward to victory!"

I smacked my forehead. "Dork."

Jūgo looked a little confused. "You two are very strange."

"You just now figured that out?" Sasori wondered, looking at him.

Meanwhile, Sasuke was doing his best to avoid Suigetsu and Kathryn that he didn't notice me sneaking up behind him. I tackled him when Kathryn and Suigetsu moved back a little at my orders.

"Got him!" I grinned and hugged him. "Accept my love future brother-in-law."

Itachi just sighed and shook his head while Sasuke tried to push me off of him. Kathryn giggled and hopped off of Suigetsu to sit on the ground beside me and the struggling emo. She pet his head. Tobi was now talking animatedly to Deidara who looked murderous.

They must have been discussing the rape...

You have to love Tobi.

"It's okay, Sasuke-kun." She smiled. "We are trying to hug the emo out of you."

"I don't want you to." He sighed and pushed on my arms again. "Alice." I laughed and let him go. He sat up and brushed himself off before looking back at me and Kathryn who sat a few feet away from him. He smirked a bit. "Weirdoes."

Kathryn poked his cheek. "You love it." She patted the ground next to her. "Join us Suigetsu. Tobi, come here!"

He laughed. "No thanks. I'm good up here. Besides, you won't be sitting there peacefully in a second."

"Why?" I asked in confusion. I yelped in shock as a massive shark lifted me off the ground and tossed me over his shoulder. "Kisame!"

"Deidara!" Kathryn eeped. Deidara had snuck up behind her and scooped her up suddenly. Sasori, Itachi, Tobi, and Jūgo just watched us like we were insane.

"Kisame!" I whined. "Put me down!" He just snickered and handed me to Itachi.

Itachi kissed me when he had me and stroked my cheek. "I love you Alice."

I smiled at him and kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I love you too, Itachi."

* * *

_Such love. I'm aware of the severe lack of Tobi and Zetsu going on in here._

_But, I have a reason. T'will be announced in a later chapter._

**_Fun Fact: _**_For every 'normal' webpage, there are five porn pages._

Answer: _Any Naruto character that is most like myself... I'd have to say a mix between Sasori, the way I've portrayed him because of his sarcasm and general emotionlessness. Shikamaru because I'm rather intelligent and I'm super lazy. I have to throw Tsunade in there for the temperment and the bust. And Kakashi. Different colored eyes, laid back, lazy, smart, and a tad sarcastic. I am not ever late though._

**QotC: **_Who is your favorite character that was only in the Anime. Not the manga. Also known as: Filler characters. D:_

_Well, I have nothing fun to talk about. Go say happy birthday to _TearsOfTheFallen_.  
_

_I'm out. Going to hang out with Kathryn today._

_I have school on Wednesday:(_

_Depression._

_Bye lovelies._


	73. Chapter 73

_I fucking hate school._

_And everything it entails._

_Enjoy. Excuse the shittiness that is my work. _

_I wasn't in a very good mood when I wrote this._

_I own nothing but the OCs and... the idea really._

* * *

"Momma!" Kathryn whined, running into the kitchen where I was making Hidan a sammich.

Yeah, I make _killer_ sammiches.

No pun intended.

I looked up from my work and over my shoulder. "What babe?"

She darted over to me and put on her pouting face, bouncing in her spot. She managed to look up at me pathetically as she pouted, even though she was half a foot taller than me. "Can we go outside today? Please? Pretty please with tomatoes on top because I know you don't like sweets and sugar!"

I waved her away from me as I completed my sammich masterpiece and took it to the table where Hidan was waiting. "Here asshole. Enjoy it."

"S'bout time, bitch!" He grinned, giving me a one-armed hug.

I patted his head before looking back around at Kathryn. "What are you going on about?"

"I want to go outside!" She pressed. "Can we? Please?"

I put my hands on my hips and shifted my weight to my right leg. "What did Sasori say?"

"He said to ask you." She informed me with a small sigh. "Please. I'll be good! Dei and I won't bother you and Itachi. And we'll leave Danna alone if he comes. It'll just be a relaxing day outside. Come on! It's getting cold outside too because it's getting close to winter!"

I sighed. "I'm alright with it." She whooped loudly and jumped in the air. So I pointed at her meaningfully. "But you had better stay where I can see you."

"Yes Momma!" She beamed. She hugged me, moved onto Hidan to mug him happily just because, before darting from the kitchen, yelling for Deidara. I shook my head at her antics and looked around, feeling a gaze on me.

Hidan was staring at me with a grin.

"What?" I asked.

"That sounded like some brat asking her parents for permission to do shit." He laughed. "Are you and the puppet fucker having kids behind Itachi's back now?"

I shrugged. "Maybe we are. Sasori _is_ great in bed."

He choked on his drink, and Suigetsu and Jūgo who had just walked in the room, gawked. "The fuck?"

I smirked at their idiocy and walked out of the kitchen, swaying my hips in a provocative manner just to confuse them. Sasori, was leaning against the wall just outside the door, smirking.

"Hello fuck buddy." I smiled. I knew he would be there. He was always close by to wherever sarcasm was occurring in the base. So technically, that meant within earshot of me.

Ah, the benefits of being a sarcastic bitch.

"Hello." He replied. "So, you're going outside with Deidara and Kathryn?"

I shrugged. "Guess so. I'll force them to go to the lake about a mile into the woods. Because I demand Kisame come with me."

"Demand I go with you where?" Said shark asked. "What's Kathryn yelling about?"

I looked at him. "She's been begging me and Sasori to let her and Deidara go outside. So, I obliged. But that means I have to go baby sit. And I'm forcing you and Itachi to come with me." I smiled at the weasel who entered the hallway behind his partner.

"Why not just invite everyone?" Sasori asked. "I'm going too. I can't trust Kathryn and Deidara to obey."

Itachi walked over to me and kissed my cheek. "Have you talked to Leader about this?"

"Kathryn told me her and Deidara did. Leader said it was fine because everything was secure and there wasn't anything to do. We just have to be careful." Sasori stated.

I nodded and peeked back into the kitchen. "Yo, you guys wanna go outside with us? We're going to the lake."

"Sure." Jūgo said quietly.

Suigetsu grinned. "Hell yeah."

Hidan nodded, getting to his feet and walking over to me. He patted my head. "Good sandwich, bitch. Sure I'll go. Can't let you fuckers have all the fun."

"How could we ever have fun without you, Hidan?" I asked.

He grinned. "Damn straight." He smirked at Itachi. "Yo Uchiha fucker, you need to keep an eye on your bitch. She's been sleeping with the puppet."

"Hidan, I think at this point, you're the only one who _hasn't_ slept with Sasori." I scoffed. Sasori smirked. "He's kind of a whore." I gestured at Sasuke who just came over. "Even Sasuke has slept with Sasori." Sasuke glared at me.

"I learned from the best." Sasori stated.

I raised my eyebrow. "Who? Karin?"

Suigetsu howled with laughter and Jūgo held back his own chuckles. Sasuke smirked along with his stoic older brother, Kisame grinned and Hidan cackled.

"Momma!" Kathryn called, running down the hallway. Deidara was walking calmly behind her, smirking at her excited behavior. "Can we go now?"

I looked at her. "Yeah. We can go."

"Yay!" She cried. "I asked Kakuzu if he wanted to go, but he said that he didn't feel like dealing with us and that he had better things to do. Karin is a bitch so I'm not asking her. Tobi and Zetsu are with Pein-sama and Konan but they are getting ready to leave to go get the six-tails."

I blinked. "We'll alright then. Let's go."

She whooped. "Come on Dei!"

I whistled. "Sable! Come on girl!" I looked around. "Where is she, anyways?"

"Last I saw, she was in the living room, chewing on her bone, un." Deidara informed me.

"She tried to use me as a chew toy." Sasuke deadpanned.

"That's because you resemble her chew toy which shaped like a duck." I teased, patting his head. "Don't feel bad. It happens to the best of us with duck-butt hair."

Sasuke's eye twitched.

I laughed. "Chill Sasuke. I'm joking. I still love you and your smexy Sharingan."

Itachi chuckled at me. "Alice."

"But your brother is sexier." I added quickly in a stage whisper before looking around at Itachi. "Yes love?"

"Let's go." He stated. He bent down and picked up a now present Sable from the ground before handing her to me. "Hold her. I will carry you so we can get there quickly."

I shrugged. "Fair enough."

And so we went. All eleven of us with Sable included of course. We traveled out of the base and through some thick woods until we reached a lake, surrounded by forest. Pein had some barriers around it because some cavern beneath the surface led to a tunnel which then led to an underground room in the base.

So technically, this was a hidden entrance. Though, the only ones willing to use it would be Kisame and now Suigetsu.

Anyways, as soon as we reached our destination, Kathryn went sprinting towards the lake, shouting about freedom and outdoors and how she was going to rape nature or something like that.

Sasori and I just deadpanned after her.

"She is so exuberant." Jūgo commented with a light chuckle.

Sasori looked at him. "You have no idea."

Suigetsu snickered. "She's fun though."

"Damn straight, un!" Deidara grinned, jogging after his lover.

I rolled my eyes at their nonsense and flopped on the ground, in the shade of a large pine tree. Itachi, the ever sexy weasel, sat down sexily near me in a few fluid motions. He sat against the tree, resting his head against the trunk.

I smiled at him before setting Sable on the ground in front of me. She sat perfectly straight, her ears perked and her posture stiff. Her amber eyes were locked on the Shinobi and teenage girl playing near the edge of the lake. Her ears twitched, picking up the sounds of their voices.

"See them Sable?" I asked in a low whisper, wrapping my arms around her. Her tail thumped in greeting, but she knew by the tone of my voice that she shouldn't snap out of her trance. "See them girl?"

She twitched slightly.

"Get em." I whispered, still not letting her go. "Bite em." She tensed beneath my arms. "Sick em." Her tail stopped wagging so I smiled and changed my hold on her until my hands rested on her shoulders. "Attack Sable."

And then she shot forward. Without barking or growling, she sprinted across the distance between her and her target. Her body was low to the ground as she basically left just a black streak behind her with her speed.

Until she tackled a swearing zealot into the lake…

I whooped. "Score one Sable!" I beamed as she hopped out of the lake to go and greet Jūgo who she had taken a particular liking to. "Good girl Sable!"

She barked and looked in my direction before focusing on Kisame who offered her a stick, looking for a game of fetch.

Sasori chuckled as Hidan trudged out of the lake, sopping wet. "You've trained her well, Alice."

I shrugged. "I've had dogs all my life and I trained them myself. You just need to know what they like and have patience. It really helps that she's so smart." I looked at him. "But thank you for the compliment. It is appreciated."

Sasori smirked at me before patting my head and walking to a secluded spot against a different tree. It was his method of giving other people space, but also staying close enough to where he could be of help in needed. Also, it was so he could keep a watchful eye on Kathryn and Deidara.

I smiled at his behavior before looking over the idiots. Kisame was playing fetch with Sable, and Hidan had taken to grabbing her whenever she ran near him. She would defend herself by biting the shit out of him before smothering him with kisses and then she would return to Kisame. Said shark was sitting on the edge of the lake, throwing her stick either further into the lake, or over land, whichever suited his fancy.

Kathryn was sitting in the shallows of the water, leaning back into Deidara's chest. He was sitting on the dry land, but his feet were in the water on either side of her. He was playing with her hair, occasionally pausing to kiss her or whisper something in her ear.

Jūgo was talking to a squirrel and some other animals.

Suigetsu was swimming in the lake, minding his own business.

And Sasuke was meditating in the shade of our tree, close enough to his brother so there was obvious recognition, but far enough that the distance was comfortable.

I was about to look around at Itachi until I felt his arms wrap around me from behind just before they pulled me back a few feet. Once I was released I noticed I was seated, quite contently, in between Itachi's legs while he rested up against the tree behind him.

I leaned into him without needing to be told to and he instantly wrapped his arms around my person, placing a loving, gentle kiss on top of my head. He sighed contently and rested his chin on my head.

I closed my eyes and turned slightly in his embrace until I was more comfortable; taking care to make sure he was comfortable too. I was basically lounging between his knees, the side of my head pressed against his chest while one of his arms was being held like a teddy bear by mine. The hand of his free arm stroked my hair gently, effectively lulling me into a trance.

"Alice." Itachi whispered, adjusting his position slightly so his knee was up and his leg took on some of his body weight.

"Hn?" I wondered, opening my good eye to look at him.

"What do you think about the plans for Akatsuki?" He asked.

I blinked at the odd question and looked up at him. He was watching me with a serious expression. I could feel the love, just from his gaze but I could also feel some curiosity behind it. I kiss him before returning to my previous position.

I was quiet for a moment as I thought about it. "That depends."

"On?" He pressed quietly.

"It depends on whether you mean Pein's plans, Madara's plans, the tailed-beast sealing as a whole, the plans as the show dictates, or the plans as I have them laid out in my head." I clarified.

He blinked as he took that in. "Pein's plans."

I sighed as I thought about how to word it. "I'm… rather indifferent about Pein's plans. I believe in them because Pein is my fearless Leader, but I also think he's going about his goals the wrong way. However, I also see where he would be right in doing it the way he is." I closed my eyes. "However, I would take Pein's plans over Madara's any day."

"I agree with you." He said muttered. He knew everything. Since he was mine, I felt no qualms about letting him read and watch the manga and anime to his heart's content. Now, he knew just as much as I did.

"What of your opinion on the tailed beast sealing?" He wondered.

I chewed on my lip for a minute. "I… don't really have any particular attachment to the tailed-beasts or their Jinchūriki for that matter. That excludes Naruto, of course. I know that blond moron well enough to have some sort of relationship already built up with him. He's a good person."

Itachi nodded, understanding what I was going on about.

"I didn't want Gaara to get hurt either because I loved his character too, but since he didn't die, I don't care that you took Shukaku out of him." I continued. "And I wouldn't really care if you took the Kyūbi out of Naruto as long as he didn't die." I looked up at him. "But, otherwise, I'm rather indifferent."

"You said… you had your own plans." Itachi began. "What did you mean by that?"

"I don't intend on being stuck in a world where everyone else is in a permanent Genjutsu." I informed him. "That's all I'm saying on the matter."

His eyes narrowed slightly but he didn't press me. Instead, he kissed me gently, running his tongue over my lower lip. I smiled and kissed back, sending back my love through the kiss since he was trying to suffocate me with his.

When he pulled away, he stroked my cheek gently. "I love you, Alice."

I smiled at him. "I love you too." I resituated myself against him, leaning into him. He was still stroking my hair with one hand, while his other rested on my stomach. I smiled at this and rested my hand on top of the hand on my stomach gently, tucking my fingers in between his.

I felt him smile through my hair as he rested his head on top of mine.

I closed my eyes, enjoying the situation.

Until screaming interrupted me.

With a sigh, I opened my eyes and looked around for Kathryn, only to see her fighting off an angry looking Hidan while Kisame held Deidara back lazily. My entire body tensed at the insanity in Hidan's gaze as he grabbed Kathryn and pinned her to the ground.

I was just about to move until a large rock crashed into Hidan's head, knocking him away from Kathryn. Her protector sat a few yards away, glaring at Hidan. I relaxed substantially, when I remembered that Sasori was here too.

Itachi obviously noticed and kissed the side of my head, squeezing me gently.

"What are you doing to her, Hidan?" Sasori growled as Kathryn scrambled away from Hidan to hide behind her Danna. She latched onto him instantly and he allowed her to cling to him, even curling an arm around her shoulders protectively.

"She fucking kicked me in the balls!" Hidan snapped.

Sasori glanced at Kathryn. She looked down. "He smacked my ass."

One of the knives I've begun to always keep in my boot embedded itself in Hidan's person. I glared, trying to get up only to be restrained by Itachi. Sasuke, who sat a few feet away, sighed at my obvious anger issues.

"OUCH!" Hidan shouted.

Kisame sighed and let Deidara go. Deidara instantly sprinted at Hidan and kicked him in the face before whipping out some of his clay to blow him up with, but Sasori's sudden chakra strings held him still. He twitched a few fingers and Deidara was up by him in a manner of seconds.

"No fighting." Sasori snapped. "I already told the pair of you to behave. You said you would if we allowed you to come out here. Now knock it off."

Deidara glared. "Danna! No one touches Kathryn like that, un!"

"While I agree, I don't feel like listening to it." Sasori snapped. "Now, either get over it, stay away from each other, or I will take you back to the base. Understood?"

Kathryn pouted. "Yes Danna."

"You treat her like she's your child." Suigetsu snickered, looking at Sasori.

"And Alice treats her like she's her mother." Jūgo added. "All though, from what I've seen, Alice does that to the rest of you as well. Excluding Itachi, of course."

Hidan ripped the knife out of his chest and glared in my direction. "The fuck, bitch!"

"I believe I have told you multiple times not to touch Kathryn." I snarled. "Do I have to fucking decapitate and blow you to pieces to get my point across, Hidan?"

He glared at me and swore quietly enough to where I couldn't hear him. Obviously Kisame did because Kisame punched Hidan in the back of the head.

Sasuke shook his head and looked at me. "You really have all of these guys wrapped around your fingers, don't you?"

I shrugged. "It's a gift." I smiled. "And honestly, it's the other way around."

"I begged to differ." Itachi muttered, kissing my neck.

I smiled slightly and stroked his cheek as he rested his chin on my shoulder. "Hn."

"Hey, Alice speaks Uchiha!" Kathryn pointed out, grinning at Itachi, Sasuke, and I. "No wonder she gets along with them so well."

Deidara laughed. "You've got that right, un. All three of them have the ability to limit their vocabulary to a single word and mean anything and everything at once, yeah."

Itachi looked in Deidara's direction. "It is a skill that surpasses your simple mind, Deidara. Perhaps you should study up more, your intelligence and skills are severely lacking if you're impressed by a simple Hn."

"Shut up, Uchiha!" Deidara snapped. "My art will surpass you and all of your stupid abilities, un!"

Cue explosive Deidara rant about fleeting art.

I shook my head at his antics. "Deidara, Kathryn's boobs are showing."

Deidara's head whipped around, completely forgetting what he was talking about in order to either look at Kathryn, or cover her up before anyone else could see her. However, once he realized that I had been lying, Sasuke, Itachi, and I were already in a deep conversation about Kakashi's training methods.

Yeah… Sometimes I wonder why the Akatsuki are feared as much as they are.

* * *

_They be feared because they be smexy._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate. (So basically, my pupils are dilated all the time.)_

Answer: _I don't watch the fillers. They suck. So, I skip them unless I'm _**really**_ bored. If I am that bored, I'll go back and watch a bit of them. It is a last resort._

**QotC: **_What do you think is going to happen in the Fourth Great Shinobi War? (SPOILER ALERT!) If you'd rather not give your opinion on what's going to happen in the War, give me your opinion on the War.  
_

_I have no classes with Kathryn and I'm very upset about it. However, I wish a very happy birthday to_ xdreamernumbuhfour_. She makes me fanart all the time. Go check out her shit. Links are on my profile. GO LOOK NOW!_

_Anywho, I hate school. I'll probably say that at least once every author's note. So be prepared._

_For now, I wish you a very fond farewell._


	74. Chapter 74

_It's my dog's birthday today:)_

_Enjoy. I own nothing but everything._**  
**

* * *

**First Person Kathryn!**

So… I have good news and bad news.

Good news is that Deidara is still fucking sexy as can be. And I would really like to take advantage of him in the hallway closet but that's just me.

The bad news, however, is probably the only reason I'm not raping Deidara in the closet.

Alice is in one of her moods.

And when she gets into this particular mood, it's best to stay the fuck away from her and not do anything that might set her off.

So, currently, I was sitting in the living room, watching Deidara and Hidan arm wrestle while talking to Sasuke, Suigetsu, and Jūgo who have become my bestest buddies since they've come here.

Sasuke is actually really fun to talk to once you get passed his Uchiha complex. He and Alice get along very well and they're often found having intelligent conversations with Itachi and sometimes Danna.

Suigetsu was so much fun to be around. He was like a mix of Kisame, Hidan, and Deidara all in one person. I could see a little bit of Alice-like qualities as well. He was awesome and pretty cute. Nothing on my Dei of course, but no one has anything on that fine piece of ass.

Speaking of fine piece of ass… Have you ever _seen_ Deidara's ass?

It freaking perfect! Unlike mine because I seriously lack one. I make up for it with boobs and personality though. (:

Anyways…

Jūgo was super sweet. He was really kind and we had a lot in common. Alice adored him because he adored Sable. I personally thought he was just a sweetheart so I tended to stick around him for that reason.

But anyways, we were sitting in the living room, Kisame, Deidara, Hidan, and I were trying to avoid Alice's wrath. The present members of Taka were just in here for some entertainment. Tobi had been here earlier with Zetsu, but he almost made the kitchen explode because he was trying to bake cookies, so Kakuzu forced him to leave in order to get him money for repairs. Zetsu went with him, saying something about wanting some sunflower seeds to brighten up his garden.

Alice had been a lot more… temperamental today than she usually was. She already broke a chair over Hidan's head and it was barely noon.

"What is everyone being so quiet for?" Sasuke asked as he pet Sable. She fell in love with him. It's probably because he looks so much like Itachi and the fact that Alice and said weasel love him so much.

"The crazy bitch is in one of her fucking moods." Hidan grunted.

Suigetsu raised his eyebrow. "What?"

"Alice, being as bipolar as she is, gets into these random moods. This one in particular can turn extremely violent extremely quickly." Kisame warned. "It's best to stay out of her way unless you want to eat her sword or one of the knives she keeps on her nowadays."

Deidara grinned. "She decapitated Hidan last time, un. And she already hit him this time, yeah."

I giggled. "I love Alice."

Sasuke stood with a sigh. "I'm going to get something to eat." He set Sable down on the couch beside me, but she followed him regardless, pausing to lick me in recognition.

"Be careful." Kakuzu grunted as he entered the room. "Alice is in the kitchen. She probably left though. It didn't look like she had plans to stay."

Jūgo blinked. "You guys make it sound like she's going to murder you."

"She will try (un)." All of us said in unison.

Sasuke shook his head at our weirdness before leaving the room.

**Third Person!**

Sasuke sighed as he walked to the kitchen. He was looking for a snack and he knew Alice had a few tomatoes stashed away for the two of them. He smirked at the thought.

Alice was a very interesting girl. He didn't know how she managed to catch his brother's eye, but he could tell that she had and the two of them were very happy together. He questioned their relationship simply because Alice was weird and Itachi wasn't very emotional. But he approved because they got along so well and Itachi was the happiest he'd ever seen him.

Opposites attracted though, he reasoned.

Sasuke walked into the kitchen with Sable at his side and walked to the stash of his favorite food. He took out a nice, juicy tomato before grabbing Sable one of her treats and giving to her after making her perform a trick. He then tossed it in the air and watched her catch it skillfully. He gave her a pat of praise which earned him a lick of affection and appreciation.

"Sasuke-kun~." A voice Sasuke had come to classify as irking cooed. He looked towards one of the entrances to see Karin sliding into the room with practiced grace and a provocative sway in her hips. He stared at her, unmoved by her blatant methods to woo him.

She cuddled up to his side, batting her eyelashes at him in an attempt to appear cute and seductive. In reality, he saw her as pathetic and suppressed a gag at the choking scent of her excessive perfume.

Sable growled.

"Sasuke-kun, what are you eating?" She asked, eyeing his tomato. "I can feed it to you."

"No." He said shortly. "Get away."

She smiled at him. "Awe, Sasuke-kun, don't get shy on me." She looked down as Sable snarled at her. "Shut up you stupid mutt."

"Don't yell at the dog." Sasuke grunted. He pushed Karin away from his person slightly.

"But she's getting in the way of our bonding Sasuke-kun." Karin whined pathetically.

Sasuke almost scoffed. _If you can call this bonding..._ He thought to himself.

"Sasuke-kun, let me feed you." She pressed.

He closed his eyes. "Forget it."

"Sasuke?"

Sasuke looked to the door to see Itachi standing there with a raised eyebrow. Clearly he was done training with Sasori so now he could save his brother from certain death involving an overly affectionate redhead that wanted in his pants.

And no, it wasn't Sasori as Alice would have suggested.

"Oh, Itachi-kun!" Karin smiled. "When did you get in here?"

Itachi raised an eyebrow at the suffix placed at the end of his name before looking over the girl's shoulder at his brother for an explanation. Sasuke just rolled his eyes. Itachi fought a small smile.

"Just now." He said calmly. "Sable, come here."

Sable stopped her growling and darted over to Itachi. She rubbed against his legs happily and wagged her tail at him. He patted her head in approval before looking at his brother and his teammate.

"What are you two doing?" He asked. "Sable, go to Kisame." Sable barked and ran off, eager to obey her daddy. Itachi didn't feel like explaining to Alice why Karin might have been bitten by the pup because if Karin got too close to him or Sasuke, Sable would bite the shit out of her. Not that anyone of them would have cared…

Karin gave him a playfully coy smile. "I'm just here to be with Sasuke. But now that you're here, things just got better."

Itachi was a good looking man. This was true. In fact, one would be hard pressed to find a better looking one. Karin was in a kitchen with a close match who happened to be previous leader of her previous affiliation. She had two handsome Uchiha's within her grasp, and she'd be damned if she didn't get one to fall for her.

Alice was a weakling civilian anyways. She was certain Sasuke's sexy older brother would want someone strong and durable like she was over some wimpy little girl with health problems and a bad temperament anyway. Just like Sasuke did.

So she turned on her seductive switch and sauntered up to Itachi, who had gotten into the fridge, in order to brush against him meaningfully and give him a suggestive look.

"What are you doing, Itachi-kun?" She asked, snaking her hand up his arm with a wink.

"Oh hell to the _fucking __**no**_." A furious voice snarled.

On cue, both Uchiha and the redhead looked to the source. Itachi's eyes widened slightly, Sasuke tensed, and Karin just stared.

Within a second, Alice had ripped her sword from her sheath and launched it at Karin's face. The Kunoichi managed do dodge it in the last second but she gawked as she saw Alice marching in her direction with a rather lethal looking knife in her hand.

Itachi reacted instinctively and wrapped his arms around Alice, pulling her back to keep her away from Karin. "Alice."

"Get off of me Itachi Uchiha. I'm going to fucking _end_ her." Alice barked. She threw the knife at Karin, pleased that she managed to cut the bitch's face that time.

Meanwhile…

"Did anyone else just hear Alice shout?" Kisame asked, holding a squirming Sable.

Hidan sighed. "Probably found something to bitch about."

"Hidan." Kathryn scolded.

Kisame stood. "I'll go check. Sasori, we might need your chakra strings."

Said puppet master stood with a sigh. "Alright." Kakuzu stood as well, eager to help prevent any damage before he had to pay for it.

Hidan stood too. "Come on. I wanna see what the fuck she's shouting about."

Kathryn and Deidara got up, followed by Suigetsu and Jūgo. They followed the sound of shouting to the kitchen where Itachi was holding Alice away from Karin who was hiding behind a stoic Sasuke who was still holding an uneaten tomato.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Sasori asked.

Alice turned to glare at him. "That fucking _bitch_ is going to _**die**_."

Kisame sighed. "What did she do?"

"She touched Itachi. And she touched him with less than honorable intentions." Alice shouted. "Let go of me damn it! I'm going to fucking rip her to pieces and then fucking feed them to Zetsu!"

All of the Akatsuki members and Kathryn turned to look at Karin.

"Oh you're fucking screwed bitch." Hidan cackled.

"It would be wise to get used to never sleeping again." Sasori sighed. "She's not going to stop until you're dead."

Kakuzu sighed and took a seat at the table. "I have a feeling I'm going to be spending a lot of money on repairs and paint."

"ITACH!" Alice snapped. "JASHIN-DAMN IT! Let go of me!"

"No Alice." Itachi said coolly. "You need to calm down."

"Fuck that. I told her to keep her hands off of my Uchiha." Alice growled. "That fucking means you Jashin-damn it!"

Itachi sighed. "Alice."

She ignored him and pointed at Karin who was hiding behind Sasuke still. "You just fucking wait you whorish piece of shit. As soon as I get free of Itachi I'm going to slit your damn throat and pour acid down it! Then I tear out your fucking innards, set them on fire, and dance around them with joy because I'll have rid the world of your slutty ass person and your disgustingly rank perfume!"

She continued on a rant of colorful words and threats. Sasori eventually covered Kathryn's ears as the rest of them stared at Alice in shock. Sasuke even managed to gawk and drop his tomato in horror.

Hidan blinked when Itachi got over his initial shock enough to cover Alice's mouth to silence her. "I did not fucking teach her those."

"I cannot believe half of the things that just came out of her mouth, un." Deidara muttered, staring at Alice who was glowering at Karin.

"Isn't she getting a little… too angry for something like this?" Suigetsu asked. "I mean, Karin fondles over Sasuke all the time."

Kisame looked at Suigetsu. "She's overreacting a bit. But Alice is very possessive. And the girl touched Itachi, not Sasuke."

"She fucking did that too." Alice snarled, getting around Itachi's hand. "The little slut."

Itachi picked Alice up off of the ground and dragged her further away from Karin. "Alice. That is enough. You need to relax. You're getting far too worked up. It's not healthy for you to be acting like this. Please calm down."

"Fuck that damn it!" She snapped, trying to push his hands off of her.

All of the Akatsuki sighed at her stubbornness.

"Alice." Kisame began, lifting Sable up to hold her in Alice's line of sight. Sable just cocked her head to the side curiously and wagged her tail at the attention. "I have Sable."

"I don't give a fuck Kisame. I want to kill a whore." Alice snapped, ignoring the puppy being held a few feet from her.

"Oh my Jashin." Kathryn gawked. "She just turned Sable away." She looked at Itachi. "You need to get her out of here or something because as soon as you let her go, she's going straight for Karin's throat." She paused. "On second thought, let her go."

Itachi sighed and grabbed Alice's chin. He pulled her face around and kissed her fully. Alice's eyes just snapped to Itachi's face and they narrowed threateningly at him. When he released her face, she glared at him for a minute before returning her attention to Karin and spitting threats and insults at her in a voice that was entirely too loud.

"She just ignored a kiss from Itachi…" Kathryn hissed.

Deidara shook his head. "She's totally lost it, un."

Kisame sighed. "All hope is lost."

"I can fucking hear you." Alice snarled, shooting a glare at the others. "All of you are next on my list. Itachi, you are too because you won't fucking let me go."

"Alice, you need to settle down." Itachi said firmly. "When you do, I will let you go."

"Nice try." She snapped. And thus, her swearing and promises of death and pain continued.

Itachi just sighed at the words coming from Alice's mouth and her stubborn, unyielding temper. He loved everything about Alice, but her temper was always exhausting.

A sigh was heard from a different side of the kitchen. "What is all the yelling about?"

Everyone besides Alice looked around to see Pein and Konan standing in a different doorway to the kitchen. Konan took in the various knives, the cowering girl, the sword in the wall, and a _very_ livid Alice and sighed.

"Alice is having a mood swing, isn't she?" Konan wondered.

"I'm about to have a murdering spree too." Alice snarled. "I'll teach that bitch what happens when she touches what is mine."

Pein stared at Alice for a moment before looking at the others. "She touched Itachi didn't she?"

"Yep." A few of them replied.

"Any chance of swaying her?" He wondered.

Sasori looked at him like he had just suggested art wasn't real. "Sway Alice?"

Kakuzu scoffed. "Not likely. She's more stubborn than Hidan."

"Hey! Fuck you!" Hidan snapped.

Pein shook his head with a sigh. "Itachi, either knock her out for a little while to calm her down, or take her somewhere where you can calm her down. I don't feel like listening to her shout or kill the girl. I have work to do."

Itachi glanced at him. "Yes sir." He picked Alice up. "Alice please do not struggle. I don't want to hurt you on accident."

"FUCK THAT!" Alice shouted.

Konan shook her head. "Well, I suppose the girl's room should be moved temporarily."

"More like fucking permanently to a fucking grave!" Alice retorted.

"Itachi." Pein pressed.

Itachi carried Alice from the room. He put a hand over her mouth again to muffle her angry swearing and threatening.

Pein looked at Karin. "I suggest you stay away from Itachi."

"It would actually be better to stay away from all of them." Kathryn mused. "Alice has pretty much laid claim to everyone in here so she won't be happy if Karin attempted to bang one of the others either. She is a whore, but she'll have to have some self restraint until Alice… I don't know… dies?"

Karin frowned but didn't respond when she noticed the frowns she was getting from everyone.

A crash sounded from somewhere in the base.

"I'M GOING TO KILL HER!" Alice shouted.

"Alice! Behave!" Itachi scolded. Her swearing was abruptly cut off by the slamming of a door. Pein sighed at the silence and left the room with Konan following after him with a smile.

Kisame sighed. "I should probably go help him." He picked up Sable who was sitting beside Hidan, looking around curiously while her tail wagged casually. The two of them disappeared from the room, eager to assist Itachi with calming his infuriated girlfriend.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Idiots." He left the room. "Come brats. Kathryn, you're training with Deidara and I."

She pouted. "Yes Danna." She grabbed Deidara's hand and pulled him along.

Hidan pulled Alice's sword from the wall. "I'm gonna put all the fucking weapons in a spare room until Alice calms the fuck down." He then set about collecting the various knives in the kitchen.

Kakuzu grunted and stood. "It would be wise for all of us to hide all of our ninja tools for a bit."

Suigetsu shook his head at Karin. "You're a whore Karin."

Jūgo shook his head and left the room with the sharped-tooth teen.

Sasuke followed after them, rolling his eyes and shooting Karin a glare. "Moron."

After about two days of stewing in extreme fury, Alice was finally freed from Itachi's constant watch. She had sworn that she wouldn't kill Karin unless she touched Itachi again. And Itachi said that if she did, he wouldn't stop Alice from issuing her punishment.

However, the tension in the base could be cut with a knife. And every time Alice saw Karin her hand would twitch towards her sword and Karin would hurry from the room. The only time the tension ended slightly is when finally Tobi and Zetsu returned with the Six-tails in Pein's stead.

Three days of sealing. Alice remained in the sealing chambers to stay away from Karin. Had she stayed in the main base, the bespeckled redhead would have died.

No one touches Alice's Uchiha and gets away with it.

* * *

_Brett and Louis, you two are ridiculous. The purpose of reviewing, is not to threaten me and say random shit. lol. I love it, but you both reviewed the same chapter like five times._

**_Fun Fact: _**_My dog Dolly is six years old today._

Answer: _I think Sasuke's just going to go insane and kill everyone. And then Naruto is going to fight him and they are going to kill each other. Then, Hidan's going to randomly come swooping in and sacrifice everyone to Jashin-sama. :) I will then take Itachi and chain him to my bed to use as I wish._

**QotC: **_What is your opinion of school? If you're not in school, tell me how your day has been. (Even if you are, let me know. You guys make me smile so I hope they have been good so far.)  
_

_So it feels freaking awesome outside. It's cold, and there is a nice breeze. I _love_ it. I sat outside with my doggies today for like... three hours and we just enjoyed the cold temperature. I managed to get a bunch of cute pictures of Dolly and Lexy. (Mind you, that is very difficult because Lexy _HATES_ pictures. I swear she's in the Witness Protection Program.) Anyways, they are cute. That's all you need to know._

_I'd also like you to know that I want to kill my sister. She is the most selfish, disgustingly snobbish, disrespectful, ungrateful, irresponsible person I have ever had the misfortune to know. Seriously, her face just pisses me off now because of her personality. But I'm not going to get started because then I'll just be pissed off for the rest of the day. _

_So, toodles._


	75. Chapter 75

_Kathryn's birthday was yesterday._

_This one is a little lame because I wrote it last night in like... half an hour._

_So yeah. Excuse the filler type thing. Decent sized author's note at the bottom.  
_

_I own like fifty pairs of black socks. But I do not own Naruto._

* * *

"I had such a weird dream last night…" Kathryn mused, entering the kitchen, thrown over Deidara's shoulder for some reason. Said terrorist bomber carried a kunai in his mouth. He set her down at the table when they reached it and then took the kunai out his mouth before cutting dangling parts off the bottom of Kathryn's pants.

"What about, un?" Deidara asked. He looked up at me briefly. "Hey Alice, un."

"Good morning Deidara." I greeted. "My I ask what you are doing?"

Deidara grinned at me. "Kathryn keeps tripping on her pants. So I'm making them shorter for her. I carried her so she wouldn't trip, yeah."

Kathryn beamed and hugged Deidara, grabbing his chin and pulling him into a loving kiss. "Isn't he just the sweetest thing?"

I laughed as I hoisted myself up on the counter. I was waiting for everything to get done before calling the idiots in for breakfast. "Alright. I get it. So, what was your dream Kathryn?"

She looked at me. "Please don't hate me."

"I'll do my best." I deadpanned.

I internally sighed. Kathryn was always having random dreams with me that ended up with me doing utterly ridiculous things that I wouldn't do even if someone paid me. I should have assumed it had _something_ to do with me when she said it was weird.

But, they usually are pretty amusing in the end.

So it doesn't matter much.

"Good morning Sasori." I smiled at Sasori when he walked in a second later, reading a scroll.

"Morning." He grunted, taking a seat beside Kathryn.

Deidara kissed Kathryn's cheek. "Tell us now, un."

Kathryn sighed. "I had a dream you and Danna were going out instead of you in Itachi."

I blinked and stared at her. Sasori paused in his reading and looked up at her in total confusion. We both stared at her for a minute before looking at each other. We returned our gaze to her before we both started laughing.

"What?" I demanded with a laugh. "Me date Sasori? You've got to be kidding me. We'd kill each other!" Deidara agreed with a laugh as well.

Sasori chuckled. "Brat that is the most bizarre thing I have ever heard. Alice and I would never be able to 'date'. There is too much animosity between us."

"Well… not really animosity, so much as extreme rivalry." I corrected. "Our sarcasm levels would only increase by tenfold and then everyone around us would die. Not to mention, we already fight like an old married couple. If we were dating, it would never end."

Sasori dipped his head. "Most of it is playful banter, but there would be no end to the arguments and whatnot we would get into."

"Exactly." I stated.

Kathryn grinned. "I bet it would be cute. You two are so alike."

"Opposites attract, dearie. Sasori and I are too alike. We are not the same, but we are too close for my own comfort. It would be like dating myself and I don't know about you, but I'm not alright with that. I would kill him." I explained. "Itachi and I get along famously as it is."

"I am perfectly content with being able to beat Alice and then give her back to her owner." Sasori stated. "Just like you, brat. I deal with you, but when I've had all I can take, I just send you right on back to Deidara. With Alice, I just send her back to Itachi. If I was in an intimate relationship with her, I wouldn't be able to do that."

"I know that. But I still think it would be cute. And that isn't very nice, Danna." Kathryn said with a roll of her eyes.

"What would be cute?" Kisame asked as he walked into the room.

Deidara laughed. "Kathryn had a dream that Alice and Danna were dating yeah."

Kisame stopped abruptly and looked between the two of us. He started laughing. "What? They would kill each other! I would have to kill myself to get away from their sarcasm."

"See?" I pointed at Kisame. "He knows how it is."

Kathryn shrugged. "What? It was a dream. It was weird too. Because you were making out with Kisame too."

Kisame snorted and buried his head in his arms on the table to smother his laughter. Sasori chuckled and Deidara laughed loudly.

I blinked. "What the fuck Kathryn? Since when do I act like Karin?"

Kathryn threw her hands up in the air in a shrug. "I dunno. Hidan was wearing a tutu half the time and kept quoting _The Sound of Music_, and Sasuke had a pet swan named Gloria that mooed the alphabet. Itachi was wearing orange clothes and those sunglasses with star-shaped frames… Kakuzu was a prostitute, Tobi and Suigetsu were in a band together. Zetsu and Jūgo had an animal and plant shelter and Pein kept singing that Cooking by the Book song from LazyTown or whatever. And then Konan killed Karin. I was just giving a "what the fuck" expression the entire time." She smiled. "Dei was just being his usual cute self."

"What are you on, and why aren't you sharing?" Kisame demanded.

"The only thing that made a bit of sense out of any of that would be Kakuzu and his prostitution occupation. Konan killing Karin would be nice though too though." I mused.

Kakuzu grunted at me when he entered the room. "Excuse you. If anyone here is being a prostitute, it is either you, Kathryn, or that redheaded slut."

"Now see, that isn't fair." I countered. "Sasori should be able to choose his own path Kakuzu. You can't just declare him a prostitute."

Sasori glared at me. "I hate you."

"See? This is why a relationship between Sasori and I would never work." I announced. I waved cheerfully at Itachi as he walked into the kitchen looking utterly confused. "Hi babe. Good morning."

"What are you talking about?" Itachi asked, walking over to my counter. He positioned himself between my legs and pulled my mouth to his for a good morning kiss.

"Kat had a dream about Alice and Danna dating, un." Deidara told him. "And she was making out with Kisame, yeah."

Itachi paused before looking at me, blinking in confusion. "What?"

"You also wore glasses with star-shaped frames." Kisame added. "And you wore orange clothing."

"Kathryn… I think it would be wise if you stop taking… whatever it is you took." Itachi advised. He turned around completely to face those at the table and leaned back against me. "It obviously has affected you mentally."

I snorted and wrapped my arms around Itachi's neck. I buried my face into the crook of my arm and his neck and just snickered away.

"What's affecting Kathryn?" Suigetsu asked, shuffling into the kitchen with Sasuke, Jūgo, and Sable. Sable was trotting beside Sasuke, looking utterly pleased with herself. She carried Sasuke's ridiculous bow belt in her mouth. Sasuke looked irritated.

"What happened, Sasuke?" I asked with a snicker.

"Sable woke me up this morning by ripping it off of me." Sasuke said dully. "She tripped me with it when I left the shower too."

I snickered. "Awe, she just wants to play with you."

Kathryn giggled. "I'll play with you Sable." She grabbed the end of the rope and pulled. Sable growled playfully and started tugging back. After a moment, she ended up ripping Kathryn out of her seat. She would have slammed her face on the table had Sasori not grabbed her and forced her back into her seat.

"Anyways, getting off the topic of Kathryn dreaming of me being a slut," I sighed, "let's move on to something more productive." I smiled. "The breakfast that is now done would be an excellent alternative."

"It's disgusting." Sasori snapped.

"So is your face." I countered in a singsong voice as I hopped off the counter to go and set everything up. It took a minute for me to set everything on the table so I didn't have to make individual plates. I then busied myself with Sable's food. "Where's Hidan?"

Everyone who bothered to listen to me shrugged. That consisted of everyone except for Kakuzu and Sasori. Fucking assholes…

"Sable, get Hidan!" I commanded.

She threw her head back and howled loudly before taking off in the direction of Hidan's room. I grinned and stood by the doorway, listening for Hidan.

"OUCH YOU FUCKING DOG!" Hidan shouted over Sable's barking/howling/growling.

"She's a wolf!" I yelled back.

"FUCK YOU, BITCH!" Hidan roared. Sable howled in response.

Kakuzu sighed. "We have got to teach that dog to not howl."

"Wolf. I think it's adorable." I informed him. "As long as she is my puppy, she may howl as much as she wants."

He glared at me. "You like being difficult, don't you."

"It helps me sleep at night." I nodded. I slid over to Itachi and wrapped my arms around him from behind before kissing him. "So does Itachi."

Itachi smiled slightly and leaned back in his chair to kiss my cheek.

"So, what is the plan for today, Danna?" Kathryn asked, resting her head on his shoulder in order to gain his attention.

Sasori glanced at her. "Alice will be training with Kakuzu."

"Jashin-damn it." I pouted.

Sasori smirked. "You will be training with me. Then everyone else is open to do whatever they want."

"Fuck. Why do I have to train with the person I just pissed off?" I pouted.

Kakuzu smirked. "Because. Fate hates you."

"Destiny does too." I added. "So does Ben Dover, Ivanna Shagalot, Jack Hoff, Anita Dickenme, Mike Oxbig, Moe Lester, Felia Balls, and all those other hookers down on the corner of Vine Street. They despise me because I about kicked Karin's face in." I glanced towards the door as Hidan walked in with Sable in his arms and Karin trailing behind him.

"Destiny and Fate are Neji's best friends though." Kathryn reminded me.

"Indeed indeed." I agreed. (That rhymes).

Hidan deposited Sable beside her food bowl and flopped into his chair. He instantly attacked the food. "Who wants to fucking train with me?"

Kisame shrugged. "I will.

"Deidara, you need a partner." Sasori grunted. "Itachi and Sasuke are training together."

Deidara looked at Suigetsu. "Water-boy, you're training with me, un."

"Fair enough." Suigetsu said indifferently.

"Jūgo, you can do whatever you want." Sasuke stated.

"Kathryn and Alice do not train for too long, and Sasori will probably take Alice once he's done with Kathryn. So you can wait for Kakuzu." Kisame told him.

Jūgo dipped his head. "Very well."

"What about me?" Karin wondered.

Everyone looked around at her as if they just realized she existed.

"Who are you?" Hidan asked as if to prove my point.

She huffed in annoyance. "I'm _Karin_. I've been living here for a while."

He looked confused. "Where the fuck have I been then?"

She pushed her glasses up her nose like the stupid annoying bitch she is and crossed her arms. "I can train with Jūgo."

"Who the fuck is Jūgo?" Hidan demanded. Jūgo waved his hand silently in greeting. "Oh! So that's your fucking name. I get it."

"Moron." Kakuzu growled.

"I will train with you, Karin." Jūgo said dully. "At least until Kakuzu is done with Alice."

Kakuzu looked at me with a hidden message of pure amusement in his eyes.

I sighed. "Look at him. He looks so eager to kick my ass."

Kakuzu chuckled. "Only slightly."

I thumped my head on Itachi's shoulder. He chuckled and stroked my cheek.

"Anyways," I began, lifting my head off my weasel's shoulder. "Shall we go?"

"Let's." Sasori concluded as he got to his feet.

"Alright. You guys go to the training grounds and I'll sneakily sneak away." I announced, backing away from Kakuzu.

"I don't think so." He grunted. His tentacles shot at me and wrapped around me.

"RAPE! TENTACLE RAPE!" I shouted as I was lifted off the ground and carried back towards the miser. He muffled my screams of distress with a tentacle and carried me effortlessly to the training grounds.

When we reached it, he dropped me on the ground but grabbed me by the back of my shirt before I could run away. I pouted in his grasp, resigned to my fate. Knowing my doom was approaching, I stood there pathetically, waiting for him to let me go.

Itachi stopped to give me a kiss before he moved to the far side of the massive room with Sasuke. Sasori and Kathryn moved to a far corner. Kisame and Hidan found a different corner and Deidara and Suigetsu went outside to blow shit up and be all watery and whatnot.

Jūgo and Karin took a small patch and did whatever the hell they wanted.

Did you guys know fighting with Kakuzu sucks?

Well it freaking does.

He's just too… Kakuzu.

Physical attacks do nothing to the guy, and he doesn't have openings like Sasori, Hidan, and Deidara do. Deidara has long hair to pull and Sasori has his heart container. Hidan's an idiot so he's easy to outsmart.

Kakuzu has fucking nothing.

He's smart, and he's incredibly strong, fast, and skilled. It's like fighting a brick wall. A sexy brick wall, mind you, but a brick wall all the same. Not to mention, he has fun picking on me with his massive height and his ability to kick my ass so easily.

He's like a deceptively meaner and sturdier Sasori.

Absolutely outrageous.

Anywhozal, we'll move on and I won't tell you all the details of me getting my ass handed to me by Kakuzu.

After Kakuzu was done mopping the floor with me, we both took a leisurely seat off to the side and watched the other people spar. Kisame was owning Hidan and Hidan was… well… being Hidan.

And by being Hidan, I mean he was ranting about Jashin while swearing his head off while also waving his scythe around like a madman while Kisame deflected his swings easily with his trusty Samehada.

Itachi and Sasuke were currently attacking each other with their fireballs. They had spent the past fifteen minutes just standing there, staring at each other. I could only assume they were genjutsuing it up because I couldn't see anything.

It was like a sexy man staring contest of doom from my point of view.

I only drooled a little bit.

Kathryn was pissing Sasori off by keeping him a decent distance away from her by putting her hand on his forehead and holding him at arm's distance. His little arms weren't long enough to hit her person, so he would hit the bend of her arm and then attack.

It was pretty amusing if I do say so myself.

Lastly, there was Jūgo and Whoreface McGee.

He was lazily throwing blows on her while she sloppily deflected them. However, a moment after he deflected a blow from her, he paused and went ridged.

"Uh oh." I said, elbowing Kakuzu.

He looked away from Itachi and Sasuke's fight to raise an eyebrow at me. "What?"

Jūgo suddenly doubled over and his shoulder began heaving.

"Jūgo is going psycho." I said hurriedly. I hopped to my feet. "YO! Sexy, pale brothers with extreme pink eye!" No one responded but Kakuzu chuckled a bit. "OI! WEASEL! DUCKASS!"

Itachi and Sasuke both stopped in their attacks to look at me.

"Good thing to know you two respond to those ridiculous nicknames." Kakuzu chuckled.

"One of you two, stop the massive ginger before he unleashes his bodily deformities on us!" I called, pointing in Jūgo's direction. "Aka, kills all of us with his psycho personality and his morphing!"

I then paused. "No… wait… let him kill Whoreface McGee first."

"Alice." Itachi scolded. He looked to his brother. "Sasuke?"

Sasuke jogged over to Jūgo, his bloodline whirrling. "Jūgo. Calm down."

Jūgo froze under Sasuke's gaze and he sank to his knees, bowing his head.

Sasuke nodded in approval, patted Jūgo's shoulder and then returned to Itachi's side. "So Aniki, are we done?"

"For now, I think we are." Itachi nodded. "At least, inside we are. If we went at it, I'm certain we would destroy the training grounds."

"Because _that_ wouldn't be a good thing." I said offhandedly as I glomped Kisame.

Kisame, who had just walked over from his finished fight with Hidan, chuckled and caught me. "It wouldn't be a good thing. Because then you would have to train outside in the rain."

I smirked. "Sasori can't get wet though. So he wouldn't be able to go outside."

"Kakuzu can though." Sasori challenged, smacking the back of my head.

"At least he doesn't stink like dead people like you do." I countered.

Sasori narrowed his eyes. "You're training with me now."

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Asshole." I scurried over to Itachi and wrapped my arms around his waist. "You're sexy. Can we go make babies? That way Sasori can't hurt me."

Itachi just looked at me with a smile and kissed my cheek.

"Alice. Come." Sasori barked, pointing to his side.

A bark sounded, and Sable suddenly ran over to where Sasori was pointing. She sat where he indicated and looked at him expectantly, searching for praise.

"Awe!" I cooed. "She's so adorable and obedient!" I rushed over to my puppy and flopped on the ground beside her, pulling her into a loving embrace. "Sable, you're such a good girl! Yes you are! You're mommy's little baby. Awe! I love you so much puppy!"

Hidan elbowed Itachi. "Does she do that shit to you too, Uchiha?"

Itachi narrowed his eyes at Hidan. "I will kill you."

"Bring it!" Hidan snapped. He watched Itachi's Sharingan shift before he obviously thought better of it and hopped away from Itachi, slamming his eyes shut.

"You're not very smart, are you?" Karin asked, looking at Hidan. He had hopped away from Itachi and landed beside Whoreface.

Hidan glared at her. "Shut up slut. I'll fucking sick the crazy bitch on you."

Karin rolled her eyes. "Idiot."

"Alice!" Hidan barked.

Considering I had currently been absorbed in my puppy, I didn't hear that conversation. However, once I heard my name, I stopped gushing over Sable and looked around. "What?" I located Hidan, recognizing his voice.

"This little slut just went for a fucking nut grab." Hidan grunted, throwing a thumb in her direction.

I blinked, my good mood vanishing in an instant. "Excuse me?"

"She just tried to fucking grope me." Hidan snapped.

My gaze slowly drifted to Karin. "Did I not already make it clear to you, that these guys belong to me? And have you not grasped the fact that I do not like it when people touch my shit?"

She gawked. "I didn't touch him!"

I stood, mentally swinging into a pissed off mood with a loud battle cry. "It seems I really am going to have to kill you."

"Alice. That will do." Itachi sighed, grabbing me as I marched by him, intent on killing Karin. He kissed me. "Hidan is lying. She called him an idiot so he turned you against her."

"Oh." I nodded. "Can I kill her anyways to make Hidan feel better?"

"No." Itachi said firmly.

I huffed. "Damn." I then shrugged indifferently. "Oh well. There's always next time."

* * *

_Indeed there is._

**_Fun Fact: _**_Kathryn is 17._

Answer: _I hate school with a burning passion. I hate people, I hate waking up in the morning, and I hate stupid topics. School is a building that combines those three things in bulk. So, I hate it more than just about anything. But, on a different note, my day was alright. I have a dentist appointment in like an hour. So yeah._

**QotC: **_What is the weirdest pick-up line you have ever heard/read/or used? Or, what is your personal favorite?  
_

_Hello anonymous reviewer Amy. This little greeting thing is specifically for you. _

_First off, I would like to thank you for the compliment of my talent. I appreciate it. However, the rest of your review brought about a few questions.  
1. How do you know my talent unless you know me personally? If you do know me personally, why don't you tell me in person that this is garbage? Don't get me wrong, I agree with you that this particular story is pretty shitty and it's full of mistakes and bad jokes. All of my stories are in my opinion. The only reason I write it is to cure boredom and make some people who actually enjoy it happy. But, if you think it is shitty, why do you read it? Why review the 73rd chapter of the second story and not the first?  
2. Why review anonymously? Unless you legitimately don't have an account, why hide? If you have input, tell me and don't be afraid to tell me what you think and why you think it. Unless of course you're actually scared of confrontation and you can't argue your point very well. I love debates so if you have something you'd like to say, say it to me so I can reply because I don't like making a scene out of it in my author's notes. But obviously, I certainly will. If you are afraid of me shooting you down and making you look like an idiot, then do not say something that will entice a reaction.  
I am not angry with you. I honestly could not care less about what you said because I agree with you completely. This story is below my talents, but I enjoy writing it because it has allowed me to meet and talk with pretty amazing people as well as find very impressive stories on here. Some, are even written by my lovely readers. Your review made me smile because it added to the immense number I already have. Reviews are not my main goal with writing this story. I wouldn't care if I got a total of five for all of my stories combined. I appreciate them more than anyone could understand, but I'm not some review whore.  
So I thank you for the review and the compliment. And I challenge you to discuss your opinion with me without hiding.  
_

_Moving on._

_I know that little... address up there might seem a bit hostile, but it wasn't intended to. I am not angry. I find it rather amusing, actually._

_Anyways, Lia, I thank you for your wonderful review. :) You made me very happy and it brightened my day a bit to read that. But don't worry, I've had a total of two negative reviews in all of my stories and I actually find them more amusing than anything else. But still, thank you._

_As for everyone else: I love you:) And thank you very much for all of the reviews and support. I am glad that most of you are enjoying this so if anything can be done to improve the story or entertain you more, feel free to let me know in a message or review or whatever you'd like._

_But, for now, I will be off._

_Toodles._


	76. Chapter 76

_This chapter is dedicated to _riptocs _and Kathryn._

_Both of them were/are sick so I decided to write them a chapter to make them feel better._

_So, enjoy._

_I am Kishimoto. Didn't you know that?_

* * *

Odio mi vida.

That is Spanish for: I hate my life.

Wanna know why?

I'm freaking sick.

I have the Influenza, more commonly known as the Flu. And I have all the symptoms it entails. My body shakes with chills and muscle pains. I have a fever, a sore throat, fatigue, a headache that could kill, and I'm coughing like no other. All of those symptoms are basically just thrown on general discomfort.

In short, my life sucks right now.

I sneezed and glared at the ceiling before rolling over in my bed and burying my face into the pillow with a groan. "Why do I have to be sick? Fuck me my head hurts!"

"Perhaps when you get better, I will." A sexy voice chuckled.

I lifted my head off the pillow and glared at the weasel standing in the doorway. "Fuck you and your health."

He smiled a bit and walked to the bed. He sat beside me and stroked my hair gently. "I am sorry you are sick, Alice. Do you need anything?"

"A gun. So I can shoot myself in the forehead." I growled into the pillow. I peeked at him. "Did you eat?"

"Yes. Jūgo made breakfast." Itachi said calmly. "Would you like something?"

I shook my head. "Jashin no. I was just worried about you."

"You are the sick one, Alice." Itachi reminded me.

"And you are the sexy one." I chimed. I huffed when he tapped my nose in disapproval before sneezing again into my sleeve. Itachi had forced me into one of his long sleeved shirts to try and sweat my fever away. "I hate my life."

He leaned closer to me and kissed my cheek. "Did you take the medicine Sasori brought to you?"

"Hn." I grunted in confirmation.

"Good girl." Itachi praised, patting my head in approval.

I frowned. "Cierre tu boca."

He chuckled. "I know what that means."

"You're learning then." I smiled a bit.

He ran his fingers through my hair. "I have a good teacher."

"I have a good student." I smirked. "I also happen to be sleeping with said student so I tend to give him bonus points." I frowned for a second and then sneezed before coughing.

Itachi handed me a glass of what I was told was orange juice from the table beside our bed. I thanked him and drank some. Once I was done coughing up a lung, I flopped back on the bed and sighed dejectedly.

Itachi positioned himself beside me so he was using my stomach as a pillow. I smiled at this and closed my eyes, coughing quietly to myself. "You wanna do something to make me feel better?"

He raised his eyebrow. "What?"

I smiled. "It requires you to take off your shirt, let your hair down, and give me a sexy smirk." I grabbed my phone and found a certain picture of him doing just that. "I would like to see this in real life."

Itachi stared at the picture with a deadpan expression. "Alice."

"Itachi?" I wondered with a smile.

He sighed and kissed my forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too. But that doesn't change the fact that I want to see your seductive face and sexy body." I nodded, coughing into my sleeve.

"Maybe later. We have company." He chuckled.

"Shit." I pouted. He threw me a small smirk in response.

A knock sounded on the door a second later, and Kisame, Sasori, and Sasuke came in. Kisame grinned at me. "Hey kiddo. How are you feeling?"

"Like I was just attacked by Samehada." I sighed.

"Samehada would never attack you." Kisame assured me, patting my forehead as he sat on the bed beside me. Sasuke sat at the foot and watched us.

Sasori walked over to me and poked my forehead. "Sit up."

I frowned at him but when he gave me a look I sighed and did as he asked. I winced at the pounding headache and pouted at the lightheaded feeling.

He held out a thermometer. "Here."

I took it from him with an eye roll and did as was required. About ten seconds later, it beeped. Sasori took it from me without asking and eyed it.

"Your fever went down. Which is good." He informed me. "Zetsu is getting you something now that will get rid of it much quicker than what I gave you earlier."

I gave him a look at the same time Itachi did.

"It's completely safe." He assured us. "Don't worry."

"What, are you afraid it's going to make her loopy again?" Kisame grinned. "I thought it was hilarious."

Sasori frowned. "I'd rather die than deal with that again."

"Oh come on. Surely it wasn't that bad." I pouted.

He stared at me. "You informed Pein about the sex organs of Koalas. You also went off on a tangent about coaxing your bathtub down stairs because it likes brown hair."

I blinked. "Well alright then. Maybe it was bad."

Sasuke raised his eyebrow. "What is wrong with you guys?"

"Don't ask." Kisame, Sasori, and I deadpanned.

Itachi just chuckled.

"You need to rest now." Sasori ordered. "That means no being dirty with Itachi. Also, there will be no getting riled up at the various idiots in this base for you."

I pouted. "Yes sir."

Itachi chuckled, kissed my cheek and stood. "I will let you sleep, Alice."

"Doubtful, but alright." I shrugged.

"Kisame, come. We will train." Itachi requested.

Kisame shrugged. "Alright." He kissed the top of my head before rumpling my hair. "Get better quick kid. Get some sleep."

"Alright Kisa." I smiled.

"I'll be checking on her periodically." Sasori said calmly. "And Zetsu will be in here soon to give her whatever it is he plans on giving her."

Sasuke made to comment but was cut off by a howling from somewhere in the base. I smiled, recognizing that beautiful noise as my puppy. Another howl ripped through the almost silence and it got increasingly closer before it ended.

When it ended, scratching was heard at the door.

"Sable's here." Sasuke announced. He watched Itachi open the door and allow my fuzzy baby in. She shot to the bed and leaped up on the mattress in a single bound. She hurried over to me and smothered me with kisses.

"Hi Sable." I smiled. "You're such a pretty girl."

She whined happily and wagged her tail in excitement.

Kisame patted my wolf while Itachi kissed my forehead before both of them left to go train. Sasori left a minute later, mumbling something about beating Deidara for going in his workshop.

I blinked as the puppet master left my room and shook my head at his antics. Sasuke was still sitting on my bed, petting Sable who had her head on his lap.

"It's a good thing you are so nice to my puppy." I stated, smiling at them.

Sasuke looked up at me and shrugged. "She's a good dog."

"She's a wolf. Not a dog." I corrected.

"My apologies." He deadpanned.

I smirked. "Apology accepted."

He smirked.

"So, how are you, Sasuke?" I asked, flopping back on my pillows. I grabbed Sable's tail and stroked it gently, causing her to wag it.

"Alright." He said boredly.

"I want more than one word answers, Uchiha." I frowned.

Sasuke looked at me. "Don't ask questions that can be answered with one word then."

"Why are you only alright?" I wondered.

The youngest Uchiha sighed. "No reason really. It's just a generic answer."

"So, how are you really? And answer honestly." I restated.

"I'm pretty good actually." Sasuke stated.

I smiled. "Much better. Care to elaborate?"

He smirked slightly. "Things have been going well for me." He looked at me. "I suppose I have you to thank for that."

"Awe. That's sweet." I cooed. Then I sneezed. "Shit."

He chuckled at me and situated himself on the bed so he was sitting cross-legged beside me. "I'm being serious."

"I know." I smiled. "So was I. That was sweet of you. But you don't need to thank me. It was my pleasure. You have no idea how much I love your brother. You have no idea how much I love you. And even I couldn't begin to describe to you the depth of your brother's love for you."

Sasuke looked down. "He… gave up everything for me."

"That he did. And he would probably do it again." I stated with a nod and a cough. "But, he's much happier now than I've ever seen him. And I have you to thank for that."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Awe, that's sweet." He mocked.

I laughed. "I'm so glad you know sarcasm."

"I assumed I should learn some if I was going to survive with you and Sasori." He deadpanned. "I have never seen people argue with sarcasm as much as you two do."

"We're professionals." I smiled. "At least we aren't like Hidan and Kakuzu though. They both argue just to argue. I swear they love each other."

Sasuke smiled slightly. "I'll take your word for it."

"So, how do you like it here?" I wondered.

"Everyone is insane." He said shortly.

I snorted. "That is definitely true."

"You are the worst one." He continued. "Other than Zetsu."

"Yeah… Zetsu has me beat with the split personality thing." I smiled. "Jūgo is pretty close to him though. I think he has me beat too. I'm next, just before Pein. Then it would have to be Hidan and Deidara. Sasori comes next, followed by Itachi and you. Kakuzu, Konan, and Suigetsu come last. I think the sanest one is Kisame in all honesty."

Sasuke chuckled. "What about Karin?"

"She's just a whore." I shrugged with a sniffle.

He rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it."

"Why do you deal with her?" I asked.

"She was useful." He shrugged.

I raised my eyebrow. "And now that you've given up revenge on your brother?"

"She followed me. I didn't bring her." He sighed. "I wouldn't have a problem with her if she kept to herself and didn't fawn over me every time she saw me."

"I think everyone would be alright with her if she wasn't such a slut." I sighed before I started coughing.

He lifted his shoulder with indifference.

"So… tell me…" Sasuke began, stroking Sable.

I raised my eyebrow as I coughed. "Hn?"

"Why do you love my brother?" Sasuke wondered.

"Kind of a girly question, Sasuke." I pointed out.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I'm curious. You two are very different."

I smiled and shrugged. "We're more alike than you'd think. We have a lot in common. I'm attracted to him, and for some reason, he's attracted to me. I adore his personality and he's found something to love about mine. Itachi makes me feel happy, safe, and loved. I can't live without him. Hell, I can barely breathe without him."

Sasuke hummed to show he was listening as he reached off the bed and grabbed a chew toy for Sable. "You know, he says the same things about you. He says that though you can be a little… extreme sometimes, he finds it entertaining and you always surprise him."

I laughed. "How does that work? I get pissy at something and he manages to calm me down every time. I'm as predictable as the sun setting. The only thing you can't predict is when I have my super mood swings."

"Yeah… those are rather random." Sasuke chuckled.

I coughed a laugh and patted Sable who was chewing on one of her toys. She looked up and wagged her tail at me before returning her attention to her toy. "That's what happens when you're bipolar. I guess you could compare me to Jūgo."

He snorted quietly in amusement.

"You know you're going to have to go after Killer Bee soon?" I wondered.

"Yeah. Leader told me." He said calmly. "Though, he said I was going to have to come to you to talk about it soon."

I smiled. "What better time than the present, ne?"

And so, I informed Sasuke about everything that occurred in his battle between him and Killer Bee. He asked questions, but otherwise stayed silent and listened carefully. We chatted for a time until we were interrupted.

Sasuke glanced around in a small moment of silence. "Zetsu."

I looked up to see Zetsu morphing out of my wall. He walked towards us boredly with a small dip of his head in Sasuke's direction. "Alice. I have something for you."

"Ah." I nodded.

"Sasuke, your Kiri friend is looking for you." Zetsu informed him. "**The weird one with the white hair.**"

Sasuke nodded. "He probably wants to spar." The young Uchiha stood, patted Sable, and said a quiet goodbye to me and Zetsu before leaving the room.

"**He's weirder than his brother.**" Zetsu grunted.

I snickered. "Yeah he is. But not by much." I smiled at the duel-colored man before me. "So Zetsu, what's up?"

He walked around to me and handed me a small bottle. "Drink this." He grabbed my glass of orange juice and moved it closer to me. "**It doesn't taste very good so you'll probably want something to get rid of the taste.**"

I sat up in the bed and took the bottle from him. I took the stopper out of it before drinking it swiftly like a shot of alcohol. A bit hit my tongue and I grimaced at the taste. Zetsu laughed at me so I flipped him off as I took a drink of water.

"I told you it tasted bad." Zetsu smirked.

"Yeah yeah." I growled. "You didn't tell me it tasted _that_ bad. I felt like I just drank liquefied shit."

He snorted. "**For all you know, you might have.**"

I laughed. "Since when is shit purple?"

"Food coloring." He shrugged.

I sighed. "You got me there." He chuckled. I smiled at him and cocked my head to the side questioningly. "Do you have a few minutes?"

"**For what?**" He asked.

"To chat with me." I clarified.

He cocked his head at me. "Sure. What do you want to talk about?"

I looked around. "Is anyone around us?"

He shook his head. "**No.** **Tobi is with Kathryn, Deidara, and Hidan. Sasori is with Kakuzu in the training grounds.** Itachi and Kisame are there as well. The redheaded girl is with the tall orange-haired guy. And Sasuke and his teammate from Kiri are outside."

I nodded. "Good."

"**Why?**" He asked.

I looked at him seriously. "I want to talk about Madara."

I shifted in my drug induced slumber when I felt a hand on my head. I winced at the pounding headache and the muscle pains as I returned to the conscious world. Blinking, I looked around for the owner of the hand.

"How are you feeling?" Sasori asked.

I sniffed, internally pleased that my nose wasn't stuffy anymore. "Uh…" I paused to think about his question. My headache was still there and my muscle pains were there. But my throat was feeling better and my sinuses weren't in the shitter. I was still tired, but not uncomfortably so. "Better."

"Good. That means whatever Zetsu gave you is working." Sasori nodded.

I looked around. "What time is it?"

"Dinner time." He told me. "Everyone else is eating in the kitchen. Kisame made food."

"Ah." I nodded. "How long have you been in here?"

"About fifteen minutes." He shrugged, sitting beside me.

I smiled. "Awe. Is Sasori worried about me?"

He glared. "No."

"The first step is denial." I smiled. "And the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Come on Sasori. I believe in you."

He smacked my forehead gently. "Shut up."

I laughed. "Alright. I apologize."

"Good girl." He praised. "Are you hungry?"

I shook my head. "Not really. But I should eat something. I only ate a bit when Kisame came in here earlier and basically shoved something down my throat. He's such a good mother shark."

Sasori dipped his head and grabbed a plate off the bedside table. "I thought as much. Tobi made it. I already checked it for clay because Deidara got pissed at him earlier and tried to blow him up a few times."

"You're so considerate." I smiled. I sat up, and took the plate of food from Sasori. "Thank you, Danna."

He nodded quietly and shifted in his seat so he was sitting beside me against the wall. He closed his eyes and crossed his arms as he waited for me to eat.

"Have you been feeling…?" He began after a few minutes.

"A little." I nodded, already knowing what he was talking about. "Nothing too intense though."

He hummed to show he heard me.

"Has anyone said anything?" He asked.

"Hidan." I admitted. "He came in here yesterday to chat with me."

Sasori raised his eyebrow. "He isn't who I was expecting."

"Who did you expect?" I asked.

"Kisame." He shrugged.

I nodded. "Yeah. I could see it. But Kisame's kind of oblivious to things."

Sasori chuckled. "That is true. But Hidan is worse."

I laughed and dipped my head. "That's also true. However, Hidan's pretty attuned to me. He always has been."

"Do you plan on sharing?" He asked.

"Not until it's obvious." I sighed. "I have a feeling things are going to fly out of my hands pretty soon though."

He blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Dunno." I shrugged. "I just have a weird feeling."

"It must be Zetsu's medicine." He chuckled.

I smiled. "That stuff tasted like shit."

"How do you know what shit tastes like?" He wondered.

"Two reasons." I began. "One," I held up a finger, "I have tasted Kathryn's cooking." He snorted and I held up a second finger. "Two: that's the taste in my mouth when I look at you."

He smacked me. "Bitch."

"Ouch!"

* * *

_Feel better my lovelies._

_And I hope you guys notice some of the clues and shit I dropped in here. :) It's not just a pointless filler. There are important things._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ 'X' became symbolic for a kiss because in the middle ages when alot of people were illiterate and they used to sign documents with an X and then kiss it for sincerity._

Answer: _Wtf was the question... oh yes. Pick-up lines. You guys suck at the pickup lines. Only like five of you came up with good ones:) I could write a small book on pickup lines. My favorite: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you. :)_

_No question today lovelies. I'm in a hurry. D: Sorry!  
_

_I'm out. Toodles._


	77. Chapter 77

_Enjoy, lovelies._

_Try not to hate me too much for this chapter._

:) _(decently long author's note down below)_

_I do not own Naruto._

* * *

You know, Karin can be an annoying bitch.

And I hate her. A lot.

She's a boy-crazy female with chakra and a fiery temper around Suigetsu.

I've tried to talk him into killing her multiple times.

And seeing as I'm a dominant, territorial bitch, it's a given that we will butt heads.

…I've also tried to kill her on numerous occasions…

But we won't go there.

However, after witnessing a particularly violent mood swing of mine that was directed at her for obvious reasons, she has realized that challenging me is not worth the potential effort.

Because even if she did try and fight me for the role of Alpha female outside of Konan, I would fucking win every time because I am the most stubborn bitch you could _ever_ find. Also because if she even touched me, she'd have ten very pissed off murderers at her throat.

Not to mention, she's been terrified of me for the past week or more because of the little incident which involved her touching what belonged to me. And just because her face pisses me off and I want to rip it off of her.

So, out of fear for her life on top of giving up her desire for sexy male criminal ass, she has made peace with me by apologizing to me, Itachi, Sasuke, and Kathryn, and offering to help me with the house work. Which basically means she'll be doing everything beside cooking unless I don't feel like doing it.

See?

We _can_ get along.

It just takes someone stepping down and agreeing to be my bitch.

And not touching my Uchiha and criminals.

Alice does not share with anyone other than Kathryn.

And if one of the Akatsuki turned out to be gay, I wouldn't be able to not share with them too. Who am I to deny yaoi between my favorite males in the entire freaking universe?

"I'm glad you aren't at the redheaded bitch's throat anymore. I couldn't take much more of the fucking glaring and killer intent you were leaking." Hidan stated, throwing himself on the couch beside me.

I looked up from Sable who was curled up in my lap. "Hidan, it isn't nice to talk about Sasori like that. We get along very well."

"Fuck you Alice." Sasori growled.

"No thank you." I smiled. "That's Itachi's job."

Itachi, who was sitting beside me, chuckled and patted my head gently.

I smirked. "And I don't think he intends on sharing."

"I don't." He said calmly with a shrug.

"Anyways, getting off the topic of you and the pussy Uchiha fucking like bunnies, what made you and the new bitch stop with the hostility?" Hidan asked.

I shrugged and glanced at Karin who was sitting beside Jūgo. "We just came to an agreement." She avoided my eyes. I'm pretty sure she knows she's still on my shit-list even though we made a truce.

"Meaning?" Hidan pressed.

Kisame snickered. "Meaning the new girl realized that Alice is in charge."

"I still give Konan authority." I stated, holding up my finger to make a point. "But all of the rest of you are my bitches. Hell, even Pein is my bitch. I just let him have authority so I don't hurt his ego." I smiled. "You know, him with his God complex and all."

"Your bluntness always amazes me." Sasori chuckled.

"You love it." I smiled.

He nodded, considering. "True."

"Alice-chan! Leader-sama wants to see you!" Tobi chirped, skipping into the room. "Leader-sama wants to see you two too!" He pointed at Karin and Jūgo.

I raised my eyebrow. "Weird choice of people." I shrugged after a moment and got up, kissing Itachi. "I'll see you in a bit."

I placed Sable on top of Hidan. She was not-so-secretly his little girl.

He had a soft spot for her.

Itachi grabbed my chin and brought my mouth to his so he could kiss me again. "I love you Alice." He whispered in my ear.

I smiled at him and kissed him one last time. "I love you too babe." I glanced at Jūgo and Karin. "You guys ready to go see Pein?"

Jūgo stood. "Let's go." Karin nodded and followed me with him, heading straight for Pein's office.

I knocked when we reached it and we entered at his command.

"Thank you for coming, Alice." Pein said calmly before dipping his head at the others.

"Don't mention it my fearless leader." I smiled. "I'm always happy to see you and Konan." I beamed at the blue haired woman in the corner who giggled and smiled back at me with a wave. "What's up?"

"I have a task for the three of you to complete for me." Pein stated. "Gathering supplies. It's a simple list, but you have to go to a village about four miles away. My people have become suspicious and many supplies here were damaged in the battle I recently partook in."

I nodded. "I understand. You want Jūgo and Karin to come with me? What about Suigetsu and Sasuke?"

"They will stay here." Pein informed me. "You three are more than capable of gathering these supplies without further aid." He eyed me. "And no killing your Shinobi protectors Alice. I don't care what sort of grudge you have."

"Sounds simple enough." I shrugged. "What time do you want us to leave? And don't worry. I promised I wouldn't touch her unless she touches what is mine."

"As soon as you're ready." He produced a scroll now that he was satisfied that I wasn't going to slaughter Karin. "This is a list of the supplies we need."

I took it from him and handed it to Karin. "I can't read Japanese. So you get to handle the scroll." I saluted Pein and performed a few twitches to which he responded with a sequence of his own. "We'll be back later Pein."

"Be careful. Konoha is still after you." He warned. "And please keep a low profile. You are a wanted criminal now, Alice. It would be rather unfortunate if anything happened to you."

That was a mild way of putting it.

"I know." I stated. "Jugo and Karin have my back."

Jugo dipped his head. "I won't let anything happen to Alice."

Karin pushed her glasses up. "I'll keep on the lookout for any enemy Shinobi."

S'right bitch.

"Right." I smiled. "Let's go and get ready."

Pein dipped his head. "Before you go, I would like to remind Karin and Jūgo, that if any harm befalls you and I find out they are the cause, they will not live to see the light of another day." Karin gulped nervously and Jūgo nodded. I just smiled and told him he was a sweetheart and requested that Konan praise him.

She laughed and agreed while he shooed us away.

We left Pein's office and went our separate ways to go and gather our things. I stopped by the living room to let everyone know what was going down and Itachi followed me back to our room to stay with me as I gathered anything I would need.

Unfortunately, because of recent events, my phone and iPod were both dead so they were confined to their chargers. And because of that, Itachi was twice as reluctant to let me go somewhere without him.

"I'll only be gone for a little while Itachi. I'll be with Jūgo and Karin." I stated, holding his face. "I'll be okay. Don't stress babe. I love you."

He grabbed my face and held it still as he kissed me. "I love you as well Alice. Please, please be careful. You're wanted. You have no idea how much danger you're in."

"I know." I soothed. "It'll be okay. I promise you that I'll be fine." I hugged him. "I love you with my entire being. I'll be back. And in the event that something does happen, I love you more than anything and I'll come back to you. I won't ever leave you."

Itachi sighed and hugged me back tightly. "I love you Alice."

"I gotta go babe." I sighed. I kissed him again and we walked to the entrance together. Sasuke and Suigetsu were talking with Karin and Jūgo.

"Make sure you watch her. She isn't a ninja so it's your job to protect her." Sasuke informed them. He looked in me and Itachi's direction as we entered the entrance hall.

"We'll be fine." I stated. "You guys are so panicky. Especially you Uchiha." I kissed Itachi and our canine baby that was sitting next to him before walking to the door. "Come on Jūgo, Karin. Let's get this over with."

"Be careful." Kisame ordered as he yanked me into a hug. He released me a moment later after fucking up my hair and stood beside his partner, grinning at me while I fussed over the mess he made.

"Got it. Bye guys." I smiled, unable to glare at him. I yelped in shock when Jūgo randomly scooped me up. He said a hurried bye before shooting out of the base with Karin by his side.

Stupid ninjas.

* * *

Have you ever had that weird feeling where you just _knew_ something bad was going to happen? That shitty feeling where, when something bad does happen, you have like a mental party because you predicted the horrible events and feel like you can tell the future or some shit?

I had it.

I glanced at Jūgo and Karin who walked on either side of me in the supposed grocery store we were in. "Hey guys?"

Jūgo looked down at me from his massive height of 6'6". "What is it, Alice?"

"I have a bad feeling about this…" I stated, trying to suppress the shivers that were threatening to run up and down my spine.

"What do you mean?" Karin asked, raising her eyebrow at me.

I frowned. "I don't know. I just have a bad feeling something bad is going to happen. Maybe it's just me being overly negative." Because _that_ isn't how I think about 90% of the time.

"I don't sense anything." Karin told me.

I nodded dismissively. "I believe you. It's probably just me being overly negative."

Jūgo put his massive hand on top of my head. "It's alright Alice. We're here to protect you. We won't let anything happen to you."

His contact was nice. It was kind of soothing like Kisame's. Maybe it's a massively tall guy thing. Either way, I'm glad Jūgo was there with me.

"Thanks." I stated.

And so, I started to relax.

That ended real fucking quick.

I shivered again as Karin, Jūgo, and I emerged from a shop and I frowned. "The feeling is back. I really don't like this."

Jūgo looked around the village before looking back at me. "I don't sense anything."

Karin made to confirm his statement before her eyes went wide and she gasped. "Shit!"

"Oh Jashin." I muttered. "What?"

"Four Konoha Shinobi are heading our way." She said quickly. "They're close. We need to get out of here."

"Damn it." I sighed. I took a step towards Jūgo who was the one that was going to be carrying me when suddenly a flash of green cut me off and I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head as someone hit me.

Fuck.

**Third Person!**

Neji caught Alice before she fell and jumped back when Jūgo made to strike him. "Sensei, I have her. We need to go. I'm sure they have backup close by."

Tenten launched some shuriken and kunai at Karin to send her back. Lee stood defensively in front of Neji and Alice, making sure that her two companions didn't interfere.

"Good work Neji." Gai commented. "I am surprised you Byakugan can see her so well."

"She is the only one I know of with not chakra." Neji stated.

"Alice!" Jūgo barked. He ran at Gai, only for his assault to be dodged. Gai jumped back and stood defensively by Neji and Lee.

Karin glared. "Shit! They're going to kill us if we don't get her back! I just fucking got off the hit list and I don't want to get back on it! The Leader will destroy us!"

"We have to go, Gai-sensei." Lee stated, looking around at his teacher. "As glorious as it would be to fight Sasuke's comrades, we must get Alice back to the village."

"Neji, Lee, you two go on ahead, Tenten and I will keep them from pursuing you." Gai ordered, falling into a defensive stance.

"I don't think so." Sasuke's cool voice cut in. He stepped from the shadows with Suigetsu. He glared, his Sharingan whirling as he unsheathed his blade. "Give her back."

"Now Neji." Gai barked, charging at Jūgo and Karin.

"Right." Neji complied, jumping back. "Lee, cover me."

"Of course." Lee obeyed. He backed Neji as said Hyūga turned around and took off, heading straight for Konoha.

Sasuke appeared in his path, his body low to the ground and his sword ready. He glared straight into Neji's eyes, murderous intent leaking from them. "Hand over Alice, and I won't kill you, Hyūga."

"I can't do that Sasuke." Neji retorted, his voice though calm, sounded bitter. "Why do you care about what happens to her anyways? She's an ally of the Akatsuki."

"So am I." Sasuke said simply, rushing at him. He was blocked by Lee who shoved him back, grabbing his arm and tossing him away. Sasuke caught himself on a tree, using it as a kickoff so he could rocket himself in their direction once more.

"What are you guys doing here?" Karin asked as Suigetsu swung at Gai's head with his massive blade.

"You guys forgot the money." Suigetsu stated with a smirk.

Jūgo raised his eyebrow in confusion and looked back at the discarded bags. "Then how did we get the supplies?"

"Alice was stealing them." Karin updated him. Jūgo looked shocked.

"Lee, take Alice and use your greater speed to get her out of here." Neji ordered dodging Sasuke as he flew toward them. "I'll hold Sasuke and his friends off."

He handed Alice's unconscious form over to Lee and watched him zoom off with her in his arms. "Tenten, engage formation Q." He charged Sasuke, chakra running into his palms.

Tenten nodded. "Gai-sensei, we're going with formation Q."

"Youthful decision Tenten!" Gai beamed as he fought Jūgo.

"Shit Sasuke, what are we going to do? He took off with Alice." Suigetsu stated. "I don't know about you, but I don't want to fucking deal with all of those Akatsuki guys. They'll fucking kill us." He shuddered, recalling what Kisame did to Hidan for giving Alice a bruise when they were wrestling a few days previously.

Sasuke frowned as Lee got further and further away from them with Alice in his arms. He landed a kick on Neji's chest before falling back to stand beside Suigetsu and Karin. "We should fall back and inform the leader of the situation."

Jūgo nodded as he joined them. "It would be best. It will be easy to retrieve Alice when we have all of their assistance."

"You're fucking telling them. I personally don't want to be sacrificed or eaten." Suigetsu grumbled. "Hell, your brother is going to flip."

"Let's hurry." Sasuke stated. He shot back towards the base, leaving the Konoha Shinobi behind. He frowned, wondering how he was going to tell his brother.

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FUCKING LOST HER?" Hidan shouted, kicking over the kitchen table as he shot to his feet angrily. "Do you have any idea what the fucking Uchiha is going to _do_ to you?"

Itachi walked calmly into the room a second later as if he was cued. "What are you ranting about Hidan?" His eyes fell on Jūgo and Karin who looked terrified of both him and Hidan. "Where is Alice?"

"They fucking lost her!" Hidan snapped, pointing at them, his eyes ablaze with rage.

Itachi's Sharingan flared. "What?"

Sasuke sighed and looked at his brother. "They were ambushed by Gai and his team." He closed his eyes. "We tried to fight them, but they held us back while Lee ran off with her. I'm sorry Itachi. We hurried back as quickly as we could to inform you guys."

"What about Gai?" Kisame wondered, walking into the kitchen. "What happened to the table?" He looked around. "Where's Alice?"

Itachi glanced back at his partner, anger and worry both evident in his usually calm expression. "Alice has been captured by Konoha. More specifically, Mite Gai and his team captured her."

Kisame glared. "That green beast bastard is going to die."

Kathryn skipped into the kitchen. "Why is Hidan yelling? And why is Gai going to die?" Deidara came in behind her a second later.

"Wow Hidan. You better pick that up before Alice comes in here and kicks your ass, un. You know how she gets when you make a mess of the kitchen, yeah." Deidara warned.

Hidan scoffed. "We won't have to fucking worry about it for a while. Dumb and fucking Dumber over here allowed her to get capture by leaf ninja. She's been taken fucking captive."

"If what you say is true," Sasori began, entering the room, "she will be subjected to severe torture. They know of her immense knowledge of us and our world. They'll break her to get information from her."

Kathryn's hands went to her mouth and she gasped. "No. Alice."

Deidara glared. "Danna, un." He wrapped his arms around Kathryn. She whimpered quietly and buried her face into his shoulder.

"We're going to fucking get her right?" Hidan asked.

Itachi looked at Sasuke. "Have you spoken to Leader yet?"

He nodded. "That's the first thing we did. He said he's thinking up a plan."

Itachi frowned and left the room at a brisk pace. He knew Madara was in there too. "I'm going to speak with him."

Kakuzu entered the kitchen, stepping out of the Uchiha's way as he stalked passed him. "Who pissed him off?" He took in the troubled expressions around the room and sighed. "The irony of this situation is blowing my mind."

* * *

_Alice has a knack for getting captured by ninjas/knocked out. I think it might be a hobby of her's. She's a pro at it._

**_Fun Fact: _**_My friend Matthew used a pickup line on me today. Jokingly, of course but, I found it hilarious: "Let's make like a fabric softener and snuggle."_

**QotC: **_I know I didn't have one last chapter. But that was because I was in a huge hurry and I had a lot of shit to do. Anyways, my question is: What do you want to be when you grow up? If you're already grown up, what are you studying to do/what are you doing?_

_Deep question, I know._

_Anywhoo... I have a few things to chat about today._

_1. My big brother/best friend/Jake, the muscular ginger that dances to caramelldansen with me and sings Lady Gaga on occasions, is leaving tomorrow. He's going to Ohio State University for engineering. I'm happy for him, jealous that he gets out of this hell-hole I live in, and sad he's going. He's honestly the only reason I have to smile in my house other than my dogs._

_2. My school has a fucking anime club now:D. It's pretty awesome and I'm pumped for it. We watch anime, discuss anime, and I think we'll probably end up having cosplay shit. I find it extremely amusing because everyone there is awkward as fuck. Now, I'm strange and I love strange people because they make me feel better about my insanity, but seriously... There are some weird kids there. XD It makes me happy._

_3. All of you. Go to _riptocs_'s page and read her shit. She wrote me some very nice song/fanfanfics on top of her other nice work. Also, go to my DA page or like my profile and seriously look at all the fanart I have. It's... amazing._

_4. All of you are seriously incredible and I love you so much. I cannot begin to describe my thanks to all of you. I appreciate all of the views, reviews, fanart, lovely messages, and words of support. Hell, I'd even appreciate insults and shit. You people are wonderful and each of you deserves like a medal or something nice. Because... yeah. You guys are that amazing._

_5. I have male readers and that just makes my day._

_6. I will neither confirm nor deny your assumptions as to what is/was going on in Alice Land that was hinted at in previous chapters. Nor will I tell you about the sketchy as hell conversations she had with Zetsu and Sasuke because that's for me to know and you to find out later. :D_

_I'm done now. Bye sweeties.  
_


	78. Chapter 78

_Yo hoes._

_78 chapters... Dern._

_Enjoy that which I do not own... (I only own the idea and the OCs)_**  
**

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

"Ouch." I hissed, rubbing my head. "Jashin damn whoever hit me."

I blinked and then shot up, looking around in a hurry as I remembered what happened.

Why does it feel like this has happened before?

Oh yeah, because it _fucking has_!

Damn all these mother fucking ninjas!

Do they get some sick pleasure from hitting me in the back of the head? Because that's just fucking weird.

I glared when I saw Neji, Gai, Lee, and Tenten sitting around the fire a few feet from me. They were talking quietly in undertones, being the stupid ninjas they were. "Oh_ fuck_ you guys." I growled. "Do I have a fucking label on me asking others to capture me? Is it like a game to you people? What is with you ninjas and taking people against their will on top of fucking knocking them out! I don't have chakra! You could throw me over your shoulder and carry me to hell and back and I wouldn't be able to do a damn thing! My strength cannot compete with yours, nor can my speed! It is _not_ necessary to knock me out!"

"As soon as she wakes up, she starts yelling." Neji sighed, his pupil-less orbs flicking to me when he realized I was no longer unconscious.

"You're damn right I'm yelling!" I barked, pointing at him angrily. "You just fucking kidnapped me! And you gave me a damn migraine!" I got to my feet, still fuming. "Do you guys have a fucking problem? What part of, 'I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO KONOHA' do you not fucking get?" Neji stood up as well. "I mean come on! Do I need to spell it out for you! Would you like me to write you a Jashin-damned persuasive essay complete with a signature in blood or something? I mean, are you fucking retarded?"

I would apologize for that politically incorrect term if I wasn't as pissed as I am.

"You hold too much information. You will be taken back to Konoha and you will undergo questioning. You are a prisoner now." Neji stated in the holier-than-thou attitude. "Whether you like it or not Alice, your fate lies in the hands of our superiors."

His attitude was _really_ starting to piss me the fuck off.

They crossed the damn line.

And I _love _my line.

"Fuck you and fuck Konoha." I snarled, poking his chest and getting all up in his grill. "I'm not telling you shit you little stuck up bastard! Torture me all you fucking want and you won't get a damn word out of me!" He didn't back away from me, but I could tell he was shocked at my anger. "I'll gouge your fucking eyes out and make you fucking eat them you little fuck! Let me the fuck go or you will _all_ regret it! Not only are you endangering the entire damn village, but you are wasting your time because I'm not saying _anything_!"

Neji made to comment but I cut him off. "Don't speak to me you snobbish prick. I'm pissed off right now and I'll kill you if you make me any madder. I don't give a damn what your superiors have to say to me. I am not a citizen of Konoha. I mean you no harm and I will do whatever the fuck I want when I want because I am from the United States of fucking America and it is a free country." I need to learn to shut my mouth. "Get your illegal immigrant ass away from me before I report you and have you deported."

Yeah. I'm pretty angry. I'm starting to threaten random bullshit.

Neji obviously agreed. "What?"

"I just told you to shut your mouth Hyūga." I snarled. "You can shove your fate and destiny bullshit up your own ass because I don't want to hear another word about it. I won't say shit to your Hokage, nor those shitty council members who think they run the place. In fact, I'll shove my boot down their throat until it comes out their ass!"

"We do not need you to cooperate." Gai said, serious for once. "We can forcibly extract the information we need."

I glared at his stupid eyebrows and bowl cut. "No you fucking can't. I don't have chakra you exuberant shit. Your Genjutsu and jutsu don't fucking work on me. Let me go, or so help me I'll _let_ the Akatsuki kill you rather than trying to protect you guys like I have."

"What do you mean?" Lee asked.

"Why do you think they haven't attacked Konoha to get Naruto yet?" I demanded. "Because Itachi and I have been begging them not to! I _care_ about you guys and I don't _want_ any of you to get hurt, but you've all just signed your death warrant by taking me! They_ will_ come after me, and they will do _anything_ to get me back." I frowned. "You have no idea of the level of destruction they can cause. Konoha will be reduced to rubble!"

Tenten's eyes widened. "We need to return to Konoha. Now. If what she's saying is true, we need to inform the Hokage immediately."

"Tenten is right." Gai agreed. "Lee, carry Alice."

I glared at him as he got up awkwardly to come towards me. "Don't fucking touch me Lee." I started backing away. "I'm going back. If you don't want to die, let me go. Please, you don't know what can happen. You'll regret it. I swear you will. Please guys. I'm begging you as someone who cares. Do _not_ take me to Konoha."

"No Alice. You have to come with us." Neji said firmly. "Lee."

Lee gave me an apologetic expression as he picked me up gently. "Alice, do not struggle. I do not want to hurt you."

Really? You try to help people and they spit in your face!

"Then put me down!" I shouted, trying to get free of him. Damn these ninjas and their super strength. "I don't want to go!"

"Lee, hold her still so I can bind her hands." Neji said with a sigh.

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT A LOT OF YOU WILL DIE?" I yelled. "I'VE SEEN WHO ALL DIES IN THIS FIGHT, DAMN IT!" I shook my head and punched Neji in the face. "Let go of me! I WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE! I don't want you guys to die!"

"I'm sorry about this Alice." Neji growled, supporting a bloody nose.

Is it bad that I felt satisfaction at knowing I made his face bleed?

My vision went black as he knocked me out _**once again**_.

Jashin damn it.

**Third Person!**

"Are you alright with attacking Konoha, Itachi?" Madara asked. Itachi was pacing back and forth in Pein's office after Sasuke informed him that Alice had been captured.

Itachi paused and looked at him. "I will do whatever is necessary to get Alice back, even if that means destroying the village that was once my home."

Madara glanced at Pein, internally pleased about Itachi's words. He could finally get revenge on that wretched village and it was all thanks to Alice. "It looks like now it is time for me to reveal myself as the true leader of this organization. What do you say, Pein?"

"According to Alice, it is around this time that you do anyways." Pein stated. "I trust your judgment on this matter and I will help make sure that the rest of the members understand that you are their true leader."

"Good." Madara stated. "We will go after Alice soon." He glanced at the other occupants in the room. "Itachi, Zetsu, gather everyone for a meeting."

"Right." Zetsu obeyed, going into the floor. Itachi dipped his head and left the room.

He and Zetsu quickly accomplished their task and they led the way to the meeting hall. Itachi sat beside his partner while Zetsu took a seat at the head of the table.

Madara and Pein walked into the room last. Konan was already sitting at the table waiting for them.

"Oi! Leader-sama! When are we going to get Alice?" Hidan demanded from his seat between Deidara and Kakuzu.

"We will be going after her soon, Hidan." Pein stated. "However, there is a pressing matter that must be dealt with now." He looked at Kathryn. "Are you aware of the leading member of this organization, Kathryn?"

Kathryn raised her eyebrow before nodding. "Yeah, I've always known. Why? Are you telling everyone else?"

"It is time they knew." Pein nodded.

Kathryn smiled weakly. "I've always wanted to see their reactions."

"What are you two talking about?" Sasori asked.

"Pein isn't the true leader of the Akatsuki." Madara stated. He smirked beneath his mask at all of the shocked expressions at his deeper, less chipper voice. "I am."

Deidara gawked, his jaw dropping. "Bullshit, un."

Kathryn giggled. "He isn't lying Dei. Tobi's the true leader of the Akatsuki. The hyperactive Tobi is just an act. Tobi isn't even his real name."

"What the fuck?" Hidan questioned.

Madara removed his mask enough to show them his Sharingan. "I am Uchiha Madara. I am the true leader of the Akatsuki and it is time that I took over that role."

Sasuke looked shocked that another Uchiha was alive.

Everyone else looked shocked because of Tobi's deep, not-so-annoying voice and the lack of his hyperactive persona. None of them knew how to take it.

Deidara was gawking, still waiting for someone to barge in yelling April-Fools! Even though it wasn't anywhere near April.

"How are you still alive?" Kakuzu asked. "You're older than I am."

"I am immortal." Madara stated.

Sasori frowned. "I call bullshit."

Kisame raised his eyebrow. "Did Alice know about this?"

"Alice knew about me even before we met her back in her world." Madara nodded. "She kept my identity a secret at my request. Zetsu, Kathryn, Pein, Konan, and Itachi were also aware of my identity."

"Told you Dei." Kathryn beamed.

"So when you posed the question of what we would do if Tobi was actually the leader, you were actually hinting at the truth?" Sasori stated.

Kathryn nodded. "Yep. I never told you because Madara-sama wanted to keep his true identity a secret."

Deidara shook his head. "Why the fuck did you act like that then, un? If you're older than Kakuzu, an _Uchiha_, and the leader of this organization, why did you act like a retard, un?"

Madara chuckled beneath his mask. "You were fun to annoy."

"You're an asshole Tobi." Deidara stated. "Shit, I mean Madara, un."

Madara smirked under his swirled orange mask. "Now, about Alice…"

**First Person Alice!**

I winced as I opened my eyes, cursing the bright light as it blinded me. My cursing only intensified as I recognized the familiar set up of Tsunade's office. My hands were still bound and I was being held bridal style by Neji.

His nose was still swollen and I could see dried blood.

I smirked.

Asshole fucking deserved it.

"Well done." Tsunade praised. Her eyes fell on me and she noticed my glaring. "It appears Alice has finally regained consciousness."

"Oh fuck _you_ Tsunade!" I shouted. However, it was then that I realized I was gagged.

"I don't know what she said, but I have a feeling it was rather rude." Kakashi's smooth voice said. He was standing off the side, leaning on the windowsill.

I scoffed and nodded, glaring all the while.

"Alice, if we release you, will you try to refrain from saying anything hurtful?" Tsunade asked.

"Fuck that." I mumbled into the gag.

"I think she just said no." Neji said as he set me down.

"Yeah, you let my mouth go and I'll fucking scream my head off insulting you." I snarled. "Don't fucking tempt me you big-breasted bimbo. I'll fucking end you."

Kakashi sighed. "Alice, we have some things to discuss with you so you're not treated like vermin here. Please cooperate."

"Fuck cooperating and fuck you!" I yelled.

Tenten sighed. "She's so stubborn."

I glared at her.

"Where did she get all of those scars?" Tsunade questioned.

"Choji." I stated.

Neji raised his eyebrow at me. "What."

"CHOJI." I repeated slowly.

"Choji?" Lee asked. I nodded. "Why would Choji do that to you?"

Kakashi sighed. "In the battle between Hidan and Kakuzu, Choji caused part of a tree to snap off its rooted portion and it crushed Alice beneath it. It should have killed her."

"You don't know Sasori, Kakuzu, and Konan." I growled.

"Since you seem to have calmed down, I'm going to let you speak." Tsunade stated. "Don't make me regret that decision."

I gave her a smirk.

They were getting sick of not being able to understand me.

Fuckers were going to regret letting me go.

"Alice." Kakashi scolded. "Since you're not a ninja, you won't be able to survive the Hokage's wrath."

I glared at him and sighed. "Fine." I muttered. Neji removed the gag and I bit my lip as I glared at Tsunade. "What do you want from me?"

"You have information that we need. Also, you possess information that I refuse to allow to fall into the hands of our enemies." Tsunade said calmly.

"You won't get shit from me." I retorted. "Orochimaru tried the same shit on me and he got nothing but insults and sarcastic comments. You're wasting your time. Not to mention, you have no idea the trouble you have just put Konoha in by taking me from the Akatsuki."

"We can hold our own." Gai assured me.

I laughed. "You have no idea the death and destruction my leader can cause. By himself he could fucking destroy this entire village with a single move. The very same one who took down Jiraiya by himself. He's the same one who is making Naruto want to train with the froggies so he can get strong enough to beat him. You can't beat my leader. Naruto can't either."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "I've seen the result of this battle, and let me tell you, it is not worth it. Trust me. Everything you and the Hokage before you have worked so hard to develop and protect with be destroyed in a manner of _seconds_."

Tsunade's eyes narrowed. "You will tell me what you know."

I shook my head. "No I won't. You can't make me."

"Gai, fetch Ibiki." Tsunade stated. Gai nodded and his team followed, leaving me alone

in the middle of the room.

"Oh, Ibiki huh? Whipping out the interrogator? Fuck you. I know his tricks. They won't work on me. Torture won't either." I stated. "What about Yamato? Gonna get him to use the scary creeper face on me? You ain't got shit on me, Tsunade. You think you're gaining an advantage by taking me in, but you're just wasting your time. You're setting yourself and your village up for death and destruction."

"We could kill you." Tsunade threatened.

"You won't." I said simply. "You need me. Besides, I'm not afraid to die. Bring it on."

I watched her sigh slightly as she realized I was right. I closed my eyes and sighed myself. "Look Tsunade, I don't want to be responsible for the deaths of hundreds. Please. For the sake of your village and a bunch of the people that I care for, please let me go. If you let me go, the Akatsuki will not attack. But if you keep me here, there will be nothing left. I swear to you."

Tsunade shook her head. "We cannot let you go. The information you possess is far too valuable."

"If you don't want to die and if you want to save the lives of just about all of your villagers, you'll let me go. I could list off the people that will die when the Akatsuki come for me." I growled. "You people don't care about me as a person. You just want me because I threaten you with my knowledge. Well, listen to me when I tell you this: when the Akatsuki come for me, it'd be best if you two stayed away from them. That way you can live because if not… well let's just say you won't be functioning after you run into them."

Kakashi frowned. "The future is not set in stone. And you're their informant. We expected them to come after you to retrieve their information. We have prepared for this." I just laughed. No they haven't.

"They could just use Kathryn if that was the case." I said. "You don't know them. I'm a member of the family. They care about me just as much, if not more than you care about Naruto. They may be criminals and murderers, but they have hearts too. You don't know anything Kakashi. You think they're evil, but you don't know them."

"Itachi destroyed his entire clan. He slaughtered his parents and relatives and left his brother to die." Kakashi stated.

"Do you know why Itachi did that?" I asked. "Because I do. I'll tell you if you want. Did you know that Itachi is one of the two reasons why Konoha has never been attacked yet? Did you know that he destroyed his clan for the village? That he infiltrated the Akatsuki to keep an eye on them but after living with them, a bond formed?"

I glared at their confused faces.

"Itachi loves this village more than he did his clan with the exception of Sasuke. He traded everything to keep the village and Sasuke safe. And you people hunt for him as if he were game. You all disgust me with your lack of knowledge and your so called 'justice'."

Tsunade and Kakashi both exchanged looks.

"Did you know Itachi was _ordered_ by Danzo, those two elder assholes, and the third Hokage to kill his entire clan so they didn't start a civil war? The one person he couldn't kill was Sasuke. He lived his life preparing to die at Sasuke's hands until he met me." I frowned. "You do not know me. You don't know Itachi. And you don't know the rest of the Akatsuki. So don't fucking make judgments about them."

"How do we know you're not lying?" Tsunade asked.

"How else can you explain the fact that Itachi and Sasuke are still alive and both members of the Akatsuki? Why else do you think I hate Danzo so much?"

"A few good deeds are not enough to compensate for a life full of bad ones." Kakashi stated. It was so close to the quote from Pirates of the Caribbean that I almost fainted. Except, Kakashi didn't speak with a British accent.

"Yeah, and you've committed bad deeds in your life too asshole." I snapped. "Just because they seem evil to you, doesn't mean they are. You are the self-proclaimed 'Good Guys'. But good is a point of view. It's an opinion. In my opinion, you guys suck ass compared to the Akatsuki."

"How do you know they're not lying?" Tsunade stated. "It could be an act."

"They all should have ten Oscars then." I growled, not caring that they didn't know what I meant. "Every single one of the Akatsuki has protected me and cared for me since the day I met them. You have no idea what they're like."

I looked over my shoulder as the door opened. "It's been lovely chatting with you, but I'm going to be silent now. I'm not telling you anything more than I have."

Ibiki walked in with Ino's dad, Inoichi. Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji followed in behind them. I mentally thanked Jashin for my lack of chakra. If I had it, they could infiltrate my mind. However, since I lacked it, I was invulnerable to any torture other than physical.

"Alice?" Shikamaru asked, obviously shocked that I was there.

Me too, bud. Me too.

I just gave him a glance.

"You called Hokage-sama?" Ibiki asked, looking down at me, raising a scarred eyebrow.

"Yes. I need you to interrogate Alice. She has already said that she isn't going to cooperate. Inoichi, you will also be useful in case she really doesn't talk." Tsunade said. "Be careful. There is no telling what sort of protective jutsu that may have been placed on her. She's an ally of the Akatsuki and, according to her and other reports we have received, the lover of Itachi Uchiha."

I closed my eyes, ignoring the slightly shocked gazes.

Itachi…

"As you wish ma'am." Ibiki bowed. He grabbed my shoulder. "Come on."

I complied silently. I was already composing myself to prepare for the painful torture. They wouldn't get a word out of me. No matter what they did to me, I would not give in.

"Alice?" Someone called. I looked in their direction as I was led out of the Hokage tower to see Kiba, Hinata, and Sakura. I sighed at them and shook my head in disappointment as I continued on with Ibiki and Inoichi to where I would be interrogated.

Here it goes.

* * *

_No, to answer about a million questions, I am not going to be ending the story any time soon. Chill. :)_

**_Fun Facts: _**_I fucking _hate_ texting lingo like "wat r u doin?" It seriously pisses me off. I swear to Jashin, if anyone ever talks to me like that in a serious conversation again, I will punch them in the face the next time I see them. If I don't ever see said person again, I'll fucking jump through the internet and rip your throat out. Is it that big of a deal to type out actual, full words? I understand when Trolls do it because they mean to piss people off by being morons, but Jashin-damn it, stop doing it in casual conversation._

Answer: _Excuse the rant please. I am not in a very good mood at the moment. As for what I want to study when I go to college/want to be when I grow up: I want to be an interpreter/translator with Japanese, Spanish, and German. I am already fluent in Spanish and Japanese is decently easy to learn with all of the boxset teaching things and how-to books. And German is a few of my relative's native language so it won't be too bad to learn. I'm excited to learn this stuff. I was surprised that a lot of you share my goals for the future._

**QotC: **_College/University or Job only? Which do you plan on doing? (And no, I am not paid to ask you guys these questions. I am genuinely curious to know more about you guys because you make me smile.)_

_I don't really have anything to say. I'm not in a very good mood and it instantly started about... an hour ago when I got home from my internship. The second I walked into my house, I just got pissed off and wanted to break everything I saw. So... yeah... I'm in one of those moods._

_Anyways... I love you guys. And I hope you have/are having/had a wonderful day. :)_

_Check ya later._


	79. Chapter 79

_Well now... Happy Friday._

* * *

This sucks.

I'm pretty sure there is more blood on the floor around me than what's exactly healthy. And the puddle was only increasing in size as blood continued to ooze out of my various wounds.

And Ibiki was starting to get frustrated.

No matter what any of them did to me, the only thing I said was a big old "fuck you". It wasn't nice of me to do so, but then again, these fuckers took me from my Akatsuki and they were torturing me so they can go and die.

But damn did the physical part of the torture hurt.

Ibiki tried to use psychological torture on me. He also tried to coax me into talking by making me bleed. When jutsu and his kunai didn't work, he tried to do it just through words.

I just laughed in his face.

I lived with a psycho for a good portion of my life.

And his issues only increased my own.

And once I left his company, I moved in with ten others.

Ibiki's attempts were a wasted effort.

You can't break someone who is already broken.

I was currently sitting in the chair across from him with my hands tied to the back of the chair, laughing my ass off at his most recent attempt to mentally break me. He was trying to analyze my life and try to guilt me into breaking down.

These ninjas know nothing about the psychotic bitches from Ohio.

Their worst enemy is a guy who dresses like a lollipop.

… Okay even I have to admit that is kind of ridiculous…

Ibiki glanced at Inoichi who was in the room with him. "I've run out of tactics that don't involve extensive torture."

Inoichi sighed. "I've sent for Kakashi. He might be able to get through to her. Either way, that's enough for one day. Make her bleed anymore and she'll pass out."

I just laughed. "Bring it fuckers. I love watching you try and analyze me."

Ibiki frowned at me. "You've got guts kid."

"It ain't guts." I snickered. "I'm just bat-shit crazy."

A knock sounded and the door opened to reveal Kakashi. He sighed when he saw me sitting on the chair, snickering. "What's going on Ibiki, Inoichi?"

"She hasn't breathed a word other than insults, teasing, and laughing." Ibiki stated. "No matter what I've used on her to avoid extensive torture, she just laughs in my face."

I snickered. "You don't know me. You don't know what I've got."

"I can't infiltrate her mind. Because she has no chakra, nothing I can use to get information out of her works." Inoichi added.

Kakashi walked around to stand in front of me.

"Hey Kakashi." I smiled. "You know, you were always my favorite before I met Itachi. That's changed recently though. I still love you to death, but you are keeping me from my weasel." I glared. "Alice does not like that."

"Alice, I'm trying to help you. Cooperate and you won't be in this predicament." Kakashi pleaded. "Don't make us resort to torture."

"Bring it on." I stated. "I want you to. You won't get anything out of me regardless though. I'm not going to sell out my family just because you guys are hurting me."

Kakashi sighed. "Alice, please."

"Nothing you say will make me change my mind." I said coldly. "I don't care what you do to me. And if killing is an option, I suggest you try to refrain from doing so. Itachi will try to keep the village from suffering too much, but if you kill me, he'll unleash his wrath and you'd better believe he is scary when he's angry."

"You insist that Itachi is actually a good guy." Kakashi stated. "Where's your proof."

I smirked. "Oh Kakashi, do you honestly think someone with my knowledge doesn't know every detail?" I giggled. "Silly Copy Ninja."

He sighed. "I'll have a cell arranged." He got to his feet. "I'll pick ANBU members to watch over her personally. I guess we will have to resort to torture. She isn't going to tell us anything."

"You're damn right I'm not." I cackled. "Bring on the torture!"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry Alice."

"Yeah, me too." I sighed. "I didn't like seeing half of you guys die either. Tell Choji to make sure he gives his dad a big old hug."

Yeah, I expect this to go about like Pein's invasion of Konoha.

Which means Kakashi is probably going to die.

As are a great number of the others.

Hopefully not though.

He paused and looked around at me. "Choza dies?"

"I never said that." I stated, looking away. "I do know who does though. I don't think I'll tell you though. After all, you have fucked up my life by taking me from my weasel."

He sighed and looked at Ibiki and Inoichi. "I'll send an ANBU agent back to get her." And with that he left the room.

A few minutes later I was picked up by some guy in a dog mask. He forced me through some hallways and to a cell. He shoved me into it and chained my hands and neck to the wall. I just sighed and closed my eyes.

I missed my weasel.

My Itachi.

I sorely needed to hold him.

Because the only thing I could think of was his last words in the anime when he poked Sasuke in the forehead and apologized for everything he did. I replayed his death over and over in my head and no matter what I did, I couldn't stop it.

I needed him.

I need him so bad it hurt.

This pain was worse than the torture.

"Itachi." I whispered.

* * *

I'm slowly losing my mind.

I swear I've been singing the same song under my breath for the last three hours.

And all the while, I've been having serums and shit shot into me. I've had whips attack me and knives and blades digging into me. Clubs and other blunt objects have pounded their indents into my person.

And I just keep on singing.

What song do I sing?

Well the Masochism Tango by Tom Lehrer of course.

It's the perfect song to sing when you're getting beaten.

I'm sure I look like a bloody pulp right now.

And I'm fairly certain that I look like a nutcase too. I'm covered in blood, laughing my ass off while I'm getting the shit beat out of me, and I'm singing a song about being a masochist. Yes, I am insane. What was your first clue?

This has taken first place in painful tortures.

This torture makes Orochimaru's look like a tickle fight.

And I'm not ticklish.

In fact, it makes me wish Louis was here torturing me. That would at least give me some amusement. But, I think that's out of the question at this point. Besides, if he was here, Konoha would be in ruins because he would go fucking nuts and kill everyone who ever even looked at me.

Getting off the topic of my crazy best friend that I miss…

My head is pounding from the beatings and blood loss. My back is throbbing because the serum Sasori made me has finally worn off. My entire body is throbbing because on top of my back pains and the abuse I've endured, I have shit digging into my back.

Damn it.

I'm going to lose it soon. And I'm pretty sure when that happens, the Akatsuki will prefer me dead.

It's maddening to think that I could possibly lose my mind. I mean, what if they come for me like an hour after I finally snap? They'd have risked their lives for nothing. And that would mean I'd be leaving Itachi. The thought of that happening in itself makes me depressed.

This entire situation pretty much sucks ass.

But there are a few things that I think of that make me regain control on my sanity the more that I think about it…

Itachi. From his perfect appearance to his amazing personality, Itachi is the reason I'm still alive. He is the reason I haven't already lost it and went insane. I would never be able to forgive myself if I broke my promise to him and died out here. I swore I'd never leave him and I intend to keep that oath.

I could never leave him alone. Especially not now.

Kathryn. My best friend in the entire world. I couldn't possibly lose my sanity. I couldn't leave her alone either. I owed her too much to possibly leave her.

Kisame. I would be damned if I even considered abandoning my most favorite shark. Kisame was my life outside of Itachi and Kathryn. He was my best friend and older brother, this is true. But he was more than that. Kisame was… my Kisame. And I love him dearly.

Deidara and Sasori. My artists, my big brother, my not-so-secret fake lover/Sarcastic rival. They are probably two of the few people I love the most in this world. I wouldn't be able to abandon them, nor leave them with an eternally distraught Kathryn. Not to mention, I still have to attack Deidara and beat Sasori in a sarcasm battle again.

Hidan, Kakuzu. Don't know here I'd be without these two. Hidan would kill me if I allowed someone other than him to kill me. He would be pissed if I snapped completely if it wasn't by his doing. I couldn't disappoint my brother of the faith, could I? And then Kakuzu would be pissed because he would be out of a wallet-filler, a source for intelligent conversation, as well as someone who enjoys tormenting Hidan as much as he does.

Zetsu, Pein, Konan, Tobi/Madara, and my puppy.

Ah Zetsu… Where would I be without my behind the scenes best friend and partner in crime? I owed it to him, for everything that he has done for me, to survive long enough to thank him and attempt to pay him back.

My leaders. Konan would skin me if I let something like this torture break me and death was out of the question. Pein would just bring me back to life to kill me again. And then Madara would torture Kathryn to get the information he needed to rule the world.

My puppy! How dare I even think about leaving my beautiful baby?

Hell, I'd even take Sasuke and his gang of misfits.

They are the only things I have. They're all I need.

Fuck this torture. I have to stay somewhat sane for my murderers. I can handle this. I just have to hang on long enough for them to come for me.

If they do that is…

Will Madara risk his plans to save me when he has Kathryn to get information? Will they allow Itachi and the guys to come for me? I know they say they care for me, but what am I compared to their goals?

Madara is the leader and he has Pein under his thumb. I know he would do anything to accomplish his goals and fulfill his desires. So what am I to that? Madara's an evil, yet sexy and strangely appealing bastard who has my respect for what he is. And he would sooner throw me to a starved shark than go out of his way to save me.

Besides, they managed just fine without me before.

All I've done is increase their chances for success.

To be quite honest, I'm not really all that important. There's nothing I can do that Kathryn couldn't. I don't really have a purpose except for to ease some tension and befriend the members.

But Kathryn will try.

My shark, my immortals, and my artists will try.

Itachi will try.

They're enough.

They're all I really need.

_He_ is all I really need.

Itachi Uchiha.

I smiled, thinking about his sexy chuckle and that wonderful smile that warms my heart in any situation. And I laugh, thinking about how this torture will never make me change my feelings towards my lovable weasel.

**Third Person!**

"Why is she laughing?" Ibiki questioned.

"Maybe she's finally snapped." One of the masked ANBU agents stated. "At least she stopped singing that weird song."

Alice was lying on her stomach in a pool of her blood on the floor. Her body was black, blue, and red from the cuts and bruises covering her but she continued to laugh as if they were tickling her.

She had lost the ability to move on her own some time ago. She was on the table earlier, swearing under her breath about her back and how she was going to eat its face. Ibiki thought she had lost her mind then, but then she started grinning when another serum was injected into her and began singing that song.

"That's enough for today." Ibiki concluded. "We can't kill her yet."

Alice just kept laughing.

She looked so happy and defiant as she did so.

Like she was challenging them to hurt her more.

"Perhaps she really is a masochist." Ibiki muttered as he watched an ANBU ninja pick Alice up and carry her laughing form out of the room and in the direction of her cell.

**First Person Alice!**

I regained consciousness back in my cell. I sighed when I realized my hands were chained above my head again and my neck was chained to the wall like before. I don't see why it was necessary. I'm a helpless teenager who lacks chakra. The worst I can do is pick the lock and run down the hallway before one of the ANBU guards would catch me and toss me back to my starting point.

My back was searing anyways. I wouldn't be able to stand anyways. Getting up to escape was entirely out of the question.

My entire body was searing thanks to my back. The torture only amplified the pain to the point of it being almost unbearable.

This really did suck.

And it hurt.

Oh so bad.

Guys? Kathryn? Where are you when I need you?

I need you now more than ever.

Itachi.

Hurry.

* * *

_So, because violence isn't the main focus of this story, I'm not going to describe the torture scenes to you. You just get to hear what's going on in Alice's mind. Yay for you._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ The military used toilet paper to camouflage their tanks in Saudi Arabia, during the Desert Storm War. (Relevance = 0.)_

Answer: _I plan on going to university/college. Most likely, it will be a university. And yes, there is a difference._

**QotC: **_What is your favorite subject in school? Math? History? Art? Tell me why please. I'm curious to know other people's opinions._

_I hate school. I feel you all should know that. But, I love you all:) You make me smile._

_I'm going to hang out with Blake and Brandon today._

_I saw Kathryn's senior pictures today. I was laughing my ass off at some of them. She used to be a model so she's extremely beautiful and she knows how to work the camera. But... she has like sexual poses and shit for her senior pictures. They make me chuckle. She just stood there and grinned at me as I looked through them because she could read my thoughts through my facial expressions. Ah... I wish you guys could see them and enjoy them. :D_

_To answer a question I got from a reviewer: My internship varies depending on the quarter/semester of school. Right now, however, I work at my school. :)_

_To address the rest of you: You guys are amazing, and I adore you._

_If you have questions/comments/ideas and whatnot, feel free to ask them/give them to me. I always check my email and I always read everything you guys say even if it's an insult telling me to shove my fist down my throat and choke on it because I'm a horrible person and all that._

_You know it's true. Don't deny it._

_:) Bye dearies._


	80. Chapter 80

_Eighty fucking chapters..._

_That's ridiculous no matter how you look at it. :)_

_And we've still got a long way to go._

_Oh well. Enjoy lovelies. I don't own Naruto._

* * *

"Where is the Akatsuki base, Alice." Ibiki questioned, narrowing his scarred eyes at me.

I smirked at him. "Up your ass." I laughed when he hit me in the face. "Oh come on you little bitch, you hit like a four year old." I cackled, grinning at him.

"Who are the other Akatsuki members?" He asked, hiding his annoyance at my teasing.

I shrugged. "Not a clue. I lost all my memory when you hit me in the head last time." When he waved for a serum to be injected into my arm, I snickered at him. "I'm not going to tell you anything Ibiki Morino. I know you better than you know yourself. You can't get under my skin or _persuade_ me to do shit." I grinned and suppressed the pain as the serum began burning. "You're a sadist right? I'm one too. However, I'm a bit of a masochist as well."

If my song didn't tell him that, I just did.

His eyes narrowed at me so I continued.

"You believe that pain is an effective form of communication." I laughed. "Well I do too. And while you put up this strict, tough, cruel exterior, you have weaknesses that I do not." I snickered. "You might remember Kisame Hoshigaki. He's a wonderful friend of mine. I love him to death. However, I know you were visibly upset when he slaughtered his Cypher Division in order to protect information while you were in ANBU."

I grinned when he looked slightly shocked. "I also know that you used to be terrified of Orochimaru. I've met him before. He's not scary. Creepy? Yes. Scary? No." I cocked my head to the side. "Your weakness is that you fear the people and things that I find hysterical and loveable. You fear. I embrace."

"Alice." Ibiki began, obviously trying not to seem shocked that I knew so much about him. "Tell me more about Kisame Hoshigaki."

I smirked and leaned as close to him as I could despite the chains and straps holding me to the chair. "You wanna know something about Kisame?"

Ibiki raised his eyebrow curiously. "What?"

"His favorite foods are crab and shrimp." I told him. "He also has the cutest pouting face I have ever seen. Kisame gives amazing hugs and he has an adorable grin. My shark is probably the sweetest person alive to those he cares for but he can be downright intimidating when he's angry. He also likes to growl at me when I growl at him. We do it all the time back at the base." I laughed. "And, he makes one adorable kitten."

Ibiki sighed and looked at Inoichi who was in the room with us. "She isn't going to cooperate. I don't even know what to make of half of the things she says. I can't discern the truth from her lies."

"What was your first clue?" I laughed. "Bring on the pain!" I gestured with my head at those others in the room that were helping him interrogate me. "Come on. Bring some whips and clubs in here! Do your worst!"

Inoichi sighed. "We've gone through all of the different methods of torture. The rest are basically impossible because of her lack of chakra. We need to come up with something."

"Hey! Can I at least have someone intelligent to talk to?" I wondered. "Oh! Send Shikaku in! I always wanted to meet him! Pretty please? I promise I'll quit swearing at you." I paused. "Or maybe Kurenai and her baby-lump… Ah! Anko sounds like fun. Send her in here too."

"Shikaku might be able to think up something." Ibiki mused. "And she was rather friendly with Shikamaru. Maybe she'll talk to them."

"You guys do know I can hear you right?" I asked, smirking at them. "Send in the deer!"

I saw them whisper quietly to each other before Inoichi left. He returned about fifteen minutes later with Shikamaru and Shikaku. Shikamaru took one look at me and visibly winced.

"Oh come now Shikamaru. Surely I don't look that bad." I pouted.

However, even I knew I looked like shit.

Ibiki looked at me before turning his attention to Shikaku. "We'll leave you alone with her. Take as much time as you want."

I raised my eyebrow when Ibiki and Inoichi left, along with the ANBU torturing me. "What? No one is going to torture me? You guys are a bunch of pussies. The Akatsuki would fucking torture you just for fun without asking you questions. Grow some balls, guys."

"Alice." Shikamaru sighed.

"Yes?" I wondered, looking at him.

He shook his head. "You're so strange."

"Thank you." I smiled. "This is a very different method of interrogation. They haven't done this yet. It's a nice alternative. At least I have intelligent people to talk to."

Shikaku chuckled. "Hello Alice. My name is Shikaku Nara. I'm Shikamaru's father."

"You're also the husband of Yoshino Nara, the leader of the Nara clan, and a deer herder. You're the Jōnin commander and member of the former Ino-Shika-Cho trio which has been passed down to your children. You have a blood type of B, your birthday is July 15th, and you are 5'7" in height." I nodded. "Yes. I know you Shikaku. You always interested me. And not just because I like your son so much." I threw a smile at Shikamaru.

Both of them managed to look impressed.

"There are only two ninjas of your rank who I knew better. And they are Kakashi and Asuma. I knew both of them before I knew about you." I sighed. "So? Did you come to question me? You'll be just as successful as Mr. Yamanaka and Mr. Morino. And by successful I mean unsuccessful."

"We did come to question you." Shikaku confirmed. He smiled a bit. "How much would you be willing to tell me?"

"Little to nothing." I admitted. "Sorry. But I'm not going to sell out the Akatsuki. They're the closest thing to family that I have. You guys believe in the Will of Fire. I'm sure you understand. Every true Konoha Shinobi must love, believe in, cherish and fight for the village's sake, as many previous generations had done before them, right?" They both nodded. "Well, my "village" is the Akatsuki. I'm not a ninja, but I sure as hell love, believe in, cherish, and fight for Akatsuki's sake."

"Alice, they're criminals." Shikamaru began. "They've killed hundreds."

"So have all of the Jōnin you put your trust in. Your father I'm sure has killed hundreds in his time. You lack a sound argument with me." I sighed. "Look Shikamaru, if I sold out the Akatsuki, it would be like you selling Naruto out."

Shikaku narrowed his eyes. "What do the Akatsuki want with Naruto?"

"I can't tell you that." I admitted. "You guys will find out soon enough if things go as they should. In fact, a member of the Akatsuki will tell your leaders personally."

"So why don't you just tell us?" Shikaku asked.

"Why?" I repeated. "That's a tricky question." I went quiet as I thought up a way to word it. "I'm not going to tell you because… the one who tells you is not my Leader. And his goals are not my own nor the goals of my Leader."

"What?" Shikamaru wondered.

I shrugged. "The one who tells you his goals is not my Leader. That's all I can tell you."

Pein is my Leader.

Not Madara.

Why?

I have my reasons.

"What are the goals of your leader then?" Shikamaru asked.

I stared at him. "Peace."

Both of them paused. "What?"

"My leader wants world peace. He will do just about anything to achieve it." I smiled. "He's a good man. A weirdo, yes. But he means well."

"And the one who is not your leader?" Shikamaru wondered.

I thought of a way to describe it, biting my lip a bit. "He is not a good man."

"Does that mean you have different goals than him?" Shikaku wondered.

I smirked. "It could mean that. My goals are simple. I just want to live a nice life with the Akatsuki and my weasel. They're nothing too hard to achieve because I'm a lazy piece of shit. Work smarter, not harder."

Shikaku chuckled. "That's something you have in common with my son."

"I know." I laughed. "That's why I like him so much."

Shikamaru smiled slightly. "Alice, are you sure you don't want to tell us anything. They're going to resort to vicious torture if you don't. We've been trying to think up less painful ways, but we're about out of ideas."

"I'm not worried about it." I shrugged. "I'm stubborn. I won't tell them anything either." I closed my eyes. "There isn't anything you guys could do to make me change my mind."

Shikamaru sighed and so did his dad.

"You guys can leave." I stated. "I'll probably be carted off to go get the shit beat out of me soon. No one wants to see that."

Shikaku stood. "Come on Shikamaru. She's made herself quite clear."

Shikamaru nodded and stood to follow his dad out of the room. I closed my eyes. "Shikamaru."

"Yeah?" He asked, stopping to look back at me.

I looked down. "I'm sorry. For everything."

Shikamaru, being the genius he is, realized that I was referring to Asuma. He nodded slightly. "It's alright Alice. It's not your fault. Besides, I've done my grieving and exacted my revenge."

I smiled at him slightly and he left the room with his father, leaving me in the chair I was chained to. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Itachi."

* * *

My eyes narrowed as I gazed at the floor a few feet away from me. I could hear someone coming. It was weird. I wasn't supposed to be taken out of here for another hour or so. I looked to the door of my cell and my eyes widened at the person outside.

"Itachi?" I questioned.

There he was with his silky black hair and perfect face. His beautiful Sharingan shined in the firelight from the torches. He was wearing his cloak as well as a tiny smile. I felt my chest clench at the sight of him. I didn't realize how much I truly missed him until I saw him.

It was so painful. The torture was nothing compared to this.

If Itachi was here, than Kisame would be with him right? Maybe Kisame was upstairs keeping watch. Maybe Kathryn, Deidara and Sasori were here too.

But wait… what if this is a dream? I don't think I could take the pain of it really not being them. Biting the inside of my cheek, I pushed the hope away, assuming it was a dream.

"Alice." His wonderful voice replied. He slipped into the cell skillfully and walked over to me. He took my chin in his hand. "Love."

He sounds… different…

His touch… isn't the same…

And that isn't his intoxicating scent.

My eyes narrowed.

Is this really Itachi?

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I've come to take you home." He told me. He stroked my cheek gently, running his fingers over one of the cuts on my face. "I'm here to save you, Alice."

I raised my eyebrow. "Where is the bracelet I made you?"

Itachi paused and looked at his wrists. "I left it at home."

"Bullshit!" I snapped, spitting in his face. I brought my foot up as hard as I could and kicked "Itachi" straight in the fucking balls. "You fucking bastard!"

"Itachi" rolled around in pain before the transformation jutsu vanished and some ANBU member coughed in pain at my feet.

"You shitty little bastard!" I swore. "How dare you take his form?" I kicked him in the head, cracking his mask and breaking the nose underneath. "Did you honestly think I wouldn't know a fake Itachi when I saw one?"

Another agent rushed in, followed by Kakashi.

"What did you do?" The second ANBU agent demanded. "The jutsu should have fooled her. It was flawless!"

"Who the _fuck_ do you think you're dealing with you pathetic piece of shit?" I shouted. "I'm Alice, bitch! I know Itachi better than anyone! You can never fucking fool me with that trick! You should do your fucking research before you try and henge someone!"

"Alice!" Kakashi soothed. "Alice calm down." He placed his hand on my shoulder.

"No!" I snapped. "Get the fuck off me, Kakashi." I glared. "And you, you piece of shit, go fix your fucking nose and come back here so I can break it again!"

The ANBU quickly left, one going to make sure I didn't injure his brain and the other to go and report in a failure I'm sure. Kakashi stayed and tried to calm me down.

"Alice." Kakashi stated. "It's alright."

"No it is not fucking all right!" I snarled. "How dare you insult Itachi by transforming into him?" I closed my eyes and bit the inside of my lip. "Fucking bastards."

Kakashi put a gentle hand on my shoulder again. "Alice."

"What?" I growled.

What do you want Kakashi? Can't you see I'm breaking here?

"How did you see through the jutsu?" He asked.

I glared at him. "I _know_ Itachi. I know his voice, his touch, his scent, and his body language. I know how he moves and how he breathes." I closed my eyes. "That imposter got nothing right. Besides, I never made Itachi a bracelet. And, Itachi doesn't go anywhere dangerous without Kisame."

Kakashi sighed. "I suppose we're going to have to work harder to fool you, right Alice?"

"Not funny." I sighed. "That one was below the belt."

"Below the belt?" Kakashi wondered. "After everything you've had done to you, _that_ was the most painful?"

Is that so hard to believe? I've told them a million times that Itachi, my weasel, was the love of my life. Have they still not grasped the fact that my love for him goes beyond comprehension and one cannot describe it with mere words?

I leaned my head back against the wall. "I miss Itachi." My eyes drifted closed and I sighed. "More than you could possibly know. But, now that I know you assholes are willing to go that far, I'm just going to have to be twice as stubborn."

"That's possible?" Kakashi sighed.

I smiled slightly. "Yeah."

He shook his head. "I'll take your word for it." He stood and patted my head. "I'm sorry Alice."

"Yeah." I stated. I sighed once he left. "Me too." I closed my eyes. "Time for the emotionless box, Alice. Let's go." Something I sorely needed when all of these crushing emotions began to rise up. I don't do emotions so shutting down in order to bury them sounded like a wonderful idea.

And so, I sunk back into the box of no emotions. My cage.

My sanctuary.

* * *

_I be sick ladies and gents. That's why I'm posting this decently early. Migraines fucking suck soooo bad._

**_Fun Fact: _**_Having pets around newborns/first year babies helps cut their allergies in half. So, if you're having kids, get a kitty or a puppy._

Answer: _My favorite subjects would have to be History, Psychology, Government, English, and Spanish. Now, I actually like all but one of my teachers. They are amazing people and very fun to be around. However, no matter how awesome my math teacher is, I still hate the subject. My history teacher (when I took it) Mr. Nau, is probably my favorite teacher ever. My English teachers have always been pretty amazing and I enjoy the criteria_. _My Government teacher and my psychology teacher (When I took that) are both incredible. We exchange playful banter and fun jokes. I hate my Spanish teacher because she's a moron. But, I like the class. I would have said business class, but because of my full schedule, I take an independent study for that course so I don't take the actual class anymore. Limiting it down, I'd say History, Psychology, and English.  
_

**QotC: **_Do you believe in ghosts/spirits/demons/etc.? If you feel offended by this question, you don't have to answer it. For those of you that might: What is your greatest fear?_

_Some pretty deep questions we've got going on here. :)_

_I'm not really in the mood to type out long rants. So, I'll make it short and sweet._

_For those people who I owe oneshots and stuff... message me or email me or something and tell me what you want or let me know that I owe you something. I feel bad for not doing them yet, but I've been having a pretty hectic... few months so bear with me. I'll try to get those out to you whenever I can. Plus, if what you wanted as your oneshot changed at all over time, now is your chance to really tell me what you'd like. Thank you lovelies and I apologize again for the delay._

_Check ya later~_


	81. Chapter 81

_I apologize profusely about this being late guys._

_I truly am sorry:(_

_However, I had a lot of stuff going on yesterday..._

_I do not own Naruto._

* * *

**Third Person!**

Itachi sighed and tapped his fingers impatiently on the table. "When are we heading for Konoha, Madara?"

"Once Sasuke and his team depart to find the eight tails, we'll head for Konoha." Madara explained. "Have patience Itachi. Alice isn't going anywhere."

"She's been there for well over a week, Madara." Itachi growled, his Sharingan whirling. "Who knows if she's even still alive?"

"Itachi, calm down." Pein soothed. "Alice is stronger than that. You should know that better than anyone."

Not against ninja. Not when they _know_ how big of a threat she is." Itachi countered. "They could have killed her. She's probably going through torture even as we speak if she's even still alive."

Madara frowned. "Itachi, you'll be of no use if you're stressing like this. Compose yourself or you'll be staying here while we go and retrieve her. We cannot rush this. And I will not risk losing lives just to save your girlfriend. She is useful and her addition to this organization has been a relief and enjoyable, but she is replaceable."

Itachi's eyes narrowed, rage firing up inside of his chest at Madara's heartless words and almost indifference to Alice's capture and torture. "If anything happens to her, Madara, I swear on my brother's life that I will kill you. I swear on the Uchiha name that you will never live another second if she is out of my reach. Alice is more important to me than you and your selfish goals."

"Itachi. One more word and you're staying here." Madara snapped, glaring at the Uchiha prodigy.

Itachi glared before straightening up and looking away with a sigh. "Hn."

"Good boy." Madara praised, the anger in his voice flattening out. "Kisame, take Itachi outside and train with him for a bit. He needs to loosen up a little. If not, at least get him out of here so I can concentrate."

Kisame straightened up from the wall he was leaning on and walked over to Itachi. He placed his hand on his partner's shoulder. "Come on Itachi."

Itachi sighed and nodded before he followed Kisame from the office Madara and Pein were in. He trailed behind his large, blue partner to the kitchen and rubbed a hand over his face as he entered the room.

"I know you're worried brat, but she'll be fine. We can't rush this or someone is going to get seriously hurt or die." Sasori sighed from the kitchen table. He looked up when Kisame and Itachi entered the room. "How are you, Itachi?"

"Besides worried out of his mind?" Kisame scoffed. He knew Itachi wasn't going to answer so he spoke for him.

Sasori nodded with a sympathetic nod. "Point taken. Kathryn is the same."

"We're all worried, un." Deidara added, running his fingers through Kathryn's hair in a soothing gesture to try and calm her. She sat beside him, shivering sadly with worry.

"Kisame sat at the table and pushed the chair beside him out with his foot so Itachi could sit down beside him. Itachi flopped into it with a heavy sigh and a shake of his head.

"Nii-san, Alice will be fine." Sasuke stated from the doorway. "She endured Orochimaru's torture. She can handle Konoha."

Itachi looked at his little brother, eyes pained with worry and lack of nourishment. "Orochimaru wasn't threatened by Alice. Konoha is. They'll torture her until she gives in or snaps.'

"Good luck with that." Hidan scoffed from his place on the counter. "Alice is already fucking insane and she's the most stubborn bitch out there."

"Then they'll kill her." Itachi snapped. "There isn't a positive side to this situation anywhere. The sooner we recover her, the happier I'll be. If she's been harmed, I'll destroy Konoha and everyone in it."

A weird noise sounded throughout the kitchen as Zetsu phased into the room through the floor. "Sasuke, you and your team should head out now. **The rest of you assholes assemble at the entrance hall. We're heading for Konoha.**"

"It's about fucking time!" Hidan whooped. He launched himself off of the counter and grabbed his scythe before running out of the room, his heavy footsteps thundering on the floor. "Let's go and get the crazy bitch!" He shouted through the base.

Deidara laughed and sprinted from the room after the excited Jashinist. "Hell yeah, un!" Kathryn smiled brightly and ran after her blond bomber, cheering happily.

"It's about time." Sasori agreed with a sigh as he left the room. "I hate waiting."

Kisame got to his feet. "Come on Itachi. Let's go and get Alice."

Itachi nodded, rising to his feet. He and Kisame were joined by Kakuzu who emerged from his hallway in his quest to the entrance hall. Sasuke followed behind his brother quietly, noting his tension.

"They seem to be enthusiastic. "Kakuzu commented. As if to prove his point, Hidan could be heard cackling loudly with excitement near the entrance doors.

"Yeah they are." Kisame snickered, feeling his own excitement bubbling around.

"It'll be nice to eat decent food around here again." Kakuzu muttered. Kisame chuckled with an agreeing nod.

Itachi glanced to his right to see Sasuke watching him as they walked beside each other. "What is it, Sasuke?"

"You're worried." Sasuke pointed out. He had never seen his brother so stressed and flustered, even before he killed their clan. "She'll be alright."

The elder Uchiha brother frowned with doubt. "You cannot be sure."

Sasuke frowned too, realizing that Itachi was telling himself this so he didn't possibly get his hopes up about Alice. If she really was gone to them, Sasuke wasn't sure how deeply his brother would be affected.

Itachi probably wouldn't be able to handle it.

Not when he was so close to her as he was.

Itachi was hopelessly in love with the crazy female known as Alice.

* * *

Sakura led Hinata, Kiba, and Ino down to the cell Kakashi had told her about in the high security prison. They were sent for varying "official" reasons. But Sakura knew that Kakashi was sending them to check on Alice because he trusted them not to be cruel to her.

He had confronted her and Ino earlier that day and asked them to go to her and heal her. Kiba and Hinata were assigned as their "protection". Not that they needed any. Alice wasn't a threat to them chained to the wall. She wasn't a threat to anyone of them other than her vast amount of information.

Alice was leaning against the wall she was chained to, staring at the ceiling, nibbling on the Uchiha necklace around her neck absently. She could be heard talking to herself under her breath.

"Alice." Sakura stated, breaking her out of her trance.

Alice's head swung in their direction lazily and she scoffed when she saw them.

"What do you want?" She asked. "If I haven't told Scarface anything under his 'torture', what makes you think I'll tell you jack shit?" She made air quotes around torture, her hands still chained to the wall along with her neck.

"We aren't here to question you." Ino clarified. "Sakura and I are here to heal you. Hinata and Kiba are our escorts."

"Because I'm really dangerous as a human without chakra chained to a fucking wall." Alice growled, clicking her tongue in annoyance. "I don't want you to heal me. Leave me alone."

"Then can we at least talk to you for a bit?" Kiba asked, leaning against the wall outside the cell. "Akamaru missed you." He smiled a bit. "_I_ missed you."

Alice's eyes locked on the dog at Kiba's side. "I miss him too, but that doesn't change anything. You're not the people I want to see. He's not the puppy I want to see."

Sakura sighed and unlocked the cell before entering it with her companions. Akamaru walked over to Alice the instant he and Kiba were inside the cell and licked the side of her face gently, nuzzling her cheek with his muzzle affectionately.

"Hey Akamaru." Alice greeted with a softened tone and a small smile. "You're making me miss my puppy. I bet you and my Sable would get along really well." She whispered quietly. "I'd pet you, but I'm a little tied up." She snickered. "Get it? I'm tied up because my hands are chained above my head?" She snickered a bit more.

"Alice, will you please let up heal you?" Sakura questioned softly.

"No." Alice snapped, looking away from Akamaru to glare at the pink-haired ninja. "I don't want you touching me. All of you can just go and jump off a cliff. I'm tired of trying to be nice. I want to go home. Until that happens, you all can suck a dick."

"Alice." Kiba began.

"Shut up Kiba. "Alice hissed. "Please, just leave me alone. It's hard enough without you four in here trying to make me feel like anyone fucking cares about me at this point. I've resigned myself to die in here so go away."

Ino bit her lip. "We were asked…"

"I don't give a damn about what you were asked to do." Alice sighed. "Go away. Please just go away. I don't want to be mean to you guys, but if you don't leave me the fuck alone, I will be. Just leave me alone. I'll be carted out of here for torture in about fifteen minutes so anyways. Your healing isn't going to make a lick of difference."

"Alice, whether you're mean to us or not, you're still our friend." Kiba stated.

Alice looked at him. "Then as your friend, I ask that you leave me alone. I don't _want_ to be mean to you because I _do_ care about you guys. But you're making if difficult by making this worse for me." She sighed slightly. She whispered a small warning, knowing that they would be able to hear her clearly. "Watch yourselves in the near future. Please. Avoid any danger."

Hinata looked sad. "Alice, why are you so determined to cover for the Akatsuki? They haven't even come for you. We've had no alerts to them coming to anywhere near Fire Country. There haven't been any signs of them."

Alice closed her eyes. "Leave." She whispered.

Sakura sighed and stood. "Come on you guys. If she wants us to go so badly, we will. She's waiting to die at this point. The Akatsuki she's tried so hard to protect has just abandoned her. She isn't of any use or importance to them anymore."

Alice just smiled. "Maybe you're right, Sakura. Maybe they really have decided that I'm not important to them any longer. But you know what? I won't sell them out regardless." She closed her eyes and her smile softened.

"Because they are my family. Just like you would never sell out Naruto or Sasuke, I would never even consider breathing a word about my Akatsuki." Alice stated. "Even if they were to come here just so they could kill me, I wouldn't sell out. Not after all they've done for me."

Sakura shook her head as Alice began snickering. She walked out of the cell with her fellow ninja and left Alice as she started laughing.

"She's lost it." Kiba stated, wincing at her laughing. He stroked Akamaru's head as his closest friend whimpered quietly.

"I think she's realized that she really has meant nothing to them. We warned her and she insisted they were different. Now it's time that she suffered for believing in a group of murderers." Ino stated. "She should have listened to us."

But what Ino and her fellow Konoha Shinobi didn't know; was that just miles away from the village walls, the Akatsuki were ready and waiting for darkness to fall. They were waiting for the opportune moment to rescue the last member of their family.

They would soon be whole once more.

* * *

_I feel so bad for not updating yesterday._

_But, I have my reasons. I'm sorry._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ Egg chairs are not comfortable to sleep in when you have a bad back._

Answer:_ I'm rather indifferent to the whole topic. If they truly do exist, awesome. If not, oh well. As for the other answer: I'm terrified of escalators, stairs, unstable heights, and I actually have an extreme phobia of injections/syringes._

**QotC: **_What is your favorite musical instrument and why? (Thank you _riptocs_ for the question suggestion.)_

_I hope you guys can forgive me for this being late. I just had a lot of shit on my plate and I wasn't able to do anything involving fanfiction. I love you guys. And again I apologize._

_Have a nice day/life._


	82. Chapter 82

_Enjoy lovelies._

_I do not own Naruto._

* * *

Kakashi sighed as he chained an unconscious Alice's hands up to the wall as well as her neck. He left the blindfold on her rather than removing it like he usually did. He didn't want her to be blinded by the sun earlier, and she admitted to actually liking it so she didn't have to look at them.

The silver haired copy nin straightened up with another dejected sigh as he looked down at Alice. It was hard to believe that only a few months ago, he had found her in the woods and brought her back to the village without knowing a thing about her.

Now he knew she was an alley of the Akatsuki as well as the lover of one of the most feared and powerful Shinobi alive and an Uchiha no less.

But, despite her allegiance to such an organization, Kakashi couldn't bring himself to resent Alice. She was too personable and likeable. He loved her personality just like anyone else who met her and it pained him to see her in this situation. However, for all that Alice was to him, Konoha and his fellow leaf Shinobi meant so much more.

It was necessary.

They needed to know what Alice knew.

And if that meant torture, so be it.

He was fairly certain that she was breaking, though.

She didn't sing anymore.

Now she only laughed.

He saw the pain in her eyes as she laughed though.

She was laughing at her own physical pain and her own foolishness he was sure. She had finally realized what a fool she had been for believing in a gang of murderers.

Alice now realized that they had abandoned her.

Kakashi was convinced from just her actions. Alice talked out loud to herself, not caring if anyone else was listening. The things she talked about where random and had no relevance to anything Kakashi could guess. She stared at things for hours at a time even when she was being tortured. She laughed randomly on top of the consistent insane cackling she usually did. And whenever she talked to someone, she would drift off in the conversation and just fall into a daze.

But Kakashi didn't know Alice. He didn't know that she was already deranged in just about every way. He didn't know that she found amusement in seeing them question her sanity. He didn't know that Alice's love for Itachi, Kathryn, wolves, and the Akatsuki defined her being.

Alice didn't lose faith in her social outcasts.

She just assumed they were hoping to catch the leaf off guard.

Which is precisely what they were doing.

A massive boom shook the ground, vibrating the walls of the buildings and shaking the bones of the people in the vicinity.

Kakashi jumped in shock at the huge explosion. He sprinted out of the cell, pausing only to shut the door and lock it before rushing out of the prison with chakra propelling him to incredible speeds. However, when he emerged from the high security prison, he gawked at what lay before him.

Konoha was being attacked.

A section of the wall surrounding the village had been destroyed. A huge white bird was soaring over the massive cloud of black smoke and billowing flames of what had been a large housing complex. He caught the sight of yellow hair on top of the bird as well as a familiar cloak of black, white, and red.

The Akatsuki had come.

In the dead of night, they had finally come for Alice.

"GIVE US THE CRAZY BITCH YOU FUCKERS!" A loud cackling sounded over the screams of terror and the booms coming from the bombs being dropped on the village.

"No." Kakashi gawked. He knew that voice. There was no way in hell he could forget it. Hidan should have been dead. Kakuzu was dead too, Kakashi had preformed the killing blow himself. There was no way the immortal Jashinist could have gotten free of Shikamaru's hole. It was impossible for the zealot to have escaped the Nara forest.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura shouted, running over to him. Her face was streaked with grime and blood. "The Akatsuki are attacking!"

Alice had warned them repeatedly.

And they ignored her.

He shook his head, his shoulders heaving with panicked breathing.

They had been so foolish to not listen to her.

"Sakura, you should report to the hospital and help evacuate everyone from the village." Kakashi urged, unrest exploding in his chest. "I'll go and stall them. We need to get the citizens to safety as soon as possible."

"Oh I'm afraid it's far too late for that." A dull voice said from behind them.

"No." Sakura whispered before she wheeled around. "You're dead. I killed you." She gawked at the member beside him. "Both of you should be dead!" She saw both of their dead bodies. How in the world could they possibly still be alive?

Kakuzu chuckled. "Do you really think little Alice would let that happen to us?" He smirked at the idea. Alice would rather have died herself.

"Alice planned for weeks to save our lives and trick you into thinking we died." Sasori continued. "She saved us. Now it's time we returned the favor."

"What do you want?" Sakura demanded. "Why are you here?"

Sasori raised his eyebrow at her idiocy. He hated idiots and she had seemed so much smarter during their first battle. "I assumed it was obvious by the fact that we're attacking the village. Hidan pretty much yelled it to the world a few moments ago. We want Alice back."

"And we will kill all of you to get her." Kakuzu added.

Kakashi fell into a protective stance in front of Sakura. She was no match for these two members. He wasn't either and he knew it. But he would stall them long enough for Sakura to get away. "Run Sakura!"

"Tell us where she is, and I won't poison you all and leave you to die." Sasori snarled, the coil in the stomach of his puppet body emerging from the confines of his cloak. It shimmered lethally in the moonlight and reflected the flames of Deidara's explosions. Poison dripped off it menacingly.

"Watch out Danna!" Kathryn cried from Deidara's bird as it flew overhead. "Kakuzu! Look out!"

Sasori and Kakuzu wisely dodged Gai as he dynamically came kicking from behind them. They both glared at the green beast and readied themselves to fight.

"We do not have time for this." Itachi's cool voice cut in. "We will find Alice before we destroy the village. Leader has given us enough time to find her and get out of his way." He appeared beside them with Kisame to his left.

"COME OUT COME OUT WHEREEVER YOU ARE FUCKERS!" Hidan roared. "GIVE ME ALICE YOU HEATHEN BASTARDS! I'LL SACRIFICE YOU ALL TO JASHIN-SAMA FOR TAKING HER!"

"Where is she, Kakashi?" Itachi demanded, rolling his eyes at Hidan.

"I won't tell you." Kakashi stated, his Sharingan whirling threateningly. "You have done enough to that kid. You're nothing but trouble for her! She's just a child!"

"She's happy with us." Kisame growled, baring his sharp, pointed teeth at him. He brandished Samehada angrily, flaring his chakra ominously. "We protect her better than you bastards ever could. Now give her back."

"No." Kakashi said firmly.

Itachi stepped forward, instantly gaining the attention of all of the present Konoha Shinobi. His abilities were well known and all of the leaf ninja knew not to underestimate the Uchiha the unhesitatingly murdered his entire clan in a single night. Itachi was not someone to take your eyes off of. "I'm afraid you won't have a choice, Kakashi." Itachi growled. "Alice is mine. And _no one_ is going to keep her from me."

His Sharingan blazed and span to form a pinwheel as he used Tsukuyomi on the Copy Ninja. Kakashi tried to avoid the powerful Genjutsu, but he was no match for the elder Uchiha brother, a true master of the Sharingan.

Itachi's eye whirled as he went silent for a moment in concentration before releasing the Genjutsu. He blinked and glared down at Kakashi, disgusted at what he found in the memories of the Jōnin. Anger surged through him and he had to suppress the urge to strike them all down in that very second.

Alice was in pain.

She was suffering.

Itachi was _not_ okay with that.

"Itachi?" Kakuzu asked, taking a defensive stance in front of the Uchiha. He tore Itachi from his anger induced trance and brought him back to the issue at hand.

"I've found her." Itachi stated, hiding his anger with his stoic tone. "Kisame, Sasori, Kakuzu, come with me."

Gai charged after them, leaving Kakashi with Anko, who rushed towards them, as well as Sakura. He tried to follow them as they took off but was cut off when Deidara dropped a huge bomb in his path, separating him from pursuing the four men.

"Take that, yeah!" Deidara shouted, a huge grin on his face at the sight of his art, his passion. "All of you will know my art! TRUE ART IS AN EXPLOSION, UN!"

Hidan rammed his retractable spear into a ninja's throat, cackling happily. He grinned as he watched his Leader charge by him, using the poles he always summoned to cut down those before him easily.

He didn't care how old Madara was.

He respected Pein because he was powerful.

And he would only take orders from someone as powerful as his Leader.

"Choji, Ino, come on!" A voice shouted. "We need to help Kurenai!"

He smirked evilly as a familiar voice sounded close by. He sprinted in that direction, his scythe reflecting the fires as he ran towards his target. Murderous intent filled his heart and made him grin with eagerness.

"Shikamaru!" Ino gasped, pointing over the shadow wielder's shoulder. "It's him!"

Shikamaru turned slowly with wide eyes to see Hidan sprinting towards him with a deadly goal of pure slaughter in his violet orbs. He paled as the Jashinist's insane voice reached him. "There you are fucker!"

"How did you get out?" Shikamaru demanded rhetorically. "Ino, Choji, run!"

"Where's my crazy bitch you dickheads?" Hidan roared, sprinting after them. "It's time to meet Jashin-sama you shadow bastard! You'll all suffer for taking my bitch!"

"Hidan, un!" Deidara called, flying over him on his huge clay bird. Kathryn was beside him, clutching onto him. "What the hell are you doing idiot, yeah?"

"I'm sacrificing some heathens!" Hidan yelled back. "What the hell do you want Blondie?"

"Shiny!" Kathryn beamed, throwing up her hands in greeting at Hidan.

"Shut up you skinny bitch." Hidan snapped, irritated that she brought up that stupid cat name again.

Deidara rolled his eyes. "You're supposed to be looking for Alice, un. Not killing everyone. Leader gave us a job to do, un."

"It's just a couple of little shits." Hidan sighed, gesturing at them and pouting slightly.

"Hidan, un." Deidara scolded. "Either look for Alice, or leave the village. I don't want to have to look out for you while I'm dropping bombs, yeah."

Hidan groaned. "Fucking fine. Where did the pussy Uchiha go?"

"He's with Kakuzu, Sasori no Danna, and Kisame." Deidara explained, pointing in their direction. "He knows where Alice is, but I'm sure they could use your help. They have a bunch of Jōnin and ANBU on their tail, un."

"Got it Blondie!" Hidan saluted. He glared at Shikamaru once more before grinning and shooting off. "Blow some shit up for me, bitches!"

"Un!" Deidara shouted, dropping another bomb. "KATSU!" Kathryn giggled and hugged him as the bomb exploded, destroying a building. Deidara grinned back at her, his eyes alight with pride at his art and the woman who held his love holding onto him.

She beamed, kissing him happily. "You're so fucking sexy when you blow shit up."

* * *

_:) I updated on time today._

_**Fun Fact:** The most common time for a bank robbery is Friday, between 9 and 11 a.m. The least likely time is Wednesday, between 3 and 6 p.m. So yeah, rob a bank this Wednesday between 3 and 6._

Answer: _I have two: Trombone and percussion. I adore the trombone having played it myself for about nine years or more. And percussion has always been a passion of mine. I love drums and the shit people can do with the different types of drums and bells and little accessories just amazes me._

**QotC: **_I know I'm going to get shit for this question: What is your favorite _type_ of music and why. I haven't asked this btw. I've only asked favorite artist._

_Uh... I love you all in a purely platonic way._

_My dear, lovely friend _riptocs_ has made wonderful oneshots and whatnot for me. If she doesn't get more than 10 or so reviews by Friday, I will not update. So, go review her shit. Don't even review mine if that's what it takes. :) I'll love you all forever (Not that I don't anyways because you guys are amazing)_

_All of you should just feel like winners everyday if you're as awesome as I think you are._

_Lol- funny story: SethyPoo was petting a cat the other day, being all cute and cuddly with it and then the cat fucking smacks him in the face repeatedly like five times on either side of his face with both paws. Sethy was like ":O OMFGWTFJH?" I seriously about peed my pants laughing so much. :D_

_Well, I'm out dearies. Bye~_


	83. Chapter 83

_83 Chapters ladies and gents... _

_Still ridiculous to me..._

_Anywho... enjoy if at all possible._

_I own everything except Naruto._**  
**

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

Pain.

That's all I felt.

And no, I don't mean my fearless Leader.

Though, that would be a nice alternative.

I mean the feeling you get when you've been tortured for over a week. I mean the feeling that resonates through your body and mind when you're missing the love of your life.

That feeling.

That pain.

My entire body felt heavy. I could feel every single scratch and throbbing nerve in my body as if it was hooked up to an amp on high. My back was making my limbs numb with pain. It felt like I had been thrown into a blender before being pounded back into shape with a studded and spiked hammer.

It was awful.

I was cold from the blood loss and I could practically feel the serums that were pumped into me moving around in my veins. I could feel my heart beating weakly as I essentially continued dying in here.

That wasn't the only reason my heart hurt though.

I missed Itachi.

I missed all of my criminals. Sure, I'd been away from them for a long time, much longer than this. But this was different. This time, I had a knowing chance of seeing them again. Either I would see them again, or I'd die in this cell, wishing I could have.

They would either come for me, or I'd die here alone.

Sitting here, nearly unconscious in my cell was giving me time to reflect and remember how much fun I had with my killers. Reflecting, I could see just how much happier I had become since meeting the Akatsuki.

I could see how much I really needed them.

They changed me for the better and they made me feel alive and wanted. I felt needed for the first time in my life. I could never repay what they've done for me. Honestly, I felt like Haku and all of the Akatsuki were my Zabuza save the lack of eyebrows and poofy pajama pants.

I had already lost my sanity and the will to live was only so I could be with them. Without them, I'd be better off dead.

Without them, I'd _rather_ be dead.

**Third Person!**

Itachi, Sasori, Kakuzu, and Kisame slipped into the high security prison, searching for Alice. The moved soundlessly like shadows in the darkness. The only things standing out from the shade they concealed themselves in were two bright red orbs alight with anger and desperation.

Itachi knew the layout of the village and the facilities it used so he knew where to look. He just hoped the woman he loved was alright. From Kakashi's memories, he wasn't so sure anymore. And if his pessimistic thoughts proved right, he wasn't sure if he could handle it.

A loud boom sounded from outside, jarring the unstable Uchiha from his thoughts and setting his companions on edge before Sasori sighed. "That brat is so damn loud."

"Hidan is no better." Kakuzu grumbled, recalling the loud cackling of his partner that was only just beyond earshot.

"Focus." Itachi said coolly. "She will probably be heavily guarded."

"How far down is she?" Kisame asked as Itachi led them to a set of stairs.

"She's on the lowest floor." Itachi stated. "ANBU have been set up on that floor to guard her. Though, from Kakashi's memories, it seemed like none of them expected us to come."

Sasori scoffed. "So they've been guarding her to keep her in? What can a little kid with no chakra do?"

"Alice is smart." Kakuzu stated. "But, she can't do anything against ninjas."

"I'm not sure what they were hoping to accomplish by guarding her from escape so carefully." Itachi stated. "But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that we get her out of here quickly and without any casualties on our side."

Kisame nodded and frowned when Samehada squirmed at the upcoming chakra. "Samehada senses chakra up ahead. Get ready you guys."

Itachi's Sharingan flared as he shot into the dungeons, leading the attack. He moved with incomparable speed as he flashed from one ANBU to the next, killing all in his path.

Kakuzu's threads shot around, wrapping around the necks of the ninja Itachi skipped and snapping them smoothly. They were to work quickly and efficiently. Exactly how he liked it.

Sasori tossed a few poisoned senbon at his targets, piercing their flesh with the poison coated needles. He smirked, watching them fall to the floor, withering in pain and agony as his poison took its toll, killing them slowly.

Kisame grinned smugly as Samehada sliced through and absorbed his enemies' chakra while also shredding their flesh to ribbons. The shark skinned sword wiggling happily as it devoured their energy, both satisfying its thirst for blood and chakra as well as fueling its wielder.

Sasori looked around. "I think we're good for a little while at least. Pity, I expected a better fight." He shrugged. "Can't be helped I suppose."

"Let's search the cells." Kakuzu stated. "Sasori and I will check the cells on the left. Kisame, Itachi, check those on the right."

Kisame nodded and Itachi hned in agreement. He started at one end while Itachi began at the other, breaking the locks on the cells before them.

"This one is empty." Sasori announced.

"This one is likewise vacant." Kakuzu said calmly.

Itachi sighed as he failed to see Alice inside the cell he was searching. "She isn't here."

"I've got nothing. It smells though." Kisame called from his cell.

And so they moved, searching all of the cells in the room and failing to find Alice. Itachi closed his eyes with a sigh. "There is another room on this floor. We'll search there before moving up. We must do this quickly."

"Right." Kisame nodded. "Let's go guys."

Itachi bit his lip as he followed his giant blue partner into the next room which was surprisingly clear of guards. He wanted his Alice. He needed to hold her and see that she was okay. From the Kakashi's memories, he wasn't sure if he'd like what he'd find.

But he had to find her.

He had to see her.

He had to know.

"Alice." Itachi whispered silently. He began searched the cells with his companions, praying to any and all gods that he would find her alive.

Finally, after searching all but one of the cells on his half, Kisame approached the last one with a sigh. He could faintly hear ragged, weak breathing from inside it as well as a weak heartbeat.

The ex-Kiri nin broke the lock on the last cell and walked inside. He bit his lip when he saw Alice chained to the wall by her neck with her hands shackled above her head. She had blood coming from the corners of her mouth and out of her nose. She appeared to be unconscious.

A blindfold was covering her eyes and she had trails of blood running down her arms and neck from the chains. Bruises and cuts covered her body and her clothes were ripped. A line of blood could be seen running down the side of her face from under the blindfold near her bad eye.

"Alice." He sighed with slight relief at seeing her. He walked over to her and took her face gently in his hands. He pressed his forehead to hers. "Hey kiddo."

She moved a bit.

"Al. Alice, please wake up." Kisame whispered, patting her face gently with his thumb in hopes of waking her. "Please."

Her fingers twitched.

"Itachi?" Kisame called. "I have her. She's… not looking too well."

Itachi was by his side in an instant. His chest clenched at Alice's condition and he swiftly moved in when Kisame backed up to let him get to her.

Itachi bit his lip. "Alice." He tucked some of her hair that was caked with dried blood behind her ear and winced at the new wounds on her face and neck that made themselves known.

The Uchiha heard Kisame click his tongue in disgust. "Those bastards." He shook his head. "I'll leave you two alone for a bit. Just let me know if you need me, Itachi."

"Thank you, Kisame." He locked his jaw. "I'll be out in a minute." He listened to Kisame leave before he turned his attention back to the love of his life. "Alice, wake up. Please my love."

Alice twitched when he stroked her cheek and kissed her softly. She tensed slightly until she recognized his gentle touch and his wonderful scent. "'Tachi?" Her voice was scratchy and weak.

"Yes Alice." He whispered, a small, relieved smile breaking his worried expression. "It's me." He stroked her face gently. "I'm here Alice. I'm here to get you and bring you home."

She smiled faintly. "Missed you." Her words were slurred. She was too weak to talk correctly. She could barely bring herself to form the words. "Knew you'd find me…"

He kissed her. "I missed you as well. I love you Alice. I'm going to get you out of here."

"Love you too." She sighed. "S'dark in here."

Itachi removed the blindfold and his eyes narrowed. One of Alice's eyes had a large cut slashing over it. It remained closed as she carefully opened her good eye. She blinked a bit, adjusting to the light.

"Alice. What did they do to you?" He whispered.

She blinked tiredly. "Don't remember. Tired." She moved her arms a bit.

He glared at the shackles as he broke them and freed her hands and neck. He picked her up carefully in his arms and cradled her. "I'm sorry Alice. I won't let you out of my sight ever again. You will never again have to go through something like this as long as I am alive."

"Kay." She whispered, leaning into him.

Itachi kissed her and she responded weakly. He shook his head after a moment and emerged from the cell, his Sharingan blazing with his anger.

Kisame, Sasori, and Kakuzu looked around when Itachi joined them. Kisame growled again at the sight of Alice and Sasori and Kakuzu's eyes narrowed threateningly.

"I'll kill all of those involved." Kisame snarled.

"We'll exact our revenge soon. However, we must leave the village. Pein is going to use his technique." Sasori stated. His eyes were locked on Alice, anger evident in his expression.

"Right." Kakuzu said smoothly. "Itachi, do you want one of us to take her?"

"No." He said shortly. "I will give her to Deidara personally."

"'Tachi, I wanna go home." Alice sighed, leaning into his chest.

Itachi looked down at her as he walked from the building with Kakuzu, Kisame, and Sasori. "We will go home soon Alice. But right now, we will make Konoha regret ever taking you from us. I will kill whoever did this to you."

"Don't get hurt." She said, opening her eye. "Please don't let anyone get hurt."

"We've planned it all out." He whispered. "We'll be alright. Deidara will take you to where Konan is."

Alice shook her head. "Stay 'Tachi."

"I cannot Alice." He said calmly. "I have to punish those who hurt you."

"Don't want you to." She stated. "Please stay."

He closed his eyes. "I have to Alice."

"Nuh uh." She whispered.

He smiled at her weak attempt at being stubborn. "I'll come back to you soon Alice. Give me some time."

"No." She said stubbornly.

"Alice." Itachi sighed. "Don't make this harder than it needs to be. Please."

She looked at him. "Then stay."

Kisame chuckled. "You can stay with her Itachi. I'll cover for you."

"Leader-sama needs me for the plan if things begin to go astray." Itachi stated. "It's a role only I can fulfill."

Alice pouted. "Fine."

"Kathryn and Konan will be with you." Itachi assured her.

"I want you." She yawned.

"I know, and I am sorry." Itachi stated, kissing her forehead. "I love you."

"Love you more." She smirked.

He chuckled. "We've been over this."

Alice pouted. "Can I have Kisame?"

Kisame chuckled and stroked Alice's hair. "Who is going to watch Itachi's back, Alice?"

She frowned. "Fine. Can I have Sori or Kuzu?"

Sasori rolled his eyes. "No you cannot. We have to keep an eye on the idiots."

"We will make it quick, Alice." Itachi promised. He looked up at the sky where Deidara was flying around. "Kisame."

"Got it." Kisame nodded. He signaled Deidara with a huge wave of water that engulfed a number of Shinobi as well.

Deidara looked down and grinned. He tightened his grip on Kathryn and dove towards the ground on his bird. He pulled out of the dive skillfully and carefully landed before his fellow Akatsuki members. He grinned. "Hey un."

"It's time for you to take Alice to Konan, Brat." Sasori stated. "Kathryn will be staying with her there."

"I know yeah." He blinked when Itachi jumped onto the bird with Alice in his arms. "Damn. What the hell did they do to her, un?"

Itachi frowned. "I don't know, but they will suffer twice as much as she did." He handed her to Deidara. "She isn't strong enough to keep herself upright. You'll have to hold her to make sure she stays on the bird."

"I'll help Dei." Kathryn stated. "I'll stay with her Itachi. Hurry back to her. I'm sure she only wants you right now."

"Damn right." Alice agreed weakly. Kathryn grinned and hugged Alice.

Itachi kissed her. "I love you Alice. Wait for me. Please."

"Kay." Alice muttered.

Deidara waited for Itachi to jump off his bird before he took off, flying high above the village and into the cover of the night sky and the cloud of black smoke over the village. He wrapped his arm around Kathryn who was holding onto Alice as he flew away from Konoha.

"Alice, you okay?" Kathryn wondered, looking over her best friend.

Alice blinked tiredly and lifted one of her shoulders in a weak shrug. "Don't know. Ask me later."

She smiled and rested her forehead against Alice's. "He'll come back to you."

Deidara kissed the side of Kathryn's head. "We'll all be fine Alice. I promise, un."

Alice nodded. "Hn."

He chuckled and began his decent. He landed the bird and picked up both Alice and Kathryn before he jumped off his art. He set Kathryn down and adjusted the injured Alice in his arms so he could carry her. Kathryn walked beside them as they entered the makeshift base they had made.

Madara was inside the paper tree, sitting quietly beside Konan. He looked around at the sound of Deidara's arrival and nodded in approval. "Good work Deidara." He set Sable down on the ground when she started squirming in his lap before standing.

"She's in bad shape, un." He stated, setting Alice down at Konan's instruction. Sable darted over to them and whimpered as she licked Alice's face.

Alice frowned tiredly as she tried to avoid Sable's tongue unsuccessfully. "Shut up, Dei."

He chuckled. "She's still feisty as hell though, un."

"Of course she is." Kathryn smiled, sitting beside Alice. "She's Alice after all."

"Deidara, you should return." Madara stated coolly. "Your skills are needed."

"I know Tobi- Shit! I mean Madara. un." Deidara knelt and kissed Kathryn, ignoring Madara's chuckles. "I've gotta head back, babe. Help Konan and be safe yeah. I love you, un."

She kissed him back. "I love you too Dei. Hurry back to me."

He smiled at her and left the tree without another word.

* * *

_Awe, such love._

_Konoha is in for it because the shit just hit the fan._

**_Fun fact:_**_ Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. What asses..._

Answer: _I don't have a _set_ favorite music genre though there are some types that I like more than others. However, Country and rap are the banes of my existence. I hate both of them and even hearing a second of one of them makes me want to kill something._

**QotC:** _What was your favorite cartoon as a child/kid/whenever. Not anime. Cartoon. (You guys can thank _AlixPeinCarter _for this question.)_

_I'm so proud of you lovely people. You review _riptocs_ and because of that, I thank you and I know she does. :D You guys rock. This is why I love my readers/reviewers. Because, not only do you guys make me happy, but you also make other people happy and that makes my day better. Because usually by this time of the day, school is out and I'm on the war path wanting to kill everything/one in sight._

_In short, I hate the people I know in person. But you internet sweeties are just awesome._

_So, I will be going now. I'm tired and it's Friday. I'll probably take a nap because my friend Lauren wants me to go shopping with her so she won't be alone and because she wants my "extremely blunt and truthful opinion" on the things she gets. And because she loves listening to me rant about the various people I see in public and tear them to pieces with sarcasm and my fucked up imagination. XD  
_

_I bid thee a very fond farewell. I will see you dear people on Monday._


	84. Chapter 84

_Happy Birthday Naruto Uzumaki! I love you, you blond ball of energy.  
_

_Eighty four_

_That is fifty two chapters more than the prequel._

_Which is ridiculous if you think about it._

_Well lovelies, enjoy this chapter if it's possible._

_I do not own Naruto._

* * *

"Alice, you need to go to sleep." Konan encouraged, placing her hand gently on Alice's shoulder. "Get some rest. They'll be back soon so don't worry."

Alice shook her head slightly, her eyes still closed from exhaustion. "Can't."

Konan sighed, knowing she should have expected that response. "You're so stubborn."

"Duh." Alice muttered. The corner of her mouth twitched slightly in amusement.

Madara chuckled and put his hand on Alice's forehead. "Alice, listen to Konan. Your body needs rest. You need rest. You've gone through a lot."

"Don't wanna." Alice said with a yawn.

Madara sighed at her perseverance. "Alice, I'll be forced to knock you out if you insist on being difficult."

Alice opened her good eye to glare at him. "Bring it."

"You stubbornness amazes me, Alice. But, it can only go so far." Madara said calmly.

Kathryn watched Madara, shivering a bit at his fearful aura. She clutched onto Konan's arm as Madara pinched Alice's nerves in her neck and knocked her out. Konan hugged Kathryn gently and rubbed her arm in a soothing manner. Sable growled at him, not liking the ill intentions leaking from him around her mommy.

"Don't be scared Kathryn." Madara stated, looking back at her. "I only knocked her out so she could rest. She'll be just fine. I wouldn't hurt Alice. She's very important. Just like you."

"I know, Madara-sama." She muttered, looking down. She stroked Sable's silky fur when the pup nuzzled her leg reassuringly.

Madara smirked beneath his mask, enjoying her fear. "You don't need to be afraid of me, Kathryn."

"Okay." She whispered. Konan frowned slightly and tightened her grip on Kathryn, narrowing her eyes at Madara's back.

Madara looked at Alice. "From what Itachi told me, Alice did not reveal any of our secrets to Konoha. This is good. It would be rather unfortunate if Konoha knew as much as we do. When she recovers, we'll continue on with my plans for Akatsuki."

Konan looked at him. "What are your plans?"

"You will know soon enough, Konan." Madara stated. "However, since such a change has occurred, I'll have to have Alice tell me what happens next in the story line. From there, we will progress. If she cannot, Kathryn will be expected to do her job."

Kathryn bit her lip. She didn't want to go to war with the rest of the world. She didn't want Kabuto to join them like the creep he is. She just wanted things to go back to normal like they were before Madara emerged from his Tobi shell.

"Kathryn, help me with Alice's wounds will you?" Konan suggested, wishing to get Madara away from the girls. She knew that Madara meant them no harm as of now, but she didn't like the fact that he was purposely scaring Kathryn.

"Yeah." Kathryn nodded.

"I leave them in your care Konan. I'm going to Konoha to watch the invasion." Madara threw over his shoulder. "Be sure to keep an eye out. I doubt anyone will find this place and I have Zetsu watching over you, but just in case, be vigilant."

Konan dipped her head. "Yes sir."

Kathryn shivered when he left. "I miss Tobi."

Konan giggled at Kathryn's simplicity. "Me too."

"He was so much fun. Madara-sama scares me." Kathryn stated. "He seemed so much more awesome in the show. But in person, he's fifteen times scarier than Orochimaru. He's still cool, but he's really scary. I just feel the evil like radiating off him."

Konan nodded, knowing exactly what Kathryn was talking about. "I understand. Just do what he tells you to and you won't have to worry about anything okay?" Kathryn nodded and turned her attention to Alice as Konan began inspecting her wounds. Sable sat dutifully by Alice's side, occasionally licking her hand or face.

Kathryn closed her eyes. She knew Madara killed Konan later on in order to get Nagato's Rinnegan. Alice would have to tell him when she recovered. Madara would know she was hiding something if she didn't say anything.

Kathryn knew Alice didn't want to tell Madara about Konan's situation. She knew that Alice didn't want to tell Pein and Konan that Madara killed Konan and stole the Rinnegan either. Alice wanted things to stay peaceful like before too.

She just wondered if Madara would do his best to follow the story line.

Madara would do anything to accomplish his plans. That much was obvious.

Konan touched Alice's scarring eye and sighed. "It's a good thing she can barely see in this eye as it is. It doesn't look like there was any damage to it other than the scarring to her lid. But, she won't be using it for a bit."

"Alice." Kathryn pouted. "Why does everything bad always happen to you?"

"I'm certain she would rather it happen to her than you." Konan stated.

"Well I wouldn't." Kathryn countered. "Though, she kind of asks for it. She pretty much told Orochimaru to do his worst when we were captured by him. She probably told Konoha the same exact thing."

Konan smiled slightly. "I can imagine." Alice's stubbornness knew no limits. Her hands began glowing green as she channeled healing chakra into Alice's more severe wounds.

Kathryn stood beside Konan quietly, watching her heal her best friend. "Do you need help with anything Konan?"

"Not with healing. If you want, you can keep watch for me. Since Madara left, our protection has been reduced. Or you can get on the radio and listen in on the fight if they are using them." Konan suggested. "I've got this covered for now. There's only so much I can do here since I have to keep up the defenses. Thank you though. Just your company is enough."

"I'll keep watch." She smiled. "Try to save your chakra Konan." She patted her side. "Come on Sable. You can help me." Sable barked obediently and trotted after Kathryn.

Konan nodded, glancing at the retreating teen. "I will."

* * *

"Gather." Pein said to himself on top of the Hokage tower, staring into Tsunade's eyes. He was instantly joined by his subordinates save Zetsu, Deidara, and Konan. "Now is the time."

"Pein!" Tsunade shouted, her eyes widening at the sudden arrival of the majority of the Akatsuki. "What is making you do this?"

Hidan cackled and pointed at her. "You should know you fucking bitch! You took Alice from us! You're going to suffer the fucking consequences!"

"It is only natural that we would come for her." Sasori stated calmly. "You should have realized this. Surely she has told you about her relationship with us. She is very important to us."

"She's 'important' to you because of her ability." Tsunade snapped, her voice dripped with sarcastic venom.

Kisame scoffed. "If it was just for her knowledge of us, we wouldn't have bothered. Kathryn would be able to tell us what we need to know." He glared. "Alice is one of us."

"One of you? She's a child with no chakra!" Tsunade snapped. "She's not from the world of ninja! She's a helpless little kid! She knows nothing of battle and its horrors."

Kakuzu raised his eyebrow. "And you tortured her. We've protected her. You tortured this child with no chakra. The extents of our harms to Alice are daily sparring. None of us would ever purposely harm Alice."

Tsunade faltered slightly. "Y-you've involved her in your evil dealings!"

"That was her own decision." Sasori stated, his eyes narrowing. "If she wanted to, she could have left. She could have pushed us away. However, she never did. Instead, she kept us together and assimilated into our lives."

Tsunade scoffed. "You probably forced her. Nine men and a helpless young girl? There is no limit to the damages you monsters could have done to her and this Kathryn girl. She's better off here than she is with you. They both would be."

"Yeah, I'm sure daily fucking torture is better for Alice and Kathryn than being with us." Hidan snarled. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about bitch."

"You people kill for a living! The crimes you have done are obvious allusions to flaws of your character and it's not a question to whether or not you could be torturing that child. We tortured Alice out of necessity. We did it so we could keep this world safe from your evil influence. I would bet anything you torment her just for the hell of it."

"Had any one of my comrades caused Alice or Kathryn harm, I would have killed them myself." Itachi said coldly. "I know every single one of them probably would have done the same. You do not know us. You do not know Alice. And you certainly do not know the depth of our bond."

"Alice warned you what would happen. You should have listening to her warnings, Hokage." Pein said calmly. "You should have returned her when you had the chance. Now you will suffer for not heeding her warnings. Had you not taken her, none of this would have happened."

"Itachi, Alice said that you wanted to protect the village! Why are you doing this?" Tsunade questioned. "She told us the apparent truth about you."

"What she told you was the truth." Itachi blinked. "However, that was before you took her from me. That was before you put her health in an undesirable condition, before you tortured her for defending us. You hurt her and that cannot be forgiven."

Tsunade stuttered, winded by the murderous intent leaking from the livid Uchiha. "W-what is she to the Akatsuki?"

"She's the fucking cook!" Hidan cackled. "And my bitch!" Kakuzu chuckled.

Kisame smirked. "She's a member of this fucked up family."

"Go now." Pein instructed, getting tired of the conversation. He was ready to use his ultimate technique. "I will teach this village why it should fear us. It will soon know our pain."

The five present members bowed their heads slightly in understanding as Pein began ascending in the sky. They shot away from him as Tsunade started running after him, telling him not to do whatever he was going to do.

* * *

Deidara flew towards the village, only to stop when Hidan signaled him with a whistle. He spiraled down and landed beside his fellow Akatsuki members on a tall hill. They were looking up into the sky where Pein was positioned, preparing to fire his ultimate attack.

"Any trouble, brat?" Sasori asked, looking at Deidara who was currently finding a comfortable position on his bird so he could watch their Leader.

Deidara shook his head, looking down at his Danna. "Other than Alice's stubbornness, no. I had no trouble, un." He chuckled.

Kisame snickered. "She's feisty no matter what the situation is."

"Is Kathryn okay?" Sasori wondered, his eyes narrowing slightly. He was sure that Deidara wouldn't let anything happen to his second brat, but he had to be certain.

"Yes Danna, un." Deidara nodded, detecting the concern in his master's voice. He held back the smirk at Sasori's caring nature that he would instantly deny.

Hidan snickered with excitement and wiggled in his lounging spot on the grass of the hill. "I can't wait for Leader to blow this fucker to hell."

Kakuzu chuckled at his partner's enthusiasm. "It will be what Konoha deserves for challenging the Akatsuki. Besides, those pesky Leaf Shinobi always get in the way. This will teach them to fear us like they should."

Itachi narrowed his eyes. The village he had done so much for to protect was going to be reduced to rubble quite soon. However, after seeing Alice in the condition she was in, he couldn't bring himself to care. In fact, he could think of crueler things to do to Konoha than simply destroying the village.

He was sure he would regret it later and he would probably be upset about it. However, at the moment, he was angry. Nothing could satisfy his desire to avenge Alice. She was helpless and did not deserve that sort of treatment. So presently, he didn't care.

"You okay Itachi?" Kisame asked, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. He too was aware of Itachi's desire to protect his home village. But then again, he also knew how much Itachi loved Alice and how much he wanted to protect her.

He shared close to the same feelings for the fiery teen.

Itachi nodded, glancing at his partner. "I am." Though he was often quiet, Itachi was internally grateful for Kisame. He knew that the shark-like man cared for him as much as someone of their profession could.

Kakuzu grunted, gaining all of their attention. "Pay attention to Leader. He is about to perform his jutsu." His eyes narrowed, focusing on their leader.

There he floated, an ominous black figure in the moonlight, high above the village they had just attacked.

"SHINRA TENSEI!" Pein shouted from his spot in the sky.

The present Akatsuki shielded their faces as debris, dirt, and wind rushed towards them under the influence of Pein's jutsu. They watched in amazement as their leader reduced the once powerful Shinobi village of Konoha to nothing but a barren patch of dirt.

Konoha was now nothing but a dent in the terrain.

All six men gawked at the result of Pein's jutsu.

They all spoke in unison. A single word was the only thing they were able to say past their shock.

"…Damn…"

* * *

_When there is nothing else to say, Damn fills the silence pretty well:D_

**_Fun Fact:_**_ A group of unicorns is called a blessing._

Answer: _My favorite cartoon... it honestly depends. I loved Rocket Power and Looney Toons. I loved Scooby-Doo. Ah, there are just so many good ones. If we're counting Pokemon and Digimon as cartoons, then they are number one and two, but if not... probably Tom and Jerry and Looney Toons. And I still love Spongebob._

**QotC: **_What is the scariest movie__ you've ever seen? I have a feeling I'm going to get some goofy answers..._

_To answer questions: No. Alice isn't blind in her scarred eye. No, she will not be getting a spare eye. Besides, even if she did become blind and her group of ninja misfits got her a replacement eye, she doesn't have chakra so she wouldn't be able to do any special affects or anything like if Madara gave her the Sharingan from his massive collection. No. She's still a chakraless civilian with a scarred eye._

_To address other concerns: Kakashi is not dead, nor will he _ever_ die. Ever. I don't care if Kishimoto kills him. In my heart, he will never be dead because I love him way too much. Itachi will never be dead in my heart either. Nor will Kisame and Kakuzu. Basically all of the Akatsuki beside Madara because he's an asshole. :D_

_Happy Monday and Columbus Day dearies. It's a pointless holiday, but, all the same. Hooray._

_Oh my Jashin... Have you guys seen the new opening video for the Naruto episodes yet? Hahaha It's freaking amazing. Go watch it. Seriously. It made me fall off my bed I was laughing so hard. *snickers*_

_For those of you lovely people who watch Bleach in subs, the filler arch is over this week and we'll be returning to the story line now:)_

_But, I'm done. Toodles.  
_


	85. Chapter 85

_Decently important author's note down below._

_Enjoy sweetums. I do not own Naruto._

* * *

Pein blinked as he was joined by his subordinates in the middle of the now destroyed Konoha. He looked at his comrades in approval, blatantly ignoring the huge barren wasteland that was once the powerful village of Konoha.

It just wasn't up on his level. He is God, after all.

"Mission accomplished." He stated to his minions. "Good work."

"Leader, Alice is currently with Kathryn and Konan. Konan's healing her as we speak, un." Deidara informed him. He looked around what was left of Konoha. "That was awesome by the way, yeah."

Pein chuckled. "We shall take our leave. They will think twice about meddling in our affairs after this. The nine-tails was not here as Kathryn told us. We have no reason to stay."

Madara joined them, calmly appearing out of his little warp swirl. "Nicely done Pein. Come. We'll return to base. Sasuke and his team have captured the eight-tails."

Pein dipped his head. "Very well. Let's go." He shot off with his subordinates flying after him, Deidara in a more literal sense.

Itachi quickly caught up with Madara and Pein before addressing his superiors. "What do we do after collecting Alice, Kathryn, and Konan?"

"We'll return to base and wait for Alice to recover. We also have the eight-tails to seal." Pein explained. "Once Alice is back to normal, we will move forward in our plans after consulting with her about what happens next in the storyline."

He nodded quietly and slowed to a stop before the origami tree he knew the rest of the Akatsuki were in. Zetsu had met them there and was currently chatting with Kathryn as Konan healed Alice. Sable looked up from the bone Zetsu gave her and instantly shot to Itachi. The weasel paused for a moment to pet the excited wolf.

"Konan." Pein stated, walking over to the origami master and long term partner. "How is she?"

"Not good." Konan sighed, stopping her chakra flow to look up at Pein. "Her life isn't in danger, but I won't know how she is for certain until she wakes up."

Itachi walked over to Alice and knelt beside her. He touched her forehead gently and sighed. "How long ago did she fall asleep?"

"She didn't." Konan frowned. "She refused to so Madara knocked her out."

Itachi's eyes flashed to Madara and they narrowed.

"It's for the better Itachi. No harm was done to her. I simply was making her rest." Madara stated with amusement in his voice. "Blame her for being so stubborn."

Kisame patted Itachi's shoulder. "You want me to carry her, Itachi?"

"No." Itachi stated. "I will." He picked her up carefully and cradled her to his chest. He kissed her forehead, sending a bit of chakra into the gesture to rouse her. She twitched before opening her unscarred eye, looking around until she caught up to what was going on.

"Can I punch Madara?" She asked tiredly.

A few of the members laughed. Madara chuckled.

Kisame rumpled her hair gently. "You're so feisty Alice."

She smiled weakly. "Hi." She leaned into Itachi a second later, her smile fading. "Tired."

"She must have gone through gruesome torture." Kakuzu assumed.

"That is all the more reason to get her home swiftly." Sasori concluded. "We should go."

Pein nodded in agreement and looked to Konan. "Konan, release your jutsu." Pein ordered gently.

She performed a hand sign and her paper tree disappeared in a massive flutter of papers. Sable ran around trying to catch random pieces, much to the amusement of a few members. Once the tree was gone, Konan sighed tiredly and breathed deeply to catch her breath.

"Are you alright?" Pein asked, watching her with concern in his eyes.

She nodded. "Just a little tired."

Pein scooped her up and held her bridal style. "I will carry you until you have restored your chakra. Do not tire yourself, Konan. You've worked hard."

Kathryn giggled and Alice smirked weakly, watching the pair.

Konan blushed. "Thank you..."

"Hidan, get Sable." Itachi requested. Hidan grunted his understanding and picked the wolf up, earning himself a few greeting licks.

"Let's move." Madara barked. He led the way as the rest of the Akatsuki shot after him.

Konan rested her head on Pein's shoulder as they ran. "...Nagato."

Pein looked down at her and gave her a tiny smile as they headed home.

**First Person Alice!**

Jashin this sucks.

My right eye is bandaged so I can't open it.

The rest of my body is slowly recovering thanks to Sasori, Kakuzu, Karin and Konan. And I've been stuck in the infirmary for the past four days.

This is no fun.

Every time I try to leave, someone pops in and forces me to go back to bed. Kakuzu even tied me down with his threads the first day. Sasori flipped out on me when he found out I had attempted to get up. It was actually fairly scary. I hadn't seen him that irritated in a long time and I wouldn't put it past him to fulfill those death threats.

Most of the time, it's just Taka though because everyone else is busy sealing the eight tails. In all, it's not what I want.

I _want_ to get out of here. I _want_ for everything to go back to normal. I _want_ to spend time with my murderers after being tortured in Konoha for well over a week. Hell, it might even have been over two. Time was skewed in that Jashin-forsaken cell.

I sighed and turned over in my bed so I was facing the wall. I closed my eye and pulled the blankets over my head.

I can't take sitting in here anymore.

Kathryn and Sable have been the only company I've had other than Sasuke, Suigetsu, Karin, and Jūgo. Karin has only been in here to heal me though. The others come in just to make sure I'm not going to lose my mind from being in here alone.

It's nice, don't get me wrong. But it isn't want I need.

I just want to stay with my Itachi.

_He_ is what I need.

For the past three days, they have been sealing the eight tails. The first day back Itachi refused to sleep in this bed with me because every time something touched me pain shot through my body. And there was no way I was going to let him sleep in a _chair_.

Little do they know, that "eight-tails" they think they're sealing is actually just a tentacle.

The only good thing that came from all this was the fact that Sasuke developed his Mangekyō Sharingan. Apparently, just seeing the videos of Itachi's death and feeling the overwhelming emotions of knowing that he could have possibly lost his brother, was enough to entice the next level of the Uchiha Kekkei Genkai.

Pretty awesome in my opinion.

At some point, we are going to have to exchange their eyes so we didn't have two blind buffoons running around the base. And Itachi was discussing methods with Pein and Sasori about getting the snake pedo out of Sasuke's curse mark.

"Alice?" Itachi's voice said suddenly from the doorway, tearing me from my dramatic monologue. I listened to him walk over to me and sit down in the chair beside my bed. "Alice, are you awake?"

"No." I stated, not bothering to smother my bitter tone.

He sighed. "I'm sorry Alice."

"I'm not mad at you." I said quietly. "Stop apologizing you adorable weasel."

I felt him put his hand on my head. "Can you turn to look at me?"

"If you get in this bed to cuddle with me, I will." I told him.

"I can't Alice. You're still not healed completely. I don't want to hurt you." He stated. "Just let me look at you."

I peeked over the edge of the blanket to see him watching me. I couldn't take it. Screw being stubborn, I needed to hold him. I pushed the blanket down away from my face and turned in the bed carefully to face him.

"Itachi, please let me hug you." I whispered. "I need to."

He bit his lip hesitantly. "Alice."

"Don't worry about hurting me. I'm fine. Please? Just for a minute." I begged.

Itachi stroked the less injured side of my face. "I love you Alice." He pressed his forehead to mine and kissed me. I moved my hand that wasn't connected to an IV and touched his face, trying to pull him closer.

"Ouch." I swore, moving my hand hooked to the blasted IV. "Damn needles. They're preventing me from touching my weasel." I pouted. "This isn't fun Itachi."

He nuzzled my cheek with his nose. "I'm sorry, Alice. You'll be back to normal soon."

"Not soon enough." I sighed. I looked up as the door opened and Madara came marching in. Something was off about his typically arrogant strut. It was stiffer and I instantly caught waves of killer intent.

We have an angry Uchiha on the loose.

"Ah, hello Madara. How are you?"

"The eight-tails was a tentacle." He said. I could detect a hint of anger in his voice. "Did this happen in the story line?"

I nodded, resting my head on the pillow again. "Why yes it did. I told you not to underestimate him."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He growled.

I shrugged. "I forgot."

"Don't lie to me, Alice." He snapped. I saw Itachi's stiffen and his entire expression hardened into an angry one. His eyebrows met when his eyes narrowed and his lips flattened out.

Itachi did not approve.

I glared at him. "I am not lying. I would have told you, but I was too busy having the shit beat out of me in Konoha. Forgive me for getting my ass handed to me during torture, Madara. Get over your superiority complex and pull your head out of your ass for a minute. It isn't my fault you underestimated Bee."

Madara's Sharingan narrowed at me from behind his mask. He was not happy. His deathly evil aura was enough to tell me that. "Where is he?"

"I'm not sure." I admitted. "He hides in the water where Sasuke left him for a while, then he goes out and travels on his own for a bit. I don't know where he is."

"Where is he when he shows himself again?" Madara asked.

"That isn't for a while." I stated. "As to where he is when he shows himself again, I don't know. I could show you. That would require me to get out of this damn bed though."

Itachi tapped my nose in a scolding manner. "Nice try, Alice."

Madara sighed. "Recover quickly. I will call upon you once you're back to full health."

"Yeah, sure." I sighed, rolling my eye as he left. "He's in a bad mood."

Itachi glared after him. "You noticed?"

"Yeah, his evil aura was intensified by about fifteen notches on the 'I'm-an-immortal-asshole' scale." I stated. "He exceeded Hidan's usual limit."

Itachi kissed me again, the corners of his mouth twitching with amusement. "I love you."

"I love you too." I sighed, returning the kiss. "Seriously, when can I get out of here? I won't even do anything. I just want to stay with you."

"Once Konan is satisfied that you are well again, you will be taken off the IV. Once I am satisfied that you are better, you can leave the infirmary." He explained.

"So basically you're telling me I can never leave." I pouted.

Itachi stroked my cheek. "I want you to be at my side as well Alice, but I am not going to risk your wellbeing merely because I want you. I would rather you be 100%."

"I'm _fine_ Itachi. It's nothing I can't handle." I sighed. "I miss you. You're what I need. I don't need fucking bed rest and a damn IV. I need _you_."

He sighed quietly. "I'm sorry."

I closed my eyes and looked away from his stubbornness. "You know, you're the only reason I didn't break down? Every time I thought I was going to lose it, I thought of you and I gained control of myself." I bit my lip. "I haven't been able to touch you for far too long Itachi. I don't want anything more than to hold you."

The bed creaked almost silently as weight was added to it. I looked around to see Itachi lying down beside me. I fought back a smile and rolled into his arms, pressing as close to him as I could. He buried his face into my hair and held me.

"I'm sorry Alice." Itachi whispered. "I'll never let you go through that again." His voice cracked slightly and he shuddered. "Words cannot express how sorry I am. I should have been there to protect you."

"Shut up." I snapped. "It isn't your fault." I nuzzled him. "I don't care about being tortured. I just missed you."

He squeezed me gently and kissed me. "I love you so much. I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "Just stay with me and I'll be fine, love." I shivered. "Jashin I missed you so much."

He kissed my cheek. "I missed you as well, Alice."

Content with lying with my weasel, I fell asleep in his arms, keeping a death grip on his shirt so he couldn't leave me. I doubt he would. Now that he was holding me, Itachi showed no signs of letting me go.

I didn't mind.

* * *

"Looks like Alice talked him into sleeping with her." Kisame chuckled, tearing me from my sleep. I opened the eye that wasn't wrapped in bandages to see my face was buried into Itachi's perfect chest. I smiled, overly content with this situation.

"She's been demanding him for the past three days." Sasuke stated.

"I know. It was taking everything he had not to go to her." Kisame stated. "Poor kids."

"Kisame, if you wake her up, I'll kill you." Itachi growled, lifting his head off the pillow to glare over his shoulder at his partner.

"He already did." I muttered into his chest. "But I don't care. You can kill him later. I'm not done holding you yet."

Kisame pouted. "You wouldn't kill Sasuke if he woke her up?"

"No." Itachi said stubbornly. "I would scold him though."

Sasuke chuckled. "How is she, Aniki?"

"Alice?" Itachi wondered.

I nuzzled him. "I feel awesome now that I have my weasel."

It was true. I did.

Itachi always makes me feel better.

I looked over Itachi to Kisame and Sasuke. "So, have the Kage been called for the Kage summit yet?"

"We were just informed of that this morning." Itachi stated. "Zetsu passed on the message. Sasuke has also been targeted for kidnapping the eight-tails."

I looked at Sasuke. "Are you going to the summit?"

"Madara mentioned it." He nodded.

I frowned. "Itachi, I need to talk to Pein and Konan. It's important."

He nodded. "Kisame."

"Kisame, Madara can't know about this." I hissed. "Don't tell anyone and make sure you don't tell Pein and Konan what it's about."

He paused. "Alright kiddo." He hurried from the room to go and fetch the leaders.

"Sasuke, I'll probably be talking to you about the summit soon." I stated, resting my cheek on Itachi's. "However, I need to talk privately with Konan and Pein."

Sasuke nodded. "I understand. Take it easy, Alice."

"Thanks Sasuke. See you buddy." I smiled. When he left the room I looked at Itachi. "You can stay."

He dipped his head quietly. "Very well." He looked up as Konan and Pein walked in. He sat up, and helped me sit up in the bed against the pillows.

Pein raised his eyebrow. "What is it you want to talk about, Alice?"

"I have something very important to tell the two of you." I stated. "No one can overhear this so if there's a way to prevent that, see to it."

Pein nodded and he performed a quick jutsu at the same time Itachi did.

"What is it Alice?" Konan asked.

"I'm going to tell you exactly what happens in the story after Konoha is destroyed." I stated. "Short version, you die by restoring the lives to those Konoha Shinobi that died because you believe in Naruto's quest for peace. Konan vows to help Naruto and leaves the Akatsuki with your body and Yahiko's."

Pein's eyes narrowed.

"Madara sends Sasuke to the Kage summit, he shows up and declares a fourth Shinobi war against all of the Kage and their villages. Sasuke leaves, kills Danzo, then Madara transplants Itachi's eyes into Sasuke." I glared, my mood suddenly swinging to a furious one. "Then Kabuto shows up, uses Edo Tensei and revives all of the previously killed Akatsuki. Nagato, Itachi, Kakuzu, Sasori, and Deidara are summoned from the grave."

Itachi frowned. "He calls us from the dead?"

"He insults you by preventing you from resting. He disrespects all of you." I snapped. "That is why I hate Kabuto. He takes you as his slaves and forces you to fight in the war started by Madara who willingly uses you guys. You should have been allowed to rest in peace after dying, but those _fuckers_ use you as tools for their own means."

Pein frowned.

"Before the battling actually begins, Madara goes after your Rinnegan. He kills Konan who does her all to defend you and kill him. He then goes to the shrine your bodies are in and takes your Rinnegan from you, transplanting it into his left eye. He's been manipulating you from the very beginning to fulfill his plans, Pein." I continued. "I should have told you sooner, but I didn't know he would be interested in following the storyline so much."

I sighed when Konan looked between Pein and me in shock. "Not to mention, I was going to attempt to talk him out of it."

"You will do no such thing." Itachi stated. "You will stay away from Madara. From now on, you will not go near him. If that means I have to go with you, so be it."

I nodded. "Fair enough."

Pein blinked. "I appreciate you telling me this Alice. What do you propose we do? I do not want to go to war, but it appears as if it is inevitable."

Konan frowned. "Where are Zetsu and Kisame during all this?"

"Kisame follows Madara's orders pretty much because he has nothing better to do. He dies shortly after the war starts and I seriously doubt he knows anything about Kabuto. However, knowing Kisame like I do, I know he'd follow Itachi." I explained. "Zetsu helps Madara. Though I think it's mainly just because Zetsu likes scaring the shit out of people."

"As to what I propose we do?" I muttered. "That depends on what you guys want to do. Do you want to follow Madara's sick plans? Remember what he's been doing all this time. And know that you willingly gave your life to back Naruto."

I looked at Itachi before returning my gaze back to our Leader. "I will follow you Pein. You're the Leader in my opinion. Whatever you want to do, I'll back you."

Pein frowned. "I will think on it. I need to consider the options."

"I know." I nodded. "Take my iPod and phone. From there, read and watch whatever episodes and chapters you need to, to understand the situation. I suggest reading about Madara on Narutopedia. They're in Itachi's room in the nightstand by the bed. First drawer."

"It is important that Madara not discover what we have been discussing." Konan said quietly. "Not until the opportune moment."

"If you do decide to go against Madara, we should ally with the Shinobi army that will form. I will handle it." I stated. "Though, since you're our fearless leader, you should as well."

Pein nodded and stood. "You have given me much to think about Alice. I thank you for telling me all this. I will find you when I have reached a decision. Please, keep yourself safe until then."

I smiled. "No problem Pein."

Konan leaned over and inspected me. "How are you feeling?"

"Good enough to get out of here." I told her.

"Alright." She stated. "I'm going to let you out of here if you stick with Itachi or one of the other trusted members _at all times_ until Pein-sama contacts you. You are not to do anything strenuous. No cooking, cleaning, or babysitting."

"Yes ma'am." I nodded. "You have to tell Hidan."

"I most certainly will." Konan smiled. "Sasori and I will be checking on you every now and then as well. Understand me?"

I smiled at her. "Of course Konan. Thank you."

She nodded as she freed me from the IV. "I'll send Sasori over before you go to bed to change your bandages on your eye."

"I will watch over her, Konan." Itachi assured her.

Konan nodded. She and Pein left after saying bye to Itachi and me. Once they were gone, I forced Itachi to kiss me before trying to get up.

It wasn't too bad.

I could stand on my own and walk.

But I could only do it for a bit without getting tired.

"This is where I come in." Itachi chuckled, picking me up gently when I started to feel a bit woozy. "Where would you like to go?"

"I wanna hug Kisame." I told him. "And the others please. I would also like to smother Sable with affection. I miss my baby."

He chuckled. "The living room then? Once you're finished greeting them, you're coming with me to our bedroom so I can keep you to myself."

I smiled and hugged him. "Hell yeah."

* * *

_So... The latest Naruto chapter... How many minds were blown?_

_**Fun Fact: **The last Naruto chapter made Dani about have a cow._

Answer: _Avatar: The Last Airbender. That movie was so awful that it scared me. But seriously though, movies don't scare me._

**QotC: **_Is Tobi a good boy?_

_So in regards to the most recent Naruto chapter, my plans for this story will have to be altered slightly. However, because little is known about the sudden change in the manga, this story process might slow just a tiny bit. But, if it does, I promise to fill you all with a shit load of outtakes and oneshots of varying awesomeness in my oneshot collection thing. Or, I'll just start a new thing all together._

_It all depends. For now though, lovelies, I must go. I have shit to do._

_I heart you all._

_**OMFJ WE HAVE OVER 2000 REVIEWS! THAT'S SO AWESOME!**_

__Dani = dead because of overwhelming amazingness.

_Bye~_


	86. Chapter 86

_Enjoy~_

_I own everything._

* * *

Being weak and tired all the time totally isn't cool. But it does have its upsides.

Upside one: I got to stay with Itachi all of the time.

No matter what the situation, Itachi was at my side throughout the time that I've been out of the infirmary. He didn't carry me around unless I needed him to. Like when I was so tired from walking around yesterday afternoon that I almost fell on my face.

Upside two: I didn't have to cook or clean.

Hidan wasn't happy about it because the others had to cook so the food wasn't up to his standards after having eaten my cooking for so long. The base wasn't spotless like I kept it, but it wasn't to the point where it was dangerous.

Honestly, I'm impressed by that.

Twelve guys, four girls, and a growing wolf puppy living in the same base could cause some serious damage. But, we're still living and it has yet to smell different. It still smells like explosives, blood, poison, and the distinct smell of rain.

Don't tell me water doesn't have a scent. It does.

Upside three: Because of my "condition" it gave me the perfect excuse to not be alone.

Madara couldn't pop up and take me because I was _always_ with someone and Sable. She stayed with me and whoever I was with. That was usually Itachi, Kisame, and Sasuke. Though, I was left with Jūgo, Hidan, and Kakuzu once.

But, with every upside, there are downsides.

Downside one: I hate being helpless. And because of that, my stubbornness increased by about 10 notches.

Downside two: My eye is still wrapped up. Konan makes me keep the bandages off for a certain period of time everyday so it can breathe and Sasori sits there in front of me, making me open it and do weird little exercises with my eye. To make sure I can still use it.

It's freaking weird.

Finally, Downside three: Itachi has been twice as paranoid to the point of insanity.

* * *

I sighed and stretched as I woke up from a surprisingly peaceful sleep. I blinked and looked around at the weasel beside me. He was sleeping contently, with Sable curled around his head. I smiled at the cuteness and quietly got up, taking care not to wake either of them.

Satisfied with my ninja silence, I shuffled weakly to the bathroom, gathering clothes to change into. I struggled into the shower, wincing at my body's protest to so much movement. I had been kept off my feet by Itachi, so my body wasn't used to or ready to do so much.

However, I took my shower and got out. Once I finished drying myself off, I pulled my clothes on and sat on the bathroom sink counter to brush my hair. I sighed, pushing away the dizziness and focused on staying upright.

I had just finished brushing my hair when the door flew open and Itachi burst into the room. He looked around in a panic before he saw me. He shot to my side and grabbed my face, looking at me with worry in his eyes.

"Itachi?" I questioned, grabbing his hands. "What's wrong?"

"Alice." He barked. "You can't leave me like that. You're not strong enough to move around on your own! It's too dangerous for you to leave my sight." He frowned at me. "What were you thinking?"

Like every person who randomly gets scolded, I instantly went defensive. I frowned at him. "Itachi, I just went to the bathroom to take a shower. Calm down."

"You should have told me." He said firmly.

Alright Mr. Demanding.

"You were sleeping." I retorted. "I am not required to wake you up and let you know if I decide to take a shower or use the toilet. Itachi, I'm not a child."

He crossed his arms. "I'm well aware you're not a child, Alice. However, you are still recovering from being tortured. Not to mention, you aren't supposed to be alone."

I rolled my eyes. "I can take care of myself. I've been doing it for about fourteen years, Itachi Uchiha." I got off the counter in order to glare at him properly. "I understand you're concerned for me, but you need to realize that I don't need your help for everything."

"I begged to differ." He snapped.

"Oh really?" I questioned, raising my eyebrow. I poked his chest. "Look Uchiha, stop being supercilious and get over your supremacy fixation or so help me I'll shove my foot straight up your ass."

"I would love to see you try it, Alice. If you are able to, that is." He retorted. "I am a ninja. You are a civilian who lacks chakra."

"And you're an asshole." I snarled. "Stop talking to me like I'm helpless."

"Compared to a ninja, you are." Itachi pointed out. "Look at what happened to you when I allowed you out of my sight, Alice. I almost didn't recognize you with all of the wounds and blood covering you."

Now you see, under normal circumstances, I would find his concern for me sweet and adorable. However, he was going about it the wrong way. He was being a pompous dick about it. Also, I don't like being scolded for no reason like most people. Not to mention, I've been on edge since I got back from Konoha because I've been in a lot of pain and I have lots of shit on my mind.

I frowned at him. "I managed just fine on my own. You guys took your sweet ass time getting there anyways." The instant that statement left my mouth, I regretted it. Itachi winced at my words and I saw the pain in his eyes. I almost apologized, but then I remembered that I was pissed off.

So, almost apologizing was thrown out the window.

"Madara would not let us leave any sooner." He stated, his voice faltering slightly.

"Madara shmadara." I stated with a dismissive wave. "I would have told Madara to shove his own head up his ass if our positions were reversed. I would have torn down the fucking world if you were taken from me."

"Alice, it wasn't that simple." Itachi stated with a sigh.

Someone is being submissive. How very unlike an Uchiha…

I nodded. "You're right. I don't blame you for anything. But, don't come barging in here and start scolding me because I got up early to _take a shower_ unless you want me to put you in your place merely with fucking words."

His desire to argue obviously returned because he glared at me. "I accept your challenge, Alice. I have every right to protect you. I dislike being away from you even when I know you're safe. I didn't know where you were. You have no idea how much that scares me."

I internally awed at that, but my inner bipolar angry bitch wanted nothing more than to punch him in his pretty mouth.

"How do you think I feel when you leave for missions and shit?" I snapped. "You put yourself in more danger than I do. It would be different if I left the base to go to the store or something Itachi. I went to the bathroom while you were sleeping. I didn't take a jog through a fucking battle field like you do."

"I am required to go on missions." He snapped back.

"And I'm required to tell you to shove your overprotective paranoia up your ass when I was literally only twenty feet from you at most." I snarled. "If you don't mind, get out of the bathroom." I sighed. "I don't want to talk to you."

"No." He said smoothly. "You aren't leaving my sight. You weren't supposed to in the first place. I almost had a heart attack thinking someone took you."

I stared at him before walking around him and out of the room. I slammed the door behind me. "I'm not a baby."

Without really thinking, I marched to the door that connected our bedroom to Kisame's and I ripped it open. Throwing a middle finger to the Uchiha who just emerged from the bathroom, I shut the door behind me and walked to Kisame's bed.

Said shark shifted in his sleep when I crawled into the bed beside him and he opened his eyes to see me cuddling into him. He smiled tiredly and wrapped his arms around me. "Not that I'm not pleased to see you, Al, but what's with the angry expression and coming in here?"

"Itachi and I were fighting." I mumbled. "I don't want to talk to him."

Kisame sighed and hugged me, kissing my head. "It'll be alright kiddo. Do you want to talk about it? Do I need to go in there and kick his ass?"

"No." I sighed, smiling a bit at his loveable ways. "Sorry Kisa. I didn't want to wake you. Just go back to sleep."

He ran his fingers through my damp hair and hugged me again. "Alright. I'm here for you Alice. Know that."

"I know." I whispered. Obviously, I wore myself out by arguing with Itachi and moving around so much, because a few moments later, I was sleeping.

It was either that, or because Kisame's bed was extremely soft.

* * *

"What is she doing in here?" Sasori's voice asked, breaking through my sleepy haze. "And why is Itachi acting like a pissy teenage girl?"

"She said they were fighting." Kisame's raspy voice stated from beside me. My face vibrated a bit at that and I instantly realized my face was pressed against his chest as he held me.

Sasori sighed. "That's exactly what she needs in her condition." I could imagine him shaking his head. "I'll punch Itachi later. For now, I need to check on her."

"Al." Kisame whispered, shaking me gently. "Alice."

"Hn?" I grunted.

He chuckled. "You need to get up. Sasori needs to check on you."

I opened my eyes and sighed. "So check on me."

"Sit up." Said puppet master ordered. I obeyed when I caught the threatening look he gave me and I leaned against Kisame while Sasori inspected the slice on my eye and did the rest of his routine. "What did you two fight about?"

"He was being an asshole Uchiha." I shrugged.

"Care to elaborate, or should I compare him to Madara?" Sasori asked.

"Do what you want. I don't care. I'm angry at him." I growled.

Kisame chuckled. "I'm going to go and give him a talk."

I straightened up off of him as he stood. "Kick his ass for me."

"Will do." He grinned.

Sasori eyed me. "Alice."

"What?" I sighed.

"You don't need to be stressing yourself out." He scolded, sitting in front of me.

"Tell that to Itachi." I growled.

He scoffed and patted my head. "Believe me. As soon as I'm done with you, I'll be going to have a talk with him." He injected a bit of my serum in my arm before standing. "Stay in bed. I'll send Deidara or Hidan in with something for you to eat in a bit."

"Hn." I mumbled. I watched him leave before flopping back onto Kisame's mattress. It was very comfortable, more so than our bed. Kisame obviously loves soft stuff because his bed was the softest thing I've ever slept on. About two seconds after Sasori left, Jūgo came in. He sat in the corner of the room to watch over me and set about reading a book in his hand.

We talked for a bit, but when I started feeling the effects of the drugs Sasori gave me, Jūgo fell silent in order to let me try and sleep and so he could read.

I had been about to drift back to sleep when the door opened and Hidan poked his head inside. "Sup bitch? You awake?"

"Hi Hidan." I sighed.

He grinned at me and walked further into the room. "You can go eat fucker. I'll watch her."

Jūgo stood. "Take care of yourself, Alice."

"Thanks Jūgo." I yawned. Hidan and I watched him leave and once the door shut behind him, Hidan threw himself on the bed beside me. He offered me a plate of food which I accepted at his prodding.

"So, I heard you and the Uchiha bastard were fighting." Hidan began.

"Yep." I confirmed.

"He's kinda right you know." My brother of the faith stated.

I frowned. "He didn't have to be a dick about it."

Hidan held up his hand to soothe me. "I said kinda for a reason, bitch. He overreacted and I wasn't there so I don't know all the shit he said to you. But, you are a hormonal bitch so you might have overreacted too."

"Fuck you, Hidan." I mumbled. "I know I might have overreacted, but I can't help it. He barged into the bathroom when I got up while he was still sleeping to take a shower. He started yelling at me as soon as he about broke the door down."

Hidan nodded. "Okay, so he overreacted a lot. But, you gotta fucking remember that you were just tortured by those Konoha shits. And, the base is fucking tense with trying to keep Tobi or Madara or whatever the fuck he calls himself now away from you."

"I was literally less than twenty feet away from him, Hidan." I stated. "He was sleeping and I was taking a shower. I am not required to wake him up to let him know I'm cleaning myself. And sometimes, I'd like to be alone."

"Deal with it." Hidan grunted, bumping his shoulder against mine. "Your fucking Uchiha is insane about you. I know you're the same way about him, but you're also a fucking kid. You don't have chakra, and you're not a damn ninja."

"I am not a kid." I snapped. "I'm only a few years younger than you."

He shrugged. "Whatever."

"Not to mention I act more mature than you do." I added.

"Hey!" He smacked me so I laughed. He smirked at me while I snickered at his reaction before he knocked his head gently against mine. "So, are you going to be a pissy bitch or are you going to say something to Itachi?"

I huffed and looked away. "He can do something first. I refuse to give in because I know I'm right."

"Of course you fucking do." He sighed. "Fucking women…"

* * *

And so, the day went on. Itachi and I didn't speak to each other and the tension was obvious. Everyone was spilt on which side they should be one. Some agreed with me while others agreed with Itachi.

Kisame was neutral and he remained so adamantly. He was mad at Itachi for making me upset, but he also agreed with Itachi. Sasori betrayed me and told me I was an idiot and Itachi was right. Deidara, taking anything as an excuse to insult an Uchiha and argue with Itachi, yelled at him for making me upset. Hidan was on my side because he's secretly my best friend and Kakuzu announced that he didn't give a shit either way, and both of us were at fault. Kathryn was like Kisame, though she leaned more towards my side.

Sasuke and Jūgo were on Itachi's side as was expected. Suigetsu didn't care and Karin's opinion doesn't matter anyways. None of us thought to involve Pein and Konan because of the tension in the base so we just let them be.

Currently, I was sitting in the living room, petting Sable sadly. Sure I was angry at Itachi for being a jerk, but I still missed talking to him. However, my stubbornness refused to let me make peace first. And Itachi showed no signs of doing it either.

Kisame was going to do it for us.

He was sitting on the third couch in the room with Kakuzu and Sasori. Kathryn, Deidara, and Hidan sat with me while Itachi sat with Sasuke and Jūgo on the last couch. We were all quiet. Most of them were obviously looking between Itachi and I, wondering when we were going to make up.

Kisame finally got fed up. He got to his feet with a sigh. "Alright, I can't do this anymore."

I looked up from Sable just in time to see him pick me up off the couch. He carried me to Itachi and dumped me on his lap. "You two, make up or I'll lock you in the closet. I'm sick of the silence and tension. Both of you were right and both of you were wrong. Stop being stubborn and go make babies or something."

Sasori started chuckling while Kathryn, Deidara, and Hidan grinned at us. I stared at Kisame for a minute before looking at Itachi. He looked at me at the same time.

"Well, because I don't feel like dealing with the fucking awkward makeup time, I'm going to see how the other little shits are doing with dinner." Hidan announced, getting to his feet.

Kathryn hopped to her feet and hurried after him, throwing me a wink while she pulled Deidara after her. Deidara stopped in the doorway and pointed at Itachi threateningly. "Make her sad again Uchiha, and I'll turn you into art."

"Out." Sasori snapped, grabbing Deidara's ear and pulling him along as he too made to leave Itachi and I alone. Kisame ushered Sasuke and Jūgo out and Kakuzu brought up the rear, mumbling about kids these days and how he was too old to deal with them.

I waited for them to be gone before looking at Itachi. "So…"

"So." He repeated.

I raised my eyebrow. "If I apologize, will you admit you were being a dick?"

"If I apologize, will you admit that I was right to worry?" He asked. I smiled slightly, so he continued. "I am sorry for being rude Alice. However, when I didn't see you when I woke up, I was scared. I love you. Forgive me?"

"Yep." I smiled. "I'm sorry for worrying you. I understand you were being protective and sweet, but you went about it the wrong way. Don't break down the door and start yelling at me. I don't like that. And, don't be a pretentious jerk about stuff." I kissed his cheek. "Though, if it makes you feel any better, I thought it was adorable that you were worried and slightly sexy that you're willing to argue with me."

"Good." He muttered, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned into him and closed my eyes. We sat like that for about a minute until whimpering caught both of our attention. Looking down, found Sable, looking up at us expectantly, waiting to be held and cuddled.

She's so spoiled.

* * *

_:) My facebook language is in Leet (1337) Speak. :D  
_

**_Fun Fact:_**_ In Quitman, Georgia, US, it is illegal for a chicken to cross the road._

Answer: _Tobi is indeed a good boy. However, good is a point of view and opinion. Thus, this was a trick question. :D_

**QotC: **_What is the weirdest gift you've ever given or received?_

_So on Friday, I was at a high school football game, just for funzies. However, while I was talking to Kathryn and her boyfriend, I saw this chick run by me wearing an Akatsuki cloak. I stopped mid-sentence, took off after her, and tackled her to the ground, screaming about it and freaking out. I swear everyone stopped watching the game to watch me flip a shit. But, I don't really care because it was awesome and my friend Kevin eventually had to drag me away from the girl before I killed her and stole her cloak which I was also screaming about doing._

_Kathryn stood there with her fuzzy boyfriend and just face-palmed the entire time._

_I have an extreme obsession. Leave me alone. Saturday I went to Lazer Tag while my school had homecoming with a few friends and we pwned some n00b5.  
_

_I almost got suspended today~ The drug dogs came to my school and I ran out of my classroom when I saw one, fully intending on showering it with love. I would have tackled it had my sub for my English class, the psychology teacher, Mr. Lyons, not put me in a headlock and dragged me back into the room. It was funny but I'm lucky the principle and my teachers love me or else I'd be in trouble. Not to mention, I knew the handler of the dog. :D_

_I have a lot of issues. :D I sang "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" in Spanish today. My teacher just stared at me while me and my friends Matt and Mike just went all out. All in all, an amusing day._

_How was your day? Good I hope?_

_Well, I love you. But, I must be off._

_**Bye!~**_


	87. Chapter 87

_Chapter 87 ladies and gents._

_I don't own Naruto._

_Enjoy:D_

* * *

"You know, I feel like, if we were to compare our rogue ninjas to characters in literature and movies, there would be some very similar characteristics and personalities." I mused, resting my head on Kathryn's stomach.

We were in my bedroom, making a mini friend-o-gram, more commonly known as the position people must assume when they intend on playing the Belly Laughter game. I was lying with my head on Kathryn's stomach and hers was on Deidara's. Hidan was using my stomach as a pillow and Sable was lying on top of him. The four of us were on my bed, lazing about. Sasuke, Suigetsu, and Sasori were with us. Kisame was out sparring with Itachi and Kakuzu and Karin and Jūgo were making dinner in my stead.

"Oh?" Kathryn pressed.

"Yeah." I nodded. "For example: before being reunited with his brother, Sasuke kind of reminds me of the Frankenstein monster."

Kathryn snorted, causing my head to bounce. "Oh my goodness that's awful. Frankenstein is supposed to be super hideous. Sasuke is anything but, Alice."

Sasuke glared at me.

"No, no." I said shaking my head. "I don't mean in physicality. I mean in personality and actions." I rumpled Sasuke's hair seeing as he was sitting on the floor against the bed near me.

"Who is this Frankenstein, dare I ask?" Sasori wondered, looking up from his book.

"Frankenstein is a scientifically created being who is abandoned by his creator shortly after gaining life. He eventually becomes revengeful after being left alone and abandoned and vows to torment and cause his creator eternal suffering." I explain, smirking at Sasuke. "So, in essence, Itachi is an evil and slightly crazy scientist that was the cause of his creation's hatred. In the end, the monster regrets having driven his creator to death, just like Sasuke would have if I hadn't fucked with fate."

Deidara snickered.

Kathryn laughed. "That's so true." She smiled. "Though, I would attribute the mad scientist factor to Orochimaru."

Sasuke sighed. "I have nothing to say about this."

"My vices are the children of a forced solitude that I abhor, and my virtues will necessarily arise when I live in communion with an equal." I quoted. "When Sasuke was all emo and lonely, he was a dick. Now that he's surrounded by people that love him, he's a sweetheart."

Suigetsu burst out laughing. "That's perfect! It's totally Sasuke!"

"I hate you, Alice." Sasuke pouted.

Sasori smirked. "Very astute comparison, Alice."

"I'm not done yet." I smiled at him. "As for another, I would compare Orochimaru to the Dark Lord."

Kathryn smirked. "You would address him like that you Death Eater."

"What the fuck are you two talking about?" Hidan demanded.

"I thought you were sleeping Hidan, un." Deidara stated from somewhere above me.

Hidan lifted his head a bit. "I was, but Alice started fucking laughing and she woke me up." He frowned at me when I pet him. "What the hell are you doing, bitch?"

"I'm sorry I woke you up, Hidan." I apologized. He grunted at me, letting me know that he didn't care.

"So, why is Orochimaru this… Dark Lord?" Suigetsu wondered.

"He's only called the Dark Lord by his followers. His name is Voldemort." Kathryn smiled. "Don't call him the Dark Lord. It's too geeky for you, Suigetsu."

Sasori sighed. "This is the strange magic movie you two made us watch in your world isn't it?"

I nodded. "Yep."

"Continue." Sasori stated, waving.

I held up a hand, one finger up. "Both of them have a snake obsession and fetish."

"That's true, yeah." Deidara chuckled.

"Two," I held up a second finger. "Both of them look like snakes, are sickly pale, and have like pasty skin. Their eyes are slits and they just look creepy."

Sasori chuckled and Sasuke smirked.

"Three." I continued with a third finger. "They are the antagonists of their respective stories, and they both target little boys." Sasuke's smirk vanished and he glared while Suigetsu began laughing loudly along with Deidara and Hidan. Kathryn was giggling.

I put up another finger. "Four: They both betrayed their old mentor in order to pursue immortality because they're afraid of death." Another finger went up. "Both were orphans." A sixth finger rose. "Both were cute as little kids." Another finger joined the first six. "Both have a gang of followers who are just as weird as they are."

I smiled while Sasori just sighed at me, shaking his head with an amused smirk. Hidan was muffling his laughter with my stomach while Deidara used the mattress and Kathryn used her boyfriend. Suigetsu was snickering and patting a scowling Sasuke.

"There are a lot more similarities, but I'll be running out of fingers soon." I concluded. My gaze flicked to the door when it opened with an audible click. Itachi and Kisame walked in, raising their eyebrows in unison at the odd scene.

Itachi sighed and leaned against the doorframe. Kisame stood behind him, his confused expression breaking into a smirk when I made a face at him. "What are you all doing in my room?"

"Alice is in here." Hidan explained, looking up at the Uchiha who had stolen the attention of my fuzzy baby. Sable had abandoned Hidan in favor of greeting her daddy and Kisame.

"So you all felt it was necessary to pile on my bed and in my room?" Itachi asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yep, un." Deidara nodded. Kathryn nodded animatedly, clutching onto Deidara.

"I sleep there naked." Itachi stated. "So does Alice. This is also where we partake in explicit activities."

Kathryn and Deidara both shouted in shock and rocketed off the bed. Hidan made a face and got up, leaving me in the middle of the bed, laughing my ass off. Sasori chuckled and Kisame doubled over as he laughed. Sasuke and Suigetsu looked torn between being amused or terrified.

"Itachi." I laughed. "What the hell?"

Itachi hummed his amusement as he walked over to the mattress. He placed his knee on the bed and bent over me before kissing me gently. "I am the only man allowed in this bed and you are the only woman."

"Kisame sleeps here sometimes." I pointed out, wrapping my arms around his neck to keep him close. Sable jumped on the bed and crouched a few feet away from us on the mattress, waiting for one of us to wrestle with her.

"Kisame is my partner." Itachi nodded. "He is the sole exception."

"That's so gross Itachi!" Kathryn screamed from somewhere in the base.

I snickered. "He was joking!"

"It's still nasty, un!" Deidara called.

"It's probably fucking true anyways! They fuck like bunnies 95% of the time!" Hidan yelled.

"Hidan! You don't even know what percentage means!" I retorted.

He was silent and Kakuzu's laughter could be heard along with Sasori's chuckles.

"Fuck you Alice!" Hidan roared.

"Itachi's got it covered!" Kisame laughed.

Kathryn's laughter joined Kisame's.

"**You're all insane!**" Zetsu's voice joined the party.

"Speak for yourself Zetsu!" Sasori barked.

Zetsu did not approve. "I'll eat you!"

Kakuzu didn't approve either, obviously. "Are you aware how much money it would cost in order to fill his spot?" He paused. "But then, he wouldn't need to be paid… Go right ahead, Zetsu!"

Sasori glared. "Fuck you Kakuzu!"

"That'll be $89.50!" I sang. "Kakuzu's an expensive whore!"

Hidan cackled. "Good one bitch!"

"Thanks!" I replied.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT ANYMORE!" Kathryn whined.

"Stop yelling!" Pein shouted in an extremely annoyed voice. "I'm trying to work! All of you do something productive instead of causing mischief in my base!"

"Sorry Leader-sama!" We all called back.

* * *

_I need you to read these carefully because I'm not going to repeat myself, Kathryn._ I said, messaging Kathryn with her iPod. She had her phone and was sitting on the other side of the living room between Sasori and Deidara. I was between Kisame and Sasuke, on Itachi's lap.

_What's wrong Alice?_ She asked, looking over at me.

_Act like nothing is happening. Don't respond outside of these messages. Do nothing, no gasping, no widening your eyes. Don't even tell Deidara or Sasori._ I sent. I kissed Itachi's chin, leaning back into his arms. He closed his eyes and rested his head on mine, caressing my spine with one hand while his other rested in my lap.

_Okay, so what's going on?_ She wondered.

_I don't want you going near Madara. If he comes to you, that's different. Do your absolute best to stay with Deidara and Sasori. DO NOT BE ALONE at any time. It's dangerous. I told Pein and Konan about some touchy subjects and right now, Pein's deciding what to do._ I ordered through technology.

She passed off biting her lip in worry by nuzzling into Deidara and kissing him. He looked away from Hidan who he was talking to so he could kiss her head and smile at her before returning his attention back to the zealot. Sable was napping in Hidan's lap, curled up into a cute fuzzy little ball. He was petting her absently and whenever he stopped, she would give him a look that could melt worlds.

_What if he orders them away?_ She asked.

_Call me. I don't think you'll have to worry about it though. Itachi intends on discussing the situation with them privately when they go out to train later. Kisame and Sasuke already know so they'll be watching over us._ I explained.

Itachi's eyes flicked to me as he read over what I was writing. I looked at him and he nuzzled my face with his nose before kissing me. That was his way of showing me he approved of my methods.

_You want me to erase these?_ She replied.

_Immediately._ I confirmed.

I looked up when Zetsu fazed into the room. "Alice, Pein and Tobi want to see you. **Get going kid.**"

I sighed and got to my feet. "Got it Zetsu. Thanks buddy I'll head up there in a sec."

He nodded before disappearing from the room. I erased the messages I sent Kathryn before starting to get up. Itachi stopped me though.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, looking me over.

I blinked. "A bit tired actually. I think Sasori gave me too much of that serum."

Sasori glared at me from beside Kathryn. "If you start acting like an idiot, I'll put you to sleep."

"You already do, Sasori." I countered, waving at him dismissively and yawning.

Itachi chuckled and picked me up. "I'll escort you there. I don't want you overexerting yourself after being out of the infirmary for only two days."

I shrugged, accepting his typical actions. "Fair enough." I tossed Deidara Kathryn's iPod. "Give that to Kathryn, Dei."

He caught it easily. "Okay, un."

Kathryn shot me a concerned look before Itachi carried me from the room and through the base to Pein's office. Madara was there sitting edge of his desk talking quietly to him. Pein had his eyes closed, nodding quietly to what he was saying.

They both looked up as Itachi carried me into the room.

"How are you feeling, Alice?" Pein asked.

I shrugged. "I'm kind of out of it, in all honestly. I think it's the result of a little too many painkillers from Sasori on top of the shit wrong with me before."

"You may stay, Itachi. This isn't that private of a matter and you would find out eventually." Madara stated as Itachi set me in the seat across from Pein. "Take a seat."

Itachi dipped his head quietly and sat beside me, watching our Leaders carefully.

I'm kind of glad that I wasn't wearing bandages on my right eye right then.

As soon as we got settled in, Pein started twitching at me.

_This_ is exactly why we kept our code alive.

I half listened to Madara while still watching Pein. We both contributed to the conversation as is necessary, but we had our own silent one going on at the same time.

I'm so glad no one knows what we're saying.

"_I have reached a decision, Alice._" Pein told me, twitching away discreetly while watching Madara. Madara was discussing his next course of action to go after Killer Bee.

"What do you think, Alice?" He asked.

I went silent as I thought up a way to phrase it. "You send Kisame, but you also send a spore of white Zetsu after him. You stay at the summit, watching over Sasuke. I'm not too clear on what happens right now. I can't tell you for certain what happens until I review the show. My brain can't focus on anything right now. I apologize, Madara."

While I spoke this, I was silently talking to Pein. "_What did you decide, Pein?_"

"_I will not follow Madara into this war. I will inform the other members save Zetsu of this personally when the opportunities arise. Continue to stay away from Madara. I will do it swiftly so we can collect Sasuke before he makes himself an enemy of all of the nations. Konan is working on the arrangements right now._" He twitched.

"_Then we have to do it quickly Pein. Since Madara is so determined to follow the story line, he will send them out soon._" I subtly replied.

"Alice, are you listening?" Madara questioned with his Sharingan gazing at me.

"Yeah, I heard you. Black Zetsu stays with you for a time during the summit because you send his white half to lead Sasuke there and do a few other things for you." I stated. "Sorry, I was asking Pein where Konan was. I didn't want to interrupt you though."

"Good point. Where is Konan, Pein?" Madara wondered.

"She is watching over the village for me. It's a method of training for her." Pein explained smoothly. "She will be returning soon though."

"Ah." Madara stated. "Itachi, what do you think about your brother going after Danzo?"

"_What are we going to do from here, Pein?_" I wondered, looking away from Itachi and resting my head on his shoulder.

"_Within the week, all of the members will have been notified and I will confront Madara. They will have to decide where their loyalties lie. Once we have been split, we will meet with the allied forces and an agreement will be made from there. I will need your help, Alice._" He told me, his gaze on Madara.

"_I understand._" And with that, our conversation of random twitches ended. I sighed and closed my eyes, really feeling those painkillers.

Itachi looked at me. "Are you alright, Alice?"

"Just tired." I told him.

He kissed the top of my head before looking at Madara. "Give her time to recover a bit more, Madara. It's only been two days since she was released from the infirmary. Once she has regained some of her strength, she'll come to you willingly. You know how she likes to help."

I smiled slightly. "Don't talk about me like I'm not here." I looked at Madara. "But he is right. I just can't bring myself to concentrate on anything. It's hard to keep my eyes open."

Madara watched me quietly for a moment before nodding. "Come to me when you're feeling up to it Alice. But make it quick. I do not wish to be late for the summit."

"I know." I nodded.

Itachi stood. "I'm going to take her back to our room so she can sleep." He picked me up and I looked at Madara and Pein to say good bye. Pein drummed three of his fingers once and wiggled one of the chakra piercings in his lower lip with his tongue.

"_Three days._" He signaled.

In three days, the Akatsuki would split.

Three days until our little band of misfits would be torn.

* * *

_Le gasp!_

_Gotta love Pein and Alice's code:)_

**_Fun Fact:_**_ The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (You perverts stay out of Indonesia)_

Answer: _The weirdest gift I have ever received would probably have to be either the "Free Fuck Card" from Louis, a signed nude photograph from Louis, a dead worm from my friend Gabriel in Biology class, and a completely blank piece of paper from my friend Robbie which I still have to this day (It's framed btw, don't ask me why.) The best gift I've ever gotten was my puppy, Dolly. Weirdest gift given: Probably fuzzy bondage handcuffs to my friend Craig for Christmas with a porn magazine that I stole from Louis. It was complete with a card full of a list of sex positions, various pickup lines, and a proposition from myself for having some fun on the weekends. I promise you all it was a joke and he thought it was hilarious, as did everyone else who was involved in the secret Santa thing in our group of friend.  
That is, until Craig hurt himself playing with the handcuffs. He thought he was more flexible than he really is. Also, I hid in a box and gave myself to Brett for one of his birthdays. That was pretty strange._

**QotC: **_Alright, I've been begged to ask this question about fifty times: Which Naruto pairing is your favorite? It can be between any of the characters. Homo or Hetero, I don't care. (I hate this question so much)._

_I was talking with Sethy-Poo at lunch today, and we decided that my children would be the most disciplined and straight-edged kids ever. (I would like to point out that every time I see him, I call him a new nickname. Today he was Sugar Tits.:D) The reason behind our decision is because I hate kids, and I hate the way kids act, especially when they have no discipline. He thinks that living with me will be like boot camp. I cannot bring myself to tell him any different._

_I think you all should know that my niece is running around in the hallway, growling at everyone. She has bright orange hair and light blue eyes. She's probably the cutest baby I've ever seen._

_But, that's all for today. Have a nice weekend sweeties._

_Bye~_


	88. Chapter 88

_Yeah~ Decently important author's note below._

_Enjoy lovelies._

_I do not own Naruto._

* * *

"Alice, wake up." Itachi whispered, kissing my cheek as he tore me from my drug induced dream involving him, wet, pretty much nude, and seductive. "It's time."

Needless to say, I was pretty upset that he woke me up just as the towel around his waist fell. If he wasn't sexy when I opened my eyes, I'd kill him.

"No." I pouted. "Sexy Uchiha is stripping for me."

Silence ensued before a very confused, familiar voice I recognized as Little Brother Uchiha registered. "What the hell?"

Itachi sighed. "She does that a lot. Especially when she's taking a lot of painkillers."

I opened my eyes to see Itachi sitting beside me on the bed, fully decked out in all of his ninja equipment, looking utterly sexy. He was radiating readiness. Sasuke was there too, holding Sable as he leaned against the wall.

I suppose I could forgive him. Two sexy Uchiha for the price of not seeing one naked was a fair trade.

I am so glad no one can hear my thoughts…

I sat up and Itachi handed me a piece of paper. I could distinctly feel Konan's presence through the paper as I took it. It unfolded itself in my hand so I could read it.

_**The time has arrived. Go with Itachi, Sasuke, and Kisame to the meeting place. Itachi knows where to go. Be sure to never leave his side, Alice. It's important. Please be safe sweetie. With Love, Konan**_

I looked at Itachi and nodded. "When do we leave?"

"The second you're ready to go." He whispered. His eyes flashed to the door connecting his room to Kisame's when it opened. Kisame walked in with Samehada on his back. He smiled at me, giving me his big reassuring grin.

"Give me three minutes." I whispered. In that time I changed, used the potty and brushed my teeth. I double task and move quickly when I need to. Once those three minutes were up, I met Itachi by the door to our bedroom.

Sasuke handed me Sable and patted my head. I frowned at him but he just threw me a smirk so I rolled my eyes. Kisame picked me up and cradled me closely as Itachi opened the door to the bedroom. We shot through the halls and out of the base in seconds, heading for the meeting place only Itachi knew.

For safety reasons, only one member of each team was allowed to know where the meeting place was. Kakuzu knew and Sasori knew. Karin was traveling with the Zombie pair while Jūgo went with Kathryn, Sasori, and Deidara. Suigetsu was already with Pein and Konan.

We arrived to the meeting place, which was on a huge plateau. Konan, Pein, and Suigetsu were the only people there. Pein was looking out over the land beneath us, his rain helping him keep surveillance over the area.

"Sasori has arrived." Pein said quietly to us, glancing back at us.

As if he cued them, Sasori and Jūgo jumped onto the natural platform with us. Deidara and Kathryn joined them an instant later. She was in Deidara's arms, looking around curiously.

Kisame set me down and Itachi instantly brought me to his side. He curled his arm around me and kept a death grip on my shirt. Kisame stood behind me while Sasuke stood beside me on my other side. Pein, Konan, and Suigetsu stood in front of me, making a wall.

Kathryn soon joined that formation. Sasuke moved to allow Kathryn to stand beside me. Deidara held her and Sasori joined Kisame and Jūgo behind us. Sasuke stood beside Itachi, looking around with his Sharingan ablaze.

"Pein, when is Madara supposed to get here?" I asked. Sable licked my chin, sitting patiently in my arms.

He glanced back at me. "Soon. Kakuzu and Hidan have arrived with the girl."

Kakuzu and Hidan ran up from behind us with Karin inches behind them.

"So, this is where we're fucking doing this?" Hidan asked, walking forward to stand beside Deidara. Karin went forward to stand next to Suigetsu while Kakuzu stood behind us.

"Indeed." Pein nodded. "He's coming."

The land before us swirled as Madara appeared in front of us. Zetsu phased through the ground a few feet in front of Konan, looking between both parties curiously.

"Well, well Nagato, what is this?" Madara wondered, looking over our massive block of powerful people, two teenage girls, and a wolf puppy.

Pein frowned at him. "I do not agree with your course of action or your plans, Madara. And unless you agree to stop this, I am prepared to split Akatsuki and stop you. I will not help you in a fourth Shinobi war so you can cast a Genjutsu over the world."

Madara chuckled. "So I guess Alice has been milking her condition to avoid me." He looked at me, his Sharingan staring into my eyes. "I should have known."

"Hey man, I like you Madara, but you're just using everyone for your own needs." I stated. "If you got over that Uchiha superiority complex of yours, than we might not be in this situation." I frowned. "I don't approve of putting the whole world under a Genjutsu, especially when that Genjutsu won't work on me."

He blinked. "You know of my plan then?"

"I have for a very long time." I shrugged. "I also know that, had Pein actually died in the invasion of Konoha, you planned on forcing Sasuke to sync up with the demonic statue in his place. You've been using everyone just so you can turn around and punch them in the face saying 'ha ha, I used you. Now eat my Genjutsu on the moon.'"

"So what are you going to do?" Madara asked.

Pein frowned. "We'll stop you. Whether it's here or later depends on you."

Madara clicked his tongue in disapproval. "I'm not exactly in the mood to fight at the moment. But, in time, yes we will fight. And I will make you regret your decision to oppose me. And our two new additions to this world will be forced into submission since Genjutsu does not work on them."

Itachi's eyes narrowed and he tightened his grip on me. Deidara did the same with Kathryn and she subconsciously grabbed my free hand and squeezed it. I returned the gesture.

"Then we will go our separate ways, Madara." Pein stated. "It is time for the rest of the Akatsuki to decide who they will follow." He looked back at the rest of us. "Remain where you are if you wish to follow my command. If not, go to Madara."

None of them moved except for Zetsu who stood by Madara's side. A few of them coughed awkwardly, not liking the attention.

I snickered. "Well this is awkward."

"Shut up Alice." Sasori sighed.

Madara chuckled. "Well, Pein, I believe that is your answer. It shames me to see how far Akatsuki has fallen. You're all weak. And you will soon regret your mistakes after I've destroyed everything you hold dear."

"Scary." I whispered sarcastically.

"Alice." Kathryn hissed.

"Let's go, Zetsu." Madara said coldly.

"Bye Zetsu." I said kindly. He paused and looked at me before smirking a bit a waving.

A second later the world swirled around Madara as he disappeared into his space-time jutsu while Zetsu disappeared into the earth. Once they were gone, I looked at Pein. "He'll be heading to the summit to chat it up with the Kage."

Pein dipped his head. "For now, we will go elsewhere. Konan has already arranged everything so my village will be fine without a leader for a time. A plan of action will be discussed and decided upon. From there we will progress."

"A plan of action?" Kakuzu asked.

"We will discuss what we are going to do." Pein said, looking at Kakuzu. "If any of you have issues with possibly allying with your old villages, it would be best if you accompanied Madara."

Kisame frowned. "Well sure it'll be annoying, but I don't want to be living a lie in a damn Genjutsu for the rest of my life. So I'll do what I need to so that doesn't happen."

"I second Kisame, un." Deidara stated. "Not to mention, I going to turn Tobi into art for making my life a living hell by being that annoying little pest! Revenge will be mine because he has the filthy Sharingan too un!" Itachi and Sasuke both rolled their eyes.

Sasori dipped his head. "I also agree."

Hidan shrugged. "As long as I get to fucking fight, I don't give a damn what we do."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "Hopefully this doesn't cost too much money."

"I love how in the seriousness of this situation, Kakuzu never disappoints." I grinned. "I love you, you greedy miser." He chuckled and patted my head.

Sasuke sighed. "This is going to be annoying. But, I will not be used by anyone."

"Way to be Sasuke." I smiled. "Now, let's get out of this damned rain. My puppy is getting cold." I looked at Pein. "Where are we going?"

"I know somewhere." Itachi suggested. "However, it will bring back some… interesting memories. And it's also quite possible that Madara will expect us to go there."

Kisame grinned. "Hell no. I'm not going back there ever again."

"Where?" Kathryn and Suigetsu asked.

"The potential base we were in before we met you." Sasori shuddered, looking at Kathryn. "I refuse to go there." Kathryn and I both laughed and exchanged a high five.

"We could go to the abandoned Uchiha stronghold." Sasuke offered.

Konan shrugged. "It doesn't really matter where we go, as long as we give it the proper protection to keep enemies out."

I looked at Pein. "What about _you_ Pein?"

"My true body has been moved to a secure location with all of the protection I can give it." He assured me. "You need not worry about that."

"For now, let's go to the stronghold, un." Deidara said with a shrug. "At least we get out of the rain, un."

"Good point." Jūgo commended.

Itachi scooped me and Sable up as Deidara picked up Kathryn. The Akatsuki, Taka, and us no chakra kids exchanged a few words before we flew towards the stronghold in a huge group of powerful ninja plus two teenage girls.

* * *

"So…" I began, looking over all of the occupants of the room. "Now that we've all agreed, we need to decide when we are going to do this."

"Why not just fucking go now and get it over with? We'll either fucking be turned down and attacked, or those fuckers will accept us." Hidan stated.

I blinked, staring at Hidan. "You know, I have to agree with him." I looked at Pein. "I see no reason to wait at this point, Pein."

"It has been confirmed that Madara has started the Fourth Shinobi War. And Danzo has been killed." Pein stated, stroking Sable's head as she lay in front of him on the table we were all positioned around. "I would rather not just rush into it, but I don't necessarily see a reason to wait either."

Kathryn cocked her head to the side. "Last one there is a rotten egg?"

Sasori smacked his forehead. "You're an idiot."

"Don't be mean, Danna." Kathryn scolded. "It isn't nice."

"Yes, that's typically what being mean implies, moron." I sighed, shaking my head.

She glared. "Shut up you."

I rolled my eyes. "But seriously though, how about we head for Kumo?"

"Now?" Kakuzu wondered.

I shrugged. "Why the hell not? We're well rested, I just made you guys a fucking huge lunch, and we have absolutely nothing better to do."

"I say we go." Kisame sighed.

"I agree." Jūgo said quietly.

Pein stood. "Very well. We head for Kumo."

"If my knowledge is correct, which it usually is, that's where the Kage are assembling if they aren't already all there. Hopefully it doesn't seem like we're attacking." I stated. "Maybe we'll run into Gaara first." He liked me if I remember correctly.

Kisame picked me up, appearing behind me in a second. "Well what are we waiting for? Let's go."

The Akatsuki and Taka moved with incredible speed to gather all of their things and meet at the entrance of the stronghold. Itachi was holding Sable while Kisame carried me. Deidara carried Kathryn as usual and from there, we all left the Uchiha stronghold for our target location.

* * *

_Shit's about to go down..._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ Women wishing to enter Canada to work as strippers must provide naked photos of themselves to qualify for a visa._

Answer: _I have no preference for pairings. Though, I must say I do enjoy KisaIta, KakuHida, SasoDei, MadaIta, PeinIta, and SasuNaru very much. (I'm fond of yaoi. Leave me alone. Hetero relationships are pretty lame because most of the girls in the show are stupid. I exclude Konan, Tenten, Hinata and Temari.) The reasoning behind my hatred of this question is because it really doesn't matter to me who ends up with who or why. Also, most of the time, a preference of a couple brings about excessive bitching from a shitload of people and I don't want to deal with it or I'll get angry and basically beat the shit out of whoever starts the drama with words. XD_

**QotC: **_Do you celebrate Halloween? If you do, what are you going to dress up as if you are?_

_Alright. Author's note begins now._

_So, I know before I told you all that the chapters might slow due to Tobi not being Madara and Madara being an incredibly sexy and overpowered badass. However, that isn't the case any longer. I have adjusted my plans and the chapters will follow it permanently regardless of what Kishimoto throws at me. Don't like it? Don't read it. Also, I will have you know that I am pretty much done writing this bitch. I'm still editing the chapters, but that only takes me like ten minutes. However, I might throw in like a filler chapter or a chunk more of description to the chapters if I get an idea and I think it would fit nicely somewhere. So, output will not slow so you lovelies won't have to worry about that._

_However, because of the fact that I am pretty much done writing this asshole of a story, I'll be able to work on the oneshots I owe people. Which is about... 5 of them I think. I'm not sure anymore. But, yeah. I'll be getting those done. I have a Halloween special oneshot typed up for you lovelies that I still need to edit and whatnot. Once all of those are out, I'll probably just enjoy the freedom of not having anything pressing to do._

_But, today is a day for celebration because this story is pretty much over for me as far as typing it up goes. That doesn't mean I won't come back to Alice and Kathryn with like a oneshot or something or a later work just for funzies about their antics with the Akatsuki or whatever. But, as of this moment, I'm basically free to do whatever the hell I want. Because I do what I want. You don't tell me._

_I'm fairly certain there was something else I wanted to say... But, I don't remember. So... yeah..._

_I heart you guys and I will talk with you Friday unless I consistently message you or email you or something like I do half of you guys anyways._

_Bye~_


	89. Chapter 89

_Byah!_

_Enjoy my sweets._

_I do not own Naruto._

* * *

"I feel a familiar chakra close by." Sasori stated as we ran over the hills and through the wood to Grandma's Tsunade's house. "It's the Kazekage brat."

Kathryn had been singing that for the last half an hour until Sasori ordered she be gagged. Deidara just covered her mouth with his hand.

That only resulted in muffled squealing.

"Yes! I was hoping we'd run into Gaara first." I smirked. "Where is he, Sasori?"

Sasori was quiet for a moment as he located the exact position of Gaara's chakra. "We'll be coming up on him in a minute. He's traveling with a few people. Seems like they're heading in the same direction we are."

"They must be just heading there or something." I said thoughtfully. "Pein?"

Pein nodded in understanding, shooting me a glance before looking briefly at each of his subordinates. "Adjust course to the Kazekage. Alice wishes to speak to him first. I will not accept hostility or stupidity in the presence of our potential allies. If any of you cause trouble, I will see to your deaths."

"Yes sir." The rest of the Akatsuki muttered. Hidan shivered a bit considering Pein had sent him a chilling glare over his shoulder during his warning.

We traveled for a time more before I saw Gaara and his escort or whatever in the distance. I pointed and Itachi, who was carrying me and Sable now, ran at him.

"Gaara!" I called, waving my free hand at him.

Gaara slowed and looked in our direction. "Alice?" He called his posse to a halt and cocked his head to the side as Itachi leapt towards him and landed a few feet from him. Itachi set me down and I grinned at the Kazekage whil my weasel took a defensive and possessive position behind me with my hand securely in his.

"Hey Gaara." I smiled, setting Sable down so she could walk around for a little bit. She stood by my side and watched Gaara closely. "How are you?"

He raised his tattoo at me. "What are you doing here, Alice?" He looked over my idiots and narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"Long story short, I brought some of my friends to help you guys beat Madara." I stated. "You guys could use my info on this war. I know how it all plays out."

"Hey, it's that shadow bitch!" Hidan barked, pointing at Shikamaru. Said deer enthusiast glared at the sight of Hidan and his address.

I looked over my shoulder at him. "Down Hidan. Bad kitty."

He glared. "Fuck you Alice."

"Yeah whatever. You're nothing but talk." I threw at him. He started swearing angrily, his loud death threats lowering substantially in volume when Itachi sent him a chilling glare.

I rolled my eyes and looked back at the people with Gaara. Shikamaru, Kankuro, Temari, and Baki were with him, watching all of us suspiciously with a hint of curiosity. "Excuse him Shikamaru. He won't do anything to you. He's just pissy because I didn't make him breakfast today. Hidan's actually pretty harmless especially since Pein and I threatened to castrate him if he was mean to anyone."

"Alice, why are you here?" Shikamaru asked, a slightly amused smirk playing on his face.

"I already said." I stated with a sigh. "We're here to help. Madara is a manipulative ass, and I don't want a bunch of you to die, so I'm going to help you out. My friends," I gestured back at the Akatsuki, "are willing to help."

Pein stepped forward when the Suna nin and Shikamaru looked quite taken aback. "I am the leader of the Akatsuki now that we have separated ourselves from Madara. I ask to speak to the Raikage, the current leader of the Allied Shinobi Forces."

Gaara's eyes narrowed and I saw his hands twitch with anticipation. "How do you know that?"

I waved my hand. "Hi."

He blinked as he realized that I wasn't there for no reason. "Of course." He looked down when sniffing and tugging caught his attention in the next second. Sable had walked over to him and was sniffing him curiously. She pawed his leg, trying to get his attention.

"She likes you." I smiled. Sable sat on the ground and looked up at him, wagging her tail and looking all adorable and cuddly.

Gaara bent slightly to pet her. She licked his hand happily before running back behind Itachi's legs, watching the strangers.

"Well, if you guys are going to use my help, now would be a good time to say you will. I have very valuable information on this war that will be extremely useful." I stated. "Let me talk to Tsunade and/or Kakashi. Hell, Shikamaru knows the extent of my knowledge."

Gaara blinked. "Contact headquarters. Inform them of this." He looked over his shoulder. "Make it quick."

I smiled. "Congrats on getting Commander, Gaara. That's a big step. And that speech you're going to give to the forces before you move out, very nice."

Temari raised her eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

Kathryn squealed, pushing Deidara's hand off of her mouth. "TEMARI!"

I smacked my forehead. Temari looked utterly shocked at being addressed as such. "Kathryn, shut up. You can't act like that."

"But she's so pretty!" Kathryn excused. "And she's like my absolute favorite female other than Konan!" She started bouncing. "Can I go say hi? Can I Danna? Please?" She grabbed Sasori's shoulder and tugged on his cloak pleadingly.

Sasori just sighed and shook his head in exasperation.

I rolled my eyes at Kathryn's antics. "Gaara, do you mind if Kathryn meets your sister?"

He shook his head, a hint of uncertainty and amusement on his face. "No."

"Yes!" Kathryn cheered. She bolted from Deidara and zipped over to Temari. "Hi Temari! I'm Kathryn! Gosh you're so pretty. You're like the most badass Kunoichi out there other than Konan!" Konan giggled.

"Does she breathe?" Kankuro wondered as Temari awkwardly started talking to Kathryn. Shikamaru looked thoroughly amused by Temari's situation and was watching her with a teasing expression on his face.

"No." Sasori deadpanned.

I shook my head. "I ask myself that all the time."

Kathryn looked around at us. "Shut up! I happen to like Temari!" Temari just blinked and looked between us in confusion.

"So do I, but you don't see me attacking her." I stated.

"Well you pretty much tackled Gaara the first time you saw him, un." Deidara stated, raising a blond eyebrow at me. "And you about raped him…"

"Shut up, Deidara. I did not rape him. I just had a fangasm over him. It was cuteness overload. If you remember correctly, I do the same thing over Sable about twice a day." I growled. He just snickered in response.

"More like seven times a day." Kakuzu grunted. He chuckled when I ripped my shoe off and threw it at him.

"And you don't just do it to her. You do the same thing to Itachi just as often." Suigetsu reminded me. I glared at him only to smile when Itachi kissed my head with an almost silent chuckle.

"You've been doing it to me and Kisame recently too." Sasuke added. He smirked when I pointed at him threateningly.

Kankuro, looking amused, glanced at Baki. "Anything from HQ yet?"

"We got word from HQ. Tsunade-sama wishes to meet with Alice and the Leader of the Akatsuki before they make their decision." Baki said with a nod.

I shrugged and looked at Pein, putting my shoe back on when Kisame offered it to me. He had faithfully retrieved it for me because he's a sweetheart. "Sound good?"

Pein dipped his head calmly. "That is acceptable. Where do they wish to meet?"

* * *

"Alright, since we're going to talk to really powerful and important people, you guys need to be on your best behavior." I instructed. "Please don't act hostile. And Hidan, just keep your mouth shut."

He scoffed. "Get off my dick, Alice."

I shuddered. "I did not need that mental image." I shook my head. "Nasty images. Ew. Delete! Think of something better! Itachi… ah, that's much better."

When I opened my eyes, all of them were staring at me. Said weasel rolled his eyes with the hint of a smirk playing on his lips. I raised my eyebrow at their reactions. "Are you guys honestly surprised by that?"

Kakuzu shook his head. "Not really."

"Exactly. Now focus." I smiled, clinging to Itachi. He just chuckled and hugged me back.

I looked around, noticing the four sand Shinobi and Shikamaru were also giving me confused looks. I just laughed. "Don't ask guys. For your own sanity."

Sasori scoffed. "She isn't kidding."

"Shut up Sasori, you jerk." I snapped. I looked around at our Leader, my demeanor changing in an instant. "Ready Pein?"

He dipped his pierced face calmly. "Indeed."

"Right-o. I guess it's time to make our presence known." I stated. "Itachi?"

"Already on it." He stated, releasing the Genjutsu that cloaked us. All of the Akatsuki then stopped cloaking their chakra at Pein's request.

Kisame elbowed me gently from his place on my left. "They're coming. I can sense their chakra." He stood beside me while Itachi stood behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist. Pein stood to my right with Konan.

I nodded and knelt to scratch Sable behind her ears. She thumped her tail contently from between my feet. I stayed like that until I noticed half of the Akatsuki tense. Looking up, I saw the Kage walking over to us, having stopped running about ten yards away.

I straightened up and gave them a small wave. "Yo." I looked back at the Akatsuki. "Relax guys. It'll be okay."

"You're talking to ninja, Alice." Sasori stated. "We don't relax easily."

Kathryn squeezed his hand and smiled at him. "It's okay Danna." He just blinked and squeezed her hand back gently.

"Alice." Tsunade stated, throwing a glare at Pein. "It's good to see you've arrived safely Gaara. Good work Shikamaru." He bowed while Gaara dipped his head.

"Ah Tsunade, don't glare. If you would have listened to me, none of that would have happened. You have no one to blame but yourself." I stated. "Now, let's put the past behind us, and this will go smoothly."

The _huge_ Raikage stared at me. "Who are you?"

He was a fucking monster.

And I don't mean like a scary monster.

I mean HUGE!

"She is the young girl I told you about, Raikage-sama." Tsunade stated. Ōnoki, the third Tsuchikage was with them too. "She knows the future of our world."

"My name is Alice. It's nice to meet you." I smiled. "So, I'm sure you know our Leader, Pein." I gestured to said ginger.

"We have met." Pein stated calmly. "However, the circumstances were less than desirable. I do not come with my subordinates with hostility and violent intentions towards you. Instead, I come seeking to help. I know Madara and what he is capable of. And because of that, I can help you. All of my subordinates can. Not to mention, Alice and Kathryn are more than happy to assist you in your cause."

Tsunade frowned. "How do we know you're not lying?"

I raised my eyebrow. "That would be a waste of time. Tsunade, even though you tortured me, I still care for all of you guys. I don't even care that you tortured me. Hell, do it again. I still want to help, because I don't agree with what Madara is planning."

"None of us do." Konan stated. "None of us wish to be controlled by some Genjutsu for the rest of our lives. We would be living a lie. It would be like being enslaved. And I'm certain no one would appreciate that."

"You got that right, bitch." Hidan agreed.

"If you guys do not accept our help, we will be leaving. We have other places to go and we don't have to help you. You will lose without my help I can tell you that now." I threw a thumb over my shoulder. "Plus, I brought Sasuke." I smiled. "Naruto will be thrilled."

Tsunade looked back at Sasuke and raised her eyebrow. "You do know that the Raikage wants to kill him right?"

"Well, I have news for the Raikage." I smiled, looking at said giant black man. "Sasuke didn't capture Bee on purpose. I knew about the fight beforehand, and I told him to let Bee go. He did willingly because Sasuke lacks hatred."

"Shut up Alice." Sasuke stated. I snickered.

The Raikage narrowed his eyes. "You _let_ Bee escape?"

"I knew he hid himself inside the tentacle I cut off during our battle." Sasuke nodded. "Alice asked me to let him go and I complied."

Pein looked at me and I winked at him. He just rolled his eyes.

Yeah, I told Sasuke all about the fight. I told him just to leave Bee. He said he would because he had nothing against him.

"So?" I wondered. "How about it, Tsunade? If you can't bring yourself to trust us, I give you permission to kick Hidan's ass as much as you want if any of us do something you think is suspicious."

"Hey!" Hidan barked.

Pein glared at him. "I will make sure Alice's word is carried out. Hidan, shut up."

Hidan fell silent, crossing his arms and cursing Pein to hell and back.

"I say we use them." Ōnoki stated. "We could use their abilities and the girls' knowledge of our world. We can't lose. Not to mention, if they do prove to be untrustworthy, we can overpower them."

I pointed at him. "You are a good person." He chuckled.

Deidara rolled his eyes. "Don't boost his ego Alice, un."

"Be quiet brat." Sasori and Ōnoki said in unison. Deidara glared.

"Finally someone says something in unison with Sasori that isn't me!" I cheered. Itachi chuckled and shook his head at my antics.

Tsunade sighed. "I agree with Ōnoki. You are welcomed to the army. However, if I suspect you'll betray us, I'll kill you."

"Sounds fair." I shrugged. "What do you think guys?"

"Let's just fucking fight." Hidan smirked.

Deidara grinned. "Perfect opportunity to display my art, un.

"That isn't art, brat." Sasori countered. "Art is eternal."

Kisame shrugged. "I just want to get something to eat."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "Sure."

"I agree." Itachi stated calmly. Sasuke said the same.

Jūgo, Suigetsu, and Karin voiced their agreement as well.

"I think that means we're all for it." Kathryn smiled. "Let's go kick some Uchiha butt!"

I smacked my forehead. "We have two Uchiha with us right now."

She paused. "Correction: Let's go kick some _old geezer_ Uchiha butt!"

I laughed. "That's better." I looked towards Tsunade who was smiling at Kathryn. "What do you want us to do?"

"Alice, you and Kathryn will come with us to HQ. We'll use your information there." Tsunade stated.

"If I may, Hokage." Pein stated. "We are rather protective of the girls. If it is acceptable, two of our members will accompany them. Konan and I would be willing."

I smiled. "Personally, I think we'll be fine, but I think that's the best you're going to get, Tsunade. You have to pick between either two of them, all of them, or none of us."

"It is acceptable." She nodded. "We could use your input as well, Pein."

"I am able to communicate with the Akatsuki through our rings." He held up his hand to show her his ring. After splitting with Madara, Pein cut the connection with Madara's ring and Zetsu's so they wouldn't be able to sense the other members or hear their conversations. "It will be simple to relay orders to them."

"You know, you should probably let me chat with the division leaders too. Or at least some of them. I have information that would be best told personally." I stated. "Kathryn and Konan can accompany you now. She knows almost as much as I do. But I think it would be best to have one of us closer to the action." Itachi opened his mouth to protest but I put my finger to his lips. "I said_ closer_, not _in_. Don't be protective."

He sighed.

"As much as I don't like it, she does have a point." Kisame stated. "And Alice is more combat savvy than Kathryn is. Not to mention, Kathryn is a pacifist."

"Heathen." Hidan growled.

"Shut up you grandpa stripper! Go put some clothes on." She snapped. "You're just a Shiny kitten!" Hidan glared at her while a few of the others chuckled.

I smacked my forehead. "Shut up."

"Alice will stay with one of our members throughout the entire battle." Pein stated. "She'll be able to relay information to specific groups that need it the most. As for now, which divisions do you suggest they go to?"

I turned around and looked over my peoples. "Itachi and Kisame should join Kakashi in the second division. They're short-to-midrange. Deidara and Sasori should join Gaara in the Fourth, long range division. Hidan and Kakuzu should just get their own battlefield. They're good at all ranges and their abilities are endless. So, I'm going with the fifth division under Mifune. Perhaps even the long-range."

All of the people who didn't already know me, blinked.

"That's really weird and impressive." Ōnoki stated.

I smiled. "Thank you."

Pein patted my head. "That was a nice assessment, Alice."

"As for Sasuke, Jūgo, Karin, and Suigetsu, put them wherever you need them. Karin's an extremely good healer and sensory ninja. Perhaps put her under Ao or Shizune." I continued. "Sasuke would be good with Kakashi. As would Jūgo and Suigetsu really."

"What about you, Pein?" Tsunade wondered.

"I can go wherever you need me." Pein stated. "However, I should probably stay with Hidan and Kakuzu to babysit Hidan." Hidan started swearing as me and the others laughed.

I looked at Tsunade once I was finished laughing. "Have you sent anyone out yet?"

"Not yet. We have just finished assembling the forces." Tsunade explained.

I nodded. "You have a little bit then." I raised my eyebrow. "How is communication between groups going to work out?"

"We transport messages through HQ." The Raikage explained.

"Kathryn? Sasori?" I began.

Kathryn cocked her head to the side. "Yeah?"

"If we could find you what you needed, could you make phones or something close to it?" I asked.

She nodded. "If you give me radios, I can expand their range." She looked at Sasori. "I might need Danna's help though."

I smiled. "Good girl." I jerked my thumb towards Kathryn. "Kathryn is extremely good with electronics and technology. She'll be able to increase communication among the divisions."

Gaara looked at us. "For now, we should return to HQ. We will separate you where you will be most effective when we get there. We still need to send out the troops too."

"I look forward to this." I smirked. "So, do we go?"

"Yes." Raikage nodded. What kind of a name is A anyways?

So, in my laziness, I shall call him Black Kage.

Itachi picked me up, making sure Kisame had Sable, and took off after Pein. The Akatsuki followed the Kage as they led the way back to HQ.

Soon, this Fourth Shinobi War would begin.

* * *

_For some reason, I really hate this chapter._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ It takes five minutes to execute someone in a gas chamber._

Answer: _I do dress up for Halloween, but I don't go around getting candy considering I hate it. I mostly just run around scaring the shit out of people. :) I was going to be a Zebra this year, but I didn't feel like putting on the costume so I was just a Zombie Hobo. I slouched around school and laid down in random places covered in flake blood._

**QotC: **_What is the stupidest thing you've ever done?_

_So my school does this thing that seniors get to make their own versions of the Frankenstein Monster as a project for our English classes. You do them in groups and they have to match the description in the book by Mary Shelley. My group consisted of Kathryn, my friend Scott, Sam, Courtney, and Kasey. We made our Frankenstein monster look like he was being constructed. He was placed on a metal table, strapped down, and he was covered in fake blood and headless. It was exciting. We won too:)_

_Kathryn dressed up as Facebook... She had her profile page on a poster with the profile picture cut out so her face could go there. She won first place in the costume contest for groups with Sam and Courtney. For Halloween, I think she's being a fox and her boyfriend is being Noah. He has an epic beard._

_Well that's all for today dearies. I hope you have an amazing weekend and for those of you participating in Halloween, I hope you have an abundance of fun and get lots of candy. I'm house sitting for one of my aunts and my friend Brandon and Sethy-Poo are coming over to hang out with me:D_

_Toodles._


	90. Chapter 90

_So hopefully this is the only story I ever have with 90 chapters._

_Because this is just redonk._

_How many of you are tired of this yet?_

_:) For those of you that aren't, please enjoy if you can._

* * *

"Alright, first things first…" I began slipping away from Itachi the moment we reached the area just outside HQ. Everyone watched me as I walked over to Hidan, grabbed his hand and dragged him over to Shikamaru. I set Hidan directly in front of the brunette and smiled. "Hidan, apologize to Shikamaru."

Hidan glared at me. "For what?"

"You killed his sensei. He deserves an apology since you two will be working together." I explained. "Now say you're sorry and mean it or I'll kick your ass."

"I'm not fucking apologizing for sacrificing for Jashin-sama! How fucking dare you!" Hidan yelled, throwing his hands in the air.

I sighed. "You have three seconds."

"Fuck you and your three seconds, bitch!" He barked.

"One." I started.

He glared at me.

"Two." I continued.

Hidan crossed his arms stubbornly.

I sighed. "Three." As soon as the number three left my lips, I drove the toe of my thick-ass boots straight into his balls. Hidan yelped in pain and dropped to the ground, rolling around and clutching his manly pride.

"Ouch." All of the guys said in unison. Deidara and Kankuro even clutched themselves, thinking about the pain.

"That was uncalled for Alice." Kathryn giggled.

Kakuzu obviously disagreed. "That was a nice kick Alice. Next time, wear spiked boots." Sasori joined me in chuckling at the thought.

"You should have just said sorry to him and then you wouldn't be in pain." I shrugged, looking down at him. "Now, since you know I mean business, say sorry or I'll make sure you never reproduce."

Hidan looked up at me from the ground. "I fucking hate you."

"Who doesn't?" I deadpanned. "I'm serious Hidan. Just say sorry."

"Fine." He coughed. "I'm fucking sorry."

I shook my head. "No. You have to mean it. No obscenities."

He growled. "Don't fucking push it."

"Don't test me then." I snapped, allowing my foot to lift off the ground threateningly.

"I'll kill you." He snarled.

I threw my thumb over my shoulder in the direction of Kisame and Itachi. "I'd love to see you try." Kisame and Itachi both smirked a bit.

Hidan growled under his breath and started lifting himself off the ground. He threw Shikamaru a glare. "I'm sorry."

I patted Hidan's head before hugging him as he got to his feet. "Good boy, Hidan. I'm sorry for kicking you. I love you."

He grumbled under his breath as he fell back to stand by his partner. I smiled after him before looking at Shikamaru. "Now that that's taken care of, we can move on."

"Remind me not to make her angry." Kankuro whispered to Temari and Gaara. Tsunade and the other Kage were watching the affair with amusement.

Pein patted my head and stepped forward, pushing me behind him and back to Itachi. "Thank you, Alice for that… interesting display of force. If you don't mind we'll get back to the serious business."

"Sure sure." I said dismissively.

At that moment, the doors to HQ opened, permitting us entrance.

I walked inside Black Kage's office and looked around. "This place is pretty intense." I smiled as my eyes located a certain scarred man with a ponytail. "Hey Shikaku. It's nice to see you again." I set down Sable who instantly ran back to stand between Itachi and Hidan.

They were her boys.

"Hello Alice." He chuckled. "You're looking well."

I shrugged. "When don't I?"

"Every second of the day." Sasori stated, elbowing me.

I punched him. "No one asked you Woody."

"Alice, don't be mean to Danna!" Kathryn protested.

"Hey, he started it!" I snapped.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "You're all idiots."

"Shut up Kakuzu. You love it." I grinned. I pouted when he palmed my face. He chuckled at my reaction and made up for being mean by patting my head.

Konan rolled her eyes. "You guys attract so much attention."

"That's because we're around someone as pretty as you, Konan." I winked.

She giggled. "Oh stop it you dork."

I skipped over to Mifune, the Samurai dude and smiled at him. "Hi Mifune! I'm Alice. I've always wanted to meet you. Samurai are badass."

He smiled at me. "It is a pleasure, Alice."

"I like him." I stated, throwing a thumb in his direction as I walked back over to Itachi.

Itachi kissed the top of my head. "Alice."

"So, who's all staying in here, un?" Deidara asked, looking around before his eyes landed on our Leader. "It doesn't look like there's enough room for all of our nonsense, yeah."

"I guess one member of each team will be enough, Pein." I stated. "I'm good with all of them being here, but it could get a little hectic. I've seen the Akatsuki meetings."

Pein nodded. "Kakuzu, Sasori, Itachi, Konan, and I will attend the meeting along with you and Kathryn, of course."

"Sounds good." I agreed. "Sasuke should probably stay too. That way Hebi/Taka will know what's going on."

"The rest of you, go and wait outside." Pein stated. He pointed at Hidan. "Kisame, make sure he behaves. Hidan, if you act like an idiot, I will personally see to your death."

Hidan sighed dejectedly. "Yes sir."

I smiled. "It's alright Hidan. Just go and pray to Jashin-sama for a little while." I picked up Sable. "You can take Sable with you if you want."

He patted my head. "Yeah, whatever bitch. Let's go fuckers."

"I'll take her outside with me, Alice." Kisame proposed. He took my puppy from me after giving me a shark hug and walked towards the door.

Shark hugs are like bear hugs. Only fifteen times better.

Deidara kissed Kathryn's cheek before walking outside with Hidan, Jūgo, Karin, Suigetsu, and Kisame. Itachi, Kakuzu, Sasori, Sasuke, Pein, and Konan stayed in here with Kathryn and I. Once the Kage and other important people were positioned around the table, we joined them.

"Alright Alice." Tsunade began, gesturing to a seat. "Tell us everything."

I smirked and cracked my knuckles. "Alrighty. Let's get down to business." I sat down in the chair between Konan and Itachi. "So, Naruto and Bee are already on the turtle island right?"

"Correct." Ōnoki nodded.

"Yamato is with them along with a few other trusted ninjas." I continued. "Madara, by this time, will have met up with Kabuto and he will be massing his armies right now as we speak. And let me tell you, his armies should _not_ be taken lightly. They will be extremely difficult to take down because they are essentially immortal."

"What?" Black Kage demanded.

I looked at him. "Kabuto uses Impure World Resurrection. He summons a shit load of people from the dead. He summons the former hosts of the tailed beasts, some of the previous Kages, the previous generation of the Seven Swordsmen. He brings up Haku, Old Lady Chiyo, Kimmimaru, Hanzo, Asuma, Neji's dad." I paused and bit my lip, looking at Tsunade. "He summons Dan too."

Tsunade's eyes widened slightly but she gestured for me to continue.

"You said former Kage…" Gaara began.

I nodded. "Your father is summoned, Raikage's old man, your old master, Ōnoki, and the second Mizukage, He means some serious business."

"But that's only a few people. They can't stop a force of our size." Shikaku protested.

I shook my head. "That's not all. Madara has Zetsu on his side. And Zetsu is one person you don't want to underestimate."

"The extents of Zetsu's powers are unknown. Even to me." Pein stated. "From what Alice has told me, Zetsu has made thousands of copies of himself. They must not be underestimated or thousands will die."

I essentially told them everything they needed to know. They listened to me silently as I briefed them on everything that happened as a whole army rather than the individual divisions. Because it's all boring stuff, I don't really want to linger on it anymore than I need to.

"The Zetsu clones are made stronger by use of the first Hokage's cells. Madara has basically remade or grown, rather, Hashirama to fit his purposes." I continued. "The Zetsu clones will get infinitely stronger if Madara captures Yamato which I've seen him do. If we can prevent that, we'll have a greater advantage."

"We will have a messenger explain the situation to Yamato immediately." Tsunade assured me.

I nodded. "Good. Because I like Yamato." I crossed my arms and sighed. "I'd also call Anko back because she'll be captured soon if she doesn't return immediately. I'm not sure if she's been captured already or not. Only time can tell."

"Most of the Akatsuki will be able to recognize Zetsu, which will come in handy later." Itachi stated. "Alice has informed me that Zetsu takes the form of other members of the Shinobi Forces and kills from the inside."

I gestured at Itachi. "And it is very convincing. Zetsu can copy chakra, voice, appearance, and everything else. In fact, later, he will take on Neji's appearance near the medics and run around killing them. However, Sakura manages to take him out."

Sasori crossed his arms. "From what Alice has told us, you can seal the undead summons which will immobilize them. In fact, there is really no other way to stop them. Their bodies are the perfect puppets."

"Well, you can always talk to their souls and try to make them rest peacefully or whatever." Kakuzu said dismissively. "But there isn't time for that and the Kabuto brat will probably have taken most of their free will away. The ones you might have a chance with will have become like Zombies. Where, the killers will have control of themselves and just go around killing everyone."

"Kakuzu and Sasori are both correct." I stated. "In fact, had I not come here and met the Akatsuki, they would have been a part of the undead army and one of them alone can take out hundreds. Especially when they're essentially immortal."

Gaara raised his eyebrow. "So you're saying the Akatsuki would have been dead had you not met them?"

"Correct." I nodded. "However, everything would still be going on as it is. Sasuke would be evil and a little conniving brat; not that he isn't one anyways..." I laughed when he glared at me but continued. "You would have no hope of winning or knowing what the enemy is planning. And, your forces would be destroyed fairly quickly. So, I suppose it's a good thing I am here."

I glanced at Kathryn who was sitting between Sasori and Itachi, fucking with a few radios like she had been since the meeting had begun. "Kat, how are the radios coming?"

"I've extended the range. They're like truck radios now." She smiled. "I'm working on the last one. I should be done in about fifteen minutes."

"Good girl." I smiled.

Mifune looked confused. "What's a truck?"

I laughed. "Something from our home." I told him. "That's all I'm telling you because you wouldn't understand it unless you saw it yourself."

"Pein-sama, what are we going to do about Alice and Kathryn?" Konan wondered.

"Alice will go with Itachi and Kisame. Kathryn will be staying here with you, Konan." Pein stated.

Sasori did not look happy. "Sir."

"I understand you don't approve, Sasori. But Kathryn and Alice will be targeted by Madara and his forces because of their knowledge. Kathryn is the most vulnerable of the pair." Pein stated. "Besides, someone needs to be able to communicate with Alice here."

Kathryn smiled. "It's okay Danna. I don't mind. I get to spend lots of time with Konan and the Kage! I think it will be fun. I don't want to watch people die anyways."

Sasori sighed and closed his eyes. "Fine."

Kathryn giggled and hugged him. "You're so cute, Danna. I love you."

"So Pein, where will you be?" I wondered.

"I will be everywhere." Pein stated. "Whichever battle field needs me the most will have my assistance. But, for now, I will be going with Kakuzu and Hidan to make sure Hidan understands his orders."

"Poor Hidan." I grinned. "He always has a baby sitter."

"He's an idiot." Kakuzu stated. "What do you expect?"

I shrugged. "Not much."

"Perhaps, it would be wise of you to remove your slashed forehead protectors." Gaara stated. "That way you will not be targeted so easily. Most people will already be suspicious of you but if you limit the signs that you were rogue ninjas, it will lessen."

I pointed at him. "That's not a bad idea guys. It would be wise."

Pein nodded. "If you have replacement headbands, we will."

Gaara waved a hand and some ninja brought forward fourteen forehead protectors.

"Danna, since you don't wear a forehead protector, can I have yours?" Kathryn asked.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Sure brat."

She grinned and grabbed one. "Yosh! I always wanted to be a ninja."

Itachi removed his slashed one and set it on the table. I sneakily removed it and slipped it into my pocket because I wanted to keep it. He gave me a look, knowing what I did so I just smiled at him.

Within a moment all of the present members had exchanged their headbands so I grabbed the rest. "I'll give these to the others when we go outside."

"Alice! You need to get a Samurai helmet! That way I can be a ninja and you can be a Samurai and we'll fight! It'll be like the Deadliest Warrior show back at home!" Kathryn gasped.

I stared at her for a minute. "I would win regardless."

"So?" She pouted.

I shook my head. "Shut up, dork.

"Meany!" She accused.

Sasori placed his hand on Kathryn's head. "Easy brat."

"Okay Danna!" She smiled, completely changing her expression.

"Well, I think that's all we have for now. Unless you have something else to tell us, Alice…" Tsunade said with a small smile at our antics.

I shook my head. "Everything else that I might tell you will better be told later as a warning. Or it is something I should probably tell the division leaders personally so they are better prepared for it. However, most of these things can wait."

"Very well. You're dismissed." Raikage stated.

I stood. "Alright. I'm going outside because I can't sit in one spot right now."

"Alice." Sasori began.

"Yes Loofa?" I wondered. He narrowed his eyes at me but didn't comment.

"How is your back?" He wondered.

I shrugged. "Alright I guess. I'll probably give myself some of the serum you made me before I head out with Itachi and Kisame. Itachi stored everything you gave me in a scroll so I'm sure I'll be good."

He nodded. "Very well."

Itachi grabbed my hand before I walked away from him. Raising an eyebrow curiously, I turned to look at him. He racked his eyes over me with concern before looking into my eyes questioningly. I touched his hand which had found its way around my waist and rested on my side. I smiled slightly. "I'm alright."

His eyes flicked over my torso against before he nodded and let me go. "Alright. Be careful though."

* * *

_Poor Hidan..._

**_Fun Fact:_**_ There is a town called Paradise and a town called Hell in Michigan_.

Answer: _Well, I do a lot of stupid things. The first one that comes to mind is recently, I was going to look into a classroom to make a goofy face at the teacher but apparently I was either moving too fast or my depth-perception went to shit for about fifteen seconds because I slammed my face against the window and made a huge boom that could be heard down the hallway. I hadn't meant to do it, but it was pretty funny. Kathryn made fun of me for about an hour since she had been roaming the halls with me. I forget who else was with me... Probably Sethy-Poo or Blake... Anyways, yeah. It was a stupid move and a bunch of people were there to witness it. But me being me, I didn't feel embarrassed about it at all because I don't give a shit:)_

**QotC: **_First question: Why is there a book on my floor? I have never seen this thing in my life. Question number two (The real question): Would you rather have a few really amazing friends that you can trust and they know you inside and out or a lot of friends that don't know you for shit? Why?_

_My English teacher went off on a rant about me today. I thought it was thoroughly amusing. It wasn't insulting, I actually thought it was full of good things. We were discussing poetry in my AP class and somehow we got on the topic of being straight forward and truthful at all times which is what I am. I am an excessively blunt person and I am known for that. So, she was talking about me and everyone in the class was smirking at me knowingly. I just smiled and nodded._

_You weren't there. You don't know me. :)_

_Anyways, I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Happy Halloween and good day to you all._

:)


	91. Chapter 91

_Happy Friday._

_I do not own Naruto. :)_

* * *

I sighed and walked out of Black Kage's office. I told them essentially everything they needed to know _besides_ the method I use to learn said information. We sorted everything out and soon the Akatsuki would be going to their separate divisions. I would be accompanying Itachi, Kisame, Sasuke, and Jūgo to Kakashi's division while Kathryn remained here at HQ with Konan as a guard.

Sasori and Deidara weren't exactly happy about it.

But, you can't say no to Pein.

Unless you wanted to be shot down and suffer through a "God Tantrum" or something of the like. But, then, you would either be crazy or dead because Pein would use his Shinra Tensei to almighty-push you off a cliff.

Anyways, I stretched as I exited the office and looked around curiously over the area. It was typical Kumo landscape, but it was covered by ninjas of all villages. The entire bulk of the force had yet to move out. They would be going soon once Gaara sent them to their positions. As of now however, everyone was preparing themselves.

Except for the Akatsuki, that is.

We were all sitting around boredly by the Raikage's office waiting for Pein to give us further orders. Because, you know, we're really just came to fuck bitches not to destroy Madara and restore peace to the ninja world. We're the Akatsuki. We do what we want.

I smiled as my eyes landed on the member closest to me. He was sitting on the edge of a huge rock, looking over the ninjas in the camps. He looked both bored and troubled as he watched them.

I walked over to him and sat beside him. He didn't even bother looking at me as I took my seat at his side. Smiling slightly, I bumped my shoulder against his. "Hey."

He grunted in greeting and bumped me back.

"What's up with you?" I asked, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Just got done praying." He explained, resting his head against mine in recognition. I noticed his hands were a little bloodied so I nodded in understanding.

I detached one of the Shinobi forehead protectors from the others. "Hold still please."

"What are you doing?" He asked, raising an eyebrow and straightening up.

"Trust me buddy." I stated. I went behind him and untied his Yu headband from his neck before replacing it with the Shinobi headband. I handed him his forehead protector once I sat down beside him again. "There."

He took it from me and looked at it for a minute before handing it back to me. "I don't fucking want this right now. Hold onto it for me, bitch."

I nodded. "Fair enough."

He inspected his new forehead protector around his neck before scoffing. "Fuckers."

"You okay with this?" I wondered after a moment of silence.

He shrugged. "I don't give a shit. As long as I get to kill, so fucking be it."

"You could kill on the other side too you know." I told him.

"Yeah, but I don't want to kill you yet, bitch." Hidan stated, giving me a small smirk.

I smiled and bumped him again. "I knew you loved me."

He rumpled my hair. "Sometimes, whore."

I frowned before attacking him and fucking up his hair. "Well I love you too bastard."

He snickered and tackled me, pinning me to the ground beneath him. He grinned and began digging his elbow into my chest. "We doing this now bitch? Because I'll be more than happy to kick your ass for a little while, I don't have anything better to fucking do."

"Bring it, fucker." I laughed, kneeing him in the gut and fucking up his hair even more.

Kathryn giggled, gaining our attention. "You guys are dorks."

"Hidan, you better not be hurting her or Kisame will kick your ass, un." Deidara snickered.

I looked up at them and smiled. "Nah, Hidan's a pussy." I threw one of the forehead protectors at him. "Here Dei, wear this." He caught it and inspected it for a minute before putting it on with a shrug, handing his old forehead protect to an extremely pleased Kathryn.

Hidan wrapped his arm around my neck and began digging the knuckles of his free hand into my head. "And you're a weak ass bitch."

Shikamaru and a few others that weren't apart of the Akatsuki, looked at us like we were insane. I just laughed at them and elbowed Hidan in the chest.

He let me go and I scurried away from him to hide behind Kakuzu who was walking towards us. He raised his eyebrow at me but said nothing as he approached his partner. "What are you two doing?"

Hidan made a fuss about his hair as he fixed it. "She fucked up my hair."

"Hard to do when you gel it back so much." I snickered as I hugged Kakuzu from behind. He patted my head gently and watched the exchange.

"Bitch, I'll fight you." He snapped.

Kisame chose that moment to appear. "What did I tell you about fighting Alice without Deidara?"

Hidan sighed. "Here comes mother shark."

"Hidan, be nice to Kisame." I squeezed Kakuzu once more before darting over to my shark. "You're just jealous because he's super tall." I handed him a forehead protector. "Here you go buddy this is yours."

Hidan scoffed. "Whatever."

Kisame curled an arm over my shoulder protectively after he took the forehead protector. "Pein will be out here in a few minutes with orders for us." He looked at Kathryn. "You're staying here, right?"

Kathryn nodded. "Yeah. Danna and Dei aren't very happy about it."

"I'd rather be with you, un." Deidara stated, wrapping a possessive arm around her waist. She beamed at him and latched onto him, nuzzling his face and repeatedly telling him he was sexy and she loved him.

Hidan pointed at Shikamaru who was still gawking at us. "What are you looking at?"

"I'm just shocked is all." He admitted, his eyes flicking to Hidan. "I never expected to see _you_ of all people act so gentle."

"I told you." I smiled. I zipped over to Hidan and hugged him. "He's my favorite Jashinist. Just like Kakuzu is my favorite miser. They both only look scary. I see them more as big teddy bears."

Kakuzu did not appreciate that for he smacked the back of my head. "Bad Alice."

I pouted and hugged Hidan more. "Kakuzu's being a butthead. Hidan, beat him up for me." Kakuzu merely scoffed at the idea and smirked at me from beneath his mask.

"I'll be sure to fucking do that, bitch." Hidan returned the gesture slightly. "Here comes your pussy Uchiha."

I stuck my tongue out at Hidan before going to Itachi. My weasel kissed my forehead and set Sable down on the ground. "Sable will be staying here with Konan and Kathryn. The battle field is too dangerous for her."

"I know." I smiled, petting my puppy before she ran over to Hidan. I looked at Sasuke. "You ready to meet with your old sensei?"

Sasuke shrugged and took the forehead protector I offered him for Karin. "I suppose."

"Naruto is going to flip a shit when he sees you." I snickered and threw Suigetsu a forehead protector. "Poor Suigetsu doesn't get to come with us."

"Someone has to babysit Karin." Suigetsu shrugged, walking over to us. Karin smacked him in the head with the forehead protector Sasuke just tossed to her and they began bickering.

"We are so fucked up." I laughed. "Here Jūgo." I added, handing him one as he walked up to stand beside Sasuke.

"Speak for yourself." Sasori said coldly as he emerged from Black Kage's office.

I rolled my eyes. "Quiet you."

He chuckled. "Come. Pein has asked that we stand among the forces while the Kazekage brat gives his speech."

Kathryn glomped him. "Bye Danna. Be careful. I love you."

Sasori patted her head. "I know brat. Me too. You are to stay with Konan. If you are in any danger, send word for me or Deidara immediately." He released her so she could hug everyone goodbye, giving Deidara, Sasori and I the longest hugs. Once we said bye to her, we traveled to the back of the forces.

I stood between Sasuke and Itachi while Kisame towered over me from behind. Kakuzu stood behind Hidan who was standing between Deidara and Itachi. Sasori stood on Deidara's other side. Suigetsu and Karin stood near Sasuke respectively and Jūgo stood behind them.

We were noticed by some people.

"Alice!" Kiba beamed walking back towards us with Akamaru. "What's up?"

"Akamaru!" I smiled and greeted the massive dog. "Hey Kiba. Just waiting for Gaara."

Hinata, who stood beside him, looked over the Akatsuki around me. "Thank you for helping us. Shikamaru told us what you were doing."

Itachi dipped his head at her politely.

"She's hot." Hidan hissed at me.

"Kakuzu." I stated. I smiled when Kakuzu smacked him in the back of the head.

"Ouch you fucker!" Hidan barked.

"Shut up, moron." Kakuzu sighed.

Sakura walked over to us. Her eyes were locked on her old teammate. I could tell she wanted to glomp him but I think the possessive aura Itachi and I were leaking deterred her. "Sasuke."

"Sakura." He replied smoothly.

"You're not going to leave, are you?" She wondered.

Sasuke raised his eyebrow. "I'm helping you aren't I? I'm in your division too."

"You're welcome." I stated. I snickered when Sasuke elbowed me gently.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "She seemed so much smarter when we battled the first time."

She looked over at Sasori. "It still shocks me to see you alive."

Sasori smirked. "You can thank Alice for that. Had I actually fought you seriously, you wouldn't be here to be shocked."

"Sasori, be nice." I scolded.

"Bite me, Alice." He snapped.

I smiled. "Okay."

Itachi restrained me. "He is covered in poison, Alice. That would not be wise."

"Can I punch his heart instead then?" I wondered. Sasori rolled his eyes and shook his head at my antics.

"No." Itachi chuckled, kissing the side of my head. I pouted and looked towards the Konoha ninja who were watching us. All of them looked surprised by the relationships between me and the Akatsuki.

"Oh don't act surprised. I've told all of you multiple times." I stated.

"It's different seeing it personally." Kakashi stated as he walked over to us. "The division leaders, myself included, were just informed of your involvement. And HQ has distributed the information you gave them." He bowed his head. "Thank you for helping us. And Alice, I'm sorry. You should never have gone through what you did and the fact that you're willing to help us after what we did to you shows that you are a good person. Not many people would be able to do what you're doing."

I waved him off. "Don't worry about it. I told you guys I loved you and I meant it. Your situation was understandable. You should have listened to me, but I knew you wouldn't. I had considered this situation a very long time ago and I had already decided that even if you guys killed me, I'd still forgive you. I know you all too well not to. If I held any ill will towards Konoha and anyone in it, we'd be on opposite forces. If I held any ill will towards anyone, it most certainly wouldn't be you, Kakashi. You've always been very kind. Plus, outside of my Akatsuki and Sasuke, you're my favorite."

Kakashi chuckled and did his cute little eye smile thing that made me want to squeal and glomp him. "Well thank you."

"Don't mention it." I shrugged.

"She has a Sharingan fetish." Kisame told him.

Everyone stared at me.

I pouted. "No I don't." I looked at Itachi and Sasuke when they raised their eyebrows at me. Both of them were smirking and had their "Oh really?" faces on. "Okay, maybe a little one."

Kakashi chuckled again. "Sasuke, I look forward to fighting with you once again."

Sasuke dipped his head. "We're missing Naruto."

"Oh Jashin, when he finds out that you're a good guy again, he'll flip a shit." I laughed. "I can't wait for that." I looked at Kakashi, suddenly reminded about an important factor. "I'm warning you now Kakashi, you're not going to be too happy about your first opponent."

His eyes narrowed. "I'll take your word for it."

"Kisame, you probably won't be either." I added.

Kisame frowned. "Goodie."

Itachi wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed my cheek. "You will stay with one of us at all times. Whether it is Sasuke, Jūgo, Kisame, or myself, you are not to be left alone. I'm certain Madara has given his army orders to capture you or Kathryn at all costs."

I shrugged. "He's a stupid old man."

"Alice." Itachi said in a scolding tone.

"I know babe, I know. I'll be extra careful." I nodded. I kissed him. "I promise."  
"Good girl." Itachi praised, patting my head.

I pouted. "I'm not a dog."

Sasori smirked. "If you misbehave, you get to come and stay with me."

"Well in that case, I'm misbehaving now. I just _can't wait_ to sing to you Sasori." I teased. "Oh, maybe I'll take too many painkillers."

Sasori frowned. "No."

Deidara snickered. "She got you there, Danna, un."

"Shut up, Brat." Sasori snapped.

My attention snapped to Kakashi as he spoke. "I'm going up to stand with Gaara. Your Leader, Pein, is up there as well."

I looked in the direction he pointed before he poofed away. Pein was standing quietly beside Kathryn while Konan stood on her other side. Gaara and the other division leaders were up there as well now that Kakashi had joined them.

I rubbed my hands together. "This ought to be good."

"Looks like some people are fighting, un." Deidara stated, looking in the direction of a scuffle. "I don't think this is going to be as easy as they think, yeah."

"That's what Gaara is for, Dei." I told him. "Just watch."

Gaara did a little sand separation just as he began talking. "In the First through Third Wars, each country and village fought for their own gain, as ninjas hated and hurt each other. That hatred bred a lust for power, which gave birth to me. I used to be a host, an embodiment of hatred and power. I hated everyone and wanted to destroy the world… just as Madara and his armies are attempting to do now."

"Damn straight. He better not say the Akatsuki." I muttered.

"Shut up, Alice." Sasori sighed.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"But one Konoha ninja stopped all that." Gaara continued. "He was my enemy but he cried for me! I hurt him but he called me friend! He saved me! We were enemies, but he was a host too. There are no grudges when you understand one another's pain!"

"Considering that's what Pein has been on about since he was a kid, I'd say he's pretty happy with this situation." I grinned.

"There are no enemies here!" Gaara shouted. "We have all suffered because of Madara! There is no Suna or Iwa, no Konoha or Kiri or Kumo! We are all just ninjas!"

"Except for me." I stated. "I'm not a ninja."

"Alice." Sasori snapped. "Shut up."

"Bite me." I pouted.

"And if you still cannot forgive Suna, once this war is over, you can take my head!" Gaara yelled. "The enemy is now after that very friend who saved me! If the enemy gets their hands on him, the world will be over! I want to protect my friend and protect the world! I am too young to protect the world on my own! I am too green so… Please! Please lend me your strength!"

The Akatsuki and I stayed silent as the entirety of the Shinobi forces began cheering Gaara on. I smiled at the Akatsuki's stoic ways. None of them even smiled with pride or excitement. All of them looked bored.

"If you're with me, then follow me!" Gaara shouted.

Deidara laughed and pointed up at him. "Look at Kathryn un!"

I looked back to see Pein holding Kathryn back because she was bouncing and obviously squealing as she tried to glomp Gaara with love. He looked really annoyed from where I was but I could see Konan behind him stifling giggles. I laughed too, along with Suigetsu, Kisame, and Hidan.

Kakuzu, Itachi, Sasori, Jūgo, and Sasuke chuckled at her behavior because they're too cool for emotions like the rest of us mortals.

Stupid men and their desire to appear stoic.

I know their weaknesses.

Four out of five of them are extremely ticklish and one of them spends more time on his hair than Kathryn spends on hers. One of them has detachable limbs that you can steal and beat him with or a heart container you can rip out of him and run around with it.

They're not so tough.

"Alright guys." I laughed, thinking of that mental image. "I guess it's time to move out."

"Hn." Itachi and Sasuke agreed.

"Please be careful okay?" I stated. "And keep an eye out for word from me alright?"

"You better be fucking careful." Hidan snapped, flicking my forehead. I punched him but gave him a quick hug before sending him on his way. All the while, Sasori watched me questioningly. I responded to his unspoken question with a small smile and I stuck my tongue out at him. He nodded slightly in return, rolling his eyes at me.

Sasori and Deidara patted my head as they made to join Gaara's troops. Kakuzu and Hidan went to join Pein with Shikamaru and all of them. Suigetsu and Karin left to go to the medical tents while Sasuke and Jūgo stayed with me, Kisame, and Itachi as we went to go join Kakashi and his troops.

* * *

_Awe, love!_

_Yeahhhh bout dat._

_**Fun Fact: **In South Carolina it is illegal to plow crops with an elephant..._

Answer: _Close friends. I hate people and there are only a few people I can stand._

**QotC: **_Why is your best friend, your best friend? :D_

_Alrighty my lovely readers. You guys make me the happiest author in the world with all of your support and whatnot. Seriously, I couldn't be more happy or proud. This story is crap, but I appreciate everyone who has put up with it this long and you all deserve medals for dealing with me all this time. Because it's hard to do._

_And I especially appreciate those people who review. I know some people think it's scary to review so they only review a chapter while others review every single one. Some put a word of praise while others (_Tori-da-Mutt_) write basically novels every time they review. I read and I appreciate every single letter or punctuation in those reviews and even the messages you guys send me. You all are amazing and thank you._

_Those of you who made me fan art. You are ten times more amazing than anything else on this planet. Kudos to you for being awesome._

_That's enough of the touchy-feely stuff. I'm outty. I'm going to hang out with Kathryn._

_Toodles:D  
_


	92. Chapter 92

****_Oh my Jashin..._

_92 chapters._

_This is outrageous. I object!_

_But, enjoy it lovelies._

* * *

**Third Person!**

_Sup, Yamato!_

_ It's Alice and boy do I have a shit load of things to tell you. Because I don't want to write you a novel and a half, I'm going to get straight to the point here. First, you're awesome and I love you. The whole wood jutsu just scrapes the surface on the many reasons I adore you. But, we'll get to that later._

_ Important things. You need to be extremely cautious. Because Madara is an asshole, he'll try and capture you so you can make the Zetsu clones stronger. You have to avoid getting caught at all costs. 1. I don't want you to get hurt. 2. That would just suck. 3. It will allow us to have a greater advantage. 4. I want Madara to lose so I can rub it in his stupid snobbish Uchiha face._

_ Also, continue to keep Naruto on the DL about the war going on. But, let him know that me and my Akatsuki idiots have formed an alliance with you Shinobi and I brought Sasuke! Yay! Party time!_

_ No… but seriously. Tell him because he'll probably work that much harder so he can hurry up and come see the Duck-butt. Anywhozal, I'll see you soon Yamato. Take care and remember what I told you._

_Love, Alice._

Yamato bit his lip as he read the message from HQ. "Damn… Things just got so much more complicated."

"What's wrong Yamato-taicho?" Naruto asked, noticing the unease in his superior's face.

"Nothing Naruto." Yamato smiled, snapping back into his role. "I have just received a letter from Alice and she was just explaining to me that she and some of her Akatsuki members have formed an alliance with us. Madara, of course, has defected. However, she wanted me to tell you that Sasuke is with them."

"REALLY?" Naruto demanded, lunging at Yamato with excitement. "Where is he? I want to see him! Come on Taicho! Come on! Let's go see Sasuke!"

"Naruto, you're supposed to be training with B-sama." Yamato sighed, patting the ecstatic blonde's head. "Focus.

Naruto pouted. "Right… right…" Then a determined look came onto his face. "I'm going to learn this as quick as I can! That way, I can go find Sasuke and punch his stupid face in for being a bastard for so long!"

Yamato sighed. "Good call, Alice."

**First Person Alice!**

I yawned a bit as I wracked my brain for all of the information of the chapters. Itachi leaned up against the tree I was sitting down against and Kisame stood on my other side. Sasuke was talking with Kakashi and Sakura while Jūgo stood quietly by his side.

"Alice?" Itachi began. "Are you alright?"

"If things are going along like they should be, Kankuro and the surprise ambush squad should have defeated the opposite ambush squad. But I don't know for sure considering Deidara and Sasori were members of it." I said to myself, crossing my arms. "We need to keep an eye out for the red signal from Zaji."

"A red signal!" Kakashi gawked. "It's the surprise ambush team! Let's go!" Gai grunted his agreement.

I opened my eyes and smirked. "Damn I'm good."

Kisame chuckled and picked me up. "Come on kiddo."

I smiled and nodded. "Kisame, get me closer to Kakashi please. I need to talk to him." My shark grunted in understanding and quickened his pace so we were running alongside Kakashi.

"Kakashi, got a minute?" I asked.

"What is it, Alice?" He wondered.

"You're going to be fighting Zabuza and Haku as well as Gari from Iwa, Toroi from Kumo, and Pakura from Suna. They'll be attacking Sai at the moment." I explained. "Be careful because it's not going to be easy."

Kakashi's eyes narrowed. "Zabuza and Haku?"

"Yes." I nodded. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and called Kathryn.

"_Hi Momma!_" Kathryn said cheerfully. "_What's up?_"

"Kakashi and his peeps are about to engage Zabuza and Haku." I explained. "Kurotsuchi and her old man should be near where the Zetsu clones are underground. Make sure you tell those in charge that ASAP."

"_You're on speaker so they can hear you. Anything else?_" She wondered.

"Not at the moment. I have to go. We're about to meet up with them." I stated. "Tell Konan to let Pein know what's going on too."

"_Okay._" She whispered. "_Be careful guys._"

"We will." I assured her. "Bye." I glanced at Kakashi as I put my cell away. "Get ready." I smiled as I felt cold air and snow. "Yes! I love the cold!"

Itachi shook his head. "Alice…"

"Yeah yeah I know." I sighed. "So what do you want me to do?"

"Sakura, keep an eye on Alice, will you?" Kakashi stated. "Sakura will be out of the fight for the most part since she is the medic on our team. Alice will be safer there."

"Makes sense." Kisame stated.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Jūgo, protect Alice."

"I will." Jūgo stated. He sped up slightly and had me climb on his back as we ran. I wrapped my arms around his neck as we sped towards Haku and Zabuza.

"Thanks, Jūgo." I whispered. "Now Kakashi. They're attacking Sai."

He grunted. "Gai, Lee, Kisame, Itachi, come."

The five of them shot forwards as the battalion stopped. Sasuke and Jūgo hopped over to where Sakura was. Jūgo set me down and pushed me behind him so I was protected. I peeked around him to watch, utterly entertained by the entire situation.

"Kakashi-san?" Haku questioned.

"Holy shit he really does look like a girl." I whispered.

Sasuke smacked the back of my head. "Not the time, Alice."

"Someone has to be the comic relief!" I protested with a pout. Sakura giggled at us but otherwise focused on the standoff.

"Kakashi and Kisame!" Zabuza began. "I'm surprised. I knew I'd have to fight but I never thought it would be against either of you two."

Kisame grinned. "It's been a while, Zabuza. Though I'd rather not fight you, I guess it will be kind of fun to face one of my own."

Meanwhile…

My mind was going about three-thousand miles a minute, thinking things through, when finally it hit me. I almost punched myself in the face for not thinking of this sooner. I elbowed Sasuke who was watching the exchange carefully.

"Hey, Sasuke." I began.

He looked around at me. "What is it?"

"Using my 'knowledge' or whatever you want to call it, we might be able to pinpoint Kabuto's location with it. If you or someone else, possibly even a Yamanaka can possess and control him long enough, you could make him perform the necessary hand-signs in order to stop the resurrection jutsu." I explained.

I didn't really need to tell him this, but I was able to think easier when I told someone so then I could talk myself into more ideas and analyze the situation better. Sort of like an analytical essay or something, only involving ninjas and much more dangerous situations.

He stared at me for a minute. "Why didn't we think of that sooner? That's a good idea, Alice. Contact Kathryn and see what the Kage and Pein say."

I nodded. "You guys are going to have to cover me. I don't need them to notice me."

"Of course." Jūgo said firmly.

I quickly withdrew my phone from my pocket and called Kathryn. She answered after two rings.

"_What's going on Alice?_" She asked.

"I have an idea. I almost kicked myself in the face for not thinking of this before." I growled. "If we used our… 'knowledge', we should be able to locate Kabuto with his surroundings and whatnot. Someone with a powerful jutsu, or even a Yamanaka would be able to possess Kabuto and force him to make the hand-signs to end the jutsu he's using to control and resurrect the dead people."

Kathryn was quiet before. "_Oh my Jashin it's perfect! We could totally do that! But… how are we going to do that?_"

"I would need to return to head quarters or whatever so I could show the leaders and whoever else his surroundings. Unless you think you could do it yourself. But I know you don't exactly have everything memorized like I do." I mused.

"_We could do it either way. I would probably need your help for planning and stuff. But… wouldn't Kakashi and everyone else need you too?_" Kathryn asked.

I shook my head. "No. Itachi knows everything that's going on. So does Sasuke, Jūgo and Kisame." I informed her. "I told them everything and showed them."

Kathryn was quiet for a moment while she talked to someone. "_Konan thinks it'd be better if you came here. She's already contacted Pein-sama and told him about the situation and everything. He'll probably be there to get you really soon. Or Konan will._"

"What about you?" I wondered.

"_I'll be fine here. They're all really nice and Sable is here with me._" Kathryn smiled.

I frowned, not trusting the others. "I'd prefer if Konan stayed there with you, but whatever works. It will probably take the same amount of time for Pein to get here and bring me back as it would for everyone else. Unless… Dei uses his clay."

I _heard_ Kathryn roll her eyes. "_You guys are all so paranoid. Is it a requirement?_"

"Obviously it's not because you are about as carefree as they come." I deadpanned. "But, I guess I'll see you… whenever I see you."

"_Hopefully this works. I've been pulling out my hair here thinking something bad has happened to Danna or Deidara._"

"Ah, paranoia. That's what I like to see." I teased. She laughed. "Alright Kat, I gotta go. I'll see you soon. Be _careful_."

"_Bye Momma._" She stated.

"Oi! Itachi!" I barked, closing my phone. Itachi paused and looked around at me, raising his eyebrow.

"What is it, Alice?" He wondered.

"Pein está viniendo conseguirme." I informed him in Spanish. He blinked for a minute as he translated what I said before his eyes narrowed in confusion. "Sasuke will enlighten you if I'm not able to when the time comes."

Ah, it's times like this that make me thankful for taking Spanish and then teaching Itachi a little bit.

Over the months of living with them, I managed to teach Itachi, Sasori, and surprisingly Zetsu Spanish. They now knew almost as much as I did and they could have gotten away with going to Spain or Mexico and avoiding any trouble because of a language barrier.

"Alice…" He began. He obviously didn't like the idea of me leaving his sight because he's extremely overprotective and whatnot just like Sasori and Deidara are. They acted the same way about Kathryn not being able to be with them.

"Itachi, focus please. I promise you it's not for anything bad. In fact, it's beneficial for everyone." I said hurriedly before he could throw a tantrum.

He huffed slightly. "Fine."

"Awe, don't be stubborn." I laughed. "You're cute when you're stubborn and it makes me want to take advantage of you."

Everyone who heard me stared at me while Itachi just sighed and shook his head. Kisame was laughing.

Zabuza raised his eyebrow. "Strange girl."

"You have no idea." Itachi, Kisame, Kakashi, Jūgo, and Sasuke said in unison.

I cackled. "Whatever! You guys totally love me. My strangeness only compliments your own and it makes you feel better about yourselves!"

Kisame smirked. "You do realize you just insulted yourself, right?"

"Of course." I smirked. "I accept weirdness. Being called strange is like someone complimenting my appearance. It's nice and it makes me feel all fuzzy and warm inside."

"It take it back." Zabuza stated, staring at me. "She is a _very_ strange girl."

Sasuke glanced at me. "Damn straight."

"And your brother has tapped this." I teased, wrapping my arm around his shoulders.

Itachi introduced his palm to his forehead.

"Alice, you shouldn't distract people in such a hostile situation." A new voice said.

I wheeled around and gawked at the sight of the new addition. "Well damn."

* * *

_This chapter was fucking improvised._

_**Fun fact: **I don't have school tomorrow:)_

Answer: _Why are my best friends my best friends? Well, to be quite honest, I have a total of four best friends. Kathryn, Blake, Brandon, and Sethy-Poo. I have known all of them since Kindergarten and we're basically like siblings besides Sethy-Poo because he's my sex slave. But anyways. Kathryn's persona compliments my own. She's my daily dose of entertainment and happiness every day. We're pretty much polar opposites in appearance while basically being the same person in our likes, dislikes and whatnot. But, she has her own uniqueness away from my own so we don't grow bored with one another.  
Blake... he's my boy. I adore him. He's probably the sweetest person in the world. He's my Alice to my Kathryn. In other words, he protects me when I need him to and he keeps me in check whenever I'm acting a little too... extreme. Honestly, if I was ever in trouble, he would be the first person I would call to help me out. I swear he would cross worlds to find me just like I would do the same for him.  
Brandon is my male Kathryn. He's goofy and he makes me smile. I don't know what I would do without him, truthfully. He's a sweetheart and probably one of the nicest people I know. However, he can be mean when he needs too. Not to mention, he stalks Naruto with me and we have a shit load of inside jokes together. He's my male partner in crime.  
Seth is my future lover. I swear I have never found someone so... okay with my creeping before. Every day, I pelt him with sexual innuendos and I creep pretty hard on him. He either just responds with his own creepiness or he laughs about it with his super amazing laugh. He's exactly like me but in male form really. Though, he's less creepy, bipolar, and OCD. Also, he doesn't freak out over small things like I do. Like escalators..._

**QotC****:** _Manga or anime? Which do you prefer and why?_

_Please excuse the massive paragraphs about my friends. I love them all dearly. I honestly could write a novel on the reasons why I love each of them. With my severe hatred of humanity, it is hard for me to find people that I genuinely love and consider amazing people. And I think I did a pretty good job with that foursome. They are the corn to my flakes and the macaroni to my cheese. I wouldn't be the same without them._

_But, I also wouldn't be the same pleased banana I am without you guys being incredibly awesome and whatnot! I can't tell you how much I appreciate you all. I'm not going to be all sappy again but seriously, thank you from the bottom of my blackened icicle heart of doom._

_And a very happy birthday to two of my cousins, Hunter and Katelyn. Hunter is 17 and Katelyn is 22. My grandpa also died today ten years ago. He was so awesome._

_Bye sugarplums!  
_


	93. Chapter 93

_Lol, sorry for that little cliffy._

_... I'm actually not sorry at all._

_Anyways, I do not own Naruto. Enjoy my lovelies._

_And Happy Veterans' Day. :)_

* * *

"Pein, how in the hell did you get here so fast?" I questioned, looking at him. He was standing behind me looking all stoic and Leader-like.

The strange urge to squeeze his nose with a loud "honk!" possessed me and I was hard pressed to shove that urge aside for when Itachi or Kisame could rescue me from the likes of our Leader-with-a-God-complex.

Pein stared at me, his almighty wisdom of pain in his face. "I am the Leader for a reason, Alice." It was then that the Leader persona he had up in front of the non-Akatsuki members shifted slightly and I saw the Pein I knew and loved beneath the mask.

I blinked, taking this in. "… Good point."

"Now, come. I am taking you to head quarters." He said calmly, the small traces of amusement in his face leaving as he went back to being serious and getting down to business. "Sasuke, I leave you to inform Itachi and Kisame of this when you get a chance."

Sasuke dipped his head. "I will."

"Watch yourselves. And don't die." He said firmly. He then looked to me, his hands flexing and his right shoulder jerking slightly. "Come, Alice."

"Uh sure." I said with a shrug, walking towards him. He picked me up with ease before freaking _flying_ in the direction of HQ. I mean… I knew Pein was fast and all for being a ninja… but holy shit.

I don't think his feet touched the ground.

We ran for a good fifteen minutes where I couldn't even see the landscape around us because it was one big fucking blur.

Pein raised an eyebrow in confusion as he ran. He looked around him curiously before focusing on me. I saw interest and puzzlement in his expression.

I raised my eyebrow, suddenly suspicious as to why he was staring at me like I started singing opera in a deep tenor voice. "What's up, Pein?"

"Why… why is Itachi's chakra coming from you?" He asked.

I cocked my head to the side, thoroughly confused. "Good question."

His gaze flicked to the path in front of him so I looked forward too. We were really close to HQ. Noticing this, he slowed his pace until he stopped. He set me down and looked over me carefully.

"Alice… is there something you're not telling me?" He questioned. His eyes narrowed and he bent forward slightly until his eyes were exactly level with mine which wasn't far since he was only like two inches taller than me.

I sighed and looked away from him. "Well…"

He straightened up and crossed his arms. Stiff-bastard Leader persona up! "Speak."

"Damn you and your perceptiveness." I pouted. I crossed my arms and looked directly into his eyes, showing him that I wasn't afraid of him. I wasn't afraid of Pein, but I didn't really want anyone to know my big secret just yet. So far, only Itachi, Hidan, and Sasori knew.

"I'm pregnant."

Pein stared at me for a minute, obviously shocked by what I just admitted. His emotionless mask broke as he blinked, gawking at me in his most Leader-like ways. "What?"

"Pein." I deadpanned.

"When? How?" He asked.

I stared at him, deadpan expression with a raised eyebrow. "You _want_ a sarcastic comment don't you?"

"No, I mean, when did you find out?" He clarified, waving away my comment.

I fell silent as I mentally thought about that. "Uh… if I had to guess, I'd say it was about two months ago when we found out. It might be a little less, potentially a little more."

He frowned, not liking that I had a secret for so long that he didn't know about. "Who else knows?"

"Only Itachi, Sasori, and Hidan." I admitted. "Konan and Karin might know too because they were healing me and whatnot, but they haven't said anything. And it is possible Kakuzu knows but I doubt it."

"Why wasn't I told?" He wondered.

"Because I didn't want everyone to know because then no one would leave me alone." I sighed. "Itachi obviously knew first because he was right there beside me when I first found out. He and I told Sasori a day later and asked about my serum and whatnot just in case it had any negative side effects on the baby."

"Hidan?" Pein asked.

I sighed and rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. "Hidan found out on his own. I was sitting in my room one day and he walks in without knocking and is like 'You better name the little fucker after me'." I informed him. "I honestly have no idea how he found out. Hidan's always been rather attuned to me though. I shouldn't be surprised."

Pein sighed and rubbed his temples. "This complicates things."

"A bit." I shrugged. "I was doing fine before."

"Before, I couldn't sense chakra from you." He said seriously, looking down at me. "Now that I can, I don't know if you should be out where Madara can get you."

I sighed. "I hate it when people with authority make logical sense."

He patted my head. "I wouldn't be your Leader if I didn't." He picked me up gently. "Come. We must hurry."

I nodded. "Just… don't tell anyone alright?"

"Not a word." He promised.

* * *

I rested my elbow on the table. "So, you have all the information I have on the future of this battle." I stated. "How do you want to do this?"

Shikaku, who was looking over the information I had given him, frowned slightly in concentration. "I think… I might know where this is. Kabuto's location looks extremely familiar. If not the exact location, I know this general area. The trees here have a more unique look to them and from the other landscape I've seen through this stuff, the landmarks are familiar."

"That's what I like to hear." I smirked, pointing in his direction. I looked at Tsunade. "So? Any plans?"

"I have one." Pein said smoothly, gaining everyone's attention.

I looked around at him.

"I intended on calling in the Akatsuki to take out Kabuto anyways, but now that we have a location, it would be wise to do so. Send in a massive force to take him out and any threat around him." He paused. "Of course, I would limit the members if the Kage have any Shinobi in particular they wish to send."

Kathryn raised her hand, waiting to be called on.

"Kathryn, this isn't school." I stated with a smile. "Go ahead."

She smiled sheepishly at me as she lowered her hand before looking at Pein. "If you send like Itachi, or maybe Yamanaka-san or someone like him, you could use them to get Madara-sama's location from Kabuto before you kill him. Hell, you could probably do it to Zetsu too if you managed to get a hold of him."

Konan stared at Kathryn. "She's right."

"Kathryn, you are always full of surprises." I smirked. The thought had passed through my mind, but I wasn't sure of Madara's location because he had been moving around in the manga so his location is never really set.

Not to mention… there were other ways to find Madara.

Kathryn beamed at me, pleased by the praise.

I looked down under the table as a tug on my pants registered and I smiled at Sable who was sitting in front of me, asking to be picked up. I scooted out from the table a bit and patted my lap. She wagged her tail happily and hopped up onto my thighs, plopping down on me like she owned me.

She did.

I'll admit it.

"I agree that a larger strike force will be necessary. So I'll be sending a few people myself." Tsunade informed him. "I think the other nations should send some as well. But, the main bulk should be the Akatuski seeing as they know the most about the situation."

"Good." Pein stated. "I've already relayed orders to the members I am sending. They are making their ways here now."

I looked at him. "Who are you bringing?"

"Sasori. Deidara is needed in the battle field because his fighting style is ideal for the division's situation. Kakuzu is returning because Hidan is too loud for a sneak attack and because his immortality is useful on the battlefield. Itachi and Kisame both are coming because Hatake has Sasuke and Jūgo to replace them." Pein explained. "And I will be going myself."

Konan looked at me. "You and Kathryn will be staying here with me."

"Fair enough." I shrugged.

"Suigetsu will be coming up here to keep guard so the others can't complain about your lack of protection." Pein added, rolling his eyes.

I snickered knowingly. "Idiots."

"Once we have disposed of Kabuto, we will need to get rid of Madara." Black Kage announced.

I glanced at them. "How are things with Naruto and Bee?"

"Touchy." Tsunade began. "We believe Naruto's beginning to suspect something."

I nodded. "Things are happening pretty much as they should be." I crossed my arms and sighed. "When they break free of the island, you need to let them go. But, I don't know for sure if Naruto will because Yamato is there."

"Let's hope he does not." Ōnoki sighed.

I shrugged. "I dunno. Naruto might be the only person who can kill Madara. He's very powerful."

"We know Madara is powerful." Tsunade stated.

"Actually, I was talking about Naruto." I clarified with a smile. "You'd be impressed by how much he's improved in so little time."

Kathryn giggled. "That's why Naruto is awesome."

Pein glanced at Kathryn and was about to comment until his gaze shifted to the outside world. "Itachi and Kisame approach."

"They always have been the fastest members." Konan smiled.

We waited in a comfortable silence until Itachi and Kisame arrived. Itachi opened the door for his partner and led the way to the table. The instant he made it to the table, he took a place behind me, making physical contact.

I grabbed his hand as soon as his fingers brushed my cheek. Kisame walked closer to me too, looking over me with a smirk.

"You got here quickly, as expected." Konan commented. "Take a seat. We are still waiting for Sasori and Kakuzu."

"Is it wise to leave Hidan out there on his own?" Itachi wondered.

Pein glanced at Itachi. "Hidan isn't an issue."

"He'll behave." I smiled. "He's a good boy when he needs to be."

"Before they get here, Itachi, Alice, and Konan, there is something I wish to discuss with the three of you." Pein said smoothly. "Kisame, will you and Kathryn wait outside? It will only be a moment."

Kisame shrugged. "Sure." He rumpled Kathryn's hair. "Come on kid, let's let the old people chat."

"I take offense to that." I snapped. "You're older than me and Itachi."

"But I don't act as old." He countered.

I paused. "Touché."

He snickered and left with Kathryn, closing the door behind them.

"What did you want, Leader-sama?" Itachi asked.

Pein looked at Itachi. "I assumed you would have sensed the slight change in Alice by now, Itachi."

Itachi raised his eyebrow and looked at me with concern. I looked around at him and raised my own eyebrow. I knew what Pein was talking about, but he should have just come out and said it. Just from the way he was going about it, I knew Itachi would start flipping out.

"What are you talking about?" Konan wondered.

"I can sense chakra coming from Alice." Pein said calmly, looking at her. "But it is not just any chakra." His eyes flicked to Itachi and rested on those beautiful red orbs. "It's yours."

Itachi tensed.

I sighed, recognizing the signs that would lead to an Uchiha freak-out. "Don't be creepy, Pein." I looked at Itachi. "He knows dork, you can calm down." Itachi deflated and kissed my head with a small sigh of relief.

"Knows what?" Tsunade wondered. "What are you guys talking about?"

I smacked my palm against my forehead. "Shit."

Pein crossed his arms. "For this reason, I am not allowing Alice to return to the battlefield. It makes her an easier, detectable target."

Itachi's eyes narrowed slightly but he bowed his head.

"Don't worry. Suigetsu will be coming up here." I soothed. "Calm down."

He nodded. "Forgive me, Alice. I didn't consider this when I agreed for you to join me in the battle in the first place."

"Will someone tell me what's going on?" Raikage asked.

I looked at him and sighed. "Long story short, I'm going to be repopulating the Uchiha clan. Said Uchiha," I pointed at Itachi, "is the father and thus his chakra can be detected inside me." I crossed my arms. "So, I have to stay here because now I can be located by his chakra."

"You shouldn't be running around in such a dangerous place anyways with a baby, Alice." Tsunade scolded.

"Shit happens." I shrugged.

"How far along are you?" She asked.

I sighed as I mentally counted back. "A little over two months?"

She froze.

"So yeah, I was pregnant when I was captured and tortured by Konoha." I nodded. "Don't worry. I'm alright and so is the baby. How, I'm not entirely sure. But I feel like Sasori and Itachi have a part in it."

"Hn." Itachi stated.

She looked down. "I'm sorry."

"I said don't worry about it." I sighed. "Just, do me a favor and don't tell anyone. I really don't feel like dealing with the attention right now."

Konan nodded knowingly. "I thought so. I wasn't sure, but I decided not to say anything if you hadn't said anything. I assumed you were keeping quiet for a reason."

I smiled. "Yep."

Itachi kissed the side of my head. "Sasori is here."

"Alright, this stays on the down low." I stated, stroking Sable's sleek black fur. She licked my hand before climbing out of my lap and onto Itachi's. He gave her the tiniest lift of one of the corners of his mouth as he pet her gently.

Sasori tossed open the doors as he marched inside with Kathryn and Kisame behind him. He looked irritable. "Deidara was complaining. The idiot brat."

"Complaining?" Pein asked.

"He wanted to see Kathryn." Sasori clarified. He glanced at said blond when she latched onto him. He calmly returned her hug, patting her on the head.

"I missed you so much, Danna!" She told him.

"Me too brat." He told her gently. "Come, we'll sit down." She nodded happily and sat between him and Konan while Kisame took a seat on my other side and beside Pein. He kissed the top of my head with a grin.

I smiled at him and shook my head before my gaze flicked to the door. "Hi Kakuzu."

"Alice." He grunted. He walked forward after shutting the door and sat beside Pein. "Forgive me for the delay, Pein-sama. Hidan was being a moron."

"Why are none of us surprised by that?" Sasori muttered, resting his chin on his palm as his elbow propped his head up on the table. His other hand was being held by Kathryn who refused to let him go after not seeing him for a day or two.

Kakuzu chuckled but didn't comment.

"So… shall we plan?" Ōnoki asked.

* * *

_Sorry for the somewhat late delay. I had a business Leadership conference up in Columbus day. I literally just got home from it._

_I fucking hate buses. And there were so many escalators there... I about died._

_**Fun Fact: **Dani _hates _escalators. They scare the shit out of he__r. And just so you guys know, I was almost forced to get on one and I just sat down on the ground and began hyperventilating. It was a little pathetic._

Answer!: _I like both. Manga has no fillers. Anime has sexy men with sexy voices._

**QotC:** _Which holiday is your favorite and why?_

_I love you guys. Dearly. Thanks, as always, for sticking with this story for so long. But, don't worry. It's nearing a close._

_Bye~_


	94. Chapter 94

_So... I'd say we're going to have a decently long Author's note down below._

_I'm in a talkative mood today. Feel free to ignore it._

_Enjoy lovelies._

* * *

Kathryn sat between Shikaku and I, looking over the makeshift chessboard we had. A few months ago, out of boredom, I asked Deidara to make me some non-explosive chess figurines from his clay. Kathryn painted one half black for me while the other was left white. She then made me a board because she's artistic and I'm not.

Itachi had packed it onto one of my storage scrolls holding all my shit. Earlier I had asked Konan to summon it for me because Shikaku and I were super bored.

Now, we were stuck in a stalemate because he was super smart, and I was as close as he could get with games like these in the headquarters.

Kathryn was looking between us, grinning like an idiot, waiting for Shikaku to make his next move.

"What are you guys doing?" Suigetsu wondered, getting up from his spot to come and inspect our game.

"Playing chess." Kathryn told him. "They're pretty much tied right now."

"Only because he'd kick my ass in shogi." I muttered. Shikaku chuckled good-naturedly, but said nothing in response.

Finally, he moved.

And I came swooping in for the kill.

"Very nice move Alice." He stated. "I hadn't suspected you to make that move, but I am prepared for it." He then retaliated with a move, taking out the piece I just killed his own with.

"And I expected you to be prepared for it." I smirked, taking him out with another move I had ready and waiting.

Suigetsu blinked. "You guys are so weird."

"You're just jealous because you're not smart enough to understand what's going on." I snapped, shooing him away.

Suigetsu looked at Kathryn.

"She needs a distraction so she stops worrying about Itachi and Kisame." Kathryn muttered. "She's already gone through all of her nervous habits over the past two days and now she just needs a distraction."

"I'm also worried about Pein, Sasori, Kakuzu, Kiba's mom, Ao, and that one guy." I stated. "But don't insult my habits. Be quiet now, I have a Nara to school."

She giggled when Shikaku smirked. He moved another piece and I countered it with my own move.

I shifted in my seat, wincing at the stiffening in my back. Kathryn noticed and her smile turned into a concerned frown.

"Do you need your serum?" She asked.

I looked at her. "Not right now. I'll be fine for a little while longer."

She nodded. "Okay."

"Where's Sable?" I asked, looking around for my baby.

"She's playing with Raikage-sama." Kathryn smiled. I looked around to see Sable growling mischievously at the large black man who would nudge her with is foot every now and then, only to have her attack him playfully before backing away to get on the defensive.

I smiled at her playfulness before returning my attention to the bored. As soon as I did, Shikaku found his next move. "Checkmate.".

"Damn." I muttered, looking over the bored. "I didn't even see that route."

He chuckled and agreed with a small bob of his head. "I hadn't seen it either until the last second."

I sighed in defeat and offered him my hand. "Good game, sir. It's an honorable loss."

He accepted the gesture and returned it. "A very good game Alice. You should let Shikamaru and I teach you how to play shogi. I bet you would be a very challenging opponent."

"Thanks." I smiled. "I might take you up on that once all this is done and over with."

He stood and stretched as I commandeered Suigetsu and Kathryn's help in cleaning up the chessboard. I got up once everything was packed up and cracked my back, hissing at the pain before stiffly walking around. I walked to the window and looked around outside.

Suigetsu joined me a few minutes later and raised his eyebrow at me.

"What?" I asked.

He leaned in closer so he could whisper in my ear. "Why do I feel Sasuke's brother's chakra coming from you?"

I glanced in Kathryn's direction to see her talking with Ōnoki now before looking back at Suigetsu. "Promise not to tell anyone?"

"I swear." He vowed.

I sighed. "I'm carrying the next Uchiha."

He stared at me for a minute before he burst out laughing. "Oh that's fucking fantastic!"

I glared at his loudness but he waved it off.

"I won't tell anyone, Alice. Calm down. I just wanna see Sasuke's face when he finds out. That will be priceless!" He snickered.

I smiled, imagining duck-butt's reaction. "It will be pretty amusing. Especially since Itachi about choked when he found out." I patted his shoulder. "I'm glad you're here, Suigetsu."

"Likewise." He grinned.

"Hey Momma!" Kathryn grinned, skipping over to me. I could see her excitement just radiating from her. "We just got word from Pein-sama."

I looked at her. "And?"

"They found Kabuto." She smiled. "His defense is shitty so they aren't having too hard of a time."

"Well they need to finish it quickly because Zetsu has a spore on him and he could alert Madara anytime. Madara will be a lot harder to fight than Kabuto." I stated quickly.

"True." Konan nodded, walking over to us. "That's what I just got done telling Pein."

I sighed in slight relief. "Good."

* * *

Kathryn sighed dejectedly as she sat a few seats away from me in the Raikage's office. We were off to the side, away from the Kage table where all of the traffic was going on. But, we sat at an even larger table that was full of papers and equipment. Suigetsu sat with us, swooning over his sword and Sable was lying on the chair beside me, napping contently.

Kathryn set a radio she had been fiddling with down on the table. With a loud sigh, she dropped her head into her arms which she had folded on the wooden slab.

I raised my eyebrow, looking up from my phone. "What's up Kat?"

She peeked up at me and shook her head. "I just miss Danna and Deidara." She closed her eyes. "I hope they're okay. Danna's facing stupid Kabuto and Dei's got a whole army of Zetsu and dead people to blow up."

"I'm sure they're fine, Kathryn." I assured her. "Deidara and Sasori are much too strong to be taken down. Even with their respective foes."

Kathryn lifted her head up. "Aren't you worried?"

"More than you could possibly imagine." I admitted. "I'm internally having a heart attack with worry over all of them. But, I don't like showing my emotions if I can help it."

She pouted. "I miss Zetsu. And Tobi. I wish Madara-sama never came out of his Tobi shell. Tobi was so much fun. Madara-sama's a big jerk."

I smiled slightly. "Hn."

"Alice, Kathryn!" Konan called, walking briskly over to us. She gave us a smile. "Kabuto has been defeated. It took all of the present members to finally force him into submission and kill him, but they did it. The Resurrection Jutsu has been deactivated."

"That so awesome! I knew those guys could do it. Even though I was begging Jashin to help them..." I sighed with relief. "Thank you Jashin-sama."

"Pein-sama has already called the Akatsuki back to regroup so we can go after Madara." Konan informed us. "We're going to be having a meeting with the Kage, and the two surviving Jinchūriki to decide what we're going to do."

"That's good. Was anyone hurt in the fight?" I asked.

Konan's face fell but she didn't break eye contact with me. "Itachi and Kisame were both injured and Kakuzu lost a heart."

I tensed, my heart sinking. "How bad?"

"Itachi fell unconscious just after Kabuto was eliminated, and Kisame was poisoned. Thankfully, Sasori was there. He'll be able to help Kisame along with Samehada providing him with chakra. Itachi's life isn't in any foreseeable danger, but they're rushing him here so the medics can look over him." Konan explained.

I bit my tongue and nodded. Be positive Alice, be positive. "I suppose it could have been worse. Can you take me down there when they get back?"

"Of course I can." She stated. "Hidan and Deidara are on their way here right now so your protection won't be an issue. Hidan should be here quite soon."

I nodded and stood. "Good."

I curse my arthritis, Kathryn's fear of needles, and whoever the fuck thought it would be a good idea to place a table on an elevated platform. I'd also like to curse my clumsiness.

I blame my arthritis for obvious reasons. I'm in constant pain. Sasori's serum helps like you wouldn't believe. But there always is pain as well as some permanent mental fear that if I move too much or too fast, pain will course though me.

I blame Kathryn's fear of needles because I can't give myself the serum around her. If I were to inject myself with it near her, she'd freak. And since Deidara and Sasori aren't here to soothe her for me, I'd be stuck with doing it and that would only make it worse because I was the one holding the syringe in the first place. Thus, she would be scared of me for a time.

I blame the fucking elevated table and chairs and the damn fucking dip right after the chairs because I always fucking forget it's there. I forgot just then since my mind was on Itachi, Kisame, and Kakuzu, and I jarred by back, causing pain to shoot through me.

My clumsiness is curse because on top of my back pains, I also slipped and cracked my head on the platform, successfully knocking myself out.

**Third Person!**

"Alice!" Konan gawked. She darted to Alice's side and shook her shoulder a bit before she realized Alice was unconscious. "Damn it."

Kathryn hurried over to them with Suigetsu and knelt beside her best friend. "Al? What happened?" Sable hopped down from her chair and licked Alice's face, trying to wake up her mommy.

"She cracked her head on this platform." Konan sighed, lifting Alice's head up to heal her. "And I think she might have hurt her back. She hasn't been taking her serum."

Suigetsu raised his eyebrow. "Why wouldn't she?"

Konan, who knew the reason, shrugged because Kathryn was there. "I don't know."

"So…" Kathryn began. "What do we do?"

"We wait." Konan stated. "Until she wakes up." Her eyes flicked to Tsunade, Shikaku, and the Raikage as they walked closer to inquire as to what was going on.

Tsunade raised her eyebrow. "What happened?"

"She has severe back problems." Konan informed her with a sigh. "It causes her constant, extreme pain."

"And she's a fucking klutz." Suigetsu finished with a snicker. "She hit her head."

Tsunade blinked. "Is she going to be alright?"

"She should be fine." Konan assured her. "She'll just be in a lot of pain when she wakes up. That's why I'm not waking her. Not until Sasori and/or Deidara get here." She paused and her eyes flicked to the entrance. "Speaking of which, Hidan is coming."

All of the present Shinobi looked to the door. A few moments later, and extremely angry and bloodstained Hidan marched into the office, swearing under his breath. He looked around until his eyes landed on Kathryn and he grinned.

"Hey there you skinny bitch!" Hidan greeted.

Kathryn beamed. "Hi Hidan!" She hopped to her feet and ran over to him, throwing a hug on him. He returned it with a snicker.

"You alright? None of these fuckers hurt you right?" He asked, looking around after he looked over her.

"I'm fine." Kathryn smiled. "Are you okay? You're not hurt too bad are you?

Hidan grunted to show he heard her as he picked up Sable who was whining happily at his arrival. He held the pup close, allowing her to lick his face in greeting.

"Nah, I'm fucking fine. Where's the crazy bitch?" He wondered. His eyes then locked on Alice on the floor. He shot over to her and looked her over, setting Sable on the ground so he could inspect his crazy, unconscious friend. "What the fuck happened to her?"

"She's unconscious, Hidan." Konan informed him.

Hidan glared before his gaze flicked to the Kage and Konoha Shinobi present. He got to his feet and ripped his scythe from his back, pointing at them threateningly. "What the fuck did you do to her?"

"Easy Hidan." Konan scolded, grabbing his arm. "It's her back."

Hidan relaxed substantially and stopped glaring at the non-Akatsuki members. Returning his scythe to its proper place, he looked around at Konan. "Fuck. Where's Sasori?"

"On his way. We might as well take her down to the medical tents. She wants to see Itachi and Kisame." Konan sighed. "Kathryn, Suigetsu, come with us. Hidan, will you carry her for me?"

"Yeah." Hidan grunted. He picked up Alice gently and held her carefully, not wanting to hurt her anymore than she already was. He whistled as he started for the door. "Sable."

Sable barked obediently and trotted after him, walking right at his side. Konan smiled at that but didn't comment as she shooed Suigetsu and Kathryn after him. She looked to the Kage and bowed her head slightly.

"Forgive him. We're all rather protective. And he's a bit more attached to the girls than some of the other members." She apologized. "We'll be in the medical tents with Alice. You might want to send someone down to speak with Pein-sama once they arrive with the wounded."

"I will be down." Tsunade assured her. "I'm certain they could use my help while I'm there."

"Thank you." Konan said stoically. She then turned and followed after her idiots, intent on waiting for the love of her life and the rest of the morons she called her family to return to her.

* * *

_:)_

**_Fun fact:_**_ Curvy hips indicate smart women who will deliver intelligent children._

Answer: _Fourth of July. Why? I get to blow shit up. It used to be Christmas when I was little because it was the holiday in which my entire family got together. But, now I hate the majority of my family and thus want nothing to do with them. No, it wasn't because of presents. I actually hate that aspect of the holiday._

**QotC: **_I'm going to get shit for this question. Harry Potter or Twilight?_

_I would like to address the topic of Brett and Louis as characters for this story. I get at least one message/review/or something just about every chapter involving the two being incorporated in this story. I am very glad that you guys liked Bee and Lulu and I know they, in turn, appreciate all the love they receive because of me making them characters in this story. But I will not be adding them in at any time. They were base characters, nothing more. I didn't intend for them to be involved in more than a few chapters. Hell, originally Kathryn wasn't even supposed to be involved for more than a chapter or two. I'll admit she made the story deeper and I wouldn't go back and cut her out because I love her but still. Brett and Louis are pretty much done. I will probably write oneshots with them, but they're not going to be in this story. I know, I'm a horrible person. You'll learn to live with it._

_Second topic of discussion: Alice's future baby. If you don't like the fact that I made her pregnant, get over it. It's my story and I will do what I want with it. For those of you who weren't surprised about her being pregnant, good for you. You can read between the lines. The only reason I made Alice announce it to the world (Or just a few people) is because I wanted to clarify it to all the people who can't infer things and whatnot. :)_

_Third! Holy shit you guys. This story has almost 2,300 reviews. That is almost seven times the amount the prequel to this story has and it's about 230 times more than I originally intended to get. I cannot express my gratitude to each and every single one of you for being so... awesome and giving this piece of garbage so much support and love. Out of all the reviews I've ever gotten, I can honestly say I've only gotten two bad reviews, both of whom were by anonymous reviewers because they're immature and can't handle confrontation. But, still. Thank you guys, very very very very very very much. I love you._

_Who is a fan of the Inheritance cycle (Also known as Eragon series)? If you are, have you read Inheritance yet? It's awesome~ I got it the day it came out and read it within ten hours. :) That's what I did on my day off on Tuesday last week._

_You guys want to know who the sorest losers on the face of the planet are? Fucking Bengals' fans. I'm a Steelers' fan when I watch football (Which, I rarely do because I have better things to do with my life than watch people run into each other while holding a lemon.) but my god. If the Steelers lost to the Bengals (A rarity, mind you) I would congratulate the team by saying "hey, good game. Maybe we'll win next year" not "OH MY GOD! I HOPE EVERY SINGLE STEELERS' FAN AND TEAM MEMBER GETS HIT BY A BUS AND DIES!" Yeah... my entire family, save my father and I, are Bengals' fans. I was told to drop dead by one of my aunts... I didn't say a word to her. I didn't even watch the game and she calls me and tells me that.  
Such a loving family..._

_But anyways! I'm done with my paragraphs of rant because this is getting ridiculous. There will be more author's note than story content if I keep going. So yeah..._

_Bye cupcakes:)  
_


	95. Chapter 95

_Meep!_

_Enjoy dearies._

_Uh, you know, it's the weirdest thing. I just got home and I found some documents saying that I owned Naruto..._

_Weird...  
_

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

The first thing I was aware of was the feeling of pounding pain stemming from my back and head. The second thing that I noticed, was a very loud, obnoxious voice arguing with a deeper one with a distinct verbal tick that was just as loud.

I blame Hidan and Deidara for the migraine I'm growing.

I shifted carefully, not wanting to have pain kill me, and opened my eyes. The white ceiling and the medical equipment confused me at first, and then I remembered what happened and that we were close to the medical tents. My mind, being the fast acting thing it is, quickly answered my unasked question of: Where the fuck am I and what am I doing here?

So, I opened my eyes and looked around. I managed to catch a glimpse of blond and silver before black dominated my vision and a fast wet tongue covered my face. Happy whimpers then assaulted my ears.

"Gah, Sable, I can't breathe." I muttered, trying to avoid her kisses. She did not stop her assault. So I hugged her, pinning her gently to my person to put some distance between my face and her tongue.

"Ah! You're awake, un!" Deidara announced with a cocky grin.

I frowned at him. "Really? I had no idea. Thank you, Captain of the Obvious."

"Fuck you Alice, un." He pouted.

Konan giggled, announcing her presence on the other side of the cot thing I was on. "How are you feeling, Alice?"

"My back hurts like a bitch." I sighed, locating Kathryn who was glued to Deidara's side. She was sleeping, but she had his arm in a vice grip as he held her in his lap contently. He didn't look like he had any intentions of letting her go either.

"You haven't been taking your fucking serum." Hidan snapped, pointing at me. Sable bit his finger which enticed a loud protest.

I frowned at him. "Shut up Hidan." I looked around. "Is my bag with my storage scroll here?" I released Sable and she sat on top of me, announcing her ownership of my person to everyone in the room.

"I brought it just in case." Suigetsu nodded from Konan's side. "Why?"

"Will you get the serum out or give it to Konan to get it? It's the blue scroll with a white stripe." I asked. "Dei, make sure she's sleeping and can't see what's going on please."

Deidara uned his understanding and turned around on the stool he was sitting on to put himself in Kathryn's line of sight just in case she woke up.

Konan quickly summoned my serum out of the scroll and readied the appropriate dosage for me like I instructed. She then injected it into my arm and put everything away skillfully within five minutes.

"Thanks Konan." I told her, sitting up. I hissed at the pain that came with the movement but didn't stop. I looked at Hidan. "When did you and Dei get here?"

"I got here just after you passed out." Hidan informed me. "That was fucking pathetic, bitch." I stuck my tongue out at him so he continued. "Dei-chan got here about an hour later."

"How long have I been out?" I wondered.

"About seven hours." Suigetsu told me.

I blinked. "Fuck. I must have hit my head pretty hard."

"I didn't let you wake up. Kathryn wouldn't leave your side, so I couldn't give you the serum. I didn't want you to be in pain." Konan stated.

The light in the tent got brighter for a second, announcing the arrival of someone. I looked up to see Tsunade enter the tent.

"It's good to see you're awake, Alice." Tsunade said with a small smile. "Sasuke and Jūgo have arrived." She stepped out of the way and held up a flap, allowing Sasuke and Jūgo to enter the tent.

"Hey Sasuke. Hey Jūgo." I greeted.

Sasuke dipped his head. "Hn." Jūgo just waved with a smile before retreating to the corner like the quiet wallflower he is. Sable moved swiftly off of me in order to greet Sasuke. Said little brother allowed himself a ghost of a smile as he pet her.

"We have received word that your leader is approaching. I've arranged so that the wounded will be brought to this tent." Tsunade announced. "I hope that's alright."

Konan dipped her head. "Pein-sama probably would have demanded it."

"Hey Hidan, help me crack my back, will you?" I asked, directing my attention away from the important people.

Hidan shrugged. "Sure." He stood up and walked the short distance to my side. He helped me stand and then picked me up, putting pressure in the appropriate spots to cause a nice, continuous cracking down my spine.

"Ah!" I smiled when he set me back down. "So much better."

Deidara smirked at me. "You're such a fucking weirdo, un."

I winked at him. "Thank you."

Sasuke sat on the corner of my now vacant bed and raised an eyebrow at me. "Isn't that unhealthy?" Sable copied him and looked at me, cocking her head to the side as we talked.

"It might be, but it makes me feel so much better." I shrugged, smiling at my puppy's cuteness. I kissed her head and she wagged her tail at me before licking my face and hopping off the bed to go and give Jūgo some love.

Tsunade tilted her head curiously at me. "That's very interesting. What sort of serum did Akasuna no Sasori make for you? And what exactly is wrong with your back?"

"I have no idea about the serum. You'd have to ask him." I answered. "As for what's up with my back, I have arthritis."

Tsunade crossed her arms and bit on her thumbnail. "I wonder, once things have settled down, if you would let me have a look. I'm curious."

I shrugged indifferently. "Uh, yeah, sure. I don't mind."

She smiled at me.

Jūgo shifted in the corner, looking up from Sable. "They have arrived."

Tsunade nodded in understanding and backed out of the tent, pinning the flaps open before barking orders at medics she saw. With a wave, she stepped out of the entrance and out of the way.

Her shadow was replaced by Kakuzu's who was carrying Kisame. Sasori came in next with Samehada and Pein entered with Itachi in his arms. Kakuzu placed Kisame on the spare bed and Sasori instantly took a spot by his side, digging around in one of the bags he had, looking for stuff. Pein set Itachi on what was once my bed.

"Deidara, get Kathryn out of here." He barked, throwing a brief look over his shoulder towards his brats. "There's going to be a lot of needles."

Deidara nodded and stood, carrying Kathryn who was waking up, out of the room/tent thing. Suigetsu and Jūgo followed him while Sasuke and I took up a place by Itachi's side.

Konan stepped closer to Itachi as Pein set him down and backed up. Tsunade came back into the tent and looked over Itachi, searching for the source of his injury.

"Itachi." I muttered. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, looking over him. He had no visible wounds besides the dried bloody tears tracks. I sighed and stroked his hair out of his face with my free hand before kissing his cheek.

"Do you know what happened to him?" Konan asked, checking his pulse.

Pein backed up to step out of a medic's way as she hurried to help Sasori with Kisame. That medic just so happened to be Sakura. He shook his head. "No. He was not injured. It might just be chakra exhaustion."

"That and/or he overused his Mangekyō Sharingan." I mused. I traced the blood tracks. "He used Tsukuyomi on Kabuto, didn't he?"

"Yes. He was the one who forced Kabuto to end the jutsu. Also, I'm fairly certain he invaded Kabuto's mind to find Madara's location." Kakuzu grunted from the corner. He was petting Sable who was being held/restrained by his partner at his side.

Tsunade walked forward and looked between Pein and I. "May I?"

I gestured for her to do as she would. Pein dipped his head in agreement. She then placed her hand over Itachi's eyes and began channeling healing charka into the damaged orbs. About fifteen minutes later, she moved on over his body, searching for anything that might be the cause of his condition.

"From what I see, he is just out of chakra." Tsunade stated as she withdrew her hand.

"We'll be able to fix that soon." Sasori threw over his shoulder. "Kisame is coming around so he'll be able to give Itachi some of his and Samehada's."

I sighed with slight relief and kissed Itachi's lips. He shifted beneath me and the hand I was holding twitched. I pulled away from him to look in his face as he began waking up.

"Itachi?" I began.

He exhaled slowly. "Alice."

"Yeah." I smiled. "Hi babe."

He smiled slightly as he opened his eyes. "I missed you."

"Likewise." I assured him. "I'll be sure to kick your ass later for getting hurt too."

He chuckled weakly, wincing at the strain. "My apologies."

"Apology accepted." I sighed. "You're lucky you're cute."

He smirked. "Are you alright? How is Kisame?"

"I'm fine." I looked in the direction of Kisame's bed. "Sasori, Sakura, is he going to be okay?"

"He should be fine." Sakura smiled at me.

Sasori straightened up and put away a syringe. "I just gave him the antidote. It was an older poison, but luckily I never forget the antidotes." He crossed his arms. "He'll be up and moving normally in about an hour with his stamina."

I sighed. "Good."

"Aniki." Sasuke grunted, resting a concerned hand on his brother shoulder. Now that the medics were done with him, Sasuke took the unoccupied side of the bed.

Itachi looked at Sasuke. "Otouto. Are you alright?"

"Hn." Sasuke stated. "Are you?"

Itachi dipped his head.

"DANNA!" Kathryn yelled, running into the tent. She jumped on him, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face into the crook of said neck. He caught her skillfully and held her up as she hugged him. "I was so worried about you guys! Are you okay? I missed you!"

"Easy brat." Sasori soothed. "One question at a time."

She shuddered and clung tighter to him. "No! You're never leaving me anymore! You and Dei have to stay with me forever! I don't give a shit what's going on!"

Sasori sighed. "Kathryn."

"I love you Danna." She whimpered.

He patted her head. "I love you too kid. Now calm down. I'm fine."

I smiled at them. "That's so cute."

"Fuck you, Alice." Sasori snapped.

I stuck my tongue out at him. "I missed you too, Loofa."

He smirked and set Kathryn down, allowing her to continue to cling to him. She grabbed Deidara when he joined us and held onto her artists with all of her might.

Sakura blinked. "I'm honestly shocked to see all of this."

I laughed. "I told you they weren't who you thought they were." I looked over my shoulder. "How are you doing, Kakuzu?"

"I am fine. It was only one heart. I intend on restocking soon." He grunted.

I released Itachi's hand for a second to go and hug him. "I'm glad you're okay."

He patted my head. "Hm."

"Close to the Uchiha grunt." I pointed out. Sasuke rolled his eyes and Itachi smiled slightly. I returned to him instantly and grabbed his hand again.

Hidan smirked at his partner as he set Sable down on the bed. She instantly darted to Itachi to lick the shit out of him. He chuckled and greeted her calmly. "I knew I should have fucking gone. You bastards would never have fucking gotten hurt if I had went."

"I seriously doubt that." Pein said smoothly, allowing his hand to brush against Konan's affectionately. "The only reason none of us died is because we were over prepared."

"He's right, Hidan." Sasori stated.

"Ouch. What the hell happened?" Kisame groaned. "It feels like I was kicked in the head." Hearing Kisame get up, Sable made to run to him but was stopped as Hidan picked her up again. She growled in protest but didn't fight him too much.

I kissed Itachi fully before letting him go and hurrying to Kisame's side. I hugged him, taking him off guard. "Hi Kisame. I'm glad you're okay now."

Kisame blinked as I hugged him but grinned when he caught up and returned the gesture, pulling me off the floor and onto his person. "Hey kid."

"You were poisoned." Sasori explained. "Pinkie and I administered the antidote and extracted what of the poison that we could. You will be fine within the hour when the antidote runs its course and your chakra picks up."

Kisame nodded, still hugging me. "Thanks."

"My name is Sakura. Not Pinkie." Sakura glared.

Sasori shrugged indifferently.

Kisame looked around before his eyes landed on something and he removed one arm from my embrace to grab Samehada's hilt. Samehada squirmed and started making noises as it transferred chakra into its wielder.

Kisame let me go as he decided he wanted to sit up and I returned to Itachi's side. Itachi sat up with me and Sasuke's help and he moved over slightly to pull me up on the bed to at his side.

He nuzzled my cheek with his nose. "Alice."

I smiled and kissed him. "Itachi."

"When you're at your best, Kisame, try to channel some chakra into Itachi. That way he regains his strength faster." Pein stated. "Then, we can begin the meeting when everyone is present and ready."

"Yes sir." Kisame nodded.

Tsunade looked over all of us. "I'll be reporting back to HQ to wait for Naruto and Killer Bee to arrive. Sakura, they all seem to be in good hands here. Why don't you see if anyone else needs your help?"

"Yes Tsunade-sama." Sakura bowed her head.

I watched them go before latching onto Itachi. He chuckled and kissed my cheek.

"Hey Alice." Kisame began, raising his eyebrow at me.

I looked at him. "What?"

"Why do I sense chakra coming from you?" He wondered. "Itachi's chakra to be exact."

I blinked. "I'm holding him?"

He shook his head. "No. It's coming from you. I'm sure of it."

I sighed and Itachi nuzzled my cheek again. "You might as well tell them, Alice. It will be obvious soon enough."

"I know." I sighed. "Alrighty, those who don't know my little secret, listen up."

Sasuke, Kathryn, Deidara, Kisame, and Kakuzu all raised their eyebrows at me.

I smiled. "I'm pregnant."

Kathryn's jaw hit the floor, Sasuke's eyes almost popped out of his head and he started making a really weird noise akin to choking, Deidara did a mixture of both. Kakuzu nodded as if he assumed that and Kisame started laughing.

"WHAT?" Kathryn demanded. "I'm going to be an aunt? Why didn't you tell me?"

I sighed. "Because I knew I would receive that reaction from you."

She looked around. "Who knew?"

"Sasori, Pein, Konan, Hidan, and Itachi knew already." I told her. "And Suigetsu. I told him yesterday."

"You told Hidan?" Kakuzu raised his eyebrow.

"No. He found out on his own." I stated. "I have no idea how he did it."

Hidan crossed his arms. "Jashin-sama told me. Plus, your fucking mood swings were getting ten times worse."

I blinked. "Well okay then."

Itachi rested his head on my shoulder. "We informed Sasori to see if the serum would have any negative effects on the baby. It didn't. And Alice's torture in Konoha miraculously did nothing to it as well. However, Sasori and I believe it was because of the chakra shields we set up around it just in case something did happen to Alice."

I pouted. "Don't call the baby an it."

"Forgive me." He apologized, kissing my cheek.

I smiled. "You're lucky you're cute." I hugged him and kissed his cheek. "I didn't realize that's what you and Sasori were doing. I thought you were just doing check-ups."

"I was." Sasori admitted. "But Itachi suggested we take precautions, and I agreed that it would be wise so we placed a number of chakra barriers around the kid to protect it."

I pointed at him. "Don't call my kid an it, damn it! Thank you though. I owe you huge." He simply waved me off.

Kisame shook his head. "We're all going to fucking die. I can already see her murdering everyone on a killing spree/mood swing spectacular."

Deidara laughed. "I can too, un." He shook his head. "You better name it after me, un."

"I already told you not to call my baby an it!" I snapped, throwing an empty vase at him that was on the table beside the bed.

"What the hell are we supposed to call _it_ then un?" Deidara questioned, dodging the ceramic piece with ninja skills. Sasori caught it with chakra strings to keep it from shattering.

I glared. "I'll kill you."

"Call it Uchiha bastard." Hidan shrugged, setting Sable down on the bed. She climbed on top of Itachi and I until she found a comfy spot on our laps. She then curled up there, allowing both of us to pet her.

Sasuke who was now over the initial shock blinked and shook his head. "Aniki."

"You're going to be an uncle!" I smiled, rumpling Sasuke's hair. "Aren't you excited?"

He stared at me before looking at Itachi, still shocked.

Itachi chuckled. "It's alright, Sasuke. We're prepared for this."

"Fifty bucks says it's a boy." Kathryn said suddenly.

"I'll take that." Suigetsu said, walking in. "Alice seems like the chick that wants a boy, but gets a girl who is the exact same as her. I can already see the child and parental fighting."

Kakuzu grunted. "I also bet it's a boy."

"Stop calling my kid an it, damn it!" I barked. "I'll fucking fight all of you."

Pein sighed. "Alice, it's alright. We are not sure of the gender yet."

"My kid shall be known as AB until further notice." I declared.

"AB?" Konan asked.

I smiled. "It's short for Akatsuki Baby. I would name my baby IJ, but that doesn't seem right. It doesn't have a ring to it."

"Let me guess, IJ stands for Itachi Junior?" Sasori assumed.

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Yes."

"What if your child happens to be a female?" He wondered.

"I'll name her Loofa." I smirked.

He glared. "You will do no such thing."

"Awe, I'm sorry. I forgot. That's your name, isn't it Sasori? I won't replace you. I'll name her IS instead." I apologized.

"IS?" He asked.

"IS stands for Idiot Sasori." I teased. He smacked the back of my head.

I pouted. "Ouch! You dick!"

Sasori, ever the smug asshole, only smirked at me and my pain.

* * *

_Alice and Sasori time makes me smile._

_**Fun Fact:** Nose prints are used to identify dogs, just like humans use fingerprints._

Answer: _Harry _Fucking_ Potter. I swear on all of Jashin's creation that I've read every single book over five times each and I can quote whole chapters to you, verbatim. It's slightly ridiculous, but having a photographic memory and an unhealthy obsession with certain things, it's also quite easy. Anyways, I read all of the Twilight saga, and I will say that the books were a good read if you're bored or something. But they're nothing in comparison to Harry Potter. The story strengths are different, as is their true meanings. Not to mention, the Twilight movies are godawful while the Harry Potter movies are amazing.  
I feel obligated to share a quote with you from one of my favorite authors, Stephen King. "Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend." _

**QotC:** _Will Alice have a boy or a girl? Also, if you want to have kids/have kids/are having a kid, which gender would you want/have/think is/would be the best? If you don't want to answer this question... Which Akatsuki member do you think would be the best/worst parent?_

_Bleh, I don't have anything fun to talk about. All of you, go read and_ review Tori-da-Mutt_'s story right now. Or I might fight you._

_But, more importantly, have a wonderful day and an amazing weekend because I love all of your faces._

_Check ya later~  
_


	96. Chapter 96

_96 freaking chapters. That's three times the length of CYK._

_However, don't worry. It won't be much longer._

_It's been fun, but I'm ready to end this piece._

_I don't own Naruto. Enjoy my wonderful readers._

* * *

"The Kyūbi brat is almost here." Kakuzu grunted, reading some scroll he snagged from Sasori. "I can sense his chakra."

"His name is Naruto, Kakuzu." Kathryn corrected, skipping by him to where Deidara was lounging on like three chairs. She glomped him, enticing a happy smile and a deep chuckle.

Kakuzu shrugged. "Whatever."

Currently, eight of us plus Sable were sitting in HQ, waiting for Naruto, Bee, Yamato, and their escort to get here. The Kage were busy recording stuff and discussing shit on the busy side of the room. Pein and Konan were over there helping them.

I was sitting between Itachi's legs against the wall that was made entirely of windows. Sasuke sat beside me and we were discussing the difference between types of tomatoes and which ones we preferred.

Kisame was sitting beside Itachi on the floor, their backs against each other so they held each other up. Sable was in his lap, listening to him as he talked quietly to her about random stuff to see her reactions. She would tilt her head to the side when he said weird shit and she would perk up if he said something she recognized.

Sasori was sitting near Deidara and Kathryn, tending to one of his puppets. Hidan was talking to Suigetsu and Jūgo about fighting tactics and various battles the three of them participated in. Karin was still down in the medical tents, helping out the medics.

"Kathryn, you should know by now that no one has a name to Kakuzu unless they are as awesome as I am." I informed her.

"I don't see why you have a name then, Alice." Sasori said meanly.

I blinked in confusion. "Who are you again?"

He glared at me.

I grinned.

"GRANDMA TSUNADE!" A familiar, loud, obnoxious voice shouted.

Sasuke and I sighed in unison. "Naruto is here."

"I suppose that means we should begin assembling for a meeting." Itachi mused.

"You should just begin taking your clothes off." I told him seriously, turning around between his legs to be able to turn to look at him from the side.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Very appropriate Alice."

I pointed at him. "See? He agrees." I tugged on the bottom of Itachi's shirt. "Come on Uchiha, take it off. Show us what you got."

Itachi stared at me for a minute before shaking his head with a sigh and kissing my forehead. "Alice, be quiet and I might reward you later. Only if you behave, however."

"Okay!" I smiled at him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

Jūgo cocked his head to the side at us. "Are we supposed to be getting ready for a meeting?

"I guess so." Kakuzu sighed. "Alice however, is ruled by her libido." He got to his feet and tossed Sasori the scroll he was reading, chuckling at my glare. "Thanks."

Sasori nodded absently as he caught it. "Don't mention it." He stood and put away his puppet before looking at Deidara and Kathryn. "Get up you two. We have things to do."

Kathryn beamed at him. "Okay Danna!"

Deidara chuckled. "Alright Danna, un."

"It's about fucking time." Hidan growled. "I was getting so fucking bored."

"You and everyone else." Kisame grunted. He set Sable down on the ground beside me as he stood with Itachi. Itachi pulled me to my feet and wrapped his arms around me, kissing me gently before nuzzling my cheek with his nose.

He loosened his hold on me for an arm around my shoulder. "I love you." He whispered in my ear.

I curled my arm around his waist and kissed his cheek when I whispered back. "I love you too."

Sasuke stood and held a calm position beside me. Suigetsu and Jūgo joined him, their focus on the Kage who were all staring at the entrance, waiting for the idiot blond to join us.

The door flew open and Naruto marched in with Killer Bee, Yamato, and Aoba in his wake.

"Grandma-Tsunade, where the hell is Sasuke? I'm going to kill that bastard." Naruto growled. "Everything he's done! All the shit I went through to get him and he just decides 'hey! I don't want to be an evil bastard anymore! I think I'll ignore everything my best friends have done for me and come back!' Where is he? I'll rip his stupid face off and stomp on it right after I rip that pole from his ass…"

We all looked at Sasuke who was glaring at Naruto.

"… And then I'll make him lick my shoes clean when I punch his stupid face for being the bastard he is…" Naruto continued to snarl.

"Hn." Sasuke cleared his throat slightly. "Dobe."

Naruto froze in mid-rant and wheeled around. He stared at Sasuke for a second before shooting over to him and punching Sasuke straight in the face. Sasuke allowed it to happen, rolling his head away so Naruto didn't break his knuckles.

Everyone there knew Sasuke could have dodged the blow with a single movement. Sasuke let Naruto hit him and everyone, even Naruto, knew it. It was Sasuke's way of apologizing to his very best friend without words.

It seems all males have this built in mechanism that allows them to communicate with violence rather than words and it means a hell of a lot more than just "I'm sorry" or "I hate you".

I pointed at them. "Who called it? I fucking called it!"

"Ouch." Suigetsu laughed. "Tough break, Sasuke."

"You guys should know not to question me. Alice knows all, bitches." I announced.

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Shut up Alice."

"Whatever. You're just jealous." I snapped.

Sasuke straightened out from Naruto's punch and raised his eyebrow at him. "Feel better?"

"NO!" Naruto shouted. "Do you have any idea how much pain you caused, Teme?"

"I am aware." Sasuke said calmly.

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "All of this was for you, you bastard!"

Sasuke sighed. "Naruto, I know. I'm sorry."

Naruto broke off his tangent and raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

"Really, Dobe." Sasuke nodded.

I elbowed Kathryn. "Yaoi! SasuNaru here we come!"

She snorted. "Jashin I hope so."

"Ew." Kisame said with disgust.

Sasuke looked around at me. "Alice, I'm not certain what that means, but I have a feeling I'm going to want to hit you because of it."

I grinned at him. "Maybe~. But I'll sick your brother on you."

"He won't stop me." Sasuke countered.

I gasped. "You'd hit a pregnant woman?"

He opened his mouth to comment before he noticed the threateningly raised eyebrow Itachi was giving him. Sasuke thought better of a comment and returned his attention to Naruto.

"Ha! Suck it, Sasuke!" I snickered. "I have Big Brother Uchiha protecting me from the likes of Emo Prince and his duck-butt hair of doom. You lack hatred, little brother!"

Sasuke and Itachi sighed in unison.

Hidan pointed at me. "Alice, shut the fuck up!"

I glared at him. "Fuck you Hidan you stupid bastard. I'll tear you to tiny pieces and-."

Sasori placed his hand over my mouth and sighed. "Alice. Mood swing."

Everyone who wasn't the Akatsuki/Taka, stared at me in utter confusion. I just ignored them in favor of going off on Hidan.

"How did we not notice she was pregnant before?" Kisame asked. "I knew her mood swings were five times worse than before."

I paused in trying to kill Hidan with words to turn and glare at Kisame. He smiled at me with his big old grin and that just made me smile. I pushed Sasori's hand off my mouth and slipped away from him.

I hugged Kisame. "I love you Kisa."

He laughed at my insanity and hugged me back. "Right back at you kid."

"He's cute." I announced.

"Alice. You're so weird." Suigetsu pointed out.

"Why thank you." I smiled.

"_You_." Naruto growled, his eyes landing on Pein. "You killed the Pervvy Sage! You destroyed Konoha! Why are you here? I should _kill you_!"

Pein blinked calmly as he assessed Naruto. "To teach Madara to know the pain I have suffered my entire life."

"Oh _please_ don't tell me you're going on one of your pain rants Pein." I sighed. "No one wants to hear it." I shook my head when he looked at me like a kicked puppy and turned to Naruto. "Naruto, I need you to listen to me."

He wheeled around to glare at me.

"I know you're upset that your master is dead and that it is hard for you to accept Pein's presence here after everything that has happened recently, but I'll have you know that shit could be so much worse." I explained. "And wipe that glare off your face young man or I'll smack it off." Naruto's glare disappeared and a few of the others present chuckled.

The blond blinked. "How so?"

"Had I not been here to alter the future, Pein would have given his life to restore the lives of those killed in the invasion of Konoha. He would have died for your cause. You are both sibling pupils of Jiraiya and so you both have the same goal." I explained. "On top of that, you would have so many more obstacles and shit would have already have hit the fan had Pein died and whatnot. So if anything, you should be thanking him for helping. Because we could have easily have went elsewhere and left you all on your own."

Naruto stared at me before looking at Pein. He did that a few times before finally landing on me. "Really?"

"Yes." I nodded. "And if you still can't find it in yourself to forgive him, after we win this war, I give you permission to beat the shit out of him."

Sasori snorted in amusement while Pein glared at me. I just beamed at him cheekily.

"So, now that everything is settled and we're all friends," I continued, "what now?"

I sighed and my eyebrow twitched as Kathryn poked my stomach, a determined look of curiosity on her face. We were sitting in the head quarters of the Shinobi Alliance, waiting for Kakashi, Sasuke, and Bee to explain to Naruto what our plans to kill Madara were in the most basic, idiot-conceivable ways.

Because… well… Naruto isn't the brightest crayon in the box despite his unJashinly (ungodly for you heathens) outfit and bright yellow hair that made me want to fight Deidara.

I sat in the middle of the room on the floor because the tables were covered in paperwork and there were about fifty people surrounding it, going over every little detail to ensure success. I would have been over there had all of the Akatsuki, namely Sasori, Hidan, Kisame, Itachi, and Pein not ordered that I go sit down and rest.

Kathryn was sitting about half a foot from me, facing me and poking my stomach while she leaned into Deidara's knees as he sat behind her, petting her hair and talking with Hidan and Ōnoki about Jashin knows what. Sable sat partially in Hidan's lap and partially on the floor, chewing on something that said Jashinist had given her.

Itachi sat beside me as well with his arm around my waist, talking to Shikaku, Kakuzu, and Sasori quietly about the various battle strategies we had come up with. Sasori was sitting next to Kathryn on the floor, simultaneously working on one of his puppets and chatting.

Kakuzu had his back pressed against Hidan's so they could keep each other up even though both of them were in different conversations. Kisame was cleaning Samehada, directly behind me to I could lean into him and stay up straight, much like the Zombie Combo. And Shikaku sat on Kathryn's other side and beside me as he talked to my baby's daddy and company.

Yeah, we like to sit in random spots. We have nothing better to do.

Pein and Konan were having a drawn out conversation with Tsunade, Gaara, and Black Kage about the forces they would be sending after the geezer Uchiha.

"Kathryn, poke my stomach again, and I'll rip your finger off." I snapped when she poked me for the millionth time.

"I'm trying to get your baby to talk to me." She pouted, leaning back into Deidara when I scolded her.

Sasori snorted, hearing her reasoning. "It's a bit too early for that, brat. Give it a few weeks." He paused, seeing my scowl. "I meant time. Not your kid, Alice."

"You better have." I growled, frowning at him and crossing my arms angrily. "Calling my baby an it… I'll shove that puppet up your ass."

He rolled his eyes. "Touchy."

"She's being as cold as ice recently." Kisame added, kissing the top of my head as he twisted slightly to smile at me. "Except for towards me."

"That's because I love you, Kisa." I smiled.

Hidan cackled. "She's the queen of ice. And she's a bitch."

Sasori chuckled. "Ice Bitch Queen?"

Hidan hissed with laughter. "Good one you puppet fucker." He pointed at me. "You have now been dubbed Ice Bitch Queen."

"I can barely contain my excitement." I deadpanned, frowning at them.

Itachi looked away from Shikaku to frown at Sasori and Hidan. "Leave her alone."

"Awe." I cooed. "He's so cute."

"You're such a pussy, Uchiha." Hidan retorted.

I glared at him. "You leave him alone you slut."

"Did she just call me a fucking slut?" Hidan demanded.

"I believe she did." Kakuzu grunted.

Hidan pointed at me. "I'll kill you." Sable bit him with a growl and he swore loudly.

"I dare you to try it." I snapped. "Jashin-sama will have your ass."

"Whatever!" He scoffed. "Jashin-sama rewards his devoted followers!"

"Yeah, which means he would reward me before he'd give you his latest shit." I retorted. "Like before, he likes tits better than dicks. And you're still lacking both!"

"Alice." Pein barked.

I looked away from a pissed off Hidan to frown at Pein. "What?"

He stared at me, not liking my disrespectful tone.

I rolled my eyes. "Sorry Pein. Yes? Can I help you?"

"That is enough." He sighed. "Don't encourage him."

I sighed. "Yes daddy."

He shook his head at my antics before returning his attention to a trio of amused Kage. I stuck my tongue out at his back.

"I saw that, Alice." He called.

I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. "Whoops." I stuck my tongue out at a snickering Deidara before pulling my phone out of my pocket and absently fiddling with it.

About a minute later, a silent alarm popped up and I frowned. I dismissed the alarm and kissed Itachi's cheek to get his attention. "Babe?"

He looked at me. "Hn?"

"I want to go walk around. I don't feel like sitting in here. I'm getting a migraine from the lighting." I sighed. He watched me for a minute before kissing my forehead.

"Alice, I need to be here to discuss plans. I don't want you walking around on your own." He stated. I could hear the concern in his voice as well as the reluctance to refuse me.

"I'll take Hidan or Kakuzu with me." I proposed. "They're not doing anything anyways." I paused when Kakuzu narrowed his eyes at me. "Well Kakuzu is. So I'll take Hidan with me."

Itachi sighed. "I would rather you didn't, but if you insist."

"I do insist." I said firmly. I kissed his temple. "I promise I'll be fine. I just need to get out of here for a little bit. If it will make you feel better, I'll conveniently stub my toe or something so you can beat the shit out of Hidan."

He chuckled. "There will be no need for that. Just keep your phone on you and call immediately if anything happens."

"Yes sexy." I smiled. I stood and kissed Kisame's head, causing said shark to grin at me. "Hidan, wanna come with me to get some fresh air?"

Hidan looked up at me and stood. "Sure bitch. Come on Sable you little demon mutt."

Sable wagged her tail happily before scampering after Hidan and I as we began our trek to the door. I stopped by the door. "Yo Pein, I gotta get out of here. I'm getting a migraine. I'll be back later."

Pein looked around and saw that Hidan was by my side. He dipped his head. "Watch over her, Hidan."

"Yes sir." Hidan nodded. He shoved the door open at the dismissal and held it open for me and Sable before following us out. I smiled and looped my arm through his when he quickened his pace to reach my side. He rolled his eyes but smirked all the same.

I leaned my head on his shoulder as we walked for a minute. "Thanks Hidan."

He shrugged. "Don't fucking mention it. I was sick of sitting on my ass anyways."

"Let's go down to the medical tents. I want to see how Jūgo and Suigetsu are doing with having to deal with Karin all day." I suggested, taking a turn to go down a path that led to the tents. Jūgo had been sent down there earlier to keep an eye on Suigetsu and Karin who had been reported for getting into an argument together that had almost gotten a little violent.

"Sable." Hidan called. Sable, who had been sniffing some plants, barked and trotted after us. She licked my hand when she reached me being the cute little thing she is.

"She's getting so big." I mused, observing Sable as she bounded forward a few feet, only to stop and investigate something while she waited for Hidan and I to catch up to her.

He grunted his agreement. "It's going to be a pain in the ass when she gets too big to carry. Then her biting will fucking hurt when you make her attack me."

I laughed. "I'll try to keep it to a minimum in future years."

"Good, Ice Bitch." Hidan teased. He chuckled when I slapped him but didn't comment further as I led him into the medical center.

I smiled and took a deep breath as we exited the path and emerged into the main clearing between various tents. My gaze flicked around curiously before barking caught my attention.

"Oi! Sable!" Hidan barked.

I looked around to see Sable running towards Neji excitedly. She jumped on him, her tail wagging furiously as she attempted to smother him with affection.

"Weird." Hidan commented. "She's never fucking done that before."

"Neji's a nice guy." I smirked. I flexed my arm in Hidan's to signal him to come with me as I approached the Hyūga. "Hello Neji."

He grinned at me, which made my smirk widen. "Hello Alice."

"I trust you're well?" I asked.

He nodded, his eyes flicking to an extremely confused looking Hidan. "I am. How are you? Is everything alright?"

"Indeed." I smiled. "Sable missed you."

Neji looked down at Sable and smiled at bit. "I missed her too. Though, it won't be much longer before this is over."

"Let's hope so." I sighed. "Do you have anything for me?"

He handed me a few folded pieces of paper. "This. I wrote it in this language so you could understand it."

I smiled. "I miss you, buddy. You and your conflicting moods."

He chuckled. "Likewise."

"Well, I should probably get Hidan away from you, or he'll notice. He isn't that stupid." I mused. Neji dipped his head and stroked Sable's head.

"I will see you around, Alice. And be careful. Our enemy is more dangerous than you think." Neji warned.

I dipped my head. "I certainly will. Please be careful yourself. And continue as planned."

Neji rumpled my hair with a smirk before he waved dismissively and began walking away from us.

I watched him disappear before looking around at Hidan who was staring at us, dumbstruck.

"What the fuck was that?" He demanded.

"Just talking with an old friend." I shrugged.

He frowned at me. "What fucking language were you just fucking speaking in?"

I smirked as I began walking in the direction of Jūgo's bright orange hair that I had just picked out, Sable at my side. I glanced over my shoulder at him as I left him standing there, gawking after me. "Spanish."

* * *

_:D_

_**Fun Fact: **Senior pictures are really boring._

Answer: _So... I'm not going to tell you what the gender(s) of Alice's baby is nor how many babies she is going to have. I've had it planned out since like chapter 50 something. Asking you guys what you thought was just for funzies. As for what I want, I want boys. I hate girls and they would hate me if I was their parent. I don't care how many boys I have, I just want some. I mean, if I have three boys and one girl, I'll be fine because then she'll have that built in mechanism where she doesn't take shit and she has protectors and whatnot. Plus, in the words of my psychology teacher: "If you have a boy, you only have to worry about one wiener. If you have a girl, you have to worry about all the wieners in town."  
I believe Itachi would be the best parent simply because of his devotion to Sasuke. It's obvious. Imagine how protected and loved Itachi's kid would be. Worst... Probably Zetsu because he would eat it.  
_

**QotC: **_What do you guys want for Christmas? It's a little early, I know. But, I'm about out of questions here._

_You guys are the best. I love you. The sheer abundance of reviews, views, readers, fan art, and support I get from you guys makes me a pleased banana. I couldn't thank you all enough._

_Answer to some reviews: I do read all of you reviews. I don't reply to some of them because A) You either have private messaging blocked. B) I intend on answering those questions when I'm finally done with the story. C) Your question is irrelevant. D) I'm too busy to respond and it just slips my mind. E) It's a question that I would consider rhetorical.  
If you guys do have questions, feel free to ask them and I will do my utmost to answer you in the best way that I can. I love talking to you guys over messages and I enjoy involving myself with you all (Hence why I ask the QotC's and all that.) I don't do these things for reviews. I do them so I can learn more about my readers. I do it because I like talking with you and hearing what you have to say about the random antics and questions I put in my author's notes. I don't give a shit about reviews. I appreciate them, more than I can explain. But I would be happy with one review or a boat load of messages.  
So, if you ask a question and I don't answer it, message me or something and ask it again or yell at me and say "Hey! I asked you a question! Go read my review on chapter _ because it's important!" because I have a lot of people on here talking to me and I get mixed up because I am rather inattentive for about 13 hours a day._

_But still. I less than three you guys and I hope you have an awesome day._

_Bye:D  
_


	97. Chapter 97

_Meep!_

_Shit's getting serious now guys:)_

_Enjoy because I don't own Naruto:D_

* * *

"Alice." A firm voice barked from somewhere near me.

I shifted in my sleep and latched onto the weasel I was sleeping essentially on. "Hn?"

"Alice you need to wake up now." The sexy voice I recognized to be Itachi's urged.

I opened my eyes and looked at him, taking in his person in full equipment and the tension in the air around me. I sighed and sat up, frowning at him and the rest of the Akatsuki who were surrounding Kathryn and I instinctually.

"What's up?" I asked, using Itachi's offered hand to get to my feet. He pulled me to his person immediately and wrapped his arms around me possessively while his Sharingan absorbed every single movement from every individual in the room.

"One of Zetsu's clones was just caught in the medical center." Itachi explained. "He could be anywhere. We're on a defensive until one of these clones is caught so I can interrogate it, or until everyone has been inspected and proved to not be an imposter."

I blinked. "Oh." I looked around. "Who did he pose as?"

"Neji Hyūga." Shikaku explained from his position by Inoichi.

I hummed to show I heard him even though… well… I'm Alice and I know everything. I glanced around until I noticed Hidan watching me with narrowed eyes. I raised my eyebrow at him but he didn't respond, instead preferring to stare at me suspiciously.

"Hidan." Sasori grunted.

The Jashinist looked at the puppet master with a glare. "What the fuck do you want, puppet bitch?"

"Why are you staring at Alice like that?" Sasori asked in a slightly defensive tone as he stepped between us.

Hidan looked at me before shaking his head. "No fucking reason. She just seems out of it. Usually she'd have fucking known what the hell Zetsu was doing already."

"She just woke up, moron." Kakuzu rumbled.

"I fucking know, dickhead." Hidan snapped. He waited for Sasori and Kakuzu to return to their previous positions before staring at me again. I smiled at him and gave him a small signal that he relaxed slightly at.

I silently asked him to trust me and wait.

Kathryn tugged on Deidara's hair. "Dei, I gotta go potty."

Deidara snickered. "Alright babe, I'll take you un." He elbowed his Danna. "Come on Danna, Kathryn has to go to the bathroom, yeah."

Sasori's eyes flicked to Pein for permission. When Pein dipped his head, Sasori broke away from the group with Deidara and Kathryn under his watchful eye. The second they left, the circle condensed shielding me further.

"I suppose they really are protective…" Kakashi mused, watching the Akatsuki with amusement.

I scoffed. "You have no idea."

Itachi kissed my forehead. "With good reason."

"Oh shut your adorable mouth." I smiled. "You're all overprotective. But, I think it's sweet so I can't complain."

Konan looked around at me and beamed. "Of course we're overprotective of you Alice. You're special to us."

I returned her smile. "I love you guys."

"We love you too, kiddo." Kisame grinned, rumpling my hair from over Itachi's shoulder. I smiled at him.

"Stop being sappy." Kakuzu growled. "We have a serious situation here. Zetsu could pop up at any minute."

"He won't." I admitted. "He's posing as a large number of other Shinobi, but he doesn't come to the head quarters."

Tsunade looked at me. "Do you know which ones?"

"Yes." I nodded. "The one who takes them out originally is Naruto and Bee. Should we leave that to them?"

"It might be wise…" Ōnoki mused.

"It might." Pein agreed. "However, it also could be a weakness. There is no telling how much Madara and Zetsu might know. It might be better to switch it up and send in other people to take out the clones and allow the Kyūbi and the Hachibi to focus on the more pressing enemies."

I wrapped my arms around Itachi as he stroked my hair and rested my chin on his shoulder as I looked at Pein. "The main issue now would be Madara. The resurrected Shinobi are all taken care of now that Kabuto is gone. Madara is going to need a lot of people to take him down."

"Alice is correct." Sasuke nodded. "Even if we were to send Naruto after Madara now, he would need a lot of backup. So, it's pointless to wait and allow more casualties. I will go with Naruto and we will remove Zetsu's clones while everyone here finishes up the preparations to go and kill Madara. When you have a set plan, let us know and we will meet you there."

Itachi stiffened at the thought of his baby brother being in danger. I kissed his chin. "Itachi, Sasuke is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He'll be alright."

Itachi relaxed a little, but there was no way even I would be able to ease his worry completely. Itachi will forever be overprotective over the few beings in the world he cares for. Sasuke and I were obviously the main focus.

"I'll talk to him when he gets back from checking on Sakura." Sasuke confirmed when Pein dipped his head in agreement.

"Sasuke, before your brother has an aneurism, assure him you'll be fine." I muttered.

Sasuke glanced around at us before smiling slightly at the deadpan scowl Itachi was giving me. "I'll be fine, Nii-san. I promise."

Itachi looked at his brother before sighing reluctantly. "Very well Sasuke."

I glanced over my shoulder at Kathryn's return with her artists before smiling. "Kat, give me your iPod."

She pulled it out of her pocket and handed it to me. "What for?"

"Are you alright with parting with this for a little bit?" I asked, bouncing it in my hands.

She cocked her head to the side. "Yeah. I only keep it on me just in case my phone dies or something."

"Good because I'm sending it with Sasuke so Itachi won't give birth to an alpaca." I nodded in approval as I tossed the device to Sasuke. "You know how to reach me, Sasuke."

Sasuke chuckled at my words and slipped the iPod into his pocket. "Thank you Alice. I'll be sure to return this to you Kathryn. And Aniki, I'll be fine. Stop frowning at Alice like that. You know she's right."

Itachi sighed and shook his head. "Whatever you say, otouto."

I patted Itachi's chest and kissed him. "You're cute."

"Here comes the kid, un." Deidara announced, his eyes focused on the door as he allowed Kathryn to snuggle against him like some sort of mentally challenged kitten.

We all looked around as Naruto burst into the room like he owned the place with Bee at his side. Sable barked at him and plopped her furry butt right beside Sasuke, knowing Naruto was going to go to him.

"Sakura-chan is alright, Grandma." Naruto announced. He punched Sasuke's shoulder and stopped beside his best friend as he beamed at his leader with determination in his eyes. Sasuke glared at Naruto's punching but occupied himself with the attention-seeking wolf at his side. "So are you going to let me go and kick this guy's ass?"

"Naruto and I will defeat this foo fo sho, hoe." Bee agreed, wiggling around to some unknown beat. I snickered.

Tsunade stared at Bee when his rapping ruined the moment before she looked at Naruto. "Yes. You, Sasuke, and Bee-sama will be leaving to go and destroy all of the imposters. However, save your energy because the plans to destroying Madara are almost completely ironed out."

"Awesome!" Naruto cheered. "Isn't this great Sasuke?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes at Naruto's enthusiasm. "Calm down, Dobe."

"Shut up Teme!" Naruto snapped, suddenly angry and glaring at Sasuke. Amusement could be seen in his eyes though so everyone knew he was ecstatic and amused. Sasuke's stoic Uchiha expression also showed some signs of those very same emotions.

"Let's roll out, make them posin' clones pout!" Bee announced, pointing at Naruto with his pencil and adjusting his sunglasses.

"I want to kill it." Sasori growled from beside me.

I snorted. "Shut up Sasori."

"I cannot handle this level of stupidity." He hissed. "It's torture."

"He'll be gone in a minute. Shut up." I snickered.

He huffed something about "not soon enough" as he turned his back on me to scold Kathryn and Deidara about being cuddly in occupied rooms.

Kathryn pouted at the scolding and Deidara stuck his tongue out at his master. I grinned and called over to him. "Don't worry guys. He's just directing his misplaced anger at you. He doesn't mean it."

"You would be surprised." Sasori threw back at me.

"After dealing with your ugly mug for so long, nothing surprises me anymore." I pointed out.

"That's not what you said last night." He reminded me teasingly.

I mocked horror. "You said you wouldn't bring that up ever again."

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Whoops."

"You asshole." I hissed.

"Your words wound me." He faked pain and clutched his heart lazily.

I smirked. "That's not the only thing that wounds you, Sasori." I said seductively, throwing him a wink.

He chuckled. "The same could be said in regards to you."

"Kinky." I said dreamily.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?" Hidan demanded.

Sasori and I returned to reality and we noticed everyone was staring at us in amusement, horror, confusion, and exasperation.

I laughed. "Is that a rhetorical question or would you like to take a seat? This could take a while if you're serious about getting an answer to that."

Sasori chuckled. "A long while. Probably years just for Alice alone."

"Centuries for Sasori, of course." I added.

He smirked. "Yep."

"That is enough out of the pair of you." Pein finally sighed. "I'm tired of it."

"You're just mad because you aren't one of us. You do not grasp the concept of excessive sarcasm and wit." I pointed out. "Get on our level, my fearless Leader."

Pein stared at me, ignoring Sasori's amused snickering. "Alice."

I grinned. "Yes?"

"Be quiet." He sighed.

I saluted. "Yes sir!"

Tsunade laughed lightly at our antics. "The bond between all of you is completely unexpected."

"It wouldn't be if you listened to me back in the day." I coughed. "I pretty much spelled it out to you guys." I wrapped my arms around Itachi's neck and rubbed my nose against his affectionately. "But, what's done is done, and here we are, planning on kicking some psycho geezer Uchiha ass."

* * *

"I am determined to show Killer Bee some of Eminem's lyrics." Kathryn said to someone. I wasn't really paying attention. I was reading the Naruto chapters intently. I had to refrain from doing it too much near the non-Akatsuki ninjas so I was catching up.

It was so intense. They were finally going to show who was in the mysterious coffin that Kabuto summoned. I knew it wouldn't do anything at this point because he was dead now, but I was still interested to see who it would have been.

It was kind of surreal, reading about events in this world that could have happened if I hadn't been here. It was mind boggling really and yet, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I skimmed over the page, taking in the beautiful pictures drawn by Kishimoto and absorbing the dialogue before I clicked next for the next page, my entire body tense with anticipation as to see who this zombified person was.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I shouted, standing up suddenly and gawking at my phone. I held it at arms' length as if it was going to explode on me and I stared at it like it just sprouted wings and did a cartwheel.

Sable jumped to her feet by my side and started growling, looking around for whatever had made me flip a shit. If I hadn't been flipping a shit over Tobi, I would have flipped a shit about her being adorable and protective because she's such a good girl!

Itachi zipped over to me while everyone else looked at me, suddenly on alert. He looked at me with concern in his eyes, taking my face into his hands. "Alice? What's wrong? What happened?"

I showed him my phone. "Tobi isn't Madara. He's fooled us all."

His eyes widened. "What?"

"The hell are you saying?" Hidan demanded, tossing a ball for Sable across the room. She ran chasing after it like the cute thing she is, completely dropping her protective aura.

I waved him off as I walked over to Pein, dragging a shocked Itachi behind me. I handed him my phone. "Had I not been here to fuck up the chain of events, Kabuto would have resurrected Madara. The man we thought was Madara is actually some other unknown asshole."

Pein stared. "Well shit."

I laughed before pointing at Madara's picture in my phone. "Do you know what this _means_?"

He blinked and looked up at me. "What does it mean?"

"It means I have _another_ Uchiha to fangirl over." I hissed. "I mean do you see how hot he is?" I demanded. Itachi's worried expression fell instantly and he sighed with an eye roll. Sasori smacked his forehead and Kakuzu shook his head in exasperation. Kisame, Kathryn, Deidara, and Hidan laughed at me. Konan smiled and Pein sighed.

And those poor non-Akatsuki members just stared at me like I was insane. Shikaku looked amused and Kakashi was smirking beneath that mask of his. Tsunade looked amused but also shocked at the same time. The Raikage and Ōnoki looked disturbed but confused about whether or not they should be concerned.

Itachi sighed. "Alice."

"I know it's inappropriate because I'm pregnant with another man's baby but holy shit. For being over a hundred years old, Madara is a good looking dude." I stated. I looked over my shoulder at Itachi. "You are the only person who will ever have my heart Itachi. But, just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't look at the menu."

Kisame snorted and Deidara and Hidan cackled as they caught on to what I meant. Pein cracked a smile along with Sasori and Kakuzu while Itachi just stared at me, amusement hidden in his breathtaking features.

"On a side note, this does mean we know less about the asshole posing as Madara." I mused before dropping my voice to a whisper. "But, he doesn't have the Rinnegan like he does in the storyline." I crossed my arms and chewed on the inside of my lip like I always did when I was thinking. "However, from what I know, he had a shitload of trouble trying to kill Konan. If you guys work together, I have no doubt in my mind that you'll defeat him regardless. We have the advantage. All you need to do is stick to the plans we came up with and remember what I told you."

"Alice, you're so weird." Kathryn told me, muffling her giggles. "On second you're ranting about Madara being sexy and then you go all serious and get down to business."

I waved her away. "Tell me something I don't know. I have hormones and I don't know what to do with them." I crossed my arms and cocked my hip as I shifted the majority of my weight to my right leg. "I want Madara as a pet now. I kinda wish he would have been resurrected so I could have kept him."

"You do realize he would have killed you in a heartbeat right?" Kakuzu questioned.

"Yeah. I know." I shrugged. "But, it would be worth it as long as I got to pet his hair at least once." I smirked and looked around at Itachi. "I suppose I'll just have to settle for Itachi's gorgeous hair."

Ōnoki raised an eyebrow at me. "There is something seriously wrong with you."

Sasori scoffed. "You have absolutely _no_ idea."

"Sasori, be nice." Kisame scolded.

I stuck my tongue out at Sasori and sauntered over to Kisame to latch onto him. He snickered at that and picked me up so he could hug me properly. I kissed his cheek and hugged his neck. "My shark."

He chuckled. "Yep."

Everyone then decided to forget me and Kisame existed while they tried to be productive. Kisame and I just entertained ourselves by growling at each other and giving each other mustaches with my hair.

Yeah, we're cool. This is love.

Don't judge me and my shark.

* * *

_Excuse any and all typos please. I'm kind of in a hurry._

_**Fun Fact: **My brother is like a bear. He's fuzzy and he sleeps longer and heavier than anything I've ever seen._

Answer: _I want the first two Digimon series, or Red vs. Blue on DVD. Other than that, I don't care._

**QotC: **_How was your thanksgiving if you celebrated it. If not, is there anything you're looking forward to?_

_Yeah, I love you guys._

_But, I gotta go. I'll add in the things I wanted to talk about in the next chapter because I don't have time today._

_See ya._


	98. Chapter 98

_98 Chapters._

_Enjoy lovelies._

_It won't be much longer._

_I do not own Naruto._

* * *

"The only thing we have to worry about at this point would be Zetsu alerting Tobi of our approach." Sasori stated.

We were sitting or standing in HQ around the main table, doing last minute reviews over the general plan and various strategies they would be using. The Akatsuki and the various ninjas from other nations who were going to help take Madara out were here. The only ones who were not present were Naruto, Sasuke, and Bee.

"No you won't." I muttered, picking at my nails with a kunai.

Kakuzu raised his eyebrow. "What do you mean we won't?"

"Zetsu won't be a problem." I shrugged. "Trust me."

Hidan frowned at me from his place between Deidara and Kisame and behind Kakuzu. Deidara stood behind Kathryn and Sasori sat beside her. "What do you know, bitch?"

I smirked and glanced up at him. "I know everything, Hidan."

"Alice." Pein frowned.

"Zetsu isn't a threat to you guys." I repeated. "That's all I have to say."

Itachi's arm around my waist tightened a bit possessively as everyone stared at me and I distinctly felt Kisame shift closer behind me. I leaned further into my weasel and he relaxed a bit, burying his nose into my hair.

"Alright, so when do we leave?" Shikamaru asked. He was going along with Neji, Gaara, Kankuro, and Temari. All of the Akatsuki would be going including Suigetsu, Jūgo, and Karin. Sakura was going for medical purposes. Kakashi, Yamato, Sai, and Gai were going, as was Darui and C. There were a few people from the other villages too, but they aren't cool enough to be mentioned.

"As soon as you're ready." Black Kage announced.

"I'm ready. Let's get a fucking move on. I'm bored as shit." Hidan barked.

"Have patience, Hidan." Kakuzu scolded.

Sasori shook his head, glancing up from Sable who was sitting under the table, chewing on Kathryn's shoe laces. "No, I agree with him. I'm sick of waiting."

"You're _always_ sick of waiting, un." Deidara smirked.

"That's because I have a lazy partner like you, brat." Sasori jibbed.

I laughed. "Ouch."

Deidara's eyes narrowed. "I take my time so I don't have to deal with you as long, yeah."

"Double ouch." I snickered.

Kathryn pouted. "Don't fight. Danna, Dei, be nice please."

Deidara and Sasori both winced at Kathryn's pleading pout and looked away from each other with stubborn huffs. Kisame snickered at them while Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Pein will be leading the assault." Tsunade explained. "Just as planned. If he should go down, the command shall be passed to Konan."

Konan dipped her head, her hand brushing against Pein's subtly. I smiled at their methods and leaned back into my chair, smiling wider when my head came to rest against Kisame's torso. He was standing behind my chair protectively while Itachi and Kakuzu sat on either side of me.

Kisame noticed my head because he started petting my head gently with one hand while his other rested on my shoulder possessively.

Pein stood and looked over the troops that would soon be under his command. "Prepare yourselves both physically and mentally. We will leave within the hour. This will not be easy, but if we work together and follow the plan, we will hopefully take down Tobi will little to no casualties and end this war. Then we shall have peace."

All of the ninjas bowed and backed away from the table to go and check their equipment, or pump themselves up for the fight ahead. Itachi stood as soon as the table pretty much cleared and he grabbed my hand.

I blinked and looked up at him. "Hmm?"

"Come here." He stated. Sable's ears perked at the order and she was instantly on her feet, wagging her tail and waiting for Itachi to start moving.

Shrugging, I tossed Deidara back his kunai and trailed after Itachi. He pulled me over to the window and wrapped his arms around me as soon as we were somewhat alone. I smiled at this and curled my own arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest. Sable sat down beside our feet, looking around at the other ninjas in the room.

"I love you." He whispered.

I hummed in approval. "I love you too, Itachi.

He nuzzled my head before kissing my hair. I looked up at him, getting the message, and allowed him to kiss me properly. I returned the gesture, feeling utterly happy because of the love and pride that he was sending to me through the kiss. I sent my own back and I felt him smile a bit.

When we broke apart he put his hands on either side of my face and pressed his forehead to mine so he could look in my eyes. "Wait for me, yes?"

"Forever." I said in a cheesy manner. I internally punched myself in the face for the mushiness, but I quickly got over it. "Come back to me quickly. And don't you _dare_ get hurt or you will regret it the next time I see you."

He chuckled and cracked a smile. "I promise."

"Good." I smiled. I put my hands on his face and stroked his cheek with my thumb. "I love you. Usually I'd say that I'd want to have your babies, but I'm already in the process of doing that so it would be redundant."

Itachi's gaze softened and his eyes flicked to my stomach before he allowed one of his hands to curl around my waist and pin me to his person. The other hand stayed on my cheek, keeping my eyes from leaving his.

"I look forward to having a family with you." He breathed, rubbing his nose against mine.

"I look forward to having a larger family with you." I corrected. "The Akatsuki is a wonderful family in itself. Having a kid running around who looks like you will be nice, however even though I hate kids." I smiled and let go of one side of his face to pat the head of my fuzzy baby that was sitting by my side loyally. "Not to mention, we have our baby Sable."

"You will be a wonderful mother." He smirked. "It's obvious. And no, I don't mean by how much you spoil Sable."

"Yeah, you're being gooey." I laughed. "And don't worry, you'll be the best father in existence. That is fact."

He rolled his eyes before staring at me again, his nose occasionally brushing against my own as he gaze into my eyes.

"Do you need to double check your things?" I wondered.

He shook his head ever so slightly. "I did it just before the meeting started. I had extras of everything I might need. And, with my sickness being gone, the amount of soldier pills I have seems to be a bit much. I will be fine."

"Don't over use your eyes. Let Sasuke do some Susano'o for you if you need to." I ordered. He hned his understanding but didn't comment.

"So, what did you mean about Zetsu?" He asked.

I smiled. "Just trust me, Itachi."

"I do trust you. I trust you more than I trust anyone else." He stated. "However, it does not satisfy my curiosity."

I kissed his nose. "Curiosity killed the cat."

"The cat also has eight more lives to spare." Itachi countered. He kissed me before I could respond and his eyes flicked to someone behind me as he pulled me closer to his person.

"Let me say goodbye to the kid." Kisame's wonderful voice ordered. "You can't hog her all the time."

"I begged to differ." Itachi said smartly.

I snickered into his chest. "Itachi, while I agree with you about you hogging me, I would like to be with Kisame on occasion."

"Fine." He sighed. I rolled my eyes at the amusement in his expression as he let me go and I latched onto my shark almost instantly. Kisame chuckled at me and picked me up off the ground and held me tightly.

"Be careful, Kisa." I whispered. "I wouldn't be able to take it if something happened to you. Don't get hurt and watch out for Itachi and the others. But, watch out for yourself first."

He smiled as he hugged me. "I will kiddo. You be careful and you stay with Kathryn at all times. We're leaving you with that Nara kid's old man and the Hokage, but please, stay safe."

"I promise." I muttered. I kissed his cheek and allowed him to do the same to me before he put me down. The second he did, Itachi pulled me back to his person from behind and kept a firm grip around me. I grabbed Kisame's hand and held it as I watched everyone else.

Kathryn was off in the corner, hugging Deidara and they were being all couplish together. Deidara was chuckling as Kathryn rambled about something adamantly. He would soothe her with a kiss at random intervals and distract her from whatever she was worrying about. After a minute, they hugged and Kathryn kept a firm grip on Deidara's waist until Sasori walked over to them.

She released Deidara to glomp her Danna and she instantly started ranting into his ear as she hugged him. He rolled his eyes and spoke to her in what I'm sure was an annoyed tone. However, his eyes told me that the tone he was using was solely to soothe her because he looked reluctant to leave her.

It was so cute and uncharacteristic of the emotionlessly sarcastic puppet we all know and love.

After a minute of her attacking him, she kissed his cheek and he patted her head. She then latched back onto Deidara, keeping a tight grip on Sasori.

"Oi, Ice Bitch." A familiar Jashinist barked.

I looked around and saw Hidan walking towards me with Kakuzu trailing behind him slightly. I smiled at him as he approached. "Hey Hidan."

He grinned at me and pulled me away from Kisame and Itachi in order to give me a back breaking hug. I laughed and returned the gesture, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Be careful buddy and make Jashin-sama proud."

"You bet your ass I will." He cackled when he set me down. He rumpled my hair. "You keep an eye on the skinny bitch and watch yourself while we're fucking gone."

I kissed his cheek. "I will Hidan. You keep yourself safe and watch out for the others too."

He smirked at me before looking at Itachi. "Hey, she kissed me Uchiha. You better not fucking try and kill me for that."

"I'll think about it." Itachi growled.

"Itachi." I scolded. "Don't be mean."

He shrugged while Kisame snickered.

"Come here you money grubber." I ordered, pointing to the ground in front of me. I had a small seizure of cuteness overload when Sable ran over to sit exactly where I had pointed. I forgot about Kakuzu for a second to smother her with praise and love that she soaked up gratefully.

"Alice." Kakuzu coughed.

I stopped making a fool of myself with my puppy and turned to Kakuzu. I shooed Sable towards Hidan who was tackled to the ground complete with vicious swearing, and then latched onto the miser.

Kakuzu chuckled once and curled an arm around my shoulders in a sad imitation of a hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist as best as I could. "I love you Kakuzu."

He patted my head with his other hand. "I know."

Kakuzu doesn't love anything but money.

And Hidan. But that's something that can't be said unless I want to be tossed over a cliff.

"You better be careful. No more hearts are allowed to be lost." I ordered, poking his chest. "And keep an eye on your idiot partner and the rest of these misfits."

He chuckled louder this time. "Will do. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."

"I'll be sure not to." I promised.

"Shiny!"

Kakuzu and I looked around just in time to see Kathryn koala-cling to Hidan. Hidan caught her with a wild grin only he was capable of. He hugged her as she hugged him.

"Hey bitch." Hidan smirked.

"You better be careful." Kathryn muttered into his neck. "I need my partner in violent crime."

Hidan's smile softened slightly and he squeezed my best friend. "I will. You listen to Ice Bitch and fucking good."

"Aye, Aye Captain!" Kathryn beamed as she let him go. I watched her with a smile as she startled Itachi by randomly glomping him. When he realized who was latched onto him from behind, his narrowed eyes relaxed and he returned Kathryn's hug calmly, saying a few words and poking her forehead.

Needless to say, she freaked out by reglomping Itachi and cheering that she had been "Weasel Poked". Her ranting was cut off when Kisame forcibly detached her from Itachi so he could hug her. I shook my head at her antics and looked around for my own victim of goodbye.

My next fond farewell was directed at Konan who discussed boys and their strange habits with me. I made her promise to be careful and threatened her with embarrassing alternatives if she didn't. She made me promise to be good and safe and threatened me with Uchiha separation if I didn't. I obviously promised her I would.

I love Konan. She's so cute.

Jūgo was after Konan and I hugged him and I threatened him with the "be safe or I'll kill you" thing while he promised me he would be careful but only if I promised him I would be too. We made our promises and I moved onto Suigetsu. He just told me to move on after letting me hug him. We made promises to party after getting rid of Tobi and that was the extent of our farewells.

I went onto Pein next and we basically had seizures at each other with all of the twitching and signaling we did. Once we were done being our weird selves, I glomped him, assured him I loved him, ordered that he be safe and took care of the rest of my bitches. He agreed and advised that I not embarrass his organization unless I wanted to suffer the wrath of god (him).

I told him to stop being crazy, hugged him again before tackling a blond bomber to the ground.

"Deidara!" I cheered as I knocked him to the ground.

"Alice un!" He shouted with shock as we crashed into the ground. He cushioned my fall skillfully so I didn't get hurt. "You're not supposed to do stuff like that with a baby, un!"

I waved him off. "Shutty. I'm fine." I hugged him as he sat up and got to his feet. He returned the gesture, laughing at my antics. "I love you Dei."

"I love you too Al." He told me. "Take care of Kathryn for me while I'm gone alright? And don't hurt anyone, un."

I smirked. "As long as they don't have yellow hair like yours, they'll be fine."

He chuckled. "Fair enough." He patted my head which caused me to rant about him drooling in my hair. Kisame and Hidan were close when this happened and they only served to make it worse for him. He protested loudly to that.

"Shut up brat, you'll be making my ears bleed soon." Sasori growled as he smacked Deidara in the back of the head lightly.

"Ouch Danna, yeah!" Deidara whined.

"Danna!" Kathryn scolded. "Awe, my poor Deidei. Here, come here, I'll make it better."

Sasori rolled his eyes at their gooey behavior and turned to me. I smirked at him and he returned it. He rumpled my hair. "Take care, Ice Queen."

"You too, Loofa." I replied, rumpling his hair in return. "Damn are you short."

His eyes narrowed. "Don't make me kick your ass in front of everyone."

"I wouldn't want you to embarrass yourself, Sasori." I countered.

"It is a bit embarrassing that I would have to fight someone like you in the company of others. You should be in the kitchen." The redhead countered.

I laughed. "Ah! Breaking out the women in the kitchen jokes are we? Well sir, I'll have you know that if I was _forced_ to stay in the kitchen, I'd poison everyone's food just out of spite."

"I don't eat, therefore I'm not intimidated." He shrugged.

"I can always do it during our alone time." I suggested.

He scoffed. "You are far too busy to even consider killing me."

I smirked. "Yeah, I have to keep myself from puking because of your face and your disgusting stench."

Sasori feigned pain. "Low blow."

"I've gone lower." I teased.

"Indeed you have." He smirked.

"Someone separate them before they go off on their own little island again." Pein ordered, pointing at us. "We're leaving. Let's go."

A loud series of laughter sounded from the Akatsuki, Kathryn, and everyone else who had seen me and Sasori go off on our daily tangents of sarcasm. We even had an audience once for one of our bigger ones. We draw a crowd.

I pouted when people laughed at me before smiling at a thoroughly amused Sasori. I threw a hug on him real quick. "Bye Danna. Be safe."

"I always am." He assured me. He returned the hug slightly before hugging Kathryn quickly and dragging Deidara away by his ear. Said bomber, like always, protested a little _too_ loudly. Sasori was quick to remind him to use his inside voice with a smack to the back of his head.

I hugged and kissed Itachi and Kisame once more before my boys left me.

I walked after them with Sable, joining Kathryn by the door to the head quarters. She grabbed my hand when I reached her and squeezed it. I squeezed back, my other hand resting on Sable's head.

We stood there together, watching our criminals disappear.

* * *

_Yeah..._

_**Fun Fact:** Oprah Winfrey makes $10 per second._

Answer: _My Thanksgiving was alright. I think it was the first year ever that wasn't full of vicious family fighting. So... yeah. Plus, I got to see my brother so that's always good. I'm looking forward to this Saturday which is my friend Brandon's birthday. Also, December 21st because I get out of school for Winter Break, and it's the day before Louis and Brett come back to Ohio for Christmas. XD I miss them._

**QotC: **_Texting, calling, email, telepathically, paging, letter, or in person? Which form of communication do you prefer? Why do you prefer that type? Is there different situations that you like one more than the other? _

_Do not ask me why I'm asking that question. In short: Sethy-Poo and I were having an extreme conversation about all that stuff today and it made me curious._

_Alright, Topic numero uno: We are in the last few chapters of this story. No, there will not be anymore couples in this story. Why would you ask? I don't really like OC stories that much as it is unless they're well written and amusing. I have no interest in having any more than one or two OCs as main focuses in the two stories I've written. Thus why Brett and Louis went bye bye. That might also be why I quit writing Snatched. I find it rather kind of you to want your OC to be involved in my story, but I also find it annoying when you ask me to do it. I have no problem with you writing your own story based on this one. (Seeing as there are like five of you who are) Go right ahead. Just let me know before hand so I can go read it:)_

_Topic number two: You guys almost got to read my _Tragedy of Othello_ essay for my AP Literature class. Because I'm OCD, I use the same document for things I'm going to upload to the internet/email so I don't have to make a billion other documents. It's under the title 2 because it's the second numbered document I made and I use it to upload chapters of this story, my oneshots, my beta chapters, and essays and stuff. I have a total of like... 50 documents in my laptop. One is for college essays and scholarship essays. Another is for my characters and their profiles and a separate one is for story ideas all separated neatly. One is for document uploads, and the other 46 or so are all story documents that hold stories (Only like 3 are fanfictions)._

_Topic Three: I hate pathetic people. It makes me want to fight something. Don't ask people for something unless you're going to give back to them. Also, don't make excuses for shit. If you don't do your homework, tell your teacher you didn't do it and leave it at that. Don't bullshit your way out of trouble. If you need someone to do something for you, just ask them to do it and give them an "I owe you". Don't make up a list of shit about why you need them to do it. My grandmother does this and I want to slam her face through a window every time she does it._

_Topic Four! I have a total of seven pillows on my bed and each one has their own proper spot and use. I also have two blankets. Sometimes, I have a big fat Golden Retriever named Dolly on there too, but that's only when she can build the motivation to jump on my bed. It might seem weird, but I use all my pillows and blankets. I freak out when I don't have them. My sister took one while I was at school and as soon as I walked in my bedroom, I felt an absence and walked straight into my sister's room. I grabbed my pillow, smacked her in the face with it, and then returned to my room:) I'm extreme. Leave me alone.  
_

_I think at this point, we have established that I am not _in love _with any of you guys, so I'm not even going to bother saying "I love you, but not in an intimate way". No. I love you guys and you know it's not creepy so deal with it and accept my love._

_Any and all questions you guys have will either be answered during later chapters, last chapter, or personally by me. I apologize for not responding if I haven't. Feel free to message me or email me or review or something if you still have an unanswered question. :)_

_Farewell._


	99. Chapter 99

_I'm updating early because I will not be able to tomorrow._

_There's a lot of shit going down in my personal life so bare with me please._

_Enjoy._

* * *

**Third Person!**

Itachi's eyebrow twitched for the tenth time that day as the company of allied Shinobi traveled through the woods towards Tobi's location.

However, Itachi wasn't the only one with a twitching eyebrow.

Pein, Konan, Sasori, Kakuzu, Kisame, Deidara, Kakashi, Shikamaru, Gaara, Temari, and a few various other ninjas were all also thoroughly annoyed.

Aka, basically the entire Tobi Assassination Squad…

And it was all Hidan's fault.

"Gah! I'm so fucking bored!" Hidan complained loudly as he ran after Kakuzu. "Are we fucking there yet?"

Kakuzu resisted the urge to bring down the forest on Hidan's idiotic and loud-mouthed person. "For the millionth time you moronic waste of space: _No_ we are not there yet. Shut the hell up before I rip you to pieces and shove you in a giant hole in the middle of a forest."

"Amen." Sasori grunted. "Annoying pest."

Hidan pointed at Kakuzu. "Hey, fuck you Kakuzu you money whore! I'll fucking kill you!" He glared at Sasori. "And you shut the fuck up!"

Pein glared over his shoulder. "Hidan. Do _not_ make me come back there. Or you _will_ regret it."

Hidan's eyes narrowed but he didn't comment. He clamped his mouth shut and growled angrily when a few people sighed with relief. He kind of wanted to be extremely loud just to piss people off, but the glare his Leader sent his way sent a shiver down his spine.

Kakashi glanced at Itachi who he was running beside. "Is he always like that?"

Itachi rolled his eyes. "He is usually a lot worse."

Sakura blinked. "How is that possible?"

"Usually, we don't have Leader to threaten him into shutting up." Kisame explained from behind them. "Leader's usually in his office running Ame with Konan so he leaves us to do whatever the hell we want around base. Naturally, that leads to some evens that make some of us… a little excited and loud."

"Some of us get a little louder than others, un." Deidara smirked. "That's usually me, Kathryn, Alice, and Hidan yeah."

Kisame grunted his agreement. "Deidara blows stuff up. Kathryn, just gets excited about Deidara blowing stuff up. Alice wrestles with Deidara, has a mood swing, or yells at us for something. When Hidan gets loud, he never shuts up. The only ones who actually get Hidan to shut his mouth are Kakuzu, Itachi and Alice. Though, they all have to resort to violence."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Because he's an idiot." Sasori grunted from a head of them.

"Alice also gets really perverted and as you've seen her and Danna can get really into their sarcasm battles, yeah." Deidara snickered.

Yamato coughed to hide his amusement. "So I've seen."

"Leader!" Karin called. "Sasuke-kun and the Jinchūriki are coming in from the east. We'll intercept them in exactly two minutes as planned if we keep up this pace."

Pein's eyes flicked to the sensor in the middle of their procession. "Good work, Karin."

C in the front behind Pein, relayed the information as he too picked up on the chakra signatures of Naruto, Sasuke, and Killer Bee. Neji, who was placed strategically in the back, traced the three men as they raced towards the intersecting point.

Itachi's Sharingan flared as he caught his brother's chakra signature and he searched for the familiar hairdo of his sibling. He suppressed a sigh of relief as he saw that Sasuke was unharmed. It was obvious that he hadn't been too taxed from his job, but a soldier pill wouldn't hurt.

"Otouto." Itachi called as Sasuke, Naruto, and Bee merged with the strategically scattered main force. Sasuke glanced in the direction of Itachi's voice and he broke off from his mini group of Naruto and Bee to see what his brother wanted.

"What is it, Nii-san?" Sasuke wondered.

Itachi pulled a soldier pill from the pouch on his belt and handed it to Sasuke. "Use this when you feel it necessary. I don't want you crashing in this fight. If you ever feel you need more, come find me immediately. Do not exhaust your chakra and stay close to me."

"Alright." Sasuke nodded. He accepted the radio given to him by Sasori with a dip of his head before drifting away from the group once more.

Kakashi, Yamato, Sai, and Sakura broke off from the small group consisting of Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, and Deidara. They jumped through the trees until they reached Naruto and Bee. Yamato and Gai went with Bee and Naruto while Kakashi, Sai and Sakura drifted back to find their previously planned formation.

Sasuke found Karin and took his spot in front of her and Suigetsu with Jūgo directly behind the three of them.

The attack force was running in variously placed groups. C and Darui ran with Pein and Konan in the front. Gaara was with his siblings and Baki while Kakuzu and Hidan were with Shikamaru and Neji, and the various other groups were made up of four ninjas, evenly spaced out in order to maintain stealth and speed. But, they were close enough to have communication with the radios Kathryn and Sasori had enhanced for them.

Sasuke turned on the radio and turned up the volume a bit. "Aniki."

Itachi's eyes flicked towards Sasuke's direction curiously before he pressed the radio on his neck to respond. "Hn?"

"Something was off about Zetsu." Sasuke stated. "He didn't put up a fight at all."

Hidan's eyes narrowed as he overheard the conversation.

Pein frowned. "Did he say anything to you, Sasuke?"

"He said good luck." Sasuke explained, his eyes narrowed with suspicion.

Naruto decided to join in the conversation. "He also said to tell Alice hi."

"I knew she wasn't telling us something." Hidan growled. "Ice Bitch has been hiding something."

"What do you mean?" Jūgo wondered.

Hidan avoided a tree trunk before answering. "When I took her down to the medical tents a few days before we left, she met up with that Hyūga kid."

"Hinata?" Neji asked, not recalling a time when he and Alice spoke in the medical areas.

"No. You fucktard." Hidan snapped.

Neji's eyes narrowed. "I never talked to Alice near the medics."

"I was just getting ready to tell them that." Hidan growled.

"Calm down idiot." Kakuzu sighed. "Continue."

Hidan huffed. "Well, she started talking to the Hyūga bastard, but I didn't understand a damn word she was saying. It was like she was speaking in a different fucking language."

Sasori's eyes widened. "Was she speaking in Spanish?"

"That's what she said." Hidan muttered. "And Sable was acting weird as hell around the kid too. She was acting like she missed him or some shit."

Konan glanced at Pein. "It might have been Zetsu. She taught him Spanish along with Sasori and Itachi."

"Something is off about this." Kisame stated. "Alice said not to worry about Zetsu. Maybe he was spying on Tobi for her."

Pein hummed. "It's possible, but be cautious nonetheless. We don't know for sure that this isn't a trap. We must stay on our toes and be ready for anything. We cannot be too careful against Tobi."

Itachi frowned. "Alice wouldn't do that."

"I agree Itachi." Pein nodded. "But, we can't rule it out completely. Alice does strange things and there's no telling if Tobi persuaded her to do something."

Sasori scoffed. "If that's the case, I demand to know how he did that."

Deidara laughed. "Me too un."

"Alice is the most stubborn thing out there." Kisame said fondly.

Konan smiled. "Focus guys. We're getting close."

"I want radio silence from here on out." Pein muttered into the radio. "Be silent unless it's an emergency or an update on the enemy's movement."

There was some fizz as various people shut off their microphones but kept their earplugs up to catch the faintest whisper.

Silence ensued, not even the movement of leaves was heard. The only noise each ninja could hear was the whistle of the wind as they sped through the trees.

However, the silence was suddenly broken by C. "I've locked onto a chakra signature. It's Tobi's there's no doubt about it. We'll be on top of him in three minutes at this pace. From what I can tell, there is no other presence and he isn't alert of our approach."

"Team A charge in, take him by surprise swiftly." Pein continued. "Those instructed before hand to stay out of sight, stay hidden and come in at my signal."

Itachi adjusted his position ever so slightly as he and Kisame shifted positions with Deidara and Sasori. He and his shark-like partner were members of Team A. Deidara and Sasori were instructed to attack from afar with their bombs and puppets respectfully until they were given orders to engage directly.

Kakashi, Naruto, Gai, Bee, Pein, Suigetsu, Darui, Gaara, Kankuro, Jūgo, Hidan, and Kakuzu shot forward with Itachi and Kisame to act as Team A. The others slowed their paces and spaced out, intent on surrounding the enemy in order to prevent a potential escape and to serve as a barrier of hidden, constantly rotating attacks.

Team B was ordered to attack from afar and from various positions. They were to rotate and switch focus points so the enemy would have no chance to pinpoint a single person's exact location and either attack or deflect an attack.

Pein was the first to break through the trees with Itachi and Naruto flanking him closely. He charged towards Tobi soundlessly and summoned one of the chakra poles from the confines of his cloak, fully preparing to stab him.

As expected, Tobi avoided the attack with his space-time jutsu. His Sharingan flared with surprise at the sight of Pein but it quickly narrowed in irritation and he raised his hand to grab the pierced ginger.

Itachi took Tobi's lapse of judgment as a chance and launched a number of ninja tools at him at the same time Naruto tossed a mini-rasenshuriken at him. Kakashi followed it up with his lightning blade and Gaara shot his sand after Naruto's attack.

Tobi's eyes widened at the sight of the various ninjas attacking him and he abandoned his reach for Pein in order to allow the assorted attacks to pass through him.

"What is this?" Tobi questioned as he looked over Team A. Cautious, he darted away from his attackers so there was a safe distance between them. He cocked his head to the side. "This is unexpected." He looked around as a new, welcome chakra joined them. "Zetsu, how come you didn't sense them."

Zetsu's black half shrugged. "**I didn't think it was all that necessary.**"

"And why not?" Tobi wondered.

Zetsu smirked a bit as his white half emerged from the ground beside him. "I know a good fight when I see one. **We are sure this will be entertaining.**"

Tobi's eyes narrowed. "Zetsu…"

Zetsu's white half snickered and he began merging with his darker half. "What? Did you really think we'd be okay with being stuck in a Genjutsu for the rest of our lives? **You're not as perceptive as you'd like to claim.**"

Kisame smirked. "So you were allied with Alice."

Zetsu glanced at Kisame. "Hi Kisame. **You finally noticed, huh? We were wondering when you guys would figure it out.** I pretty much spelled it out to Hidan. So did Alice."

Tobi's aura shifted furiously. "Zetsu! How long has this been going on?"

"Alice and I have been planning this since before Konoha captured her. **She told us about your plans and her way of life sounded so much better in comparison to yours.** Sure, yours way allows us to have some fun. **But where's the fun in living a lie?**" Zetsu explained boredly. "Besides, you **used us.** You've used everyone. **I'm not fond of being used.**"

"Enough." Pein stated. "This is beneficial. We are in your debt, Zetsu. I'll be sure to thank Alice for her insight when we return." He stared at Tobi. "We will end this quickly and then be on our way."

Tobi chuckled and caught a kunai launched at him by Kakashi. "I won't be as easily defeated as you might think, Nagato."

"We are prepared for that." Gaara told him.

Itachi's eyes snapped open and his Mangekyō Sharingan flared, tears running down his face from his left eye. "Amaterasu!"

"Planetary Rasengan!" Naruto shouted

* * *

_I am honored, and a little sad, to announce that there will only be two more chapters of this story._

_It's been fun ladies and gents. It's been fun, but everything must come to an end.  
_

_**Fun Fact: **A dairy cow can produce more milk when listening to music._

Answer:_ I like texting for most occasions but I also love email. In person allows a great deal of sarcasm to be dealt and exchanged so that's good to. However, my favorite would have to be telepathically. :)_

**QotC: **_Why is your penname what it is? If you don't have a penname, what would you choose as your penname and why would you choose that?_

_Again, I apologize for not being able to update tomorrow and that I'm screwing up my schedule. My life is pretty hectic right now but I am trying._

_Have a nice day/Friday/weekend. And hopefully I will talk to you all on Monday if I don't talk to you in person via message or email. :)_

_See ya~  
_


	100. Chapter 100

_Only one more chapter after this, guys._

_I hope you all enjoy it._

_Even after all this time, I still don't own Naruto._

_Though, I _do_ own a fat Labrador named Lexy who has white paws and a chest. She likes to roll around on the ground on her back and make strange noises randomly._

_XD She's adorable._

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

I sighed with worry and ran a hand through my hair. I was sitting in front of HQ's windows, watching the medics down below as they healed the people who were injured in the various battles.

The only thing on everyone's mind was the Tobi Assassination Squad and the potential dangers that could result from sending our ninjas out there to kill the biggest foe the Shinobi villages had ever seen.

People were suddenly shocked by the lack of Zetsu clones running around causing trouble. I smiled, knowing Zetsu had only been being a pain in the ass to entertain himself and to play the part for Tobi.

My main concern was Tobi since his powers and potential were basically unknown even though he wasn't "complete". He was still dangerous and my family and the father of my future bundle of joy, poop, and spit were out there preparing to kill him.

The fact that he could potentially wipe them all out scared me to no end.

Sable lifted her head off my lap and cocked her head to the side as I sighed again. I looked away from the window and smiled at her. She started panting excitedly and her tail wagged happily.

Sable never fails to make me smile.

That's why canines are so amazingly incredible.

Still smiling, I stroked her fur, scratching under her chin and behind her ears and all the nice places she loved. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the window, mentally praying to Jashin that my criminals were okay.

Kathryn was talking with Tsunade about the methods people from our world use to heal wounds and whatnot since we don't have chakra. Tsunade was interested and absorbed, periodically asking questions and commenting on the various methods. Shikaku was listening, but he seemed to be focused on the papers he was reading too. Like most smart people, he can double task like a boss.

The only reason she was talking about this stuff was because I had ordered her to keep her mind off of Deidara and Sasori. She had broken down into a fit earlier and because I didn't want to have to witness that again, I put on my motherly pants and beat her into shape.

Not to mention, her worry only added to my own.

I was tired and sick with worry. I couldn't help but wonder how everyone was doing with Tobi. I knew he was strong and I knew he was intelligent. He could use all of that, but not even he could take on all of the Akatsuki and the top-notch ninjas from the other villages we sent. Being the smart people we are, we were prepared for any potential awesomeness unless he whipped out some technique no one could handle.

Hopefully, that didn't happen.

Jashin protect them.

**Third Person!**

Tobi breathed heavily as he stood with his back to a bolder, watching his enemies as they positioned themselves around him. He was at his limit, and the allied Shinobi knew it. Pein's ringed eyes never left him through the whole battle and the fact that he was leading the next attack was proof that he noticed Tobi's growing fatigue.

Tobi had put up a good fight so far. He had destroyed all but two of Kabuto's hearts, killed all of the nameless Shinobi from the various villages in seconds. The puppets Sasori and Kankuro had used were all destroyed and Sasori's left leg and arm were crushed.

Hidan had been decapitated, Gai had been knocked unconscious, Yamato's leg was broken in four places, Baki's entire ribcage was pretty much shattered, and Kisame had a scorched side and his right arm was snapped. Deidara's right arm had been cut off. However, it had been sewed back on by Kakuzu and Konan and Sakura had fallen back to get rid of the majority of the scar. Said blond bomber still continued to send bombs out at Tobi with his left hand.

Sasuke had been drawn to the limit because he overused his Sharingan even though Itachi constantly told him to quit. Orochimaru had emerged and tried to wreck havoc, but Itachi took advantage of the situation and ripped the snake from his brother, sealing it within his Susano'o. That knocked Sasuke out of the picture so he could recover from the strain.

All that had cost Tobi one of his eyes to Izanagi and pretty much all of his chakra. He risked becoming blind if he used his other. He was unable to transport away because Zetsu had covered him with hidden spores and he had a few chakra rods belonging to Pein in both of his legs.

Pein watched their enemy closely. He kept his distance, knowing Tobi would be like a wounded, cornered animal. He would be extremely dangerous and reckless. They had to act quickly unless they wished to risk him pulling out a jutsu that could end them all. They could not afford that. Almost all of their forces were out of chakra and if they went down, they had no hope left.

Tobi's knowledge was unknown and because of that, he was not to be underestimated. The only ones who had a chance were the Akatsuki, Taka, Naruto, and Bee but that was simply because they knew Tobi or they had ample amounts of stamina and were virtually limitless.

"It's time to end this, Tobi." Pein said calmly. Externally he was a calm cucumber but on the inside, he was tense with anticipation and worry.

Tobi glared. "I'll bring you to hell with me, Nagato."

"You won't have a chance!" Naruto shouted, leaping into the air with Bee at his side. A massive rasenshuriken was whirling in his hand and Bee had a beast bomb charged and ready to fire. Tobi made to evade, until he was pierced by a lightning rod. Blinking in confusion, he followed the lightning trail made by the chidori to see Sasuke glaring at him.

"Damn it!" Tobi shouted just before Naruto and Bee closed in on him.

Itachi grabbed his brother and pulled him away from the scene as Naruto's attack collided with Tobi and the rock he was backed into. Bee fired his bomb and the landscape where Tobi had been exploded.

Itachi covered Sasuke as trees, rocks, and other bits of land when flying around from the force of the jutsu. After a few minutes, the wind stopped whirling and the noise stopped. Itachi looked up from his brother and back towards where Tobi had been.

All that was left was a mangled corpse. Most of the head was missing, one arm was shattered and both legs were virtually just stains in the dirt. Itachi turned up his nose at the sight before busying himself with helping Sasuke to his feet.

"Easy Otouto." Itachi advised, wrapping an arm around Sasuke's waist to keep him up. "You used up a lot of chakra."

Sasuke sighed tiredly and rubbed his eyes with the arm that wasn't over Itachi's shoulders. "Aniki… my vision is blurry."

"You shouldn't have used your Sharingan so much." Itachi scolded. "I told you it was dangerous."

"I know." Sasuke mumbled. He looked around. "Is everyone else okay?"

Itachi blinked and looked around, searching for the various chakra signatures of their companions. "I believe so."

"That was awesome yo! We kicked his ass fo sho!" Bee cheered as he and Naruto emerged from the shelter of a downed tree with Neji and Shikamaru. "We wiped the floor with him real quick! This is good, because that fool was a huge…"

"Bee!" Naruto said quickly, waving his hands around in protest.

"I can't believe he's already rapping after that." Kisame muttered, throwing a large chunk of rock away from his spot with his good arm, revealing a thoroughly annoyed Sasori, Hidan, and Deidara. Kakuzu stood beside them, holding up another rock chuck that had been shielding Kakashi, Gai, and Yamato.

Kisame hurried over to help Kakuzu with the rock and they shoved it over just as a grunt was heard. Looking around, Suigetsu and Jūgo emerged with Karin and Sakura from behind a large wall of rock. Sakura was smiling and Karin looked annoyed.

"You okay?" Sasuke asked, looking at his team members and former team member.

"Yeah." They all replied in unison.

Sasuke raised his eyebrow at the girls. "What happened to you two?"

"Nothing." The girls chimed together. Sakura was a lot more cheerful than the irate slut, Karin.

Sasuke shrugged with disinterest, showing no desire to press for an answer.

"Shinra Tensei!" Pein shouted.

Land was thrown away from a focal point about twenty yards away from Itachi and Sasuke. In the focal point was Pein, Konan, Baki, Darui and C. Pein looked over the present members and nodded his head in approval before glancing towards the last chunk of chakra signatures.

Gaara's sand shifted to reveal Kankuro, Temari, Sai, and two other ninjas. His sand whirled around as it poured back into his gourd. "Is everyone alright?"

"It appears that way, ya bastard." Hidan grunted as Kakuzu began reattaching his head.

Pein looked towards Tobi's corpse and he sighed with relief. "Mission accomplished. Well done, everyone. You have done a service to this world that cannot be matched. Thank you for risking your lives in order to obtain the peace we have sought for so long. Once we have recovered our strength a bit, we will head back to the base."

"I'll work on contacting HQ to let them know about this." Shikamaru announced. Pein dipped his head in approval.

Kisame looked around. "Where's Zetsu?"

"I'm here." Zetsu said as he emerged from a tree beside Itachi and Sasuke. "**We can help restore chakra to those who need it. We've absorbed a lot over the course of this war. **Sorry about that. I got a little carried away. **Alice told us to fuck with you guys a bit, though.**"

"As soon as we get back, I'm kicking the shit out of her." Sasori growled.

"You can't walk, Danna." Deidara pointed out. "Your leg is gone, un."

Sasori punched Deidara in the back of his head with his intact hand. "Shut the hell up, brat."

"Ouch, yeah!" Deidara whined, grabbing his head with a grimace.

"**We would have screwed with you guys even if she hadn't given us permission to.** Her asking was really just icing on the cake.** I'm hungry. When we're done with all the politics and stuff, let's eat.** I second that." Zetsu stated.

Said plant man left the shelter of the tree and stood properly on the earth. He reached out and rested a hand on Sasuke's shoulder, glowing a bit as he transferred chakra to the exhausted teen. Sasuke dipped his head in thanks.

Hidan started snickering as he looked at Sasori and Deidara before he burst into all out laughter. He pointed at them and fell back into Kakuzu's leg, cackling at the artists. Everyone stared at him, wondering why he was laughing so hard. Some were questioning when he was going to stop.

"What is so funny, un?" Deidara demanded, throwing a rock at the Jashinist.

Hidan shook his head. "Kathryn is going to shit a fucking cow when she sees you two. I can already see it!"

The rest of the Akatsuki members who knew Kathryn either smirked in amusement or started laughing too depending on their respective emotion levels.

Sasori and Deidara both sighed and shook their heads in exasperation.

If anyone knew just how worried and exuberant Kathryn would be, it was them.

"DEIDARA!" Kathryn shouted, tackling the blond. She basically ripped off his clothes once she reached him, touching every part of his body that she could reach as she searched him for any injuries. A few people walking towards HQ stopped to stare at her.

Deidara just lay on the ground underneath her, waiting for her either stop freaking out or get off of him. By the way she was going with her extreme touching and the kisses she showered him with, he doubted it was going to be anytime soon.

Alice glared at her best friend. "Kathryn, stop raping Deidara. No one wants to see that!"

Kathryn glared at Alice, furious that someone would interrupt her love-fest with Deidara, even if it was one-sided at the moment. "Look at him! He looks exhausted!" She pointed at Sasori when he came into view. "And _him!_" She leapt off of Deidara and latched onto Sasori who was being supported by Kankuro. "Danna! What happened to you?"

Sasori quietly thanked Kankuro before dismissing him politely. Once free of the teen with purple face paint, he smacked the back of Kathryn's head in a scolding manner. "Brat! You calm down right now. Deidara and I are fine. This gives me something to do while we wait for the politics to be sorted out and Deidara is perfectly okay, if not just a bit tired. I am irritated and I don't feel like dealing with your exuberance at the moment."

Kathryn pouted, but her worry pretty much disappeared at the recognition of his typical attitude. "I love you Danna! I was so worried!" She hugged him. "Don't leave me anymore!" She sniffed, wiping her tears away. "You and Dei can't leave me anymore."

Sasori sighed and allowed her to hug him. "Calm down, Kathryn."

Deidara returned to his girlfriend and detached her from Sasori so he could sit down. Once their Danna was seated, they joined him, Kathryn refusing to let either artist go.

Alice shook her head at their antics before looking in the direction of the rest of the force she fondly named the: "Tobi Assassination Squad".

Sable barked and darted away from her side, tackling Hidan who was walking up the hill with Kakuzu. He yelled in surprise and went off on a tangent of swear words as the wolf knocked him off of his feet in order to smother him with affection. Kakuzu stood beside his partner, chuckling at his expense.

"Good girl Sable!" Alice cheered, laughing at Hidan.

"Fuck you Ice Bitch!" Hidan shouted. Sable howled in unison with his shouting, drawing a lot of attention to her and her nonsense.

Alice smirked. "I love you too Hidan!"

"You're fucking lucky for that too, you stupid, ice-cold bitch." Hidan snarled as he tried to fight off Sable and her affection.

Alice smiled at Kakuzu. "Are you two alright?"

"We're fine." Kakuzu nodded. "Just a bit tired and I need to restock my hearts."

"It could be worse I suppose." She shrugged. "I'm glad you guys are alright."

Kakuzu dipped his head. "That makes two of us."

"Make that three." Kisame added as he walked up the hill. His adorable face broke out into a huge, shark-toothed grin when Alice looked in his direction.

"Kisame!" Alice said happily. She glomped him and he caught her easily. He lifted her off the ground, hugging her tightly.

Alice returned the hug with a surprisingly strong grip. His smirk softened when she buried her face into the crook of his neck, showing no signs of letting him go.

He was her shark, and he couldn't bring himself to deny it.

Hell, he was proud of it.

"Hey shrimp." Kisame grinned. "You alright?"

"I'm good now." Alice sighed, hugging his neck. "Are you okay?"

Kisame nodded. "I got a few scratches. It was nothing Konan and Pinky couldn't get rid of though."

"My name is Sakura." Sakura scolded as she helped Yamato up the hill. Yamato had his arm over her shoulder and was doing his utmost to look uninjured since he was a man and men don't show pain or weakness.

"Thanks Sakura." Alice told her when Kisame set her down. She grabbed Kisame's arm and held it closely. "I owe you so much for keeping an eye on these guys for me."

Sakura smiled at her. "No problem Alice."

"Are you alright Yamato?" Alice asked, her attention flicking to the Jōnin and ANBU agent beside Sakura.

The wood user dipped his head, smiling at bit. "I'll live. It's only a break. I'll be fine. I can use the time off my leg to recharge my chakra."

Alice smiled. "Good. Get better soon."

Yamato smiled back at her and continued on with Sakura. Kakashi came next, assisting an uneasy Gai with Lee who had brought it upon himself to see his sensei as soon as he came back from the mission.

"Alice!" Lee greeted with an enthusiastic wave

"Hey Lee." Alice smiled, waving back with the hand that wasn't wrapped around Kisame's arm. "Hey Kakashi, hey Gai. How are you guys?"

Kakashi gave her his famous smile. "We're good. Gai just got a bump on the head, but he's getting better."

"Well Gai, get better. Then you can test Kakashi with more challenges." Alice teased.

Gai gave her a thumbs up. "Very youthful thinking Alice!"

She sighed at his enthusiasm which enticed a few chuckles from Kakashi and Kisame. She watched the men in spandex and Kakashi as they walked towards HQ before something caught her attention.

"Alice." Itachi breathed, suddenly inches from her.

Alice smiled and she turned around instantly to hug her lover. Itachi breathed a sigh of relief as he returned the gesture, capturing her lips with his own within the same second. They contently held the gesture for a while, prompting amused chuckles from Kisame.

"Itachi." Alice whispered into his lips. "I missed you."

"I missed you as well." Itachi muttered. He kissed her again, sorely wishing that he could do it forever without the need to do anything else to survive. "Are you okay?"

She smiled. "Perfect now. You?"

"I've never been better." He informed her. He kissed her fully and rested his forehead against hers. "Finally, things can be peaceful again."

Alice closed her eyes as she held Itachi. "Good."

"So you two are still all clingy. **I see you're finally starting to show the kid, Alice.**"

Alice wheeled around and beamed. "Zetsu!" She threw a hug on the plant man instantly. He blinked at the sudden contact but didn't push her away. He patted her head gently in response and chuckled at her reaction instead.

"**Hey kid.**" He stated. "It's good to see you, Alice."

"Thank you." She told him seriously. She squeezed his middle. "Thank you so much Zetsu. Welcome back."

"Nah. It was fun." He shrugged. "**We like causing chaos.**"

Itachi grabbed Alice when she released the plant man and he pulled her back to his person. "Why didn't you tell us Zetsu was on our side?"

Alice cocked her head to the side. "When did I tell you he wasn't?"

"He went with Tobi when we split." Kisame pointed out.

Alice nodded. "True. I didn't tell you simply because Zetsu wanted to fuck with you guys for a little while. I promised him he would be able to be a pain in your ass for a bit so I kept quiet."

Zetsu snickered.

"I'm going to be kicking your ass for that later, Alice." Sasori called.

"Walk over here asshole and try it." Alice snapped.

He glared at her so she smirked knowingly.

"Next time, let us know." Pein ordered as he walked up behind the teen.

Alice saluted him. "Yes sir." She hugged Konan and rumpled Sasuke's hair as Taka arrived with their leaders. Sasuke glared at her but amusement was visible in his expression. In response, he rumpled her hair.

"Stop that." Sasuke ordered, smirking at her glare.

Alice glared and fucked up his hair further. "Never, future-brother-in-law."

Konan giggled, watching Alice and Sasuke mess with each other. "It's good to see everything will be going to back to normal as far as we go."

Alice laughed, smiling at the blue haired woman fondly. "Duh Konan. We're social outcasts for a reason." Konan returned the smile before shaking her head at Alice's antics and trailing after her man. His ginger hair was reflecting the sun brightly like some sort of beacon.

Itachi grabbed Alice's face and pulled her around so he could look at her. He kissed her fully, stroking his thumb along a few of the scars. "Alice."

She raised her eyebrow, smiling lovingly at him. "What babe?"

He nuzzled her cheek and wrapped his arm around her waist before pressing his forehead to hers. He stared into her eyes, his chest swelling with emotions akin to love, adoration, relief, and happiness. Nothing could ever take this woman's place in his heart. Itachi was certain that he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life and because of that, he felt no reason to stop his proposal.

"Marry me."

* * *

_He popped the question without it really being a question... Yeah, Itachi bends the rules. Hence his criminal status in the Akatsuki/Ninja world.  
_

_It's been fun my lovelies. But all things must come to an end as I said last chapter._

**_Fun fact: _**_It is raining really bad outside and some asshole in a truck pulled out in front of me this morning. I spent the next two hours cussing about him and plotting his death. My teacher sent me to the counselor's. XD_

Answer: _Well, my name is Dani and I am in love with Kenpachi Zaraki. Hence, DaniZaraki. XD_

**QotC: **_What do you guys think I should do next? Also: What is one thing you can't live without. Nothing living, please unless you carry around a plant at all times like some sort of plant man named Zetsu._

_I love you guys. I hope you enjoyed._

_Next chapter will be out Friday. And after all this time... this story will _finally _be finished. I thank you all for the support and whatnot through this whole ordeal of this story and it's prequel._

_I will see you Friday. XD_

_Adios~_


	101. Chapter 101

_This is the last chapter guys._

_ hope you enjoy, and I hope you guys enjoyed the story._

_Thanks for reading and sticking with it. But now, it's finally over.  
_

* * *

**First Person Alice!**

_**A few months later…**_

So, yeah… here we are, a few months after the end of the Fourth Great Shinobi War. I am now an official citizen of Konoha, though I don't live in the village. I'm also an official citizen of Ame and I don't live there either. I actually live in a large complex, previously owned by the great Uchiha clan.

I live there with my best friend, my lover, my puppy, my shark, my puppet, my terrorist, my plant, my Fearless Leaders, my miser, and my zealot. Eight of my house buddies are men, one is an adorable puppy, and two are women. If you haven't guessed yet, I'll let you in on who they are.

They are the Akatsuki, Kathryn, and Sable.

Minus Tobi of course…

Despite the shit he pulled, I'm still a little sad I won't have his buoyant persona running around causing chaos with Kathryn.

But, what's done is done. There is no changing the past.

My life may have been like one huge fanfiction that some desperately bored girl made just for the hell of it, but it certainly isn't a time-travel fiction.

Anyways, our wonderful home is the previously abandoned Uchiha Stronghold, now called Pein's office, the base, my love pad, Alice's Pants, House of Pein, Alice's Lair, The Love Shack the house of the criminally insane, Hidan's prison, Akatsuki HQ, Base o' Heathens, and many, many others.

My personal favorites are: Base o' Heathens, House of Pein, and the House of the Criminally Insane.

Hidan made up the first, Kisame came up with the second, and I made up the last.

They're kind of crowd favorites. Pein loves the House of Pein one.

All of them hate the name the Love Shack. However, each time said name is mentioned, Kathryn and I are required to sing the song until someone shuts us up. I think all of them appreciate Alice's Pants though. That was Kathryn's creation.

Currently, outside of my former criminals and murderers, the world is in a period of peace. The Shinobi Alliance has lasted after the war and the ties between each nation are very, very strong.

Everyone helped in the rebuilding effort after the war. Yes, even the lazy ass Akatsuki members. I may or may not have had to beat Hidan to make him work, but in the end, it got done and we were all happy.

Now that the Akatsuki isn't a threat meant to cause harm, they've become exactly what they were meant to be: Universal, hirable labor for each nation. But, because of Kakuzu, we're rather expensive depending on the job.

For that reason, no one really hires us except for if they need a smaller, cheaper job done or if they're willing to pay big bucks to satisfy our greedy treasurer/miser…

Pein has a big old important job of being allies with the Kage and doing boring business stuff with them that I want nothing to do with. I basically get to do whatever I want when I want because everybody thinks I'm like a fortune teller or something.

Kakuzu keeps trying to get me to let him sell my knowledge and "predictions" of the future. He's a greedy old man.

Itachi and Sasuke both now have the eternal Mangekyō Sharingan. With Tsunade, Sakura, and Konan's help, we were able to exchange their eyes. Sasuke was now the proud owner of Itachi's old eyes while Itachi possesses Sasuke's.

Said foolish little brother lives in Konoha with Taka and he is now a Jōnin along with Naruto. They are held as heroes of the world or whatever and Sasuke's back to being less emo and extremely cute and aloof.

I must say… he looks really attractive in that Jōnin vest.

I only drooled a little bit.

Apparently while they were fighting Tobi, Itachi withdrew Orochimaru from Sasuke and sealed the filthy snake with his Susano'o thing. He is now completely pedophile free and he has lost his revengeful dick persona, opting for happiness around his friends with his brother and extended/adopted family living close by.

Everyone in the T.A.S. is now regarded as a hero and all of the Akatsuki have been cleared of their charges. Sasuke was likewise cleared and he and Naruto are basically worshiped by everyone who isn't me and other people with a brain. But, since we're all important, law-abiding citizens, we are now honorary guests of each village and citizens of Ame and Konoha though we all live in the Love Shack.

Fuck that. We still steal shit and they still kill people when they need to go ninja.

Hidan has a huge pile of sacrifices stacked up in the basement for Zetsu to munch on.

Pein and Konan are always here at the Base o' Heathens since Pein now leaves one of his other bodies up in order for it to solely do work for the village. That way, he can baby sit us here and also do his work as the leader of a village.

Itachi and I got married which was a really strange experience. Then, of course, Deidara and Kathryn copied us because they're lame. The weddings were interesting and the receptions were even more fun. That's probably because there was alcohol and Hidan, Deidara, Kisame, and a few of the other nut jobs we invited partook in said alcohol and then ran around acting like complete morons.

Let's just say Sasori, Itachi, Kakuzu, and I stocked up on blackmail options.

Kathryn and Deidara's wedding was ten times worse. She invited basically all of Konoha, Killer Bee, and a shit load of other people from the other villages.

Needless to say, Bee put on a concert.

And then the drunks, namely Hidan, Deidara, and a number of other oddities were his backup singers…

I become afraid just thinking about it.

Though, I will admit that Hidan has an impressive singing voice.

… Deidara however…

In other news, I just finished popping a kid out and I'm currently on the brink of unconsciousness because I'm tired as shit. The page or so of rambling above is because I'm so fucking out of it so excuse my thought process. Having a baby isn't fun, and having a baby while also having to babysit six idiots at the time is even less fun. I'm surprised I didn't kill anyone for potentially pissing me off during my pregnancy of doom.

If you guys thought my mood swings were bad before I was pregnant, you should have seen how dangerous they were after a few months into carrying a kid in my womb. It was ridiculous. Ice Bitch Queen was used by everyone beside Itachi and Kisame and the Leaders. And I deserved it too. I was _insane_ to the point where I'm surprised they survived.

Now though, I really just wanted to sleep off all of the excitement of having a kid and the pain in the ass process that went with carrying one and giving birth to one. However, according to all of the voices I hear around me, I'm not going to be able to sleep any time soon.

"Have you guys named him yet?" Konan asked.

Oh yeah, by the way, I have a gorgeous little boy now. He has dark hair and eyes from what I could tell.

The second I saw him, I saw a mini-Itachi and that just took what little air I had away. I already love his cute little person to death and want to snuggle him like I do Sable and his daddy. He is breathtakingly precious and he already owns my heart and soul along with his father, his aunts, his uncles, wolves, and Kisame.

I wasn't the only one who was happy about my baby. Kakuzu was utterly pleased that he won the bet and Kathryn would have been just as happy about winning money but she was too excited about my kid. Suigetsu wasn't happy, however. He even tried to hide after I found out the gender.

However, there is no hiding from Kakuzu when you owe him money.

Now _that_ was amusing.

Of course, Hidan knew the gender of my baby before anyone else did because apparently, Jashin-sama told him.

I don't know either. He's a weirdo.

"No." Itachi's sexy voice told her, tearing me from my train of thought. "Naming things is her area of expertise so I intended on waiting for her to start suggesting names." He was quiet for a minute and his voice sounded fond and gentle so I assumed he was holding one of our kids. "As long as he is healthy, I don't care what his name is."

I smiled. "You're so cute."

"So she's awake." Pein commented.

"Barely." I countered, opening my eyes. "I figure I can stay up a bit longer for your sakes. That way, you can call my baby something other than 'it', 'the kid', 'him', 'the baby' or whatever other names you guys can come up with."

Kisame snickered from my other side. I was resting my head on his shoulder while Itachi's hand was curled around mine and our baby boy was in his arm. My shark kissed the top of my head. "Knowing Kathryn, it could be something ridiculous."

I smirked and looked at the rounded form of my best friend. She's a copier and got pregnant shortly after I did, just like she married Deidara after Itachi and I got hitched. She is due in about four months. She was smiling at me, leaning on Deidara while holding Sasori's hand.

"Did you come up with a name?" She asked. "Because if not, I'll name him."

"Like hell you are." Hidan and I said in unison. Said Jashinist was sitting in the corner, using Kakuzu as a footrest. Sable was lying on the floor beside him playing with a _toy_ bone Zetsu stole her. The plant man of my heart was sticking out of the wall, watching the exchange boredly. Pein and Konan were by the window and Sasuke sat by the door. I had no idea where the rest of Taka was and I couldn't bring myself to care.

Sasuke's my brother now so he's really the only one that matters.

Not that I didn't love Jūgo and Suigetsu, of course.

I hummed in thought before looking at my boy. I couldn't help but smile as I stroked the cheek of my son and as I looked over his sleeping face, inspiration struck me. "I got it. I thought of the perfect name for him. The name had been in my head for a while, but I had to see him before I decided on a name."

"What did you have in mind?" Itachi asked, nuzzling my cheek with his nose.

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Do you like the name Tiburon? I was thinking of naming him that. Seeing him now, the name is perfect for him."

He was adorable. Uchiha traits were obvious, even in his cute chunky face. I could tell instantly that he was going to look a lot like Itachi. His hair was black or incredibly dark brown. Itachi swore that our kid had my lack of tear troughs and he had different colored eyes, but considering I was incoherent at the time he told me, I'll have to take his word for it.

Itachi rested his head against mine and gazed at our child that he was holding adoringly. "I like it actually. It has a nice ring to it."

"Good." I stated, kissing his cheek and internally smirking my head off. "Because I promised Kisame we'd name our son after him a while ago. Remember?" I smiled at Kisame who cocked his head to the side curiously.

"What does Tiburon have to do with my name?" Kisame asked.

I grinned. "It means shark in Spanish."

Sasori and Kakuzu chuckled while Kathryn, Deidara, and Hidan laughed from their seats. Kisame sighed and introduced his palm to his forehead. Konan giggled and Pein smirked.

Itachi smiled and kissed my cheek gently before pressing his forehead to mine for a moment. "Tiburon it is."

"In my world, we have middle names." I told them. "So, I want to give him another one."

"What were you thinking about? Anything in particular?" Itachi asked, looking curious.

I looked at her. "Well, I named Tiburon so you get to pick his middle name. It's only fair."

He kissed my forehead as he stared at our son. "Whatever you'd like is fine with me. Naming things is not my specialty."

I bit my lip for a minute, thinking carefully. "How about Shisui?"

Itachi's expression softened before he kissed my lips fully. I felt his love, happiness, pride, and just a little bit of sadness in the gesture. Shisui was his best friend before he died and Itachi held him in the highest regard. Honestly, the more I thought about it, the less I considered any other name to be good enough for our son.

Obviously, he agreed. "I like it."

"Good." I smiled, kissing him back.

Sasuke smirked a bit. "Very fitting.

"I was tempted to say your name, but if I was ever scolding him, I would probably use his full name and that might confuse you." I explained, smirking back at him.

Deidara grinned at me. "You should have named him after me."

"Your hair is too yellow." I told him. I smiled at him when he chuckled before kissing Tiburon's head before doing the same to Itachi and Kisame. I smiled at Tiburon, stroking the thick black hair he already had. "Tiburon Shisui Uchiha. Welcome to this family of social outcasts."

"You might want to wish him luck too." Kakuzu grunted, lifting up Hidan's leg briefly so he could shift positions. Once he was finished, he allowed Hidan's leg to return to its proper place on his thigh. "He has to grow up with a base full of psychos. The second most extreme one is his mother."

I glared at him. "I love you too, Kakuzu."

"Who's the most extreme?" Sasuke asked.

Kakuzu threw a thumb in Hidan's direction. "This moron of course."

"Fuck you Kakuzu!"

And they say they don't love each other.

Wait a minute… He just said fuck in front of my son.

"Don't cuss in front of my kid damn it!" I snapped, glaring at Hidan.

Everyone else just sighed.

_**Four months later than a few months later…**_

Kathryn looked at Deidara and away from their daughter, kissing him with happiness etched into her face. I was too busy counting the money I won from guessing the right gender to awe at their cuteness. Being the amazing friend I am, I _knew_ Kathryn would have a girl. Her personality and her persona in general screams it. Kathryn's always wanted a girl and I know that her child will be spoiled rotten and loved to death by both her parents, her Danna, and her Aunt: AKA me.

"Did you think up a name?" Kathryn wondered, resting her cheek against Deidara's shoulder.

Deidara shook his head, stroking the arm of the sleeping baby being held by the love of his life. "I'm not good at naming things, babe. Neither of us have that skill yeah."

That little bundle of joy was adorable. Honestly, if I didn't lay claim to the four most adorable things in the world already, I'd have claimed her as my own too. She already has a head covered in yellow blond hair and her eyes were just as sparkly blue as Deidara's. Already I could see evidence of Kathryn's gorgeous face in the baby's. There was no doubt that she had Deidara's eyes though.

Her hair, which was bright yellow, wasn't as vivid as Deidara's was. Obviously Kathryn's hair mellowed it out a bit. She was small and she wasn't exactly chunky like most babies, but she definitely wasn't deprived of baby fat. After all, Kathryn eats more than a horse does so that kid wasn't lacking nutrition.

By the way, if you're wondering who the four adorable things are, they're Itachi, Tiburon, Sable, and Kisame.

"Fortunately, I have thought of one." Sasori stated, sitting on the bed beside Kathryn.

"What?" Kathryn asked, looking at him.

"Sanaa." Sasori stated thoughtfully, looking at the little girl that would soon rule his life just like her parents did. I know he secretly loved it and looked forward to it. He stroked the baby's head before looking at Kathryn. "It means 'Work of art' or 'beauty'."

I smirked at the name. "We're just making all kinds of puns with baby names." I kissed Tiburon's forehead since he was being held by Kisame. Said Shark had just stole him from Sasuke who had taken him forcibly from Itachi. Itachi tended to hog him unless I was holding him. "If you would have had a boy, I was going to suggest Clay."

"I like it." Kathryn said, beaming. "Do you, Dei?"

Deidara nodded, his smile widening at the sight of Kathryn's. "Yeah. Good work, Danna un."

Kathryn kissed Sasori's cheek in thanks. "Thank you Danna."

Sasori patted Kathryn's head gently. "Don't mention it, brat."

"I just hope it isn't fucking like Sasori." Hidan growled, pointing at Tiburon. "We already have a brat with Alice's attitude. We don't need another one. He's only a few fucking months old and he's already a cheeky brat." He shook his head.

"I'm surprised you know what cheeky means." Kakuzu grunted, looking at his partner.

Hidan glared. "Fuck you, Kakuzu."

"If she makes explosions in the morning, I'll be pissed." I stated. "Hidan, don't cuss around my kid."

He flicked me off.

"I just pray the child doesn't develop Deidara's verbal tick." Itachi mused as he played with my hair.

Konan giggled. "That would be funny to see."

"No it wouldn't." Zetsu sighed.

"Sasori would be pissed." Kakuzu chuckled.

Sasori nodded. "Yeah, I would be."

"Oh whatever. You're going to love that kid and spoil her to the end of her days." I countered. "And you know it too, so don't deny it."

Sasori huffed and looked away from me. "Whatever. I will be her only source of intelligence and discipline."

"Hey(un)!" Kathryn and Deidara protested.

Those of us who weren't too cool for emotions laughed.

These kids were in for a screwed up life. Being raised with a bunch of former criminals, a hyperactive blond, and a bipolar bitch was going to be difficult and it probably would affect their mental stability.

However, I wouldn't have it any other way.

This is the Akatsuki after all.

This is home.

* * *

_Finally, it's over._

_I can't begin to explain to you guys how much I appreciate all of you who read this and reviewed as well as those of you who made fanart. This story has introduced me to amazing people and it has given me the chance to read some of the extremely impressive stories of some of my readers and reviewers. I thank you guys so much and I love you in a purely platonic way._

**_Fun Fact: _**_In total, this story is about 354,832 words. That includes authors notes._

Answer: _In intend on writing more stories in the future. Whether they involve Alice and Kathryn, I'm not sure. But I am 100% certain that I will continue to read and write. You guys will see more things from me in the future. I may write a third part to this story, but that all depends. So, keep an eye out. I'm open to persuasion, so feel free to threaten me and tell me that I should write one if you want it._

**QotC: **_What was your favorite part of this story and/or Consider Yourself Kitties._

_Just so you guys know, I've had the names picked out for Kathryn's kid and Alice's kid since I decided she was going to get preggo. And, a fun fact for you, Alice and Kathryn both have another kid. Alice has a daughter who is a year younger than Tiburon. Her name is Aiko. Kathryn has a son who is a bit older than Aiko and his name is Clay. :)_

_I was moving, which is why this is so late. I ended up almost slicing my hand off when I was moving my bed. It looks pretty badass, but it hurts pretty bad._

_Well guys, this is it._

_If you have any questions, feel free to message me or review or email me and I'll respond if I can. I can't really reply if you don't sign in or have an account or something._

_Bye guys._

_Have a nice life._


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